Anime, Scifi, Fantasy Fan and Original Fiction
by Cyber_Skaarj » Mon Apr 16, 2007 6:20 am
"If either of you two tell the others about this..." he warned.
"You'll what, spank us?" Haruka asked mischievously.
"No... You'd like that too much..." he responded with a grimace, "I was
thinking I'd never go on another date with any of you...."
"You wouldn't..." the blonde responded in shock.
"Watch me,": he smirked back, "I went over a year resisting going out
with girls that threw themselves at me... Wanna see how long I can do it
again?"
by Neko- » Fri Apr 20, 2007 11:29 am
"The dark hand! It's coming for me!! Don't let it get me!! AIIIIEEEEEEEE!!!" Still screeching at the top of her lungs, Akane turned around and fled up the stairs to her room.
Kasumi sighed. "Oh my. It looks like Akane needs her medicine again." Opening the closet next to the living room, she withdrew a dart gun, a hypodermic dart, and a bottle of horse tranquilizer before heading up the stairs herself, expertly preparing the device in her arms for use as she went. Everyone left in the room sweatdropped.
Kuno chuckled haughtily. "You will not find me so easily vanquished, fiend, for I stand before you a new man!" He thrust a fist into the air.
Ranma blinked. "'A new man'? What, did you hit your head and get amnesia?" It didn't seem terribly likely; Kuno's head had taken such ridiculous levels of damage before that Ranma seriously doubted it housed anything of importance anyway.
"Nay, hold your pitiful attempts at witticism Saotome, for they merely accentuate your ignorance." Kuno rubbed his chin, as if deep in thought. "I have come to the conclusion, knave, that my earlier duels against thee have lacked a most crucial element on my part: the serenity and nobility for which one such as I is naturally entitled to."
"Personally, if I were you, I'd be more worried about the lack of brains," Ranma commented quite seriously. "Of course, if I were you, then I wouldn't be me, so I might not have my perspective." Ranma mounted his chin on his fist in thought. "More to the point, if I were you, would I have your mind and soul, or just your body? Saying that I'm you kind of implies that I'd only be in your body, but then I hardly think I'd be picking fights with me, you know?"
*Thud!*
Ranma looked over toward where Kuno had stood, only to see that the older boy was lying face-down on the floor, out cold.
He blinked. "Whoa... did I just outsmart him into unconsciousness?" Really, Ranma had just been fooling around to try and drag the fight out, since it didn't seem like he'd have much else to do during his punishment time.
After a view moments, a portal of white opened up in the middle, and an image began to form that resembled an outline of Ataru's profile. In the middle of it, where the brain was located, the image of an input box such as computer programs used appeared, complete with a blinking, rectangular cursor.
Spontaneously, the cursor began to move, leaving text in its wake.
[Ataru Saotome's "To Do" List:]
[Shampoo]
[Shinobu]
[Kurama]
[Kasumi - Bad Command or File Name]
[Nabiki]
[Akane - Violent tendencies rising - Abort, Retry, Fail?]
[Lum]
[Hot nurse everyone talks about - Path Not Found]
[Steal Ranma's cookies]
[That chick that sits behind me in math]
[Copyright Bill Gates, CEO of Microsoft Corporation and owner of your soul, you miserable cretins]
A sudden light show attracted his attention ahead, and Ranma groaned as he saw five more childhood friends, identified as such by the appropriately brief flashback bubbles that he was zipping past, point at him as they posed in multi-colored miniskirts.
"A woman's virginity is not something that is lightly offered!"
"A maiden's heart is sensitive and pure!"
"For you to so callously refuse our affections is unacceptable!"
"Don't you see that love is the answer? Emotional, physical, does it matter? Is it too much to ask for?"
"In the name of the moon, we will jump your bones!"
(The scene opens to the image of Ataru sitting behind a large, curved desk, wearing a formal business suit and tie. Next to him sits Sakura, also formally dressed, and edging as close as she can to the outer rim of the camera shot to put distance between her and Ataru.)
"And we're back to JNN, your news at whenever the heck you happen to read this," Ataru picked up the stack of papers in front of him and then tapped the bottom edge of the stack against the desk to straighten the pile, careless or ignorant of the fact that he was holding a stack of perfectly blank Xerox paper. "Our top story tonight: WAR!!"
