REN Side Story - Kill the Cullens

[Siden]

Two thumbs up. I did not see any obvious mistakes in spelling or grammar and the overall plot, though short, held together well. Too short to really do anything with the characters but they were at least portrayed in a decent manner and it did not come off as bashing the Twilight characters (much) even though the whole point was to kill most of them.
This whole side-story idea of Ranma encountering non-Hellsing vampires has lots of potential for fun and I am interested in seeing where you go with it. Maybe tackling some other creatures of myth and legend as well for some variety?

[frice2000]

Well since ff.net reviews are down I'll write up my thoughts here and copy and paste em over later. Anyway was a interesting story all in all. My main problem with it was twofold. 1. The amount of effort you took into making the Twilight characters symphatetic made me actually slightly disappointed in the ending. I know the plan was all along to kill them all (not like the title gave it away) but after all the work in making some of them actually interesting their deaths were slightly off-putting. 2. You had great build up. The characters were all working and you were setting everything up for a rather nice conclusion and then the end fight scene/resolution came and while it was quite well written I just felt it needed to go a little longer and have been slightly better described since your build up made the fight seem like it'd be slightly more epic.

Apart from that I thought it was a amazingly well written side story. Character relationships have seemingly remarkably changed in the REN chapters you haven't yet gotten to and Ranma actually seemingly has a love interest! Very interesting indeed. This story makes me very excited to see the chapters getting the characters to this point as the end of Hellsing canon seems entirely revised due to Ranma's presence. I am now much more anxious to see how you set it all up and I hope you get back to it very soon.

Some other quick notes. You know there were a couple little scenes in there that I think you came slightly too hard down on Myer. While I agree that you're probably right that she seems a womens value in their ability to have children I don't think it's entirely impossible that if you're a woman who gets to a couple hundred years of age that you wouldn't wish you could have a child...That scene could have been handled with a slightly different perspective but you're probably right about Myers views on women in general. Another slight problem I had is what happened to Bella? I wish that was expanded slightly...Did Ranma go off and have a snack I wish the ending in that regard was slightly clearer. Hell I think Bella should make an appearance as a very minor antagonist down the line if she is still breathing.

In the end great side story but I look forward to the proper main story being continued more then another well written and researched but fun side story.

[LawOhki]

Well since ff.net reviews are down I'll write up my thoughts here and copy and paste em over later. Anyway was a interesting story all in all. My main problem with it was twofold. 1. The amount of effort you took into making the Twilight characters symphatetic made me actually slightly disappointed in the ending. I know the plan was all along to kill them all (not like the title gave it away) but after all the work in making some of them actually interesting their deaths were slightly off-putting. 2. You had great build up. The characters were all working and you were setting everything up for a rather nice conclusion and then the end fight scene/resolution came and while it was quite well written I just felt it needed to go a little longer and have been slightly better described since your build up made the fight seem like it'd be slightly more epic.

That was slightly intentional. Ranma is the proverbial shotgun to kill a fly here. No matter how much Ranma actually wants to play with an make things last longer, she's still got that martial arts training ingrained to finish things quickly in a serious fight. It's also told from her perspective and at that time Ranma was being a killing machine. Remember the fight Ranma had with a human Ryoga. She wasn't exactly in control there, it was just primal urges.

Apart from that I thought it was a amazingly well written side story. Character relationships have seemingly remarkably changed in the REN chapters you haven't yet gotten to and Ranma actually seemingly has a love interest! Very interesting indeed. This story makes me very excited to see the chapters getting the characters to this point as the end of Hellsing canon seems entirely revised due to Ranma's presence. I am now much more anxious to see how you set it all up and I hope you get back to it very soon.

Oh there will be interesting things happening in the main story. But remember that not everything there has happened here. Because if it did this story would have been a lot different. Mostly by having vampires be common knowledge.

But yes, Pickman is part of the main story, and their relationship has a lot of bumps.

Some other quick notes. You know there were a couple little scenes in there that I think you came slightly too hard down on Myer. While I agree that you're probably right that she seems a womens value in their ability to have children I don't think it's entirely impossible that if you're a woman who gets to a couple hundred years of age that you wouldn't wish you could have a child...That scene could have been handled with a slightly different perspective but you're probably right about Myers views on women in general. Another slight problem I had is what happened to Bella? I wish that was expanded slightly...Did Ranma go off and have a snack I wish the ending in that regard was slightly clearer. Hell I think Bella should make an appearance as a very minor antagonist down the line if she is still breathing.

I'm not. Rosalie being upset about children is apparently a large part of her character. Her stated reason for saving Emmet and eventually marrying him was, get this... because he reminded her of a friends baby. She even dislikes Bella because she can have a baby.

Bella was left open ended because why would Ranma want to deal with her at all? She's a headache, and Ranma just wants to head home. But she could come back later if I ever decide to write something about taking care of the Volturi.

[Spokavriel]

I know I haven't read the Fanfiction.net copy yet but I think there is a needed moment that has an opportunity for one last Bella confrontation. The Human Sheriff still needs to know about the resolution to his multiple murder problem.

There's also a chance for a continuation of this with the Werewolf crap. Those wolves need to die just as much as the Cullens.

[LawOhki]

I know I haven't read the Fanfiction.net copy yet but I think there is a needed moment that has an opportunity for one last Bella confrontation. The Human Sheriff still needs to know about the resolution to his multiple murder problem.

There's also a chance for a continuation of this with the Werewolf crap. Those wolves need to die just as much as the Cullens.

There is an added scene in the ff.net version that has Ranma tell Charlie that they're all dead and someone will be by to fill out the paperwork. Oh and don't look for bodies, as well as the ending which ties together Ranma's subtle comments about human/vampire relationships.

