Temple of Ranma's Sailor Senshi Seifuku
Anime, Scifi, Fantasy Fan and Original Fiction
The Return 21 Restoration and Regret Part 1
42 posts
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by Nadrek » Mon Apr 14, 2008 6:04 pm
Oh, yes - and the NKVD/KGB would have insisted on all candidates for a program giving that much power to a single individual have the highest political credentials. I saw nothing more than true believer Communists having been turned to cyborgs - no need for programmed ideals (and the very cliche'd 'we made the perfect X, and our creations destroyed us because we were human, and thus imperfect problem).
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Nadrek
Posts: 103
by Sunshine Temple » Mon Apr 14, 2008 6:04 pm
Nadrek
These comments apply to a first very tired read on fanfiction.net late night between Sunday and Monday.
[That's okay, you always give good stuff.
Regarding the beam weapon as a poor choice for a sniper, I'd say not at all for a military operation with a single target. If you need followup shots, they're going to be taken after artillery, air or other support has been called down on you, but if the sole goal is the elimination of a single target, then stealth is only required until the time comes to commit to action. Suicidal assassins work. In the case of these assassins, distance and superhuman enhancements probably mean a shot can be taken and you can still escape, in an urban environment.
[That's true, they're less conventional warfare anyway
The 'lance from the heavens' immediately brought to mind ortillery. If I recall, the distance involved was a klick and a half or so, and to be 'from the heavens' would be a 30 to 45 degree angle above the ground, meaning one incredibly tall building. Much more likely, the energy beam was pretty close to being parallel to the ground, and I suspect the sniper had a limited field of fire.
[Well a beam weapon wouldn't naturally arc in a significant way.
[Hmm true.
So, the first assassin wasn't radioactive after being shot - what about the second? There was a geiger counter reference, I thought.
[Yes there was.
[And a good pikc there.
Also regarding the sniper/countersniper fight, I completely fail to see why Morgan had no support after a couple of minutes, and there is zero excuse for Morgan having no support when she closed with the second assassin. Aunt Ranma could have been there, her mother could have been there, her sister could have been there, her cousins could have been there, and a WIC helicopter could have been there (the latter at significant risk to itself, while Auntie Ranma is nigh on invulnerable to weapons of that scale). They _fly_ and can sense Morgan's location, allowing for easy tracking from altitude and even, if desires, while remaining a bit away to allow Morgan to do this herself.
[Well she did get support. The whole thing where she was moved and the trap was laid was all WIC support.
[As for the brood not getting in in time. Yes that is a goof. I'll have to adjust the timing of those events to have it fit.
[The brood et all did come just a bit late, and Morgan was jumping the gun.
Regarding the energy feed from Ranma to Eve, I had to re-read it twice to be certain that no, neither Ranma nor Eve was eating the corpse - this appears to me to be Ranma feeding Eve from Ranma's personal energy.store, and I assume that Eve's transformation was as undirected as Ranma's transformations when she feeds on higher level enemies, except the four pointed star. I do wonder if Ranma's going to be using exactly that as Matriarch of her branch of the family, or if her sister(s) will get slightly tailored variants.
[Yes it was. It might be clearer if I reference Ranma's earrings discharging energy
[Yes it was a very similar transformation, just with that Matriarchal symbol added in.
Regarding Eve waking up back at WIC, my take on it was that apparently Ranma carried her sister and both nieces to WIC herself, which seems awkward and time consuming - a teleport would have made perfect sense. I just don't quite see how that much time passed without Eve being aware (or the audience being informed - poof, back at WIC, time passed).
[Currently they don't have teleportation yet.
[And after such events succubae do get sleepy.
[Also Ranma could have helped them to a waiting helicopter. Maybe I'll add that.
Regarding horns and logical rational thought - it takes a special kind of person to indulge in purely logical, rational thought during moderately serious foreplay of any sort.
[Indeed
It's good to see Eve prove herself a good mother, similar to Ranma in protectiveness - after all, we saw Blacksky make a mistake with Alexia (and then another, letting Alexia live).
[Quite right, and glad you picked that up
Ami thinking of surrender when she thought Ranma was showing up made sense... hopefully she had loudspeakers to broadcast it before the initial bombardment destroyed her?
[Ami does try to think logically about things and repair.
I presume WIC is researching Ami's Dark Senshi toys? Well, the sex toys may have gone to the brood...
[Well Ami destroyed much of her stuff, and Setsuna gets first dibs
Usagi not wanting to see the corpse and corpse soup, and Ranma being disappointed by that, was well done. Usagi is very much not ready to play with the big girls. She's out of preschool, but still in kindergarten, wanting to do it the 'nice' way. I was fully expecting that Usagi would get Minako back, and lose someone else at the same time. Such is life.
[Yeh, yup. Usagi is learning, the question is if she's learning fast enough.
I don't recall Ranma's tail thickening during previous dinners. I do recall, of course, her hair being more. I don't recall her mouth enlarging - that seems very strange, particularly if Eve still has a very pretty face - I didn't see it was particularly small before, so if her jaw enlarged, she's out of proportion now.
[Given what Ranma's eaten her mouth can get larger. The larger mouth thing is a bit of chickanery to have the succubae be able to eat more
[basically it is Eve getting more into the succubus matriarch style, like Ranma has
Eve kissing Ranma was nice.
[Thanks
Setsuna as a probable NH is entertaining - as Ranma's been all over Setsuna, one suspects Ranma knows.
[How much Ranma knows depends on how good Setsuna's disguise is, and how much practice she's had at hiding. Setsuna is very old.
Minako, of course, appears to be planted as a double agent both to Ami and to Setsuna, probably in favor of Usagi, possibly currently in favor of Ami, as what I assume to be the Moon Healing Crap failed on Ami, and thus can be assumed unreliable on Minako as well.
[ah Minako. She's gonna be fun.
[Yes, Usagi's powers have shown to be far from infallible.
The bubbles as a defense was interesting - one suspects they're almost worthless against either a continuous beam or a high rate of fire, and definitely against an atmospherically propogated area of effect weapon (blasts, thermobaric weapons, etc.).
[That depends a bit on the exact nature of the bubbles, and how fast Setsuna can summon them.
DarkStar Bursts as intelligence gathering is entertaining and sensible.
[And very, very broken when used to it's potential.
Suggestion: An appendix with a list of characters and a sentences or two about each. I, too, have a hard time remembering Morgan and Morrison's previous lives.
[Hmm... well I sort of have one for the Agents. That is the bulk of new characters.
[As always great comments. I've got a few tweaks to put into the chapter now.
[Thank you.
Edit: Missed this at first
Oh, yes - and the NKVD/KGB would have insisted on all candidates for a program giving that much power to a single individual have the highest political credentials. I saw nothing more than true believer Communists having been turned to cyborgs - no need for programmed ideals (and the very cliche'd 'we made the perfect X, and our creations destroyed us because we were human, and thus imperfect problem).
[In this case the candidates were younger people.
[But they would need to be impeccable.
[And be controllable.
[True they are true believers.
[Well the program there's a part of... does involve perfection.
[The New Soviet Man.
EDIT 2:
Uploaded a new version (V3a) that tries to address what Nardek pointed out.
These comments apply to a first very tired read on fanfiction.net late night between Sunday and Monday.
[That's okay, you always give good stuff.
Regarding the beam weapon as a poor choice for a sniper, I'd say not at all for a military operation with a single target. If you need followup shots, they're going to be taken after artillery, air or other support has been called down on you, but if the sole goal is the elimination of a single target, then stealth is only required until the time comes to commit to action. Suicidal assassins work. In the case of these assassins, distance and superhuman enhancements probably mean a shot can be taken and you can still escape, in an urban environment.
[That's true, they're less conventional warfare anyway
The 'lance from the heavens' immediately brought to mind ortillery. If I recall, the distance involved was a klick and a half or so, and to be 'from the heavens' would be a 30 to 45 degree angle above the ground, meaning one incredibly tall building. Much more likely, the energy beam was pretty close to being parallel to the ground, and I suspect the sniper had a limited field of fire.
[Well a beam weapon wouldn't naturally arc in a significant way.
[Hmm true.
So, the first assassin wasn't radioactive after being shot - what about the second? There was a geiger counter reference, I thought.
[Yes there was.
[And a good pikc there.
Also regarding the sniper/countersniper fight, I completely fail to see why Morgan had no support after a couple of minutes, and there is zero excuse for Morgan having no support when she closed with the second assassin. Aunt Ranma could have been there, her mother could have been there, her sister could have been there, her cousins could have been there, and a WIC helicopter could have been there (the latter at significant risk to itself, while Auntie Ranma is nigh on invulnerable to weapons of that scale). They _fly_ and can sense Morgan's location, allowing for easy tracking from altitude and even, if desires, while remaining a bit away to allow Morgan to do this herself.
[Well she did get support. The whole thing where she was moved and the trap was laid was all WIC support.
[As for the brood not getting in in time. Yes that is a goof. I'll have to adjust the timing of those events to have it fit.
[The brood et all did come just a bit late, and Morgan was jumping the gun.
Regarding the energy feed from Ranma to Eve, I had to re-read it twice to be certain that no, neither Ranma nor Eve was eating the corpse - this appears to me to be Ranma feeding Eve from Ranma's personal energy.store, and I assume that Eve's transformation was as undirected as Ranma's transformations when she feeds on higher level enemies, except the four pointed star. I do wonder if Ranma's going to be using exactly that as Matriarch of her branch of the family, or if her sister(s) will get slightly tailored variants.
[Yes it was. It might be clearer if I reference Ranma's earrings discharging energy
[Yes it was a very similar transformation, just with that Matriarchal symbol added in.
Regarding Eve waking up back at WIC, my take on it was that apparently Ranma carried her sister and both nieces to WIC herself, which seems awkward and time consuming - a teleport would have made perfect sense. I just don't quite see how that much time passed without Eve being aware (or the audience being informed - poof, back at WIC, time passed).
[Currently they don't have teleportation yet.
[And after such events succubae do get sleepy.
[Also Ranma could have helped them to a waiting helicopter. Maybe I'll add that.
Regarding horns and logical rational thought - it takes a special kind of person to indulge in purely logical, rational thought during moderately serious foreplay of any sort.
[Indeed
It's good to see Eve prove herself a good mother, similar to Ranma in protectiveness - after all, we saw Blacksky make a mistake with Alexia (and then another, letting Alexia live).
[Quite right, and glad you picked that up
Ami thinking of surrender when she thought Ranma was showing up made sense... hopefully she had loudspeakers to broadcast it before the initial bombardment destroyed her?
[Ami does try to think logically about things and repair.
I presume WIC is researching Ami's Dark Senshi toys? Well, the sex toys may have gone to the brood...
