Dive into the Unknown Ch.2

[Cheb]

Previous chapters:
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1. I am sorry for posting my own stuff before commenting on other's work first (namely, IceSquared). I just too damn tired today, I'll do that tomorrow. I post this and say good-night.
2. The events so far (for those who waited too long and forgot some details): There was an unfortunate collision of universes with contradicting sets of rules. As a result, Sailor Moon was lost in the alien universe, losing all her magical powers. The situation cannot be resolved until she is returned. The negative side-effects including the destruction of Time Gate and locking all the Jusenkyou-cursed persons in the world in their current state. The acting Almighty of that alien universe, Ahs-Ahsh, whom they found in the deepest parts of Siberia, sympathized the Senshi. But he was so busy that the task of retrieving SM was put to our favorite Saotomes - Ranko and Akane...
3. I'd like somebody's comment on use of the articles in the machine talk like “Carnivorous life form detected.” During my exposure to various software I noticed that they are often omitted. Is that right or wrong?
4. Some parts are from the old Ch2, which I wrote when my English was a bit worse. I tried to weed these things out, but they can still show through.
5. I'm out of ideas how to name this chapter. The old one, "You'd Prefer Herwith that Mallet-Sama of Hers...", doesn't fit anymore, because the chapter stopped being Ranma&Akane-centric.
6. I don't like the composition of this patchwork. To merge the new content with the existing one I used things I usually avoid: the flashbacks and the short scenes, action jumping back and forth between various parties. *Any* suggestions would be appreciated, because I'm out of ideas. Should I throw something out..? Or add more scene(s) ..? Rearrange something? Shift the accents..?
7. I strongly suspect I got the wording of that song wrong. I just can't remember it clearly. But googling it is doesn't help, because these words are *too* widely used.
8. The parts of this were inspired by some blogs. When I searched for the info on the Magadan city, I found many traveler's notes styled "I visited Russia and I saw Hell". It was just so damn funny that I couldn't help myself...
9. It is very hard do track the seasons in the SR continuity. I assumed the time (equal to 4th chapter of "Just Add Water") is spring (most probably, April or May).
Chapter 2, <no name>
(The nicely formatted version *here*)

