Resurrection of the Silence Chapter 3

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Resurrection of the Silence Chapter 3

Postby Metroidvania » Sun Aug 27, 2006 9:22 pm

Resurrection of the Silence
A Ranma ½ Sailor Moon Crossover by MV
Disclaimer: I own neither series, and have no plans to make any money off this work of FICTION.
Warnings: Violence, Language, and a fair amount of Angst…
Note: Now after the wedding Ranma-wise, and after Galaxia SM-wise
Thanks to everyone at Fukufics for the inspiration and the information.
“Spoken Words”
Thoughts
Chapter 3: Coalition
As the Senshi followed the old woman, jumping from roof to roof out of the Juuban District, Sailor Moon snuck a glance at Saturn. What she saw made her wince internally.
Saturn’s eyes were never the most expressive, but in their own way, they were always reassuring and comforting.
Now, though, they were the eyes of a girl who had truly despaired, and climbed out of the pit using every inch of strength she posessed, only to be thrown back down as soon as she had clawed her way out.
Moon wanted to comfort the girl, but she wasn’t the best with words, and even if she was, she had no idea of what to say.
Sorry wouldn’t be appropriate she mused distractedly, still following the old woman. And I don’t know what else to say…
Even as she was musing on what to say, the Senshi followed the old woman, who appeared to be slowing down.
Breaking out of her reverie, she focused on where the old woman had stopped skipping along the roofs, and had jumped down to the ground, landing on her wooden staff perfectly.
“We’re here,” the old woman spoke tonelessly. “Follow me.”
“How do we know we can trust you?” The Senshi of Mars demanded, and the woman grinned eerily.
“You don’t.” Before the Senshi could reply, she motioned for them to follow her into the store, which, Moon looked up in curiousity, was called the Nekohanten.
The Senshi turned to stare at her.
“I don’t trust her,” Mars stated with finality, and Uranus nodded in agreement.
“It’s not like we have much of a choice,” Mercury countered. “This may be our only chance at finding out how Mistress 9 has returned.”
“But we don’t know _anything_ about her!” Mars half-shouted, but Mercury wouldn’t back down.
“I know that Mars, but we don’t have a choice in the matter. Mistress 9 already knows who we are! We need some sort of advantage to level the playing field!”
“But…” Mars started to counter, but Usagi was growing tired of all this bickering. She pushed through the door, ignoring the scattered protests.
Mercury turned to Mars, shrugged, and followed Moon into the building.
Mars’ eye twitched, but she threw up her hands in disgust, and followed her erstwhile leader as well.
Jupiter and Venus walked in as well, leaving the three outers alone outside.
Uranus turned to Saturn.
“Saturn, you can stay out here if you want, and no one will think any less of you.” She spoke quietly, trying to keep Saturn from delving deeper into her dark past.
But Saturn shook her head firmly, but her eyes didn’t meet her parents concerned gazes.
“No, Uranus. I need to know.”
She took a moment to steady herself, then walked resolutely into the building. Uranus looked at her usually more astute partner, but Neptune shrugged helplessly. Uranus nodded grimly, and then they followed Saturn into the building.
//==//==//==//==//==//==//
When Usagi entered the building, she mentally prepared herself for a trap, or for anything unexpected.
However, as she looked around, her guard dropped as she stared in incredulity at the scene before her.
The Nekohanten had apparently once been a café by the looks of it, as booths took up most of the interior of the building.
However, everything now was covered in what looked like maps of the districts, and a girl about her age appeared to be concentrating so furiously on the maps that she didn’t hear her or the old woman’s approach into the building.
The old woman cleared her throat, and the girl jumped in surprise. She whirled around quickly, her shoulders relaxing as she caught sight of the woman.
“Cologne! Kami, you scared me.” She spoke severely. She turned to Usagi, and did a double-take.
“The SAILOR SENSHI?!” She turned and started to yell. “You brought the most notorious demon hunters alive here?! What were you thinking?! We want to save Ranma, not _kill_ him.” Usagi cringed at the tone in the girl’s voice. Whoever this girl was, she didn’t appear to be friendly.
