Take the Green and Go Chapter 14 (Chapter Finished)

[Dumbledork]

I agree. Kodachi is a little saner than the other two. And I think that she really cares more about Ranma than Ukyo or Shampoo.

[KonokoHasano]

I agree. Kodachi is a little saner than the other two. And I think that she really cares more about Ranma than Ukyo or Shampoo.

>,> Assuming she could get away from all the paralysis powders and similar things.

[Spokavriel]

Sorry to include this but if my comments seem disjointed it's because the last 3 times I started reading this chapter of Take the Green and Go my power has gone out or something else restarted my computer. When you see how long it is you can see why 3rd time not having been the charm is a bit disconcerting.

I really love the scamming for food bit at the start. Your Ranma didn't get to do it because Shego was older and it's a great way for Ranma to corrupt Ms Go a little.

The mole rate sniffed it before taking a bite as well.

I think that would be Mole Rat.

Something that Ranma had told him once during a sparring session had come back to him. “When it comes to martial arts, it’s not always the stronger person who is on top, but the confident person who carries themselves well.” He noticed the look he was receiving from the redhead. “Well, it was something Ranma told me once during training, and it seems to hold true.

You don't have to point out that it is something Ranma told him and then have Ron repeat it. At the end of the chunk there's no problem with the words saying she was the latter of the two but it's not a very Ron statement. Maybe saying She's All that would fit better.

I like where Kodachi introduces herself to Ron. Finaly getting away from the Teakettle clobber of love that happened to both the Kuno kids. But her saying Please do not forget it seems a little off. Something like You won't forget it. Making it sound like a certainty fits her better.

When Makoto calls Sailor Moon the series Weird and Freaky you use the word That. Having the book in hand saying The or This seems to fit better to me.

‘No such thing as magic? Well what the hell would we call our predicament thing?’

Predicament thing doesn't fit for me. Replacing thing with then on the other hand seems to work. Another note. Just before this you have Shego's action up with someone else's speaking. I know what was said sparked the laughter but for some reason grouping someone else's actions to the speaking doesn't seem right.

I really like how your Ranma/Shego questions Monty Fisque's sexuality. The Ninja Monkeys reactions were a great touch.

You have allot of descriptive references to Nuku Nuku all clustered together. The end of one chapter she's mentioned as the android then she says her name then it says girl and her name again. It's a little bit much.

until it was un-functional.

I've seen non-functional and no longer functional but un-functional still seems a little off to me.

‘What say we give him a deserving punishment for the stunt he pulled?’ Shego urged with an evil chuckle. ‘I think giving him something to making him think about what would happen if he ever crossed us again would be fitting.’

I'm having a little trouble with this bit. Deserving doesn't work for me swapping out a deserving with some might work out better.

“This is going to be so good for me mood.”

I think you meant my mood instead of me mood.

The man was completely battered, bruised, tied up, and hanging from a stop light. His monkey ninja were also battered, bruised, and tied up.

A perfect repeat on condition. Why not say something like His Monkey Ninja were beaten and tied the same as he was.

If you hadn’t did anything, I would have met an end.”

You are using a voice that doesn't fit for Ranma or Shego here Where is this met an end from and are you sure you didn't mean to use done instead of did?

‘I don’t think I’ve ever seen Monkey Fist so unraveled enough to rely on a technological weapon.’

Either so unraveled or unraveled enough but so unraveled enough just doesn't seem to work. The so and enough fight each other.

Kim’s shouts of annoyance fell on death ears as Ryoga smirked back at the boy turned woman.

deaf ears.

I'm having a little trouble seeing Kim's tone fitting. She's just simply pouting like when her parents are doing something. This is an enemy someone she fights often. Why isn't she more confrontational here I mean she is a Multi year cheerleader and martial artist. There is no way in heaven or hell Ranma could be more qualified than her and Although Kim is modest she has more pride than is shown. If not she never would have had that problem with Bonnie about being the head Cheerleader.

There may be many things that the blonde half of Team Possible had problems with, but cooking -- along with video games -- was not one of them.

One of them just doesn't fit when you mention more than one thing. Cooking Video games and Geek culture are where Ron truly shines. It was the Geek aspect that let him manage his own Monkey Kung-Fu Mastery. Main reason I am thinking more Geek Culture than just Video Games is because of the episodes with Kim's cousin. Games alone wouldn't let him be on the same page as much.

Little bit of a timing issue. The Training in the Gym wasn't the same day Kodachi got into her fight with the injured gymnists. But you say Earlier Today when Sheila sees her on the roof. While she did attack after a training session it was a different day and there was around a week of training. Right now your event pacing makes it seem like that confrontation happened 3 days before the match at most.

