Temple of Ranma's Sailor Senshi Seifuku
Anime, Scifi, Fantasy Fan and Original Fiction
Truth about Youthful Energy (Spamfic) [Naruto]
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by TerraBull » Wed Oct 11, 2006 8:15 pm
*Bleh* Just had some wierd idea about Regen and Testosterone, if the Kyuubi regrew Naruto back, but without That down there to regulate or direct, ended up morphing to a girl. >;P
Ehh.. makes me wonder if Sasuke underwent the technique.
Hmmm.. does Jiriya know of what Gai and Lee did to themselves?
Now wondering if that might be a reason Lee can only do certain techniques.
Ehh.. makes me wonder if Sasuke underwent the technique.
Hmmm.. does Jiriya know of what Gai and Lee did to themselves?
Now wondering if that might be a reason Lee can only do certain techniques.
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TerraBull
Posts: 124
slang words for the equipment in a male's ... nether regions
by gsteemso » Wed Oct 11, 2006 11:36 pm
"Package" is one that could work, though I think it may be the long sproingy component that is the main focus with that term.
One I got from a Discworld book is "goolies". (Context in the book: The mystic Horseman's Word, which allows a smith or farrier to shoe any horse no matter how vicious, runs approximately as follows: "Cross me, you bugger, and I'll have thy goolies on the anvil, thou knows I can." [sic]) Of course, whether that is real Britspeak (not to mention whether it refers to the whole enchilada or merely the Family Jewels), I have no idea.
When in doubt you could go the simple route and just say ... "parts" ... or some such term. (It's very important, if you go that route, to include the significant pause where necessary, so everyone's minds go to the correct wrong place.)
I'm sure I know many others, but they seem to have temporarily fled my conscious recollection (I'm coming out of a small Not Doing So Well episode, and consequently can't think very clearly). The one thing they all have in common is that they're easily constructed metaphors; the best ones use imagery from the surrounding context. For best results, just "roll your own". Martial arts lends itself well to that sort of double entendre and whatnot, on account of all the weapons. (Cue sword jokes here.)
I was going to go over what you wrote and give you a few quick suggestions, but I'm not currently up to it -- anyone else want to give it a go?
G.
One I got from a Discworld book is "goolies". (Context in the book: The mystic Horseman's Word, which allows a smith or farrier to shoe any horse no matter how vicious, runs approximately as follows: "Cross me, you bugger, and I'll have thy goolies on the anvil, thou knows I can." [sic]) Of course, whether that is real Britspeak (not to mention whether it refers to the whole enchilada or merely the Family Jewels), I have no idea.
When in doubt you could go the simple route and just say ... "parts" ... or some such term. (It's very important, if you go that route, to include the significant pause where necessary, so everyone's minds go to the correct wrong place.)
I'm sure I know many others, but they seem to have temporarily fled my conscious recollection (I'm coming out of a small Not Doing So Well episode, and consequently can't think very clearly). The one thing they all have in common is that they're easily constructed metaphors; the best ones use imagery from the surrounding context. For best results, just "roll your own". Martial arts lends itself well to that sort of double entendre and whatnot, on account of all the weapons. (Cue sword jokes here.)
I was going to go over what you wrote and give you a few quick suggestions, but I'm not currently up to it -- anyone else want to give it a go?
G.
The world’s only gsteemso
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gsteemso
Posts: 150
a followup
by gsteemso » Thu Oct 12, 2006 12:41 am
This wouldn't get out of my head (damn obsessiveness). On rereading, I think the only section of the story that needs a better euphemism for "genitalia" is the bit where Naruto misleadingly screams "I'M NOT CUTTING IT OFF!"
Trying to think of a way to put that which implies the removal of all significant parts and not just the most prominent one, I was immediately put in mind of the Monty Python "Dead Parrot sketch" with its myriad ways to name death (and a little of the famous speech from the short-lived 1960s TV series "The Prisoner"): "They may be privates but these soldiers are not expendable! No knives will approach this sausage! My family tree is not to be trimmed, pruned, clipped, or uprooted! These precious jewels are of no use sitting in the bank! Whatever Gai may tell you, gelding is not an acceptable training technique!"
