What you wish for chapter 2

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Re: What you wish for chapter 2

Postby Spokavriel » Thu Jun 17, 2010 11:10 am

Thankyou. I really wish they didn't insist on making you buy a subscription to DL. I lack the means to do so even if it were 1¢ per page.
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Re: What you wish for chapter 2

Postby frice2000 » Thu Jun 17, 2010 12:23 pm

This'll do much the same thing for no cost: DomDomSoft Manga Downloader >.> (select MangaToshokan from the list and you'll find most of them there pretty easy program to use). It does it from other manga download/web hosting sites but it works well. Give that a shot. There is a paid version of that program but it's not at all really needed the free version does pretty much everything but letting you queue it to download new stuff as its uploaded and lets you download stuff in a more controlled manner.
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Re: What you wish for chapter 2

Postby LawOhki » Thu Nov 11, 2010 12:25 am

The school day ended with the only conflict being Kuno deciding to charge in during clean up to proclaim that he had joined the Yakuza and forced Akane and the pigtailed girl to do the same. He assumed that Nabiki had given out that tidbit of information about his cursed form. Thankfully no one else bothered him or Akane about the tattoos.

Mara ended up inviting herself to dinner, just like she continued to invite herself for anything and everything. Ranma was actually having trouble figuring out what her deal was. There had been brief moments where he found the Demoness to be tolerable or even likeable, like when they had been plotting on how to get back at Happosai. Who, now that Ranma thought about it, was strangely absent. Like Happosai, Mara was being rather annoying, like at the moment she was trying to explain to Akane how to do something, and the new Demon was having the same success she had at cooking.

Retiring to the dojo after dinner to wait for Urd, he sat down in a cross legged position to try and meditate for a bit. Looking at the wall out of the corner of his eye, he noticed the faint outline of the pattern he had been drawing yesterday. It was strange but it didn’t even seem like the symbol was there and that he was just seeing an image projected on it. Before he could begin trying to center himself, Kagami opened the door, and paused briefly to glance back briefly before closing the door behind her.

“Something up?” He asked.

“I keep bumping into Mara and she-- scares me.” The cat girl answered nervously, kneeling down in front of him.

“She does? But she’s too stupid to be a threat.”

“Well-- she made me somehow right?” Kagami asked and he nodded. “Shouldn’t she be able to-- unmake me?”

“Oh.” He nodded in partial understanding to how she felt about that. Being killed by someone was a risk he had faced before. Being around someone who might be able to speak a few words to kill you without a chance to defend yourself? He would be avoiding Mara too.

“So you’re actually going to go with Urd?”

He nodded again. “I figure it’s like another martial arts technique that I have to master. Cept instead of being able to beat someone up I get to do magic.” He smirked, trying to think of things that a God could do with magic. There had to be some really impressive magic just waiting for him to get his hands on. “I’ll probably beat up Mara though just out of principle.”

“Maybe if she did something to warrant it.” Kagami frowned at his casual attitude about violence.

“She’s a Demon, I’m sure something will come up.”

“Still-- are you going to beat up Akane because she’s a Demon?”

Ranma didn’t have an immediate answer to that. “Akane just got turned into a Demon, I’m sure she won’t be evil. You know what I meant, don’t try to twist my words around.”

“I wasn’t twisting your words around.” Kagami protested.

Fuming silently, he wanted to explain to Kagami that it was different with Akane but admitted that he had been acting weird around her since returning. He would have to make it up to his fiancée somehow. It was his fault after all that Akane had become a Demon. If only he had taken the time to formulate some kind of wish past getting the chance to plant his fist in Mara’s face. Kagami didn’t take the opportunity to gloat but she did have a half pleased, half sad look to her face

“So how was school? Everything you hoped?” He asked, trying to change the subject.

“Everyone was nice.” The cat girl quirked her mouth to one side. “They said I had to get a uniform though.”

“That sucks.”

“How am I supposed to afford it?” Kagami sighed. “And please don’t offer, I can’t stand to ask for anything else.”

He hadn’t planned to offer, it wasn’t like he simply had money to throw around like that. This was a problem though. Kagami didn’t have anything aside from some underwear and a dress to wear. Food and housing weren’t going to be a problem since she could simply stay at the Tendo’s. Thankfully it seemed like Urd had been able to take care of identification paperwork which he imagined would be a pain.

