Ranma no Zettai Kareshi 6&7 – Sink or Swim, Life is a Beach

[Anchoku]

Looking for feedback. This double chapter ends darker than I like. C&C most welcome.

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Ranma no Zettai Kareshi – Sink or Swim, Life is a Beach

by Anchoku

Rights to Ranma ½ belong to its creator, Takahashi Rumiko. Various other rights are held by Shonen Sunday Comics, Shogukukan, Kitty Film and Fuji TV.

Rights to Zettai Kareshi, a.k.a. Absolute Boyfriend, belong to its creator, Watase Yuu. Various other rights are held by Shoujo Comic, Shogukukan, and Fuji TV.

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“Hey, Konatsu, you haven’t seen Ran-chan, yet, have you?” Ukyou called to her waitress near the store front. The Saturday evening rush was just getting underway and Ranma usually stopped by for a snack before supper at Tendo-ke. Of course, he didn’t always stop by. Sometimes he was busy chasing Happosai and other times he was busy running from Tendo Akane or Shampoo. Still, it was nice he appreciated her art.

“No, Mistress Ukyou,” he demurely replied and flit around the tables to double-check. He even checked under the tables to make sure though Ukyou doubted Ranma enjoyed hiding as much as her crazy admirer, Kurenai Tsubasa-baka.

She needed a pick-me-up to get psyched for the evening rush. “Okonomiyaki rules!” she yelled into the dining area thrusting one of her normal cooking spatulas high into the air. Some of the customers even joined her with exuberant yells of their own. Others were too busy stuffing their faces or chatting with friends. That was all right, too, in her book. It took a whole slew of good things to make a good restaurant. Great food and great company were hard to beat and impossible to excel without.

The bells on the door jingled. She spared a glance at it and found Mouse adjusting his glasses before heading toward her grill. She was immediately suspicious. The Joketsu interlopers always had a hidden agenda. Sometimes, they were allies but they could never be fully trusted. Of course, Mouse was an idiot savant. When it came to Shampoo the idiot part took over his personality. Ukyou decided she could wait until he was ready to unload whatever was on his ducky brain.

“Kuonji-san,” Mouse began, sliding onto a stool in front of her grill, “Saotome is a flaming faggot.”

Ukyou was mildly surprised Mouse had the intelligence to check his brain at the door so it wouldn’t get further damaged and traded her small spatula for the giant Damascus steel one on her back. ‘Looks like I’m serving duck, tonight.’ Mouse squawked in panic.

She chased him outside up the street toward the Nekohanten. “Ukyou-sama, can I help?” Konatsu asked, appearing along side her.

“No!” she said firmly. “Make sure the customers’ drinks are filled and no one skips on their tab. I’ll be right back with a new menu item.” Konatsu nodded and vanished so she could get back to the duck hunt.

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Much of the train ride was spent in silence partly out of courtesy for the other commuters crowed inside and partly because the train was noisy all by itself. Ranma had her own reasons for silence. Kyouya was having a strange effect on her and she’d admitted it to Akane.

‘If there was any time to lie, it was that one,’ she thought but that was a skill she lacked. It had taken time to learn just how bad at lying she was but another round with the Gambling King hammered in realization of that inadequacy. ‘I suck compared to the Tendo family,’ she groused.

Brining her mind back to the original problem, Ranma wondered why Kyouya was becoming more important to her. Staring over her shoulder watching the buildings blur by she reflected upon the artificial companion and would-be sex machine she knew stood behind her on the other side of Akane. She could feel their gazes on her. Both wanted her. ‘So what are the good things and bad things about them?’ she thought, getting down to the problem. ‘Akane can be nice but she’s a violent tomboy. Kyouya is nice, all the time, but he is a boy, sort of… at least, where it counts.’ There was a time when Ranma called Akane un-cute, and meant it, though not the way her fiancée probably took it. ‘Being violent and mean is definitely un-cute. On the other hand, not being violent and mean is not un-cute.’ That train of thought was quickly running out of track so Ranma abandoned it.

‘Kyouya isn’t violent or mean. He is a guy an’ I don’t want no guy touching me.’ It was easy to declare that statement but she knew Kyouya had touched her. ‘I kissed him and he groped me. Maybe my brain hated it but my body sure didn’t. What the heck’s up with that?’ Despair welled up inside making her chest ache and throat tighten. ‘I’m gonna do the same with Akane as soon as I can change back an’ wipe off all this makeup,’ she passionately resolved. Her resolution faltered when she remembered there would be no privacy in that house.

The thought did remind her of Akane’s strange lack of hatred toward her curse, today. ‘Is she okay with my curse, or is she just hangin’ on, anyway, hoping I’ll get rid of it one day?’ Self doubt was unhealthy for Ranma despite not being able to maintain a depressive mental state. Being unable to compete with Ryouga in the Shi Shi Hokoudan was something she took great joy in but her own insecurities worried at her confidence.

‘I like Akane! Why do I now feel so… whatever, around Kyouya? Is it my curse’s fault? Does this body like boys all of a sudden?’ Ranma meditated on that as the car swayed doing the same to the passengers as it turned and began braking for another stop. The distraction of the passenger exchange, if it could be called that when more wanted on, than off, made it difficult to really focus on the problem and, for a few minutes, Ranma gave up on deep thoughts. After the train got rolling, again, so did her brain.

‘What is it about Kyouya that weirds me out?’ she wondered and wracked her brain for answers but only two seemed to have any merit. ‘Kyouya is always good to me. That’s one. He ain’t like Shampoo or Ukyou. Shampoo makes trouble wherever she is; especially for me. I think she likes it. U-chan loves okonomiyaki so much it’s hard t’see her marrying anything else. She doesn’t have time to have fun much anymore.’ Despite her criticism of Ukyou, Ranma also had a grudging respect for her childhood friend. The number of hours in a day did not add up to what she though Ukyou put in at school and her restaurant. It did mean, though, that Ranma felt distinctly less important than the food Ukyou served.

‘Akane is best,’ Ranma decided, not for the first time even if her opinion didn’t carry much weight in the selection process. ‘If I can keep from getting Akane mad and keep her out of the kitchen…’ Both tasks, stated that way, seemed rather daunting.

Regarding Kyouya, he was almost perfect with the exception of his gender. Ranma began listing his good points. ‘He’s always nice, never angry at me, and will stay out of the kitchen if I tell him to, if I tell him to. He probably doesn’t burn food or screw up a recipe. I’ll bet he’ll do all the chores and at least not get them wrong twice,’ she considered. His bad points were pretty straightforward. The beta-site contract would not last forever, probably not very long at all, and he was a guy.

‘Is him being a guy that much of a big deal?’ she wondered. The concept of intimate relations in her female form was not a foreign one. There were many nightmares and sleepless nights wasted on that idea but was it so terrible to do it as a girl with a guy if that guy was the right guy? Kyouya was not the right guy, for sure, ‘except if it was for practice,’ a quiet voice in her mind responded. ‘He is a training dummy.’

A cold sweat broke out as she considered the implications of practicing with Kyouya. ‘Akane would kill me. And then, she would find my ghost and kill me again!’ That certainly dampened her mood. ‘Guess that idea’s out,’ she decided. ‘Wait! What am I thinking? U-chan, Shampoo and Kodachi would kill me three times over if they even thought I would do that with Akane!’ The rest of the ride was barely more pleasant.

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“Bucho! This data is excellent!” Yuugama Yui, Chronos Heaven software and wetware extraordinaire exclaimed flipping up the image combiner on her steam-punk goggle-mounted display.

‘Eh, what’s up, Doc?” Kazeyama Hiroki, bio-mechanic replied.

Yui gripped her mechanical pencil tightly and prepared to stab Hiroki in the arm until he ceased with the cheesy, stupid one-liners.

She was interrupted by Yamachu Masunori-bucho, their beta-test team leader, when he spun around to face them. He had taken a perverse liking to the large, padded swivel chair the prototype sits upon when they are doing maintenance. The seat and seatback were wide and were complimented by appropriately wide and flat armrests for the prototype to rest its arms, obviously. The problem with the chair, from Yui’s perspective, is it swiveled. It was also upholstered in black vinyl. She had no doubt it was Hiroki’s doing along with the spotlight centered over it.

Now, their team leader, Yamachu-bucho, had fallen into the habit of facing the chair away from them just so he could spin around under the spotlight and say, “Report.”

She ground her teeth and fought down her irritation at her teammates’ foolishness. “The beta-tester, Miss Saotome, has been cycling through a broad spectrum of emotions all day but now, they are cycling so quickly the prototype cannot keep up with them.” Masunori nodded for her to continue. She did, explaining, “The rapid changes in emotional condition are severely loading its processor. Other functions are facing reduced cycle allocation. This is an excellent field stress test! Loading is not as severe as in lab simulation but this represents real data.”

“Recommendation?” Masunori asked, leaning forward and steepling his fingers under his nose.

Yui overlooked his ridiculous fascination with looking like a television or movie character and answered, “Saotome is doing a commendable job. I would hazard a guess most of the other teams are getting less valuable information.”

Yamachu Masunori gave a curt nod and spun his captain’s chair around to face away from the other team members.

Yui turned back to her own workstation and flipped the combiner back down over her right eye. “All your base are belong to us,” she quietly grumbled under her breath so neither of the other two could hear. She considered saying it louder but suspected the quote might go over their heads because it was a poor English translation of a line in a video game that may, or may not, have come out yet depending upon the timeline.

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Cologne, Joketsu village elder and restaurant entrepreneur, looked up from her work when the front door banged open and Mousse flew in, though he wasn’t in his duck form. She had to think about it again when Mousse ducked behind Shampoo, who was busy waiting table three.

Before she could think to ask why, Kuonji Ukyou burst through the open door and stopped to glare at him. Cologne thought it was either genius or blind stupidity that caused Mousse to lead a lone enemy of his back to the local Joketsu base camp. She figured it was the later, though. He would always be a male of middle standing, at best. She sighed at hopelessness of her task as a teacher.

“Shampoo, save me!” he cried from behind the person he desired most.

Ukyou slung her battle spatula through a loop on her bandolier behind her neck and crossed her arms. Then, she snarled at him for good measure. Cologne clucked her tongue. It looked more and more as if this was going to be another pointless encounter that provided little entertainment value.

Her Great Granddaughter (title shortened for brevity’s sake) grew a wicked grin. “Why this one help? Mousse strong enough to defeat Pancake Girl.”

“I don’t want to marry her!” he yelled.

“You not marry Violent Destroyer of Food,” Shampoo returned.

“She doesn’t count! It wasn’t even a fight,” Mousse exclaimed, aghast at the intimation.

Shampoo’s mood briefly improved at Mousse’s confirmation Akane wasn’t worth considering as marriage material but fell at the subtle reminder she was losing to a loser.

Ukyou uncrossed her arms and raised her eyebrows. “I ain’t after you for marryin’. I just want t’ serve you f’r supper.”

Cologne chuckled. “Table five! Order up!” Then she threw two bowls of ramen out for Shampoo to catch. The conversation wasn’t quite as lame as she expected.

Shampoo handily plucked the bowls from the air and deposited them on the proper table with a smile showing off her skill and figure before asking, “Why you want Duck? Can have. This one no care.”

Ukyou replied, “That jackass called Ran-chan a flaming faggot.”

Mousse screamed like a little boy and ran with Shampoo hot on his tail. Ukyou shrugged and approached Cologne’s serving counter. “Ran-chan’s been acting kind of weird, though. Any idea what’s up?” she casually asked.

Grinning wrinkly and showing what was left of her tobacco and tea-stained teeth, she answered as just as casually. “Mousse is wrong. Son-in-law is just becoming a bit less homosexual as a woman and, perhaps, more open-minded as a man. That’s all.”

“Oh, I thought it was something seri- What?”

“Curse bleed-over – don’t worry, it’s still Ranma so don’t think that just because you have that cute boy Konatsu it will change the fact that he’ll marry Shampoo.”

“It’s that guy, ain’t it?” Ukyou growled and slammed the door open again on her way out. Cologne laughed long and hard. The customers weren’t as amused as they were terrified.

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Ranma, Kyouya and the Tendo family strolled leisurely back to Tendo-ke from the train station. Soun kept to small talk as he prodded Kyouya for information about his family and intentions toward Soun’s girls and Ranma. Kyouya answered he was a merman ambassador in training and that his parents were both full-fledged ambassador mer-folk. He did it all with so strait a face Ranma was both embarrassed at the stupidity of the lie and by her own inability to do it even half as well has he. When Kyouya stated his intentions were solely directed on Ranma, even if Ranma did not love him that way, she found herself flushing profusely.

The one good thing about the situation was that Akane had taken her hand and did not leg go the whole way back. ‘She’s really possessive,’ Ranma thought at one point. Then, added, “Duh,” once she realized that word pretty much defined her fiancée.

When they arrived back at the house, she and the girls divided up the day’s loot and took it upstairs leaving Kyouya sitting in the tea room with Tendo Soun. Ranma followed to Kasumi’s room and stopped in the door while the older woman unloaded her bags on her bed. “I’m, ah, sorry about y’r slip. I’ll… wash it before givin’ it back,” she nervously said. “I’m gonna drop my stuff off an’ take Kyouya back home.”

Kasumi smiled at her and replied, “That’s very nice of you, Ranma-chan. Will you be back in time for dinner?” She nodded and was about to leave when Kasumi pulled her into the room and shut the door. “Ranma-chan, I am sorry if I’ve been hard on you recently. I’m just concerned about your relationship with Akane-chan.” Ranma blinked and gulped. “You know she loves you.” That stopped Ranma’s breathing as the conversation was getting far too personal for her taste. “You almost got married. Please don’t hurt my little sister.”

Ranma nodded but protested out of habit. “Kyouya’s my friend. I know he wants more but he doesn’t force me to do anything like everyone else does. I’m… I’m learning good stuff, I think, an’ I wanna try some of it on her. If she’ll let me. Calling me a pervert an’ bashing me ain’t fun. Sometimes… sometimes I just don’t know,’ she ended, feeling as hopeless as she sounded.