[Well Ami destroyed much of her stuff, and Setsuna gets first dibs
Usagi not wanting to see the corpse and corpse soup, and Ranma being disappointed by that, was well done. Usagi is very much not ready to play with the big girls. She's out of preschool, but still in kindergarten, wanting to do it the 'nice' way. I was fully expecting that Usagi would get Minako back, and lose someone else at the same time. Such is life.
[Yeh, yup. Usagi is learning, the question is if she's learning fast enough.
I don't recall Ranma's tail thickening during previous dinners. I do recall, of course, her hair being more. I don't recall her mouth enlarging - that seems very strange, particularly if Eve still has a very pretty face - I didn't see it was particularly small before, so if her jaw enlarged, she's out of proportion now.
[Given what Ranma's eaten her mouth can get larger. The larger mouth thing is a bit of chickanery to have the succubae be able to eat more
[basically it is Eve getting more into the succubus matriarch style, like Ranma has
Eve kissing Ranma was nice.
[Thanks
Setsuna as a probable NH is entertaining - as Ranma's been all over Setsuna, one suspects Ranma knows.
[How much Ranma knows depends on how good Setsuna's disguise is, and how much practice she's had at hiding. Setsuna is very old.
Minako, of course, appears to be planted as a double agent both to Ami and to Setsuna, probably in favor of Usagi, possibly currently in favor of Ami, as what I assume to be the Moon Healing Crap failed on Ami, and thus can be assumed unreliable on Minako as well.
[ah Minako. She's gonna be fun.
[Yes, Usagi's powers have shown to be far from infallible.
The bubbles as a defense was interesting - one suspects they're almost worthless against either a continuous beam or a high rate of fire, and definitely against an atmospherically propogated area of effect weapon (blasts, thermobaric weapons, etc.).
[That depends a bit on the exact nature of the bubbles, and how fast Setsuna can summon them.
DarkStar Bursts as intelligence gathering is entertaining and sensible.
[And very, very broken when used to it's potential.
Suggestion: An appendix with a list of characters and a sentences or two about each. I, too, have a hard time remembering Morgan and Morrison's previous lives.
[Hmm... well I sort of have one for the Agents. That is the bulk of new characters.
[As always great comments. I've got a few tweaks to put into the chapter now.
[Thank you.
Edit: Missed this at first
Oh, yes - and the NKVD/KGB would have insisted on all candidates for a program giving that much power to a single individual have the highest political credentials. I saw nothing more than true believer Communists having been turned to cyborgs - no need for programmed ideals (and the very cliche'd 'we made the perfect X, and our creations destroyed us because we were human, and thus imperfect problem).
[In this case the candidates were younger people.
[But they would need to be impeccable.
[And be controllable.
[True they are true believers.
[Well the program there's a part of... does involve perfection.
[The New Soviet Man.
EDIT 2:
Uploaded a new version (V3a) that tries to address what Nardek pointed out.
-
Sunshine Temple
Posts: 2139
by Nadrek » Tue Apr 15, 2008 7:05 am
Two other comments without re-reading:
Limits of gunpowder technology? Not in the slightest. Nodoka is still using, as a base, cartridges scaled for humans and designed with all the normal requirements in mind. I wouldn't really rate any of them as terribly impressive on a vehicular scale, which is effectively what the succubai are on.
When she starts designing a new case out of stronger alloys, and a stronger barrel to handle significantly higher pressures, then I'll take more notice - but right now, no, not really. If she starts taking vehicle ammunition in the 20 to 45mm range as a base, then I'll pay attention - but she's still using very small cases, which means limited velocity, longer travel time, very much lower kinetic energy, smaller rounds, and much more wind drift.
Note that the 25mm and 30mm cannons for APC's really don't weigh that much. A Russian 2A42 30x165mm weighs not much over 100kg, features multiple firing modes and a few ammunition types (including some aftermarket from European countries - I believe it was improved APDS), and has feeds for two belts so the gunner can switch between ammo types. The British 30x170mm L21 Rarden fires in single-shot mode, may use three round magazines, weighs about the same, and was designed for very high accuracy (I have no references for actual accuracy compared to other cannon). Either of these would work well for a succubus, though it'd affect weight limits on helicopters. All weights are without ammo.
I also note we have Nodoka talking about 'what weight limits', and then talk of shaving a kg or two on armor. What is the effect of increased weight on flight, is the succubus flight designed to allow for the carrying off of prey, and do those limits, if any, change based on power, age, or type of conversion?
Limits of gunpowder technology? Not in the slightest. Nodoka is still using, as a base, cartridges scaled for humans and designed with all the normal requirements in mind. I wouldn't really rate any of them as terribly impressive on a vehicular scale, which is effectively what the succubai are on.
When she starts designing a new case out of stronger alloys, and a stronger barrel to handle significantly higher pressures, then I'll take more notice - but right now, no, not really. If she starts taking vehicle ammunition in the 20 to 45mm range as a base, then I'll pay attention - but she's still using very small cases, which means limited velocity, longer travel time, very much lower kinetic energy, smaller rounds, and much more wind drift.
Note that the 25mm and 30mm cannons for APC's really don't weigh that much. A Russian 2A42 30x165mm weighs not much over 100kg, features multiple firing modes and a few ammunition types (including some aftermarket from European countries - I believe it was improved APDS), and has feeds for two belts so the gunner can switch between ammo types. The British 30x170mm L21 Rarden fires in single-shot mode, may use three round magazines, weighs about the same, and was designed for very high accuracy (I have no references for actual accuracy compared to other cannon). Either of these would work well for a succubus, though it'd affect weight limits on helicopters. All weights are without ammo.
I also note we have Nodoka talking about 'what weight limits', and then talk of shaving a kg or two on armor. What is the effect of increased weight on flight, is the succubus flight designed to allow for the carrying off of prey, and do those limits, if any, change based on power, age, or type of conversion?
-
Nadrek
Posts: 103
by Spokavriel » Tue Apr 15, 2008 8:32 am
I'd think that the reduction on the body armor design was more about encumbrance rather than mass. It's allot different being able to support allot of weight in holsters or at arms length as opposed to being layered thick against your form hampering movement.
Imagine trying to armor a bird without effecting it's ability to fly. Sure if a bird is strong enough it could adapt to having armor but would it ever be as graceful or controlled during the flight?
Imagine trying to armor a bird without effecting it's ability to fly. Sure if a bird is strong enough it could adapt to having armor but would it ever be as graceful or controlled during the flight?
-
Spokavriel
Posts: 47773
by Sunshine Temple » Tue Apr 15, 2008 5:42 pm
Nadrek
Two other comments without re-reading:
Limits of gunpowder technology? Not in the slightest. Nodoka is still using, as a base, cartridges scaled for humans and designed with all the normal requirements in mind. I wouldn't really rate any of them as terribly impressive on a vehicular scale, which is effectively what the succubai are on.
[Okay.
[Should I make it clearer and say the limits of man-portable gunpowder technology?
When she starts designing a new case out of stronger alloys, and a stronger barrel to handle significantly higher pressures, then I'll take more notice - but right now, no, not really. If she starts taking vehicle ammunition in the 20 to 45mm range as a base, then I'll pay attention - but she's still using very small cases, which means limited velocity, longer travel time, very much lower kinetic energy, smaller rounds, and much more wind drift.
[And Morgan's gun is a stronger barrel and an increased strength to the 25mm charge.
[I mean That is an increase in there and is not a very small base.
[I could emphasize that Nodoka modified the base 25mm design, I do have it specified at about mach 3 in velocity.
[Which itself is a modification of a 0.50in design, using a round designed for heavy machine guns originally.
[There's also her totally custom 17mm rounds.
Note that the 25mm and 30mm cannons for APC's really don't weigh that much. A Russian 2A42 30x165mm weighs not much over 100kg, features multiple firing modes and a few ammunition types (including some aftermarket from European countries - I believe it was improved APDS), and has feeds for two belts so the gunner can switch between ammo types. The British 30x170mm L21 Rarden fires in single-shot mode, may use three round magazines, weighs about the same, and was designed for very high accuracy (I have no references for actual accuracy compared to other cannon). Either of these would work well for a succubus, though it'd affect weight limits on helicopters. All weights are without ammo.
[Well we are talking about Morgan's weapon here. And while a M2 has been used in a sharp shooter role.
[It's better for Morgan to use a purpose built sharpshooter weapon, which has better accuracy. Key for her role.
[And speaking of the Ma-Deuce. Morrison was using that weapon, and length not weight was why she did not like it.
[Which is similar in weight to those cannon.
[Now succubae can carry such cannon, but the concern is that the kick would nock them off their feet, and the succubae would have to go prone to use them. Which doesn't totally negate their use.
[Morrison being able to stand while using an M2 is "almost" possible, a larger weapon and not at all.
[the M2 is also not ideal for her. An XM312 or XM307 may be better.
[Or the 17mm weapon that Nodoka is having built.
[But the M2 is what they had and it was relatively easy to modify for use.
[Strength is one factor, build and ergonomics are another.
[That's why the planned design is a 17mm in a bullpup configuration to make a more compact weapon better suited for urban warfare.
[Those vehicle-borne weapons are a bit under 2m in length.
[Morgan is okay with a long gun given her role (1.57m long), and as stated a vehicle type weapon isn't quite right for her role.
I also note we have Nodoka talking about 'what weight limits', and then talk of shaving a kg or two on armor. What is the effect of increased weight on flight, is the succubus flight designed to allow for the carrying off of prey, and do those limits, if any, change based on power, age, or type of conversion?
[Yes, succubae are designed to carry prey or young when flying. A rough statistic is they can carry another grown person with... trouble. See the chapter where each succubus took another person out with them when their helicopter was hit.
[Like any other flying thing, saving even a bit of weight helps. Though it's less load and more mobility.
[With most things a more powerful succubus can do more, and age roughly correlates to power.
[Not sure if conversion has an influence here.
Spokavriel
I'd think that the reduction on the body armor design was more about encumbrance rather than mass. It's allot different being able to support allot of weight in holsters or at arms length as opposed to being layered thick against your form hampering movement.
Imagine trying to armor a bird without effecting it's ability to fly. Sure if a bird is strong enough it could adapt to having armor but would it ever be as graceful or controlled during the flight?
[That's it to a T.
[Succubae are more agile and maneuverable, and bulkier armor negates that.
[
Two other comments without re-reading:
Limits of gunpowder technology? Not in the slightest. Nodoka is still using, as a base, cartridges scaled for humans and designed with all the normal requirements in mind. I wouldn't really rate any of them as terribly impressive on a vehicular scale, which is effectively what the succubai are on.
[Okay.
[Should I make it clearer and say the limits of man-portable gunpowder technology?
When she starts designing a new case out of stronger alloys, and a stronger barrel to handle significantly higher pressures, then I'll take more notice - but right now, no, not really. If she starts taking vehicle ammunition in the 20 to 45mm range as a base, then I'll pay attention - but she's still using very small cases, which means limited velocity, longer travel time, very much lower kinetic energy, smaller rounds, and much more wind drift.