The woman apparently named “Cologne” listened impassively to the girl’s tirade, and then suddenly, she poked the girl. To Usagi’s astonishment, rather than yelling at the older woman for poking her, the girl suddenly froze in place, her eyes darting back and forth in a furious pattern.
“One of them seems to have a personal connection to Ranma,” Cologne explained impatiently. “I agreed to tell them our half of the story, and I believe they have more info on the demon that’s possessed son-in-law. Now,” she turned to the teenage girl. “Are you calm?”
The girl didn’t move, but her eyes flicked up and down, and the woman named “Cologne” took this as a sign of agreement.
She reached down, and poked the girl in a different spot, and the girl suddenly stumbled forward, almost falling to the ground before Usagi caught her.
She shot Moon a quick look of gratitude, but then her expression faded into neutrality quickly.
She brushed her knees off, then turned to stare behind Usagi.
“You brought all of them?” She asked dryly, and Cologne What an odd name Usagi thought to herself as she turned to follow the girl’s gaze. Seeing the rest of her Senshi standing slightly crowded together behind her, she turned back to meet the girl’s gaze evenly.
“Yes, I did.” Cologne replied. “Now, we’ll all sit down, and you, Nabiki, can contact the others and have them call off the search temporarily.”
The girl, Nabiki Moon reminded herself, motioned for the Senshi to sit down in two of the interconnecting booths. She stared for a few seconds, and appeared to be running through a mental checklist.
“Wait, aren’t there nine of you?” she asked, and the other Senshi turned to Moon, who grimaced.
“Pluto’s not here right now.” She responded unhappily, and Nabiki frowned.
“Well, where is she? Unless you don’t think Ranma’s enough of a threat to warrant all the help we can get, in which case,” her eyes narrowed. “You couldn’t be more incorrect.”
“I…..don’t know.” Moon stuttered in reply, and Nabiki’s face colored in anger. However, before she could explode, Cologne gently tapped her staff against her palm, and her face resumed its normal color.
“Well, we’ll just have to make do then. So, what are your girls names again?”
Moon was shocked. There were people who hadn’t heard of the Sailor Senshi, defenders of Love and Justice?
“I am Sailor Moon, defender of Love and Justice.” She declared proudly.
“Sailor Mercury.”
“Sailor Mars.”
“Sailor Venus.
“Sailor Jupiter.”
“Sailor Uranus.”
“Sailor Neptune.”
“Sailor Saturn.” Hotaru’s voice was quiet as she whispered her Senshi identity, and Moon turned to glance at her worriedly.
“Ah, very good then. Just wait here while I call back our group then.”
“You expect us to wait while Mistress 9 is out there killing people?” Uranus asked heatedly.
“Well, without us, your options are limited.”
“Hah!” Jupiter replied. “We’re more than capable of defeating Mistress 9 again.”
“So,” Nabiki smirked in reply. “Why didn’t you earlier, then?”
Jupiter could muster no reply to that, and Nabiki nodded in triumph. “Now, just wait here, and tell Mousse over there if you want something to eat.”
“Mousse?” Venus asked curiously. “Cologne, Mousse, are those names for purpose?”
“I believe she means for real.” Mercury translated to the disgruntled Nabiki.
“Yes, their Chinese names are harder to pronounce, so we’re going with them for now.”
“Shampoo my love, you have returned to me!”
A man-shaped blur came towards Venus, and hugged her fiercely. Venus grinned slightly.
“Hi there, Tiger. How about you and me go somewhere else?”
“Venus!” Mars spoke sharply, and Venus’ face fell.
“Huh?” the now recognizable man reached into his robe, and put on the thickest pair of glasses Moon had ever seen.
“You’re not Shampoo!”
“Nope.” Venus replied cheerfully, her good mood returning as she checked out the fine male specimen before her.
“Uh…..sorry.” Mousse replied sheepishly. “My mistake. I thought you were my love.” Before he could continue, Cologne rapped him sharply with her staff.
“OW!” Mousse exclaimed. “What did you do that for, you old Mummy?”
“It was for you not even knowing Shampoo’s voice well enough to recognize that it wasn’t her, Mister part-timer. Now get back to work.”
“Oh, hold on a second.” Moon paused, and looked at Mousse expectedly. “Can I get a beef ramen bowl?”
Mousse looked at Cologne, who nodded. “Sure,” he replied. “I’ll be right back.” Having said this, he started back towards the kitchen area.
