Spoiled Brats - Chapter 22

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Spoiled Brats - Chapter 22

Postby DarkFyre99 » Mon Nov 24, 2008 7:21 pm

Spoiled Brats

Author’s Note: If you’re a fan of fantasy role-playing games, I recommend “Order of the Stick,” a hilarious webcomic which demonstrates what stick figures can be like when someone puts a lot attention to detail into them.

Oh, by the way, Kobuta means pig. There’s absolutely no reason why you need to know this information. *whistles innocently*

Chapter Twenty-Two – Rest and Relaxation aka The Torment of Chiba Mamoru

Ranma was making breakfast for one Saturday morning when the buzzer went off. She moved to the intercom and switched on the view screen. Standing outside the building was Tsukino Usagi. ‘She must be here to see Ami, and hit the wrong button. Either that, or she wants to surprise the girl.’ Seeing no reason not to, Ranma buzzed the girl in.

Ranma was surprised when a few minutes later, her doorbell rang. She opened the door, saying, “Come in, Tsukino-san. Is there a problem?”

“No, Takeda-san, and please call me Usagi. Tsukino-san’s my mom.”

“Okay, Usagi-chan. And you can call me Megumi. Or Ranma if you prefer, but only in private.”

“Hai, Megumi-san. Um… can I talk to Hotaru-san?”

Ranma opened her mouth to say something, but decided that explaining wasn’t worth the effort. Instead, she went tomboy.

Usagi smiled. “Sugoi. You have a Luna Cell Phone too!”

“Luna Cell phone?”

“Hai! Look.” Usagi took out her pink cell phone, and started pressing button. Each time a button was pressed, the girl changed outfits, and sometimes hairstyles as well.

“That must be pretty convenient, Usagi-chan, but I don’t have a cell phone like that. But I must say your method looks a lot easier than mine. By the way, you wanted to ask me something?”

“Oh, hai. Hotaru-san, would you like to come with Mako-chan and me to the amusement park today?”

Completely stunned, Ranma pointed at herself and said, “Me?”

“Hai. I have three tickets, only they expire today, but Naru-chan is out of town and Ami-chan wanted to do some research. Rei-chan said she was busy, but she knew Minako-chan was out of town this weekend too, so you might not have something to do. So do you want to go?”

- + - + -

Hino Rei happily sat in her pajamas, eating candy and watching the Devil Hunter Yohko marathon on T.V. She had really dodged a bullet this time. She had seen Motoki-kun give Usagi those tickets, and she recognized a group date setup when she saw one, and this particular one had disaster written all over it. ‘Have fun on your little date, Ranma,’ Rei thought smugly. ‘And I’ll call it even.’

- + - + -

Ranma smiled when she saw Kino Makoto waiting by the gate. The girl smiled back at Ranma, then turned to Usagi and said, “I thought you were going to ask Rei-chan.”

“Rei-chan said she couldn’t make it, but she suggested Hotaru-san might want to come.”

Makoto’s question to Usagi caused Ranma’s left eyebrow to arch. “You do realize that Motoki-kun’s friends are probably his age?”

“Huh?”

Ranma pinched her nose. “Usagi, this Motoki asked you out on a group date, you and two of your friends with him and two of his.”

“Oh. Sorry, Hotaru-san.” Embarrassed, Usagi backed up into another person. She turned to apologize, until she saw who it was. “You again!”

“You really are following me, Kobuta-chan.”

“It’s not Kobuta! It’s Usagi! U-sa-gi!”

‘Kami-sama, I must be doing something right after all. It’s the Tuxedo’s civilian identity.’ Ranma stepped up, and with a evil grin, said, “Would you introduce us to your friend, Usagi-chan?”

Ranma had the satisfaction of watching all the blood drain out of her prince’s face. “You!!!”

Makoto glanced from the evilly grinning woman to the nearly terrified man. “You know each other?”

Ranma’s predatory smile never left her face. “We faced off against each other in Kendo, but we’ve never been formally introduced.” She offered the man her hand. “Tomoe Hotaru, at your service.”

“Chiba Mamoru,” the man replied, grasping her forearm unconsciously in reply.