Sakura took over, turning to one side slightly as she kept her eyes locked on the prompter. "A recent surge of unrest in the Spamville sections of www.fukufics.com has led to military action by the forum Brotherhood of G.R.O.S.S., or Get Rid Of Slimy Succubi, a violent splinter faction that opposes forum admin Josh Temple and his relentless crusade to make Ranma Saotome a Sailor Senshi. Conflict has already broken out amongst the various threads, and mass warfare seems unavoidable."
A small diagram appeared next to Ataru, showing an outline of a human head with a black spot inside the skull.
"Experts suggest that anyone who didn't see this coming a mile away might not have any brains at all!" Ataru said authoritatively, gesturing to the diagram.
"And now, to get a better perspective on the conflict, we turn to our embedded reporter and senior combat analyst, Ranma Saotome," Sakura said, gesturing to the side.
A fuzzy, static-filled image appeared next to Sakura, and the image slowly cleared to reveal Ranma standing in front of a scarred landscape covered in craters and smoke-filled trenches. Manning the trenches behind him, instead of actual soldiers, were animate, chibi-sized plushie versions of Space Marines and Stormtroopers firing off-screen.
Sakura grimaced. "It looks pretty bad out there, Saotome. Is there any end in sight?"
Ranma shrugged. "For all I can tell, both sides still command endless waves of reinforcements, and it doesn't look like this battle is going to end until the corpses and stuffing pile up high enough that neither side can fire at each other. But even that will be a temporary peace, I'm afraid. For both armies, there is only one acceptable outcome: a complete and crushing victory."
Ranma gestured out to the trenches. "But this is just the rear lines. At the front the fighting has reached a point of massacre as Final Fantasy Tactics units are roasted alive by the dozen from Black Dragon's special unit plushies, ranging in form from Lina Inverse to Iori Yagami, to a dozen different magic-wielding versions of me from a variety of dead fanfics."
Sakura was about to ask another question, when Ataru suddenly leaned over toward the picture.
"Whoa, wait! Aren't the FFT units part of Stratagemini's army? One of the Spammaster Generals of the Brotherhood? That's on the same side as the plushie army of the Lord of Chaos?" Ataru asked, causing Sakura to look thoughtful.
"Well... yeah." Ranma admitted. "Funny story, actually. You see, everybody on Josh's side is either already dead, refuses to fight, or are such dirty God-moders that they're no fun to battle with. The actual war lasted about six minutes, including coffee breaks." Ranma scratched the back of his head. "And, well, the armies didn't want their budget to get cut next year, so they've started killing each other now."
Sakura sweatdropped. "I see. Thank you, Ranma. Stay safe out there."
The box disappeared, and a smaller one appeared in its place, portraying a small tropical island with a volcano in the middle. Sakura cleared her throat.
"Overlord and Brotherhood General Black Dragon, Lord of Chaos continues to reside in his deserted island laboratory fortress, occasionally overseeing the war, but mostly playing Phantom Brave and drinking soda pop. To aid him in his quest for cyberspacial domination he has trained the island's indigenous giant sand crabs to heed his commands as his loyal slaves. Also in preparation of the war, Black Dragon is said to have constructed a complex network of orbital ion cannon satellites, which has been summarily rendered useless by the unforeseen complications of getting giant crabs to effectively use complicated electronics for aiming such weapons."
There was a slight rumbling sound in the background, and Ataru and Sakura blinked as everything shook slightly.
Ataru suddenly pressed a hand to his ear and concentrated. "I have just been informed that Wyoming has been completely destroyed by a series of devastating energy beams from space!"
Ataru once again stopped, his hand still pressed against his ear. "This just in! The Bush Administration has organized for a public poll to determine whether the President should take credit for the orbital assault or blame it on Bill Clinton!"
Once again, Ataru stopped and concentrated, his hand not having moved. "Breaking news! I have just been informed that there is no transmitter in my ear!"
"MOVING ON," Sakura said firmly, "we've managed to send our own reporter, Lum, to interview one of the Brotherhood generals behind this pointless slaughter that they have initiated. She's managed to get this exclusive interview with Jester "Himitsu" Xellos, which we're now broadcasting live."
Yet another box opened up on the screen, showing Lum with her back to the camera, wearing a tiger-striped business suit. Sitting across from her was a Xellos avatar with the standard costume fare, plus a large sword at his hip. He was also eating a soft-serve ice cream cone, which looked horribly out of place among the piles of sand, dark machinery, and the occasional giant crustacean guard.
