Ranma Dark Moon 2.0-Or something to that effect

[deathgeonous]

I have not been happy with my fic Ranma Dark Moon for a few chapters. Great idea, good start to it, but then it went all wrong looking back on it. I think it was when Dark Saturn destroyed Ranma's school that it got bad for me.
So I plan to re-write the entire fic from the start, and expainding and making some minor changes to it to make it flow better untill that chapter where Ranma started school in Juban.
So I am asking you what you think of this idea of rewriting it and then going in a new direction is, and any ideas you have to make the first few chapters better.
I am of course keeping the same over all idea of the story, and I am just slightly at times to semi majorly changing the way it was written for the first few chapters, but then it goes in a whole new direction.
This was personly one of my favorite fics I wrote till I screwed it up in my mind, and would aprecate any and all ideas on what to do both with the rewriting of the fics begining and where to go from there.
All help will be greatly appreacated, and all ideas will be considered.
Thanks for any and all help given, and here's the link to the old version on FF.Net if needed and or wanted.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2957292/1/
Oh and does any one know if when I post the new version if I'm allowed to keep the old one up if I change the title? I mean they are going to be two difrent stories, and while the first one is preaty much going to die off, I would still like to keep the old up for postarity's sake, if not for anyone who wants to read it again.
Thaks for the future help people, bye for now.

[Tovath]

I can't think of anything to help with the rewrite although I would like to have Ryoga not get turned to stone. I do know you can keep the old story up though because I have seen it happen with a story before.

[P.H. Wise]

A few general suggestions, then:
1 - Be careful of allowing the Sailor Senshi of Ranma's world to become more or less ineffective. Although they may look silly, these girls have attained some serious power. Sailor Moon's eternal form outstrips even Saturn (though Saturn is still capable of more outright destruction), and all of the Senshi have gotten numerous powerups. They fought *GALAXIA*, who, if you're using anime continuity, was the original Sailor Senshi. Furthermore, unless you're giving the youma some serious powerups, they're not going to be much more than speedbumps for any of the Senshi. They were a challenge back in season 1, but remember, post-Galaxia, all of the Senshi have received numerous powerups. This situation would be much more believable if it happened in, say, season 1. While it can be very tempting to make everyone into poor helpless maidens for Ranma to swoop in and save, it does a disservice to the characters involved. If Ranma is the only one with even the remotest hope of being effective against the Dark Moon Kingdom, you're A: in danger of creating a Mary Sue, and B: writing yourself into a corner.
2 - Take your time. Let the scenes develop naturally, and let your conversation be like human conversation. It's not enough to have your characters talk at each other: their talk must have content. People have interests and dreams and feelings that go beyond simple exposition.
3 - Be very careful with Sailor Saturn. She's like magical artillery. All the other Senshi can engage in close quarters urban fighting without fear of causing too much collateral damage, but Saturn is the big gun: great for situations when you don't care what's being blown up, but almost useless inside a populated area, unless she plans on sticking only to fighting with her Glaive and using the Silence Wall. Admittedly, the Glaive is a powerful weapon, but that's still like using a hand grenade to take out a bee hive when all you really need is some insecticide. If you aren't careful, she will end your story long before it's ready to be ended.
4 - Be very careful of how much influence the dark moon princess has over Ranma, lest he stop being Ranma altogether. Character development is one thing, but it should be character development that makes sense, and is logical given the situation, and it should never make the character stop being him or her self. Any story, no matter how well written, where you can rename the main character "Hobo Bob" without there being any real difference automatically fails.

[Metroidvania]

Also, be careful with the Dom/Sub aspects of Dark Moon and Dark Pluto.
As is, it seems contrived and fakey, not the natural aspect of the Dark Moon Kingdom you attempted to make it out to be.
And another thing to consider, are there spatial distortions or anything of the like with two Silence Glaives, Space Swords, Submarine Mirrors, or Garnet Rods being in the same plane, and drawing from the same, if admittedly in different universe, power sources?

[StarEyed]

Be careful of allowing the Sailor Senshi of Ranma's world to become more or less ineffective. Although they may look silly, these girls have attained some serious power

Agreed. While I think it's entirely likely that the enemy senshi would be stronger than their equivalent since they've had a lot longer to learn to use their powers it's somewhat unlikely that youma would be able to rival the Senshi in power. Remember, the senshi have star seeds that are linked to an entire planet. Youma don't have acess to that kind of power source.
On the other hand most of the Senshi don't have much combat training. They've kind of learnt as they went along. Well trained youma, although lacking in sheer power, might give them trouble because of this.
I guess I'm saying that you have to define why the Senshi are having so much of a problem facing the Dark Kingdom forces.

