Shampoo & the Sorcerer

[SpaceKnight of Chaos]

This idea came to me this morning and I thought I'd see if it had any potential for development. Like all my stories, it's set in the anime canon- this time post the OAVS & movies. The basic concept is that Cologne takes Mousse out of the Nekohanten on an errand of some sort, and asks Shampoo to clean off some of her treasures, though for what reason currently escapes me- perhaps as some sort of punishment. Anyway, while cleaning, Shampoo gets distracted while thinking about ranma, and as a result drops and breaks some knick-knack. Smoke pours from the broken trinket and colaesces into the form of a human, who thanks Shampoo for releasing him and introduces himself as a sorcerer who was unjustly imprisoned within that bauble.

Now, at this point, I'm unsure whether or not to have it that he truly is the innocent he claims to be, or to have it that he was imprisoned rightfully due to being some sort of evil character, but that doesn't really matter right now. Out of gratitude to Shampoo, he offers to aid her in the pursuit of a single, though the reality of the situation (irregardless of his nature) is that he needs time to recover his full power after having spent so long imprisoned. Naturally, Shampoo decides she wants him to give her Ranma...

With various reasons, however, he manages to persuade her that having him try and enchant Ranma into loving her is the wrong way about this. Instead, he will be bound to aid her while she attempts to win Ranma in the more normal fashion- by first acheiving his friendship, then aiming for romance, using methods that, frankly, she should have tried in the first place: getting to know Ranma, letting him get to know her, sparring with him, teaching him new techniques, things like that. The sorcerer's job throughout all of this is equally lookout and to run interference- if Ryoga is about to barge in on a date between the two, he teleports the Lost Boy to the other side of the country, that sort of thing.

Now, before anyone says anything, this guy is not a Gary Stu. Far from it. He gives advice and the odd helping hand, but that doesn't mean all of Shampoo's problems will vanish like magic- she has a lot of bad history to make up for, even in the anime. Not to mention that the sorcerer is, to put it politely, a sarcastic smartass with a penchant for beaning Shampoo with his staff when he thinks she needs it (or simply thinkgs it's funny).

So, what do folks think?

[stratagemini]

Frankly I think the idea would lead to a fairly boring story as stated. It resolves all the conflicts without making new ones. and that's the sort of story that no one really wants to read. In order to create a good story you need to think of ways that each development will effect events.

There need to be new conflicts as a result. Stuff like Shampoo getting roped into fighting ancient rivals of the sorcerer, or spells gone a muck leading Ranma and company needing to clean things up. He needs a connection with the other cast members besides shampoo as well. What's his relationship with mousse? How does Cologne respond to him being freed and to him as a character specifically? how does she respond to him helping Shampoo? How does Gosunkugi respond when he realizes there's a real sorcerer around? How does Kuno react when he finds out about this newest "foul sorcerer"? How does Ranma react to news of a potential cure to his curse in the form of shampoo's new adviser? How would Shampoo React to Ranma's attention on her because of this sorcerer?

You also need to remember that Shampoo isn't going to change overnight, that she'll fall back into old habits, 5that there are struggles to change and the fiancee problems won't just go away because Shampoo adopts a strategy basically exactly the same to Ukyou's (a strategy that doesn't work for Ukyou and is unlikely to work for Shampoo).

Frankly, the way you've outlined the idea it would be a lot better if he Did just enchant Ranma to love her and Shampoo had to deal with the consequences, a sort of "Be careful what you wish for" story. The kind of story you've outlined is a dime a dozen. and most of those are bad.

[SpaceKnight of Chaos]

I kind of thought all the conflicts that were likely to develop was blatantly obvious. I'm not claiming to be a master storywriter, but I'm not stupid! I know that there has to be conflict, and the scenario I've laid out has plenty of room for havoc- hell, I thought I said it outright that this guy won't be solving all of Shampoo's problems. A train wreck is still a train wreck even if you divert the oncoming train so it smashes into a different train. Let's see, off the top of my head...

*Ranma is going to be suspicious of Shampoo's sudden switch in behavior, and her efforts to try and divert him from finding out about the sorcerer (who wants to keep himself hidden), not to mention her own occasional stumbling or outright ignoring the sorcerer's advice, is just going to make him even more suspicious. Which will only further hinder Shampoo's efforts to try and get Ranma to start loving her back.

*Akane is going to be ticked off if Ranma starts actually wanting to spend time around Shampoo, but her tendency to sulk means she isn't the greatest threat. Soun, Genma and on occasion Ryoga, however, will be actively trying everything in their power to keep Ranma & Shampoo apart and otherwise interfere in things.