* * *
DAY ONE.
They strode underneath the twilight sky, where the pinkish glow of sunrise became brighter with each moment. Their path lay through the rocky and deserted mountains, where even the grass was a rare sight. On their shoulders were the heavy, thoroughly filled backpacks with the tent, sleeping-bags, load of food and two sets of warm clothing (for a case if they'll get into some arctic world). Akane was in high spirits, despite all the precariousness of their path. She was dressed in the light, beige sport jacket and shorts, with the heavy mountain-climber's shoes. Ranko walked behind her - grumpy, sleepy and tired after many teleportations home and back, most of them unnecessary, as it turned out later. She wore her usual red-black Chinese outfit, complete with the Kung-fu shoes.
“Tell me again,” grumbled Ranko, “What was that, 'Go and occupy yourself with something'..? Or was it 'I'm busy, think for yourself'..? No, no, I'm wrong... 'You're a big boy, you could figure it on your own' - that was the main reason...”
“Ah com'on, stop whining,” her wife said, finally irritated. “You did it yourself, bringing all that mountainload of stuff before learning everything about the features of this world. And didn't Mercury warn you..? So enough blaming me!”
“Sorry,” Ranko replied, not sounding especially sorry. “It's just... All this crap just gets on my nerves. And here I am: tired before we even started, and all it for nothing.” She snorted. “You're right. I did it to me myself. And trying to warn Mousse was, probably, a bad idea”
“You did what..?” Akane stopped and turned to stare at her.
“Yeah, Yeah. I know. I should have known better. It was just natural that he accused me of locking Shampoo in her cat form...”
Akane just sighed at that. Figures. He just couldn't not get into the another meaningless fight.
* * *
[Yesterday]
“Thanks,” Sun huffed, putting her last purchase at the foothills of Mt.Supplies, and returning to Pluto her abused credit card.
Pluto eyed said mountain with a critical eye. “Are you sure you will be able to lift all of this..?”
“Don't sweat,” Ranko replied arrogantly. “I can carry it all the day, piece of cake. Just watch.” She started stuffing the mountain of supplies into the huge backpack, which soon looked ready to burst. It was clearly bigger than her. Sun detransformed into Ranko and lifted the monstrous backpack effortlessly with one hand, putting it on. Then she walked to the portal that led to the alien world. The arch that none of them yet crossed.
“Wait,” Io tried to stop her, from her position where she knelt beside Mercury, both familiarizing themselves with the tiny, medallion-shaped computer that Ahs-Ahsh gave them. “There is a warning that in this world the spiritual energy is...”
Ranko just ignored her words, walking boldly through the portal.
*THUD*
“..ineffective,” Io finished, deadpanned.
“Ouch..! Unngh..!,” Ranko groaned, flattened under her backpack. Alas, her struggling proved totally futile. “Arrrgh..! Somebody, get this thing offa me..!,” she wailed finally.
* * *
..And so she learned the hard way that Ki didn't work here. All her previous experience told her that the energy of human spirit should work everywhere - in the space, under the water, even in the alien universe... But this weird, unnatural world denied it the same way it denied magic. Both girls felt a pressure on their souls. It felt like a immense stone slab that hangs just inch above your head - mostly impalpable, but depressing with its presence alone. And any attempt to use their Ki hit that barrier. They were left with just their muscle power, like the ordinary, albeit trained, mortals.
The bad thing was that they were forced to leave most of the stuff behind, taking only the most necessary supplies and hoping they will be lucky.
The good thing was that such draconian limits (according to the built-in encyclopaedia of their medallion) existed only in this world, the "root" of Ahs multiverse.
The second bad thing was that such a spiritual limitation was deadly for the human spirit, killing it in approximately a month of constant exposition. They didn't completely understand what the "dying of the spirit" term exactly meant, but they weren't inclined to stay and check it.
Oh, these weren't all of the bad things, no-no. There were more, most of them more or less lethal...
* * *
[The last night]
“Radiation..?!” Io exclaimed suddenly, drawing all the eyes to her and Mercury.
“I'm afraid, so” Mercury said, totally concentrated on the medallion screen. “And its level is very high. The Chernobyl zone looks tame in comparison”
“Uh, What's that... Ummm... Cherno-thing is..?” Ranko asked sheepishly. Better shamed than sorry, she had already learned that.
“Ignorant as always!” Akane snapped at her indignantly. “Chernu... It's the name of the nuclear power plant that exploded in... in 1996..? Or was it... uh...,” she finished lamely. Ranko just snorted, showing how insufferable she was.
“It was the biggest nuclear catastrophe this world knows of,” Mercury informed them politely. “Chernobyl is the nuclear power plant that exploded in 1986. Luckily, it was the only so far in human history. The results were awful. A huge area was contaminated, the people who lived there either evacuated or died over the years from the radiation poisoning. And all this land became unsuitable for human habitation for hundreds of years. The living organisms often suffer horrible mutations there - you know, the six-legged rabbits, the pine threes with five-inch needles... Things that the yellow press loves so much”
“And that zone is tame in comparison with this?!” Ranko jumped onto her feet, alarmed, pointing at the portal to the alien world, now immersed in night the same way as our world was.
“I wouldn't worry too much about the radioactive contamination,” Mercury halted her gently. “Its distribution is highly uneven, you will be able to bypass the really dangerous areas using the map it has in there,” she pointed at the medallion. “No, What worries me more than radiation is the concept of... "temporal noise contamination" as described here. I never met it before. Not in the modern science, not in the records of Silver Millennium...”
“Worse than the radiation..?” Ranko asked incredulously, a dark foreboding creeping into her soul like a friendly viper.
“...Yes,” Mercury replied slowly, immersed in reading. “This article says, it disrupts the regenerative abilities of organisms, among the other things”
“And so what..?” Ranko asked, visibly relieved. “Any wounds will heal slower, or what?”
Mercury lifted her eyes and glared at Ranko. “Did you know that our bodies suffer the constant decomposition..? It's our regenerative abilities that constantly repair the damage, allowing us to stay alive for decades, not months!”
“Months..?” Ranko gulped nervously.
“Yes,” Mercury confirmed firmly. “Without the constant regeneration your body would grow old in just a few months, shrivel up and die”
Ranko froze, having imagined herself in the hide of Cologne. Her face gained a bluish hue, her hair stood vertically, including the pigtail.
“And that's why,” Mercury continued, having turned back to the medallion and thus not noticing the horrified statue behind her, “we need to sleep regularly. The regeneration works only when we sleep... Or when we are in our Senshi forms,” she added.
There was a wooden thud when Ranko's form toppled over...
* * *
Their path ran through the mountains - with the flat, gentle slopes, but mountains nevertheless - and more than that, it also twisted shamelessly among the deadly contaminated zones, which covered the landscape like a thick mosaic.
Ranko kept silently striding behind Akane, who from time to time glanced at the tiny screen of the medallion, correcting their path to avoid all these hazards. The medallion tinkled merrily, even in the relatively “clean” places showing radiation levels about fifteen times higher the safe level...
Oh yes, and don't forget the problem of...
* * *
[The last night]
“Ku-what?” Ranko asked, dumbfounded
“Khas-Eeshyaeets,” Mercury explained. “The extra-large non-organic life forms, producing nuclear explosions when they are mating. Unfortunately, their mating season is at its peak now, as we saw yesterday”
“Who the hell they are, making the nuclear explosions when they are... um... doing that?” Ranko asked.
“There's very little info about them” Mercury replied apologetically. “They are clearly endemic to the root world. So, as this world is inhabited only by Ahs-Ahsh alone, there is just nobody to study them. I think.” She concentrated on the screen. “Let's see. About a kilometer in size, feed by drilling mountains and devouring various minerals. When they stay and feed, they look like a craters filled with oil... So, they are liquid then..? When they move, they form a vortex consisting of their own matter and the absorbed rock. Ummm... The typical vortex is one to three kilometers in diameter, two to five in height. Heavily destroy the landscape in their wake. The most suitable deterrent... a nuclear charge, power one to ten kilotons... A direct hit forces them to turn or back off. Oh, and a the last bit, although this information is uncorroborated: they are highly toxic to any organic life forms” She lifted her eyes from the screen. “Well, that's all”
“Oh, JOY!” both Ranko and Akane groaned.
* * *
“How do you think, did these Hasu-Isyaitu finish with their.. um.. business..?” Ranko asked while they walked. She (as well as Akane) had a strong aversion to the nuclear explosions.
The bad thing was that the Gate - their current goal - lay in that same direction, where yesterday raged these Khas-Eeshyaeets on their triple-damned mating.
“I hope they did,” Akane encouraged her husband. “And even if not... Well, you know, what to do. Drop to the ground, your feet to the flash, cover your head, and pray,” she said with a smirk, although said smirk was somewhat unnatural. From the horizon, as if mocking, came a long rumble...
“You know, without my powers of Sailor Sun I feel naked” Ranko confessed suddenly. “As if turning Ki useless wasn't enough” she shivered.
”Do you think, I'm not..?” Akane said. “And feeling myself half-blind and half-deaf isn't a picnic either... We got so quickly used to all these Senshi powers” she touched her henshin stick, hanging under her shirt on the thick cord, now dead and useless. “Well, I think all our teammates should spend a day in this world. Just to remember what it means - to be a common mortal.”
Ranko agreed completely.
And then they hit a dead end and were forced to turn back...
That was the root of their main problem. The medallion didn't hold all the deadly zones in its memory, like it did for the geographic map. It just detected them on the fly. Given the painfully small effective radius of its scanning - one-two kilometers at best - they moved like the mole rats in a dark labyrinth, making a lot of unnecessary footwork and often returning back from the dead ends. And of course, to the naked eye all these zones were absolutely indistinguishable from safe ones - just the same monotone rocky slopes.
Our two travelers have already gotten into danger many times, all thanks to Akane’s stupid mistakes. She would set the scanning mode incorrectly, or choose wrong zoom factor for the map, or just look at the screen upside down (yes, even that)... Luckily, she still didn’t find a menu item that could switch off the automatic voice warnings - and the medallion loudly yelled each time, warning two travelers when they wandered into danger, forcing them to run back along their own tracks...
* * *
The tired Senshi sat down to rest a little. Who would think that without both Sun and Moon a simple act of teleportation will become impossible..?
But this was the hard truth. They stuck here, in the middle of nowhere, unable to return home. Pluto had lost a half of her powers, and now had only the power of afterlife - good for sending somebody to the said afterlife but absolutely useless for the means of transportation.
Uranus and Neptune - theoretically - should be able to teleport by themselves, but they didn't do it in this life even once, and so didn't even remember how.(*1) Because the dormant magical abilities usually awake in the moment of dire need, but all their previous enemies were always close at hand. And the Senshi magic obviously didn't think of their current situation as "dire". They had, after all, a whole mountain of supplies left behind by the two travelers.
It's just that nobody was thrilled by the idea to camp in this inhospitable land for unknown time. Maybe, for weeks.
Mercury tried to dig the information on the Outers teleporting out of her computer, but there was nothing on this subject there. After all, who writes down things so trivial and well-known as how to breathe. Or how the Great Pyramid's outer finish looks like...
Luna, back at home, was banging Artemis with a blunt instrument, accusing him of inability to remember such a simple detail. Although, to be honest, her guilt wasn't any lesser.
In short, the incomplete now circle of Inners was left with attempts to replace their "missing link" with somebody from the group of the Outers. The idea was good, it was its implementation that failed. What worked with Sun instead Moon didn't work with neither Uranus, Neptune or Pluto. They just didn't have enough power on their disposal. And adding one more into the circle disrupted the magical number five, increasing the load instead of helping.
They didn't try it with Saturn yet - her power was too destructive, and they were wary of it.
“You know, what?,” Venus sighed, glancing at Mercury, who was busy with her computer. “I envy her. Big time” She, with a glum expression on her features, bit her chocolate bar.
The only answer was the vast silence reigning over the mountain land.
* * *
Till noon Ranko and Akane have covered much less distance than they had planned. Akane now sported a permanently-red face color and eye twitch.
Ranko, on the other hand, sported a nice collection of lumps. She was lucky yet that Akane's mallet won't materialize here. But at least Ranko was learning to hold her mouth shut, albeit with a titanic effort. She just hoped that they wouldn’t receive a lethal dose of radiation, or worse, before reaching their goal.
After another awkward dealing with the keyboard, Akane gladly announced that there seemed to be a big zone ahead, clean of radiation and other nasties. Ranko skeptically “hmph”-ed, causing Akane to start boiling again.
“You know, I just don't like that there is such a heat haze over that 'clean' place...,” said Ranko five kilometers (of which only two had been in the desired direction) later. Akane started to have some doubts too...
After crossing the last ridge before the mysterious zone, their enthusiasm wilted completely: ahead them stretched a barely covered by fresh crust, breathing with crimson cracks, surface of the lava flood... The medallion merrily displayed a “safe for human” here...
“It seems, somebody again screwed... er, that Ahsu-Ahsyu barely knows what is safe for us, humans...” Ranko corrected herself just in time. “Well, whatever... At least we can heat our lunch for free!” She straightened the straps of her backpack and started briskly descending to the red-hot surface...
* * *
Nothing else working, they tried Saturn at last. Five Inners plus the diminutive Senshi, who was also part time Judgment Day Angel, stood in a circle, concentrated...
One shout “SAILOR TELEPORT” and a blinding flash later the only thing that was left after them... were the four bewildered Inners forming an incomplete circle inside the ring of crushed rock.
“Uh-oh,” was their collective conclusion...
* * *
“Now-now, dear. Let's try again, maybe it just wasn't hot enough...”
*Growf!!* [Do not scald the poor cute panda!] - [Pandas are a rare, endangered species!]
“Dear! Please hold still! We do really need to talk!”
*PA-HOO!!* [Somebody help!!] - [She wants to boil me!]
“Dear!!!”
*SPLOOSH*
“Oh my... It's not nice to scare the poor koi like that.”
“Dear, you wear my patience thin..!”
*Blurbl* [You're mistaken, woman!] - [I am just an ordinary capybara!]
“Oh, that's rich, uncle Saotome!”
* * *
“My dear Shampoo!” *Sob* “How could he did this to you..!”
*Bonk!* “Shut up, duck-boy! I am trying to concentrate here!”
*Meow?*
“Yes, granddaughter. There is something seriously amiss in the world.”
* * *
Saturn found herself floating in the velvet darkness pierced with countless sparks of starfire. It wasn't really dark here for her eyes. It was warm and somehow inviting, she felt herself at home. She remembered: the Senshi were initially a habitants of the Space. It was their home, the place where they stood their watch...
She just floated mindlessly, having lost her sense of time.
But it was so lonely here. She felt it at last, and shivered slightly. She wasn't alone anymore, not in this life, thanks to Queen Serenity who wished them all to be reborn on the same planet.
Saturn looked around, noticing at last the planet that was her focus of power. It wasn't too far away, looking the same size as Moon looks from Earth. Its rings shone brightly in the rays of the distant Sun. She concentrated on the mother star, wishing to be with her parents and her friends, and slipped with an unbelievable ease through the space and time.
“Oops...”
Yes, this definitely wasn't the place her friends were. Saturn glanced around at the stylish metallic interior of the Sailor Sun's circumsolar station. Maybe the teleporting wasn't as easy as it seemed at the first glance...
Saturn thought that her parents should be very worried now. She flipped open her communicator and sent a message for them. It took more than eight minutes for it to reach the other Senshi and quench their worries. Just in time, because Venus would otherwise chew her glove through to the bone.
Saturn then tried to concentrate on Earth, and teleported again. Getting to Castle Pluto wasn't her intention, really. She tried again...
“Guess we should have trained more,” sighed the girl too wise for her years. Truly, the tour was very educative, going through the planetary castles, the Oort cloud, the ruins of Moon Palace, and through what she suspected were the outskirts of the Alpha Centauri system. But it started to get boring, after all.
“It seems, I either do know how to choose my destination, which I don't, or I'm limited to choose from the old places of Silver Millennium,” mused the Senshi of Ruin. “Which is really, really unlucky, because there wasn't one on... Wait a minute..!”
She teleported again, emerging on the edge of the great crater. Everything around here was cowered with snow and ice, the dim disc of the sun was half-hidden behind the horizon. The frozen plane of Arctic Ocean could be seen not too far away, below the rocky slope.
Definitely, Earth. And the crater was all what remained of the Dark Kingdom - the most prominent reminder for enemies to not mess with Sailor Moon. Unfortunately, the Sannikov Land was still uncharted and the enemies mostly tended to miss the reminder. (*2)
Saturn sat on the edge of the crater, and sighed. She dared not to try teleport further.
* * *
“O key, girls,” Pluto took the lead again. Being the loner, she in fact hated this part. But she didn't let it show. “If the teleporting doesn't work, we should try something simpler. If I remember correctly, there were other ways to combine our magick, which allowed the Inner circle to fly.”
“Oh, you mean the 'Sailor planet attack'?” Mercury perked up. “But the flying in this case is just a side-effect. It is intended as a high-power attack against..”
“No. I meant something along the lines of 'Sailor planet power',” Pluto interrupted her.
“But... we never performed it before, and...”
“Then we are bound to try,” Pluto sighed. “We don't need to fly all the way to Tokyo, after all. Only to the nearest town with an international airport.”
The Outers exchanged glances. “We'd prefer to try get Saturn first”
“Umm... Do you know that she is in more than thousand kilometers to the North from here..?” Mercury asked them.
“It's nothing,” Uranus replied. “She is our daughter. We'll figure something out. Besides, the 'Sailor planet power' works bes with the five people”
* * *
Usagi trudged through the dry savannah with scarce, albeit branchy, trees sticking here and there. The sun slowly crept towards the horizon, but the air was still intolerably hot. She was thirsty, sweaty, hungry, lost and alone - in short, very unhappy. On top of all this, her left bunny slipper was torn, constantly falling off her foot. And the dry grass here was as soft and comfortable as a razor-sharp steel wire.
Usagi stopped and sighed. The sigh came out more like a sniff. She already missed her friends, bust most of all - her beloved. If he was here, he'd... She stopped that line of thought before it brought her more frustration, and berated herself: “That's a lesson for you, lazy bunny. You like too much to stand back and rely on the others. Now try, for a change, to rely on yourself alone!”