“Have no fear, the wonderful, beautiful, gorgeous, talented, and excellent teacher Urd is here!” The white haired Goddess announced as she passed through the gateway. Pausing, the tanned woman looked between them. “Something the matter?”

“Yea, how’s she supposed to pay for all the things she needs?” He asked. “Can’t you just wave your hand and summon money?” Kagami wasn’t going to outright ask for things but he wasn’t so reserved.

“That’s kind of against the rules.” Urd looked thoughtfully at the cat girl.

“You had no trouble making up an identity for her.”

“Yes but wrecking mortal economies is generally frowned upon.”

“And how is getting her some clothes going to do that?” He also thought that if he could somehow force Mara to do things he should go bother her about this as well, considering as the one who created Kagami, she should show some responsibility.

“Speaking to the choir, but things like money or objects need to be acquired through normal means.” Urd looked disgusted about the whole thing. “So you ready to go? I have the whole night planned out.”

“Would you mind if I went as well?” Kagami asked.

“Sorry--.” Urd paused, clearly not expecting the question. “Wouldn’t want you to get hurt if anything went wrong, right?”

“Alright.” Kagami glanced at the entrance to the dojo and Ranma figured that she was still concerned about Mara’s presence.

“Next time. I promise.” Urd smiled reassuringly at the cat girl before grabbing him by the arm and dragging him towards the gate. “Now come on, we have to hurry!”
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Re: What you wish for chapter 2

Postby Spokavriel » Thu Nov 11, 2010 12:54 am

Something has me feeling that Urd's promise might be a mistake on her part.
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Re: What you wish for chapter 2

Postby frice2000 » Thu Nov 11, 2010 9:22 am

to proclaim that he had joined the Yakuza

Should be rephrased subject of the sentence not clear so it really sounds like it's Kuno you're talking about who has joined the Yakuza not Ranma.

for anything and everything

to everything and anything

Like Happosai, Mara was being rather annoying, like at the moment she was trying to explain to Akane how to do something, and the new Demon was having the same success she had at cooking.

Long run-on.

“Maybe if she did something to warrant it.”

I understand what you're going for here but she's scared of Mara afraid she'll kill her and then...I don't know a little more of a bent ethical viewpoint regarding her might be a little better here. Also from a slightly alternate perspective wouldn't she be having split feelings regarding her? Fear yes but also gratitude at her own existence?

He would have to make it up to his fiancée somehow

I hope it's not much longer till he really realizes what this means. Till that point this story feels like its had its wings clipped quite a lot.

Nice bit. Could have used exactly what Akane was learning though so we see what the differences in what a God/Goddess learns versus a Demoness and how this is going to affect their relationship. Also the discussion with Ranma and Kagami there felt strange their relationship is so odd and Ranma's behavior during the conversation is hard to pin down.
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Re: What you wish for chapter 2

Postby LawOhki » Thu Nov 11, 2010 12:04 pm

frice2000 wrote:I understand what you're going for here but she's scared of Mara afraid she'll kill her and then...I don't know a little more of a bent ethical viewpoint regarding her might be a little better here. Also from a slightly alternate perspective wouldn't she be having split feelings regarding her? Fear yes but also gratitude at her own existence?

Kagami doesn't have much self respect, she now knows that she was just made to try to torture Ranma. There's no reason for her to thank Mara for that existence.

I hope it's not much longer till he really realizes what this means. Till that point this story feels like its had its wings clipped quite a lot.

I'm not sure what you mean by that. Remember that the spell Mara cast to make Ranma act more like Kagami is still in effect and she views demons as bad and it's influencing Ranma's behavior.
Nice bit. Could have used exactly what Akane was learning though so we see what the differences in what a God/Goddess learns versus a Demoness and how this is going to affect their relationship. Also the discussion with Ranma and Kagami there felt strange their relationship is so odd and Ranma's behavior during the conversation is hard to pin down.

I might later but Mara is going to be a sucky teacher.