"So what are you doing to bring a swift end to the war, Mr. Himitsu? Surely as one of the senior Brotherhood commanders you must have a plan."
The mazoku looked at Lum as if she was crazy.
"Why would I want to bring an end to the war? It's just getting interesting!"
Lum frowned. "Aren't you concerned about mounting Brotherhood casualties in the face of little to no tangible gain?"
"Nah."
Lum sweatdropped.
Himitsu rolled his eyes. "Oh, come on. Half the army is composed of dolls. What do we care if they're torn apart by the hundreds?"
"What about the other half?" Lum asked.
"Those guys demand wages. We WANT them dead."
Lum sighed. "At least tell me you have a plan for winning the war eventually."
"Of course I have a plan," Himitsu said condescendingly, before going back to eating his ice cream.
".................. Well?!" Lum finally shouted impatiently, not getting any answer from the mysterious priest.
"Well what?" Himitsu said in confusion.
"What's your plan?!" She said through clenched teeth.
"You want to know the details of my plan?"
"YES, PLEASE," Lum said, only slightly calmer than she was a moment ago.
Himitsu leaned forward closer to the Oni reporter. "My plan is..."
Lum leaned forward as well.
"A secret!" Himitsu said as he grinned, surprising absolutely no one.
Lum sweatdropped. "How can you run a war when you won't tell anyone your plans?"
"Practice!" The annoying mazoku said, wagging his finger at her as he finished off his ice scream. Then he stood up. "Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to have to cut this short. It's my turn to stop Stratagemini from casting Ice 9 and freezing the entire universe."
Ataru turned away from the display as it disappeared. "And there you have it! Next up: President Bush claims to have destroyed Wyoming for the good of the nation; approval rating nearing 100%! We'll be right back after a few words from our sponsor!"
by Cyber_Skaarj » Fri Apr 20, 2007 2:26 pm
Ranma frowned again and thought about that. "How to describe my life...?"
With a crash, a woman in a very skimpy uniform of some kind broke through the window and landed on the table.
@@@@@
Sailor Uranus groaned as she reoriented herself.
The Unseelie had attacked in full force today and even with all the Senshi present and fighting, they were getting their asses kicked.
Uranus sighed and hoped whatever allies Pluto had been talking about showed up soon. She crouched on the table where she'd landed for a moment before launching herself back at the Unseelie.
@@@@@
Ranma and Linn watched the woman wearing a white and dark blue fuku returned to battle, a sword of European design in her hand.
Ranma blinked. "Yeah, that pretty much sums it up," he asserted without looking back at his sister.
by Comartemis » Fri Apr 20, 2007 4:26 pm
"Haruka-poppa, 'trouble' is when the engine stalls or the wipers fail to engage. 'Trouble' does not cover the effects of ramming into the back of someone's Ferarri thirteen times."
"He was in my way," Haruka said darkly. "He was in my way and I had to get the dead body to the car crusher before those psychotic brothers did me in." Haruka smiled. That foolish Nephlite had learned his lesson well.
"This 'Grand Theft Auto' real-life simulation club of yours is getting a little out of hand I think," Hotaru said slowly.
"Feh. Michi told me I needed to get into some stress-relieving activities now that I can't work out my aggression beating up monsters and the like."
"Ahh, the price of peace," Hotaru said bemusedly.
<Cue the music that opened Sailormoon SuperS>
It is a dark, sylvan glade. Crystal trees chime softly under the mysterious moonlit sky. Hotaru finds herself standing by a lake in her pajamas, staring at a Pegasus which stands in the middle of the dark waters, calm and serene. She is captivated by its pearly white coat, its sublime grace and ethereal presence. The Pegasus snorts slightly, and inclines its head, beckoning her closer... ever closer.
Hotaru stretches her hand out tentatively... a slash. The glint of hard adamantium. A gusher of oxygenated blood. The severed head of Pegasus looking up in shock at the stern visage of Sailor Saturn.
"you... decapitated me..." the mythical beast's head spluttered, gasping.
"Stay out of my dreams, foul temptor of innocent youth," Saturn proclaimed darkly.
"Perish the thought," Hotaru said, changing in a flash to Sailor Saturn, her Silence Glaive's wickedly sharp curved edge pressing dangerously against Elio's throat, "or preferably... just perish."
Elios blanched.
"The Glaive cries out for the blood of the profane," Saturn said with a bit too much relish.
"What are we looking for?" Elios asked.