“Don’t worry, Chiba-san. I left my sword at home.”

The arrival of two other young men broke the tension. “Ah! Mamoru-kun! I see you’ve already met Usagi-chan and her friend. Who’s this?”

Usagi stepped forward, “Oh, this is my friend Tomoe Hotaru. Hotaru-san, this is Furuhata Motoki-kun. And you already know Kino Makoto-chan.”

“Nice to meet you.” Motoki turned to introduce the last member of their party, a young man in a rather ugly looking orange striped sweater with a turtle-shaped rucksack. “This is my fellow turtle enthusiast, Morimoto Takae-kun. The three of us go to the same college.”

Ranma watched the body language between Mamoru and Usagi. ‘This could be fun after all. Apparently the prince and princess don’t recognize each other in their mundane forms, and actually find each other annoying. And Usagi has a thing for Motoki, too.’

“Oh, here. I finally finished fixing this for you.” Motoki handed Mamoru a bag. “What on earth did all that damage, anyways?”

Mamoru glanced at Ranma. “I, uh, had a little accident at work.”

“Mamoru-kun, I can’t think of any job that requires you to wear that, and still do all that damage…”

- + - + -

In the end, they decided to pair off by playing Jan Ken Pon. This left Ranma paired with Motoki, Takae paired off with Makoto, and Usagi paired up with Mamoru, much to the latter pair’s discomfort and Ranma’s secret amusement. After the girl’s third longing gaze at Ranma’s “date,” she took pity on Usagi, and traded partners.

Mamoru watched as Usagi took Motoki’s arm, and he guided them towards the park entrance. “Oh, so that’s what this is all about.” The man glanced at Ranma nervously, uncertain on whether it would be safe to offer the woman his arm. Ranma took it anyways, giving the man mischievous grin that didn’t reassure him any.

Behind them, Makoto looked dubiously at her partner, who had a nervous case of the hiccups.

- + - + -

“Relax, Mamoru-kun. I needed to evaluate your skills, and you are a very hard man to track down,” Ranma said as the two of them lagged behind the others, a little windblown from the roller coaster. “Now that I have a name and a face, that won’t be a problem anymore.”

“How do you know Usagi, anyways?”

“I live across the hall from one of her friends, and she was desperate to find a third. And will you relax and enjoy the day?” Ranma turned her amused gaze to Makoto and her date, who was still hiccuping. “You laugh at the antics of your friends, while I laugh at the girls. This is supposed to be fun, after all.”

“Hai.”

- + - + -

“I think there’s going to be two disappointed young men by the day is out, Mamoru-kun.”

“Huh?”

“Takae-kun is clearly not impressing his date, and I’ve seen the dance performed enough times to tell that the chemistry isn’t there between Usagi-chan and Motoki-kun.”

“Oh. You know, Hotaru-san, I could take a turn on the oars.”

Ranma pulled hard on the oars as the boat almost skipped across the water, Mamoru holding on for dear life. “Now where would the fun be in that?” Ranma asked as she pepared for their third lap across the lake. She looked at the shore, where the tall girl was patting the boy on his back, in an effort to stop his hiccups. “You know, it’s still not too late to switch over to Makoto.”

“No, it wouldn’t be fair to Takae-kun.” Mamoru hastily added, “I mean, it’s his first date, and I wouldn’t want to ruin it for him. I mean…”

“Relax, Mamoru-kun. I’ve put my foot in my mouth enough times to recognize that something didn’t come out right. We’ll give the man a chance woo the lovely Makoto.”

- + - + -

Ranma took pity on Makoto, and suggested the house of mirrors, where at least the girl and the still hiccupping young man could come with. The poor girl had missed out on the roller coasters and most of the other rides because of her companion.

Somewhere along the line, she had gotten separated from her prince, and the mirror maze was beginning to piss her off. She had managed to convince herself not to blast a hole to the exit for the third time, when she stumbled upon Furuhata Motoki, who didn’t look at all well.

“Motoki-kun?” The man nodded, still looking green. “Claustrophobia?” He nodded again. “Let’s get you out of here.”