[P.H. Wise]

Of the (non-dark) Senshi, the one with the most training is almost certainly Sailor Pluto.
From there, in terms of how well trained they are, as near as I can tell, it goes as follows:
1 - Pluto
2 - Uranus (tied)
2 - Neptune (tied)
3 - Jupiter (she actually goes out and trains, people, and has episodes devoted to her training)
4 - Mars
5 - Venus
6 - Mercury
7 - Saturn
8 - Moon
In terms of how *experienced* they are as Senshi, on the other hand, without taking possible past-life memories into account, it breaks down a bit differently, though note that the difference in experience with the Inner Senshi (with the exception of Venus) is small enough that it's nearly negligible:
1 - Pluto
2 - Venus (was fighting as Sailor V at *least* a year before the others were awakened, if not more)
3 - Moon
4 - Mercury
5 - Mars
6 - Jupiter
7 - Neptune
8 - Uranus
9 - Saturn

[deathgeonous]

Thanks, this is very helpful. Especialy the trained Youma idea. Gives me some things to think on. Any more help will be very aprecated. I hope to make this much better this time.

[deathgeonous]

Sorry about the shortness and incopleatness of the last post, but I was posting it on a break from the D&D campain that I DM when one of my players was leveling up. Now I can actually expand on soe things.
You see, I am what I like to call a point writer in planing a story. That is I write doing a sertian number of points the story must get to and have happen. Then I write the story playing conect the dots. I know some of you will tell me that an outline is key, I can't work off an outline. I've tried, and I get lost in doing them. It's like as I write an outline I start writing the story its self, thus nagating the need for an outline. So I use the plot point system. And it works well for me.
The key is having enough plot points for the story. And Ranma Dark Moon didn't have enough of them, so I got lost in it. I think in this one I will more than double my previous max in plot points in any story. That should keep me from loseing myself in this story.
As to what you've said so far. I apreciate it. I've gone over it a few times, and will go over it some more later. But one thing I want to explain, in the
story, the Youma are so strong because they're better Youma. Hey, this Moon Kingdom that's attacking has had the Youma as footsoilders for thousands of years. So they have gotten better, stronger, faster,more durable, due to magical edowmants, selctive breeding, and just plain getting better ones from the Youma home plane then Beryl could ever hope to get due to relations with the Youma home plane. They took it over. Well that's why I thought the Youma were better. Now how actually explain that in story, seeing as I should. Any sugestions?
And your're right the Dom/Sub part does seem forced. I will have to work on that as well, for I want to keep it. It's sort of integrail to the story, I just need to sit down and write it much better this time.
And all the ranking of Senshi you did helps me greatly. I agree with most if not all of it.
As to the true combat stats of the Senshi in this fic, I will have to think hard on their true level. It can't be to high, but it can't be low either. More like great team work, great power, ok tactics, ok exicution of said tactics, bad one on one, and horible close combat with out magic. That's over all as a group. Some Senshi are better in some area's then other's, while the oppisite is also true.
Regarding the NWC, I have to fit them in powerwise as well. That's kind of hard, yet not imposible.
Yes the Dark Senshi are more powerful hands down then the native ones. They have to be.
And Finaly, conserning Ranma. First I have to gage what the true power of Dark Moon is. For Dark Moon is second only in power to Dark Qeen Serenity. That's a lot. Then I have to deal with the Dark Serenity the Second's personality creeping in to Ranma, for Ranma must stay Ranma. My idea was not that Dark Serenity the Second takes over Ranma's mind, for she is well and truly dead. But a remainder of her lives on in Ranma, and is slowly seeping into Ranma's subconsious. And that mainly effects Ranma's personality. Not Ranma's mind or actions, just the personality. And it will not be a huge and sudden change, but a slow progress that has a few sudden jumps and a lot of slow downs, while suffering through some minor and some major mood swings and in the end does change Ranma's personality somewhat, but not the core of self. Am I even being clear here? I hope you understand what I am trying to say. If not I will think on it and tell you again if asked to.
Well there is some things on my idea I have. any help in how to implement it other then 'Try writing an outline, they're not as hard as you think' is apreceated.
Thanks for all the previous help as well people.

[P.H. Wise]

As to what you've said so far. I apreciate it. I've gone over it a few times, and will go over it some more later. But one thing I want to explain, in the
story, the Youma are so strong because they're better Youma. Hey, this Moon Kingdom that's attacking has had the Youma as footsoilders for thousands of years. So they have gotten better, stronger, faster,more durable, due to magical edowmants, selctive breeding, and just plain getting better ones from the Youma home plane then Beryl could ever hope to get due to relations with the Youma home plane. They took it over. Well that's why I thought the Youma were better. Now how actually explain that in story, seeing as I should. Any sugestions?

The simplest way of doing this would be for the Senshi to notice that these Youma are noticibly more powerful than the previous Youma that they faced, and having someone (possibly Mercury?) look into why that is, and figure out what's different about these ones.

And your're right the Dom/Sub part does seem forced. I will have to work on that as well, for I want to keep it. It's sort of integrail to the story, I just need to sit down and write it much better this time.

In that case, I would recommend doing some research into dom/sub psychology to make it seem more real. Careful, though. It can get pretty screwed up.

As to the true combat stats of the Senshi in this fic, I will have to think hard on their true level. It can't be to high, but it can't be low either. More like great team work, great power, ok tactics, ok exicution of said tactics, bad one on one, and horible close combat with out magic. That's over all as a group. Some Senshi are better in some area's then other's, while the oppisite is also true.

