Family Unknown--Prologue

[Anime_Freak317]

Alright, here are some notes before I go off and edit my story for the final time before reposting.

CNJ--True, it would work better if it was centered around Mamoru, however it's going to be centered around Ranma. He thinks that 'Mom' and Genma are the only family that he has. Nothing has been mentioned about his parents or his brother, so his "TRUE" family is unknown.

Iwf58--1.)I can agree with you there that some authors notes shouldn't be put in the middle of the fic. This one included so I'll post them at the end. 2.)Sorry for the misuse of parentheses there. 3.)However I feel that it is essential to the description of the scene to have that in there. Adds more flavor to it.

Ellen Kuhfeld--1.)I'm thinking along the lines with Hotaru. She has healing powers and she's ostracized by normal Middle Schoolers. How do you think that normal Elementry Schoolers would react. Sad truth is that while one alone could handle it, a crowd wouldn't. 2.)Yes, in the beginning, Pluto can see Ranma's life and the general direction to start it in. However remember, he has a brother that has the Golden Crystal in himself. Thus being near that creates ORDER in their lives. 3.)Genma is not Ranma's real father in this fic, but as time wears on, the CHAOS from Genma slowly seeps into him. This, and other things that happen to him, will make it harder and harder to be viewed from the Time Gate. So she has to improvise in order to adjust to the rapid changes.

Okay. So within the next 48 hours I should have the final draft ready for viewing and final comments. Keep an eye out for it.

[Anime_Freak317]

Okay, the story is reposted. It was done while the Red Sox are battling it out with the Yankees.

GO SOX!!!!!

[Andy2kk]

For inspiration, Sinom Bre wrote some really funny Ranma as Tux-boy oneshot fics.

http://home.houston.rr.com/onnaranma/fics/tuxedo.txt
http://home.houston.rr.com/onnaranma/fics/tuxedo2.txt

Also, glad you changed it so pluto can't see what Mamo/Ranma's life will be like, cause suprise... for everyone is much better IMO.
Though if future pluto came back whinning about nothing is how it's meant to be could be good, the future is not set in stone so anything could happen. Pluto has a sister? Whatever you do more soon!

[claymade]

Overall, I enjoyed this quite a bit. Nice plot progression, timing... you're keeping things moving along well and interesting.

One thing I noticed is that you're shifting tenses around a bit... Ex. "...screamed the same friend spotting the driver coming. As if in slow motion, he looks..." Generally speaking, you want to keep a consistent viewpoint, whether past or present tense. I recommend the former.

The kids would tease or torment him, teachers would do
nothing, and even the guidance councilor wouldn't listen to him saying that he should handle his problems on his own.

"Tease" just doesn't seem to fit very well here; I think it's connotations are a little too "light". The kid just killed a guy, after all, and the other kids seem to be scared spitless of him. I'd suggest something more like "either shun or torment him."

This woke up Mamoru from his peaceful slumber. With out warning, he hit a puddle, spinning out of control, slamming through the protective barrier, falling over the edge.

I don't think that Mamoru is the one supposed to be doing all this. You probably don't want to use the pronoun here--perhaps "...the car hit a puddle..." or something to that effect. Also, "without" is one word.

Cliche three: Pluto can see very little of Ranma's life in the Time Gates. And she blames Future Pluto.
<snip>
The third is the easiest: Pluto can't see Ranma's life because of the chaos. So while she's busy blaming Future Pluto, Future Pluto is trying, in great frustration, to get back to warn Present Pluto. But she can't - because of the chaos. The Time Gates dump her in the wrong place every time.

Are you sure? Just based on memory, I seem to recall the "chaos" explanation popping up in at least as many fics that I've read as the "blocked by future self" one. Or at least, that's the impression I get. In my experience, people tend to prefer to credit it to Ranma's powers than Pluto's planning.

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Anyway, in summation: solid setup, and looking forward to seeing what you do with this!

[Ellen Kuhfeld]

Are you sure? Just based on memory, I seem to recall the "chaos" explanation popping up in at least as many fics that I've read as the "blocked by future self" one. Or at least, that's the impression I get. In my experience, people tend to prefer to credit it to Ranma's powers than Pluto's planning.

Oh, they're both cliches. But it's fun to see Pluto pick the wrong cliche to try working around. "All-knowing Pluto" is yet another cliche, and you get cliche offset credits for going against it.

[Anime_Freak317]

Alright, it's posted. Please check back to the first page for a link.