Back to that spell to act like Kagami but also some God nature coming out in that he's going to try and help others. Since he really doesn't know any ins and outs of how Gods go about doing that, he's a bit perturbed that Urd with all the power he's seen, can't just help out Kagami.
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Re: What you wish for chapter 2

Postby LawOhki » Fri Mar 25, 2011 10:38 pm

Akane frowned at her teacher, watching as she was plotting something against their new houseguest. Kagami had returned from the dojo shortly after Urd had appeared and then vanished with Ranma. The cat girl was now watching television with Kasumi.

“I thought they’d never leave.” Mara grumbled.

‘I could say the same thing about you.’ She narrowed her eyes, still very angry about this whole situation.

“Alright, now one of the first things that any Demon must learn is how to find out what someone wants.”

“I really don’t care about that stuff.” Akane did not want to go around manipulating people and acting like Mara or Nabiki.

“You should.” Mara straightened. “Since my little golem doesn’t have a soul you can’t make any kind of contract with her, but she should be a good target for you to try and find out what she wants.”

“I’m not going to do that.” Akane frowned at the mention of Kagami not having a soul. She wasn’t too sure on what that meant but it didn’t sound good.

“You don’t have to do anything bad-- yet. Just find out something that she wants.”

“No, I’m not doing it.” She crossed her arms. “You want to teach me how to do magic that’s fine. But I’m not doing this.” Akane could see Mara’s plan. Get her to start manipulating people then that leads into more devious things.

“If you don’t do it then I’m not going to teach you any magic, and if you don’t learn anything when Hild wants a status report then guess what?”

“What?” She asked.

“Let’s just say we’ll both be punished. And believe me, Hild or whoever she assigns to the task, will be creative.” Mara finished ominously.

“Fine.” Snorting, she headed into the room to talk to Kagami. Akane wanted to help out the poor girl anyways, so she would mess with Mara by actually helping the cat girl. No doubt that would ruin Mara’s little game entirely.

X x x x x x

Kagami mentally rolled her eyes and kept her ears from twisting in the direction of Akane and Mara, having heard everything. ‘You’d think they might realize that I can hear better.’ Again she had heard the comment about lacking a soul. From the memories she had from Ranma, she didn’t feel any different for lacking one, but it was apparently something important for Mara and most likely Gods as well.

“Hey Kagami.” Akane greeted, taking a seat nearby.

“Hello.”

“What are you watching?”

“I can’t remember the name.” She answered, watching a purple haired cat girl fight an overly muscled Santa Claus. Honestly she couldn’t figure out why she had decided to watch it. “I heard what Mara asked you to do.”

Akane stiffened at her blunt statement. “You did?”

“Neither of you are very sneaky.” She commented.

“Mara is a terrible teacher.” The youngest Tendo sighed. Kagami would have verbally agreed but Mara was still hovering outside the door. “How’s Urd seem?”

“I couldn’t say.” She had yet to see Urd teach Ranma anything. She hoped that the Goddess would be better than a Demoness though.

“You know what.” Akane nodded to herself resolutely. “I don’t care if Mara gets me punished somehow. Do you want to go out and do something? Get out of the house? Have some fun?”

“Sure, I would like that very much.” She smiled happily, glad that Akane hadn’t been changed by this whole thing.

X x x x x x

“What did you do that for?!” Ranma demanded angrily and shook her wet head to spray Urd with the cool water that had just been dumped on her. Urd had used magical water that vanished as soon as it left her body. She was in the Goddess’ room and there were so many strange items laying around that she had been too busy being curious to notice the water spell.

“Need to set the right tone.” Urd remarked while looking her up and down. “Clothes are all wrong but now I’m just splitting hairs.”

“What-- what right tone?” She sputtered.

“For my plan student.” Urd opened up a cabinet and started to dig inside.

“Plan? You’re supposed to be teaching me not plotting against somebody.”

“Plotting? Oh my dear cute student.” Urd spun around from the cabinet and patted her on the head. “I am going to teach you by doing. Tonight’s lesson is going to deal with potions.”

“Uh huh.” Ranma rolled her eyes.

The white haired Goddess set down a small vial of something on a table in the middle of the room and then knelt down next to it. “Now I’ve been planning this little venture for some time now. Belldandy and Keiichi always have something going on so I needed to find the perfect night to get them here without any possible distractions.”

“For what?” Ranma took a seat across from Urd.