Moon turned back to the scouts, of whom Mars and Uranus were shooting her disapproving glares.
“What?” she asked. “She offered, I asked.” She turned to Cologne, who nodded sagely.
“Yes, any demon hunter is a friend of the Amazon Tribe.” She replied, and Moon nodded in satisfaction.
“Do excuse me for a second.” Nabiki drawled with a slight hint of sarcasm, and sauntered off outside the café.
Moon looked at her curiously as she left.
“Does she have a problem with us or something?” she asked, and the rest of the Senshi shrugged. Cologne shook her head as well.
“Not to my knowledge.” She thought for a moment. “There are several possiblities. This bodes ill. We all must work together if we are to defeat Son-in-law.”
“Excuse me,” Mercury interjected. “Why do you call this…..Ranma Saotome your son-in-law?”
“Ah,” Cologne cackled. “He is betrothed to my great grand-daughter, Shampoo. And after this is over, he’ll see the benefits in going back with Shampoo to the tribe.”
“Not if I have anything to say about it, Elder.” A new voice spoke from the entrance, and the Senshi turned again to see another girl about their age, but this one had a…..spatula strapped to her back, and several smaller spatulas attached to her in bandoleer fashion.
“Ah, well, if you wish to enter into combat with Shampoo for Son-in-law’s heart when this is over, be my guest.” Cologne replied somewhat caustically. “We’ll see how Okonomiyaki can compare to 3,000 years of Amazon tradition.”
“Okonomiyaki?” Moon asked, salivating slightly at the thought.
“Yep,” The girl nodded, and took a double take at the Senshi sitting down. “The Sailor Senshi. I’ve heard of you before, but to meet you in person…..” She broke off sheepishly, as if reminded why she was at the café in the first place.
“Sorry, my name’s Ukyo Kuonji. It’s nice to meet you.” She nodded to the Senshi, then took a seat at a nearby table.
“So, how did you get into this?” she asked, and Moon turned to stare at Saturn for a second automatically before she realized what she was doing. Uranus and Neptune noted this, and cleared their throats in unison, and Moon flinched.
“Ah, well……”
“It’d be best if we wait until everyone gets here.” Neptune smoothly interjected, and Moon nodded, glad to have gotten her way out of that particular faux pas.
“Ah, okay then.” Ukyo replied, her good cheer fading slightly as she was remembered once again of the reason for her being there.
“Well, the others should be getting here in a couple of minutes.” Nabiki’s voice came from the entrance as she walked back inside.
“Good.” Cologne replied. “The sooner Son-in-Law is back, the better.”
“So wait,” Jupiter interjected, and turned to Ukyo. “Why did you tell Cologne that Shampoo wouldn’t get married to Ranma if you had anything to say about it?”
“Oh, it’s because I’m engaged to Ran-chan.” Ukyo replied, and the Senshi sweatdropped slightly.
“You mean you’re _both_ engaged to him?” Moon asked, and Ukyo nodded slowly. “My claim to him is the best, though.”
”Wait….” Mars had been thinking during this. “Are you Uc-chan?”
“Yeah.” Ukyo replied off-handedly. “Wait,” she paused. “How did you know that?”
Mars blanched slightly. “But weren’t you a boy?”
“No Sugar, 100 percent woman.” Ukyo assured her.
“But Ranma said you were a boy…..” Mars thought out loud, and it was Ukyo’s turn to blanch.
“You’re not…..another fiancée, are you?”
Mars was taken aback.
“No,” she replied quickly. “But I do know Ranma a little, and he did talk about you when the two of you were younger…..”
“That PERVERT!” The yell came out of nowhere, and Moon turned to look at the newcomer.
This new girl was dressed simply in a fighting gi, and her short slightly bluish tinted hair caused Moon to turn to Mercury, who shrugged and shook her head, as if she had known the question that Moon would have asked. As they were talking without words, the girl continued along on her tirade.
“Not only does he stop to talk with pretty girls, he talks about his “cute” fiancée?! That Jerk!”
Mars stood up suddenly.
“Who are you that you can say that about Ranma?!”
The girl turned to glower at her, and Moon could swear she saw faint traces of bluish energy around the girl. She turned to Mercury again, but the arguably most intelligent Senshi already had her computer out, and was scanning said girl.
“Mars, she’s using life energy.” Mars turned to stare at Mercury.
“You mean she’s a youma?”