*Ukyo & Mousse are going to pissed off and kick their own efforts in regards the seduction of their chosen one into overdrive- this sort of situation might even have them go off and learn a new technique or three to try and take down their enemy.

*Shampoo is going to have to hide her new ally from everyone's scrutiny, particularly her great-grandmother- gods only know what will happen if the truth comes out.

*Suppose the sorcerer's current state leads to spells going amuck; Shampoo will not only have to try and fix them, but she'll also have to try and prevent the others from finding out about them.

*And then there's the whole possibility that her 'ally' is actually some kind of dark lord who's been using her as a guardian while he recovered his strength, which means he's now free to go out and destroy the world or whatever.

Like I said, I kind of thought my intentions to incorporate all this **** into this story was obvious, hence why I didn't post it before.

[Vilkath]

More then anything it looks like a character building story for Shampoo and Ranma, the whole magic thing seems to take a back seat as stated. Simply put the same basic idea could been done with one those Ranma and Shampoo runs away, gets sent to another dimension etc stories.

Not saying it's a bad idea, just that the simple Shampoo and Ranma building a friendship plot has been done before, and the whole magic simply used to keep away some the nermia chaos seems rather minor to me.

[yasuhei]

Nothing is obvious if you don't actually state it. You didn't do much to imply it either.

Secondly strat suggested new forms of conflict, whereas you seem to be suggesting to roll out exactly the same tired old conflicts we've already read 100 times before, only now there's a sorcerer.

Thirdly, never mind Ranma... I have trouble believing in this version of Shampoo. It's going to need a more convincing write up than just somebody telling her to do it. Where is this change coming from? What motivates it? What makes it any more than the other 4 thousand scams one of the fiancees has run to try and make Ranma hers?

How will Shampoo be distinct from Ukyou, who in canon already has the role as understanding and friendly fiancee?


I think for anything like this to work there has to be more to Shampoos changes than simply making it a matter of her methodology. And I don't mean that is required to make Ranma fall for her, I mean it is required to make it work as a story.


The idea of your sorcerer has some potential, but that will entirely depend on your writing of him rather than the core concept, IMO. And even if he happened to rock, you need to get the Shampoo elements sorted before this can possibly be an effective fic.


-yas

[Yarrow]

If you're going to jump down people's throats when they offer suggestions, don't expect people to try to help you with any more free input. And why in the world would we expect you to throw in a bunch of things you never even bothered to mention.

Anyway, as for your idea itself, I have trouble imagining anyone, sorcerer or not, convincing Shampoo to be nice and reasonable with regard to trying to win someone over. Basically, Shampoo isn't reasonable when it comes to Ranma, so reasonable arguments aren't going to work very well. She's already had plenty of opportunity to see her tactics aren't working and to try different things. Now, maybe the sorcerer could trick her into being nice to Ranma: "For this part of the spell to work, you must..."

You need to decide the sorcerer's motivation before you can really do much else. It completely sets the course of the story. I think the least interesting option is that he's exactly what he seems and is helping Shampoo out of gratitude. That's bascially just another 'something comes in out of the blue and knocks sense into the head of one of the girls chasing Ranma' story. Maybe he's someone who just gets off on causing heartbreak and misery and is trying to drive things to a horrible end for his own amusement. Maybe he wants Shampoo to acquire certain magic items he needs to increase his power. Maybe he's just putting a token effort into helping her until he gets strong enough to try to take over the world. Maybe he's planning to take over the world--and Cologne finds out about him, stops him from regaining his full power, and tells him he'd better make sure Shampoo really does win Ranma or it's back into the jewelry box for him, making him suddenly a lot more concerned about how well Shampoo's doing. Or maybe once he gains enough power, he turns on Shampoo, causing Ranma to defeat him and save Shampoo--whereupon, much to Shampoo's surprise, while Ranma is holding her and realizing that he almost lost her, the 'defeated' sorceror gives her a little wink and vanishes.

There are a number of interesting ways this could go, each with a different feel and level of dramatic tension, but you need to decide which one appeals to you most. Once you do that, a lot more will fall into place. Oh, and irregardless isn't a word.

[yasuhei]

Oh, and irregardless isn't a word.

But if it was, I think it would mean 'with regard to [subject]' :p

[SpaceKnight of Chaos]

Where I come from, irregardless is a word used quite often in literature. It means, basically, "without any regard to the subject". For example "irregardless of the facts, Akane considers Ranma to be a pervert". Amazing are the differences in continental variants of English.

