Spoiled Brats
Author’s Note: If you’re a fan of fantasy role-playing games, I recommend “Order of the Stick,” a hilarious webcomic which demonstrates what stick figures can be like when someone puts a lot attention to detail into them.
Oh, by the way, Kobuta means pig. There’s absolutely no reason why you need to know this information. *whistles innocently*
Chapter Twenty-Two – Rest and Relaxation aka The Torment of Chiba Mamoru
Ranma was making breakfast for one Saturday morning when the buzzer went off. She moved to the intercom and switched on the view screen. Standing outside the building was Tsukino Usagi. ‘She must be here to see Ami, and hit the wrong button. Either that, or she wants to surprise the girl.’ Seeing no reason not to, Ranma buzzed the girl in.
Ranma was surprised when a few minutes later, her doorbell rang. She opened the door, saying, “Come in, Tsukino-san. Is there a problem?”
“No, Takeda-san, and please call me Usagi. Tsukino-san’s my mom.”
“Okay, Usagi-chan. And you can call me Megumi. Or Ranma if you prefer, but only in private.”
“Hai, Megumi-san. Um… can I talk to Hotaru-san?”
Ranma opened her mouth to say something, but decided that explaining wasn’t worth the effort. Instead, she went tomboy.
Usagi smiled. “Sugoi. You have a Luna Cell Phone too!”
“Luna Cell phone?”
“Hai! Look.” Usagi took out her pink cell phone, and started pressing button. Each time a button was pressed, the girl changed outfits, and sometimes hairstyles as well.
“That must be pretty convenient, Usagi-chan, but I don’t have a cell phone like that. But I must say your method looks a lot easier than mine. By the way, you wanted to ask me something?”
“Oh, hai. Hotaru-san, would you like to come with Mako-chan and me to the amusement park today?”
Completely stunned, Ranma pointed at herself and said, “Me?”
“Hai. I have three tickets, only they expire today, but Naru-chan is out of town and Ami-chan wanted to do some research. Rei-chan said she was busy, but she knew Minako-chan was out of town this weekend too, so you might not have something to do. So do you want to go?”
- + - + -
Hino Rei happily sat in her pajamas, eating candy and watching the Devil Hunter Yohko marathon on T.V. She had really dodged a bullet this time. She had seen Motoki-kun give Usagi those tickets, and she recognized a group date setup when she saw one, and this particular one had disaster written all over it. ‘Have fun on your little date, Ranma,’ Rei thought smugly. ‘And I’ll call it even.’
- + - + -
Ranma smiled when she saw Kino Makoto waiting by the gate. The girl smiled back at Ranma, then turned to Usagi and said, “I thought you were going to ask Rei-chan.”
“Rei-chan said she couldn’t make it, but she suggested Hotaru-san might want to come.”
Makoto’s question to Usagi caused Ranma’s left eyebrow to arch. “You do realize that Motoki-kun’s friends are probably his age?”
“Huh?”
Ranma pinched her nose. “Usagi, this Motoki asked you out on a group date, you and two of your friends with him and two of his.”
“Oh. Sorry, Hotaru-san.” Embarrassed, Usagi backed up into another person. She turned to apologize, until she saw who it was. “You again!”
“You really are following me, Kobuta-chan.”
“It’s not Kobuta! It’s Usagi! U-sa-gi!”
‘Kami-sama, I must be doing something right after all. It’s the Tuxedo’s civilian identity.’ Ranma stepped up, and with a evil grin, said, “Would you introduce us to your friend, Usagi-chan?”
Ranma had the satisfaction of watching all the blood drain out of her prince’s face. “You!!!”
Makoto glanced from the evilly grinning woman to the nearly terrified man. “You know each other?”
Ranma’s predatory smile never left her face. “We faced off against each other in Kendo, but we’ve never been formally introduced.” She offered the man her hand. “Tomoe Hotaru, at your service.”
“Chiba Mamoru,” the man replied, grasping her forearm unconsciously in reply.
“Don’t worry, Chiba-san. I left my sword at home.”
The arrival of two other young men broke the tension. “Ah! Mamoru-kun! I see you’ve already met Usagi-chan and her friend. Who’s this?”
Usagi stepped forward, “Oh, this is my friend Tomoe Hotaru. Hotaru-san, this is Furuhata Motoki-kun. And you already know Kino Makoto-chan.”
“Nice to meet you.” Motoki turned to introduce the last member of their party, a young man in a rather ugly looking orange striped sweater with a turtle-shaped rucksack. “This is my fellow turtle enthusiast, Morimoto Takae-kun. The three of us go to the same college.”