Alone... She half-sniffed, half-sighed again. There is no use in crying when nobody can hear you. And there is no hope that she just got to Africa somehow. Usagi glanced again at the twin moons. No. Even she wasn't ignorant enough to deny the fact that she wasn't on Earth anymore. Her stomach growled again. No, wait...
Usagi lifted her head, and met the gaze of a big, big animal, a black silhouette on the background of sunset. The top of its massive hulk was much higher than her head. Its eyes gleamed dimly, at the same level as hers.
“Oh, it was your stomach growling,” Usagi sighed in relief.
The beast continued gazing at her. Then it licked its chops, noisily.
Usagi gulped.
* * *
By evening Ranko and Akane had barely covered a half of the way, many times finding themselves in the dead ends between the deadly zones and the lava lake. It was now clear that Usagi would need a lot of patience. If all the worlds are such difficult to traverse as this one...
They made their camp at the sunset, having carefully chosen a most concealed place. With some doubt they trusted their safety to the medallion, which advertised itself as the best sentry possible (just hang it on the long pole and not even a mouse will sneak unnoticed), before falling asleep in their tent.
The medallion didn't let them down, long after midnight it erupted with an ugly roar, sounding like a mix of a fire alarm with the shrieks of a pig under the butcher's knife. They instantly jumped out of the tent, but saw just a moving ray of a dull red light, emitted by the medallion. On the other end of that ray something tiny could be barely seen rapidly moving away.
The sky was filled with the slowly moving folds of a lilac aurora. On the horizon, in the direction of Khas-Eeshaeet, something was dully flashing and rumbling. Downhill the cooling lava lake emanated its dull reddish glow. In short, the scenery was a bit alienish. Ranko shrugged indifferently, then yawned, and returned into the tent. Akane looked around, shivered and followed her.
* * *
??? ??? ??? <possible to insert a scene here>
* * *
DAY TWO.
In the morning the medallion enthusiastically reported that it had detected a sneaking life form (Carnivorous! Possibly hostile!). The report was completed with an image of a tiny fox, hanging in half meter above the ground, with eyes bugged out in horror. The poor thing was apparently scared half to death by the medallion's alarm as it managed to jump so high... Also it had detected more than eighty other (non-dangerous) life forms that were deterred by default. A full set of images of mice, mosquitoes and various insects displayed.
“A very useful thing,” Ranko noted sarcastically.
“I think, you're wrong,” objected Akane. “What if that was a bear..?”
“I'd rather beat a bear in my sleep, than jump after each tiny mongrel,” Ranko snapped indignantly. “After such roar in midnight, I don't know who'll soil their pants first, me or that bear..” she blushed slightly under the reproachful gaze of her wife. “Well, okay, can you teach it to yell only at the really dangerous beasts, then?”
“And of course you know better, who is dangerous in this world, and who is not..?,” Akane objected reasonably. “Maybe this 'tiny mongrel' is deadly poisonous, huh..? Anyway, better be safe than sorry, there's nobody to help us now...”
Ranko “hmph”-ed, but said nothing, and returned to preparing their breakfast.
They gathered their things, and went forth. As each kilometer passed there were more and more deadly zones, which forced them to move in an zig-zagged curve. The mountains became flatter (now more like hills), but at the same time more rocky, there was only the naked gravel around. When the situation became practically hopeless, they saw on the radar a pass, narrow and winding, but absolutely clear. When they reached it, it appeared to be a dry river-bed.
The river-bed stretched in the approximately right direction, so they went along it.
* * *
The few passengers of the old, rickety bus eyed the five mini-skirted girls warily, giving them a wide berth. Maybe this had something to do with the snow covering the landscape outside, and the fact that everybody was clothed in the heavy winter coats..? Even the conductor decided that messing with them wasn't probably a best idea and turned his back, pretending to not notice them.
Mars erased some hoar-frost from the window in attempt to look outside. “Pluto, how long it will take?”
“A hour, maybe. All I know is that the airport is fifty-some kilometers from the city.”
Mars saw a much more modern-looking bus breeze in the other direction. “Figures. We get the best.” The one they were riding on looked positively prehistoric. The slow chopping and clanking of its engine, its inclination to careen languidly on the turns reminded more of an ancient steam-boat than a bus.
“I wonder how old this thing is,” Jupiter muttered to support the conversation. The silence was quickly becoming uncomfortable. “I'd say, thirty years, no less.”
Mercury didn't answer, she was tapping the keys of her computer, having leaned to the vertical hand-rail and grabbed it under her elbow.
“Forty, more probably,” Pluto replied, glancing outside, at the inhospitable mountain slopes. “Did you notice how thick the coat of old paint on this thing is..? These people used to be following the rule 'Why buy new one while the old one does still work?'. Especially considering how much it costs to transport anything in this part of the world. The machines than run their third life time aren't too unusual here”
“Oh,” Mars deadpanned. “Don't tell me that the...”
“Same often goes for airplanes,” Pluto concluded, pretending to not notice the effect her words had on Jupiter.
“Kami-sama,” prayed Jupiter, “Please, let it be our domestic, Japanese jet!”
“Now, for the invisibility spell I have to cast on you...” Pluto changed the topic.
* * *
Ranko and Akane didn't even notice when the deadly zones stopped popping at left and right of the dry river-bed. The medallion now displayed an absolutely clean zone, up to its, not too impressive, scanning limit of two kilometers. Even the radiation was only six times higher the acceptable level. The dry river-bed ran through the last hills and into a vast lake, stretching to the left, to the right and right ahead up to the horizon... Ranko uttered some obscene words.
“Yes, there's our destination,” Akane confirmed after looking into the medallion. “Twenty more kilometers, and we'll reach the portal...”
After the intent look they found a tiny black peck on the vast surface of the lake.
“It even has no such thing, as a simple map of landscape?,” Ranko asked irritably.
“Well, it does have... And it's a very detailed map...” Akane replied sheepishly, pressing the buttons “I'm sorry, I should have looked for it earlier...,” she concentrated, watching the tiny screen “Aha, there... Drrrats!.. Portal is right in the middle of this lake, twenty to thirty kilometers from its shores...” She turned to Ranko “You know, we are even lucky. Here, in this place, the distance from the shore to the Gate is shortest, only eighteen kilometers...”
“Oh yeah, a very soothing news” replied Ranko, busily inflating two air-beds: one for Akane, other for their backpacks. “Just sit here, I'll drag you,” she sighed. “I just wish we could take a normal inflatable boat...”
“Don't be stupid. You said it yourself that it was too heavy...” Akane walked to the shore. “Hey, this lake is so shallow, even a chicken could walk it across,” she looked into the distance. “And it seems, it stretches this way forever... Wait, don't inflate them yet, maybe we'll cover a part of our way on foot...”
“And how do you think we will inflate them then – waist deep in the water, holding our backpacks in hands..?” Ranko inquired sarcastically. “Nuh-uh, we'll inflate 'em now, and will look what to do later. It's always easier to deflate.”
And they went forth through the shallow, sun-warmed water, dragging their air-beds behind, on the long cord...
The ankle-deep water stretched for kilometers, somewhere a bit more deep, somewhere a bit less. The bottom was absolutely the same, covered by the never-ending layer of small pebbles. Sometimes a small fish scurried through the crystal-clear water, a light wind carried the fluffy clouds through the sky, the medallion was silent, displaying only the safety... In short, just a paradise – when you're not the one counting all the sharp pebbles with your bare feet. And their goal was still far away...
Ranko suddenly stopped, and slapped her forehead. She dropped the backpack off her shoulders and carefully put it on the air-bed, tied it down for the safety, and went forth, dragging it on the cord as a feather... Akane almost blushed: why didn't she think about that..? So she also put her backpack on the air-bed, adding her boots, that hung on her neck before. Her poor heels immediately felt much better...
The depth kept increasing, albeit unnoticeably slow, and few more kilometers further the water reached their knees. (Ranko didn't even remember when did she roll her pants up). Walking in such conditions is an incredibly straining task – even for such hardened fighters as our travelers. They put both their backpacks onto one air-bed and carefully sat onto the other to rest...
* * *
“Just look a this...” Akane muttered, flipping idly through the properties of various Ahs worlds in her medallion. “They all are almost ruined. There wasn't one marked as suitable for human habitation. Radiated, wasted, atmosphere poisoned, radiated, biologically re... uh..” she closed the medallion. “This 'multiverse' looks more like a graveyard to me.”
“Well,” Ranko replied, “Didn't he say he saves the dying worlds..? Of course they're all in a bad shape.”
“Yes, but...” Akane fell silent, looking thoughtful. “I just remembered the thing Saturn told me. Without death there cannot be a rebirth. But all these worlds... They are stopped at the brink of death. And then what..?”
“Repair, probably,” Ranko shrugged, “restoration, and how else they are calling these sorta things...”
“No, you're wrong,” Akane replied. “It is said here that the main principle of Ahs is stabilization. Then, all these worlds end up in the stasis..? You know, like frozen in time..?”
“Don't be silly,” Ranko waved her worries away, “How could a world be frozen, if there's somebody living in it..? They'd figure something out and change it sooner or later!”
“You're, probably, right,” Akane replied her. But the nagging doubt remained...
* * *
When they finished resting, Ranko suggested that one will walk, dragging the other on the air-bed, and switching places, because dragging even the double weight such way isn't any harder...
And so they covered a few more kilometers – the portal Gate was clearly visible now, a standard black, sharp-pointed pyramid, as any other Gate in these worlds... The water started to get deeper. Ranko executed an acrobatic dance, pulling her pants off without getting them wet, and now she was clad in her shirt and the traditional boxers. Akane, after a little thinking, followed her example, but also pulled her shirt off, and donned a swimsuit. Ranko, in turn, looked at her and also hid her shirt in the backpack... Akane was displeased to notice that her husband again doesn't wear a bra, shamelessly exploiting the fact that his mother is away and can say nothing on this part...
“Do you intend to go on that way?,” she asked, lifting her brow.
“What's wrong..? Somebody's watching, huh?” Ranko made innocent eyes, sweeping the horizon with her hand.
“Well, let's assume that the portal leads to a crowded beach, you baka..!,” said Akane, “and we'll have no time to dress. What you'd do then..?”
Ranko deeply blushed and hastily reached for her backpack to pull out her own swimsuit...
The water gradually became so deep that Akane turned from the active participant of the travel into the passive, eyes-shut-tightly luggage... For Ranko, who was able to swim over the Sea of Japan, this part was an easy cake, she effortlessly covered the last kilometers without even stopping to rest...
And there's the portal. Water here is so deep that it almost reaches to the top of gate's opening, and Ranko swims in, forcefully pushing the air-beds under the arch, slightly dampening the backpacks, and nearly smashing the nose of the eyes-shut-tightly Akane. Well, five more centimeters – and they would have a serious problem...
Inside the World Gate looked painfully similar to the first one that brought them here: a dome of mirror facets, bringing thoughts about insides of the giant diamond, and the ideal mirror of the floor... Half-flooded, lit by the diffused light reaching through the water, this was an enchanted sight.
And all the other six openings, except the one through which they have entered, were closed with the same ideal mirrors – probably, because of the flooding...
Akane didn't want to be a useless cargo, the sticky fear of falling into the insidious, predatorily waiting water constantly gnawed at her, so she hastily typed a command to open portal into the next world. Not only didn't she check all the possible variants, but even didn't think about the consequences...
A strange, alien sound of the alarm signal grunted under the multifaceted ceiling, followed by a mechanical voice, repeating the warning (the medallion have translated helpfully: “Attention! Security condition 18! Preliminary blocking! Five seconds to cancel the operation!”). Akane didn't bother to cancel anything, and five seconds later everything went pitch-black: the only opening closed, cutting them from the outside world. The alarm signal continued to grunt in the darkness, reading monologues about security conditions number this and that, urging to take precautions according the safety instructions 12 and 135, and droning and droning and droning...
“Hey, be careful - don’t screw something,” Akane heard from Ranko, who was floating somewhere nearby. Akane had long ago opened her eyes, but it was no use: there was nothing to look at, except the medallion screen, which displayed the backward count...
“Don’t fret, I know what I’m doing!” Akane said, a bit too irritably. She was gradually becoming nervous too.
“Well-well...” Ranko replied, without much enthusiasm.
And the count reached zero. And the dim light rushed into the hall. As well as the victorious roar of the five thousands tons of water, rushing into the narrow opening of the portal. In which water floated, summarily, two girls (one of whom wasn't a real girl), two air-beds and two backpacks...
Ranko, with inhuman strain, held against the flow for almost ten seconds, holding with her hands both the air-beds, and propelling herself with her legs... But without the help of Ki she couldn't do much, and soon she was - together with the backpacks and the heartily yelling Akane - swept by the raging torrent.
* * *
The raging torrent tossed their inflatable boat left and right, its roar almost drowning the sound of their motor. Uranus and Neptune streamed through the deadly rapids at the break-neck speed with a deftness and grace no any mortal could achieve. Haruka - the goddess ow wind and speed, was in her element. Michiru, the goddess of depths and torrents... The river waters weren't exactly her element, but the affinity was there.
They were lucky the rivers of this land were all streaming towards the Arctic Ocean. Thankfully, they'll be able to reach it - and eventually the island where their baby Hotaru will be waiting for them.
Hotaru herself had retreated to Sun's station for now. At least, there was food there and other conveniences.
The boat slid over the waters, shaving the occasional wave with a spectacular splash.
* * *
He slid through the waters, his powerful arms propelling him forward with the rhythmical splashes. “At last! At last I am free of it..!” he stopped swimming, rising his head. And he suddenly felt dread. Where's she..? Where's the beach..? There was only the open sea around.
“He-ey..! I'm here..!” the female voice reached his ears. He turned around - and there she was, his dear Akari. Figures. He just lost the direction to the shore.
“Come on, get out of there..! The water is too cold for swimming yet..!”
He complied without a word, despite the fact that the water was pretty all right for his tastes. For the first time in years the water was pretty all right.
* * *
The cause for the water jet to be so strong was the position of the portal: it opened high in the air. Ranko abandoned the backpacks, and grabbed her wife with both hands, to keep her from drowning. They crashed through the already broken branches of a big tree. They flopped down into the liquid dirt. And then one or two more thousands tons of water fell on them, spinning them and throwing aside like a splinters...
Having cleared their throats and eyes, they found themselves amidst a vast tropical swamp, with gigantic trees protruding here and there. From the branches of the nearest tree dropped a waterfall: the portal poured the last bits of its water. Then the portal disappeared with a resonant click, cutting the retreat way... Waterfall died out, revealing one of their backpacks and the shreds of one air-bed, all stuck high in the tree branches. The second backpack wasn't anywhere to see. The half-liquid dirt, full of roots and moss, allowed to hold somehow, dunking no more than waist-deep... In short, their situation was just excellent.
And more than that: to Akane's great displeasure, Ranko suddenly bloomed with such an unhealthy grin that she looked like she's on her way to the funny farm. “Hey, do you feel that?!” she asked Akane, much too merrily (in Akane's view).
“Just what should I feel?!!,” snapped Akane, in whose opinion being stuck waist-deep in the slimy and musty mess of rotting vegetation wasn't fun at all.
“You should feel this!!! MOKOU TAKABISHA!!!!” Ranko suddenly released a huge Ki-blast that slammed into the nearby tree and toppled it.
“Oh!” now was Akane's turn to perk up. She made several testing swings with her fists, forcing the air to hum... “You know, I like this world much more, in spite of all the stench!” she quickly took hold on her henshin stick, hanging on her neck, but soon released it with a sigh, “Well, the luck is rarely too good...” she started scrambling toward the fallen tree.
Gradually, peace returned to the swamp, its habitants again started their warbling, singing and roaring. The medallion also added its voice to this symphony: “Warning! Multiple sanguivorous life forms detected in the air! Deterrent system power is insufficient!”. One didn't need this yell to notice a gray mist of mosquitoes, starting to rise from the untouched part of the swamp...
“You know, I don't want to hang here in only my swimsuit” noted Akane.
“Don't fret - I'll get ya our backpack in a jiffy, and with our raincoats...” started Ranko, preparing to made a Ki-jump to their backpack that was stuck in about ten meters above. She aimed, then concentrated... And with a mighty “splorsh” submerged even deeper into the swamp dirt, her eyes barely above its surface.
Which you wanted to push off here, baka?” inquired Akane. “You'd better got out of this dirt first, then...” she suddenly cut off with a yelp, then bent down, diving into the dirt up to her shoulders, fumbled about in there, and then held up a huge, rat-sized leech. “Gross!” she wrinkled her nose.
“Warning! Biological hazard! Aggressive environment!” the medallion yelled retardedly. “813 similar sanguivorous life forms approaching!”
“Just don't tell me it could get worse!” Ranko said without much thought. And of course, it immediately got worse...
“Danger!!! Carnivorous life form detected!!!” the medallion wailed in panic, avowing the entrance of one not just big, but really huge T-Rex. It walked knee-deep in the swamp (just three meters deep - not an obstacle), in its daily routine of snatching up and chewing various puny creatures, stuck in the swamp...
“There we go...” Ranko sighed, cracking her knuckles...
* * *
“Puriejaite ku namna kalemooo,” the Venus' strong voice resonated strangely in the crumpled space of the luggage compartment. “Zudesyanaas harohayapa godaaa...” (*3) Their ears were ringing. Maybe it was just because the air was thin on this altitude, but most of them blamed her singing ability. Or, more precisely, her inability to control her voice in situations like this.
“Hush, Mina,” Mars elbowed her, causing to stop. “Do you want them to go check who is strangling a cat here..?”
“Aww comm'on, I wasn't so bad... right, Mako-chan?”
“Ummm...” Jupiter was torn between the truth and the unwillingness to antagonize her friend. “I wouldn't put... Where did you get this thing, anyway?”
“Just heard it in some place...” Venus avoided the answer. Then she tried to continue, but was suddenly interrupted by Pluto:
“By the way, this song isn't exactly suitable for the proper young ladies.”
“Not.. You're kidding, right..?” Venus stammered in shock, suddenly flushing.
“That's what you get for singing the words you don't understand,” Mars patted her shoulder.
“Not in *that* way,” Pluto clarified. “I'd put it more in terms 'doesn't suit you'.”
“Oh,” Venus was visibly relieved.
Mercury just continued silently tapping the keys, not having averted her eyes from the screen since their plane took off the runway of the Magadan airport.
* * *