"Anything we can use to detect, view, or remove daimons," Hotaru muttered.
"Daimons?" Elios asked.
"Demons from a parallel universe my father has a nasty habit of using to make monsters with."
"Now I see where you get your charming persona," Elios said smoothly. The next moment he was gasping for air as a bolt shot though his back, and a crystal shaped object flew from his chest.
"Hmm," Hotaru said clinically, putting down Eudial's old pure-heart extracting buster rifle, "It seems like every joker out there has a pure heart these days."
Hotaru raised an eyebrow. "Would you like to examine him, papa?" she asked as sweetly as she could.
"Would I!?" her father asked with raw, childlike glee.
"Then, as a favor to your only child-- who, I might add, you did cause to get killed on no less than two separate occassions-- could you please point me to an instrument that will reveal the true nature of that Mamoru clone?"
"I can't," Tomoe said, "because of the agreement. But if while I'm taking horsey-boy here down to the dissection chamber, I should happen to leave you alone in the room with the Daimon Buster Ray located right there next to your LEFT hand... no, your other left-- well, that wouldn't be a violation, would it now, Hotaru-chan?"
Hotaru's eyes glistened with tears at the profound moment of sincere family bonding.
"I've been engaged to Mr. Celibacy Before Marriage over there since '97!" Usagi said, a certain desperation showing in her voice, "Nine long years! I have needs too, damn it!"
"Usagi-chan," Rei began, "I..."
"I NEED SEXUAL HEALING!" Usagi-chan yelled out as she pulled Rei on top of her and fell backward into the dining booth, pressing her lips to the stunned young woman.
by bissek » Fri Apr 20, 2007 5:11 pm
Shinji looked up to his mother, "She's—"
"She's not a clone of me," Usagi quickly blurted out. "Nope. No sir. I wouldn't clone myself. Nope. It's just an odd coincidence she looks a lot like me when I was younger. And I have not genetically programmed her to be an instrument to help me use Third Impact to create Crystal Tokyo and make Earth into a Utopia wherein I will be supreme ruler, and separate your father from the EVA-01 he's trapped in. Where did you get a crazy idea like that, Shinji?"
Shinji formed a sweatdrop. "I was just going to say she's so badly injured that maybe I should get into the Eva."
"Oh," Usagi thought about that for a moment. "Shinji, remember all that talk about Crystal Tokyo?"
"Yes."
"Forget I said that. I was just kidding. We're just here to stop the Youma—"
"They're Angels, not Youma." Ami corrected.
"That's what I said," Usagi insisted. "We're just here to stop the Angels and not take over the world. Really."
by KonokoHasano » Sat Apr 21, 2007 12:41 pm
“Well pops, I’m a super intelligent 16-year-old scientist/martial artist who has the appearance of a 13-year-old who has been on the road with an idiot of a father for 10 years. I gained a curse that turns me into a girl with a personality of the exact opposite of my own, a ‘foil of myself’ if you will. Then I spent most of my time in an Amazon village in said girl form until a certain father abducted me in the middle of the night in a bag and high-tailed it to the docks as fast as he could. I may not be mad, but I sure in the hell might be eccentric.” The glint that was on his glasses made Genma shiver.
by Comartemis » Sat Apr 21, 2007 2:10 pm
Here's a little quote from my fanfic 'Genius and Ditz: Two Sides of a Whole Chapter 3'.
"Die!" Pegasus launched into the air, gyred once and swooped towards
Saturn.
"Silence Glaive, SURPRISE!"
The ground under Saturn cracked and exploded, a crater forming everywhere
save the spot upon which she stood. A wave of energy lashed out from the
Silence Glaive smashing Pegasus in the side. Like a shot down jet fighter,
Pegasus veered out of control and landed in some far-off bushes.
Sensing someone approaching, Saturn quickly de-transformed.
"What's going on here?" The local police chief asked.
Hotaru looked at her surroundings-- a massive smoking crater, still issuing
forth wisps of residual energy. Thinking fast, she lied, "I think I saw Son
Goku come past a moment ago."
BEGIN HOTARU'S FLASHBACK - THE BEGINNING OF THE STARS SEASON
(From a baby's POV)
"Do you like the blossoms, Hotaru-chan?" Professor Tomoe asked.
"I have come for the child," came Setsuna's voice, booming imperiously from
somewhere behind him.
"Who are you?" Tomoe asked the woman he could not identify.
