The Unbeatable Angel Part 1: NGE/Dokuro-chan fusion

[Innortal]

The Unbeatable Angel Part 1
A NGE/Club-to-Death Angel Dokuro-chan fusion
Disclaimer: I don’t own this series or any other series. I am just floating an idea. I am making no money, nor plan to, off this venture. If you think of suing me over this, then grow up.
I would like to first personally thank all of those reviewing my stories. I enjoy reading your comments, and try to correct the grammatical errors I miss with my final read-through as well as my spell checkers. The suggestions you all make will help make this story better for everyone to enjoy, as well as allow my to fix some plot holes I may unintentionally leave. If you find any, let me know, and I will correct them and repost the chapters.
1321321321321321321321321
“Class, we have a new student today. Miss, please introduce yourself.”
Shinji looked up, barely acknowledging anything. It had been a rough few days since the last Angel attack. Asuka was being her usual self ... which meant Shinji was sporting two new slaps, lack of sleep from doing all the chores, and a sore ankle from PenPen demanding food since Misato had forgot to feed him ... again. He was just looking forward to a few boring weeks.
He wasn’t going to get it.
“Nice to meet you!” cried out the new girl. “My name’s Mitsukai Dokuro! Please call me Dokuro-chan!”
Shinji looked at the girl. She had pale blue hair like Rei’s, done in what were called “puppy-dog ears”, with emerald green eyes, plus a ... halo ... over her head? Why do I feel an impending sense of doom?
“Right now, I will be moving in with my fiancé; Ikari Shinji-kun,” she said, blushing, as the males in the class directed a death glare to the Third Child.
“Huh?” said Shinji. Since when am I engaged?
1231321321321231321321321321321321321321331321
Section-2 was watching over the secret cameras in the classroom.
“Since when is the Third Child engaged to someone?” asked one guy.
“Better to that sweet and innocent girl than the redhead.”
“Agreed, but you know Ikari isn’t going to like this.”
1231321321321321321321321321321321
“All right,” said the Teacher, finally showing some concern as some of the males were starting to pop their knuckles as they slowly advanced on the Third Child. “Settle down. Dokuro-chan’s parents are currently traveling through the north as part of some sort of foreign military unit, so she’s going through a lot.”
Shinji nodded. Her parents must be part of the UN Forces.
The blue haired girl continued. “My favorite foods are dorayaki, red Vienna sausage, and mayonnaise. My favorite type of guy is one who doesn’t watch Kouhaku at the end of the year, but is the one who continues to watch other competing television programs. I am 153 cm. tall, and from the top; my three sizes are 85, 52, and 81.”
Asuka began to growl, as the girl’s measurements—as she understood the conversion between metric and English measurements—were better than her own, thus endangering her position as the hottest girl in school.
“As you’ve just heard,” stated the teacher, “Dokuro-chan has a great body. I’ll be looking forward to gym class.”
The girls in the class scooted away from the pervert teacher.
“Man,” whined Toji, “how did Ikari get engaged to such a hot girl.”
“Better her than the Devil,” muttered Kensuke, not wanting to be attacked by said girl.
“Now, regarding Dokuro-chan’s seat...”
“Excuse me, Sensei,” Dokuro interrupted. “I don’t know much about this school yet; so is it alright if I sit next to Shinji-kun?”
The murderous glares of his fellow students once again descended on Shinji.
“Excuse me,” said Hikari. “I believe it is the job of the Class Representative to look after new transfer students.”
Dokuro gasped, as she whipped out a large spiked bat, before she began to twirl it. “Pipiru piru piru pipiru pi!”
Hikari’s form glowed in an array of colors, before it dispersed, leaving the Class Representative as ... a monkey ... who immediately set about attacking Toji.
“GET THE CLASS REP OFF ME!”
“No way!” yelled Kensuke. “Monkeys fling their shit if they get angry!”
“Oh,” said the teacher, ignoring the fact that both the Class Representative had been turned into a screaming monkey, but also that said monkey was tearing into Toji. “I’ve been meaning to ask, Dokuro-chan. What is that ring you have above your head?”
“Oh, this is an Angel’s halo. I’m an angel, you see.”
“Oh,” said the teacher. “Does this mean you will soon be destroying the city?”
“No, those aren’t Angels; those are just genetic creations from a long dead race to create life. They always fall asleep when you say the phrase: Quixilplix!”