Kasumi’s hands rose. One held Ranma’s shoulder while the other turned her chin up so their eyes met. “You two just need to learn how to talk,” she said.

Ranma blinked. “Oh, ha, ha. Now I’m like Tofu-sensei?”

Kasumi’s mouth twitched in pain making Ranma immediately regret saying that but the eldest Tendo said, “No, not like him. More like the other way around. You have to figure it out. Words don’t get far with my little sister if you haven’t noticed.” Kasumi used her hand to gently turn the younger woman and gave Ranma a push out the door.

She shambled back toward her and the panda’s room next to the stair and toed the door open. Ranma dropped her shopping bags. She did not want to leave them unattended but realized that if the panda felt like it, anything could happen to them and their contents. Her backpack was wadded up inside the one with her school uniform and other clothes she wore that morning so she pulled it out and fished out a marker. In as steady a hand has she could manage, she drew a panda head on the full bag of new clothes that ended up looking more like Mickey Mouse. Then, she added a circle running around it and a line bisecting it at an angle. “There! No panda’s allowed!”

Capping the marker, she headed back down the stairs and passed Kyouya and Soun on her way to the toilet, after which, she intended on stopping in the washroom to clean the makeup off. That was how Ukyou found her after the chef cleared the outer wall and raced up to the engawa.

“Ran-chan! What’s goin-” Ukyou stopped upon seeing her. “Oh, my God! That old buzzard and blind idiot were right!” Rounding on Kyouya, she screamed, “You! This is your fault!”

Kyouya stood from the shoji game Soun no-doubt convinced him to participate in and stepped out onto the engawa and knelt to put himself closer to Ukyou’s eyelevel. “What is my fault? If you explain, perhaps I can correct it.”

Ranma grew worried for Kyouya’s safety. Ukyou didn’t like crap and it sounded like that was what Kyouya was handing her even if Ranma knew differently. “Hey, I know, let’s all go out for ice cream!”

“I left Konatsu in charge to find out why Mousse called you a flaming faggot! I’m not going out to eat ice cream! I want to know what’s going on with you and what he’s got to do with it!”

Ranma hopped down into the yard and faced her friend. “Asami Kyouya is my friend; just like you are,” she stubbornly declared. “Maybe he ain’t my best friend but he’s up there.”

Kyouya unwisely said, “I am Saotome Ranma-chan’s boyfriend.”

Ukyou’s head swiveled between the two of them, a grimace growing on her face. “He is a guy,” Ranma tried to explain.

The grimace turned into something more painful. “Ran-chan… you jackass,” Ukyou choked out. “If you wanted to marry a man, you could at least’ve told me. I would o’ tried.”

Ranma’s brain lost the battle with her mouth. “But you’re a girl.”

Ukyou reacted badly. “Jackass!” she yelled and swung the flat of her spatula at Ranma’s head but never connected. Kyouya leapt between and blocked the shaft with is forearm making a meaty sound with a dull crack.

Ranma, Ukyou and Soun stared in horror at Kyouya’s arm bent at an unnatural angle. Ranma knew Kyouya wasn’t a real person so she took the damage less personally. Of course, Kyouya made the situation worse by not reacting at all to being damaged so severely. Soun’s newly lit cigarette dropped out of his mouth and into his lap to join the other tiny burn holes accumulated over the years but the scene was too much for Ukyou. Tears held back suddenly flooded her eyes. She covered her mouth and fled the compound leaping over the wall.

“Oh, crap,” Ranma whispered. Louder, she turned to stare at Kyouya’s broken arm asking, “Are you okay?”

Kyouya answered, “I am damaged.”

Soun burst into tears and ran to offer unneeded and unwanted assistance.

“Stay there,” Ranma ordered more calmly than she felt and raced around into the genkan and upstairs to her room. Soon, she was able to find Yuuno Chiaki’s business card and raced back down to the telephone in the hall.

“What happened?” Akane called in concern, having followed Ranma down the stairs after hearing the urgent activity.

“U-chan took a swing at me,” Ranma answered distractedly as she began dialing. “Kyouya got in the way. His arm’s broke.”

Akane left to run out looking for Kyouya but soon Kasumi and Nabiki were attracted by the growing panic and their crying father.

“Yuuno-san,” Ranma began the moment the other side connected, “Kyouya’s been hurt. His arm’s broken! I don’t know what to do. Do… do you need to pick him up, or should I bring him back to his apartment?”

“Hold on, Saotome-san,” Chiaki replied, “There is a call coming in from Yamachu-bucho.”

“Huh? How can you tell?”

“Scientific genius; hold please.”

Ranma waited glancing down the hall listening to the growing panic over Kyouya. The line was quiet and hadn’t gone to the dial tone or busy signal so she figured it might still be good. There was no music, either. She almost wished there was listening to the questions the others were throwing at Kyouya about why he wouldn’t move when they asked and why he wasn’t acting hurt.

“Mermen only die if you chop their head off!” Soun declared. “Saotome-kun explained it all to me.”

Ranma bit her lower lip. ‘Come on. Hurry up!’

Chiaki was suddenly back on the telephone line. “Saotome-san, Yamachu-bucho and the team are on their way. Are there others around the prototype?”

Ranma nodded. “Yeah. The Tendo’s are tryin’ to help.”

“Tell them Kyouya’s parents are both coming to pick him up. Hospitals for humans will not work so they will take him to be healed by his own people. Can you repeat what I just said?”

“You said his parents are coming to pick him up ‘cause mermen can’t use hospitals for people.”

“Close enough. Remember, his parents are coming. Human hospitals are bad. His people will heal him.”

“Got it. Anything else?”

“Thank you for calling promptly, Saotome-san. If you could accompany the prototype, I’m sure the team would like more details and feedback.”

“Okay.”

“Then, thank you for calling Chronos Heaven. Please treat our products favorably and have a nice day,” Chiaki said and hung up.

Ranma stared at the receiver a few seconds before hanging up her end, too. ‘Have a nice day?’

She pocketed the business card, remembering Nabiki and her sticky fingers, before proceeding to the genkan and gathering hers and Kyouya’s shoes. Ranma found Kyouya stubbornly standing in the same place she told him to while the Tendo family tried coaxing him to sit, if not lay, on the engawa. “Kyouya, can you put your shoes on with one hand like that?”

He nodded while four pairs of wide eyes stared at them in surprise. She dropped his shoes and arranged them so he could slip his feet in. His broken arm was growing an angry red and purple around the damage but it did not spread down to the hand like it would on a human. He couldn’t move his fingers much, though. It seemed they were attached to the forearm like it is for real humans.

Ranma slipped her feet back into her new, oversized sandals just as the rumble of a truck approached the gate. “Kyouya, I called your parents. They’re coming to pick you up. That’s prob’ly them, now.”

“But Ranma, he needs to go to the hospital,” Kasumi replied somewhat breathless. Akane and Nabiki were just wide-eyed.

There was a knock at the front gate. “Come on, Kyouya.”

Now, Kyouya moved and walked straight after Ranma for the front gate. When she opened the gate, there stood Yuuno Chiaki and Yamachu Masunori wearing concerned expressions. They also wore the odd makeup designs on their faces and steam-punk outfits. The Tendo family went silent at the clinical treatment the apparent father gave the bent arm and bright smile the apparent mother gave Ranma and the Tendo family.

“Saotome-san, could you please accompany Kyouya with us? I am sure he would very much appreciate it,” Chiaki asked with as sunny disposition.

Ranma looked backward to Akane who stared blankly a few seconds more before gathering her wits. “Ranma, don’t forget Kyouya’s clothes,” she reminded and hurriedly slipped back into the genkan to grab his bags.

Ranma met her half way. “Thanks, Akane-chan.”

“Will you be home for dinner?” Kasumi asked now that it seemed in doubt.

The trouble was, Ranma was no longer sure. She did not know how long they’d want her to hang around. She settled for a shrug. “I’ll call when I find out. I… I probably need to talk to U-chan, too.” Akane nodded. Her sisters were still stunned by the alien strangeness of the situation.

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Nabiki stared, aghast, as the white delivery truck pulled away with Ranma and the Asami family inside. Ukyou had totally busted Asami Kyouya’s arm and fled the scene crying! The rest of her family was in shock while Kyouya was the only sane person there and his arm was broken! All the guy could say was, “I am damaged.” It sounded so… so trivial.

Ranma acted like the neighbor’s car had a flat tire rather than her boyfriend having a broken arm. The whole scene was unnerving. Her mind kept coming back to Kyouya’s face and how it did not show the slightest bit of discomfort, much less pain. It lent a strange, surreal credence to the merman explanation as if massive trauma was not something to be concerned about. It also added weight to Ranma’s assertion Kyouya was not human.

Unfortunately for Nabiki, it also meant her perception of the world was woefully inadequate. Ranma’s curse was impossible but comical. So was his father’s and those of their loose associates. There was nothing comical about this particular situation. Ranma had called Kyouya’s parents here. They picked him up and she went along for the ride to their equivalent of a hospital. There was nothing funny there; nothing stupid, either. The phrase, “I am damaged,” seemed woefully inadequate.

She and her sisters were better off than Ukyou, Nabiki guessed. The chef had broken Kyouya’s arm. Nabiki’s mind shied away from the implication of responsibility Ukyou probably felt. It was not good for her mental health to consider such things.

A giant panda in a dougi leapt over the wall holding a sign that said, “I’m home.” Nabiki knew she and her family looked unnerved standing just inside the front gate. That probably explained why the panda’s sign flipped over to ask, “What happened? Where’s Ranma?”

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Kyouya sat in the big leather-looking chair surrounded by steam gauges with glowing dials, hoses, and an assortment of wires leading to blinking panels of colorful lights. Ranma sat in Yamanaka Hiroki’s chair while the truck moved with a subtle and gently sway. The chair’s owner was securing Kyouya to his throne. She spared a brief glance toward Yuugama Yui who was busily typing on a strange keyboard with far too many keys. Tiny dots of light that Ranma guessed were from the typewriter scrolled across Yui’s goggles as the older woman stared at Kyouya. A whole burst of dots cascaded quickly before stopping in a new pattern. ‘Whoh, geeky,’ she thought.

Ranma didn’t know any nerdy women. Most were smarter than she was but weren’t like the really nerdy boys that built models or gossiped incessantly over some super cool thing on a plastic square they laughingly called a disk. That reminded Ranma of a package of guy’s underpants she saw in Mushi’s today. It was painted to look like the waist of a robot shown on the plastic. The blue and white robot had an excessively large, red package between its legs that made her almost laugh out loud. It was too sick to look at, though, so she settled for avoiding it like the plague. It was in the men’s section and she worried its mere presence could pollute her mind just thinking about who would buy them.

Giant robots with exaggerated anatomy aside, Ranma had a very real robot to worry about. “Will he be all right?” she asked Yamachu Masunori, team leader, the moment the man put the telephone handset back in its cradle by his fold-down desk in the rear.

“Absolutely,” he replied as if there were no doubt. Ranma decided to take him at his word. They were the geeks, after all. Masunori went on to explain, “We wanted you here to answer a few questions about the data we’ve been collecting and about the incident that damaged the protoype’s right forearm.”

“Sure,” Ranma replied not quite as sure as she sounded. Visions of having her pay docked and being fired threw a wet blanket over her already tattered mood.

Masunori stood and motioned for Ranma to take his chair so Kazeyama Hiroki could attend his station. After they were resettled, Hiroki began. “Yuugama Yui is occupied with backing up the prototype so I’ll start. Did you see what caused the damage to its arm, and can you describe it?”

Ranma took a breath and explained, “My friend, Kuonji Ukyou hit it with her spatula. She was tryin’ to hit me but Kyouya blocked it.”

“Spatula?” Hiroki asked sounding surprised.

“Yeah, U-chan’s spatula, her big one, is big – and heavy, too. She hit him with the shaft near the head.” Ranma tried to explain Ukyou’s spatula and they quickly understood it wasn’t food-sized; it was giant-sized and made of steel. “She was gonna hit me with the flat part but he caught it at the end of the handle.”

“Okay, that makes a little more sense. It must have been swung hard,” he commented.

She agreed. “U-chan’s pretty strong an’ really knows how to use her spatula. I think it freaked her out seeing his arm bent. Will it take long to heal?”

Hiroki shook his head. “Actually, we’re pretty lucky. If the spatula had hit the prototype in the hand, wrist or elbow, there could have been more damage than that.

“Why?” Ranma could not help but ask.

“More parts may have been involved making it expensive and difficult to repair. As it is, I only have to replace two parts,” Hiroki stated.

“Really?”

“I have over-simplified the explanation so you would understand.”

“Okay.”

“Saotome-san,” Masunori said, entering the conversation, “it concerns me how frequently the prototype requires repair.”

The broken arm stirred sympathetic pain in her own body that was hard enough to ignore. Here was Kyouya’s “father” starting on a lecture over the safety of his “son.” Ranma became defensive. “I didn’t ask him to defend me!”

“I think you misunderstand. The prototype is supposed to defend you. I am concerned it is unable to do one of its primary functions. We are hoping you had some suggestions for improvement or could lend insight into its failure,” Masunori answered, taking the conversation in an unexpected direction.

Ranma blinked and got her breathing under control but her blood still ran with adrenaline and body numbed with sympathetic endorphins. “I… think, maybe, he needs to be tougher,” she allowed.

“How much tougher do you think he will need to be?” Masunori asked.

Her ability to think slowly returned. “Well, he probably needs to be as tough as me and as strong and fast, too.” Ranma gave it some more thought. “That’ll be kind o’ hard, I know, but he should at least be better than my fiancées.”

“Would you mind showing us so we have a better understanding of the requirements?” Hiroki asked, reentering the conversation.