Ranma closed her eyes, and then pushed her ki out in a circle around her, feeling the shape of the maze. After several pulses, she had a route out of the maze. ‘I wondered what happened to Usagi...’

- + - + -

“Takae-kun?”

Makoto was not having fun. It wasn’t Takae’s fault, she reminded herself for the fifth time today, but the poor guy was clearly nervous to the point of being incapacitated. They didn’t even go into the House of Mirrors. She also didn’t blame Ranma for monopolizing Chiba-san. Whatever was going on between the two of them, it clearly wasn’t romantic. She only had to look at Ranma and Minako together to see that the two were perfect for each other.

Unfortunately, Takae had wandered off to try another hiccup remedy, and he hadn’t returned. She didn’t think he’d ditched her, but she was starting to get worried, which was why she’d gone looking for him.

She found him near a bandstand, looking down at the stage below. “Takae-kun? Are you okay?” She stared down into the bandstand herself, at several motionless clowns below, and at the mothers who were trying to flee with crying children. ‘No! It can’t be! Youma?’ She grabbed the man’s arm, and began pulling him away. “Takae-kun, let’s get out of here! Takae-kun?”

It took her several seconds to realize that Takae was no longer hiccupping in her presence, and by then it was too late. The man placed a hand on her abdomen, and she felt her energy drain away. As Takae ran in pursuit of the fleeing women and children, Makoto tried to summon the energy necessary to get her cell phone, and call Usagi and the new number on her speed dial, Ranma.

- + - + -

‘Dammit! I’ve totally underestimated them again.’ Ranma thought as summoned her Sailor Saturn disguise. Sailor Moon met her, and the two of them rather quickly found Makoto, collapsed in a nearby amphitheatre, along with several dozen other people. ‘It must still be nearby.’

Someone screamed, and a teenaged boy stumbled into view. In pursuit was a young man in a rather familiar, and quite ugly, orange striped sweater. He grabbed the boy, who collapsed as his energy was drained.

Makoto summoned the strength to point, and said, “Ruck…”

Ranma looked at Takae’s back, and saw the man’s turtle-shaped rucksack looked like a tick swollen with blood. Even as Ranma and Sailor Moon moved to intercept the young man, a scarecrow like youma emerged from its host. It removed up the puffed up rucksack from the man’s back, drew a sword, and began running away.

In a single leap, Ranma got ahead of the youma, her glaive at the ready. Sailor Moon blocked off its retreat. The woman attacked, thankful that Mousse had chosen a pole-arm that handled just like a staff. Ranma easily batted the sword out of its hand, but the youma proved to be a little tougher than she expected. Thankfully, Sailor Moon decided that she didn’t want to get anywhere near the whirling dervish of flashing metal that was Ranma.

Eventually, Ranma found an opening. A razor-sharp arc of energy, one of Kunzite’s more devastating attacks, emerged from the edge of the blade, and bisected the youma.

‘What the hell?’ Ranma thought, as the youma failed to explode like normal. Instead, the two halves of a cloth wrapped bundle of straw hit the floor.

“Moon Twilight Attack!” Sailor Moon unleashed her attack at a target behind Ranma, which turned out to be the actual youma. This one exploded properly. Sailor Moon looked proudly at the older woman, and said, “It’s done that before.”

Ranma arced an eyebrow at the girl. “You’ve fought one like that before?”

“I’ve fought this one before,” the girl explained, her proud expression starting to slip. “I… uh… kind of let it escape the first time,” the blushing girl elaborated.

Ranma walked up to the over inflated rucksack, and popped it with her glaive. ‘If this was an escaped youma, then maybe Beryl’s not ready to attack after all.’ Ranma watched the energy rush back to the victims of the youma’s attack. ‘But then again, how many other youma are out there, operating independent of the Dark Kingdom? We don't dare get complacent. There's too much at stake...’

- + - + -

“You actually thought Motoki-kun was Tuxedo Kamen?” Makoto asked playfully.

“Hai… but I didn’t feel the same way I do when I’m near Tuxedo Kamen. I wish I knew who he was.”