"You are not fit to raise such a child," Setsuna said darkly. "For you are
too mentally unstable."
"Are you from social services?" Tomoe asked. "I may have amnesia, but--"
With a THOK! Setsuna slammed Tomoe on the head with her Big Assed Key*
*the Time Staff
Professor Tomoe groaned for a moment, memories beginning to flood his mind.
His visage clouded for a moment, becoming obscured by shadow, his glasses
glinting in the light. He laughed maniacally.
"Now that we're all here," Setsuna said in a more business-like manner,
"you know that your daughter has the latent power of Saturn in her."
"I also know you tried to kill her," Professor Tomoe said in a somewhat
bemused tone.
"So did you," Setsuna parried.
Tomoe shrugged. "Technically I was trying to keep her alive. So the demon
possession thing went a little too far. But your point is?"
"My friends and I want to take care of her, raise her in a sheltered
environment, where it is unlikely her powers of destruction will re-
awaken."
"And if they should?" Tomoe asked.
"Then we'd 'take care' of her." Setsuna said darkly.
"I can't just give up my daughter," Tomoe protested.
"Do you really want to run the risk of her getting killed in an accident
again, or taken over by some pan-dimensional being of evil?"
"That won't happen," Tomoe said confidently. "I'm not going to do any more
research into parallel universes. Ever." The quietly chuckling mad
scientist raised his hand in a solemn gesture.
Setsuna raised her eyebrow. The lie was a transparent one.
Tomoe's face fell. He picked up Hotaru and handed her to Setsuna. "Here.
Just be sure and take good care of her. Because if you don't--" he began to
laugh diabolically.
END HOTARU'S FLASHBACK
"That's right," Setsuna said defiantly. "Keep your friends close and your
enemies closer, was what we had all decided that day. But wait... if you
knew all that, why did you stay with us--"
"Keep your friends close and your enemies closer," Hotaru echoed with dark
amusement. The two women eyed each other warily.
by KonokoHasano » Sat Apr 21, 2007 2:45 pm
“It’s better than all the weird and random stuff that seems to go on in that one town that’s always on the news. I think it was Dimmsdale or something. All I know is that we had a substitute teacher one day from there that had a humped back, bad skin, and hair. He also had an odd twitch and was always talking about Fairy Godparents. He also appeared to love to give ‘F’s to people.” He watched as the girl slapped her forehead.
“Now I know I’m not the crazy one. The WORLD is insane, an’ I’m just livin’ through the insanity.” A thought suddenly crossed her mind. ‘I wonder if Nabiki has been taken’ bets to see if and when I’ll ever snap…’
by Comartemis » Sat Apr 21, 2007 2:54 pm
Shameless plug? I'm afraid I really don't get it. Cyber_Skaarj said it would be interesting to put up, and so I decided to put it up.
>,> I can't help it if the only quotes I have at such short notice are from a fanfic of mine, this might not even be a good quote either... eep.
THE TSUKINO HOUSE
As Usagi and Chibiusa were still at the park busily fighting over the false
Mamoru, Hotaru found it relatively easy to sneak in. Making her way up to
the attic, which served as Chibiusa's room, she sought out her target.
Finally, after searching almost every corner, she found what she was
looking for-- a small bell.
"I can't believe I'm doing this," Hotaru muttered to herself. Holding the
bell, she slowly, embarassedly dropped to one knee. Clasping her hands in
front of her, she looked down and prayed, as sincerely as she could manage,
"please pegasus... protect everybody's dream..." She coughed, mustering up
the will, "--twinkle yell."
Nothing happened.
Hotaru fumed. So the benighted horse was making her work for it, eh?
"TWINKLE YELL!"
Suddenly the sound of a disconnected phone number could be heard. "We're
sorry, this bell is no longer in service. Please recheck the apparatus and
try your invocation again."
"Chibiusa," Hotaru said, arriving on the scene with the Daimon Buster Ray.
"You must listen to me. I think there's a daimon in that clone. This ray
will take it out... or something."
"I love you," the clone said yet again.
"Do we have to?" Chibiusa whined. "You never let me have any boyfriends."
"I love you," interjected the clone.
"Let's see," Hotaru said, pondering. "Your previous choices so far have
been a) your father, b) a horse, c) a monster who looks like your father.
You're not doing very well."
by Comartemis » Sat Apr 21, 2007 8:36 pm
by Atlan » Thu Apr 26, 2007 12:24 am
Videl grinned at him. “We’re going to do something that I know that I’m better at than you.”