end of Chapter 2.
3rd Revision, 15 April of 2005
Translated to English 23 April of 2005.
4rd English revision, 10 April of 2006.

Sailor Says...
Pluto [off-screen] “Please do non interrupt me! I still did not finish my work.”
Author [off-screen] “O key, O key. Let’s just ask somebody else...”
[scene changes to view of Akane in swimsuit (almost indistinguishable under all the dirt), raining blows on the unyielding underbelly of the huge T-Rex]
Akane: “I.. *huff* AM *huff* BUSY!” [dodges to avoid being stepped on, and lands on T-Rex’s knee] “Ask someone else! KACHUU TENSHIN AMAGURI KEN!!!”
Author [off-screen] “Well, let’s see if there’s anyone not busy.”
[scene changes to view of Ranko, in swimsuit as well, inside the mouth of the same T-Rex - right leg pinning the tongue down, left leg, in the perfect split-stand, holds the upper jaw, preventing beast’s mouth from closing, hands holding the fangs for extra leverage]
Ranko [groans in exertion] “Ya... wanna... moral..? O key, then hear this...” [falls silent, because T-Rex shakes its head and briefly redoubles its efforts to close its jaws] “NGGGH..!! NEVER TRUST AKANE WITH ANYTHING THAT HAS A KEYBOARD..!”
[Akane hears this, and expresses her feelings by increasing the viciousness of her blows. T-Rex whimpers...]
Author [off-screen] “Well, it was moral of this chapter. Never trust... Uh, Akane-san, you still have your dinosaur to kill... Well, let’s finish at this point - I suddenly remembered, I have one important business...”
[fade off]