Ranma watched the body language between Mamoru and Usagi. ‘This could be fun after all. Apparently the prince and princess don’t recognize each other in their mundane forms, and actually find each other annoying. And Usagi has a thing for Motoki, too.’
“Oh, here. I finally finished fixing this for you.” Motoki handed Mamoru a bag. “What on earth did all that damage, anyways?”
Mamoru glanced at Ranma. “I, uh, had a little accident at work.”
“Mamoru-kun, I can’t think of any job that requires you to wear that, and still do all that damage…”
- + - + -
In the end, they decided to pair off by playing Jan Ken Pon. This left Ranma paired with Motoki, Takae paired off with Makoto, and Usagi paired up with Mamoru, much to the latter pair’s discomfort and Ranma’s secret amusement. After the girl’s third longing gaze at Ranma’s “date,” she took pity on Usagi, and traded partners.
Mamoru watched as Usagi took Motoki’s arm, and he guided them towards the park entrance. “Oh, so that’s what this is all about.” The man glanced at Ranma nervously, uncertain on whether it would be safe to offer the woman his arm. Ranma took it anyways, giving the man mischievous grin that didn’t reassure him any.
Behind them, Makoto looked dubiously at her partner, who had a nervous case of the hiccups.
- + - + -
“Relax, Mamoru-kun. I needed to evaluate your skills, and you are a very hard man to track down,” Ranma said as the two of them lagged behind the others, a little windblown from the roller coaster. “Now that I have a name and a face, that won’t be a problem anymore.”
“How do you know Usagi, anyways?”
“I live across the hall from one of her friends, and she was desperate to find a third. And will you relax and enjoy the day?” Ranma turned her amused gaze to Makoto and her date, who was still hiccuping. “You laugh at the antics of your friends, while I laugh at the girls. This is supposed to be fun, after all.”
“Hai.”
- + - + -
“I think there’s going to be two disappointed young men by the day is out, Mamoru-kun.”
“Huh?”
“Takae-kun is clearly not impressing his date, and I’ve seen the dance performed enough times to tell that the chemistry isn’t there between Usagi-chan and Motoki-kun.”
“Oh. You know, Hotaru-san, I could take a turn on the oars.”
Ranma pulled hard on the oars as the boat almost skipped across the water, Mamoru holding on for dear life. “Now where would the fun be in that?” Ranma asked as she pepared for their third lap across the lake. She looked at the shore, where the tall girl was patting the boy on his back, in an effort to stop his hiccups. “You know, it’s still not too late to switch over to Makoto.”
“No, it wouldn’t be fair to Takae-kun.” Mamoru hastily added, “I mean, it’s his first date, and I wouldn’t want to ruin it for him. I mean…”
“Relax, Mamoru-kun. I’ve put my foot in my mouth enough times to recognize that something didn’t come out right. We’ll give the man a chance woo the lovely Makoto.”
- + - + -
Ranma took pity on Makoto, and suggested the house of mirrors, where at least the girl and the still hiccupping young man could come with. The poor girl had missed out on the roller coasters and most of the other rides because of her companion.
Somewhere along the line, she had gotten separated from her prince, and the mirror maze was beginning to piss her off. She had managed to convince herself not to blast a hole to the exit for the third time, when she stumbled upon Furuhata Motoki, who didn’t look at all well.
“Motoki-kun?” The man nodded, still looking green. “Claustrophobia?” He nodded again. “Let’s get you out of here.”
Ranma closed her eyes, and then pushed her ki out in a circle around her, feeling the shape of the maze. After several pulses, she had a route out of the maze. ‘I wondered what happened to Usagi...’
- + - + -
“Takae-kun?”
Makoto was not having fun. It wasn’t Takae’s fault, she reminded herself for the fifth time today, but the poor guy was clearly nervous to the point of being incapacitated. They didn’t even go into the House of Mirrors. She also didn’t blame Ranma for monopolizing Chiba-san. Whatever was going on between the two of them, it clearly wasn’t romantic. She only had to look at Ranma and Minako together to see that the two were perfect for each other.
Unfortunately, Takae had wandered off to try another hiccup remedy, and he hadn’t returned. She didn’t think he’d ditched her, but she was starting to get worried, which was why she’d gone looking for him.