Following behind the pair of chatting girls, Ranma shook her head. ‘I’m halfway tempted to introduce the pair to each other out of costume, but it’s a lot more fun to watch the show.’ Ranma paused as a sudden thought hit her. ‘I wonder if this is how Cologne felt, watching our antics. She always looked like she was having fun.’

- + - + -

“You wanted to see me, Great Grandmother?”

“Ah, yes, Shampoo,” the wizened old woman said. “I want you to see something.” The woman guided the seasoned Amazon warrior into her house. She opened the door, revealing the battered human form within.

“Who is that… is that Mousse?”

“Indeed. It seems he’s made quite a name for himself within the Hong Kong film industry. He was attacked, but managed to make it to one of our safe houses before he collapsed. He told the warriors there several disturbing things, including that Saffron is nearing his time of ascension once again, and the warriors of Mount Phoenix are searching for their lost talismans. But far more disturbing is that he also revealed the location of a certain wayward young man.”

Shampoo rolled her eyes. “Great Grandmother, surely you don’t expect me to pursue Ranma after all this time.”

“No I don’t, Shampoo. That part of your life should remain behind you. I need you to do something far more difficult.”

“What is it?”

“Several foolish young warriors have already departed for Tokyo, in pursuit of their families’ vendetta. I need you to stop them. By any means necessary. If Saffron is indeed seeking ascension, then we need Ranma with us, not against us.”
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Postby Nadrek » Mon Nov 24, 2008 7:46 pm

Cool - it's Shampoo's turn to be the vengeful hand of the Matriarch.

By any means necessary, in the Amazon culture, would seem to be free license to use cursed spring water (permanent or temporary), attacks that would leave the warriors healing for months, crippling attacks, and killing attacks. If Shampoo is wise, she'll use months to heal, or kill, but not cripple.
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Postby PCHeintz72 » Mon Nov 24, 2008 9:38 pm

So do you want to go?"

I actually fail to see why ranma would go...

I should also note, I do not think Ranma's reaction near enough exclamatory at finding out usagi failed to mention she was setting him up to go on a date with a *boy*.

I do not know about SM Live, but SM anime canon, pig would fit her, she certainly consumes enough.

Usagi and Mamaru's hatred of each other (if it was that way in canon Live) reinforces my belief soul mates is basically enslavement of current incarnations and a very horrible thing to have happen to an indiividual.

"Several foolish young warriors have already departed for Tokyo, in pursuit of their families' vendetta. I need you to stop them. By any means necessary. If Saffron is indeed seeking ascension, then we need Ranma with us, not against us."

Those must be some stupid warriors, to have found out about both Saffron and Ranma,a nd still attempt to hunt down Ranma, knowing they need him...
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Postby Drawde » Mon Nov 24, 2008 11:25 pm

PCHeintz72 wrote:I should also note, I do not think Ranma's reaction near enough exclamatory at finding out usagi failed to mention she was setting him up to go on a date with a *boy*.

Remember that this Ranma is older, and deliberately spent a year as a (lesbian) female. He's probably learned to deal with it more than the canon version has.
Unless I say otherwise, if I'm discussing Ranma canon, I'm talking about the MANGA.
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Postby PCHeintz72 » Mon Nov 24, 2008 11:54 pm

Drawde wrote:Remember that this Ranma is older, and deliberately spent a year as a (lesbian) female. He's probably learned to deal with it more than the canon version has.

Ehhh... that does not really make sense to me.

A heterosexual male Ranma and a lesbian female Ranma who is older, and has a budding relationship with Minako, has been deliberately set up by a girl (who knows of his/her state of being and who he does not particularly like) to be on a date with a *guy*.

This is not even accounting for the stigma that people manipulating him in his youth and people throwing arranged marriages and challenge marriages and forced dates on him.

Even if I grant his acting is better, and even perhaps thought ahead to not want to make a public scene... He should at the bare minimum had some mental grumbling, if not mentally hatching an entire plot of epic level revenge against such an affront.