“Spend five minutes around the two and you can see that they are in love. But they are just so repressed that they’ll never show it. This little beauty is going to-- loosen them up.” Urd played around with the glass vial filled with red liquid. “Let them go that little extra step and get past this schoolyard infatuation to something more meaningful.”

“So that’s some kind of love potion and you want them to--.” Ranma left off have sex or any other sayings indicating the same result that entered her mind. “You sure you’re not some kind of Demon?”

Urd gave her a cross look. “As the Goddess of Love it’s my sworn duty to bring together those who share such a wonderful connection.”

“But you’re the Goddess of the Past.” She pointed out.

“That too.” The dark skinned Goddess brushed off Ranma’s point. “Now come on, we need to go set things up and I’ll explain how the potion works while we do.”

X x x x x x

‘Okay this is kind of fun.’ Ranma peaked out from her hideout to see Belldandy turn around. The Goddess was busy preparing some type of food that was making Ranma’s stomach growl. ‘But really really weird.’ She added while glancing around at the forest of cups that she was surrounded by. Urd had cast a spell that shrunk both of them down to toy size. It was a unique experience to be at most fifteen centimeters tall. Catching her reflection in a glass cup, she noticed that her proportions were off, more childish, and it was throwing off her coordination to a point.

Seeing her opportunity to move, she darted out from the cupboard, and dropped down towards the counter. ‘Bad depth perception.’ She winced from the force of the impact before diving down to lie underneath the lip of a plate. ‘Okay, just gotta get this into Belldandy’s tea.’

She had played match maker before and was probably a hopeless romantic at heart so this sort of thing was kind of up her alley. Not that she was all in on this plan but she got the feeling that it would fail, so it wouldn’t hurt to just do what Urd wanted for the time being. Checking the potion in her right hand, she would not be focusing on this area of study. It was just too indirect. If Saotome Ranma was going to be using magic it wasn’t going to be something so mundane.

Sliding across the counter on her stomach, she checked Belldandy’s position. The Goddess was singing softly to herself and had just finished pouring a cup of tea. ‘Perfect.’ When her target next turned around, Ranma was out of her hiding spot, and over to the glass. Dumping the potion into the tea, she flew off back up to the cupboard, before retracing her steps back to Urd’s hiding spot.

“Did you get it in?” Urd asked impatiently.

“Oh please.” Ranma scoffed at the mere thought of failing and flicked the end of her pigtail back over her shoulder.

“Good.” Urd turned to look around a jar of food at Belldandy who was about to take a drink. Just as the dark blonde haired Goddess was about to take a drink Keiichi entered the kitchen, stopping her from ingesting the potion.

“Hey Belldandy, I just got a call from the Motor Club, they asked me to help them with something urgent. Did you want to come along?” He asked shyly.

“That sounds fun.” Belldandy, dumped the drugged tea, and left the room.

“No!” Urd wailed as she fell to her knees and raised her arms to the heavens. “So close!”

‘I knew it.’ Ranma snickered. “Well that’s over with. “Now make me normal size again.”

Urd stood up and started to pace after ignoring Ranma’s desire to return to normal.. “I’m sure there will be plenty of opportunities at that club thing. Plenty of dangerous weirdos and chaos which will give me a lot of opportunities.” The white haired Goddess mused and shifted her eyes in Ranma’s direction. “But we’ll need proper outfits.”

“No thanks.” Ranma tried to stop her right there. “You already did this and I thought you said we weren’t supposed to be seen.”

“Here.” Urd corrected. “What’s the point of a romantic night with the home to themselves if either of them know that there are others in the house?” She asked rhetorically. “Now we have to fit in. Which means lots of tight leather, which should keep those meatheads who hang out there occupied, and gives those two just enough privacy. “

“You just want me to get ogled by a bunch of guys while you do stuff.” Ranma dead panned.

“Of course! You’ll be the perfect decoy. I’ll even pitch in a little bit. The hot foreign Goddess with her perky side kick, ooh--.” Urd cooed as she placed both hands on the back of her head and arched her back to push out her bust. “That gives me ideas.”

“You’re supposed to teach me how to be a God, not how to take advantage of guys.” Ranma crossed her arms irritably and rolled her eyes. “I can do that already.” She added under her breath.