Thanks for C&C (3rd revision) to:
- J. St.C. Patrick
- Anchoku
- Pale Wolf (chapters names)

Author's remarks
(*1) She just needs to first “see” her destination in her Deep Aqua Mirror, then order it to transport them there (manga). Of course, the anime-version Neptune doesn't know that.
(*2) Considering all the facts, I assumed that the D point should lie on the shore of some Arctic island. The Sannikov Land is as good a phantom island as any.
(*3) Don't even try to google it. She mutilated the words beyond any recognition.

[Dragon Man]

Very nice. I look forward to seeing the end of the fight with the T-rex, it picked the wrong people to try to eat! As for Saturn... I have to feel sorry for her, but at least she's got food and a bed to sleep in while her friends are running around.

[lwf58]

Right off the bat, I'd like to point out a problem with this story. I've never read the "Sailor Ranko" series, and I don't want to have to go read a very lengthy fan fiction series before I can enjoy yours. Your story assumes that I'm familiar with the earlier stories written by other authors. It has nothing to explain how the situations in the story came about from the canon series for readers who are starting cold like I am. You really ought to write an introduction to the plot elements into the story -- not a solid block of text, but little snippets here and there, mixed in with the rest of the story, such as flashbacks.

3. I'd like somebody's comment on use of the articles in the machine talk like “Carnivorous life form detected.” During my exposure to various software I noticed that they are often omitted. Is that right or wrong?

That's the cliche, yes. In fiction, it's used to give the "voice" of the machine a more mechanical feel. Proper English is used when the machine has artificial intelligence.

5. I'm out of ideas how to name this chapter. The old one, "You'd Prefer Herwith that Mallet-Sama of Hers...", doesn't fit anymore, because the chapter stopped being Ranma&Akane-centric.

I have a personal peeve about that whole "mallet-sama" thing. In Ranma 1/2, there's no such thing, but it becomes a prime feature of endless fan fiction stories just because people read it in other fan fiction stories. However, I assume that it's part of the earlier "Sailor Ranko" stories, so it's probably unavoidable.

6. I don't like the composition of this patchwork. To merge the new content with the existing one I used things I usually avoid: the flashbacks and the short scenes, action jumping back and forth between various parties. Any suggestions would be appreciated, because I'm out of ideas. Should I throw something out..? Or add more scene(s) ..? Rearrange something? Shift the accents..?

Simplicity is always best. What you're talking about is a trap that even experienced professional authors fall into. There's nothing wrong with flashbacks scene shifts, if used in moderation. The best method in use at the moment is to label them so that the reader knows exactly where and when the scene is taking place.

DAY ONE.
They strode underneath the twilight sky, where the pinkish glow of sunrise became brighter with each moment. Their path lay through the rocky and deserted mountains, where even the grass was a rare sight. On their shoulders were the heavy, thoroughly filled backpacks with the tent, sleeping-bags, load of food and two sets of warm clothing (for a case if they'll get into some arctic world). Akane was in high spirits, despite all the precariousness of their path. She was dressed in the light, beige sport jacket and shorts, with the heavy mountain-climber's shoes. Ranko walked behind her - grumpy, sleepy and tired after many teleportations home and back, most of them unnecessary, as it turned out later. She wore her usual red-black Chinese outfit, complete with the Kung-fu shoes.

"They strode beneath the twilight sky, the pinkish glow of sunrise becoming brighter with each passing moment."
"where even grass was" (This is not a good image. Rocky and deserted mountains are not noted for having fields of grass, so it's self-evident that they'd be unlikely to encounter any. Suggest "Their path led them through rocky, barren mountains, where plants were a rare sight." or something along that line.)
There's no need to list the items they have in their backpacks. Just mention the items when they are needed in the story.
The beginning of a chapter should be restricted to broad descriptions that gain a reader's interest as well as giving the information they need to form a mental picture of the scene. For example, I'd suggest that line be something like this: "They shouldered heavy backpacks, the straps cutting into their flesh, even through the thick clothing they wore to sheild them from the harsh climate."
The first few paragraphs of any story, or any chapter of a story, needs to contain what is referred to as "the hook". The hook is a writing device that grabs the reader's interest and convinces them that the rest is worth their time to read. Often, the hook is descriptive prose designed to spark the imagination, dialog between characters that creates interesting conflict, or exciting action. A dry description of what they have in their pockets is a very definite no-no.
Your English is very good, but still needs work. You do not yet have a firm grasp of when and how to use articles. The rest of that paragraph should be:
"Akane was in high spirits despite the precariousness of their path. She was dressed in a light beige sport jacket and shorts, with heavy mountain-climber's shoes. Ranko walked behind her - grumpy, sleepy and tired after many teleportations home and back, most of them unnecessary, as it turned out later. She wore her usual red-black Chinese outfit, complete with kung-fu slippers."

“Ah com'on, stop whining,” her wife said, finally irritated. “You did it yourself, bringing all that mountainload of stuff before learning everything about the features of this world. And didn't Mercury warn you..? So enough blaming me!”

"Oh, c'mon. Stop whining,"
"You did it to yourself, bringing that mountainload of stuff without learning anything about the enviroment here."
"So enough with blaming me!"

“Sorry,” Ranko replied, not sounding especially sorry. “It's just... All this crap just gets on my nerves. And here I am: tired before we even started, and all it for nothing.” She snorted. “You're right. I did it to me myself. And trying to warn Mousse was, probably, a bad idea”

"And here I am, tired before we even started, and all of it for nothing."
"And trying to warn Mousse was probably a bad idea."
Well, enough with the grammar comments. I could be here all day if I continued! ^_^;;
You're doing well, but read more English and stop every so often to really look at how the sentences are put together. The best way to learn to write in English is to absorb it by reading, and thinking about what you read. Just don't rely too heavily on fan fiction as a source -- the majority of fan authors won't win prizes in literary competitions!
Going to stop for now; I have some other things to do this morning.

[Cheb]

It has nothing to explain how the situations in the story came about from the canon series for readers who are starting cold like I am. You really ought to write an introduction to the plot elements into the story -- not a solid block of text, but little snippets here and there, mixed in with the rest of the story, such as flashbacks.

Hmmm... Not an easy task, but I'll try. Although I'd prefer to write a short summary on the previous series.

However, I assume that it's part of the earlier "Sailor Ranko" stories, so it's probably unavoidable.