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A battered and tattered looking Mousse shuffled his way through the front door of U-chan’s restaurant. Ukyou’s bloodshot eyes widened in surprise at his growing penchant for masochism but the incident at Tendo-ke had bled her enthusiasm for fighting.

“I stopped by last time to offer an alliance,” Mousse said and sat heavily at an empty table close to the grill.

She considered his words while watching the food as it cooked. At last, she flipped the two cabbage cakes and could begin mashing them with her spatula. “What kind of alliance?”

“Saotome is not fit to marry Shampoo. He’s starting to act like a homo,” Mousse said loudly enough for her customers to hear.

“Konatsu-kun,” Ukyou quietly called.

“Yes, Ukyou-sama,” her waitress demurely answered.

Mousse continued to talk, oblivious to the growing peril. “I thought that, because you two are cross-dressers, you could help me show my beloved how wrong she is to want his hand in marriage. You know, maybe pretend to be gay, yourselves. Once Shampoo sees that Saotome is one sick puppy, you could pick him up, easy. He’d probably like that. You’d only have to worry about Tendo Akane, then.”

“Please see Mousse gets back to the Nekohanten alive. Beyond that, feel free to explain to that jackass how much I disapprove of his proposal for an alliance.”

Mousse’s face showed alarm but it quickly faded when Konatsu, smiling brightly, gently helped him up and led him to the door. They departed together peacefully. Konatsu seemed in great spirits. Ukyou smiled. Enough of Mousse would return to Shampoo for her to finish him off. These thoughts warmed her almost as much as the grill. Still smiling, she squashed an okonomiyaki until its juices sizzled and squealed under her spatula.



Later, when the evening rush began to trail off to a comfortable stream of customers, Ranma showed up in her door. He waved a greeting to Konatsu making his way toward a seat at the grill.

“Hey,” he said.

“The usual?” she asked.

He nodded and soon Konatsu arrived with cup and small teapot. “Thanks, Konatsu-chan,” Ranma said with a tired smile. Konatsu answered with a brighter one and went back to waiting tables.

“So, what’s with the new outfit, Ran-chan?” she began, deciding to start with small talk.

“Well, you know how I came to school this morning?” he said, reminder her of the blouse and jumper. “Kyouya needed some new clothes for his school an’ his parents gave him some money to go shopping. For lookin’ after him, they gave him some money for me, too. This is what I got; well, some of it.” He paused and showed off his fishing vest. Then, he held it open so she could see the goth design on the black tee-shirt.

“That’s different,” she allowed.

Ranma shrugged apathetically, “Meh. I put it together out of the clearance racks.” She quirked an eyebrow and gave a nod toward the accomplishment while finishing the mix. A moment later, she was spooning the thick aggregate onto the grill. “The Tendo girls went with me,” Ranma added. “We ended up getting some clothes for my girl side, too.” Ukyou hid her start over his admission and hurt at being excluded. “They want to go to the beach, tomorrow. I wanted to see if you an’ Konatsu-chan want to come, too.”

Now, Ukyou was really surprised. “What?” she asked, flipping four cabbage cakes on the grill to her right.

“Kyouya’s all right, you know,” Ranma offhandedly stated. “He’s coming tomorrow. His parents thought it would be a good idea. They wanted to see how well he could swim with human legs is what they said.”

Ukyou did not know how to respond. She was relieved the guy whose arm she broke was going to be okay but her relationship with Ranma kept becoming more and more marginalized. ‘I wonder if he’s just askin’ out of giri,’ she thought. It felt uncomfortable thinking Ranma was including her out of duty to their friendship rather than actually wanting to.

“He’s not human, you know,” Ranma unexpectedly said into the conversational vacuum. Ukyou nodded and sent him a strained smile. He went on to say, “He’s not mad at you, either, except maybe for takin’ a swing at me. He really wasn’t hurt. I know that sounds weird and the broken arm made me hurt just lookin’ at it but he… he’s fine, now.”

She flipped his okonomiyaki over and started saucing the other four in preparation for the toppings. The door jingled and Tendo Akane entered easily spotting Ranma at the grill. Ukyou began mixing batter for another. She owed the Tendo family for the trouble that afternoon.

“Hello, Ukyou. Hey, dummy,” Akane greeted them taking a stool next to Ranma’s. “See you washed your face,” she added to Ranma, who made a moue at that.

“Hi there, hon. Sorry about this afternoon,” Ukyou apologized.

“That was really strange,” Akane said without a trace of hostility. “Not you, Asami-san.”

“He’s not human, Tomboy,” Ranma repeated for his un-cute fiancée’s benefit.

“Shut up, moron. He looks normal. Anyway, did Ranma invite you to the beach with us, tomorrow?” Akane asked. Ukyou nodded. “Brink Konatsu, too. Does he have a swimsuit?”

Ukyou nodded, again. “Okay. We can open a stand there, tomorrow. I guess the Nekohanten also be there.”

Ranma shook his head. Akane answered, “Ranma isn’t very happy with them. That stuff in school, you know.”

Sighing, Ukyou felt a little better. “Mousse was here bein’ a total jackass. He was so stupid, he came back for more. Konatsu-chan took care of him the second time.”

“No wonder Shampoo don’t like him,” Ranma grumbled.

The door chimes jingled to admit a prune on a stick. “Just the group I was looking for,” Cologne cackled and hopped over to claim her own stool at the grill. “I must apologize for Mr. Part-time’s foolishness, Ukyou-chan,” Cologne announced. “I came to offer an explanation, or two,” she said, sending a sidelong glance to Ranma beside her. “Good evening, Son-in-law.”

Ranma crossed his arms and pouted. Konatsu arrived a moment later with more tea and tea cups for the two newcomers. Ukyou motioned for him to stay close by partly in case someone needed help leaving and partly because he should know about the beach tomorrow.

“Awfully quiet, you four are,” Cologne laughed. “Well, I’ll get right down to business. First, I came to inform you I have a plan to help Mr. Part-time get over his homophobia and broaden his tiny mind enough so he isn’t so much of an embarrassment to the Joketsu. You will all be participating in it.”

“What? No way!” Ranma protested.

Cologne laughed in response. It was horrible.

“What is it?” Konatsu genuinely asked.

“I’ll let you kids know when I’ve worked out the details,” she cackled merrily. More seriously, she explained, “In Joketsu society, yaoi romance is quite popular with young warriors; especially during the bi-annual training camps where there are no boys to satisfy their adolescent curiosity. The girls exchange stories and often bring scrolls or books detailing popular boy-boy fantasies. Most grow out of it within a few years when the boys in their age groups begin trying to win their favor. The problem the boys have is that the girls sometimes pressure them to act out some of their fantasies. Mousse, because of his pretty face, was a perennial target for such pressuring. He countered that only by constant training and tailing Shampoo. My Great Granddaughter spent more time training than others, too, and Mousse’s constant shadow irritated her. Shampoo was his place of safety. She handily defeated those of her age group that challenged her. However, until Mousse learned Hidden Weapons, he was at risk of being co-opted into the kind of pandering some of the boys used to win the girls’ favor.

“Ah, I still remember some of the torrid romance tales from my youth. Sharpie, a powerful and well-bred Joketsu male was indecisive when it came to petitioning the young warriors in the village and he secretly yearned to be a woman. So, when he met Calpis, a strong, but shy and obedient, farmer from the outlands, he was surprised by the mutual attraction that consumed them both. At this point in the story, half the warriors in the training camp would suddenly feel the need for a walk or decided to curl up in their tents for the night. Hahaha! Such is youth. Anyway, as the story goes, the shy farmer, Calpis restored Sharpie’s confidence and encouraged him to return to his village and present an official challenge to the available warriors to defeat and claim him.”

Ukyou, like Ranma, was slack-jawed at the story. Akane was red as a tomato, which reminded Ukyou to mind the okonomiyaki. Konatsu asked, “Is that different than how Ranma-sama won Shampoo?”

Cologne answered, “For a Joketsu male, he must fight challenge matches for marriage. Only a woman who can defeat him has the right to lay claim but, at the same time, the woman must approve of his strength as a near match for her own. If the boy throws a challenge, it means he is not that interested. The same thing goes if the girl throws the match. However, if she’s defeated then she’s below him in skill. The boy’s mother usually will not allow it. Parents want their boys matched with the best warriors, after all.”

“Oh, I see,” Ranma commented as if it made perfect sense. Maybe it did from his point of view although he sounded a lot like his father, pretending to understand when, in fact, he had no clue.

“So,” Akane hesitantly put in, “Mousse was sexually harassed by boys?”

Cologne grinned. “That is for him to tell. I do not know.”

“I guess I can understand perverted boys traumatizing people,” Akane admitted. “Why is yaoi so popular, though?”

“Think about it, girl. You’re stuck in a group of other girls with no boys. Everyone competes against each other while learning to fight together. A story with two pretty boys falling in love has no rivals. The young warrior in training can fantasize about both of them and how she’ll treat them like they want and give love where and how they need it. It turns into a typical harem fantasy; much like Son-in-law has,” Cologne pointedly said to Ranma.

The loose-haired, goth fisherman made a sour face. “What part of getting my ass kicked around by tomboys everyday is a fantasy, Old Ghoul?”

Cologne cackled madly but spared a moment to whack him over the head with her staff. Akane patiently waited for Ranma to recover before she smashed his face into the countertop for a little of her own retaliation. Ukyou shot her a glare, moving her hand behind her neck toward the battle spatula slung there. Cologne laughed harder.

Tension slowly eased leaving Ranma grumbling about un-cute tomboys when Cologne surprised them, again. “The second reason I came looking for you is to explain that Son-in-law’s recent behavior changes are part of his curse; a natural part.”

“How so, Elder?” Akane asked.

“Son-in-law is adjusting, mentally, to being a woman half the time. It is perfectly natural he would feel attraction to men; most often when he is a young woman.” The silence in the restaurant was amazing. The other customers were obviously listening, too. Only the sizzling of steaming okonomiyaki convinced Ukyou she wasn’t dreaming.

“No way! You take that back!” Ranma yelled, fists balled in anger.

“Take the truth back? I think not,” Cologne calmly replied. “It was only a matter of time. However, attraction does not mean you’ll marry the first man you find off the street. You wouldn’t marry the Kuno boy, would you?”

“No way!” Ranma confidently responded, even if irritated. “Just because someone makes me feel weird when I’m a girl doesn’t mean I am one.” Cologne smiled a grotesque smile in response. Ranma fell for the feint. “I’m not a girl!”

“I would not have taught you all that I have if you did not have some girl in you, Son-in-law.”

“You taught Ryouga,” Ranma belligerently pointed out.

“I taught him a male technique; one suited for his lack of finesse,” she replied. “I taught you true warriors’ techniques,” she stated with a smirk. “I taught Hibiki to be a tough training partner but I stopped when I considered how close you two were as rivals.” Ukyou saw Ranma’s face go slack in stunned confusion. Cologne explained, “Intense rivalries often lead to one person killing the other or…” she dragged out, “marriage.”

Ukyou knew her eyes were just as bugged out as everyone else’s. “Now, wait a minute. They’re not like that,” she protested on her friend’s behalf. “Ran-chan only likes girls.” As soon as the words came out of her mouth, she knew the truth of that statement was now in doubt. Mousse said it. Shampoo implied it. Cologne suggested it. Ranma was intensely embarrassed by it.

Akane was the one to come to Ranma’s rescue. “Just because Ranma might find one boy who isn’t even human a little bit attractive doesn’t mean he’s going to turn into the school slut, okay? Ranma will marry me! I’ll take care of him even when he’s a girl if I need to!”

Ranma’s okonomiyaki started to smell overly done. She scraped it off the grill and quickly topped it before sliding the plate in front of him. The distraction worked as she watched the smell eradicate anger from her fiancé. She flipped Akane’s over and looked up to find Cologne gone already.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Sunday morning, the sun was shining and the air was a comfortable nineteen degrees promising real heat by mid-morning. Ranma woke after an uncomfortable night’s sleep. His neck was kinked and would be stiff until he could work the muscles out. Sounds of muted conversation and occasional clanks were heard downstairs. He twisted over and found his father was missing, no doubt down sipping tea and staring at the yard while his feet hung off the engawa. Tendo Soun was also probably sipping tea and reading the daily paper at the table. Sighing, he sat up and wiped the sleep from his eyes. A few minutes later, his futon was folded in the closet and he was on his way down to the toilet and wash room.

“Good morning, Ranma-kun,” Kasumi greeted him as he made his way through the kitchen.

“Mornin’, Kasumi-san,” he mumbled.

On his way around the engawa, his father said, still staring out at the koi pond, “I put your things away for you last night. Never know when the Master might show up. Best not to leave your things out like that.”

Ranma considered what things his father meant before nodding. “Thanks, Pop.” Yes, the old pervert finding her new clothes would have been a disaster. “Hope he stays gone for a while.”

His father grunted and began mumbling a Buddhist chant with a sprinkling of anti-pervert wards. Ranma left him alone hoping the prayers would work. He used the toilet and found Nabiki in the change room brushing her teeth. Her hair looked funny having been slept on but he wasn’t about to point it out. She glared at him in the mirror, anyway; probably because his hair was back in a neat pigtail. He quietly waited his turn at the sink having learned some time ago that starting a conversation with Nabiki when her mouth was full of toothpaste is a bad idea.

She spit and rinsed her mouth off, cleaned her toothbrush and stuck the handle in the holder. Next, she washed and dried her face. Now, Ranma could speak without risking Nabiki’s revenge. “Mornin’ Nee-san,” he murmured. It was the most polite and flattering thing he could come up with so early but it tended to work better than overly cheery greetings or calling her Nabiki straight up. She tended to get prickly if he didn’t offer proper respect in the mornings.

“Morning, Ranma-kun. Hurry up and get packed. We’re leaving soon,” Nabiki said on her way out.