She found him near a bandstand, looking down at the stage below. “Takae-kun? Are you okay?” She stared down into the bandstand herself, at several motionless clowns below, and at the mothers who were trying to flee with crying children. ‘No! It can’t be! Youma?’ She grabbed the man’s arm, and began pulling him away. “Takae-kun, let’s get out of here! Takae-kun?”
It took her several seconds to realize that Takae was no longer hiccupping in her presence, and by then it was too late. The man placed a hand on her abdomen, and she felt her energy drain away. As Takae ran in pursuit of the fleeing women and children, Makoto tried to summon the energy necessary to get her cell phone, and call Usagi and the new number on her speed dial, Ranma.
- + - + -
‘Dammit! I’ve totally underestimated them again.’ Ranma thought as summoned her Sailor Saturn disguise. Sailor Moon met her, and the two of them rather quickly found Makoto, collapsed in a nearby amphitheatre, along with several dozen other people. ‘It must still be nearby.’
Someone screamed, and a teenaged boy stumbled into view. In pursuit was a young man in a rather familiar, and quite ugly, orange striped sweater. He grabbed the boy, who collapsed as his energy was drained.
Makoto summoned the strength to point, and said, “Ruck…”
Ranma looked at Takae’s back, and saw the man’s turtle-shaped rucksack looked like a tick swollen with blood. Even as Ranma and Sailor Moon moved to intercept the young man, a scarecrow like youma emerged from its host. It removed up the puffed up rucksack from the man’s back, drew a sword, and began running away.
In a single leap, Ranma got ahead of the youma, her glaive at the ready. Sailor Moon blocked off its retreat. The woman attacked, thankful that Mousse had chosen a pole-arm that handled just like a staff. Ranma easily batted the sword out of its hand, but the youma proved to be a little tougher than she expected. Thankfully, Sailor Moon decided that she didn’t want to get anywhere near the whirling dervish of flashing metal that was Ranma.
Eventually, Ranma found an opening. A razor-sharp arc of energy, one of Kunzite’s more devastating attacks, emerged from the edge of the blade, and bisected the youma.
‘What the hell?’ Ranma thought, as the youma failed to explode like normal. Instead, the two halves of a cloth wrapped bundle of straw hit the floor.
“Moon Twilight Attack!” Sailor Moon unleashed her attack at a target behind Ranma, which turned out to be the actual youma. This one exploded properly. Sailor Moon looked proudly at the older woman, and said, “It’s done that before.”
Ranma arced an eyebrow at the girl. “You’ve fought one like that before?”
“I’ve fought this one before,” the girl explained, her proud expression starting to slip. “I… uh… kind of let it escape the first time,” the blushing girl elaborated.
Ranma walked up to the over inflated rucksack, and popped it with her glaive. ‘If this was an escaped youma, then maybe Beryl’s not ready to attack after all.’ Ranma watched the energy rush back to the victims of the youma’s attack. ‘But then again, how many other youma are out there, operating independent of the Dark Kingdom? We don't dare get complacent. There's too much at stake...’
- + - + -
“You actually thought Motoki-kun was Tuxedo Kamen?” Makoto asked playfully.
“Hai… but I didn’t feel the same way I do when I’m near Tuxedo Kamen. I wish I knew who he was.”
Following behind the pair of chatting girls, Ranma shook her head. ‘I’m halfway tempted to introduce the pair to each other out of costume, but it’s a lot more fun to watch the show.’ Ranma paused as a sudden thought hit her. ‘I wonder if this is how Cologne felt, watching our antics. She always looked like she was having fun.’
- + - + -
“You wanted to see me, Great Grandmother?”
“Ah, yes, Shampoo,” the wizened old woman said. “I want you to see something.” The woman guided the seasoned Amazon warrior into her house. She opened the door, revealing the battered human form within.
“Who is that… is that Mousse?”
“Indeed. It seems he’s made quite a name for himself within the Hong Kong film industry. He was attacked, but managed to make it to one of our safe houses before he collapsed. He told the warriors there several disturbing things, including that Saffron is nearing his time of ascension once again, and the warriors of Mount Phoenix are searching for their lost talismans. But far more disturbing is that he also revealed the location of a certain wayward young man.”
Shampoo rolled her eyes. “Great Grandmother, surely you don’t expect me to pursue Ranma after all this time.”
“No I don’t, Shampoo. That part of your life should remain behind you. I need you to do something far more difficult.”
“What is it?”
“Several foolish young warriors have already departed for Tokyo, in pursuit of their families’ vendetta. I need you to stop them. By any means necessary. If Saffron is indeed seeking ascension, then we need Ranma with us, not against us.”