Well, Akane's first Ki-attack was the "Thunder Hammer Strike" (Raitsui Dan in my fic), which involved vizualizing a mallet in her hands and then throwing it.
...I think, the name for this chapter will be "Beware of Amateurs", which refers to both Akane who sucks with computers and the Senshi who suck with teleporting.

Suggest "Their path led them through rocky, barren mountains, where plants were a rare sight." or something along that line.)

Let's try "Their path led them through rocky, barren mountains, almost devoid of any vegetation"

There's no need to list the items they have in their backpacks. Just mention the items when they are needed in the story.

You know, they never criticize my Russian version (this scene is Ru->En translated). The praise - in spades. The criticism - hell no Maybe this way is good for my ego, but it prevents me from improving my story and my skills.

You do not yet have a firm grasp of when and how to use articles.

The tricky bastards! They won't best me!

The rest of that paragraph should be:

Thanks The concept of articles is just so alien that it is very hard to grasp. And so many uses of them...

The first few paragraphs of any story, or any chapter of a story, needs to contain what is referred to as "the hook". The hook is a writing device that grabs the reader's interest and convinces them that the rest is worth their time to read. Often, the hook is descriptive prose designed to spark the imagination, dialog between characters that creates interesting conflict, or exciting action. A dry description of what they have in their pockets is a very definite no-no.

Ok, point taken.

Well, enough with the grammar comments. I could be here all day if I continued! ^_^;

[quickly assesses the average density of grammar bugs per paragraph] Uh-oh... No, I mean "UH-OH".

The best way to learn to write in English is to absorb it by reading,

I do it on the daily basis until my head begins to swell.

Just don't rely too heavily on fan fiction as a source --

Oops
No, really, I was already advised to read Charles Dickens as a training. Now where to get the originals...

[lwf58]

[Nods] I'm aware that Russian doesn't use articles, and how difficult it is to learn to use them properly. Like I said, you're doing a good job, all things considered.
A summary of the earlier SR stories would do. It's not the best solution, but it does have the virtue of being the easiest.

"Their path led them through rocky, barren mountains, almost devoid of any vegetation"

That works very well.

You know, they never criticize my Russian version (this scene is Ru->En translated). The praise - in spades. The criticism - hell no Mad Maybe this way is good for my ego, but it prevents me from improving my story and my skills.

I take the writing of C&C very seriously, which is why I rarely write any. I quite literally spend hours working on it, including time spent looking up words in the dictionary and researching cultural and canon story information. While you will never catch me saying "you can't write it this way", which has happened to other authors I know, I know full well that pulling punches or just saying "I like it" or "it stinks" is no way to help.
Of course, that also means that if I don't get a response from the author in return for all that hard work, I'm disinclined to do it again. You replied, so I'll be continuing. My comments to Innortal in this forum didn't rate a reaction, so I doubt I'll comment on anything else of his.

[Cheb]

, so I'll be continuing.

Thank you

[lwf58]

Here's the next batch.

[Yesterday] “Don't sweat,” Ranko replied arrogantly. “I can carry it all the day, piece of cake. Just watch.” She started stuffing the mountain of supplies into the huge backpack, which soon looked ready to burst. It was clearly bigger than her. Sun detransformed into Ranko and lifted the monstrous backpack effortlessly with one hand, putting it on. Then she walked to the portal that led to the alien world. The arch that none of them yet crossed.

"Piece of cake," Ranko arrogantly replied. "I can carry it all day, no sweat. Just watch this."
Repeating the same word several times in the same paragraph or in adjacent paragraphs should be avoided. In this and the previous paragraph, you use "mountain" too many times.
By the way, avoid abbreviations when writing dialog, except for words like "Mr. and Mrs.". In the previous paragraph, you should have spelled out "Mount Supplies".

“Wait,” Io tried to stop her, from her position where she knelt beside Mercury, both familiarizing themselves with the tiny, medallion-shaped computer that Ahs-Ahsh gave them. “There is a warning that in this world the spiritual energy is...”

This paragraph needs revision. First off, dialog should never end in a comma unless the sentence following it contains a word that describes how the dialog is being delivered. That is, it should have words such as said, questioned, argued, yelled, sighed, ranted, repeated, replied, and so forth. Otherwise, use a period or some other punctuation mark.
"Wait!" Io tried to stop Ranko from where she knelt beside Mercury. Both had been familiarizing themselves with the tiny medallion-shaped computer that Ahs-Ahsh had given them.

“..ineffective,” Io finished, deadpanned.

"...ineffective," Io deadpanned.
Ellipses (...) are three periods in a row. At the end of a sentence or paragraph, ellipses should be followed by the appropriate terminal punctuation, which can be another period, a question mark, or an exclamation point:
"Ouch...."
"Ouch...?"
"Ouch...!"
In the middle or beginning of a sentence, they are no more and no less than three periods.

“Ouch..! Unngh..!,” Ranko groaned, flattened under her backpack. Alas, her struggling proved totally futile. “Arrrgh..! Somebody, get this thing offa me..!,” she wailed finally.

"Somebody get this thing offa me!" she finally wailed.
Commas are never used alongside any other punctuation mark. The only exception is that a semicolon is quite literally a combination period and comma. But it's never used with any other punctuation either.

..And so she learned the hard way that Ki didn't work here. All her previous experience told her that the energy of human spirit should work everywhere - in the space, under the water, even in the alien universe... But this weird, unnatural world denied it the same way it denied magic. Both girls felt a pressure on their souls. It felt like a immense stone slab that hangs just inch above your head - mostly impalpable, but depressing with its presence alone. And any attempt to use their Ki hit that barrier. They were left with just their muscle power, like the ordinary, albeit trained, mortals.

"And so she learned that ki"
Just like in English, unless it's a personal pronoun, don't capitalize Japanese words. Also, something I'll mention even though I haven't run into it in this story: never use 's' or 'es' to make a plural form for Japanese words. Japanese words don't have a plural form, so the words are written the same, no matter how many of a thing they apply to. For example, kimono would be one kimono, two kimono, three kimono, etcetera.

The bad thing was that they were forced to leave most of the stuff behind, taking only the most necessary supplies and hoping they will be lucky.

There is a shift from past tense to future tense here.
"and hoping they would be lucky."

The good thing was that such draconian limits (according to the built-in encyclopaedia of their medallion) existed only in this world, the "root" of Ahs multiverse.

"The good thing was that according to the built-in encyclopaedia of their medallion, such draconian limits existed only in this world, the "root" of Ahs multiverse."
Never use parentheses if you can possibly avoid it. It's a form of breaking the fourth wall.

The second bad thing was that such a spiritual limitation was deadly for the human spirit, killing it in approximately a month of constant exposition. They didn't completely understand what the "dying of the spirit" term exactly meant, but they weren't inclined to stay and check it.

"The second bad thing was that the spiritual limitation was deadly to the human spirit, killing it after approximately a month of constant exposure. They didn't completely understand what "the death of the spirit" meant exactly, but they weren't inclined to stay and find out."

Oh, these weren't all of the bad things, no-no. There were more, most of them more or less lethal...

"Those weren't all of the bad things, oh no."
"No-no" is a noun. It means "something unacceptable or forbidden".

[Cheb]

Added to the foreword:
"Sailor Ranko" facts
lwf58 wrote: "I've never read the "Sailor Ranko" series, and I don't want to have to go read a very lengthy fan fiction series before I can enjoy yours. Your story assumes that I'm familiar with the earlier stories written by other authors. It has nothing to explain how the situations in the story came about from the canon series for readers who are starting cold like I am."
But I don't want to spoil. So I just state here the main differences between "SR" and Canon Ranma. I'd recommend to read "Sailor Ranko" by Fire. It is one of the best "Ranma as a Sailor Senshi" fics, albeit a bit raw. This old story isn't very long (300K). The story of characters growing up is nice and pretty realistic.
Here are the main facts that won't spoil too much.
1. Ranma Saotome is Sailor Sun reborn, the most powerful Senshi short Saturn. He always "goes girl" when transforms, no water needed. Her power base is slightly different from the other Senshi, she is able to tap energy of any sun. So she could act as a "power supply unit" for the other Senshi in the alienr universes where they lose the connection to their respective planets. Her element is solar plasma. Attacks include "Searing Plasma Blast", "Solar Beam" and the devastating "Solar Flare". Uniform colors are red (skirt/boots) and yellow (bows). Uniform boots are same as Moon's.
2. Ranma and Akane are a married couple. Although theyy still fight quite often, they have respect for each other as well.
3. Akane is a real martial artist (if you think that's impossible then read SR. I won't spoil). She's not able to beat Ranma yet, but can flatten Shampoo without breaking a sweet. Her trademark ki-attack is anger-based "Thunder Hammer Strike" (I translate it here as "Raitsui Dan"). Also knows Amaguriken and Bakusai Tenketsu (although she is not durable enough to use it for real, and need someone, or something, to shield her from the debris).
4. Akane Saotome is Sailor Io, the most recently created Sailor Senshi. Her element is lava. Only one attack is known, the "Lava Blast". Uniform colors are lime yellow (skirt/boots) and light blue (bows). Uniform boots are short, same as Jupiter's.

Repeating the same word several times in the same paragraph or in adjacent paragraphs should be avoided.

[groan] I am constantly fighting this bad habit of mine, but not always prevail. It raises its ugly head no matter which language I use

“Wait,” Io tried to stop her, from her position where she [...]