Of course, finding a euphemism like one of these that _Naruto_ might actually say is going to be hard. He doesn't strike me as having that big of a vocabulary. If you wanted to work this gag in somehow anyway, you might be able to work around the problem by having a less (or at least _differently_) insane teacher give Lee a good shouting at afterwards, maybe in his hospital bed or something.
(Damn euphemisms won't leave me alone now. A more recent Discworld one that is definitely fictional is "rattle-and-flute", and there was a Harry Potter fic somewhere that called the parts in question -- for both genders -- "pink bits". Given that many people's "pink bits" are actually brown or dark grey, I'm not sure how realistic that one is, but it certainly was evocative in context.)
The rest of the story stands fine as is, honestly; I think the "show, not tell" critique really only applies to the section at the end, after the heading that reads "The Day After". In other words, the actual surgery need not be shown (please, by all that is holy, I implore you to not show the surgery) -- but the chase sequence right afterwards could stand to be greatly expanded on.
Of course, as a spamfic, skipping straight to the government's official summary (with its subtext of, "even given that power is always desirable... why exactly did I want to be in charge of these idiots, again?") is perfectly acceptable and carries a rudimentary comic flavour all its own.
OK, too tired to edit this post any more. Do with the suggestions as you will.
G.
Trying to think of a way to put that which implies the removal of all significant parts and not just the most prominent one, I was immediately put in mind of the Monty Python "Dead Parrot sketch" with its myriad ways to name death (and a little of the famous speech from the short-lived 1960s TV series "The Prisoner"): "They may be privates but these soldiers are not expendable! No knives will approach this sausage! My family tree is not to be trimmed, pruned, clipped, or uprooted! These precious jewels are of no use sitting in the bank! Whatever Gai may tell you, gelding is not an acceptable training technique!"
Of course, finding a euphemism like one of these that _Naruto_ might actually say is going to be hard. He doesn't strike me as having that big of a vocabulary. If you wanted to work this gag in somehow anyway, you might be able to work around the problem by having a less (or at least _differently_) insane teacher give Lee a good shouting at afterwards, maybe in his hospital bed or something.
(Damn euphemisms won't leave me alone now. A more recent Discworld one that is definitely fictional is "rattle-and-flute", and there was a Harry Potter fic somewhere that called the parts in question -- for both genders -- "pink bits". Given that many people's "pink bits" are actually brown or dark grey, I'm not sure how realistic that one is, but it certainly was evocative in context.)
The rest of the story stands fine as is, honestly; I think the "show, not tell" critique really only applies to the section at the end, after the heading that reads "The Day After". In other words, the actual surgery need not be shown (please, by all that is holy, I implore you to not show the surgery) -- but the chase sequence right afterwards could stand to be greatly expanded on.
Of course, as a spamfic, skipping straight to the government's official summary (with its subtext of, "even given that power is always desirable... why exactly did I want to be in charge of these idiots, again?") is perfectly acceptable and carries a rudimentary comic flavour all its own.
OK, too tired to edit this post any more. Do with the suggestions as you will.
G.
The world’s only gsteemso
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gsteemso
Posts: 150
by Adyen » Thu Oct 12, 2006 1:44 am
Righto, but Sunny wants to see those parts!Maybe I should edit a poll and ask how many wants to see the surgery...
I'm not really sure if it matters if I changed the "It" in Naruto's scream as it sounds... uh... how can I put this in words that isn't idiotic... Uh... "Right"? "Naruto-ish"? It's not like Naruto would CARE whether Lee wants to just cut "It" off or the "Entire Package" (heck, would anyone here care if someone told you that they wanted to cut off your entire... "Organ"?)
I'll definately add a chase sequence... And I'm probably going to post this on my Mediaminer account since if I posted this on ff.net, it'd be banned so fast that even I would be surprised. I got a few running gags to throw into the chase scene (pun intended).
Thanks for the review!
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Adyen
Posts: 102
by Innortal » Thu Oct 12, 2006 3:52 am
And as for why only his penis was cute off by Lee, do you really think Naruto would have let him finish?
What more, he thought he had problems finding a gf before. If they hear about what he's carrying, they'll stay clear away from him.
Well, maybe not Anko. She likes to live dangerously. But even she might run.
What more, he thought he had problems finding a gf before. If they hear about what he's carrying, they'll stay clear away from him.
Well, maybe not Anko. She likes to live dangerously. But even she might run.
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Innortal
Posts: 469
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