EDIT: Thinking on this, this would be no different than if in Sailor Moon Anime, Usagi decided to arrange a date with Haruka and a guy. Think on how Haruka or even Michiru might react to that one.
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Postby khim » Tue Nov 25, 2008 1:30 am

PCHeintz72 wrote:A heterosexual male Ranma and a lesbian female Ranma who is older, and has a budding relationship with Minako, has been deliberately set up by a girl (who knows of his/her state of being and who he does not particularly like) to be on a date with a *guy*.
It's just a date, he's not a fiance! There were prcedents in manga (date with a ghost should be more crrepy then date with a Mamoru, you know).

PCHeintz72 wrote:Even if I grant his acting is better, and even perhaps thought ahead to not want to make a public scene... He should at the bare minimum had some mental grumbling, if not mentally hatching an entire plot of epic level revenge against such an affront.
Oh, this'll be nice addition.
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Postby PCHeintz72 » Tue Nov 25, 2008 2:01 am

It's just a date, he's not a fiance! There were prcedents in manga (date with a ghost should be more crrepy then date with a Mamoru, you know).

Ehhh... Says who... :)

In any case, almost every date Ranma had in the series of his choosing was either was for getting something from someone (Kuno for the wishing sword, or Shampoo for the supposed cure, etc), or thought was going a good deed (the old ghost being put to pasture, or letting his father stay with the sick kid).

In this case, he was deliberately set up, by someone who knows his nature and his preferences. It was premeditated (remember her deliberately conning him into changing to Hotaru), thus understanding and acceptance should be in very short supply.

Oh, this'll be nice addition.

If the author were to take it that way. Could take the comedy route (Remember Ranma's revenge on Nabiki for fooling him during the Fiancee incident, though I assume he has grown enough to figure something better and more fitting) , or the serious route (my personal preference).

EDIT: Here is an odd cross thought I just had... What if the Amazons after Ranma get there before Shampoo, but end up tangling with the Senshi. Cologne might have more to bargain with than she wanted if the warriors start issuing kisses of death against the Senshi.
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Postby khim » Tue Nov 25, 2008 2:17 am

PCHeintz72 wrote:In any case, almost every date Ranma had in the manga of his choosing was either was for getting something from someone (Kuno for the wishing sword, or Shampoo for the supposed cure, etc), or thought was going a good deed (the old ghost being put to pasture, or letting his father stay with the sick kid).
Mmm... What exactly Ranma got in return to his services for Kodachi (Kodachi vs Asuka of the White Lily story)? Facts are:
1. In canon Ranma is ready to go on date if it'll help someone (not necessarily him).
2. In canon Ranma is ready to go on date with a male if hard pressed.
This story just combines two traits - not a big strecth if you'll recall that this Ranma lived as female for a year. The only question is: what Usagi used as a bribe (a'm not sure "puppy dog eyes" will be enough for somethis this big).

PCHeintz72 wrote:In this case, he was deliberately set up, by someone who knows his nature and his preferences.
Does she? AFAICS Usagy only knew Ranma for a day. Before that she was Takeda Megumi and Tomoe-sensei for Usagi. Female. Sure, Usagi "knows" Ranma is male in reality, but she does not feel like this emotionally. Hard to blame someone for your own deception...

PCHeintz72 wrote: It was premeditated, thus understanding and acceptance should be in very short supply.
Sorry, but no. Ranma rarely holds a grudge - that why canon characters are all still alive. This Ranma slightly more different but if s/he can play Princess Edimion then why can't she play hot date?

PCHeintz72 wrote:If the author were to take it that way. Could take the comedy route (Remember Ranma's revenge on Nabiki for fooling him during the Fiancee incident, though I assume he has grown enough to figure something better and more fitting) , or the serious route (my personal preference).
Are you sure it's serious enough offence? Ranma only tried to get revenge against Nabike after repeated abuse and only when he overheard someone and found out that it was deliberate on Nabiki's part.

It's very hard to bring Ranma to the point of seeking revenge - at least canon Ranma.

PCHeintz72 wrote:EDIT: Here is an odd cross thought I just had... What if the Amazons after Ranma get there before Shampoo, but end up tangling with the Senshi. Cologne might have more to bargain with than she wanted if the warriors start issuing kisses of death against the Senshi.
It's be hilarious but then this fic will never be finished :-(
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Postby PCHeintz72 » Tue Nov 25, 2008 2:32 am

Does she? AFAICS Usagy only knew Ranma for a day. Before that she was Takeda Megumi for Usagi.