“No, I don’t believe so. I’ve read that martial artists can sometimes manipulate their life force, or their “ki”, to reinforce their physical attributes, which is what this girl is doing.”
“Still, Ranma’s had enough crap in his life!” Mars shouted, which caused the new girl’s ki to expand higher.
“Hah! That pervert probably deserved it!” She spoke with a superior tone, and Mars teeth ground as she prepared a Fire Soul.
“Little Sister, knock it off!” Nabiki shouted suddenly, and the girl’s aura deflated as quickly as it had expanded. Mars also quickly dispersed her fire soul after a glare from Moon.
“But Nabiki….” The girl pleaded, but Nabiki shook her head.
“They’re on our side, Akane. Besides, I want to know just how Sailor Mars here knows Ranma.”
Mars shrugged. “I met him a while ago. I didn’t hear about any of you, so I’m assuming it was before he got…..say, where are we anyways?”
“Nerima district.” Nabiki replied as she wrote quickly into a notebook. “Wait, how long ago did you meet Ranma?”
Mars thought for a second. “I guess it would be…..over a year now.”
“And did you ever talk with him after that?” Nabiki asked, and Mars shook her head. “I see. Well, I can fill you in, but it’ll cost you…..” Cologne tapped her staff on the floor, and Nabiki grimaced.
“Sorry, force of habit. I’ll fill you in while we’re waiting for everyone else to arrive.”
While Akane took a seat on the other side of the booth Nabiki was sitting on, Mousse came out of the kitchen.
“One Beef Ramen bowl.” He announced, and Moon was next to him before he could finish his sentence. He blinked several times, and handed the bowl to her. She nodded gratefully, then began to eat at her normal pace, until Mars whacked her over the back of her head.
“Eat slower, Meatba…er, Moon!” She scolded, and Nabiki chuckled. “What?” Mars asked, and Nabiki nodded in Moon’s direction.
“Don’t worry about it. Ranma’s…..well, he was worse.”
“You must be jesting,” Mercury asked, her eyebrow raised, and Akane shook her head.
“Nope, Ranma was a lot worse…..that jerk……..” She sniffed, and Moon turned to see what could have been……tears? But before she could check, Akane wiped her face angrily, and Moon couldn’t tell. She shrugged, and returned to her food.
“Well…” Nabiki started to speak, and the Senshi listened intently as she started to go into some of the more memorable moments of chaos that had been injected into their daily lives once Ranma Saotome and his father arrived in Nerima.
//==//==//==//==//==//==//
After about 15 minutes and 2 more beef bowls, the Senshi stared incredulously at Nabiki.
“So, you’re telling me Ranma has at least 4 fiancées?” Jupiter asked.
“And he’s got several rivals out to kill him?” Venus pitched in.
“Is his father really that _stupid_?” Mars groused. Apparently, Ranma had skipped out on some things when he had told her about his life.
“And Ranma has a…curse that lets him switch forms?” Mercury put forth her own question.
“And was the wedding the first time the curse was….different?” The rest of the Senshi turned to Saturn, who had finally spoken for the first time since entering the café.
“Yes, yes, his father is at least that stupid, yes, and yes.” Nabiki answered.
“Is Ranma the only one with such a curse?” Moon asked, and Nabiki shook her head.
“No, there's Mousse, Shampoo, and....” Nabiki trailed off. "That's all, I think.......Oh!" She turned to face the Senshi. "You did meet Ryoga, right?"
"Yes," Cologne quickly interjected, and turned to the Senshi. “He was the one whom Ranma was fighting before I showed up.”
“Oh, anyways, and Shampoo has one as well.”
“They all turn into girls?” Neptune queried.
“No, each has fallen into a different spring.” Nabiki answered, and turned towards the kitchen. “Hey Mousse!” She yelled. “Come out here!”
Mousse did come out, his expression puzzled.
“Yes Nabiki?” he asked, but instead of replying, Nabiki threw a nearby cup of water at him. Mousse shouted, but as soon as the water hit him, instead of a teenage boy, there was a duck wearing the same type of glasses that Mousse had just been wearing.
“Whoa!” Venus spoke for all of the Senshi. “Where’d the hunk go?”
The duck squawked, waddled around a nearby booth. As Moon watched, it reached around itself, and somehow, it came back with a glass of warm tea in its beak. Pouring it over itself, suddenly, Mousse was back. Moon turned away quickly, not expecting the….flesh that had suddenly reasserted itself.