Ranma raised an eyebrow at her. “What? Needlepoint?”
Videl gave him a cocky smirk. “Nope. The Great American Pastime.”
“Sitting on our tails and watching TV?”
“No, stupid. Baseball!”
by Questara » Thu Apr 26, 2007 11:49 am
Nabiki was deeply concerned about her lower lip. She was concerned about it because she was biting it. She had no choice about whether she bit it or not. The problem stemmed from her acute lack of self-control. She could not stop herself from listening to Genma and Nodoka Saotome. And, because she was listening to them, she dared not stop biting her lower lip. If she stopped biting her lower lip, she would make some kind of noise that would interrupt the conversation between Genma and Nodoka, and Nabiki positively, absolutely had to hear the end of that conversation without fail. She might die if she did not hear all of it. If, therefore, the price of life was her lower lip, Nabiki would pay it now and bitch about it later, but she was definitely going to hear the end of this conversation.
"But you saw him, Genma!"
"Yes, Nodoka, I did get a good look at her."
"You saw how handsome he was!"
"Yes, I did. She is a most attractive girl. Always has been. Half the boys at her school fought with each other and with her in the hopes of getting a date with her. All of that ended when our son arrived."
"You saw how incredibly manly he was!"
"Yes, I did, Nodoka, but that is the product of Jusenkyou. It's no diff..."
"He's a Don Juan with lavender hair!"
"Well, she doesn't look Iberian to me, but if you..."
"A boy like that could have grown women swooning at his feet!"
"Wait a minute, Nodoka. Are you sure you aren't just speaking for yourself here?"
"And if I am, how in the name of all that is sacred can you even dream of letting that boy come anywhere near our little girl!"
"Because it couldn't cross my mind and never has, Nodoka. We don't have a..."
"He'll seduce her!"
"Well, I suppose turnabout is fair play, but you have to understa..."
"Oh, Genma you horrid, despicable unfeeling beast! Do you have any idea what a boy like that could do to our child?"
"Er...well...You know, Nodoka, there are certain things that are best left..."
"I simply cannot believe that you would condone--Nay!--Encourage this...this...incubus to have his way with my baby!"
"Nodoka, look! You're making something of this that it ..."
Shing!
"Nodoka! You put that thing away this instant!"
"Oh, I fully I intend to sheath it soon--right up your ass!"
"Eeyaah! Be careful, Nodoka! You're going to hurt somebody with that damned thing!"
"Those are my intentions, Darling!"
"Give me that! Yeeowee!"
"He'll get her pregnant!"
"That's been the idea all along! I thought you wanted grandchildren!"
"Not that way, I don't!"
"Don't get me wrong, Nodoka. I have always expected a great deal from our son, but an immaculate conception isn't in the cards. He's not quite that much of a kami. He and Akane do have to..."
"Genmaaaa!"
by bissek » Thu Apr 26, 2007 7:21 pm
Genma was a sneak, a louse, a poor bargainer, greedy, self-absorbed, had a Wisdom score of 4, and had several personal habits so disgusting that they never appeared in either the manga or anime.
Yet it was also true that he had survived training under Happosai, that he had created two schools of martial arts, and could at least briefly hold his own against Ranma or Happosai. Unlike Soun who relied on the Demon Head technique with few exceptions.
So he was a greedy self absorbed twit, but he was a formidable self-absorbed twit.
"We have more than enough power to guard the system and the Princess," Uranus coldly informed the Royal. Ran didn't even use the ginzuishou or the magical powers that were his birthright, so how could she take him seriously? Besides - he was a guy. All talk, no action. Not that she wanted action.
"What will it take to prove to you that you need more than a short skirt and a mana-ball attack to make a credible defense?" Ran asked the Senshi.
Uranus scowled. Originally the Sailor fuku had had a longer skirt and hadn't bared the arms so much. She had complained to Serenity about the skirt and how trousers would be so much more practical. Or maybe spiked armor.
Serenity had responded to the complaint about the skirts and skimpy armor plating but shortening the skirts dramatically and removing the armor entirely. Serenity had been in a less-than-serene mood that day.
Reminding Uranus that she was the reason all the Senshi costumes were skating outfits was one way to irritate the heck out of her.
It was good to be wealthy.