[And Morgan's gun is a stronger barrel and an increased strength to the 25mm charge.
[I mean That is an increase in there and is not a very small base.
[I could emphasize that Nodoka modified the base 25mm design, I do have it specified at about mach 3 in velocity.
[Which itself is a modification of a 0.50in design, using a round designed for heavy machine guns originally.
[There's also her totally custom 17mm rounds.
Note that the 25mm and 30mm cannons for APC's really don't weigh that much. A Russian 2A42 30x165mm weighs not much over 100kg, features multiple firing modes and a few ammunition types (including some aftermarket from European countries - I believe it was improved APDS), and has feeds for two belts so the gunner can switch between ammo types. The British 30x170mm L21 Rarden fires in single-shot mode, may use three round magazines, weighs about the same, and was designed for very high accuracy (I have no references for actual accuracy compared to other cannon). Either of these would work well for a succubus, though it'd affect weight limits on helicopters. All weights are without ammo.
[Well we are talking about Morgan's weapon here. And while a M2 has been used in a sharp shooter role.
[It's better for Morgan to use a purpose built sharpshooter weapon, which has better accuracy. Key for her role.
[And speaking of the Ma-Deuce. Morrison was using that weapon, and length not weight was why she did not like it.
[Which is similar in weight to those cannon.
[Now succubae can carry such cannon, but the concern is that the kick would nock them off their feet, and the succubae would have to go prone to use them. Which doesn't totally negate their use.
[Morrison being able to stand while using an M2 is "almost" possible, a larger weapon and not at all.
[the M2 is also not ideal for her. An XM312 or XM307 may be better.
[Or the 17mm weapon that Nodoka is having built.
[But the M2 is what they had and it was relatively easy to modify for use.
[Strength is one factor, build and ergonomics are another.
[That's why the planned design is a 17mm in a bullpup configuration to make a more compact weapon better suited for urban warfare.
[Those vehicle-borne weapons are a bit under 2m in length.
[Morgan is okay with a long gun given her role (1.57m long), and as stated a vehicle type weapon isn't quite right for her role.
I also note we have Nodoka talking about 'what weight limits', and then talk of shaving a kg or two on armor. What is the effect of increased weight on flight, is the succubus flight designed to allow for the carrying off of prey, and do those limits, if any, change based on power, age, or type of conversion?
[Yes, succubae are designed to carry prey or young when flying. A rough statistic is they can carry another grown person with... trouble. See the chapter where each succubus took another person out with them when their helicopter was hit.
[Like any other flying thing, saving even a bit of weight helps. Though it's less load and more mobility.
[With most things a more powerful succubus can do more, and age roughly correlates to power.
[Not sure if conversion has an influence here.
Spokavriel
I'd think that the reduction on the body armor design was more about encumbrance rather than mass. It's allot different being able to support allot of weight in holsters or at arms length as opposed to being layered thick against your form hampering movement.
Imagine trying to armor a bird without effecting it's ability to fly. Sure if a bird is strong enough it could adapt to having armor but would it ever be as graceful or controlled during the flight?
[That's it to a T.
[Succubae are more agile and maneuverable, and bulkier armor negates that.
[
-
Sunshine Temple
Posts: 2139
by Nadrek » Tue Apr 15, 2008 6:33 pm
[Well she did get support. The whole thing where she was moved and the trap was laid was all WIC support.
[As for the brood not getting in in time. Yes that is a goof. I'll have to adjust the timing of those events to have it fit.
[The brood et all did come just a bit late, and Morgan was jumping the gun.
}I'll read the fix later, but Morgan jumping the gun would allow her to be there first, if the others kept at least as far away as Morgan. OTOH, that seems out of character for Morgan, or is it?
[Yes it was. It might be clearer if I reference Ranma's earrings discharging energy
[Yes it was a very similar transformation, just with that Matriarchal symbol added in.
}I don't recall anything significant about her earrings, and I don't, regrettably, have time to re-read now
. Not even to read all of v3a at the moment.
[Currently they don't have teleportation yet.
[And after such events succubae do get sleepy.
[Also Ranma could have helped them to a waiting helicopter. Maybe I'll add that.
}Ranma got sleepy after eating enemies and upgrading? I don't remember that either. The broodlings, yes, I can see that.
[Well Ami destroyed much of her stuff, and Setsuna gets first dibs
}Is it in character for Setsuna to take the stuff?
[Yeh, yup. Usagi is learning, the question is if she's learning fast enough.
}I'm going to go with... No, she's not - because she didn't make an effort to overcome or question her reluctance to see her enemies, nor did she really pick up on the 'oh, there's probably more out there' point.
[Given what Ranma's eaten her mouth can get larger. The larger mouth thing is a bit of chickanery to have the succubae be able to eat more
[basically it is Eve getting more into the succubus matriarch style, like Ranma has
}So, the mouth changes shape/size when eating, and returns to humanlike when not eating (sort of like Picardin (sp?))?
[How much Ranma knows depends on how good Setsuna's disguise is, and how much practice she's had at hiding. Setsuna is very old.
}If Ranma thinks back on it, did Setsuna taste different when Ranma was teasing her? She didn't bite in, but masking one's flavor from a powerful succubus matriarch has to be a little more difficult than masking yourself at range.
[ah Minako. She's gonna be fun.
[Yes, Usagi's powers have shown to be far from infallible.
}Good.
The bubbles as a defense was interesting - one suspects they're almost worthless against either a continuous beam or a high rate of fire, and definitely against an atmospherically propogated area of effect weapon (blasts, thermobaric weapons, etc.).
[That depends a bit on the exact nature of the bubbles, and how fast Setsuna can summon them.
}If there's continuous atmosphere, I fail to see out bubbles will stop a major shockwave and thermal gradient. Maybe they could stop a high rate of fire or a continuous beam, but we did see several of them be destroyed by the Russian beam weapon.
DarkStar Bursts as intelligence gathering is entertaining and sensible.
[And very, very broken when used to it's potential.
}If I have an unstoppable superweapon, I will use it as early and often as possible.
Suggestion: An appendix with a list of characters and a sentences or two about each. I, too, have a hard time remembering Morgan and Morrison's previous lives.
[Hmm... well I sort of have one for the Agents. That is the bulk of new characters.
}And they're the most confusing, as most got lost among the big boys and girls in their early appearances, for many readers.
[As always great comments. I've got a few tweaks to put into the chapter now.
[Thank you.
}You're quite welcome.
[In this case the candidates were younger people.
[But they would need to be impeccable.
[And be controllable.
[True they are true believers.
[Well the program there's a part of... does involve perfection.
[The New Soviet Man.
}Well... for once, it looks like it worked.
EDIT 2:
Uploaded a new version (V3a) that tries to address what Nardek pointed out.
}Nadrek
.
[As for the brood not getting in in time. Yes that is a goof. I'll have to adjust the timing of those events to have it fit.
[The brood et all did come just a bit late, and Morgan was jumping the gun.
}I'll read the fix later, but Morgan jumping the gun would allow her to be there first, if the others kept at least as far away as Morgan. OTOH, that seems out of character for Morgan, or is it?
[Yes it was. It might be clearer if I reference Ranma's earrings discharging energy
[Yes it was a very similar transformation, just with that Matriarchal symbol added in.
}I don't recall anything significant about her earrings, and I don't, regrettably, have time to re-read now
. Not even to read all of v3a at the moment.
[Currently they don't have teleportation yet.
[And after such events succubae do get sleepy.
[Also Ranma could have helped them to a waiting helicopter. Maybe I'll add that.
}Ranma got sleepy after eating enemies and upgrading? I don't remember that either. The broodlings, yes, I can see that.
[Well Ami destroyed much of her stuff, and Setsuna gets first dibs
}Is it in character for Setsuna to take the stuff?
[Yeh, yup. Usagi is learning, the question is if she's learning fast enough.
}I'm going to go with... No, she's not - because she didn't make an effort to overcome or question her reluctance to see her enemies, nor did she really pick up on the 'oh, there's probably more out there' point.
[Given what Ranma's eaten her mouth can get larger. The larger mouth thing is a bit of chickanery to have the succubae be able to eat more
[basically it is Eve getting more into the succubus matriarch style, like Ranma has
}So, the mouth changes shape/size when eating, and returns to humanlike when not eating (sort of like Picardin (sp?))?
[How much Ranma knows depends on how good Setsuna's disguise is, and how much practice she's had at hiding. Setsuna is very old.
}If Ranma thinks back on it, did Setsuna taste different when Ranma was teasing her? She didn't bite in, but masking one's flavor from a powerful succubus matriarch has to be a little more difficult than masking yourself at range.
[ah Minako. She's gonna be fun.
[Yes, Usagi's powers have shown to be far from infallible.
}Good.
The bubbles as a defense was interesting - one suspects they're almost worthless against either a continuous beam or a high rate of fire, and definitely against an atmospherically propogated area of effect weapon (blasts, thermobaric weapons, etc.).
[That depends a bit on the exact nature of the bubbles, and how fast Setsuna can summon them.
}If there's continuous atmosphere, I fail to see out bubbles will stop a major shockwave and thermal gradient. Maybe they could stop a high rate of fire or a continuous beam, but we did see several of them be destroyed by the Russian beam weapon.
DarkStar Bursts as intelligence gathering is entertaining and sensible.
[And very, very broken when used to it's potential.
}If I have an unstoppable superweapon, I will use it as early and often as possible.
Suggestion: An appendix with a list of characters and a sentences or two about each. I, too, have a hard time remembering Morgan and Morrison's previous lives.
[Hmm... well I sort of have one for the Agents. That is the bulk of new characters.
}And they're the most confusing, as most got lost among the big boys and girls in their early appearances, for many readers.
[As always great comments. I've got a few tweaks to put into the chapter now.
[Thank you.
}You're quite welcome.
[In this case the candidates were younger people.
[But they would need to be impeccable.
[And be controllable.
[True they are true believers.
[Well the program there's a part of... does involve perfection.
[The New Soviet Man.
}Well... for once, it looks like it worked.
EDIT 2:
Uploaded a new version (V3a) that tries to address what Nardek pointed out.
}Nadrek
.-
Nadrek
Posts: 103
by Sunshine Temple » Tue Apr 15, 2008 7:01 pm
>>>[Well she did get support. The whole thing where she was moved and the trap was laid was all WIC support.
>>>[As for the brood not getting in in time. Yes that is a goof. I'll have to adjust the timing of those events to have it fit.
>>>[The brood et all did come just a bit late, and Morgan was jumping the gun.
}I'll read the fix later, but Morgan jumping the gun would allow her to be there first, if the others kept at least as far away as Morgan. OTOH, that seems out of character for Morgan, or is it?
[They did not know where Svetlana was.
[It's quite conceivable that Morgan could have ended up being the closest to her.