Mercury, who had been recording the transformation with her Mercury Computer, seemed to be fascinated by the results that were revealing themselves to her.
“Interesting….” She thought out loud. “It appears to be based off the same type of Magic that was located in the pit of chaos where you fought Galaxia…..”
Moon started. “But I neutralized Chaos...” She spoke quickly.
“Yes,” Mercury agreed. “But perhaps before you did so, somehow, it manifested itself in the….” She broke off, trying to recall the location.
“Jusenkyo.” Cologne replied. “However,” she continued. “The pools of sorrow have been in existence for well over 3,000 years.”
Mercury frowned in concentration. “But that would mean that Chaos has been around for far longer that I thought…”
“Galaxia said….she said that Chaos always has, and always will exist….” Usagi spoke softly, her own demons coming into play as she remembered the brutal fights against the other Senshi.
The Inner Senshi surrounded her, and she shook off her own demons. Hotaru needed them more then she did at the moment.
“Mousse,” Mercury then turned to the duck-cursed boy. “Am I correct in assuming you wouldn’t want to keep your curse?”
“YES!” Mousse shouted, and had to be temporarily contained by Cologne. After settling down a little, he turned to Mercury.
“You have a cure?” He asked eagerly. “Where is it? I’ll do anything!”
Mercury appeared a bit perturbed by his enthusiasm, and turned to Moon.
“Moon, his “curse” as it seems, appears to actually drain his life energy slowly.”
“WHAT?!” Mousse shouted, and Cologne rapped him on the head with her staff again.
“This is a rather interesting conclusion, Mercury-san. Are you sure?”
Mercury nodded her hair emphatically. “Yes, it’s draining only a minute portion of his total life force, which he probably hasn’t detected due to the fact that I’m sensing he has a much higher than average life force energy, which may be why he happened to get cursed in the first place.”
“But that would mean…” Cologne broke off, thinking. “My great granddaughter has been cursed as well.” She finally stated. “But that was done as punishment…..And the Musk have been using animals as victims for the pools as well……” She turned to Mercury. “What purpose would animals have for any life energy? Humans are much higher….”
Mercury was furiously typing into her computer.
“Hm, it wouldn't make sense, since animals do indeed have less energy....." Mercury thought out loud. "Perhaps......."She broke off again, then turned to Moon. "I need to see the pools and scan them with the Mercury computer before I can make any definitive conclusions.”
"But it would take days to get there!" Mousse cried sadly. He wanted to get rid of his curse, but he didn't want to leave his true love alone with a demon-possessed Ranma for it.
"Moon, can you teleport us there?" Mars asked. If this information about Jusenkyo was true, it was no wonder she couldn't find a cure for Ranma back when he had asked her before she became a Senshi.
But Moon appeared to be indecisive.
“I don’t know,” she finally admitted. “I’ve never tried with this many people before.”
“We can pool our powers.” Saturn offered somewhat timidly, and Moon turned to study the youngest Senshi.
“Saturn, are you sure that’s wise?” Mercury interjected. “I’m not certain of just what possible effects Mistress 9 could have had in your system. You may end up reverting to your previous frail state. You should probably should conserve your......”
Saturn was scowling, and Mercury flinched as the stare was directed at her.
“I’m fine,” Saturn spoke with finality. “Let’s do it.”
Moon nodded uncertainly.
“All right, everyone.” She spoke. “Place your hands over mine.”
The Senshi did so, and so did Cologne and Mousse.
Moon stared at the withered hand placed on hers.
“Are you sure, Cologne-san?” The old woman nodded.
“I have to see if a cure exists for Shampoo.” Cologne stopped, then added, “I may be able to get the council to release her punishment if Jusenkyo was or possibly may still be providing energy for an evil force.”
She turned to Mousse.
“If you can teleport us there, Shampoo should be safe for an hour or so...” Mousse stated surely, and Moon could do naught but nod.
She turned to the remaining two, who hadn’t moved.
“We’ll stay here and wait for your return.” Nabiki spoke for both of them. “Besides, someone will need to keep the others here and inform them on what’s happening.”
“All right,” Moon nodded in confirmation. “Everyone, concentrate!”