Ranma finished cleaning up and returned to his room to find Akane in conversation with his father. His new clothes were laid out on the floor and she was blabbing about how she and Kasumi picked out her new things. His father shot him an odd, questioning look. Ranma shrugged in response hoping not to have to explain. Akane picked out the clothes he’d bring to wear and folded them up so he could put them into his pack.

His father took his own pack and said, “I’m going down to get the rest of the supplies. Kasumi-chan is almost done with the food.” He left the room Ranma and his bossy fiancée.

“Come on, Ranma. Hurry up! It takes forever to get to the beach. We need to get going, now,” Akane badgered. He grumbled at being ordered around but complied, anyway. Akane made him take too much but it wasn’t worth the argument. He eventually kicked her out so he could change out of his pajamas.

Ranma came downstairs carrying his pack and wearing his normal Chinese tangs to find the genkan already being stacked with baggage for the all-day excursion. The sun was just peeking over the horizon and it would be hours before they reached their destination. In the side pockets of his backpack were schoolbooks and supplies for study. Long train rides were hell and they’d have two of them, today, during which Akane would force him to study.

The bell at the gate rang. Ranma said, “I’ll get it,” and went to see who it was.

Outside were Kyouya and his parents Asami Masunori and Chiaki. Kyouya wore the black swimming trunks and a white tee-shirt under a Tokyo Tigers hoodie. “Good morning, Ranma-chan,” Kyouya brightly greeted him.

His parents echoed with less personal, “Good morning, Saotome-san.” They wore pretty much the same things they always did, minus Masunori’s lab coat, but they weren’t packing anything, which had Ranma confused as to whether they were really going, or not.

Ranma heard Kasumi call inside the house, “Did everyone remember to bring a jacket just in case?”

“Welcome to my home, Asami-san. We are almost ready to leave,” Soun announced.

“Mornin’ Ran-chan,” Ukyou greeted him as she and Konatsu stepped through the gate, too. He noted Ukyou eyed Kyouya and his parents warily. Both were dressed according to their shinobi customs and both wore heavy packs. They held a big cooler between them. No doubt most of it was food and cooking equipment.

Ranma found himself helping with the greetings and introductions in the flurry of activity that followed. Then, another miracle occurred. Ono Tofu-sensei arrived starting another round of introductions. Soon enough, the rest of the family gathered in the yard trying to remember if they forgot anything. Akane handed him a faded red pull-over sweater with half-length zipper to wear if he got cold. He took it without argument because, while he wasn’t particularly cold at the moment, he had hours of travel sitting or standing still to go just under a hundred kilometers. One never knew when a water accident would change him for the day into a smaller body. Akane and her sisters were already wearing jackets or sweaters over their sundresses or, in Nabiki’s case, khaki slacks and blouse. His father and Tendo Soun rarely wore anything other than close copies of their favorite clothes. The panda he could almost understand but Tendo-san needed serious help with his wardrobe. It wasn’t like he couldn’t afford clothes like the Saotome family.

Before they left, Kyouya’s parents announced they had some errands to do and would join them at the beach. Then, the nine of them left for the station. They had hours to go and it would be nearly lunch before they got there. Fortunately, Kasumi had sack of store-bought mochi they could snack on for breakfast. Drinks, of course, were available in overwhelming variety through the vending machines present at every stop.



Travel was boring, yet tiring. Changing subways and trains, buying tickets, getting pestered into doing homework on the longer legs of the journey were all things he could do without. Fortunately, he stayed dry the whole time. Akane and Kyouya both helped him avoid people with drinks in their hands so his mood was pretty good by the time they reached the beach.

When they got off the train at Sanmu in Naruto-machi, Chiba, Ukyou, Kyouya and Tendo-san all purchased tickets for a bus at the station that would take them right to a public change house on the beach.

Ranma sat next to Akane on the bus at Soun and his father’s insistence. It wasn’t like they hadn’t sat or stood together most of the trip but the parents forced Kyouya across the aisle in another row in a blatant attempt to separate them. When the bus stopped for the last time announcing their destination, it was time. Akane dug a small water bottle out of her purse and handed it to him.

He sighed and twisted the cap off dumping a little on his head to change. She put the cap back on and gave it to her fiancée. Akane put it away while Ranma adjusted her clothes and temporarily slipped the sweater on. “Ranma, we’ll have fun, today. I promise. Just don’t do anything perverted and I won’t have to hit you.”

“Gee, thanks,” Ranma returned, sarcastically.

“I’m just kidding, dummy,” Akane said with a gentle smile.

“Really?” Ranma asked in surprise.

“But I will hit you if you insult me,” she said in total seriousness.

They all got off the bus. The women formed a group and headed for the change house leaving the men to do what they wanted. This was a big moment for Ranma. She’d never been invited to change with the women and was turning into a ball of nerves the closer they got to the door marked “women.”

A moment later, Akane pushed her through. After negotiating the short maze inside, it looked like an ordinary change room but did not smell like a bunch of sweaty guys. In fact, it smelled like soap and beach and bath-house cleaners. Akane’s sisters and Ukyou were wasting no time. Kasumi was pulling her sundress off so she could exchange her underwear for her bathing suit. Nabiki shucked her slacks and tossed them on the bench. Ukyou turned away from Ranma but went about unwrapping her chest.

“Don’t just stand there, dummy. Strip!” Akane huffed.

Red-faced, Ranma, too, turned so no one would see her embarrassment and started with the sweater she’d put on a few minutes before. Her pack sat ominously leaning against the yellow-painted cinder-block wall beside her. The side of the room she faced held a long row of curtained showers. Behind was a wide central group of benches running down the middle of this side of the change room and a long countertop with sinks in front of a mirror.

She left her boxers on after mostly undressing and opened her backpack to pull out the white sundress printed with random pale purple lilacs Akane picked out for her, yesterday. She laid it over the bench and bent again to fish out her swimsuits. She had two; one she picked and Kyouya bought, and one Akane picked that also Kyouya bought. Her favorite was the one she picked, herself, of course. It was a yellow one-piece with red side panels. The upper back was mostly open with the shoulder straps forming an X behind to allow the most arm movement. The front was well covered to prevent wardrobe accidents like what might happen if she moved too much in the suit Akane picked.

Her fiancée’s choice was a white, string bikini set with little red strawberries printed all over. Ranma took the set, knowing Akane would have a fit if she didn’t wear it, and retreated around the shower island to change in one of the traditional toilet stalls. She needed to use one, anyway. When she came back to wash her hands and put her boxers in her pack, Nabiki and Akane were watching the stuff while Kasumi and Ukyou took care of business.

Nabiki looked her over, head to toe, and frowned while Akane smiled. While Ranma was basking in Akane’s approval, Nabiki pulled an object from her duffle bag and tossed it at Ranma, who caught it and found a plastic-handled razor in her hand. She darted to the mirror in alarm and felt over her face for whiskers.

“You show her, little sis,” Nabiki said. “You’ll probably need scissors, too. See if big sis has any.”

The next twenty minutes were best left out Ranma’s memory. When she and Akane finally emerged, last, from the change room, both were flushed from the humiliation of the experience. “You’d better learn to do that yourself, dummy, without me having to talk you through it and definitely without having to check if you did it right!”

Any protest Ranma could think of reminded her of the impromptu trim and shave so she decided to ignore the whole thing, including Akane. She could not believe how difficult it was to get it even. That patch of hair was a lot smaller now and she could just hear the laughter from the guys at school when he cleaned up after gym tomorrow.

The two of them strode out of the change house in silence though their minds were clamoring with thoughts they could barely control. Ranma wore the lilac sundress Akane chose over the strawberry print bikini. In one hand was her backpack. The other held her wide brimmed, woven straw hat with purple ribbon wrapped around the headband. She wore a pair of old purple-thronged sandals Akane brought from the shoe rack at home.

Akane wore what Ranma helped chose at the Mushi department store. The sundress was nominally white but filled yellow lemon cross sections everywhere except on the subtly puffed sleeves which gathered into a yellow band. A wide decorative sash of shimmering red material wrapped her waist making Akane look like a sunset. She wore her own, matching red sandals. The suit Ranma chose was a slightly visible greenish outline under her sundress but was a brilliant teal bikini. The top was strapless. Ranma figuratively kicked herself for picking out clashing items. Then again, Akane tended to like stuff like that.

Toward the beach, they followed a short sidewalk that ended in a long stretch of sand to the beach and leading off forever to the sides. Akane spotted her family about a hundred meters off to the left half way between the surf and the weedy scrub. “Ranma, I’m going to hold your hand, now. Only because our fathers expect us to,” Akane said in a tone that warned her to shut the hell up if she knew what was good for her.

Suddenly remembering, Ranma asked as Akane took her hand, “Hey, did your dad give you a lecture last night? Pop was like, ‘I don’t know what you and the Tendo girls were doing yesterday afternoon but remember your mother and remember your commitment to join the schools,’ blah, blah, blah.”

“Daddy took me out to the dojo for a long, long talk about the duties of a wife and the duties of a husband. Did he do that to you, too?” Akane asked.

Ranma shook her head. “Not yet. Sounds wonderful.” They let silence take over as they neared the family beach-camp. Three large umbrellas the fathers brought provided the only shade in the area. Underneath were several overlapping beach blankets of varying design to keep the sand at bay. She rolled her eyes upon seeing the approving looks of their fathers. ‘Stupid, meddling, jerks,’ she thought but it could have been much worse.

Kasumi was the first to comment. “Oh, my! You two look so cute together! Don’t you think so, too, Ono-san?”

Tofu only had eyes, glassy ones at that, for Kasumi but there was no mind behind them. “O-of course, my Princess. I’d l-love to~!”

Ranma rolled her eyes but, when she looked back, Kasumi caught her gaze and gave her a wink. It had been Ranma’s idea for her to dress up as much like a fairy princess as she could in the hope that he’d forget all about Betty and act more like her prince. Kasumi’s sundress was white with fancy lace and trimmed in blue. Where Akane’s shoulders were only slightly puffed, Kasumi’s were more exaggerated and ruffled. She wore glittering tiara made by spraying glue on child’s tiara and rolling it in silvered sparkles. Her hair was braided and a filmy blue veil ran from her improved hundred yen crown. The same glitter was applied to an old pair of sandals. Kasumi was the only girl there who wore makeup although it wasn’t much more than red lipstick and a little mascara. Sill, Ranma could not hold back the spontaneous snickering.

Akane dropped to her knees in front of Tofu and pled, “Please look after Princess Kasumi for she will one day become queen of the Tendo-people. She must marry a prince! Do you know of one who is worthy? Please, Teacher, please describe the man who is worthy of our princess!”

Ranma bit her lip and tried not to bust a gut. Tofu-sensei was dazed and confused. He turned from Akane back to Kasumi. The older woman smiled warmly at him while trying to look as regal and dignified as she could for a woman used to serving tea and spending her days in the kitchen and laundry. Soun stared curiously. Nabiki stared coolly. Genma was busy inflating the beach ball and Ukyou and Konatsu were finishing their portable restaurant. With nothing better to do, Ranma decided to help.

“Eeeee!” She squealed in feminine excitement darting behind Tofu to lean on his back with all of her assets. She used a finger to play with his hair. Speaking cutely very close to his ear, she said, “I know a prince who’s strong and brave and very, very smart. That’s you, sensei. Are you going to marry Kasumi-oneesama?” Ranma’s tone and proximity only added to his blood pressure as she strove to brainwash the smitten doctor. “You could marry the Princess, you know,” she purred.

“Oh, my, Princess Ranma-chan,” Kasumi gasped with exaggerated shock, “you can be so forward sometimes! Perhaps I am below Prince Ono’s notice. I ask only that, if he does not desire one so beneath his station as myself, he would please describe someone more appropriate for someone with so small a kingdom as mine.”

Tofu’s mouth hung open. He stared openly at Kasumi. His brain was probably deep fried by then. Ranma pouted and slid around his side so Tofu could see Kasumi over her shoulder. “Onee-chama, I think Tofu-sensei should be the only one to see your perfect figure.” She leaned forward again capturing his shoulder between her breasts and whispered in his ear. “Wouldn’t you like to see more of her? You could if you got married. You could see her creamy breasts, her tight waist, her long silky thighs…” Ranma was feeling a little warm, herself and decided to quit the teasing before she got into more trouble.

It was a good thing she did. One look into is beet-red face and heavily-fogged glasses told her to clear the area. “Towel!” she yelled in a panic. Akane, still gaping at her, flicked a folded towel her way and Ranma stuffed it into the chiropractor’s face just as the blood began spewing violently out his nose.

“Oh, dear,” Kasumi giggled.

Shakily, Ranma still kept a hold on the towel wadded in Tofu’s face as she lowered his body to the beach blanket. Kasumi got up and knelt so Ranma could set Tofu’s head on another folded towel laid across Kasumi’s legs. “That should help him mellow out,” Ranma nervously explained.

“Unless he bleeds to death,” Nabiki commented.

“I guess I’ll just have to nurse him back to health,” Kasumi said with a resigned sigh and huge grin.

Ranma cautiously lifted the towel from Tofu’s face, one eye closed and as far from him as she could get in case blood was still squirting but it had stopped leaving a bloody smear on his face and the unfortunate towel. “Uhh, why don’ I go try to wash this before it stains an’ gets all yucky,” Ranma said, rather weakly. It was gross, after all.

“Yes, that’s a very good idea. Thank you, Ranma-chan. Akane-chan, could you help her? I’m afraid I may be her a while,” Kasumi said, still smiling.

“Good idea!” Soun crowed. “I need to speak with your sisters, Akane.”

Ranma and Akane took the hint and headed back toward the change house. “Wait! I’ll come with you,” Nabiki piped in.

“Daughter, I need to speak with you a moment,” Soun ominously declared. “Stay right here.”

Sloughing through the sand, Akane took Ranma’s hand and leaned in to whisper, “You brought that extra bathing suit. You might have to let Nabiki borrow it.”