Ummm... She only knew him a day, and decides to take him with her on a date, yeath right. She knew of Ranma, she knew of both Takeda's, she knew of Minako... She knew of Minakos condition, and knows Ranmas real gender... she should know what the press are stating on Minako's relationships if she follows idols like Rei. She deliberately had Ranma change to Hotaru. And deliberately left out she was going to take Ranma to meet with some guys.

I fail to see the lack of understanding of the situation. If it is not a deliberate insult to Ranma, it is at least a private joke to her that she set Motoki and his friends up for a date with a guy...

Even more, Rei is supposedly a big fan, also knows the situation, and yet she also did nothing and even got a good laugh out of the idea of Ranma going with Usagi. And Makoto was there.

So except Ami... they all conspired to make fun of him. EDIT: Well usagi/Makoto did, Rei acted independantly.

PCHeintz72 wrote:
It was premeditated, thus understanding and acceptance should be in very short supply.
Sorry, but no. Ranma rarely holds a grudge

I did not mean for long term... Ranma certain has held short term.

If the author does not do sometihng with the situation, then the setup is almost a waste and Usagi and others gets off scott free. When merging two comedy shows together, that should never happen. Oh well.

I'll make no more comments on it, and instead wait for the next chapter to see what, if anything, is done about this transgression.

It's be hilarious but then this fic will never be finished

Bummer if true ... it is something I cannot recall ever having seen before in a single story with a kiss of death against more than one senshi.
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Postby LiliandraNadiar » Tue Nov 25, 2008 5:55 am

Actually, Rei seemed to have been the central architect. She suggest Ranma go in her place. Usagi probably didn't really think about 'would Ranma/Hotaru/Megumi want to go on a group date?' I haven't seen all of PGSM yet, but she seems pretty scatter-brained in the first five episodes I have seen and may actually think Megumi and Hotaru really are seperate people in the same body.

So we have Ranma being asked to 'hang out' with Makoto and Usagi as invite Tome-sensei, the identiy they have had interactions with before, (see last chapter on Ranma's grumbling about making a snack run on a training trip) without telling her about the date part until the guys show up. Hotaru at this point can either walk away, hurting Usagi's feelings and generally appearing to be a b****, or she can grin and bare it.

Not to say I wouldn't expect some mental muttering about 'extra training' for certain princesses, but she's already there anyways so....
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Postby DarkFyre99 » Tue Nov 25, 2008 7:01 am

Ah, a heated debate, over something I thought was pretty clear in the fic. A sure sign that some editing is required. :)

To address the original post:
PCHeintz72 wrote:I actually fail to see why ranma would go...
Ranma and Minako have been manipulating them for two months now, Ranma had been actively lying to them for several weeks, and it's only been a few days since the two of them came clean. I think that's motive enough for playing nice with Usagi and the others.

PCHeintz72 wrote:I should also note, I do not think Ranma's reaction near enough exclamatory at finding out usagi failed to mention she was setting him up to go on a date with a *boy*.
Usagi didn't realize that when she got the tickets from Motoki, that it was intended to be for a group date. Makoto had to point it out to her, after the two of them arrived.

As for why Ranma would play along without grumbling, external or internal?

There's several factors.

First, Ranma does have an incentive to play nice with the others.

Second, as several people have pointed out, Ranma is eleven years older by now, part of him had been living full time as woman for a year, and even before then he'd spending most of his time female. I think Ranma's long gotten past feeling horrified towards even the idea of spending time with a boy as a girl, especially when that the idea of a group date is to reduce the romantic pressure part of a date.

Third, Ranma is pretty secure in his sexuality by now. His Megumi identity is an actress who's main claim to fame is playing the main character of a franchise that tends towards the ecchi, who is notoriously boy crazy and very unlucky in the romance department. He's shown a willingness to flirt with Mousse because it makes Mousse uncomfortable. And given Ranma's interactions with Mamoru to date...