‘Why anyone would want to be YOUR fan is behind me.’

beyond? behind is a bit literal and quite punny for walking away from Kodachi but is that what you meant? Punintentionaly

You didn't go into the fight between Ranma and Ryouga I know he got hit in the jaw but did it go all night like canon or not?

Kim caught her food on it and fell to the mat.

I don't think Kim had food with her in the fight. I mean sure it would have been possible if Kodachi were in that match but her foot is more likely.

“Say Akane, as long as its hot your body, it is allowed, right?”

its not your body not hot. The only heat I tend to see with Akane is in Temper.

He charged at Ranma, but he didn’t get fare before a blast of green energy sent in flying.

Another spell checker accident. I don't see a bus they would be paying fare in might want to drop that e.

I am protected from the front by attacks, and I can fire off weapons in safety!

I know Dementor's phrasing is a bit off but I think he would be more like "I am protected from attacks from the front" front by attacks doesn't work.

“I could as the same thing about trying to confuse the hell out of me with both of your forms.

I think that as should be say. (Edit for response in comments) Oh you meant ask.

However, those two kissed were both on accident.

Do you want kisses or times we kissed?

Now to finally look at what others had to say and see if it inspires more comments.

The Mewmew idea would be one way to bring in that kind of story but I don't know it enough to see how it would effect the rest. Kinda like Love Hina's cameo it's something where it's really fun to think about and see a little of but I'm not sure it would work out that well.

Well at least some of the errors I found were also found by others.

Dumbledork: I think I might have made Kodachi a little 'saner' in the process though. However, for some reason, I've always seen Kodachi as a little more 'put together' than the other two members of her family. Not by too much though.

Kodachi has always had it together more than her male relatives but you can bring back the Psycho level pretty quickly with her using her special cooking and chemistry trying to get attention and approval of her Hero.

One snag with the Skating situation. I don't see Akane trying to rescue Ryouga from Azusa. You might have to have Kim or Ranma being the ones in the initial confrontation. Maybe even going so far as having to come up with an excuse for Sheila to be the one on skates beyond the emberassment as a guy factor.

[_Xellos_]

One snag with the Skating situation. I don't see Akane trying to rescue Ryouga from Azusa. You might have to have Kim or Ranma being the ones in the initial confrontation. Maybe even going so far as having to come up with an excuse for Sheila to be the one on skates beyond the emberassment as a guy factor.

Rufus might be a better choose than Ryouga as the prize of the Ice Skating match. Although I'd feel sorry for Rufus if he had to endure Azusa's attenions.

[Spokavriel]

Yeah Rufus does make allot more sense. That whole being reverted to naked human just after snuggling in Akane's bussom really ruined the potential for him to be the cute pet involved.

[KonokoHasano]

o_o Whoa, never thought this thread would get any more posts.

Anyway, thanks for the feedback, and I was also wondering about Rufus being kidnapped by Azusa. However, I doubt Ranma would put up with the annoyances of the Golden Pair too much.


Hmm... I'm currently finding myself in a kind of 'break' from writing. I haven't been able to put my attention into working on fanfics. Maybe its a good thing. After all, breaks are good.

[Spokavriel]

A bit of an unintentional break is why it took so long for me to post a response. I still have to read all of Genius and the Ditz to be fair in commenting on that.

I have chapters for stories more than 2 months old on my screen because I didn't exactly read them yet.

[Anime_Freak317]

Hey, here's some thing that I think that others missed.

“Now way in hell am I going to do this.” Ranma growled back. He blinked when a few pictures were thrust into his face.

No way...

“I am, but I’m just making myself comfy. Besides, you seem to be doing quite well on your own, so there’s no need for me to become too active with this.” Ranma’s emerald eyes turned towards Kasumi. “So Kasumi-chan, have you tried out that new curry recipe that gave you?”

...Recipe that I gave you?"

I wouldn’t consider lounging around on your pandafied ass and eating the Tendos out of house and home to be ‘much of a life’ in the first place.” Ranma deadpanned before waving a hand. “Pops, no matter how infuriatingly useless to society you can be, you are still my father, a martial arts sensei with years of experience, and the person I spent over 10 long as hell years with on the road. Do you honestly think I’d allow you to die because of something so stupid? Tortured, confined, and many other painful things maybe, but death is not one of them.” Shego began to gag out about ‘sappy moments’ and ‘soft hearts’.

...stupid? Torture, confine, and many...

“Say Akane, as long as its hot your body, it is allowed, right?”

..as it's not your...

“I could as the same thing about trying to confuse the hell out of me with both of your forms.

"I could ask the same...

Anyways, great chapter. I like how you left it open for the next one too.

[Spokavriel]

Tortured and confined are being used more as states of being. Ranma/Sheila is saying she wouldn't mind seeing him Tortured and Confined.

Changing it to the other form I think it would be confinement with torture.

I did get the not your body hot body one. But I guess the correction was missed.