Mikado Sanzennin rubbed a speck off the paint of his new sportscar. This baby was going to bring in the chicks, and he had his eye set on a very special target. She hung around with some bishonen type, but once she saw him with the new suit in this baby - she was gonna be his. Number 2000 coming up! He'd even gotten a special imported Italian leisure suit and matching pants for the occasion. Soon he would claim the lips of the violinist Michiru Kaioh!
Heck, maybe he'd even add her to the second list. Ah, it was hard work being the Japanese Casanova, but someone had to claim that title away from that Ten'ou person.
Hmmm? Where was that horrible music coming from? And why was it getting louder?
Mikado Sanzennin slowly turned. Ah, a panda was running around that corner and coming this way? Well, he was a martial artist - and maybe he could score some points with local girls by defending them from the bloodthirsty beast.
Whud!
Mikado Sanzennin went flying through the window of the "Hagoramo Baby Food Factory" to land in Vat #7.
Whang-crunch-crunch-crunch (This being the sound of a horribly expensive foreign sportscar being run over by a panda.)
Screech! This somehow being the sound of said panda making a high speed ninety degree turn and going down an alley.
"Damn," said Mikado as he limped back to his car, sardine paste dripping off of imported silk. "Who knew pandas could hit that hard? Ahhh, my car!"
As he heard the rumbling of an approaching crowd, Mikado had just enough time to look up and scream in horror before
(play soft elevator music here)
In order that we not offend any car enthusiasts in the audience, the painful blow-by-blow details of a fine European sportscar being reduced to the past tense have been censored.
We now return to the chase scene, still in progress.
Thank you. - the author
Mikado dropped the keys from nerveless fingers as one of the remaining wheels dropped off and started rolling downhill.
In another timeline, one of the few times that open combat escalated among the Senshi was during the wedding of Mamoru and Usagi. Specifically it was when Usagi threw the bridal bouquet. It was perhaps the only time Makoto had gotten hitten by a volleyball "rolling return" manuever, Minako had gotten a roundhouse blow delivered by someone as strong as Makoto, and Ami had gotten sidelined by both of them. The result had been Chibi-usa catching the bouquet and nearly a week of the various Senshi not talking to each other.
by Darth Thanatos » Thu Apr 26, 2007 8:04 pm
WarpWizard wrote:"And what are the odds of a super-tough non-scumbag being in this part of town at this time of night? NIL! BWA-HA-HA-HAAAA!! You'll have to soil yourself with some dirtbag, killing him in the process, thus ruining your sex-life forever! Or even worse, kill an innocent, not great choices, eh? How do you feel? Are you angry? Huh? Call me the Heir Kenshiro, call me the Heirrrrrr…*BA-BLONCH*" (A.N. Sorry, got carried away with FOTNS dialogue there…)
Cue Ranma… Our hapless hero happens to be walking home after being knocked way far by Akane. He is pissed, thus the walk as opposed to roof hopping. He just regained consciousness a little while ago, thus the lateness of the evening.
Spying a male figure, Makoto, the Senshi of Jupiter, ran like her life depended on it, which it did. Grabbing him by the arms, she felt him up frantically, `He seems fit enough…maybe…'
Makoto didn't slow down in her inspection as she spoke, "P-Pardon me sir, do you happen to be incredibly strong and tough?" Grope, grope. Fondle. `Hard arms, nice chest, great abs -`
Ranma was taken aback. His usual suitors were pretty forward, but this tall, oddly dressed (considering the time and place) girl was taking the violation of personal space to a whole new level. "Hey! Lay off with the hands lady!"
(the bold is mine)WarpWizard wrote:Big-time Lemon Warning! This is self-indulgent X-rated fantasy piece. Read at your own risk.
* * *
Pretext for this flimsy excuse to get Ranma to bed a sailor Senshi or two:
The/A Senshi is/are hit with a spell from a bad guy: if they don't get it on with a guy verrrry shortly, they'll rip themselves to pieces in a paroxysm of lust. The catch is that, (as the villain laughingly informs them), if they try to do it with a regular guy, their frenzied super strength will kill him, even as they orgasm. Sailor Moon is not present, as her magic would be able to dispel the bad guys enchantment. The villain is a new one, who goes in for psychological warfare.
Seriousness Level: 0
WarpWizard wrote:Flipping randomly through it, he could see from the headers that the large book was composed of excerpts from other books, among them, "The Manly Man's Guide to Appearing Sexually Sophisticated", "Purple-Headed Yogurt-Slinger: A Thousand Synonyms for the Male and Female Genitalia", "The Kama Sutra: Profusely Illustrated Edition", "Masaki Jurai's Guide to Male/Female Relations" and many more.