“Don’t worry my student, everything is for a purpose.” Urd came over and wrapped and arm around Ranma’s shoulders before beginning to drag her off. “And once the Belldandy and Keiichi lovey dovey plan is complete, we can move on to bigger and better things.”
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Re: What you wish for chapter 2

Postby frice2000 » Fri Mar 25, 2011 11:32 pm

realize that I can hear better.

Sounds off. I was going to say put something like hear better then them but then they are both demons so I don't know if they can hear better or not. Better then most mortals maybe?

for Mara and most likely Gods as well.

Gods sounds a little unspecific. Heaven maybe?

She answered, watching a purple haired cat girl fight an overly muscled Santa Claus.

Heh fun anime.

by this whole thing.

by this ordeal. Sounds a bit nicer.

Goddess’ room

goddess's Yes yes sounds wrong I know. If you don't want to use the 's at least change the capitalization.

So that’s some kind of love potion and you want them to--

Considering the amount of times Ranma has dealt with artifacts, potions, etc. in both fanon and canon it would be cute to either see her put up more of a fight to not use such a device or give surprisingly insightful tips in however they attempt to use said potion in the end possibly even succeeding because of said insights or Urd ignoring those insights and thus failing. A bit more here with this attempt or more experience showing itself at a later date possibly.

Well that was enjoyable. Do like the Ranma and Urd dynamic far more then the Akane and Mara one. Personally think Urd and Ranma are extremely compatible either for a romantic or purely platonic relationship considering upbringing and lack of peer groups so it'll be neat to see that develop. Anyway nice work look forward to the next. Oh and one more quick note watch the capitalization on gods and goddesses that mistake happened a lot and I probably didn't catch them all.
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Re: What you wish for chapter 2

Postby Crescent Pulsar R » Fri Mar 25, 2011 11:48 pm

“And once the Belldandy and Keiichi lovey dovey plan is complete, we can move on to bigger and better things.”

Ranma's never going to move on to bigger and better things. XD

Oh, and you may want to put some quotation marks around the name of the plan. The "the" in front of "Belldandy" tripped me up until I looked ahead. And perhaps add a hyphen between "lovey" and "dovey."
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Re: What you wish for chapter 2

Postby LawOhki » Mon May 30, 2011 12:08 am

I have changed the preceding scene so that Ranma keeps the love potion.

These two I wanted to have some kind of misunderstanding going between Ranma and Akane as well as show off some of the immaturity Kagami has with her limited life expeirences.

---------------


Dropping on to her bed, Akane yawned, and stretched out her arms. She had returned only recently with Kagami and was looking forward to getting to bed early. Looking over to the cat girl as she appraised a school uniform, Akane wondered why it was so easy to get along with the artificial being. Kagami was as opinionated about everything as Ranma was but with Kasumi’s demeanor. ‘I really do wish Ranma would be more like her, if only he wasn’t such a jerk all the time. But no, here’s someone who’s basically him but is a million times nicer.’

“Akane, are you sure this is alright?” Kagami’s ears twitched. “What happens if it gets ruined somehow?”

“Just as good a chance if I’m wearing it.” She answered.

“Alright, I can’t thank you enough for this.” The clone held up one of Akane’s school uniforms to her chest.

“I know it won’t fit right.” Akane would have pounded Ranma for his usual comments about her figure, but she could see the gears spinning in her fiancé’s clone making similar observations.

“Fit? Oh, I was just thinking that Ranma still hasn’t come back.” Folding up the uniform, Kagami glanced around the room in indecision before taking a kneeling position on the floor.

“You don’t have to sit on the floor.” Akane chortled.

“Thank you, I didn’t want to be like Ranma and simply sit wherever I please.” Kagami rose back up to her feet and slowly sat down as far as possible from Akane on the bed.

“And Ranma is probably out having a great time. Maybe stringing along some girl just for fun.” She chose not to challenge the girl on her timidity.

“Akane, even if Ranma were stringing someone along, he still cares for you deeply.”

“What? Are you kidding? Ranma? Feelings? Me?” Akane was shocked at the idea. While she knew that Ranma was a friend of sorts, she couldn’t imagine him caring deeply for her.

“I have his memories, remember?” Kagami tapped a finger to the side of her head. “It hurts him when you don’t trust him.”

“If he didn’t give me reasons not to trust him.” Akane stared down at her lap. She was so conflicted on how she felt about her unwanted fiancé.