Ranma did not like the idea of loaning her favorite suit to Nabiki but that filmy wrap Nabiki wore around her hips did not cover the fact she wore a sky-blue micro-bikini that barely covered her nips and lips. “Man! I our bikinis are small. I didn’t think she’d actually buy that thing she tried on in the store.” Something else occurred to her. “Hey, Akane, do you think she shaved everything?”

“Shut up, moron. Don’t stare at my sister there!”

“I didn’t! Would I have to ask if I did?”

“Shut up! Should I ask if you shaved your armpits just because I’m curious?”

“Um, no?”

“Idiot. Go back and borrow the razor, again. You might as well wash the towel in the shower while you’re shaving.”

“But I just took a cold shower!” Ranma whined. “There’s no hot water at the beach!”

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

When Akane returned towing a disconsolate and damp Ranma by the hand, Kasumi, her father, and Tofu-sensei were strolling the line of surf together. ‘It’s about time,’ Akane thought, guessing this was a talk about their future. Ukyou was lying under the umbrella’s shade on a beach blanket. Akane thought her rivals black bikini was as unflattering as possible for a bikini. The top looked like a sports bra. The bottom wasn’t much better. Saotome oji-san was snoring softly in the shade. ‘Sometimes I forget he’s older than Daddy. Where’s Konatsu-kun and Asami-kun?’ she wondered. Nabiki sat with her arms wrapped around her knees in the center of the umbrella triangle, with a towel wrapped around her body and a sour look plastered on her face. It wasn’t hard to guess why.

“Ranma brought an extra swimsuit. You might as well borrow it,” Akane told her sister. Nabiki turned her face away with a sniff. “She’s never worn it if that’s what you’re afraid of.” There was no reaction. “It’s yellow, like gold.”

“I saw it,” Nabiki muttered. “I’m just waiting for Daddy to get farther down the beach. Then, I’ll take off the other way. There are a lot of good looking boys coming in, now.”

“You know, Ukyou-san’s grill will probably attract a lot of them,” Akane mentioned. Nabiki stewed silently.

Ranma crossed her arms and complained, “That’s fine with me. I didn’t want you to wear it, anyway. It’s really expensive. Kyouya showed me the price tag an’ it was, like, twelve thousand, three hundred-something yen!”

“Fine! I’ll take it!” Nabiki bitterly replied and got up to search Ranma’s backpack.

Akane had to forcibly restrain Ranma clamping her hand over her fiancé’s mouth. “You can borrow it, onee-chan.” Nabiki ignored her and retrieved the gold one-piece with spliced red side panels and Mizuko moniker. The color reflected off her eyes making them look eerily like gold coins while the corners of her scowl twitched upward. “Remember the Great Sorting!” Akane warned Nabiki but the older girl was already striding purposefully toward the change house.

Once Nabiki was safely away, Ranma collapsed to the blanket and leaned back propping herself up with her hands. “Oh, man!” she sighed.

“Thank you, Ranma,” Akane said as she, too, sat down. “Was your suit really that expensive?”

Ranma nodded, absently. “I don’t mind if she borrows my stuff. I borrow everyone else’s. That’s s’posed to be a racing suit, though. I kind o’ wanted to try it out.”

“Well, maybe you can try it out, later? Switch with Nabiki,” Akane suggested.

“I don’t think strawberries are Nabiki’s style.”

“Then I’ll switch with her. Then, switch with you. How’s that?”

Ranma gave it some thought and shrugged. Akane saw her glance backward at her sleeping father. “I see a beach ball,” Ranma said. “Want to play dodge ball?”

Akane smiled. “Sure. Ukyou-san, are you in?”

Ukyou rolled onto her side. “Why not? The guys won’t be back for a few minutes. I sent them for sodas and ice. I can charge full price, maybe more, for drinks. No sense letting the cooler go t’ waste once I pull the toppings out, y’ know.”

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Nabiki exited the change room, impressed with the new suit Ranma’s fishy boyfriend bought her. It wasn’t just a famous brand, it was made for serious swimmers and lent an air of awesomeness. She stretched her arms over her head. One hand held the towel her father forced her to wear. Her own suit was wrapped up inside. It would not be cool to have guys think she changed into a less revealing suit.

On her way back to the Tendo camp, she spotted Ranma, Akane, and Ukyou starting what looked like dodge ball but the ball moved so slowly in the air no one could hit anyone else without running up and tagging her. Her sister and Saotome had shed their sundresses. The three of them were starting to attract interested boys. Nabiki hurried back to their camp and tossed the wad at Ranma’s backpack. ‘I want a piece of this action,’ she decided and purposefully made her way toward the group.

“Hey, can I play, too?” she asked and joined before anyone could give it a second thought. The four of them began trying to pass the ball between them but the light breeze was enough to make the game exceedingly difficult. It mattered little, though. The most important thing was for the other girls to have fun trying and attract rich boys who wanted to watch and might pay to participate.

To Nabiki’s surprise, the utter futility of the sport meant she could play on fairly even terms with the athletic nut-balls. She enjoyed it immensely. She also enjoyed the suggestive smiles and looks she got from the guys.

The beach was filling up as it closed in on noon and the air warmed. The ocean breeze picked up and soon the beach ball game became pointless. She sent Ranma running more than once, though, perhaps it was somewhat intentional at times. Finally, Ukyou called a halt to the game when Kyouya and Konatsu returned laden with cases of soda and bags of ice. More than enough hungry looking guys were orbiting the girls.

“Who’s up for the best okonomiyaki in Japan?” she yelled. “Real Kansai cooking here folks and these beauties will be serving!”

‘Not!’ Nabiki thought without letting her smile drop.

She spied Ranma raise her eyebrows at Akane. “Free food,” she said. Akane shrugged, whether in acceptance of the argument or the inevitability of Ranma’s decision. Nabiki picked up her beach ball and took it home.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Serving guests was something Ranma and Konatsu were very, very good at. Konatsu was a highly talented kunoichi and attracted his share of girls using his feminine charms and wearing the tight-fitting trunks Ukyou purchased for him. He, like Akane, served mostly mixed groups of customers. Ranma served primarily the boys. She knew how to work them.

Ranma basked in the attention. She was good looking, if short, and the sundress Akane made her wear again added to the cuteness even as it protected her dubious modesty. ‘Akane-chan’s pretty cute, too,’ Ranma thought eyeing her fiancée serving the two couples on merged blue and white towels.

Kyouya had volunteered, too. Ukyou wasted no time at all directing him toward the “tables” of mostly women. She spied him kneeling in front of a pair of flustered girls and smirked. He didn’t even appreciate their flirting or the effect he had on them.

The only problem was her father. Saotome Genma stood behind and to the side of the grill watching the guests. He was the official bouncer but he spent more time with his eyes on her, than he did the customers. ‘Somethin’s up,’ she thought suspiciously.

Ranma returned to the grill with her latest order. Ukyou was down to one canister of gas. Half her grill was still filled, though with half-sized okonomiyaki and Ranma wondered, not for the first time, at how she could charge full price for a half-sized portion. “One squid, two beef, and one pork, red and green table” Ranma told her friend and copied the order on Ukyou’s note pad.

Ukyou nodded. “Five to six minutes on your red and white table.” That meant the order was coming up next. Ranma went to the ice chest and pulled the three regular and one diet cola for her red and green table. She slipped her note pad through the white ribbon around her waist and tucked her pen behind an ear. She cuddled all four wet bottles into her bosom so they’d leave a damp mark the boys could see and admire before she made her way back to their table. It was fun, sometimes, to play the bumbling airhead and her new sundress and wide-brimmed hat catered to their silly fantasies.

She knelt on the sand before their “table” of joined towels using her free hand to lift the hem of her dress enough to clear her knees. That way, it wouldn’t get ground into, and stained by, the sand. It was also an effective tease. Three of the four guys were staring at her knees. The other gaped at her smile. If Ukyou wanted to do this every weekend during the summer, Ranma would ask get paid a lot. “Three regular colas and one diet. Did I get the order right?” she asked sounding like an easily befuddled girl. One of the boys nodded, glassy-eyed. “Who’s the lucky man with the diet?” she asked, cutely.

After taking care of the red and green table, she headed toward the red and white table when unpleasant jeering erupted in the area. She looked around and spotted Konatsu kneeling beside a mixed table. The women looked embarrassed by their men but weren’t embarrassed enough to put a stop to their comments on Konatsu’s mannerisms.

Ranma was the first to converge on their table but Akane was not far behind and Kyouya probably sensed her change in mood and decided to join them. Ranma knelt, shoulder to shoulder, beside a mentally wounded Konatsu. Ranma opened her mouth and closed it considering that what she was about to say might piss Ukyou off for losing customers.

“Is he really a guy?” one of the two asked with a derisive laugh.

She tried again. “Okyakusama,” she began with a wicked smile, “Konatsu-kun is a shinobi trained as a kunoichi by his evil step mother.” They laughed. Even the two girls did. “Could you please be nicer to him? If you don’t, and you’re super-lucky, that big man in the back will throw you out.” Their smiles faltered but the derision remained. “If you’re unlucky, Konatsu may get upset and kill you all.” The girls laughed, believing it a joke. The guys looked at them as if they were all strange.

Konatsu humbly said, “I would not kill them unless they refused to pay their bill.”

Ranma asked as cutely as she could, “Konatsu-kun, how many kunai do you have on you right now?”

He immediately answered, “Only eight. I…I did not think I would need many coming to the beach.”

“Maybe, if you show our honored customers your kunai, and maybe some bombs or poison needles, if you have them, they’ll understand how manly you are,” she suggested.

Konatsu blushed but flexed his fingers. Heavy, iron, five-inch long blades appeared between all of them. He had no sleeves, much less a shirt. A moment later, they were gone leaving him with two, round bombs. They, too, disappeared. In their place, one hand held a short blow-gun while the other held a rolled-up satchel.

Kyouya asked, “If you would like a different waiter, please accept my offer. Konatsu-san is close to Saotome-san and Kuonji-san. Her spatulas are very sharp. She has already stabbed me with one. The wound was four centimeters deep. She also has a larger version that broke my arm.”

Ranma nodded happily to the customers. ‘Maybe subtlety can work,’ she thought. Akane was less pleasant to them and stared down at the young men in a towering rage.

Those particular customers ate quietly, paid their ticket, and left as soon as they could.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Ukyou did not bring much food and, in less than two hours, most of it was gone. Cabbage was always the first thing to run out. It had occupied the entire cooler to start but soon the contents were replaced by ice and soft drinks. They, too, were gone in short order.

While she cleaned the cooling cook-top, her staff gently shooed away the latecomers. There was a stack of okonomiyaki waiting for those who worked. “Konatsu-kun, can you wash this stuff?” she asked him and pointed toward the stack of bowls, containers, and utensils. He swept everything up with a smile. “The ocean is fine,” she added. “Just get the food off. We’ll clean it later tonight.”

“Yes, Ukyou-sama,” he said and ran off toward the water.

Once he was gone, Ukyou called out, “Ran-chan, Asami-san, Akane-san, thank you for helping him out back there,” she said, referring to the single group unpleasant customers. “I’ll take care of the last few if you all want to sit down for lunch,” she said, pointing a spatula toward the Tendo camp. She smiled as Ranma needed no further encouragement. “Save one each for Konatsu-kun an’ I,” she warned after Ranma loaded her arms with multiple plastic plates, each bearing an okonomiyaki. Akane grabbed two plates as did Konatsu.

Genma hefted the cooler. “They smell wonderful, Kuonji-kun.”

“Who said you get one? You didn’t do anything.”

“I provided security.”

“Bullshit. Stupid panda,” she growled but knew he’d still get one, if not more.

Ukyou finished cleaning and broke down the grill. ‘This thing’s a miracle of modern technology,’ she thought in wonder, not for the first time, over the way all the pieces slid, folded, and collapsed to fit in Konatsu’s backpack. The grill had a small surface but it was still huge considering it had four sections that unfolded and butt together to form a surface almost as large as two school desks. Her father sent it to her. Each plate had its own circular burner and they could be managed independently with two propane bottles. Everything else about it, including the legs, was dicey because it was all grill and little else but it cooked okonomiyaki and fit in a backpack along with the gas bottles and a few other things. Konatsu’s pack was pretty heavy, though. The only place the grill’s design didn’t skimp was the iron cook plates.

“Hurry up, U-chan,” Ranma called to her in warning, “Pop’s hungry.”

She glanced over to the umbrella patch. Ranma and Akane were sitting together with Kyouya. They’d saved room for she and Konatsu. Nabiki was lounging with her neck propped up on her duffle bag reading a manga. The shade had moved and everyone else with it. Kasumi attended her father who was talking quietly with Ono Tofu. Nap-time was coming, she could sense it.

A group of children ran by with colorful squirt guns blazing in some heroic war leaving a sighing panda under an umbrella. The panda opened the ice chest and pulled out a dripping wet soda. She smirked at him. When she turned back to her clean-up, Ukyou noted Konatsu returning with the remaining equipment. Everything except the bowls and grill were packed. Now they could relax over their own lunch. “Break time, Konatsu. Good job. I might even pay you, today.”

“You will?” he asked in amazement.

“Maybe,” she answered.

“Would it… would it be a whole shift’s salary?” he asked.

“No, five hundred is too much for such a short shift but you can have a soda on the house.”

“Awesome!”

“U-chan,” Ranma spoke up while she and Konatsu settled in the shade with the others, “you should prob’ly pay him more, you know. He helps a lot.”

“How much did Cologne pay when you worked for her?” Ukyou asked.

“Nothing. Why?”

Nabiki’s snickering interrupted the topic so Ukyou let it rest and dug into her meal.

The beach kept getting more packed full of people while the Tendo camp dozed in the early afternoon. Ukyou lay down in a spot of shade and blacked out for a few minutes.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Ranma woke up laying face down on a towel with her legs in the sun. “Ack!” she squawked and sat up into the sun to check them out. ‘Sunscreen! I forgot!’ she thought in a panic.

“What’s wrong, dummy?” Akane murmured beside her.