Personally I like this story as an amusing (and somewhat arousing) divertimento. Detailed and explicit sex scenes prevent me from quoting more, except this one:WarpWizard wrote:Ranma tried to say something, but Makoto overrode him, "You're the only one who can help me!" She eyed him for a moment, "You're really super-strong aren't you? I can tell. I - I need a guy like that to help me, `cause I'm super-strong too, and I think I'd accidentally hurt a regular guy, if we - you know, did it!"
"You don't want the death of a defender of love and justice on your conscience, do you?" she pleaded prettily.
Ranma considered. Not his forte, true, but it's something that he had to do once in a while. His gut was telling him that she was telling the truth, and he trusted his gut. Trusting your gut was a Saotome tradition in fact, for all sorts of things, chiefly when to eat, but it was also good for quick, vital decisions.
Another thing influencing his decision was that he noticed that the girl in the abbreviated fuku was literally gushing down her legs with sexual lubricant. He wasn't the most sexually experienced guy in the world either, but his nose told him that the girl was clearly desperate for sex, just like she said. At the same time she didn't seem to be slutty or a hooker, so her story, crazy as it sounded, could very well be true. Crazier things had happened to HIM, that's for sure! Nothing so sexual though, thank Kami.
Ranma nodded, face resolute, "All right, I believe you - mmmpphh!"
Makoto took this as the checkered flag - as in at the Indy 500. In a trice, her soft lips were locked with Ranma's and her tongue was questing hungrily for his.
Status of the fic: Incomplete. There are only four chapters. So if that bothers you, you have been warned.WarpWizard wrote:Dismissing the Tendo sisters from his thoughts, Ranma leapt to the sidewalk and walked for a moment, moving his head like a radar dish. The pedestrians, inured to insanely athletic people hopping hither and yon, ignored him as totally as he ignored them. He extended his newly sharpened Ki senses, hunting for the trail he wanted to find. *Needed* to find.
`What are the odds that they'll be out fighting tonight-`
He stopped, quivered. `Ah-ha!'
Blurring past pedestrians like a sports car among horse-drawn carriages, Ranma leapt to a rooftop, and then immediately to another, eating distance in huge bounds.
The red and black clad martial artist grinned as he heard the sound of an explosion.
`Jackpot!'
The exhilaration of speed and soon-to-be-quenched sensual hunger filled him as he made tracks towards the familiar sounds of battle.
`Sounds almost like me an' Ryouga mixing it up with Ki attacks.'
His cocky grin changed to a grimace as the out-of-control blaze in his lower chakra flared, inspiring him to new heights of speed.
`Makoto-chan *please* be there…'
Another pained smile crossed his face as a colorful group of figures, ringed around a dark-clad, caped one, came into sight.
Scanning, scanning- there! A green skirt!
Ranma dove.
* * *
"BWA-HA-HA-HAAAAA!!! Feel the wrath of my unmatched powers, Sailor Senchos!"
"That's *Sen-shi*, you sicko! Mars Firebird! Mars Dual Firebird!! Mars Triple Firebird with a cherry on top!!!"
The mysterious figure sucked up the hits of scorching flame without even pausing in his maniacal laugh. He opened his arms wide and yelled, "OH-HO-HO! That wasn't much of a warm-up, Mars-chan! Come to pappy! Lothario-BEAM!"
The other Senshi watched in horror as the fiery Pretty Soldier of the Red Planet was enveloped by a sparkling (rather kawaii actually) beam of light that shot from their opponent's chest.
The purpose of the Masked Hentai's posture was revealed as Rei staggered, clutched her head, then developed a sickly sweet smile and scampered towards his welcoming arms like a love-sick puppy.
"Darling!"
"Give me a big hug, Mars-chan! Your manly man is here for you!"
Minako, the sexy Sailor of Venus, covered her mouth with both hands. "Oh my god. Mars! Don't do it!"
A red and black blur streaked though the assembled Senshi, somehow acquiring Sailor Jupiter on the way, bounced off of the Masked Hentai's face and used the momentum to spring to a nearby rooftop and away.
An instant later, Sailor Moon cried out. "Jupiter-chan!"
Ami blinked, processing the young male voice lingering in the air. She could have sworn it had said, "SorryboutthisgottaborrowMakochanbye"
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