>>>[Yes it was. It might be clearer if I reference Ranma's earrings discharging energy
>>>[Yes it was a very similar transformation, just with that Matriarchal symbol added in.
}I don't recall anything significant about her earrings, and I don't, regrettably, have time to re-read now . Not even to read all of v3a at the moment.
[Ranma's earrings are the succubus energy equivalent of capacitors.
[They store up power and can discharge it when needed.
[BlackSky explained these when she gave Misako a pair.
>>>[Currently they don't have teleportation yet.
>>>[And after such events succubae do get sleepy.
>>>[Also Ranma could have helped them to a waiting helicopter. Maybe I'll add that.
}Ranma got sleepy after eating enemies and upgrading? I don't remember that either. The broodlings, yes, I can see that.
[Eve is not as old as Ranma, she's younger than all of Ranma's broodlings.
>>>[Well Ami destroyed much of her stuff, and Setsuna gets first dibs
}Is it in character for Setsuna to take the stuff?
[That could give information that would help beat Ami?
[Yes.
[That's just sex toys... no...
[Well maybe if Setsuna was really paranoid.
>>>[Yeh, yup. Usagi is learning, the question is if she's learning fast enough.
}I'm going to go with... No, she's not - because she didn't make an effort to overcome or question her reluctance to see her enemies, nor did she really pick up on the 'oh, there's probably more out there' point.
[Usagi has progressed, but she still clings to her past conceptions.
>>>[Given what Ranma's eaten her mouth can get larger. The larger mouth thing is a bit of chickanery to have the succubae be able to eat more
>>>[basically it is Eve getting more into the succubus matriarch style, like Ranma has
}So, the mouth changes shape/size when eating, and returns to humanlike when not eating (sort of like Picardin (sp?))?
[Yes, but without the ultra long tongues.
>>>[How much Ranma knows depends on how good Setsuna's disguise is, and how much practice she's had at hiding. Setsuna is very old.
}If Ranma thinks back on it, did Setsuna taste different when Ranma was teasing her? She didn't bite in, but masking one's flavor from a powerful succubus matriarch has to be a little more difficult than masking yourself at range.
[That's a good question.
[Ranma certainly didn't comment on it.
>>>[ah Minako. She's gonna be fun.
>>>[Yes, Usagi's powers have shown to be far from infallible.
}Good.
[I never liked her powers always coming in the end and making nearly everything all better.
>>>[That depends a bit on the exact nature of the bubbles, and how fast Setsuna can summon them.
}If there's continuous atmosphere, I fail to see out bubbles will stop a major shockwave and thermal gradient. Maybe they could stop a high rate of fire or a continuous beam, but we did see several of them be destroyed by the Russian beam weapon.
[The first problem is you calling them bubbles.
[And assuming what their nature is like.
[Setsuna has been rather... terse on what that power does.
>>>[And very, very broken when used to it's potential.
}If I have an unstoppable superweapon, I will use it as early and often as possible.
[Unstoppable?
[I wouldn't say that.
[There are counters too it.
>>>[Hmm... well I sort of have one for the Agents. That is the bulk of new characters.
}And they're the most confusing, as most got lost among the big boys and girls in their early appearances, for many readers.
[Yes, a shame that.
>>>[As always great comments. I've got a few tweaks to put into the chapter now.
>>>[Thank you.
}You're quite welcome.
>>>[In this case the candidates were younger people.
>>>[But they would need to be impeccable.
>>>[And be controllable.
>>>[True they are true believers.
>>>[Well the program there's a part of... does involve perfection.
>>>[The New Soviet Man.
}Well... for once, it looks like it worked.
[But at what cost?
[I'm not being cute here.
[The cost of a program like this, and the per unit cost of making a cyborg like this is a very important question.
>>>[As for the brood not getting in in time. Yes that is a goof. I'll have to adjust the timing of those events to have it fit.
>>>[The brood et all did come just a bit late, and Morgan was jumping the gun.
}I'll read the fix later, but Morgan jumping the gun would allow her to be there first, if the others kept at least as far away as Morgan. OTOH, that seems out of character for Morgan, or is it?
[They did not know where Svetlana was.
[It's quite conceivable that Morgan could have ended up being the closest to her.
>>>[Yes it was. It might be clearer if I reference Ranma's earrings discharging energy
>>>[Yes it was a very similar transformation, just with that Matriarchal symbol added in.
}I don't recall anything significant about her earrings, and I don't, regrettably, have time to re-read now . Not even to read all of v3a at the moment.
[Ranma's earrings are the succubus energy equivalent of capacitors.
[They store up power and can discharge it when needed.
[BlackSky explained these when she gave Misako a pair.
>>>[Currently they don't have teleportation yet.
>>>[And after such events succubae do get sleepy.
>>>[Also Ranma could have helped them to a waiting helicopter. Maybe I'll add that.
}Ranma got sleepy after eating enemies and upgrading? I don't remember that either. The broodlings, yes, I can see that.
[Eve is not as old as Ranma, she's younger than all of Ranma's broodlings.
>>>[Well Ami destroyed much of her stuff, and Setsuna gets first dibs
}Is it in character for Setsuna to take the stuff?
[That could give information that would help beat Ami?
[Yes.
[That's just sex toys... no...
[Well maybe if Setsuna was really paranoid.
>>>[Yeh, yup. Usagi is learning, the question is if she's learning fast enough.
}I'm going to go with... No, she's not - because she didn't make an effort to overcome or question her reluctance to see her enemies, nor did she really pick up on the 'oh, there's probably more out there' point.
[Usagi has progressed, but she still clings to her past conceptions.
>>>[Given what Ranma's eaten her mouth can get larger. The larger mouth thing is a bit of chickanery to have the succubae be able to eat more
>>>[basically it is Eve getting more into the succubus matriarch style, like Ranma has
}So, the mouth changes shape/size when eating, and returns to humanlike when not eating (sort of like Picardin (sp?))?
[Yes, but without the ultra long tongues.
>>>[How much Ranma knows depends on how good Setsuna's disguise is, and how much practice she's had at hiding. Setsuna is very old.
}If Ranma thinks back on it, did Setsuna taste different when Ranma was teasing her? She didn't bite in, but masking one's flavor from a powerful succubus matriarch has to be a little more difficult than masking yourself at range.
[That's a good question.
[Ranma certainly didn't comment on it.
>>>[ah Minako. She's gonna be fun.
>>>[Yes, Usagi's powers have shown to be far from infallible.
}Good.
[I never liked her powers always coming in the end and making nearly everything all better.
>>>[That depends a bit on the exact nature of the bubbles, and how fast Setsuna can summon them.
}If there's continuous atmosphere, I fail to see out bubbles will stop a major shockwave and thermal gradient. Maybe they could stop a high rate of fire or a continuous beam, but we did see several of them be destroyed by the Russian beam weapon.
[The first problem is you calling them bubbles.
[And assuming what their nature is like.
[Setsuna has been rather... terse on what that power does.
>>>[And very, very broken when used to it's potential.
}If I have an unstoppable superweapon, I will use it as early and often as possible.
[Unstoppable?
[I wouldn't say that.
[There are counters too it.
>>>[Hmm... well I sort of have one for the Agents. That is the bulk of new characters.
}And they're the most confusing, as most got lost among the big boys and girls in their early appearances, for many readers.
[Yes, a shame that.
>>>[As always great comments. I've got a few tweaks to put into the chapter now.
>>>[Thank you.
}You're quite welcome.
>>>[In this case the candidates were younger people.
>>>[But they would need to be impeccable.
>>>[And be controllable.
>>>[True they are true believers.
>>>[Well the program there's a part of... does involve perfection.
>>>[The New Soviet Man.
}Well... for once, it looks like it worked.
[But at what cost?
[I'm not being cute here.
[The cost of a program like this, and the per unit cost of making a cyborg like this is a very important question.
-
Sunshine Temple
Posts: 2139
by Nadrek » Tue Apr 15, 2008 7:52 pm
WARNING: This post contains technical weapons discussion, including basic physics. If that's not your cup of tea, please move down to '} v3a comments:', at the end.
[Okay.
[Should I make it clearer and say the limits of man-portable gunpowder technology?
}Probably not - the Russian assassins carry what I would consider a vehicular level weapon (destroying entire rooms inside buildings), but don't appear to think on those levels. Another argument for them being NKVD/KGB, and not military (well, maybe GRU) - they're assassins, not soldiers.
[And Morgan's gun is a stronger barrel and an increased strength to the 25mm charge.
[I mean That is an increase in there and is not a very small base.
[I could emphasize that Nodoka modified the base 25mm design, I do have it specified at about mach 3 in velocity.
[Which itself is a modification of a 0.50in design, using a round designed for heavy machine guns originally.
}While the weapon might be, the 25mm round, in specific, is not a modified 12.5mm. I don't believe that makes sense, as the 12.5mm brass is (unreliably) less than 21mm in diameter to begin with. Most modified (wildcat) rounds with larger diameter are a necked case (like the .50 BMG) with the neck cut off to make a straight walled case. When you start changing base diameter, you're not modifying anymore - you might as well then say it's based on a 9mm or a .380 auto or every other similar case ever made. The M2 Browning was also specifically not a sniper weapon. A Barret light .50 and some other weapons are.
}Mach 3, or about 1000m/s, is about right for most major rifle/cannon calibers, and is about the same as .50 BMG.
[There's also her totally custom 17mm rounds.
} 25x59mm
}www.smallarmsreview.com/pdf/payload.pdf reports ballistic coefficient inferior to .50 BMG - for a short round, that makes sense. I'll assume Nodoka's is equal to a .510" Hornady 750gr A-Max. (http://www.varminthunters.com/tech/vmax.html) for 1.05
}Using http://www.eskimo.com/~jbm/calculations/traj/traj.html for calculations.
}Range from Sveltana to Usagi, first round, ~1500 yards. Range from Morgan to Sveltana, first round, >2000 meters.
}Let's assume by some miracle the wind averages out to only 10km/hr at a 45 degree angle, and the scope is zeroed at 1500 yards
}2000 yards: velocity at target is down to 502m/s, flight time of 2.5 seconds, and the round dropped 30 feet in the last 500 yards. The light wind assumed also blew the round 5 feet.
}Range from Morgan to Sveltana, second round, 3500 meters. Reported time of flight, 3 seconds. Reported muzzle velocity, Mach 3 (~900m/s - we won't bother with atmosphereic pressure and temperature)
}This calculator doesn't go beyond 3000 yards, but at only 3000 yards range, velocity is down to 349m/s, flight time is 4.8 seconds, and the bullet dropped 183 feet from where it was at 1500 yards. The light wind assumed blew the bullet 13 feet. The bullet also dropped some 70 MOA, which is at or near the limit of almost all scopes capability to adjust. Much more importantly, in another few yards, the bullet goes subsonic, almost certainly tumbles, and is therefore inaccurate - once your bullet drops through the sound barrier, you're accuracy is gone.