The Senshi closed their eyes in concentration, and Moon could feel the power flowing into her from all of the Senshi.
“All right, everyone.” She spoke. “Here we go!”
She thought of what she had heard from the descriptions from Cologne, and concentrated on them. From her brooch, the Ginzuishou shone with a brilliant light, and suddenly, after Nabiki and Akane blinked to clear their eyes, no trace of either the Senshi or members of the Amazon tribe remained.
Nabiki stretched slowly, and turned on the local television to see if any breaking news was being reported, while Akane grumbled about perverts in short skirts, and waited impatiently for the Senshi to return.
//==//==//==//==//==//==//
A violet-haired woman scanned her nearby surroundings slowly, and after seemingly finding what she had been looking for, she made her way up to an abandoned warehouse.
As she approached the door, a man with muscles that bulged out like steel plates suddenly appeared in the doorway.
“Excuse me, miss.” He rumbled. “I believe you’ve gotten lost. You should probably turn around, and go back home.”
The woman smirked in reply, and continued her walk towards the warehouse.
However, as she reached the door next to the loading dock, the man put his fist on her arm.
“I said you should turn around now, darling.” The man spoke, his voice menacing. “It’s not safe for a woman to be around these parts.” He paused. “Unless you wanted to see some…..action.” He flexed his muscles in a futile attempt to seem appealing.
“You can let go of my shoulder now, dirt bag.” The woman shot back in reply, the smirk never leaving her face. “I’m here to compete.”
“You?!” the musclehead guffawed. “Sweetheart, I can judge fighters, and you don’t have any type of skills whatsoever.”
“So, do I need to convince you then?” The woman replied, her smirk taking on a slightly more sinister edge.
“Baby, if you can get past me, I’ll not only let you in, I’ll sign you up myself, and pay for it too.” The man bragged, sure he would be able to overpower some naïve slip of a woman from besting him in combat.
The woman didn’t reply, at least, not verbally, and the thug took this as a sign that she was too cowered to resist. He started to place his hand further down on her shoulder.
Suddenly, the woman moved. She placed her hand on his own, and as the man grinned, twisted it behind her with startling force.
The man grimaced as tendons and ligaments tore, and his mouth snapped shut with an audible click, attempting to concentrate past the pain. The woman noted this, and moved her hand down to his wrist, and squeezed. The man finally let loose a scream of pain as an unbelievable amount of pressure made itself known on his wrist, until with a sickening "snap", it fell to down to his side at an unnatural angle as the woman released her hold.
Her eyes were full of dark mirth, and she knelt down next to him and spoke condescendingly.
“So, I believe you said you would pay for my entry, then?” The erstwhile bouncer said nothing, his mouth again pressed shut, lips turning white from the pressure of containing his sounds. The woman shrugged, and stood. She brushed the dust off her pants, and continued her way into the warehouse, the confident expression never leaving her face. As she entered the warehouse, the man shuddered, and his face emotionless, he began walking awkwardly into the warehouse after her.
A/N
So, another chapter (hopefully) completed.
The Senshi are off to Jusenkyo to see if a cure is possible, (besides the Nannichuan, which will be explained in the next chapter)
Akane and Nabiki are waiting for the rest of the NWC to arrive, as well as waiting for the Senshi and Cologne and Mousse to return.
And a “Certain Someone” appears to be entering into combat at an abandoned warehouse for some unknown reason…..
I’m not sure about the meeting of the Senshi and some of the NWC, so let me know if you can think of anything in particular that seems off….
As always, any C&C would be greatly appreciated.
Special thanks to everyone for all the informative replies in my various Research questions. Especially to DCG for the fighting pit suggestion, even if I’m probably going to end up using it a bit different than he originally suggested.
Later,
MV
Last edited by Metroidvania on Wed Aug 30, 2006 5:36 pm, edited 14 times in total.
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Postby WG_Writer » Sun Aug 27, 2006 10:27 pm