...First off, dialog should never end in a comma unless the sentence following it contains a word that describes how the dialog is being delivered. That is, it should have words such as said, questioned, argued, yelled, sighed, ranted, repeated, replied, and so forth.

Oh. Then it's just another difference with Russian. I thought the "tried to stop her" carries that role here, implying "said, trying to stop her".

Commas are never used alongside any other punctuation mark.

Oops. Missed it while replacing the old punctuation via "Find and Replace".

Just like in English, unless it's a personal pronoun, don't capitalize Japanese words.

Ok, corrected. Also added a footnote: Ki (気) in Japanese means "air/spirit". It is used in a great deal of words that describe emotions. First of all - the infamous "doki" (fighting spirit/wrath) that we used to know as "battle aura". But also "melancholy", "ardour", "liveliness", "dumbfounded", "bravery", etc., etc..
All spiritual techniques (Mokou Takabisha, Shishi Hokou Dan, etc.) use one or another "spirit-of ...". In Japanese it's a pun, but we, gaijin, adapted the word "ki". In English it means "spiritual energy", and all the spiritual techniques are known as "ki-attacks".
"Chi" is just Chinese name of this kanji, it means the same thing.

Also, something I'll mention even though I haven't run into it in this story: never use 's' or 'es' to make a plural form for Japanese words. Japanese words don't have a plural form, so the words are written the same, no matter how many of a thing they apply to.

Ok, I'll remember that.
I should have figured it by myself, considering the English rule of importing the foreign words including the plural form (unlike Russian, which always forces its own rules of forming the plural forms, sometimes even forcing is own endings on the singular forms of the Latin words. Ex: "sukkub"/"sukkuby" vs "succubus"/"succubi" in English. Amusingly, the "kimono" is phonetically incompatible with this system and has no plural form in Russian)

Never use parentheses if you can possibly avoid it. It's a form of breaking the fourth wall.

Ok, I'll remember that.

[other corrections]

Applied. Thank you again

[lwf58]

Next section...

“I'm afraid, so” Mercury said, totally concentrated on the medallion screen. “And its level is very high. The Chernobyl zone looks tame in comparison”

"Chernobyl looks tame in comparison."
The sentence is a bit too wordy, and is missing the period at the end.

“Uh, What's that... Ummm... Cherno-thing is..?” Ranko asked sheepishly. Better shamed than sorry, she had already learned that.

"Uh... What's that... Um... Cherno-thing...?"
Already mentioned the rules for ellipses. "Um" is spelled using only one 'm'. While you can use additional letters to create a sound effect, it's not a good habit to fall into -- deliberately misspelling words like that isn't very professional. If you like to do that, then be sparing about it.

“It was the biggest nuclear catastrophe this world knows of,” Mercury informed them politely. “Chernobyl is the nuclear power plant that exploded in 1986. Luckily, it was the only so far in human history. The results were awful. A huge area was contaminated, the people who lived there either evacuated or died over the years from the radiation poisoning. And all this land became unsuitable for human habitation for hundreds of years. The living organisms often suffer horrible mutations there - you know, the six-legged rabbits, the pine threes with five-inch needles... Things that the yellow press loves so much”

"catastrophe in the world,"
"Luckily, it was the only one so far."
"loves so much." (missing punctuation)
Actually, Chernobyl wasn't the only nuclear power plant to suffer a meltdown, or the first. It was the worst. Here in America, for example, we had a severe meltdown in a plant on Three Mile Island. It happened in 1979. However, our emergency procedures were better, and no one was hurt in the accident. You can find info about it at http://www.nrc.gov/reading-rm/doc-colle ... -isle.html

“And that zone is tame in comparison with this?!” Ranko jumped onto her feet, alarmed, pointing at the portal to the alien world, now immersed in night the same way as our world was.

"And that place"

“I wouldn't worry too much about the radioactive contamination,” Mercury halted her gently. “Its distribution is highly uneven, you will be able to bypass the really dangerous areas using the map it has in there,” she pointed at the medallion. “No, What worries me more than radiation is the concept of... "temporal noise contamination" as described here. I never met it before. Not in the modern science, not in the records of Silver Millennium...”

"I wouldn't worry too much about the radioactive contamination," Mercury interrupted her gently. ("Halted" is a word that is more often applied to physical motion rather than speaking, and isn't a word that can be thought of as a description of how words are being spoken.)
"the map it has in there." ("Pointed" is not a description of how words are being spoken either, so the comma isn't right to use there.)
"No, what worries me more is the concept of "temporal noise contamination" as described here. I've never heard of it before. It's never been theorized by modern science, and it's not in the records of the Silver Millennium." (Some corrections in word usage, and there was no call for ellipses in these sentences at all.)

“Worse than the radiation..?” Ranko asked incredulously, a dark foreboding creeping into her soul like a friendly viper.

"It might be worse than the radiation?"
"like a friendly viper" is a phrase that doesn't make sense. Suggest "Ranko asked incredulously, dark foreboding creeping into her soul like the coldness of the grave."

“...Yes,” Mercury replied slowly, immersed in reading. “This article says, it disrupts the regenerative abilities of organisms, among the other things”

...Those pesky periods seem to really be giving you problems, don't they?

“And so what..?” Ranko asked, visibly relieved. “Any wounds will heal slower, or what?”
Mercury lifted her eyes and glared at Ranko. “Did you know that our bodies suffer the constant decomposition..? It's our regenerative abilities that constantly repair the damage, allowing us to stay alive for decades, not months!”

"decomposition?" (inappropriate place for ellipses)

“Yes,” Mercury confirmed firmly. “Without the constant regeneration your body would grow old in just a few months, shrivel up and die”

And again.

Ranko froze, having imagined herself in the hide of Cologne. Her face gained a bluish hue, her hair stood vertically, including the pigtail.

"hue and her hair"

There was a wooden thud when Ranko's form toppled over...

"over." (Ellipses inappropriate here, too.)

[Cheb]

“It was the biggest nuclear catastrophe this world knows of,”

catastrophe in the world,

*this world knows of* hints at the events of the prequel, Burger's "Tunnel Vision", where they experienced a full-scale termonuclear war, many friends relatives killed in it. Pluto changed the past after they defeated SkyNet, so only the Senshi remember *that* world of global catastrophe that never been.

...Those pesky periods seem to really be giving you problems, don't they?

In Russian punctuation, you should *never* put a period before the closing quotes. It's one of the strictest rules (feel headache coming ) When I first translated this chapter I kept the original punctuation because my brain was overloaded with other things. And when I recently rewrote it, I used mostly "Find & Replace" method to correct the punctuation... Probably missed something in a few places.

(Ellipses inappropriate here, too.)

[insert head banging]
English: Use an ellipsis to represent deleted material in a sentence.
Russian: the said above OR implying hidden meaning OR emphasize something OR convey a pause in the events flow
A trap is a trap is a trap
Ok, then how do you convey a slight pause in the speech? And in the author's narration?
Other corrections will be applied tomorrow. Good night, minna-san.

[lwf58]

“It was the biggest nuclear catastrophe this world knows of,”

catastrophe in the world,

*this world knows of* hints at the events of the prequel, Burger's "Tunnel Vision", where they experienced a full-scale termonuclear war, many friends relatives killed in it. Pluto changed the past after they defeated SkyNet, so only the Senshi remember *that* world of global catastrophe that never been.

Gotcha. I had no way of knowing that.
This is one of the examples of why I suggested you write in flashback explanations as the story progressed, rather than trying to sum up all of the previous stories at the beginning of chapter one.

...Those pesky periods seem to really be giving you problems, don't they?

In Russian punctuation, you should *never* put a period before the closing quotes. It's one of the strictest rules (feel headache coming ) When I first translated this chapter I kept the original punctuation because my brain was overloaded with other things. And when I recently rewrote it, I used mostly "Find & Replace" method to correct the punctuation... Probably missed something in a few places.

Oh? Never knew that. Goodness knows it's very different from our system.

(Ellipses inappropriate here, too.)

[insert head banging]
English: Use an ellipsis to represent deleted material in a sentence.
Russian: the said above OR implying hidden meaning OR emphasize something OR convey a pause in the events flow
A trap is a trap is a trap
Ok, then how do you convey a slight pause in the speech? And in the author's narration?

Ellipses are also used in English to indicate a pause. My intention was to say that it didn't make any sense to me that they would pause in those places. Doesn't sound like a natural way to talk.
A useful trick when writing is to read your dialog aloud to yourself after you write it. If you trip over it, or it doesn't flow naturally and sound like something you would say to someone else, then it needs to be rewritten. People often write things they'd never say when actually talking to someone.
That trick may or may not be useful in this case, though, since English is your second language. The whole darned language may sound awkward and unnatural to you. ^_^;;

[Cheb]

Ok, I now on the finish line with Ch.4, so I'll redirect all my resources to it - there is one scene to go and the one-pass proof-reading. I'll try to apply all your advices and corrections on that stage.
Then I'll return to Ch.2 and 3 and apply all your corrections that aren't still applied.

[lwf58]

Their path ran through the mountains - with the flat, gentle slopes, but mountains nevertheless - and more than that, it also twisted shamelessly among the deadly contaminated zones, which covered the landscape like a thick mosaic.