Rei, who had been about to ask Shinji how he was engaged to an Angel, immediately fell asleep at her desk. But since Rei never paid attention in class, no one noticed or cared to wake her up.
“Did everyone hear that?” asked the teacher, speaking over Hikari’s roar as she continued to rip into Toji. “It seems Dokuro-chan is a real angel, and not a genetic creation trying to remove all life from this planet, or the other “Angels” as NERV calls them. Just because she’s an Angel, you shouldn’t make her feel left out while she’s here.”
“Okay, Sensei,” said the rest of the class ... well, those who were not monkeys, getting beaten by monkeys, or glaring at said Angel for having a better body.
Shinji, however, did not respond. Sure, he had heard it, but he was wondering how he got engaged to an Angel. He thought it had to be his mother, as he really couldn’t see his father doing this.
Now if she had horns and a pitchfork, then he might see Gendo trying it.
“So anyway, Sensei; since the Class Representative has turned into a monkey, I’ll sit next to Ikari-kun.”
“I guess so; there’s nothing we can do about it if she’s a monkey.”
Giggling, she turned to Shinji. “I’ll be counting on you, Shinji-kun!”
“You can’t be alone with that baka!” yelled Asuka, finally getting her mind wrapped around what was going on. If Shinji lived with a fiancée, then the fiancée would have more power to order him around than Asuka. That couldn’t be allowed. “He’ll do perverted things to you in your sleep.”
“No I won’t!” yelled Shinji, standing up.
This was perhaps the worst thing he could have done, as defending himself is usually like asking the Universe to just “beat on him” some more. In this case, the flailing Toji who was still trying to dislodge the neo-primate Class Representative from his body; collided with Shinji, sending him stumbling down the isle between the chairs, and face first into Dokuro’s chest.
Dokuro glowed a golden glow, before she ripped out her bat again. “HENTAI! EXCALIBORG!”
Asuka laughed a bit, until the fine red mist that had once been Shinji Ikari coated her and the rest of the class.
Rei continued to sleep, licking her lips. “I hate meat,” she muttered.
“Pipiru piru piru pipiru pi!”
132131321321321321231321321321321321321321
“What do you mean the Third Child is engaged to an Angel?” yelled Gendo. He was currently standing before Unit 01 with Dr. Akagi and the current head of Section-2.
“She had the proper paperwork filed, and claims the supposed “Angels” we are fighting are nothing more than “genetic creations by the White Moon Project on a planet fourteen galaxies away from here who hoped to create life”. She also said that all of the White Moon Projects as well as Black Moon Projects could be put to sleep for quick disposal by saying a certain word to them.”
“And that word is?” asked Ritsuko, not believing it could be that simple.
“Quixilplix,” said the man.
Sadly, the man should not have been standing as close as he had been to Unit 01 when he said those words, as Unit 01 immediately fell forward, knocking the man into the wall, as it started to snore.
This might have been a good thing, as it prevented him from having to tell Gendo that said Angel had also reduced the Third Child to a fine mist, before magically restoring him to life.
132132132112321321321321321321321321321
Shinji just wanted this day to end. First he found out he was engaged to a real Angel, and not the aliens that he was forced to fight to protect the planet; but a real Angel. Then said Angel turned the Class Rep into a monkey who pissed on him during lunch. This was followed by him getting knocked into the well-developed chest of his fiancée, causing her to use a spiked bat on him and kill him, before she resurrected him.
And to make matters worse, not one person in the class seemed to care that she had killed him. They were more upset that he was engaged to her.
Except for Rei; she just seemed to sleep most of the day, until he woke her up after school was over. She had no idea she had been so tired.
“She has the same hair color as Rei,” he muttered. “I wonder if they’re related.”
This is when he made his next mistake of the day. You see, since he assumed it was his room, he assumed that no one else would be in there. After all, neither Misato nor Asuka would change clothes in his room. So he felt no fear as he opened the door to enter his room.
So, opening his door, he did not to expect to find anyone in there.
What he found was a topless Dokuro-chan, in the midst of changing.
They stared at each other for a few seconds. In this time, he could only think of one thing. They look better than Ayanami’s.
“NOOOOOOOO!” cried the girl, as she produced her famous bat once again and separated Shinji’s head from his shoulders.