It looks interesting, but I feel that M9 is a bit to violent for Ranma to be much left with that point. If you are running it that they are merged then I feel you should correct that scene to where something other then major bone breakage occurs (without a decent reason/fight).
But that is just my opinion.
Storm trooper effect works against good guys as well.
No matter how strong you are, there is always a teenager able to beat you without breaking a sweat.
A blind Paladin can only hear half truths
A deaf Paladin can only see half truths
Either way the Paladin is a berserker
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Postby Metroidvania » Sun Aug 27, 2006 10:41 pm

Thanks for that, WarG.
I have editted it to make it a little more reasonable.
All I'll say is that yes, it would normally still be _way_ OOC for Ranma, but there is a reason for it.
Later,
MV
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Postby Jadedmagus » Sun Aug 27, 2006 11:07 pm

As it stands now, Ranma/9's scene seems to me to be in good keeping with Ranma's character, as he REALLY despises male attention to his female form (unless it gets him the prize/sword/ice cream). Granted the one concrete example I can think of (in the actually beating them down category, not scamming) is the Golden Pair incident, and after she was kissed, Ranma left to change, then raced back to get vengeance. Not sure why Ranma waited for revenge (even for an instant), perhaps s/he was just stunned.
That said, HURRAY, UPDATE!
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Re: Resurrection of the Silence Chapter 3

Postby Druid » Mon Aug 28, 2006 2:28 am

Metroidvania wrote:Resurrection of the Silence
Chapter 3: Coalition

Yay! :D
She took a moment to study herself, then walked resolutely into the

She took a moment to steady herself.
However, everything now was covered in what appeared to be maps, and a girl about her age appeared to be concentrating so furiously on the

Two uses of the word appeared in the same sentence. I suggest you use seemed instead for one.
Nabiki stretched slowly, and turned on the local television, while Akane grumbled about perverts in short skirts, and waited impatiently for the Senshi to return.

The whole senshi scene going to Jusenkyou scene, while cool, was handled a bit... fast. It was just a bit too easy for them to decide to go. It would be better if you explained in more detail before the decision is made as to WHY they're going, asside from the obvious bit about curing the curses.
And a “Certain Someone” appears to be entering into combat at an abandoned warehouse for some unknown reason…..

It'll be interesting to see what that will be.
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bones in the arm

Postby pspinler » Mon Aug 28, 2006 5:23 am

When m9 breaks the guys arm, it's the humerus. The femur is the major bone in the leg.
as an aside, twisting the arm would be more likely to injure the wrist or elbow, possibly ripping ligaments, tendons, or other soft tissue.
-- Pat
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Postby MindPron » Mon Aug 28, 2006 6:02 am

depends on how you twist it, the focus of the rotation and the force of rotation.
If she was holding the arm higher up the wrist so it couldn't rotate, and applied an unnatural bend to the arm as she twisted, she could easily cause a spiral fracture. But if she did cause a spiral fracture, I doubt the thug would have been able to follow her into the warehouse. Spiral fractures hurt, they hurt alot. Very few injury are as painful. After all, a spiral fracture never breaks clean, but always splinters the bone and kicks bone shards into the surrounding flesh.
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Postby Jadedmagus » Mon Aug 28, 2006 8:49 am

Hmm, some how I missed the breaking the bones part (I just thought 9 tore some muscles/ligaments).
However, even if it IS a spiral fracture it is still possible for the thug to calmly follow her in: Mind Control
As she entered the warehouse, the man shuddered, and his face emotionless, he began walking awkwardly into the warehouse after her.