Use the links, play with the numbers, or search for 'external ballistics' for other calculators.
[Well we are talking about Morgan's weapon here. And while a M2 has been used in a sharp shooter role.
[It's better for Morgan to use a purpose built sharpshooter weapon, which has better accuracy. Key for her role.
[And speaking of the Ma-Deuce. Morrison was using that weapon, and length not weight was why she did not like it.
[Which is similar in weight to those cannon.
}The M2 machine gun is about or under half the weight of the cannon - kg vs. pounds, I suspect.
}Yes, a purpose built weapons is better for a sniper - but the round selection could have been more to their advantage.
}Note that there's a massive difference here between vehicular and human rounds. The 25x59mm likely has a ~40 gram projectile. The 30x165mm projectiles are in the ~400 gram range, and as I recall, the HEI round for the 30x165mm has about 48 grams of filler (explosive + incendiary). 30x165mm are still in the 900m/s ballpark, until you get into the APDS and aftermarket rounds, which can be higher, I believe.
[Now succubae can carry such cannon, but the concern is that the kick would nock them off their feet, and the succubae would have to go prone to use them. Which doesn't totally negate their use.
[Morrison being able to stand while using an M2 is "almost" possible, a larger weapon and not at all.
}Sitting position, perhaps. And prone only is just fine for a sniper weapon.
}A good point about recoil - momentum is always, always conserved.
[the M2 is also not ideal for her. An XM312 or XM307 may be better.
[Or the 17mm weapon that Nodoka is having built.
[But the M2 is what they had and it was relatively easy to modify for use.
[Strength is one factor, build and ergonomics are another.
[That's why the planned design is a 17mm in a bullpup configuration to make a more compact weapon better suited for urban warfare.
[Those vehicle-borne weapons are a bit under 2m in length.
[Morgan is okay with a long gun given her role (1.57m long), and as stated a vehicle type weapon isn't quite right for her role.
[Yes, succubae are designed to carry prey or young when flying. A rough statistic is they can carry another grown person with... trouble. See the chapter where each succubus took another person out with them when their helicopter was hit.
}Ok, so the vehicle cannon would be in the 'trouble' range, while the 25x59 is in the 'child-weight' range.
[Like any other flying thing, saving even a bit of weight helps. Though it's less load and more mobility.
}Makes sense.
[With most things a more powerful succubus can do more, and age roughly correlates to power.
[Not sure if conversion has an influence here.
[That's it to a T.
[Succubae are more agile and maneuverable, and bulkier armor negates that.
[
}Bulk I can see.
} v3a comments:
}still has the 'from the heavens'
}'Pulling the trigger, Morgan frowned, preferring to take the sniper herself.' - 'and would have preferred to take...' - preferring implies she's shooting at the moving sniper at 2km, which is insane, instead of at the still spotter, which is merely improbable.
}'The enemy rifle was not invincible, a thick titanium sphere within an armored chest, was protection enough.' - Well, the second comma should be removed, and this makes little sense - Ivanova, at least, didn't have such armor. Side note: steel was still better armor than titanium alloys at the time thickness for thickness. Titanium had weight and corrosion advantages, which would make sense for a cyborg.
}I don't think Sveltana's return fire was delayed solely by the sound of the shot - she'd gone down a floor, which takes several seconds, and that was after she'd heard the shot. Thus, Morgan can't logically determine that isn't sound based, as opposed to a cautious change of position, with solely timing data.
}'while decoding the electromagnetic broadcasts was one level of advanced technology but monitoring every single landline was another.' - 'technology, monitoring'
}'A thick blue beam arced out,' - arced? On a curve?
}So, at 3.5km away, why was Morgan by far the closest? That seems... odd, given how many succubae there are around, not even counting Company troops.
[Okay.
[Should I make it clearer and say the limits of man-portable gunpowder technology?
}Probably not - the Russian assassins carry what I would consider a vehicular level weapon (destroying entire rooms inside buildings), but don't appear to think on those levels. Another argument for them being NKVD/KGB, and not military (well, maybe GRU) - they're assassins, not soldiers.
[And Morgan's gun is a stronger barrel and an increased strength to the 25mm charge.
[I mean That is an increase in there and is not a very small base.
[I could emphasize that Nodoka modified the base 25mm design, I do have it specified at about mach 3 in velocity.
[Which itself is a modification of a 0.50in design, using a round designed for heavy machine guns originally.
}While the weapon might be, the 25mm round, in specific, is not a modified 12.5mm. I don't believe that makes sense, as the 12.5mm brass is (unreliably) less than 21mm in diameter to begin with. Most modified (wildcat) rounds with larger diameter are a necked case (like the .50 BMG) with the neck cut off to make a straight walled case. When you start changing base diameter, you're not modifying anymore - you might as well then say it's based on a 9mm or a .380 auto or every other similar case ever made. The M2 Browning was also specifically not a sniper weapon. A Barret light .50 and some other weapons are.
}Mach 3, or about 1000m/s, is about right for most major rifle/cannon calibers, and is about the same as .50 BMG.
[There's also her totally custom 17mm rounds.
} 25x59mm
}www.smallarmsreview.com/pdf/payload.pdf reports ballistic coefficient inferior to .50 BMG - for a short round, that makes sense. I'll assume Nodoka's is equal to a .510" Hornady 750gr A-Max. (http://www.varminthunters.com/tech/vmax.html) for 1.05
}Using http://www.eskimo.com/~jbm/calculations/traj/traj.html for calculations.
}Range from Sveltana to Usagi, first round, ~1500 yards. Range from Morgan to Sveltana, first round, >2000 meters.
}Let's assume by some miracle the wind averages out to only 10km/hr at a 45 degree angle, and the scope is zeroed at 1500 yards
}2000 yards: velocity at target is down to 502m/s, flight time of 2.5 seconds, and the round dropped 30 feet in the last 500 yards. The light wind assumed also blew the round 5 feet.
}Range from Morgan to Sveltana, second round, 3500 meters. Reported time of flight, 3 seconds. Reported muzzle velocity, Mach 3 (~900m/s - we won't bother with atmosphereic pressure and temperature)
}This calculator doesn't go beyond 3000 yards, but at only 3000 yards range, velocity is down to 349m/s, flight time is 4.8 seconds, and the bullet dropped 183 feet from where it was at 1500 yards. The light wind assumed blew the bullet 13 feet. The bullet also dropped some 70 MOA, which is at or near the limit of almost all scopes capability to adjust. Much more importantly, in another few yards, the bullet goes subsonic, almost certainly tumbles, and is therefore inaccurate - once your bullet drops through the sound barrier, you're accuracy is gone.
Use the links, play with the numbers, or search for 'external ballistics' for other calculators.
[Well we are talking about Morgan's weapon here. And while a M2 has been used in a sharp shooter role.
[It's better for Morgan to use a purpose built sharpshooter weapon, which has better accuracy. Key for her role.
[And speaking of the Ma-Deuce. Morrison was using that weapon, and length not weight was why she did not like it.
[Which is similar in weight to those cannon.
}The M2 machine gun is about or under half the weight of the cannon - kg vs. pounds
, I suspect.
}Yes, a purpose built weapons is better for a sniper - but the round selection could have been more to their advantage.
}Note that there's a massive difference here between vehicular and human rounds. The 25x59mm likely has a ~40 gram projectile. The 30x165mm projectiles are in the ~400 gram range, and as I recall, the HEI round for the 30x165mm has about 48 grams of filler (explosive + incendiary). 30x165mm are still in the 900m/s ballpark, until you get into the APDS and aftermarket rounds, which can be higher, I believe.
[Now succubae can carry such cannon, but the concern is that the kick would nock them off their feet, and the succubae would have to go prone to use them. Which doesn't totally negate their use.
[Morrison being able to stand while using an M2 is "almost" possible, a larger weapon and not at all.
}Sitting position, perhaps. And prone only is just fine for a sniper weapon.
}A good point about recoil - momentum is always, always conserved.
[the M2 is also not ideal for her. An XM312 or XM307 may be better.
[Or the 17mm weapon that Nodoka is having built.
[But the M2 is what they had and it was relatively easy to modify for use.
[Strength is one factor, build and ergonomics are another.
[That's why the planned design is a 17mm in a bullpup configuration to make a more compact weapon better suited for urban warfare.
[Those vehicle-borne weapons are a bit under 2m in length.
[Morgan is okay with a long gun given her role (1.57m long), and as stated a vehicle type weapon isn't quite right for her role.
[Yes, succubae are designed to carry prey or young when flying. A rough statistic is they can carry another grown person with... trouble. See the chapter where each succubus took another person out with them when their helicopter was hit.
}Ok, so the vehicle cannon would be in the 'trouble' range, while the 25x59 is in the 'child-weight' range.
[Like any other flying thing, saving even a bit of weight helps. Though it's less load and more mobility.
}Makes sense.
[With most things a more powerful succubus can do more, and age roughly correlates to power.
[Not sure if conversion has an influence here.
[That's it to a T.
[Succubae are more agile and maneuverable, and bulkier armor negates that.
[
}Bulk I can see.
} v3a comments:
}still has the 'from the heavens'
}'Pulling the trigger, Morgan frowned, preferring to take the sniper herself.' - 'and would have preferred to take...' - preferring implies she's shooting at the moving sniper at 2km, which is insane, instead of at the still spotter, which is merely improbable.
}'The enemy rifle was not invincible, a thick titanium sphere within an armored chest, was protection enough.' - Well, the second comma should be removed, and this makes little sense - Ivanova, at least, didn't have such armor. Side note: steel was still better armor than titanium alloys at the time thickness for thickness. Titanium had weight and corrosion advantages, which would make sense for a cyborg.
}I don't think Sveltana's return fire was delayed solely by the sound of the shot - she'd gone down a floor, which takes several seconds, and that was after she'd heard the shot. Thus, Morgan can't logically determine that isn't sound based, as opposed to a cautious change of position, with solely timing data.
}'while decoding the electromagnetic broadcasts was one level of advanced technology but monitoring every single landline was another.' - 'technology, monitoring'
}'A thick blue beam arced out,' - arced? On a curve?
}So, at 3.5km away, why was Morgan by far the closest? That seems... odd, given how many succubae there are around, not even counting Company troops.
-
Nadrek
Posts: 103
by Sunshine Temple » Tue Apr 15, 2008 8:30 pm
Nadrek
WARNING: This post contains technical weapons discussion, including basic physics. If that's not your cup of tea, please move down to '} v3a comments:', at the end.
>>>[Okay.
>>>[Should I make it clearer and say the limits of man-portable gunpowder technology?
}Probably not - the Russian assassins carry what I would consider a vehicular level weapon (destroying entire rooms inside buildings), but don't appear to think on those levels. Another argument for them being NKVD/KGB, and not military (well, maybe GRU) - they're assassins, not soldiers.