“Akane.” Kagami folded her hands in her lap nervously. “Please don’t take this the wrong way but you don’t either.”

“And what’s that supposed to mean?” She demanded angrily, causing the clone girl to recoil.

“Please forget I said anything, I shouldn’t have said that, and I’m sorry.” Kagami quickly apologized and bowed her head.

Akane briefly felt like she had kicked a puppy, or kitten in this case, but brushed it off. “You seem like you would know, so why don’t you tell me?” She asked a bit more forcefully than she had intended. “What do I do that makes him not trust me?”

“I’m sorry, it’s just not my place to speak for him.” Kagami edged away from her.

“You brought it up.” Crossing her arms, something occurred to her. “That jerk!”

“Um-- Akane, he hasn’t done anything.”

“Oh I know perfectly well what he’s doing. Off stringing along some girl, or maybe some guy just for laughs, while he’s going to freak out if I so much talk to anyone else. That must be why he picks on Ryoga so much!”

“That’s not it at all.” Kagami drew her attention.

“And what is it then?” She asked calmly.

“With Ryoga it’s-- I-- I shouldn’t tell you.”

“If you can’t tell me anything and you’re just going to cover for Ranma, then I want you to leave my room.” Grabbing the uniform she was going to loan Kagami, she shoved it into the girl’s arms.

X x x x x x x

As he trudged up the steps to his room, hair still slightly damp from changing back, Ranma felt like he had dodged the karmic bullet tonight. Urd’s plans had all failed miserably and funnily enough neither Belldandy or Keiichi had figured out the reason why they had tagged along to that motorcycle club. Hopefully the next time Urd decided to teach him something she would come up with something useful. Even if he did have some fun tonight screwing up her plans.

As he was closing the door behind him into the dark room, he heard a sniffling noise. “Kagami you up?” He asked while fumbling to find the switch for a lamp. A wooden sign impacted his head just as a small body was pushed into him, knocking him down to a sitting position. “What’s the big idea?”

A flashlight clicked on illuminating a sign from his currently panda father. #You deal with her!# A second later it clicked off.

“What?” He blinked his eyes in the darkness, wondering why Kagami was hugging him. “So-- what’s going on?”

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry-- I was just trying to help you two and she took it the wrong way and then she threw me out of her room.” The cat girl chocked out in a hoarse voice.

“She did what?”

“It’s not her fault, it’s my fault.” Kagami started to cry into his shirt.

‘From one thing to another.’ He sighed and awkwardly patted his clone on the back.

“Just trying-- to make things-- better.” She said into his shirt, her voice growing weaker till at the end she went limp against him, having fallen asleep.

‘I knew it, becoming a Demon has changed her, no way Akane would have done whatever she did before.’
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Re: What you wish for chapter 2

Postby frice2000 » Mon May 30, 2011 9:00 am

But no, here’s someone who’s basically him but is a million times nicer.’

Seems slightly fragmented.

“If he didn’t give me reasons not to trust him.”

Feels like a stray thought could use a couple more words.

“And what is it then?” She asked calmly.

“With Ryoga it’s-- I-- I shouldn’t tell you.”

Interesting. Will be interesting to see what demon Akane does to Ryouga once she discovers the deception. Very nice subtle and logical transitional arc for her character becoming a demon so far. Nothing over the top just her slowly giving more into her darker emotions and impulses without that underlying niceness. Doesn't veer into outright bashing her either very nicely balanced. I do wonder how you're going to do the Ranma change as well since that has been a tad less evidenced with personality changes but still intriguing. Would be neat to see Akane doing a curse or learning some powerful ability to smack Ryouga around with once she finds out. Seems like you might make that the first step of her 'fall' as it were.

A wooden sign impacted his head just as a small body was pushed into him, knocking him down to a sitting position. “What’s the big idea?”

A flashlight clicked on illuminating a sign from his currently panda father. #You deal with her!# A second later it clicked off.

Could use some better framing. Was Genma supposed to be comforting and hugging her while she cried? If so would be interesting to later see what Genma thought of basically his son going to him for emotional support. I do like the underlying element of Ranma still loving and respecting his father even through both their faults as that feels very much in canon unlike so many other fanfiction so nice there.
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