"with flat, gentle slopes, but"
"shamelessly" doesn't make sense here. It means:
1 : having no shame : insensible to disgrace
2 : showing lack of shame : disgraceful
As a suggestion only, I recommend that you use two dashes to represent em-dashes. If you're unaware of the difference, a dash (which is officially called an en-dash) is about half the length of an em-dash and is used to connect words, as in "side-step". An em-dash is the punctuation used to to indicate a break in the thought or structure of a sentence. In the sentence above it would look like this: "mountains — with". Since that symbol is not part of the keyboard, this is the alternate I'm suggesting: "mountains -- with". As a side note, em-dashes are not normally spaced apart from the words they are between. If you were writing for printed media, then it should be written as "mountains—with". However, in HTML documents, doing that messes up the ability of the code to adjust to page width, so spaces are included around em-dashes as a practical measure.

Ranko kept silently striding behind Akane, who from time to time glanced at the tiny screen of the medallion, correcting their path to avoid all these hazards. The medallion tinkled merrily, even in the relatively "clean" places showing radiation levels about fifteen times higher the safe level...
Oh yes, and don't forget the problem of...

Here, you switch from narrative style to talking directly to the reader. Another way of breaking the fourth wall. Note that breaking the fourth wall is to be avoided; the only time it's acceptable is in comedy, and even then, it should be used sparingly.

[The last night]

This should be either "Last night" or "The previous night". By using "the", you are implying that it is the final night of something.

"Khas-Eeshyaeets," Mercury explained. "The extra-large non-organic life forms, producing nuclear explosions when they are mating. Unfortunately, their mating season is at its peak now, as we saw yesterday"

"Extra-large inorganic life forms that produce nuclear explosions while mating."
Missing period.

"Who the hell they are, making the nuclear explosions when they are... um... doing that?" Ranko asked.

"What the hell are they, if they cause nuclear explosions while they are... um... doing that?"

"There's very little info about them" Mercury replied apologetically. "They are clearly endemic to the root world. So, as this world is inhabited only by Ahs-Ahsh alone, there is just nobody to study them. I think." She concentrated on the screen. "Let's see. About a kilometer in size, feed by drilling mountains and devouring various minerals. When they stay and feed, they look like a craters filled with oil... So, they are liquid then..? When they move, they form a vortex consisting of their own matter and the absorbed rock. Ummm... The typical vortex is one to three kilometers in diameter, two to five in height. Heavily destroy the landscape in their wake. The most suitable deterrent... a nuclear charge, power one to ten kilotons... A direct hit forces them to turn or back off. Oh, and a the last bit, although this information is uncorroborated: they are highly toxic to any organic life forms" She lifted her eyes from the screen. "Well, that's all"

"info about them," (missing comma)

"How do you think, did these Hasu-Isyaitu finish with their.. um.. business..?" Ranko asked while they walked. She (as well as Akane) had a strong aversion to the nuclear explosions.

"What do you think, did those" ("How" would be a question about her mental processes!)
Remember my comment about using parentheses? Also, the aside about Akane is unnecessary. Suggest just removing the comment: "She had very strong misgivings about being around nuclear explosions." Plus, "the" is not appropriate in that sentence.

The bad thing was that the Gate - their current goal - lay in that same direction, where yesterday raged these Khas-Eeshyaeets on their triple-damned mating.

"The bad thing was that the Gate, their goal, lay in the direction where only yesterday, the Khas-Eeshyaeets had raged in their triply-damned mating."

"I hope they did," Akane encouraged her husband. "And even if not... Well, you know, what to do. Drop to the ground, your feet to the flash, cover your head, and pray," she said with a smirk, although said smirk was somewhat unnatural. From the horizon, as if mocking, came a long rumble...

(Saying "I hope" isn't very encouraging. Suggest:)
"I hope they have," Akane answered, "and even if they haven't... Well, you know what to do. Drop to the ground with your feet toward the explosion, cover your head and pray," she said with a smirk, although that smirk wavered at the edges.
As if in mocking reply, a long rumble rolled in from the horizon.

"You know, without my powers of Sailor Sun I feel naked" Ranko confessed suddenly. "As if turning Ki useless wasn't enough" she shivered.

"powers as Sailor"
"making ki useless wasn't enough." She shivered. (you can't "shiver" dialog.)

"Do you think, I'm not..?" Akane said. "And feeling myself half-blind and half-deaf isn't a picnic either... We got so quickly used to all these Senshi powers" she touched her henshin stick, hanging under her shirt on the thick cord, now dead and useless. "Well, I think all our teammates should spend a day in this world. Just to remember what it means - to be a common mortal."

"Do you think I don't?" Akane asked.
"We got used to all those Senshi powers so quickly." She touched
"Maybe all of our teammates should"
"what it means to be mortal."

And then they hit a dead end and were forced to turn back...

"turn back." (Ellipses aren't needed here.)

That was the root of their main problem. The medallion didn't hold all the deadly zones in its memory, like it did for the geographic map. It just detected them on the fly. Given the painfully small effective radius of its scanning - one-two kilometers at best - they moved like the mole rats in a dark labyrinth, making a lot of unnecessary footwork and often returning back from the dead ends. And of course, to the naked eye all these zones were absolutely indistinguishable from safe ones - just the same monotone rocky slopes.

"That was a major problem with navigating this world. Because they changed so frequently, the medallion had no way to map the areas of the deadliest radiation like it did the geography. It could only detect them on the fly, and given the painfully small effective radius of its scanning -- one or two kilometers at best -- they moved like the lab rats in a dark labyrinth. This made for a lot of extra footwork back-tracking from dead ends. Of course, to the naked eye and the map, the dead ends were absolutely indistinguishable from safe routes. They were the same monotone rocky slopes.

Our two travelers have already gotten into danger many times, all thanks to Akane's stupid mistakes. She would set the scanning mode incorrectly, or choose wrong zoom factor for the map, or just look at the screen upside down (yes, even that)... Luckily, she still didn't find a menu item that could switch off the automatic voice warnings - and the medallion loudly yelled each time, warning two travelers when they wandered into danger, forcing them to run back along their own tracks...

(This is rather harsh in tone toward Akane.)
"The two travelers had already been exposed to danger several times, due to mistakes brought about by Akane's unfamiliarity with the medallion's controls. She'd done such things as set the scanning mode incorrectly, chosen the wrong zoom scale for the map, and held the screen upside-down. Luckily, she hadn't found a way to accidentally turn off the automatic voice warnings or they might have been in real trouble. Each time they'd gotten too close to a danger zone, the medallion had yelled loudly and they'd scurried back along their own tracks."

[Cheb]

Remember my comment about using parentheses?

I already googled out the dfact that this is one more differences in punctuation. In Russian their second role is marking.. mmm... Of course I, as always forgot the exact term. In short, when you need to inject something into your text flow and use the -- blablabla -- construct. In Russian it could be done via parentheses.
So I already corrected that in the 4th chapter: Io cautiously peeked outside -- losing her tiara in the process -- and sighed in relief.

(This is rather harsh in tone toward Akane.)

Well, considering her cooking and swimming - why couldn't she be as good with computers...? She has some serious attitude problems, after all. Overestimating herself, trying too hard, extra enthusiasm, etc..
I probably should have stated all this directly. A old fragment that required severe reworking.

The two travelers had already been exposed to danger several times, due to mistakes brought about by Akane's manner in working with the medallion. She dove ito operating it with almost the same fervent enthusiasm and careless experimenting as she did with her cooking. Luckily for them, it was very simple machine, with rather foolproof interface. None the less, the list of things that she done included already: setting the scanning mode incorrectly; chosing the wrong zoom scale for the map; switching off the overlaid radiation map; and the most "brilliant" -- looking at the screen upside-down. On the plus side, she hadn't yet found a way to turn off the automatic voice warnings -- or they might have been in real trouble. Each time they'd gotten too close to a danger zone, the medallion had yelled loudly and they'd scurried back along their own tracks.

As a suggestion only, I recommend that you use two dashes to represent em-dashes.

I'll use them. And more - since I already perform two "find&replace" passes over the text when I export it (my word processor is set to use custom quotes « ... » (standard for modern Russian), so one more pass wouldn't be too hard.
...Now, for the Ch.4 (almost there -- only the proof-reading pass left)

[Cheb]

Well, your corrections didn't perish in vain. I applied them all (I hope I didn't miss something after so much time). Thanks to my new text converting utility the process became much easier, so I managed to get my hands on this chapter.
Updated both on my homepage and on the ff.net, with addition of the following interlude:

Meanwhile...
..Happousai didn't raid the panties from the neighborhood. He was held captive by Pluto, who subjected him to inhuman [SCENE OF EXTREME VIOLENCE CENSORED OUT].
..Ct'lul'hu didn't sleep in the depths of Pacific. He got his ass kicked long ago, in the times of Serenity the Senior, having waken from his slumber at the wrong time.
..Illitids didn't roam the dark corners of Moscow subway system. Their colony was flooded by accident in the 1970s, when the Palace of Councils was being constructed in Kremlin.
..Superman didn't keep the peace of America, he was born as a girl in this universe - to not forget the fact that his homeworld wasn't ever blown up. Sailor Krypton now fought the evil somewhere far, far away and didn't even have a clue about the pinch our heroines got in.
..UAC didn't conduct their doom-bringing experiments, the time hasn't come yet. The base on Mars wasn't even built yet. This headache is awaiting Neo-Serenity in the future - of course, if our two rescuers manage to get to her faster than the local wildlife does.

I hope I'll find time soon to finish applying your advices and corrections to chapters 3&4 as well.