Finally, Ranma picked up "bad blind date" vibes as quickly as Rei did, and decided to have fun watching the chaos and making Mamoru uncomfortable, rather than spend the day complaining.

PCHeintz72 wrote:Usagi and Mamaru's hatred of each other (if it was that way in canon Live) reinforces my belief soul mates is basically enslavement of current incarnations and a very horrible thing to have happen to an indiividual.


The Sailor Moon franchise has always consistantly portrayed the early relationship of Usagi and Mamoru as a mutual Clark Kent/Lois Lane relationship. Both are in love with the alter ego of the other, while finding the mundane identity of the other as annoying. They always make a bad first impression,.

Once the masks (proverbial or literal) come off, they get over it. Of course, the live action version adds several new twists to their relationship.

PCHeintz72 wrote:Those must be some stupid warriors, to have found out about both Saffron and Ranma,a nd still attempt to hunt down Ranma, knowing they need him...
The Amazons, the Musk, and Saffron's people have never struck me as particularly sane. It must be something in the water...
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Postby PepperJAQ » Tue Nov 25, 2008 2:32 pm

'buta' is pig... i think 'kobuta' would be more like 'piglet' :3 kinda like 'koneko' (kitten... as opposed to the common 'neko' meaning cat naturally XD ) (which haruka calls usagi in either the manga or the anime... can't remember)

just thought i'd point that out. ^_^;

great work so far... my only problem is how short these chapters are... you keep them rolling, so it evens out ;3
*sends much good vibes to friends*
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Postby AshK1980 » Tue Nov 25, 2008 6:45 pm

Darkfyre99: Interesting concept. I can't wait to see the final version of it posted. It looks good right now. I will leave it up to you what you want to do with it. You might want to add Hotaru-Ranma saying Saturn Power Make Up, but it's upto you. Good work!
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Postby DarkFyre99 » Tue Nov 25, 2008 7:18 pm

Slade13 wrote:'buta' is pig... i think 'kobuta' would be more like 'piglet' :3 kinda like 'koneko' (kitten... as opposed to the common 'neko' meaning cat naturally XD ) (which haruka calls usagi in either the manga or the anime... can't remember)
Ah, I should've caught that.

Thanks, fixed.
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Postby DarkFyre99 » Tue Nov 25, 2008 7:23 pm

Just a few tweaks to the beginning of the group date for greater clarity:

___________________________________________

(Usagi said,) “Oh, hai. Hotaru-san, would you like to come with Mako-chan and me to the amusement park today?”

Completely stunned, Ranma pointed at herself and said, “Me?”

“Hai. I have three tickets, only they expire today, but Naru-chan is out of town and Ami-chan wanted to do some research. Rei-chan said she was busy, but she said she knew that Minako-chan was out of town this weekend too, so you might not have something to do. So do you want to go?”

“Sure. Why not?” ‘I guess the girls really have forgiven us for deceiving them. Even Rei.’

- + - + -

Hino Rei happily sat in her pajamas, eating candy and watching the Devil Hunter Yohko marathon on T.V. She had really dodged a bullet this time. She had seen Motoki-kun give Usagi those tickets, and she recognized a group date setup when she saw one, and this particular one had disaster written all over it. ‘Have fun on your little date, Ranma,’ Rei thought smugly. ‘And I’ll call it even.’

- + - + -

Ranma smiled when she saw Kino Makoto waiting by the gate. The girl smiled back at Ranma, then turned to Usagi and said, “I thought you were going to ask Rei-chan.”

“Rei-chan said she couldn’t make it, but she suggested Hotaru-san might want to come.”

Makoto’s question to Usagi caused Ranma’s left eyebrow to arch. “You do realize that Motoki-kun’s friends are probably his age, don't you?”

Usagi looked at her taller friend blankly. “Huh?”

Ranma pinched her nose. “Usagi, this Motoki asked you out on a group date, you and two of your friends with him and two of his.”

Ranma watched as understanding sunk in. “Oh. Sorry, Hotaru-san.” Embarrassed, Usagi backed up into another person. She turned to apologize, until she saw who it was. “You again!”
you can find my stories at: DarkFyre99 on Fanfiction.net
DarkFyre99
Senshi Cadet
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