[Well they were military. So that may not work.
>>>[And Morgan's gun is a stronger barrel and an increased strength to the 25mm charge.
>>>[I mean That is an increase in there and is not a very small base.
>>>[I could emphasize that Nodoka modified the base 25mm design, I do have it specified at about mach 3 in velocity.
>>>[Which itself is a modification of a 0.50in design, using a round designed for heavy machine guns originally.
}While the weapon might be, the 25mm round, in specific, is not a modified 12.5mm. I don't believe that makes sense, as the 12.5mm brass is (unreliably) less than 21mm in diameter to begin with. Most modified (wildcat) rounds with larger diameter are a necked case (like the .50 BMG) with the neck cut off to make a straight walled case. When you start changing base diameter, you're not modifying anymore - you might as well then say it's based on a 9mm or a .380 auto or every other similar case ever made. The M2 Browning was also specifically not a sniper weapon. A Barret light .50 and some other weapons are.
[I never said the ammunition was.
}Mach 3, or about 1000m/s, is about right for most major rifle/cannon calibers, and is about the same as .50 BMG.
[Yes and?
>>>[There's also her totally custom 17mm rounds.
} 25x59mm
}www.smallarmsreview.com/pdf/payload.pdf reports ballistic coefficient inferior to .50 BMG - for a short round, that makes sense. I'll assume Nodoka's is equal to a .510" Hornady 750gr A-Max. (http://www.varminthunters.com/tech/vmax.html) for 1.05
}Using http://www.eskimo.com/~jbm/calculations/traj/traj.html for calculations.
}Range from Sveltana to Usagi, first round, ~1500 yards. Range from Morgan to Sveltana, first round, >2000 meters.
}Let's assume by some miracle the wind averages out to only 10km/hr at a 45 degree angle, and the scope is zeroed at 1500 yards
}2000 yards: velocity at target is down to 502m/s, flight time of 2.5 seconds, and the round dropped 30 feet in the last 500 yards. The light wind assumed also blew the round 5 feet.
}Range from Morgan to Sveltana, second round, 3500 meters. Reported time of flight, 3 seconds. Reported muzzle velocity, Mach 3 (~900m/s - we won't bother with atmosphereic pressure and temperature)
}This calculator doesn't go beyond 3000 yards, but at only 3000 yards range, velocity is down to 349m/s, flight time is 4.8 seconds, and the bullet dropped 183 feet from where it was at 1500 yards. The light wind assumed blew the bullet 13 feet. The bullet also dropped some 70 MOA, which is at or near the limit of almost all scopes capability to adjust. Much more importantly, in another few yards, the bullet goes subsonic, almost certainly tumbles, and is therefore inaccurate - once your bullet drops through the sound barrier, you're accuracy is gone.
Use the links, play with the numbers, or search for 'external ballistics' for other calculators.
[Why?
[You're completely wrong on the bullet.
[It isn't necked down to 50.
[Morgan's gun is based on an actual 25mm sniper rifle.
[that 25mm is the actual diameter of the bullet itself.
>>>[Well we are talking about Morgan's weapon here. And while a M2 has been used in a sharp shooter role.
>>>[It's better for Morgan to use a purpose built sharpshooter weapon, which has better accuracy. Key for her role.
>>>[And speaking of the Ma-Deuce. Morrison was using that weapon, and length not weight was why she did not like it.
>>>[Which is similar in weight to those cannon.
}The M2 machine gun is about or under half the weight of the cannon - kg vs. pounds , I suspect.
[I didn't say it was the same weight.
[my point was that it was a lighter weapon.
}Yes, a purpose built weapons is better for a sniper - but the round selection could have been more to their advantage.
[Then if this conversation is about a weapon for Morgan it is moot.
}Note that there's a massive difference here between vehicular and human rounds. The 25x59mm likely has a ~40 gram projectile. The 30x165mm projectiles are in the ~400 gram range, and as I recall, the HEI round for the 30x165mm has about 48 grams of filler (explosive + incendiary). 30x165mm are still in the 900m/s ballpark, until you get into the APDS and aftermarket rounds, which can be higher, I believe.
[Actually From the site detailing info on the XM-109
[[
The centerpiece of the XM-109 system is the 25mm HEDP ammunition it fires. A scaled down derivative of the low velocity 30mm HEDP M789 ammunition fired by the AH-64 Apache attack helicopter, the MX-109's 25mm ammunition has been judged to be 2.5 times more effective at destroying targets than a .50 caliber armor-piercing round. It is expected that this ammunition can penetrate nearly 40mm (an inch and a half) of armor plating at 500 meters, or blast open doors from around the corner. In other words, it gives the Soldier breaching capability on fortified positions, while minimizing exposure to enemy fire, thanks to its effectiveness at greater distances.
]]
[So again. I have no idea what you're trying to say.
>>>[Now succubae can carry such cannon, but the concern is that the kick would nock them off their feet, and the succubae would have to go prone to use them. Which doesn't totally negate their use.
>>>[Morrison being able to stand while using an M2 is "almost" possible, a larger weapon and not at all.
}Sitting position, perhaps. And prone only is just fine for a sniper weapon.
}A good point about recoil - momentum is always, always conserved.
[Again. Morgan would be using a purpose built sniper weapon.
[You're clinging into that idea like a terrier
>>>[the M2 is also not ideal for her. An XM312 or XM307 may be better.
>>>[Or the 17mm weapon that Nodoka is having built.
>>>[But the M2 is what they had and it was relatively easy to modify for use.
>>>[Strength is one factor, build and ergonomics are another.
>>>[That's why the planned design is a 17mm in a bullpup configuration to make a more compact weapon better suited for urban warfare.
>>>[Those vehicle-borne weapons are a bit under 2m in length.
>>>[Morgan is okay with a long gun given her role (1.57m long), and as stated a vehicle type weapon isn't quite right for her role.
>>>[Yes, succubae are designed to carry prey or young when flying. A rough statistic is they can carry another grown person with... trouble. See the chapter where each succubus took another person out with them when their helicopter was hit.
}Ok, so the vehicle cannon would be in the 'trouble' range, while the 25x59 is in the 'child-weight' range.
[Child weight?
>>>[Like any other flying thing, saving even a bit of weight helps. Though it's less load and more mobility.
}Makes sense.
>>>[With most things a more powerful succubus can do more, and age roughly correlates to power.
>>>[Not sure if conversion has an influence here.
>>>[That's it to a T.
>>>[Succubae are more agile and maneuverable, and bulkier armor negates that.
>>>[
}Bulk I can see.
[Bulk and weight are connected by density
} v3a comments:
}still has the 'from the heavens'
[huh
}'Pulling the trigger, Morgan frowned, preferring to take the sniper herself.' - 'and would have preferred to take...' - preferring implies she's shooting at the moving sniper at 2km, which is insane, instead of at the still spotter, which is merely improbable.
[No... it doesn't imply that.
[As you said Svetlana is already out of sight, so not a viable shot.
}'The enemy rifle was not invincible, a thick titanium sphere within an armored chest, was protection enough.' - Well, the second comma should be removed, and this makes little sense - Ivanova, at least, didn't have such armor. Side note: steel was still better armor than titanium alloys at the time thickness for thickness. Titanium had weight and corrosion advantages, which would make sense for a cyborg.
[Yes.
}I don't think Sveltana's return fire was delayed solely by the sound of the shot - she'd gone down a floor, which takes several seconds, and that was after she'd heard the shot. Thus, Morgan can't logically determine that isn't sound based, as opposed to a cautious change of position, with solely timing data.
[For which instant? I'm pretty sure Svetlana was on the ground before she heard the shot.
}'while decoding the electromagnetic broadcasts was one level of advanced technology but monitoring every single landline was another.' - 'technology, monitoring'
[ok
}'A thick blue beam arced out,' - arced? On a curve?
[hmm shot out.
}So, at 3.5km away, why was Morgan by far the closest? That seems... odd, given how many succubae there are around, not even counting Company troops.
[Why?
[They could have sent a succubus out a few kilometers in every direction from the start.
[But splitting up their forces like that could have opened them up to being picked off.
WARNING: This post contains technical weapons discussion, including basic physics. If that's not your cup of tea, please move down to '} v3a comments:', at the end.
>>>[Okay.
>>>[Should I make it clearer and say the limits of man-portable gunpowder technology?
}Probably not - the Russian assassins carry what I would consider a vehicular level weapon (destroying entire rooms inside buildings), but don't appear to think on those levels. Another argument for them being NKVD/KGB, and not military (well, maybe GRU) - they're assassins, not soldiers.
[Well they were military. So that may not work.
>>>[And Morgan's gun is a stronger barrel and an increased strength to the 25mm charge.
>>>[I mean That is an increase in there and is not a very small base.
>>>[I could emphasize that Nodoka modified the base 25mm design, I do have it specified at about mach 3 in velocity.
>>>[Which itself is a modification of a 0.50in design, using a round designed for heavy machine guns originally.
}While the weapon might be, the 25mm round, in specific, is not a modified 12.5mm. I don't believe that makes sense, as the 12.5mm brass is (unreliably) less than 21mm in diameter to begin with. Most modified (wildcat) rounds with larger diameter are a necked case (like the .50 BMG) with the neck cut off to make a straight walled case. When you start changing base diameter, you're not modifying anymore - you might as well then say it's based on a 9mm or a .380 auto or every other similar case ever made. The M2 Browning was also specifically not a sniper weapon. A Barret light .50 and some other weapons are.
[I never said the ammunition was.
}Mach 3, or about 1000m/s, is about right for most major rifle/cannon calibers, and is about the same as .50 BMG.
[Yes and?
>>>[There's also her totally custom 17mm rounds.
} 25x59mm
}www.smallarmsreview.com/pdf/payload.pdf reports ballistic coefficient inferior to .50 BMG - for a short round, that makes sense. I'll assume Nodoka's is equal to a .510" Hornady 750gr A-Max. (http://www.varminthunters.com/tech/vmax.html) for 1.05
}Using http://www.eskimo.com/~jbm/calculations/traj/traj.html for calculations.
}Range from Sveltana to Usagi, first round, ~1500 yards. Range from Morgan to Sveltana, first round, >2000 meters.
}Let's assume by some miracle the wind averages out to only 10km/hr at a 45 degree angle, and the scope is zeroed at 1500 yards
}2000 yards: velocity at target is down to 502m/s, flight time of 2.5 seconds, and the round dropped 30 feet in the last 500 yards. The light wind assumed also blew the round 5 feet.