“Sunscreen!” she said. “I need sunscreen.”

“I brought some, Ranma-chan,” Kasumi said from somewhere behind. Ranma sighed in relief and got up to get Kasumi’s bag and bring it to her.

“Why do you need it so bad?” Akane asked growing more alert.

“Sunburns leave, um, marks that’re hard to explain,” Ranma answered.

“What-” Akane started but Kasumi explained even if Ranma would rather not.

“The tan lines from her bikini might stir some embarrassing questions, little sister.”

Akane’s mouth mad a little “o” as her mind caught up.

Nabiki lifted the open manga from her face as she, too, began stirring. “Last time, I had eight or nine guys asking for pictures based on what they saw in the change room.”

“What?” Ranma gasped in alarm. “Who were they,” she demanded.

“Aren’t you more interested in how much they were willing to pay?”

That stopped Ranma. “Ah, how much?”

“Not telling. Client confidentiality and all that,” Nabiki said with a smirk.

A pair of hands slipped a tube into her left hand and closed Ranma’s grip. “Huh? Oh, thanks, Kasumi-neechan.”

Kasumi smiled up at her. “Ranma-chan, maybe you could ask Akane-chan to put it on for you.”

“Put it- Oh, you mean my back,” Ranma replied.

Kasumi stood and moved to kneel by Ono Tofu and interrupted his silent conversation with her father. “I would like to go for a walk. Would you join me, Tofu-sensei?” Ranma noticed her father give the barest nods but soon the young doctor and Kasumi were headed out for a stroll down the beach.

Ranma turned back to Akane with the tube of sunscreen. “Ehhhh.”

Her fiancée patted a spot in the shade and said, “Take off your dress, Ranma.”

Dropping the tube, she pulled her sundress over her head and attempted to fold it. The sundress did not fold well but at least it wasn’t a wad like some of the towels around. “Come on. Lay down.”

“Hey! Ran-chan’s my fiancé, too. I want to do it. You’ve had all day with him so far. It’s my turn,” Ukyou demanded.

Ranma hesitantly lay down on the towel. There was war brewing. She decided to lay with her head facing away from danger so she wouldn’t see it coming when the hurt came. Her sideways, towel-level vision encompassed Kyouya, sitting next to her giant panda. The human looking one fingered the jeweled medallion hung around his neck. The panda yawned and shifted his eyes between the other players.

“Turn? You don’t get a turn. Ranma is mine,” Akane said as if the argument were perfectly reasonable.

“I believe Ranma-chan would like Akane-chan’s hands to apply the lotion,” Kyouya intervened. Ranma closed her eyes. He had no idea what he’d just gotten into.

“Well, maybe Ran-chan is becomin’ more girlish ‘cause his un-cute fiancée likes him that way.” Ranma cringed at Ukyou’s words.

“Like him, I can barely tolerate him. Did you ever think that maybe he’s trying to get out of his other arrangements? Did you?”

Ranma interrupted despite a deep-seated desire to flee. “Can someone please just put lotion on my back?”

“Perhaps if you ladies would share-” Kyouya suggested.

“Fine, Asami-san,” Ukyou said, “Tendo-san can do the upper back. I’ll do the rest.”

Akane gasped, “You pervert, both of you, I’ll just bet you want to do her front.”

“Me? You’re the one we have to watch out for. Who said anything about anyone but Ran-chan putting lotion on her front? Oh, wait! That was you!” Ukyou accused Akane.

Kyouya apparently didn’t know when to give up. “Would it be better if I applied the sunscreen?” Ranma bemoaned Kyouya’s fate.

Akane exclaimed, “Are you kidding? I’m more worried about you than I am Ukyou. At least she isn’t a bisexual boy.”

“An’ you just accused me of what? Look here, Tendo-san, you just admitted Ran-chan’s curse is safe in my hands after claiming I wasn’t!” Ukyou sounded offended if Ranma was any judge.

“Asami-san’s worse-”

“Later, sis. It’s kind of noisy around here so I’m going to check out the guys. Are you sure you don’t want to go for a walk with me?” Ranma heard Nabiki say and welcomed her departure. The fewer witnesses the better in her book. She cracked her eyes open.

“Then, perhaps someone neutral,” Kyouya offered. “Saotome-san or Konatsu-san should be considered.

The panda held up a sign saying, “Your problem, boy.” He flipped it so they could see, “You’re choice.”

Ranma levered herself up to her knees and sat back with a frown. “I’m right here, you guys,” she complained. “Jus’ touchin’ me is perverted. I get it,” she said, bitterly. “An’ you don’t want Kyouya touchin’ me, either. Well, tough! He’s nice an’ don’t insult me no matter what I look like.” Ranma snatched the tube from Akane and got up, moving to kneel with her back to Kyouya. Handing him the sunscreen, she said, “Do my back for me. I’ll do the rest in the change house.”

She heard him flip the top open and squeeze out a dollop of goo close behind. Without further warning or fuss, he smeared the cool cream onto her back and began spreading it around her shoulder blades and down her spine. Ranma glared at Akane and Ukyou the whole time. They glared back. Konatsu was a few meters away and focused on building a sandcastle with dry sand rather than get in an argument between three girls. ‘We prob’ly remind him of his step-sisters,’ she thought, somewhat morbidly.

In virtually no time at all, Kyouya was done. Her anger was enough to keep from getting distracted when he made sure to get all the areas under the strings of her bikini top. “All finished, Ranma-chan,” Kyouya announced.

Ranma twisted around to say, “Thanks, Kyouya,” and accept the tube of sunscreen from him. She stared coolly at her fiancées and stood, walking to the edge of the beach blanket area to slip on the purple sandals, and strode off through the sand toward the change house.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Nabiki was slowly making her way back from the change house after using the facilities. A disturbance in the flow of boys directed her attention to an irate looking familiar little pig-tailed girl. She was carrying a tube of sunscreen toward the change house. ‘Way to go, imouto-chan. Keep it up and you won’t have to worry about being married to either gender.’

She changed her plans slightly, deciding to delay her search for wealthy boys. Conscripting the other girls and boys of her group could add more sexual mass to put her on more equal footing with the cliques of the wealthy targets. ‘Then again, if they don’t behave, it could turn into a disaster,’ she considered. ‘I’ll just have to see how it goes. If Ranma’s in a snit, the others may be worse. I only really need Ranma, anyway.’

The Tendo camp was an emotional mess when she got there. Her father, who had been unobtrusively lounging under a hat and sunglasses, had pulled Akane out and away for a quiet lecture. Nabiki doubted it was about her choice in swimsuit. Ukyou was glaring at the panda holding a sign saying, “The nose knows.” He flipped the sign to read, “You and my daughter are not compatible.”

Ukyou stood angrily and snarled something at the panda. The chef turned and barked, “Konatsu, we’re goin’ swimming!” and stomped off through the crowd toward the surf with the dutiful kunoichi trailing.

‘That was a strange exchange,’ Nabiki thought as she shucked her sandals at the edge of the beach blanket. “Anything happen while I was gone?” she asked, airily. ‘As if any idiot couldn’t tell.’

Kyouya stood and looked toward the change room. “My parents are here,” he said.

‘Well, that was unexpected,’ Nabiki thought.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Genma lay in panda form with as much of his bulk as he could fit into the shadow of the rearmost umbrella. The day had been confusing in an educational way. Asami Kyouya was definitely not human, that much he was sure of, but he did not fit any tales of mer-folk, either. He certainly did not smell of fish or sea weed. He smelled strongly of male human hormone but lacked many of the other smells that made up people. It was both alarming and… not. ‘Asami Kyouya, if that’s his real name, seems way too perfect from a woman’s point of view.’ Genma snorted to test the air with his nose once more. ‘What in the world is he? He doesn’t look at other girls on the beach and obeys Ranma like the perfect husband. Yet, there’s no trace of sexual excitement other than his constantly thick male-smell.

‘If that strange boy is trying to seduce my child, then he’s executing all the right moves. Ranma is more comfortable around him than around any of his fiancées.’ Genma’s problem was that he could find no threatening behavior, no ulterior motive, nothing at all about the strange non-human that would set off his sakkijutsu. For now, he would watch and wait.

His ears twitched listening to Tendo-kun finish up his lecture to his youngest. It was about time his old friend started reigning her in. ‘The boy’s been extraordinarily well behaved, today, and here Akane-chan botched an opportunity Ranma practically handed to her. Why are the two of them have to be so afraid of each other?’ He knew Ranma was sensitive about his curse. That was Akane-chan’s fault as much as anyone else’s. Genma’s nose could tell the youngest Tendo was physically interested in both of Ranma’s forms, unlike the chef. She was deathly afraid of showing it, though.

‘I’m going to have another talk with Tendo-kun. Just lecturing her about her behavior won’t work like it does on Ranma. Akane-chan has a real problem besides her mouth and temper.’

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Ranma exited the change room wearing a blush. A lot of women and kids were in there, now. It was embarrassing enough having to put sunscreen on all over just so there was no chance of getting tan lines. (Of course, she’d played that dodge ball game without sunscreen so there was an ominous cloud on that horizon. At least tomorrow there should be no obvious burn mark showing the whole class of guys what her bikini covered and what it did not.) No, a middle-aged or older woman noticed the lotion wasn’t for tanning but for blocking and complimented her very nicely on having good sense to take care of her skin. The woman explained that too much sun will make the skin wrinkly so she’d look like a prune later in life and may get cancer. Cologne and Happosai came to mind and Ranma decided not to look like that at any cost.

In the open common area between the men’s and women’s change houses, she noted there were a lot of people passing through the entrance to the beach now that it is early afternoon. Two surprising individuals descending the gentle sidewalk ramp to the beach ahead attracted her attention. Ranma sprinted, dodging other beach-goers and called, “Yuuno-san, Yamachu-san, are you here to check up on Kyuoya?” They turned upon hearing her voice and waited until Ranma could catch up.

“Ah, Saotome-san!” Chiaki exclaimed with a bright smile. “How fortunate to meet you alone.”

Ranma caught up with them and they moved off the main path to exchange greetings. Masunori quickly got down to business. “Our data indicated the pro- Kyouya has not gone swimming, yet. Is there a reason why?”

Shaking her head, she explained, “I haven’t gone swimming, either; no one has. I will, soon, though.”

He visibly relaxed and asked, “What is your assessment of his performance today?”

Caught off guard because she honestly had not thought about it, Ranma answered, “He’s been fine. Not pushy at all like my fiancées. And, he’s been helping do stuff. We waited tables when my friend, Kuonji Ukyou, set up a small okonomiyaki stand. He even did stuff without me asking. That’s good ‘cause the girls are enough of a pain already.”

“How do you mean, Saotome-san,” Chiaki asked.

“It’s like… If Kyouya hangs around me too close, they’ll want to kill him right after they kill me, first,” Ranma replied.

“You believe your human friends may have another violent episode?” Masunori asked, as if to clarify something that should be obvious.

For the life of her, Ranma had no idea why she suddenly felt guilty about making her fiancées look like raging monsters without taking some of the credit. “I’m pretty violent, too, sometimes. Usually, people come looking for a fight with me because I’m so great but sometimes I’m the one who starts it.”

The three of them were approaching the Tendo camp by what had become a human trail of traffic between settlements. Ranma could see Kyouya waiting for them. Her father’s ears twitched and his head rose from the blanket until he sat on his rear. He greeted the Asami parents with a sign saying, “Good afternoon. Please join me.” That sign disappeared and another replaced it. “We have a few things to discuss.”

Chiaki smiled and went through her artificial family introduction. Masunori used the time to examine her father with a large and incredibly complicated brass binocular. It had a whole lot of lens pieces on gears or folding arms. A faintly flickering green light could be seen in their depts. Pretty much everyone around stared back at him while he examined her old man turning gears and changing lenses.

“Boy, take Asami-kun and Akane-chan for a swim, or something,” another sign said. Ranma decided the Asami couple could fend for themselves. Her father was in one of his ordering moods.

Kyouya looked to Ranma. Ranma looked around and spotted a chagrined Akane headed toward her. “Alright, whatever,” she said. “Might as well.” A gnawing fear began growing in her belly, though; a fear of Akane the rock playing in water. ‘We just won’t go in very deep,’ she decided but really wanted to see how well Kyouya could swim.

A quick check found her new hat, sundress and sandals still in the area. ‘Guess Nabiki ain’t sold ‘em, yet.’ Ranma had mixed feelings about her girl-clothes. She liked looking good no matter which gender she was but always seemed to end up getting the better quality stuff for her girl-side. Having next to zero cash was a total pain and, if she’d known yesterday that Kyouya was going to spend that much on her, she’d have bought more guy-clothes. ‘It’s a long way to the new year,’ she thought on the next opportunity for free stuff.

“Ranma,” Akane began in an uncharacteristically conciliatory tone, “sorry about earlier. I promise next time I’ll just do it and let Ukyou complain all she wants.”

Dropping her gaze to the sand, Ranma fidgeted with her pigtail. “Ah, I ended up puttin’ it on all over, anyway.” The quizzical look on Akane’s face turned into a pair of raised eyebrows. “Yeah,” Ranma admitted, “Think about where it would have to go to leave no lines.” That was enough said about that, she decided.

“Nice coconuts, Ranma-chan,” Nabiki said as she approached from the side. “I can smell your sunscreen from ten meters away. You didn’t eat the tube, did you?”

Ranma looked at the tube still in her hand. “No. There’s still some left,” she said. ‘Prob’ly not as much as Kasumi expected,’ she mentally added. With that reminder, she asked, “Anyone need some?”

Akane shook her head. “I brought my own but it’s not as strong as Kasumi-oneechan’s.”

“Me, too,” Nabiki said. “There’s a few guys down the beach back past the change houses playing volleyball. Let’s head over there and see if we can get into a game.”

“I need to go swimming or Pop will get on my case for being lazy,” Ranma said, logging her objection.