And I apologise for my behavior. I guess that my intentions to add troubles seemed so obvious to me that I thought it would be obvious to anyone. The fact I would need to add conflict is just such a basic component of fanfiction writing that I felt insulted anyone would think I was unaware of it.

Yarrow, thank you; I was thinking that the biggest requisite would be to further define the sorcerer's actual goals and thus use them to make this concept unique, but you've clarified things quite well and given me some good material to chew on.

My current thoughts run along the lines of him having darker motives to try and help- something along the lines of him genuinely aiding Shampoo to win simply because doing that will cause heartbreak and misery (remember, if Shampoo wins, Ukyo, Mousse, Akane, Soun & Genma all lose- Ryoga & Kuno are the only ones who benefit), which will further fuel his powers and allow him to carry out his real goals once he has accumulated enough strength.

I especially like the suggestion about him deciding to "help" Ranma realise what he has in Shampoo by almost killing her, then teleporting away after engaging in and taking the fall in a 'token' fight. Adds extra ambiguousness to his character, and leaves room open for a sequel/continuation.

[yasuhei]

Where I come from, irregardless is a word used quite often in literature. It means, basically, "without any regard to the subject". For example "irregardless of the facts, Akane considers Ranma to be a pervert". Amazing are the differences in continental variants of English.

'Regardless' means 'without regard'. Irregardless would be a double negative.

Certainly it is used, but this does not prevent me from believing it is wrong. It's a double negative after all.


Here's a quote ganked from dictionary.com

Usage Note: Irregardless is a word that many mistakenly believe to be correct usage in formal style, when in fact it is used chiefly in nonstandard speech or casual writing. Coined in the United States in the early 20th century, it has met with a blizzard of condemnation for being an improper yoking of irrespective and regardless and for the logical absurdity of combining the negative ir- prefix and -less suffix in a single term. Although one might reasonably argue that it is no different from words with redundant affixes like debone and unravel, it has been considered a blunder for decades and will probably continue to be so.

[Pale Wolf]

The fact I would need to add conflict is just such a basic component of fanfiction writing that I felt insulted anyone would think I was unaware of it.

The problem is that the state of fanfiction is such that remembering even something that basic still puts you in the upper tier.

In other words, it's not a safe assumption

[SpaceKnight of Chaos]

The problem is that the state of fanfiction is such that remembering even something that basic still puts you in the upper tier.

In other words, it's not a safe assumption

...I honestly wish I could say that I believe you to be joking, but now that I think about things, from what I've heard of the current mainstream fanfic communites (Harry Potter, Naruto, etc), you're obviously dead serious. And with good reason. That just means I owe even more of an apology, as well as my praise for having the courage to dare risk delving into such morasses of putridness.

[FOG3]

That doesn't necessarily seem that productive an attitude to take to the situation.

The average fanfiction writer these days is almost assuredly a teenager, as opposed to a college student of yester year. The Schools do not give them any real instruction in story writing, and I honestly cannot say most of what their exposed to is that much better. Most people, and therefore the majority of people writing fan fiction, spend a considerable amount of time watching television which is dominated by the sitcom formula.

With the sitcom formula nothing really ever changes, "character development" involve bitch slapping a character back into their mold for daring to deviate from status quo, and the reset button is basically hit at the beginning of each new episode. So even when you have a premise like with Voyager, where you have a ship stranded on the other side of the galaxy, no matter how badly damaged it is in one episode at the beginning of the next episode it's like it's fresh out of dry dock. Realism, logic, continuity, any sort of really meaningful conflict, and otherwise is basically thrown out the door as a consequence.

The material that doesn't follow the sitcom formula is rare and far between, which was part of the attraction of anime in the earlier days as a lot of what we were getting at the time was not the sitcom formula. It's so bad there's actually a few shows that were not really that well written, and took themselves rather seriously, that have prospered simply because they abandoned the sitcom formula.

Personally it seems unfair to just badmouth people who are in reality largely just newbies trying to write out their basically fantasy ideas to solve problems, given the state of those who actually make writing their career. These newbies at least have an excuse, for why their having issues. Furthermore very few if anyone here qualifies as a Grand Master in writing terms, so can be ripped apart almost as easily. Thus personally I would advise an attitude more along the lines of pity then those of scorn.

Especially as I've yet to see you actually write up any of these ideas you do fishing for refinement of SpaceKnight.

[Kimina]

I've often wanted to write a Ranma and Mage magic fic myself but with my current experience and my desire to create quality fics instead of the complete shit you see in the Ranma section every day (Save for the one happy cartoon whale floating in the endless sea of secondhand bongwater every so often) has kept me from actively trying to write my own fic. That and the fact I have other lifely matters to look into.