}Range from Morgan to Sveltana, second round, 3500 meters. Reported time of flight, 3 seconds. Reported muzzle velocity, Mach 3 (~900m/s - we won't bother with atmosphereic pressure and temperature)
}This calculator doesn't go beyond 3000 yards, but at only 3000 yards range, velocity is down to 349m/s, flight time is 4.8 seconds, and the bullet dropped 183 feet from where it was at 1500 yards. The light wind assumed blew the bullet 13 feet. The bullet also dropped some 70 MOA, which is at or near the limit of almost all scopes capability to adjust. Much more importantly, in another few yards, the bullet goes subsonic, almost certainly tumbles, and is therefore inaccurate - once your bullet drops through the sound barrier, you're accuracy is gone.
Use the links, play with the numbers, or search for 'external ballistics' for other calculators.
[Why?
[You're completely wrong on the bullet.
[It isn't necked down to 50.
[Morgan's gun is based on an actual 25mm sniper rifle.
[that 25mm is the actual diameter of the bullet itself.
>>>[Well we are talking about Morgan's weapon here. And while a M2 has been used in a sharp shooter role.
>>>[It's better for Morgan to use a purpose built sharpshooter weapon, which has better accuracy. Key for her role.
>>>[And speaking of the Ma-Deuce. Morrison was using that weapon, and length not weight was why she did not like it.
>>>[Which is similar in weight to those cannon.
}The M2 machine gun is about or under half the weight of the cannon - kg vs. pounds , I suspect.
[I didn't say it was the same weight.
[my point was that it was a lighter weapon.
}Yes, a purpose built weapons is better for a sniper - but the round selection could have been more to their advantage.
[Then if this conversation is about a weapon for Morgan it is moot.
}Note that there's a massive difference here between vehicular and human rounds. The 25x59mm likely has a ~40 gram projectile. The 30x165mm projectiles are in the ~400 gram range, and as I recall, the HEI round for the 30x165mm has about 48 grams of filler (explosive + incendiary). 30x165mm are still in the 900m/s ballpark, until you get into the APDS and aftermarket rounds, which can be higher, I believe.
[Actually From the site detailing info on the XM-109
[[
The centerpiece of the XM-109 system is the 25mm HEDP ammunition it fires. A scaled down derivative of the low velocity 30mm HEDP M789 ammunition fired by the AH-64 Apache attack helicopter, the MX-109's 25mm ammunition has been judged to be 2.5 times more effective at destroying targets than a .50 caliber armor-piercing round. It is expected that this ammunition can penetrate nearly 40mm (an inch and a half) of armor plating at 500 meters, or blast open doors from around the corner. In other words, it gives the Soldier breaching capability on fortified positions, while minimizing exposure to enemy fire, thanks to its effectiveness at greater distances.
]]
[So again. I have no idea what you're trying to say.
>>>[Now succubae can carry such cannon, but the concern is that the kick would nock them off their feet, and the succubae would have to go prone to use them. Which doesn't totally negate their use.
>>>[Morrison being able to stand while using an M2 is "almost" possible, a larger weapon and not at all.
}Sitting position, perhaps. And prone only is just fine for a sniper weapon.
}A good point about recoil - momentum is always, always conserved.
[Again. Morgan would be using a purpose built sniper weapon.
[You're clinging into that idea like a terrier
>>>[the M2 is also not ideal for her. An XM312 or XM307 may be better.
>>>[Or the 17mm weapon that Nodoka is having built.
>>>[But the M2 is what they had and it was relatively easy to modify for use.
>>>[Strength is one factor, build and ergonomics are another.
>>>[That's why the planned design is a 17mm in a bullpup configuration to make a more compact weapon better suited for urban warfare.
>>>[Those vehicle-borne weapons are a bit under 2m in length.
>>>[Morgan is okay with a long gun given her role (1.57m long), and as stated a vehicle type weapon isn't quite right for her role.
>>>[Yes, succubae are designed to carry prey or young when flying. A rough statistic is they can carry another grown person with... trouble. See the chapter where each succubus took another person out with them when their helicopter was hit.
}Ok, so the vehicle cannon would be in the 'trouble' range, while the 25x59 is in the 'child-weight' range.
[Child weight?
>>>[Like any other flying thing, saving even a bit of weight helps. Though it's less load and more mobility.
}Makes sense.
>>>[With most things a more powerful succubus can do more, and age roughly correlates to power.
>>>[Not sure if conversion has an influence here.
>>>[That's it to a T.
>>>[Succubae are more agile and maneuverable, and bulkier armor negates that.
>>>[
}Bulk I can see.
[Bulk and weight are connected by density
} v3a comments:
}still has the 'from the heavens'
[huh
}'Pulling the trigger, Morgan frowned, preferring to take the sniper herself.' - 'and would have preferred to take...' - preferring implies she's shooting at the moving sniper at 2km, which is insane, instead of at the still spotter, which is merely improbable.
[No... it doesn't imply that.
[As you said Svetlana is already out of sight, so not a viable shot.
}'The enemy rifle was not invincible, a thick titanium sphere within an armored chest, was protection enough.' - Well, the second comma should be removed, and this makes little sense - Ivanova, at least, didn't have such armor. Side note: steel was still better armor than titanium alloys at the time thickness for thickness. Titanium had weight and corrosion advantages, which would make sense for a cyborg.
[Yes.
}I don't think Sveltana's return fire was delayed solely by the sound of the shot - she'd gone down a floor, which takes several seconds, and that was after she'd heard the shot. Thus, Morgan can't logically determine that isn't sound based, as opposed to a cautious change of position, with solely timing data.
[For which instant? I'm pretty sure Svetlana was on the ground before she heard the shot.
}'while decoding the electromagnetic broadcasts was one level of advanced technology but monitoring every single landline was another.' - 'technology, monitoring'
[ok
}'A thick blue beam arced out,' - arced? On a curve?
[hmm shot out.
}So, at 3.5km away, why was Morgan by far the closest? That seems... odd, given how many succubae there are around, not even counting Company troops.
[Why?
[They could have sent a succubus out a few kilometers in every direction from the start.
[But splitting up their forces like that could have opened them up to being picked off.
-
Sunshine Temple
Posts: 2139
Small continuity error
by khim » Mon Apr 21, 2008 11:46 am
Chapter 20:
Chapter 21:
Something does not add up: first Sam is surprised that Sunny can fly and Naoko accepts it at face value, then Naoko is surprised. Plus it all is part of one conversation!
"Well, we don't just fight demons. Pretty much any supernatural or secret organization, but it makes a lot of sense to use succubae. We're strong, fast, heal really quick, great sense of smell, can see in the dark, and there's the flying."
"You can fly?" Sam asked her eyes twinkling.
"What's a demon without wings? Of course she can fly. That makes sense. Good reasons to use demonic super soldiers. So, who's that blonde woman? Your handler? She's gotta be government."
Chapter 21:
"Welcome to the fun world of succubae. Sure we can fly and look great, but we're also sexually dependent violent killers that can be dominated and warped by our mothers."
"Why not just reset them back?"
"Wait, you can fly?" Naoko interrupted.
Ranma blinked. "Well, yeah. Big wings and all."
Something does not add up: first Sam is surprised that Sunny can fly and Naoko accepts it at face value, then Naoko is surprised. Plus it all is part of one conversation!
-
khim
Posts: 60
by Sunshine Temple » Mon Apr 21, 2008 4:46 pm
khim
Chapter 20:
Chapter 21:
Something does not add up: first Sam is surprised that Sunny can fly and Naoko accepts it at face value, then Naoko is surprised. Plus it all is part of one conversation!
[Yah that is a continuity error. Good catch.
[This revision should work
[[
"Why not just reset them back?"
"So what are these wings like? Leathery? Big? Feathers" Naoko interrupted.
Ranma blinked. "No feathers. Well, they're large enough to fly with.."
"That's so cool! Can we see?"
"Not here, but I know a place."
]]
[I've also decided that this is the best way to reply to the c&c on ff.net.
[Their system does not allow me to reply back in an elegant way, their PM system is a real pain, and they don't allow much public reply either.
[I apologize for the delay in responding to these.
From: brindani ( http://www.fanfiction.net/u/543772/ )
Reply URL: http://www.fanfiction.net/secure/review ... d=65405301
-------------------
Quite the chapter. I was a little leery when a summary of the creation of
the succubii took up such a large section of the story, but things really
turned around after that. Ami's on the ropes and the situation has become
almost humorous. You've managed to set the stage for Usagi and Ami in her
darkened state to work together against these latest assassins. I find the
thought highly ironic.
[Ami's problems do have a macabre humor to them
Its somewhat of a shame that Minako is still to some extent a dark senchi,
but it appears she has realized that by playing straight, she provides more
benefit to her goal then she would by acting contrary. I can't imagine she is
too pleased with Ami after the little ordeal she went through either.
[Is she?
[Setsuna seems to be okay with her.
As for Pluto, hm, based off of earlier chapters and her complete lack of
control, I'm not sure seeing her as a true monster is possible quite yet.
Then again, it could also be chocked up to Murdock being just that much better
at what he does. In any form, it should be quite interesting to see how that
develops.
[Just because you're a monster doesn't mean you have total control.
I'm a little concerned about the characters you've created yourself. In this
instance, Eve drastic changes. It feels like the personality that existed
before has been nearly completely erased. That makes for little difference
between taking one character completely out of the picture and replacing it
with the Succumbs equivalent.
This concern may be completely groundless as well. The overt femininity
displayed can be attributed to the intense succumbs power serge she just went
through. It just felt like the changes where going to be more permanent
despite cooberating instances.
[It is mostly the surge.
The same thing can be said to apply to Ranma as the martial artist we all
know simply doesn't exist at this stage. In his case, however, you have a
very detailed transition of various events that evolved his mentality to what
it is currently. It just felt that Eve's progression took place in heavy fast
forward.
[Eve has also been shifting before this chapter too.
[But yes, over time Ranma has slowly but significantly changed.
Okay, I'm sure by now that you are tired of my ramblings so I'll leave off
here.
Oh, did I mention? Excellent work,
[Thank you, and thanks for reviewing.
brindani
From: Trellheim (king_bahamuth@yahoo.es)
-------------------
Why? Why another subplot? Just when I thought I had it all nicely figured,
Minako and Setsuna go to have their own nice conspiration... manipulating
everyone in the process. You're making my head spin, you're making me dizzy,
you're making... one of the best fanfictions I've ever read.
All of it makes me wonder what do you have planned for Makoto. You see, she's
one of my favourite senshi, and she has been having quite a little time under
the spotlight, so I'm sort of expecting a sudden turn where we discover she
was the real manipulator all along (well, not as radical, but I even thought
she was a candidate for a secret demonic-makeover... on her own initiative,
throwing everyone).
[Heh thank you.
[Well the cyborg assassin subplot had been simmering for a few chapters.
Well, keep the good work. I'll be waiting impatiently for the next part.
From: Coengar2 ( http://www.fanfiction.net/u/1194065/ )
Reply URL: http://www.fanfiction.net/secure/review ... d=65425355
-------------------
Nice to finally see a new chapter in what is one of my favorite stories on
this site.
