A Ralts in Moonlight Chapter 5 (finished on page 3)

[KonokoHasano]

The chapter is finished.

[borgrabbit]

Dr. Garren made his way over to computer consol and pulled a disk out of one of the slots.

to the computer console

til next

[Vilkath]

Nice stuff, I wasn't really reading carefuly enough to catch any real errors, enjoying the story to much!

But to expand on the last posters error the 'and pulled a disk out of one of the slots. ' doesn't quite seem right some how.

I was thinking of perhaps and retrieved or removed a disc. pulled a disk out just seemed wierd to me *Shrug*.

Only other suggestion might be the training scenes, describe more flash back less. Almost every story that wants to increase a characters abilities or powers flashes back to some vague descriptions of what they did, and it cheapens it some how to me. Why not have at least a scene or two of Ranma sitting under a water fall and a some pokemon floating down stream onto his head? Transfer from a real time flash back some times instead of all past tense review of what he did.

I also think another nice exercise would for Ranma to catch rain drops, a future training method or something he could do in this chapter but it works well with the control exercise. Controlling a large amount of small objects at the same time like catchign grains of sand, or stoping rain drops indviualy.

[borgrabbit]

Also, after typing out the part with Ranma training with the ball of water, I keep getting reminded of water bending from Avatar: The Last Airbender. The thought didn't fully register until after that small mini-scene was done.

I was just watching an early episode of the Maple Story anime. How about forming a rainbow colored disc of psychic energy for Ranma to surf on? Have Ranma freeze a disc of ambient water vapor with psychic energy and the light reflecting off could be like a rainbow effect coming off of a hologram, plus, the smaller mass of the vapor could provide even more efficiency. This could lead to an analog of the vacuum blades of the Yama Sen-ken.

Wes

[Andy2kk]

So is this Sabrina going to be Ranma's master? I'm thinking even with all Ranma has learnt Sabrina could probably beat him and capture him.

[Anime_Freak317]

Nice chapter so far. Nice detailing on the scenes too.

How about for additional scenes, have that girl that Sabrina protected tag along too.

Also, since Ranma has the ability for Ice Punch, why not use that to freeze the river and ice 'fall' on it. Balance is still needed and skating is a good way to work on that and piss of the Pollywag too.

[Anime_Freak317]

So is this Sabrina going to be Ranma's master? I'm thinking even with all Ranma has learnt Sabrina could probably beat him and capture him.

If you remember from earlier post on past chapters, this is not going to happen. Ranma may train with Sabrina, but won't be captured in a ball...for long at least.

[Cheb]

this thing is nice (especially the flying on the apple part), and I like it as a whole - but unfortunately, I have nothing to say since I have a zero knowledge of Pokemon.

So far the story as a whole seems harmonic and evolving at a right pace.

So, count me as a grateful but silent reader.

[Vilkath]

I think the surfboard or floating disc style ride is a nice idea to pursue in the long term, all though Ranma may just decide levitating himself is easier then including a third object to work with in the long term for a means of flight.

One idea I did have was how about Ranma's fan club? What if some them started having their Ralts wear blue contect lenses to give them blue eyes, because they are such fans? Not only it be funny but it would help Ranma be able to blend in and hide out better from the many forces and trainers that will be out to capture him eventualy.

[KonokoHasano]

Finally... internet decided to quit being a bastard and come on after konking out last night... Ah well, I get cable internet tomorrow. XD

borgrabbit: Thanks

Only other suggestion might be the training scenes, describe more flash back less. Almost every story that wants to increase a characters abilities or powers flashes back to some vague descriptions of what they did, and it cheapens it some how to me. Why not have at least a scene or two of Ranma sitting under a water fall and a some pokemon floating down stream onto his head? Transfer from a real time flash back some times instead of all past tense review of what he did.

Flashback less? I'm afraid I honestly don't understand...

I also think another nice exercise would for Ranma to catch rain drops, a future training method or something he could do in this chapter but it works well with the control exercise. Controlling a large amount of small objects at the same time like catchign grains of sand, or stoping rain drops indviualy.

I like that idea.

I was just watching an early episode of the Maple Story anime. How about forming a rainbow colored disc of psychic energy for Ranma to surf on? Have Ranma freeze a disc of ambient water vapor with psychic energy and the light reflecting off could be like a rainbow effect coming off of a hologram, plus, the smaller mass of the vapor could provide even more efficiency. This could lead to an analog of the vacuum blades of the Yama Sen-ken.

That's something to definitely think about as well.

So is this Sabrina going to be Ranma's master? I'm thinking even with all Ranma has learnt Sabrina could probably beat him and capture him.

She's not going to capture him or anything. She'll mostly be someone who could help him in certain ways.

How about for additional scenes, have that girl that Sabrina protected tag along too.

Also, since Ranma has the ability for Ice Punch, why not use that to freeze the river and ice 'fall' on it. Balance is still needed and skating is a good way to work on that and piss of the Pollywag too.

I've been debating on whether to include the girl on the trip or not. There's several pros and cons to it.

Angering Poliwags can become a past time. XD

Cheb: Thanks

I think the surfboard or floating disc style ride is a nice idea to pursue in the long term, all though Ranma may just decide levitating himself is easier then including a third object to work with in the long term for a means of flight.

Well, once Ranma gets used to it, controlling an object like that would be like second nature.

[Cheb]

P.S. Let him fly on a miniature broom.

[Andy2kk]

With Ranma's evolution, (with the Springs of Sorrow being involved) you could change it a lot. Or if you wanted to keep his changes standard, maybe when Ranma gets over emtional, angry per say, his form to change into something more fierce. That might also give you the option to let Ranma gain a humanoid form depending on his emotional state and level of control.

[jasonjkay]

Wow, I really like this chapter so far. I really felt sorry for the poor Misdreavus stuck in the lab, then yay it was set free. Also the thought of Ranma flying around happily on a apple and then smacking into a tree was pretty funny. Maybe he should do that when he visits town, fly around and amaze eveybody even more.

Flashback less? I'm afraid I honestly don't understand...

I think that person doesnt like reading flashbacks, so wants less of them. Like instead of training for a move in the present, you just add in a little flashback of him learning the move in the past. Im not really that bothered, I think it's personal preferance.

corrections:

the Ralts managed to that it did have the hang of its supposed psychokinetic ability.

Doesn't read right, missing a word. I think it should say, the Ralts managed to 'prove' that

if he was taking too long to created it

'created' looks wrong, i think you added a D to the end when you shouldn't.

Cant see any more corrections, also cant wait for the rest of this chapter.

[KonokoHasano]

P.S. Let him fly on a miniature broom.

Or a wooden board that he finds. With that, he could surf through the air. XD


As for flashbacks... I consider flashbacks to be separate scenes entirely. What I was doing was only taking a moment to explain Ranma's other exercises.

[Vilkath]

*shrug* the flash back aspect is not a huge deal I suppose. I just think to a degree to many authors use them when things could of just been explained in real time instead. It is especialy popular in Naruto or Harry potter fics where they want to power up a character without spending the time on it.

I also suppose it comes down to the type of flash back as well. Showing the past in a more present tense memory is okay, what I really dislike is those flash back reviews that read like a history book. Where the author is merely stating events without any thoughts, dialog or emotion.


Any ways back to Ranma riding something, I suppose it has it's benfits. If he is riding some other object it does give him some more lee way in what he can do like jump kick, dodges etc which might be harder if he had to use pure telepathy to move his own body.

Not to mention it would be easier for trainers to accept an 'air surfing' pokemon I suppose. The games at least did have that stupid surfing pikachu which even had unique stats and attacks.