“So, there’s water over there, too,” Nabiki countered. Come with us and go for a quick swim after introductions. You can join in when you’re done. I’ll even let you be on my team.”

“Your team, Ranma’s going to be on my team,” Akane objected. Ranma wondered at her fiancée’s instant memory loss but then again, Akane hadn’t promised to be nice toward rivals, just to make sure she wins against them. Ranma’s sakkijutsu tingled ominously.

“Say,” Ranma interrupted, “should we exchange swimsuits? I could swim a lot better if I knew it’d stay on.”

Nabiki put a finger on her jaw and looked at the sky as if in thought. “Hmm, let me think about it for a minute. How about… not. That suit looks too cute on you.”

Franticly thinking, Ranma held her hands out, pleading as if it should be obvious. “But what if a boob comes out when I jump?”

She knew she’d lost when Nabiki smiled like a shark. “Then my team would be even more popular. You don’t seriously think I’d play volleyball if there were no guys, do you?”

Ranma groaned while Akane protested. “Honestly, Sis, don’t you like any sports?”

“Depends on what you call a sport,” Nabiki quipped.

“Akane,” Ranma said hopefully, “trade?”

“Ranma, I picked out that swimsuit for you. The least you could do is wear it without complaining all the time.” Akane coolly replied.

The pigtailed girl felt hugely betrayed by her fiancée but Akane took her hand and started dragging her along after Nabiki. Kyouya tailed them discretely. Apparently, he had more skill at not saying what was on his mind than Ranma.

The four of them trekked across the sand weaving through tiny domains set up like the Tendo family’s as if every person in Tokyo came here to establish a fiefdom. There were a lot of kids of all ages. Ranma blushed seeing one mother breast-feeding an infant under an umbrella while the father watched twin boys about five or six pushing toy earth movers around in the sand.

Eventually, their journey ended and Ranma waited in silence while Nabiki approached the older guys, ostensibly to join their private sand volleyball game. She waved and smiled when Nabiki introduced her. Kyouya did the same, though more deferentially. Akane smiled brilliantly and began explaining how she was on the school team and asked if any of them had heard of Furinkan. Ranma almost gagged over how energetic Akane was about the game. The girl even pumped her fist in the air. ‘What a jock of a tomboy,’ Ranma thought in growing apathy for the game. ‘It ain’t like I can really play without destroying the other team, and the ball while I’m at it. Nabiki just wants me to shake my boobs at them while she finds out who’s the richest.

‘I haven’t even played this game since, like, middle-school, sometime.’ Even then, he had played only infrequently. Injuring other players with the ball and generally being better than all of them combined meant he was never invited. Few teachers forced him to play more than necessary. ‘An’ I still don’t want to play.’ An idea came to mind based on her last school experience with the sport. Timidly, Ranma held up her hand. “I-I don’t really remember the rules. I haven’t played in a few years. I’d rather go for a swim, first, but m-maybe, maybe I should just cheer the teams when I get back?”

Akane made bug-eyes at her. Nabiki looked torn between having an ace driver and having a race queen. Ranma faced her fiancée. “Akane, would you like to swim, too?” she asked feeling like a total fool for inviting such disaster but something about Akane’s willingness to hang out with the older men here just rubbed her back the wrong way. These guys were definitely not in high school. They may even be in their early twenties.

Her fiancée, however, declined the once-in-a-lifetime invitation. “I’m not ready for that right now, Ranma-chan. Maybe later.”

Ranma’s smile sank along with her heart. “Okay. Maybe later.”

“I will go swimming with you, Ranma-chan,” Kyouya said with the kindest most reassuring smile she’d ever seen on a guy before. It was rare enough on the women she knew and here was Kyouya, ready to lift her spirits.

“Okay, let’s go,” she said, smile returning. She took Kyouya’s hand and headed toward the water. ‘Akane can probably stuff all of these guys into the same trash can. If she wants to play with them, well, fine – whatever.’

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Ukyou felt a thousand percent better after a good swim. The water had cooled her temper and she had to admit Konatsu wasn’t that bad a swimmer for a beginner. “My stepsisters and stepmother did not want me to leave the tea house. There were many chores to do and customers to care for,” he had told her.

‘That’s a genius kunoichi for you,’ she thought, impressed by his progress and lack of fear. They found Saotome Genma in quiet conversation with the odd Asami couple. “Hey, old man,” she said to the stocky guy with a handkerchief tied on his bald head, “you seen Ran-chan? I wanna apologize for loosin’ it with Akane, earlier.”

Genma pushed his glasses up his nose and shook his head. “I sent the boy swimming at least half an hour ago. He should still be at it if he knows what’s good for him.”

“Huh,” Ukyou said. “I didn’t see ‘im.”

“Oh, we saw Ranma-chan and Asami-san swimming down that way,” Kasumi said pointing toward the beach past the change houses. She and Ono-sensei were looking fairly comfortable sitting under the umbrella together.

“Thank, hon. I’ll go look for him after I grab a towel, here,” Ukyou said.

“Thank you very much Tendo-san,” Konatsu added with a bow.

“You’re very welcome – and so polite, too,” Kasumi enthused.

Ukyou felt like leaving before her teeth rotted and went straight for her pack. It was nice how Konatsu would carry all the heavy stuff for her. ‘Maybe I should increase his salary by five or ten yen.’

“I think I’ll go with you, Ukyou-chan,” Tendo Soun said, twisting a tail of his mustache in his fingers. “I need to stretch my legs, anyway. Let me get my cigarettes.”

She shrugged and let that pass for agreement. Before long, they were hiking through the crowded beach. She headed more toward the waterline than the change house in case Ranma had moved. Ukyou knew Ranma could move in water. They walked through the surf scanning the throngs of swimmers, waders, floaters, and bathers for Ranma or any of the others that might give a clue to their whereabouts.

There was no sign of Ranma but she’d just started looking. “Ran-chan’s here, somewhere,” she said to herself.

Konatsu suddenly trotted ahead and inland to a lifeguard’s tower. The man with the binoculars and radio on top looked down at something Konatsu said and replied but Ukyou could not read his lips from here. The male kunoichi nodded and bowed trotting back to them. Ukyou could already guess the answer from the incredulous look on his face and the way his right arm was pointing out at the horizon.

They met and Konatsu said in awe, “Saotome-sama and Asami-sama fifty meters out there swimming together! The lifeguard says they are swimming synchronized up and down the beach! They even helped with a rescue three stations away when some poor lady in a tube was pulled out to sea!”

Ukyou shrugged but could not help but grin. “Ran-chan’s good with water. I guess Asami-san would be, too, if he’s a merman.”

Soun nodded and took a drag from his cigarette. “Are you two going to join them?” he asked.

“No,” Ukyou replied, “talking and swimming don’t mix and we just got out of the water. We need a breather before jumping back in. Still, her curiosity was piqued. That lifeguard’s binoculars looked useful.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Nabiki was having great fun despite Ranma’s no-show. Akane was playing for the other team and helping them so much that her team was being slaughtered. The guys on her team loved coaching her with their hands-on teaching style and so did Nabiki. On the opposite side of the net, those guys weren’t so lucky. Akane was a very good player easily able to keep up with them and often had incredible saves. That meant they had no excuse (other than really obvious lame ones) to provide the same level of coaching Nabiki enthusiastically received.

‘Now, if only I can find out if Asada-kun owns the Sylvia, or if his father owns it.’ It made a difference because, if Asada owned it, that meant he was either independently successful, or his father had significant net worth. They took ten to fifteen minute breaks to quench their thirst and socialize between every game. Except for the instance she needed to use the facilities, Nabiki put the time to good use.

She leaned back into Asada Mitsuaki as he guided her fist toward the volleyball. It may have been her serve but she did not mind his help in the least. He was tall and lanky with sinewy arms and legs showing he lived an active life. His skin was a golden brown and hot to the touch. His hair was just a shade darker. He smelled exciting.

The ball flew in a lazy high arc to the other side and Asada darted back to his position in time for Akane to set the ball for her teammate, the oldest man in the group, one who’d shown a lot of interest in her younger sister. Mukami Haseo was the most athletic of the men. Not quite as tall as Asada-san, he was seriously ripped, though. Nabiki thought it was almost gross but Akane was something of a muscle-head, too. He executed the spike flawlessly smacking the ball hard down left when her front line teammate jumped guessing right. Akane traded high fives with him, laughing when he tried to get more.

A cloud of rank cigarette smoke drifted across the safety zone around the improvised sand court. Nabiki caught a whiff of it. There, among the scattered spectators and people whose camp was simply unfortunately close, was her father. He had a cold look in his eyes. Personally, she’d rather see him crying. This look was bad.

The other team rotated and her sister moved to the front line. There was four on her team and five on Nabiki’s. The second youngest man of their group stepped out to serve. He was a little baby-faced and the others treated him and his roommate as kohai. Those two were not wealthy. Neither were their parents if Nabiki had to guess.

The ball flew in a low arc over the net and Asada dove for it making a slightly crooked and low set for the front row. Akane and the man behind, a soft-looking business major named Yamada Shuhei, collided going after the ball as it came down between them inside the foul line. Her sister laughed and took Mukami’s offered hand. He easily pulled her up from the sand and into his arms to “steady” her. Akane laughed it off. Nabiki shook her head with a lopsided grin over her sister’s odd acceptance of the older man.

A large puff of smoke blowing by, though this time, a quirk of the wind spared her, returned Nabiki’s attention to the sideline. Her father seemed to have finished that cigarette in a hurry and was casually pulling out another. “You know, guys, I think we’re going to have to go, soon,” she announced.

“So soon? Come on, we’re down four games to one. I at least want to win one more before you leave,” one guy complained. He was a complainer. She didn’t like him and worked to forget his name.

“Can we at least finish this game? We’re nine to thirteen,” Asada said.

Her sister must have heard on the other side. “What? No way! We just got started! We can mix up the teams after this if you want.”

“Okay, but I want your number in exchange!” Nabiki said with a smile toward Asada.

“You got it, Tendo-san,” he smiled back.

For the next eight minutes, she and her team struggled to make up ground so her B-team could win against the A-team but all they ended up doing was trading the serve. Nabiki noticed Konatsu watching from the side, too, and figured Ukyou wasn’t far away.

A crackly bull-horn startled everyone in the area. “IS THIS ON? RAN-CHAN! HEY, RAN-CHAN! GET YOUR LITTLE STRAWBERRY-COVERED ASS IN HERE!”

Nabiki rolled her eyes and chuckled. Ukyou was standing on top the lifeguard’s chair in her conservative black bikini set yelling out into the ocean at her team’s delinquent cheerleader.

The stalemate in volleyball finally broke when Akane’s team scored. Nabiki’s team lasted longer than she though by winning the serve back and scoring one, themselves, before losing the serve and then losing the game. Nabiki discretely exchanged numbers with Asada as the team splintered from the sand court for a quick break hoping her father wasn’t watching.

He wasn’t. He was watching Akane giving hugs around to her team, or rather, her team passing her around for hugs. Either way, Nabiki almost dropped her precious slip of paper when she saw her sister being friendly with three older guys in front of her father.

A demon head made of ki and anger flared up over the other side of the volleyball court. “Oops,” Nabiki said half to herself, “it looks like little sister’s pushed too many of Daddy’s buttons.”

“Why are you touching my daughter?” her father’s giant demon head demanded in an eerie and threatening tone. Twin streams of smoke billowed out of its nose. Its teeth were very pointy looking and the eyes glowed from deep red points in the skull. People scattered.

Akane was soon the only one on the sand court. Her fan-club of hot men excused themselves to, “give her some space with her father,” her favorite, Mukami, said. Nabiki just hoped Asada-san would answer the phone after this if she called.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Ranma tried knocking the water out of her ears but they seemed endlessly full. They were not so full that she couldn’t hear Ukyou bellowing from the beach as she passed by. She and Kyouya trudged up from the surf feeling the weight of dry land assert itself. Her fingers checked the bikini out of habit. The darn thing really did not want to stay on. She ended up re-tying it tighter and doubling the knots. The little ropes were cutting into her.

Kyouya strode onto the beach beside her. “You really are a good swimmer, Kyouya,” she told him while wringing excess water from her pigtail.

“Thank you, Ranma-chan. Last night Yuugama-san loaded all the knowledge to swim she could find. That is what she told me. I am very happy you are satisfied with my performance.” A few more strides toward the lifeguard tower and Kyouya added, “They are coming right now, Yamachu-bucho and Yuuno-san.”

Ranma looked up and over toward where she thought the Tendo camp was but did not see them, yet. Ukyou found her first. “Hey, Ran-chan, sorry about that. I thought you were goin’ to swim out there all day.”

“Meh. I could. It wasn’t like I could get tired goin’ as slow as I was ‘cause o’ this stupid thing,” she said tugging at one of the tight strings on her strawberry-print bikini.

“So,” Ukyou said, “why didn’t you take it off?”

Ranma tilted her head in confusion. “Then, do what? Carry it?”

“You’re a member of the Indiscriminate Grappling school. Wear it on your head.”

“Phttt,” Ranma blew a raspberry at Ukyou but laughed at the sick joke, anyway.

“I’ve been waitin’ for you to come in, Ran-chan. Sorry about that thing with Akane,” Ukyou apologized.

Ranma waived it off. “No biggie. I had to put the sunscreen on all over, anyway. And I mean all over.”

“Oookaaay…” Ukyou drawled.

“There you are, boy,” she heard her father call and turned to see him looking human. The Asami parents were with him. “We need to talk. I think we’ll be leaving soon, too. Tendo-kun was going to look for where you and the girls went.” Her father sent a questioning glanced toward Ukyou but her friend shrugged.

Ranma answered, instead. “They wanted to play volleyball with some guys over that way, I think.” She pointed to the other side of the tall lifeguard’s chair.

“You should be spending the time with your fiancée,” her father commented and crossed his arms for effect.