She opened her eyes, her cheeks still flushed with embarrassment at Shinji walking in on her as she was preparing to remove her panties, to see the blood covered walls, floor, ceiling, herself, and the twitching corpse of Shinji Ikari on the floor. “Oh no! Pipiru piru piru pipiru pi!”
12313212312313213213213212132132132
“So,” teased Misato, already slightly buzzed as Shinji began to cook, “you’re my little Shinji’s fiancée?”
Dokuro-chan nodded happily. “It all started back so many years ago, when me and Shinji walked along the beach.”
“I’ve never met you before today,” added Shinji, having to correct the girl occasionally on her “remembrance” of the past.
“We had spent the whole day swimming in the ocean, building sand castles.”
“I can’t swim.”
“We met again later that year in grade school, both of our moms walking us that important first day.”
“My mom was dead before grade school.”
“And on those monkey bars, we made a promise on those magical memories to always be together.”
“Once again, I’ve never seen you before today.”
“And our fathers agreed to join our families through our marriage.”
“My father hates my guts. He’d rather engage me to a lemming.”
“Wark.”
“Sorry, but my father feels you’re too good for me, PenPen.”
“That’s so sweet,” cried Misato, believing the girl’s story over Shinji. “WAH! My little Shin-chan’s all grown up!”
Sighing and lowering his head, Shinji continued to stir the soup. “This is all some weird hallucination.”
“God damn it,” muttered Asuka, coming into the dining area fresh from her shower, still wrapped in a towel. “I had to wash my hair ten times to get Hikari’s crap out of my hair.” She walked into the kitchen, looking at Dokuro-chan. “What is she doing here?”
“She’s Shinji’s fiancée of course,” said Misato. “Why wouldn’t she want to spend time with Shinji?”
“She moved into my room,” said Shinji. “I had no say in the matter.”
“Well, grow a spine, baka, and kick her out.”
“WAH!” cried Dokuro-chan, launching across the room and glomping onto Shinji, nearly making him burn himself on the stove. “How could you throw away our love, Shinji? We have so much history!”
“We’ve just met today,” said Shinji. “And you’ve killed me twice.”
“But I brought you back,” she said, clutching his arm. “Doesn’t that count?”
“Not really,” said Shinji, as he continued to prepare dinner.
“Ah; and how did she kill you Shinji?” teased Misato.
“Like this,” smiled Dokuro-chan.
Soon, Misato learned that Shinji had not been exaggerating or hinting at “the little death” when he told her what Dokuro-chan had done.
“Pipiru piru piru pipiru pi!”
1231321321321321321231231321321321321231
“I thought I asked you not to do that anymore,” said Shinji.
Dokuro-chan played with her fingers. “I forgot.”
“You killed me!” screamed Shinji. “How could you forget someone asking you not to kill them?”
“I was working on keeping that promise we made so long ago.”
“We never made any promise that long ago,” said Shinji. “In fact, we just met today, and you killed me three times so far.”
Taking a deep breath, Shinji turned to her, holding her by her shoulders. “I want you to promise me that you will not kill me or anyone else anymore. This also includes turning them into animals.”
“Well...” fumbled Dokuro-chan, as she played with her fingers.
“And I want you to turn Hikari back to normal the next time you see her.”
“Well...”
“Now, do you promise?”
“I promise on all our memories of that night so long ago.”
Twitching, Shinji began to gather his clothes for bed. “I’ve never met you before today.”
“Knock, knock,” said Misato, barging into the room. “Now, remember, Shinji,” teased Misato, the extra two beers she had to calm her nerves from seeing Shinji splattered all over the wall being enough to make her no longer care if her charge was being attacked, “no funny business in bed with your cute fiancée.”
“Eh?” gasped the two.
Giggling, Misato waved her finger at them. “I know how touchy-feely kids your age can get.”
“T-t-t-touchy-feely?” gasped Dokuro-chan, as she turned back to face Shinji.
Sadly, Shinji had raised his arm to try and get Misato to stop teasing both him and the girl with the very deadly bat. Which sadly lead to his open hand grasping her breast as she turned to confront him to see if he was touchy-feely.
As time stood still, Shinji could only think of one thing other than his quickly approaching death.
They feel firmer than Ayanami’s.
“BAKA HENTAI!” screamed Dokuro-chan, as Shinji quickly became red paint for his wall.
Asuka caught the tail end of it, coming to try and convince Dokuro-chan not to stay with a pervert like Shinji. Smiling, she nodded to herself as she went to her room. “I like this girl.
“I wonder if she can get me a bat like that.”
“Pipiru piru piru pipiru pi!”