My only concern is that you may have TOO many plot threads running, what with
succubus, paramilitary groups, senshi, cyborg assassins, mercury turning evil,
whatever converted mercury to the darkside in the first place, you see what i
mean. I think this story may be in danger of tangling itself up in plot
threads and strangling itself.
[I've planned it enough to help stave that off.
[But making sure the story when written is still clear is something I'm concerned about and working on.
Personally, i'm betting that if BlackSky isnt the great evil behind it all,
she knows what is and has been preparing DarkStar to face it. I figure that
Alexis was just a test to see how much succubus was in DarkStar after her
rebirth. Now she leads a brood of demonic senshi, is becoming more accepting
of who she is and of her nature and has even created a sister who is spawning
a brood of her own consisting so far of militarily trained agents.
[BlackSky has been around for a long time.
[And yes, things are working out rather well for her.
[Though BlackSky hasn't visited since Eve's come about.
In my opinion, mercury is just a pawn, a distraction even, either she's being
used to cause Usagi to toughen up and become the leader she is meant to be or
mercury is meant to distract everyone until the true evil appears.
Either way, i love this story and i can't wait to read more, i just wish it
wasn't so long between chapter releases. LOL
[Thak you. I'm trying to write more, but you know how things go.
From: tatewaki2000 ( http://www.fanfiction.net/u/1200383/ )
Reply URL: http://www.fanfiction.net/secure/review ... d=65433438
-------------------
A fantastic fic. I love ranma/sm crossovers and always knew how popular this
fic was. But for some reason I could never get past chapter 1 until my recent
seventh attempt. lol.
[Well, I'm glad you did.
The story gets really complicated and confusing with the additional OCs;
however, I LOVED the wide range of twists and turns the plot had. Whenever I
would wonder why I was reading the fic would suddenly blindside me with a
major plotwist.
[Thanks.
[That's what I really like about writing this, it takes care to keep all the characters and plots straight but it pays off with how the story is going.
A very thrilling and original story to read.
[Why thank you.
I'm a huge fan of Strained Harmony and this fic, The Return, is a very nice
contrast. The complexity of this fic really makes your mind whirl. @.@
[Thanks, yes the tones are different.
[[Have uploaded latest revision Version 3b
Chapter 20:
"Well, we don't just fight demons. Pretty much any supernatural or secret organization, but it makes a lot of sense to use succubae. We're strong, fast, heal really quick, great sense of smell, can see in the dark, and there's the flying."
"You can fly?" Sam asked her eyes twinkling.
"What's a demon without wings? Of course she can fly. That makes sense. Good reasons to use demonic super soldiers. So, who's that blonde woman? Your handler? She's gotta be government."
Chapter 21:
"Welcome to the fun world of succubae. Sure we can fly and look great, but we're also sexually dependent violent killers that can be dominated and warped by our mothers."
"Why not just reset them back?"
"Wait, you can fly?" Naoko interrupted.
Ranma blinked. "Well, yeah. Big wings and all."
Something does not add up: first Sam is surprised that Sunny can fly and Naoko accepts it at face value, then Naoko is surprised. Plus it all is part of one conversation!
[Yah that is a continuity error. Good catch.
[This revision should work
[[
"Why not just reset them back?"
"So what are these wings like? Leathery? Big? Feathers" Naoko interrupted.
Ranma blinked. "No feathers. Well, they're large enough to fly with.."
"That's so cool! Can we see?"
"Not here, but I know a place."
]]
[I've also decided that this is the best way to reply to the c&c on ff.net.
[Their system does not allow me to reply back in an elegant way, their PM system is a real pain, and they don't allow much public reply either.
[I apologize for the delay in responding to these.
From: brindani ( http://www.fanfiction.net/u/543772/ )
Reply URL: http://www.fanfiction.net/secure/review ... d=65405301
-------------------
Quite the chapter. I was a little leery when a summary of the creation of
the succubii took up such a large section of the story, but things really
turned around after that. Ami's on the ropes and the situation has become
almost humorous. You've managed to set the stage for Usagi and Ami in her
darkened state to work together against these latest assassins. I find the
thought highly ironic.
[Ami's problems do have a macabre humor to them
Its somewhat of a shame that Minako is still to some extent a dark senchi,
but it appears she has realized that by playing straight, she provides more
benefit to her goal then she would by acting contrary. I can't imagine she is
too pleased with Ami after the little ordeal she went through either.
[Is she?
[Setsuna seems to be okay with her.
As for Pluto, hm, based off of earlier chapters and her complete lack of
control, I'm not sure seeing her as a true monster is possible quite yet.
Then again, it could also be chocked up to Murdock being just that much better
at what he does. In any form, it should be quite interesting to see how that
develops.
[Just because you're a monster doesn't mean you have total control.
I'm a little concerned about the characters you've created yourself. In this
instance, Eve drastic changes. It feels like the personality that existed
before has been nearly completely erased. That makes for little difference
between taking one character completely out of the picture and replacing it
with the Succumbs equivalent.
This concern may be completely groundless as well. The overt femininity
displayed can be attributed to the intense succumbs power serge she just went
through. It just felt like the changes where going to be more permanent
despite cooberating instances.
[It is mostly the surge.
The same thing can be said to apply to Ranma as the martial artist we all
know simply doesn't exist at this stage. In his case, however, you have a
very detailed transition of various events that evolved his mentality to what
it is currently. It just felt that Eve's progression took place in heavy fast
forward.
[Eve has also been shifting before this chapter too.
[But yes, over time Ranma has slowly but significantly changed.
Okay, I'm sure by now that you are tired of my ramblings so I'll leave off
here.
Oh, did I mention? Excellent work,
[Thank you, and thanks for reviewing.
brindani
From: Trellheim (king_bahamuth@yahoo.es)
-------------------
Why? Why another subplot? Just when I thought I had it all nicely figured,
Minako and Setsuna go to have their own nice conspiration... manipulating
everyone in the process. You're making my head spin, you're making me dizzy,
you're making... one of the best fanfictions I've ever read.
All of it makes me wonder what do you have planned for Makoto. You see, she's
one of my favourite senshi, and she has been having quite a little time under
the spotlight, so I'm sort of expecting a sudden turn where we discover she
was the real manipulator all along (well, not as radical, but I even thought
she was a candidate for a secret demonic-makeover... on her own initiative,
throwing everyone).
[Heh thank you.
[Well the cyborg assassin subplot had been simmering for a few chapters.
Well, keep the good work. I'll be waiting impatiently for the next part.
From: Coengar2 ( http://www.fanfiction.net/u/1194065/ )
Reply URL: http://www.fanfiction.net/secure/review ... d=65425355
-------------------
Nice to finally see a new chapter in what is one of my favorite stories on
this site.
My only concern is that you may have TOO many plot threads running, what with
succubus, paramilitary groups, senshi, cyborg assassins, mercury turning evil,
whatever converted mercury to the darkside in the first place, you see what i
mean. I think this story may be in danger of tangling itself up in plot
threads and strangling itself.
[I've planned it enough to help stave that off.
[But making sure the story when written is still clear is something I'm concerned about and working on.
Personally, i'm betting that if BlackSky isnt the great evil behind it all,
she knows what is and has been preparing DarkStar to face it. I figure that
Alexis was just a test to see how much succubus was in DarkStar after her
rebirth. Now she leads a brood of demonic senshi, is becoming more accepting
of who she is and of her nature and has even created a sister who is spawning
a brood of her own consisting so far of militarily trained agents.
[BlackSky has been around for a long time.
[And yes, things are working out rather well for her.
[Though BlackSky hasn't visited since Eve's come about.
In my opinion, mercury is just a pawn, a distraction even, either she's being
used to cause Usagi to toughen up and become the leader she is meant to be or
mercury is meant to distract everyone until the true evil appears.
Either way, i love this story and i can't wait to read more, i just wish it
wasn't so long between chapter releases. LOL
[Thak you. I'm trying to write more, but you know how things go.
From: tatewaki2000 ( http://www.fanfiction.net/u/1200383/ )
Reply URL: http://www.fanfiction.net/secure/review ... d=65433438
-------------------
A fantastic fic. I love ranma/sm crossovers and always knew how popular this
fic was. But for some reason I could never get past chapter 1 until my recent
seventh attempt. lol.
[Well, I'm glad you did.
The story gets really complicated and confusing with the additional OCs;
however, I LOVED the wide range of twists and turns the plot had. Whenever I
would wonder why I was reading the fic would suddenly blindside me with a
major plotwist.
[Thanks.
[That's what I really like about writing this, it takes care to keep all the characters and plots straight but it pays off with how the story is going.
A very thrilling and original story to read.
[Why thank you.
I'm a huge fan of Strained Harmony and this fic, The Return, is a very nice
contrast. The complexity of this fic really makes your mind whirl. @.@
[Thanks, yes the tones are different.
[[Have uploaded latest revision Version 3b
-
Sunshine Temple
Posts: 2139
by Sunshine Temple » Fri Apr 25, 2008 11:24 pm
From: The 17th Immortal ( http://www.fanfiction.net/u/500827/ )
Reply URL: http://www.fanfiction.net/secure/review ... d=65886598
-------------------
This is really good stuff. Just when you think you've got things figured out,
a whole other level of detail makes itself known that throws your entire
theory for a complete loop.
[Excellent.
[So what made your current theory get tossed into a loop?
Minako is becoming what Setsuna is now, isn't she? Or at least close enough
to count for purposes.
[Maybe Setsuna just knows what Minako is now.
And are they even still human in the conventional sense, on top of everything
else? We already know that human genetics aren't an absolute requirement for
Senshihood – just look at DarkStar – so just how far is Akumi actually
willing to push this?
[That depends on how important Akumi's goals are.
[And what she's willing to do to get it.
And by "conventional" I mean, can they be considered human in the same way
that humans are considered primates?
[Heh
[Nice questions, I really like to see people puzzling over what the characters are up to.
Reply URL: http://www.fanfiction.net/secure/review ... d=65886598
-------------------
This is really good stuff. Just when you think you've got things figured out,
a whole other level of detail makes itself known that throws your entire
theory for a complete loop.
[Excellent.
[So what made your current theory get tossed into a loop?
Minako is becoming what Setsuna is now, isn't she? Or at least close enough
to count for purposes.
[Maybe Setsuna just knows what Minako is now.
And are they even still human in the conventional sense, on top of everything
else? We already know that human genetics aren't an absolute requirement for
Senshihood – just look at DarkStar – so just how far is Akumi actually
willing to push this?
[That depends on how important Akumi's goals are.
[And what she's willing to do to get it.
And by "conventional" I mean, can they be considered human in the same way
that humans are considered primates?
[Heh
[Nice questions, I really like to see people puzzling over what the characters are up to.
-
Sunshine Temple
Posts: 2139
42 posts
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