“Akane’s only interested in showin’ off her volleyball skill an’ Nabiki’s just wants a pair o’ big boobs to lure guys,” she replied and crossed her arms, too.

“Was Kyouya adequate in the water?” Masunori suddenly asked her.

Ranma gave him a nod. “He kept up with me even though I was goin’ slow; for me, that is. His form seems perfect.” To Kyouya, she asked, “How much faster can you swim?”

Kyouya answered, “I think eighty or ninety percent faster but it is hard to estimate. Legs are not made for swimming.”

“I guess that’s kind o’ fast,” Ranma mused though she could go much faster for short sprints. “How’s Konatsu doing, U-chan?”

The group strolled in the right general direction to reach the sand court Ranma remembered dodging human traffic. Ukyou finally said, “He did all right. Really well for his first big trip to the ocean to swim.”

“Cool.” Ranma continued to drip and sand clung to her feet working its way up over her ankles when they found the sand court. Akane and her father were having themselves a little face-off. Nabiki waived them toward her side where she stood with Konatsu.

“What’s going on?” Ranma asked when they grew near enough.

“Family stuff, Saotome,” Nabiki said, snubbing her.

“Fine, whatever.”

“Ranma-sama is an incredible swimmer,” Konatsu enthused, “and so is Asami-san.”

She preened a little in response but it didn’t last. There was just too much going on and she had a hard time keeping up with the events of such a busy day. ‘Heading home sounds like a pretty good plan. I still gotta help Kyouya with that landlady, Ishihara Keiko, and her stubborn desire to hold a welcoming party.’

Akane broke from her father wearing a nasty frown. Ranma didn’t expect she’d be hearing nice things from her angry fiancée. She was right. “I want you to teach me how to swim, Ranma.”

“Uh, but I just got in and…” Ranma trailed off looking toward her father. Genma adjusted his glasses and stared at the sand. ‘You’re no help at all, you stupid panda.’ To Akane, she said, “Sure, okay, but can we change swimsuits? I had to tie this stupid thing tight so it wouldn’t come off in the water.”

Looking hurt and haughty, Akane crossed her arms saying, “Oh, I get it. You’d rather wear the one Kyouya bought for you.” Ranma blinked. Akane summed that up pretty well but she wasn’t done. “I’ll bet he’s a great swimmer.” Ranma nodded slowly, mouth open and sakkijutsu buzzing nastily. “You spent all afternoon with him,” Ranma didn’t nod, move or think, “but you can’t stand the swimsuit I picked out but love his. You can’t even stick around to cheer me on.”

Fight or flight instincts kicked in. “What do you need cheering for, tomboy. You’re already more muscley than those guys you wanted to show off for instead of learning to swim when I asked. And this,” she said picking at the taught string between her breasts, “is what you wanted. I wanted the suit Nabiki’s wearing. I wore this ‘cause I thought you wanted to see me in it!”

“S-see you in it? As i-if you stupid p-pervert!” Akane yelled back, stuttering badly.

Ranma’s blood suddenly ran cold. Akane had been jerking her around. Akane didn’t like her girl-side. That meant she liked to feminize Ranma for fun, just like Nabiki and Kasumi. She suddenly felt light-headed. Kyouya turned her around toward him and wrapped her in his arms.

She was still struggling with the horrible realization when Akane yelled, “You really are turning into a girl! Ranma, you moron!”

Ukyou yelled back, “Shut up Tendo! Don’t make me kick your ass, jackass!”

“Get your hands off my fiancé!” Akane yelled and Ranma found herself flung to the sand by Kyouya just as a sickening crunch filled the air.

Ranma quickly rolled to her feet but the damage was already done. Kyouya’s head and neck looked very wrong from where he lay in a heap on the sand. Akane stood over him with her mallet, chi blazing in anger until her father grabbed her by the wrist and yanked her roughly into the air with him bounding over the crowd toward their makeshift camp.

Kyouya got up slowly but his posture was nauseating to everyone in the crowd who looked at him and had witnessed the unfortunate event. Whistles and shouts of alarm began.

“Nabiki-chan,” her father gently said. “The boy and I will be going home separately. Can you let your father know this is not as bad as it looks?” Nabiki made no reaction and was starting to look green. Ukyou would not look at Kyouya at all. Not that Ranma blamed her.

“I am da ma ge d,” Kyouya sort of said. He stood there blinking.

“K-kyouya, can you remember my name?” Ranma asked.

“Ye s, yo ur a me is Sa o to me Ra n ma,” he replied.

“Can you remember your name?” she asked.

“A sa mi Kyo u ya.”

“Can you make him better?” she asked Masunori.

The man stopped gaping and nodded. “This… may take some time.”

Genma cleared his throat and put a hand on Konatsu’s shoulder. “Konatsu-kun, could you do us a favor and meet us in the parking lot with our packs? Ranma will need some clothes and I could do with a change, too after being in the sun all day.”

“Of course, Saotome-san,” Konatsu said, though weakly. And launched himself into the air after the Tendos. Ukyou grabbed Nabiki’s arm and started running that way, too.

“I think it would be a good idea if you and Kuonji-kun left separately, too. I have a feeling Tendo-kun will want some time alone with his family,” Genma said, adjusting his glasses. The whistles were coming, and fast. It was time to leave. “Can you run to the parking lot, Asumi-kun?” her father asked Kyouya. “Don’t nod or say anything, just run.” Kyouya took off toward the change house. The crowd screamed in horror.

Ranma shook herself out of the returning stupor and pointed at the remaining Asami family. “I got the lighter one. You get the other,” she claimed and darted toward Yuuno Chiaki whose brain looked like it had locked up. Ranma slung her over her shoulder and turned back to begin trotting toward the lot. Her father was already two steps ahead.

The white truck was already waiting for them. Kyouya’s smashed head and bent spine slowed foot traffic enough so Ranma and her father had no trouble dodging the others. Kyouya disappeared up and through the door ahead of them to Ranma’s relief. A moment later, so did her father. She was ready to get out of there in the worst way. She could hear sets of shoes clomping behind and whistles tweeting.

Jumping up through the door, she settled Chiaki to the floor and turned back. “Stay here, boy,” her father ordered her and jumped out the back for a few seconds. He reappeared with two bags, a hat and a wad of clothes. “Asami Masunori-kun, go!” The door closed by itself and there was a gentle lurch.

Ranma steadied herself and decided to just sit down. Once she did, though, she was reminded of how tight her swimsuit is and how much it chaffed. The crew of Chronos Heaven beta-test program was ostentatiously busy strapping Kyouya into his chair when her father held her pack out. “I hear they serve tea, here, without the tea in it.”

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Yuugama Yui, like the other three Chronos Heaven staff, ignored the soft cries of the customer clinging to her father. Instead, she focused upon retrieving every last bit of data from the prototype. The work this time would be mind-bogglingly extensive but most of it would fall to Kazeyama Hiroki. Yamachu-bucho would have to explain this one to the company and she was glad it was his job, not hers.

‘They’ll probably want ways to avoid a recurrence so, once again, software comes to the rescue.’

Behind the chair, Hiroki started mumbling, “Asami Kyouya, sextronaut. A man barely alive. Gentlemen, we can rebuild him. We have the technology. We have the capability to build the world's first bionic orgasmotron. Asami Kyouya will be that device. Better than he was before. Better, stronger, faster.”

[Dumbledork]

WOW! I love it like always, except for the Ranma/Akane relationship you seem to be going for... oh well.

Akane is a real bitch once again, and just in canon I can't really understand why Ranma would be interested in such a violent girl. He's probably a masochist.

There are a few spelling mistakes and a word missing here and there, but nothing too bad. But it's Joketsuzoku. not Joketsu.

[Sailor Sedai (Ellf)]

Good chapter, I really have enjoyed the way that all the characters seem to be growing and becoming more three-dimensional.


Dumbledork: Joketsuzoku is the name of their homeland. Joketsu would be the name of the people of the homeland. If you wanted to be more accurate, it should be Joketsuzokujin to refer to them, but Joketsu refers to them just fine. The term "zoku" means country.

女傑国 The three kanji used there basically mean "Brave woman Country" Joketsuzoku is the country of brave women.... or the country of Joketsu.

[Dumbledork]

Thx for the information. Good to know.

[PCHeintz72]

Hi... been following this since chapter 1.

Brining her mind back to the original problem

'Brining' s/b 'Bringing'

She was interrupted by Yamachu Masunori-bucho, their beta-test team leader, when he spun around to face them. He had taken a perverse liking to the large, padded swivel chair the prototype sits upon when they are doing maintenance. The seat and seatback were wide and were complimented by appropriately wide and flat armrests for the prototype to rest its arms, obviously. The problem with the chair, from Yui's perspective, is it swiveled. It was also upholstered in black vinyl. She had no doubt it was Hiroki's doing along with the spotlight centered over it.

I know knowing of the series, but soun ds like Yamachu needs a Rival, suggest Icchan from Angelic Layer.

She considered saying it louder but suspected the quote might go over their heads because it was a poor English translation of a line in a video game that may, or may not, have come out yet depending upon the timeline.

Is that breaking the 4th wall, or is Yamachu a interdim traveller?

"Ranma-chan, I am sorry if I've been hard on you recently. I'm just concerned about your relationship with Akane-chan." Ranma blinked and gulped. "You know she loves you."

Oh all the things in this story, Kasumi's personality is only one of two items that bug me and seem to detract from the story.

"Saotome is not fit to marry Shampoo. He's starting to act like a homo," Mousse said loudly enough for her customers to hear.
"Konatsu-kun," Ukyou quietly called.
"Yes, Ukyou-sama," her waitress demurely answered.
Mousse continued to talk, oblivious to the growing peril. "I thought that, because you two are cross-dressers, you could help me show my beloved how wrong she is to want his hand in marriage. You know, maybe pretend to be gay, yourselves. Once Shampoo sees that Saotome is one sick puppy, you could pick him up, easy. He'd probably like that. You'd only have to worry about Tendo Akane, then."

Man... he really has a death wish, don't he... Either that, or you do not like Mousse.

Akane was the one to come to Ranma's rescue. "Just because Ranma might find one boy who isn't even human a little bit attractive doesn't mean he's going to turn into the school slut, okay? Ranma will marry me! I'll take care of him even when he's a girl if I need to!"

Ack... Akane has been replaced by aliens again... (hey it happens often enough in Ranma fan fiction)

He sighed and twisted the cap off dumping a little on his head to change. She put the cap back on and gave it to her fiancée. Akane put it away while Ranma adjusted her clothes and temporarily slipped the sweater on. "Ranma, we'll have fun, today. I promise. Just don't do anything perverted and I won't have to hit you."

Akane... the other thing that is kind of bugging me... she seems to almost be bipolar or something, more so even than in canon.

Her fiancée's choice was a white, string bikini set with little red strawberries printed all over. Ranma took the set, knowing Akane would have a fit if she didn't wear it, and retreated around the shower island to change in one of the traditional toilet stalls.

Sigh... peer pressure, a killer if there ever was one.

Kasumi-oneesama?"

When did Ranma ever start publicly calling Kasumi and Nabiki as sisters? I know earlier in the story, but the switchover had me curious.

BTW... it should have been thought of by someone that tactic of Ranma leaning on Tofu's back and whispering into his ear could have made for some very angry females.

I'm afraid I may be her a while,"

'her' s/b 'here'

"Man! I our bikinis are small.

Rewording needed

I forget he's older than Daddy.

Actually, I'm curious, is that in canon as well?

Ukyou rolled onto her side. "Why not? The guys won't be back for a few minutes. I sent them for sodas and ice. I can charge full price, maybe more, for drinks. No sense letting the cooler go t' waste once I pull the toppings out, y' know."

I'm surprised, she was there that whole time, and said nothing in regars to them talking of trading outfits after having worn them.

Personally, I just can't see it, but then, I'm not a girl... but, would a outfit of Akane's even fit Nabiki?

`I'm going to have another talk with Tendo-kun. Just lecturing her about her behavior won't work like it does on Ranma. Akane-chan has a real problem besides her mouth and temper.'

And Genma of all people would know this how?

"Akane's only interested in showin' off her volleyball skill an' Nabiki's just wants a pair o' big boobs to lure guys," she replied and crossed her arms, too.

Ummm... This aspect bugged me a bit. Nabiki is not exactly little herself, I'm uncertain she would Need Ranma, especially since she would not want to later have to aknowledge, even to herself, that Ranma played a part in any success.

"Nabiki-chan," her father gently said. "The boy and I will be going home separately. Can you let your father know this is not as bad as it looks?" Nabiki made no reaction and was starting to look green. Ukyou would not look at Kyouya at all. Not that Ranma blamed her.

Might want to reword... I had to reread this a couple times to insure it was Genma stating this.

I sure hope Akane gets a dressing down.. Sure, he is fixable, though they do not know the real reason... but had he been a normal human...

Overall pretty good, look forward to more.

[borgrabbit]

“Bucho! This data is excellent!” Yuugama Yui, Chronos Heaven software and wetware extraordinaire exclaimed flipping up the image combiner on her steam-punk goggle-mounted display.

Leaves me confused. Do you mean:
“Bucho! This data is excellent!” Yuugama Yui, Chronos Heaven software and wetware designer extraordinaire exclaimed flipping up the image combiner on her steam-punk goggle-mounted display.
or programmer or writer?

[Anchoku]

Thank you, all, for the C&C There are many good catches. I will make corrections as suggested. As for character behavior, translating manga slapstick into prose requires I add more depth to the characters. Some of that depth will, no doubt, flow against the grain but I do try to develop the characters into real people from their canon caricatures. My greatest wish is that everything I write has a purpose even if it is not apparent at this stage of the story. I try to give each character some sort of driving motivation or flaw to explain canon behavior, though in some cases extreme measures are necessary.


As an aside, does anyone know how to make the end less dark? I could not think of a way Kyouya may be broken (the "goal") without Akane trashing him. Of course, a nuclear bomb could detonate in the area but that doesn't make sense for the story.