Temple of Ranma's Sailor Senshi Seifuku

I'm removing the rough to work on it. Thanks to everyone who left a comment.
- Trimatter
Howdy!
This chapter has been one on those "three bottles of aspirin" chapters. It has gone through a few major rewrites and numerous revisions before reaching this - hopefully - near final version.
I would like to thank (in alphabetical order) J St C Patrick, Josh Temple, and Yarrow for suffering through my earlier drafts.
http://home.austin.rr.com/trimatter/Rou ... rough.html
Thanks in advance,
- Trimatter

It looks good, I can't really see anything wrong with it. I hope the lock breaks soon though, it just doesn't feel like Ranma at the moment.

Definately an enjoyable read. A lot of things have been handled better than I would have expected. Ranma's mix of emotions dealing with new technology for one; his interaction with Akane for another. The irregularity Kuno inserted into Ranma's file was both amusing, and helps make a case for the entire 'death' having been irregular, and more readily reconcilable bureacratically.
I'm kinda curious why Genma is so stridently anti-computer. From what I've gathered, Akane and the rest were the ones who blocked him and Soun from teaching Akane's children the way they wanted to. Did Genma and Soun branch out, try to find somebody willing to train in Anything Goes the way Ranma did, and fail to find any takers? That could explain it.. or perhaps the whole 'technology' thing being was something they blamed openly in place of badmouthing family, and over time Genma said it so much he started to believe it. I've known a few people who were very, very slow to adopt technology, but I've never known anyone who was genuinely Luddite in outlook.
The other thing that feels a bit off is how inactive Ranma has been. Even if he doesn't know what to do, and he's confounded by just how much the world has changed, he ought to be doing something aggressively to deal with it, even if it's the wrong thing. A month has passed and he hasn't made inquiries about Ukyo and Ryoga? That stretches credibility a bit. I can understand not wanting to get bogged down on scenes retelling what came to pass, and focusing on the Saotome family dynamics, but Ranma really doesn't strike me as the sort to take anything sitting down, and it kinda feels like he is.
I'm rather interested in what's become of Ryoga, since if his poor sense of direction has remained in effect, he could very well be the last martial artist left of Ranma's calibre. Having aged, and presumably had his delusions beaten out of him after the perceived ugliness of Ranma's disappearance, he could certainly have grown up. Which creates potential for interaction with Ranma in two respects... in training, since Ryoga should have surpassed Ranma to some degree, and as a sort of uncle or older brother who could provide the positive male role model that the Tendo and Saotome families lack. Of course, it could have gone the other way.. he could have come to a bad end, or worse, become bitter and/or insane over the years.
Anyways, I definately look forward to more.

Alathon wrote:I've known a few people who were very, very slow to adopt technology, but I've never known anyone who was genuinely Luddite in outlook.

I do - my doctor. He not only keeps all his files on paper, he makes his secretary use a *manual* typewriter - not an electric. I have no clue how he repairs the thing anymore...
Admittedly, he has no problems with ordering a CAT scans, or similar uses of strictly *medical* technology. But even those he doesn't actually use himself - he takes blood pressure manually, and uses an alcohol thermometer. I think the most advanced electronic devices in the office are the light fixtures.
And this is in the heart of Silicon Valley, no less...
(The reason I continue to see him is that he's both a GP *and* a specialist in my chronic condition - so I only have to see one doctor instead of two).

I can hardly wait for your next chapter of this story, this one bring many questions that I wish to see answered, and has me wondering on what exactly will happen with the plot, and how Genma/Soun's plan will fail.

I'm impressed with the Genma you've painted in this story. This weary, stubborn man brought low by age and paranoia, driven by a desperate need to see his dream realised, brings the pride, closed-mindedness and irrationality of the Genma we know to life in a way I can only describe as "real". He reminds me almost scarily of my own grandfather in his later years.

Excellent chapter. I like how you're portraying Ranma's reactions to the changes. Definately like how Nodoka's attitude has become more "centered" and/or mature. Genma... he'll never change it appears.
Well written evoking the emotions of the parties without being draggy.

I have been relishing each new chapter of this story. I realise that you have taken your most recent draft down for editing, and I'm pleased that you're still making progress with this chapter. I think the elements that shine in this story are the ones that give Ranma a compelling reason to understand himself/herself and his/her history. (The curse is death on easy sentences).
With Ranma spending a large amount of time in the early parts of the story-arc with older people, and less with those of his own (mental) age, I would be intrigued to see how his outlook on life changes. Will he, as I hope he would, decide to grow up? Or will he see that he was causing many problems with his character, but believe that in seeing this that he need do no more, that he will be able to avoid these problems in the future simply by wishing it so.
I think it's all too likely that Ranma is likely to make many of his old mistakes all over again with new people until such time as he genuinely regrets his mistakes, not just being caught making them.
Anyhow, congratulations on another fine addition to your body of work.

Grahh. I can't find the chapter. Did you take it down or something?

Its been posted:
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2900266/3/