I don't know about you, but it doesn't seem natural to emotionlessly follow the lady who just broke your arm right after you mocked her...
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Postby Metroidvania » Mon Aug 28, 2006 9:25 am

Thanks for the spelling and grammatical errors Druid. Fixing now.
As for the Senshi going to Jusenkyo feeling rushed, you are correct. I'll lengthen it out a bit more.
Pat, thanks for correcting my bone naming. I don't know why I used the femur....(Shrugs)
Anyways, again, there is another reason behind the fight, but I'll edit it through a little again to hopefully make a bit more sense. But I am going in a specific direction with this.......
EDIT: Both the Senshi travelling and the Breaking scene have been slightly editted, to slow down a little, and make a bit more sense, respectively.
Later,
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Postby B'man » Mon Aug 28, 2006 11:59 am

One of the last paragraphs is contradictory regarding the man showing pain:
First:
The man screamed

Then:
the man grimaced, unwilling to show pain.

Which would be pretty pointless if he's already screamed.
Then...:
The man finally screamed in shock

Note the use of "finally", which assumes that he hasn't already done so.
Also, six instances of "the man" in two paragraphs = bad.
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Postby Epsilon » Mon Aug 28, 2006 12:03 pm

Awesome stuff so far. Story pace feels slow but I suppose it can't be helped.
Why doesn't this forum properly show up when I put in the site address on my AOL browser? - Epsilon after the 100th time trying to check Fukufics from home
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Postby Metroidvania » Mon Aug 28, 2006 12:44 pm

B'man wrote:One of the last paragraphs is contradictory regarding the man showing pain:
Also, six instances of "the man" in two paragraphs = bad.

(Smacks head in stupidity)
Ay-yi-yi.......
Yes, thank you for that, B'Man. I've no excuse for that little mess.
I've editted it now.
Epsilon wrote:Story pace feels slow but I suppose it can't be helped.

Thanks, Epsilon. I'll do my best to keep the pace steady, but going too fast tends to ruin a fic very quickly, at least, in my fanfic reading experience.
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Postby migele » Mon Aug 28, 2006 1:09 pm

I think the pace is fine. works for me at least.
Other. We didn't see enough to believe if there is Ranma in there or not.
If Ranma is properly motivated (which he seems to be) it would be alright.
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Postby PSJD » Mon Aug 28, 2006 9:11 pm

As the Senshi followed the old woman, jumpimg from roof to roof out of the Juuban District,
Sailor Moon snuck a glance at Saturn.

jumping
Mercury turned to Mars, shrugged, and followed their leader into the building.
Mars’ eye twitched, but she threw up her hands in disgust, and followed her erstwhile leader as well.
Jupiter and Venus followed their leader as well, leaving the three outers alone outside.

three sentences - three times 'leader'
“Yes, they’re Chinese names are harder to pronounce, so we’re going with them for now.”

their
“Ah,” Cologne cackled. “He is bethrothed to my great grand-daughter, Shampoo. And after this
is over, he’ll see the benefits in going back with Shampoo to the tribe.”

betrothed
“Well, the other should be getting here in a couple of minutes.”
Nabiki’s voice came from the entrance as she walked back inside.

others
After about 15 minutes and 2 more beef bowls later, the Senshi stared incredulously at Nabiki.

later should be dropped
"But it would take days to get there!" Mousse cried sadly. He wanted to get rid of his curse,
but he didn't want to leave his true love alone with a demon-posessed Ranma for it.

possessed
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Postby Metroidvania » Mon Aug 28, 2006 10:06 pm

Thanks for that, PSJD. Editting now.
On a sidenote, I've editted the fight scene at the end again with the wrist breaking instead of the arm.
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