It also sort of paints Ranma as a bit of a hypocrite and as someone rather scary by how easily she can brush off being horrifying to be almost lovestruck.

[frice2000]

She even dislikes Bella because she can have a baby.

You know I don't think that's above being plausible. How old is she? I mean if she was raised even 25-50 years ago that would be one of the biggest parts of what her cultural identity/self-worth would be directed towards so it wouldn't strike me as at all odd that she would gain a strong obsession with children over time, and since she's never scratched it would not amaze to see it become a psychosis...Not that she wouldn't have other strong motivating characteristics but I do have to give it to Myer that a lot of female vampires especially ones made in more traditional older cultures and even lots of modern ones would see this as a hole in their lives. In fact the same could easily be said of male vampires as well (though Myer gave them the ability to have biological children so not so much...creepy). Now from what you've described of Twilight cannon this is an overriding concern especially for women and the only segment of their lives they place value on...if that is the case it is silly and disgusting on her part. However, making that a strong concern of their characters doesn't strike me as odd. In a better book series I've recently within the second Kitty Norville novel 'Kitty Goes to Washington' (quick plot summary: main character is a werewolf paranormal self help radio call in show host who is dealing with the paranormal beginning to become public knowledge you should read this series Lawra might give ya some good ideas as I think it pretty accurately describes what the public's reaction would be to the revelation that the boogie man exists) an older vampire basically hired generations of the same family members into her household and treated them like she was their godmother/aunt/etc and kept keepsakes from the multiple generations she knew. She paid for their schooling, etc. and they were very loyal to her in response to their families serving her for hundreds of years. That was a healthy way to deal with that impulse and I can think of a few other good examples.

I'm still concerned with how you're going to go about making vampires existence common knowledge. If the fic really hinges on that it'll be interesting to see how you pull it off especially since the vampires/other monsters in the Hellsing 'verse don't seem quite conducive to not killing humans as part and parcel of their existence. So you've got one rocky but interesting pairing thus far revealed I see...interesting. I wonder who the other characters will end up with since you've got one I have no doubt you have some others planned. That wasn't really an aspect of the story I thought you'd develop too closely so I'm surprised to see it being even a small segment of the plot, especially since Ranma will have to deal with his biological family still though that particular sections resolution is apparently in progress. I am really anxious to see how Cologne deals with the situation as well. I'm sure she has some knowledge on some type of vampire so all of this stuff coming down the pike in this story looks great.

And yeah give the Kitty Norville series a look. Werewolf radio talk show host is such an awesome premise and for since you're doing the whole 'going public' thing I really think it couldn't help but give you some good ideas. Honestly I prefer the keeping the whole paranormal side of everything secret approach though as the amount of humans on the planet if educated could easily in my opinion eradicate all monsters if they chose to.

[Spokavriel]

Taking lessons from Nekomata-Sensei?

[LawOhki]

In fact the same could easily be said of male vampires as well (though Myer gave them the ability to have biological children so not so much...creepy). Now from what you've described of Twilight cannon this is an overriding concern especially for women and the only segment of their lives they place value on...if that is the case it is silly and disgusting on her part.

That is it. Even the twilight wiki makes the comments that she was perfectly happy with her human life before meeting a friends baby, and suddenly BAM she's depressed about everything and her life has no meaning. Literally, the books are mormon propaganda.

I'm still concerned with how you're going to go about making vampires existence common knowledge. If the fic really hinges on that it'll be interesting to see how you pull it off especially since the vampires/other monsters in the Hellsing 'verse don't seem quite conducive to not killing humans as part and parcel of their existence.

The big reveal will be done by vampires who are more like chip vampires and have a large presence the world over but have a lot of rules that have kept them from the public eye. Hellsing doesn't even know much of their activities.

They'll make the first move due to all the chip vampires and the creation of a blood substitute. (hint) Of course they'll also approach several agencies with the intent to give any information they may have in stopping the chip vampires. Which are rapidly becoming news, there are simply too many incidents happening for it not to.

It's the perfect timing to make humans think they are not the bad guys, they're just misunderstood, and if blood wasn't needed they never would have been hiding. Not all countries will be happy, neither will all vampires but they'll have blackmail material on people like Hellsing, and will not be adverse to portraying such groups as mass murderers and a host of other wonderful terms.

So you've got one rocky but interesting pairing thus far revealed I see...interesting. I wonder who the other characters will end up with since you've got one I have no doubt you have some others planned. That wasn't really an aspect of the story I thought you'd develop too closely so I'm surprised to see it being even a small segment of the plot, especially since Ranma will have to deal with his biological family still though that particular sections resolution is apparently in progress. I am really anxious to see how Cologne deals with the situation as well. I'm sure she has some knowledge on some type of vampire so all of this stuff coming down the pike in this story looks great.

Ceres will end up with Pip. That's the only other pairing and with the vampires going public, Hellsing is going to quickly lose it's main purpose, and Ranma isn't really going to be working for them anyways, so the relationship is going to become more of the focus. Along with Ranma dealing with these new vampires attempting to use her for their own goals.

[Tornado Ninja Fan]

the creation of a blood substitute. (hint)

Sounds like a "Dance in the Vampire Bund" crossover

[LawOhki]

Sounds like a "Dance in the Vampire Bund" crossover

Nope, and further hint would be that it's by the Japanese.

[JustinD]

the creation of a blood substitute. (hint)

I'm gonna guess that it might be Vampire Knight since in that they have blood tablets. Plus the Yuuki x Kaname thing annoys me so I figure it might annoy you enough to sic Ranma onto them.