Most Senshi do tend to focus on magical attacks over hand to hand. The ones who are able and willing to take things hand to hand are...
- Uranus
- Neptune
- Jupiter
The ones who can fight with weapons reasonably well are...
- Pluto (with her staff)
- Uranus (the space sword)
- Venus (some sort of enchanted sword - manga only. She doesn't use it in the anime)
Sailor Saturn's proficiency with the Silence Glaive is never really shown.

Regarding the NWC, I have to fit them in powerwise as well. That's kind of hard, yet not imposible.
Yes the Dark Senshi are more powerful hands down then the native ones. They have to be.

Consider that it's not how powerful you are that counts, but how effectively you use the power you have. The application of the force you wield is more important than the strength of it. In the words of Archimedes, "If you give me a lever and a place to stand, I can move the world."

[deathgeonous]

P.H Wise wrote
Consider that it's not how powerful you are that counts, but how effectively you use the power you have. The application of the force you wield is more important than the strength of it. In the words of Archimedes, "If you give me a lever and a place to stand, I can move the world."
That's very true. And I have not forgotten it. It's just how will their skills and techniques work out on the Youma? They are much better of against the soilders handeling the Youma.
Hmm that could work, Senshi go after Youma, NWC go after handlers. What do you think guys?

[crystlshake]

For the DM/ranma power issue, you could have him start out at the upper range for where you slot the rest of the NWC. A large deciding element will be the effectiveness of Nermia class fisticuffs on the youma and how they react to chi based attacks. If you opporate them like magic then the NWC is pretty good to go and fit right in with the low end senshi with a close range expertise over a long range one. If you allow them (or just some of them) to use chi to protect themselves from energy attacks or physical attacks you can further adjust their placement. Could optionally even just have it work one way or the other.
If the youma can absorb or ignore chi (either attack or deffensive form) your effective fighter roster drops a bit leaving the top NWC fighters averageing below the last rated senshi in combat effectiveness. It kind of hinges on who you'd like to cut out from the fights.
Mousse's weapons effectiveness could be negated by inplying that they are enhanced by chi or a draining attack would disrupt his technique that keeps them hidden and burry him.
Perhaps leave them with internal uses for their chi such as strengthening thier bodies to take or make a hit or 'self buffs' but make their projected chi usage useless or mostly ineffective. Though Happi and Cologne would have magical items to bring to the table if they got involved to keep up with. The other cast could pop up with one from time to time as well. Ryoga and Kuno both seem to have a flair for finding magical artifacts to put to agressive use.
And in relation to Archimedes' point-building stonehenge with a lever.
http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid ... enge&hl=en

[Mitchell]

In Sailor Moon Rei uses spirt wards, which seem to effect the mosters. If they are powered by chi, I can see some of the NWC trying to learn how to do them if they find their chi usage falling short. Happosoi and Ku Lon probably can already form spirt wards to hurt, if not kill some of the Yuuma. This impies that chi could effect hte yuuma, if not as muc has magic, however its your story so decide how you want to swing it.

[P.H. Wise]

That's very true. And I have not forgotten it. It's just how will their skills and techniques work out on the Youma? They are much better of against the soilders handeling the Youma.

While it applies to the Nerima Wrecking Crew, it can apply just as well to the Dark Senshi. If these people have had ten thousand years to learn how to use their power, they don't even *need* to be more powerful than the regular Senshi - the difference in the skillful application of that power is more than enough to create a vast difference in combat effectiveness.

[FOG3]

In Sailor Moon Rei uses spirt wards, which seem to effect the mosters. If they are powered by chi, I can see some of the NWC trying to learn how to do them if they find their chi usage falling short. Happosoi and Ku Lon probably can already form spirt wards to hurt, if not kill some of the Yuuma. This impies that chi could effect hte yuuma, if not as muc has magic, however its your story so decide how you want to swing it.

... What does Taoism/Mahayana Buddhism's, for lack of a better term, feature creep have to do with chi? Especially Ranmaverse chi? Basically it's a kind of wacky way of doing prayers. Instead of constantly saying them you basically write them down, and either have it as a standing thing or being moved through the air to uh simulate the effect of doing said prayers. Yes, Shinto pulled in said features, the origin is basically the same. Are you trying to claim these guys are _priest_ material?
Seems as how you're using Ranma as opposed to Love Hina you have no traction there in reality, but there's always author's caveat if the issue has to be forced. Why you would want to take deferrence for a prominent religion of the area and piss all over it for such a thing I'll never understand.
A microversion of the Mozaku's defeses, albiet more conditional, would perhaps be the be a better model for this sort of thing.

[StarEyed]

If these people have had ten thousand years to learn how to use their power, they don't even *need* to be more powerful than the regular Senshi - the difference in the skillful application of that power is more than enough to create a vast difference in combat effectiveness.

Agreed. In fact the Dark Senshi are the Senshi from another dimension. Same star seed, same planetary link. In theory they have the same maximum power. Of course that doesn't mean that the more experienced Dark Senshi won't be able to use more of that power than the normal Senshi. A lot of a Senshi's potential power could be dormant until they're ready to use it safely.
That would also explain why they grow in power as the series continues. The power source doesn't change, just how much of it they're able to use.