[bissek]

Interesting, but I hope you're planning to have more jokes than just Angel related material falling asleep when this word is spoken (why didn't it make Gendo's hand go numb?) or Shinji getting in some accidentally intimate situation and being executed and reincarnated as punishment. Otherwise the fic will get old fast.

[lwf58]

Cute story. Of course, the canon Shinji Hikari would probably have gone catatonic from fear after the first time he was resurrected, and ended up being drip-fed in a hospital. If not, he surely would have ran away from home when he found Dokuro there... after being revived again, that is.

[Innortal]

So then do I need to make some changes, or will this fit in with my Omake Files?

[bissek]

If you make it slightly longer, it would be a good one-shot omake. As written it seems like chapter one of a story that will run out of jokes by chapter 3.

[Pale Wolf]

Shinji getting in some accidentally intimate situation and being executed and reincarnated as punishment.

I've only seen the first episode of that which this is a cross with... (and have no intention of ever changing that, unless I can somehow unsee that episode)
But that's about all the jokes there were. And a lot of really juvenile constipation jokes in the latter half of the episode too.
To be honest, it's well-written enough, but since I utterly despise the series you crossed it with and based the humour off of, it's not something I can appreciate.

[Innortal]

Understood. After all, there are just some genre that should never have been seen with human eyes.

[lwf58]

Shinji's OOCness is acceptable for a one-shot in a way that wouldn't be if you were planning a multi-part story, and Dokuro does have a fan base. Give it an ending and it'll work as a standalone fic.
I'm surprised that you didn't use the razor-sharp halo anywhere in the story.
Dokuro-chan is just one of those series you either like or hate. My own complaint was the fact that they tried to squeeze everything into two hours' worth of animation.

[Innortal]

Well, they didn't bring in the sharp halo until after Sabato-chan arrived.
Question: What should be the even that they were sent back in time to kill Shinji for?

[Pale Wolf]

Turning humanity into Tang?

[Innortal]

If you don't know the series too well:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bokusatsu_ ... okuro-chan
Suggested idea: Somehow thanks to Shinji, when a female returns, she either returns looking like as Rei, Misato, or Asuka.

[Lord Aries Greymon]

Turning humanity into Tang?

I'll have to remember that as the "simple" explanation.
And what's this I hear about a Razored-Halo?

[lwf58]

Dokuro-chan and her like are Angelic Enforcers. They are angels sent out to assassinate people that heaven thinks need to go. They each have a special magic weapon. In Dokuro's case, it's a heavy, spiked baseball bat called Excaliborg.
The halos above their heads are razor-sharp. They don't use them as weapons, though. It's more a defense, because if someone takes their halo away, they get a bad and continuous case of explosive diarrhea. ^_^;; Trying to grab the halo can and does result in fingers dropping to the floor.
BTW, Dokuro was sent into the past to assassinate the guy she lives with because he's going to create a device that changes all women into eternally young girls, a lolicon fantasy come true. But after arriving, she fell in love with him at first sight. After that, she tries to change history so that he never does that and can be spared. Another angel is eventually sent back to do what Dokuro won't, but she ends up being fate's spittoon.
Being an enforcer angel has drawbacks for the male lead, though. Whenever surprised, embarrassed, or angered, Dokuro's immediate gut reaction is to terminate him. She's always very sorry afterward. Fortunately (?) she has the power to resurrect him every time, or it would be a very short series.

[Innortal]

Which is why I am also trying to create a Ranma Omake File based on the series fusion as well. She just screams "Fiancee".

[Pale Wolf]

I'll have to remember that as the "simple" explanation.

Can't claim to have created it. I picked it up somewhere or another back when I was primarily into Eva fanfiction.

Fortunately (?) she has the power to resurrect him every time, or it would be a very short series.

One minute and counting