The NEW Fanfiction Quote Topic

[camk4evr]

"Dear Akane," she read aloud, too happy to care if anything personal
was being said. "Sorry I haven't written to you sooner, hope you're not
worried or nothing. As you probably know, things are pretty crazy here,
but I'm all right. So're Ryoga and Kuno and even Gosunkugi. Oh yeah, I
keep forgeting to mention it, but me and Ryoga got promoted to corporal-"
Gasps of happy surprise followed. Genma started bragging until Nodoka
shushed him.
Akane continued, "-but all it really means is we get less sleep than
everyone else 'cause we gotta look after them. Oh yeah, thanks for the
cookies you sent, they've been a real life saver! Miss you. Signed Ranma."
Akane closed her eyes and tried to imagine Ranma's happy surprise at
her box of cookies. Something had finally turned out right! Tears welled
at the corners of her eyes, tears of joy.

**Hey Saotome! Supplies didn't get through again!** she imagined
someone telling him out there. **Ranma looks at the soldier and smiles.
'Don't worry about me, I've got these cookies to see me through!'**


The shelling picked up the tempo, coming down like high-explosive
hail. Ranma, Ryoga, Tatewaki, and Hikaru sat in their enlarged hole.
Tatewaki and Hikaru's hole had taken a direct hit while they were in the
rear area picking up ammunition for the platoon, and now the four from
Furinkan shared a hole until it was safe to go out and dig out the old
one.
A particularly nasty shell landed close by, nearly knocking them
silly with the concussion. Several more followed around them. The dirt
was hard packed by now, and only little trickles of it fell from the
logs and sod roof they'd put over the forward half for cover and
camouflage.
"Hey Kuno, shelling's getting heavier. Go put some more of those
cookies on the roof," Ranma said casually. He'd grown used to the constant
thunder, could even sleep through it if it wasn't immediately close by.
"Why must I do it, Saotome?" Tatewaki protested imperiously.
"Because it's your turn this time," Ryoga informed him.
Tatewaki sighed. "Very well, though it seems a sin to despoil the
work of the beauteous Akane Tendo by such coarse and vulgar uses."
"Whatever keeps us from getting killed," Ranma said. "Those things
are harder than stone."
Tatewaki sighed again and dug into the box for a half dozen of the
things. They looked like ordinary sugar cookies, they even smelled
wonderful, but whatever Akane had done to them, they were now like armor
plate. He poked his head up long enough to arrange them with the rest in
as aesthetically pleasing way as time permitted.
As soon as he ducked back into the shelter of the hole, a lucky
shell hit the roof dead on.
The concussion was enormous, stealing the breath from their lungs
and knocking them silly. The only reason they had not been instantly
killed was that something had directed the tremendous force of the blast
up and away from the four soldiers huddled in the light of their tiny camp
stove. When they had recovered their senses, Ranma ventured a look up to
see how their shelter had fared.
As expected, the cookies were undamaged. They weren't scorched. They
weren't even warm.
"If only Akane knew how many times those things saved our necks,"

from J. Austin Wilde's Ranma Goes to War

[camk4evr]

These are from "As God is my Witness, I thought Turkeys Could Fly" by Sophia Prester

The problem was, he had already proposed to Usa-ko--sort of. Technically, he hadn't, but everyone knew that's what he was trying to do when everything went completely pear-shaped.

Galaxia couldn't have had worse timing if she'd planned it that way.

He'd meant for it to be a sweet, romantic proposal: he was going away for a whole year and Usa-ko was taking the parting hard. As for him, he wasn't ~quite~ ready to be engaged, but he figured that hey, a year should be plenty of time for him to get used to the whole idea. Bumping up the timing of the engagement wouldn't hurt him, and it would definitely help Usa-ko. It would give her something to hang onto while he was gone. He'd run through the whole scenario several times in his head, and each time he rehearsed the proposal, he'd been even more convinced that he was doing the right thing.

At first, everything had gone according to plan. Right before saying goodbye, he kissed her and slipped a ring onto the appropriate finger. He took a moment to compose his thoughts before speaking.

(So long, and by the way, here's an engagement ring so you don't get nervous and paranoid because I'm going to be gone for an entire year and no doubt accosted by beautiful American coeds.)

He'd never cheat on Usagi (at least, he had not been presented with anything close to sufficient temptation up to that point). He also knew that ~she~ knew that--most of the time. With any luck the presence of that ring on her finger would remind her that a) he loved her, b) he loved her enough to file tax returns with her for the rest of their natural lives, and c) that due to the fact that they were officially engaged, Makoto would gladly hunt him down and carve out his lungs with a melon-baller should he stray.

Finally, he gathered his courage and uttered the words:

"Usa-ko, will you..."

ZARK!

After that it was all over except for the evil laughter, an epic battle, and a convenient resurrection.

Needless to say, things were a bit more traumatic than romantic. Plus, there was that infernal "Usa-ko, will you..." just hanging in the air between them. The ring could have been just another random gift of jewelry.

"Usa-ko, will you water my plants while I'm gone?"

"Usa-ko, will you be too upset if I start dating every eligible girl I can find?"

"Usa-ko, will you duck into this supply closet with me for a quickie because I've got twenty minutes before I have to go to my gate?"

Not that he would have said anything along those lines (although item No. 3 was certainly lurking in the more primitive parts of his brain), but Usagi was not exactly a champion at 'fill in the blanks.'

She most likely ~assumed~ it was a proposal, but she didn't ~know~, and that was what was driving them both crazy.

It wasn't like they ~weren't~ going to get married. After all, it was pretty much foreordained.

As he hung the calendar back on the wall, he thought about that. Maybe that was the problem. He knew that he would be married, become king, have a child, be encased in ice for a bit, and live for thousands of years.

It was enough to drive even the most commitment-phobic male round the bend with despair.

"There's nothing to it!" she exclaimed. "What on earth could possibly go wrong?"

If an unusually prescient historian had been present in Makoto's kitchen just then, those words would have gone down in history alongside other phrases as "God Himself could not sink the Titanic," and "They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist-"

*Although Makoto wanted this meal to be as traditional as possible, she drew a firm line** at orange gelatin 'salad' with raisins and grated carrots.

**More like a trench, actually. With concertina wire and mines.

--Hmm, she forgot the machine gunners and the artilary fire

At around the same time Makoto had discovered her deficiency of ovens, Haruka was just sitting down to breakfast and a newspaper. The sound of Michiru's violin filtered into the dining room. The relaxed atmosphere was ruined, however, by the frantic sound of kitchen drawers and cabinets being opened and shut in frustration.

"Need any help, Setsuna?" Haruka asked. Setsuna was now rummaging through the pantry, and muttering darkly to herself.

"Don't we have any duct tape around here? I could have sworn I saw some the other day."

Haruka flipped to the next page of her newspaper. "It should be in my nightstand, if you need to borrow some," she called out.

"Thanks." Setsuna walked out of the kitchen, but two seconds later, poked her head back in.

"Haruka," she asked, "why do you keep the duct tape in your bedroom?"

Haruka made a valiant attempt to hide behind her newspaper.

"On second thought, don't answer that question. I think I'd be much better off not knowing," Setsuna said.

Post-Post Script: "Sailor Moon Says..."

SCENE OPENS on SAILOR MOON, SAILOR NEPTUNE, and SAILOR MERCURY sitting at the dining table used during the last scene.

SAILOR MOON: We've faced weird enemies in the past, but few have been quite as weird as Giblets.

FLASHBACK to the fight with GIBLETS and the moment when SAILOR NEPTUNE is hit with a barrage of gizzards.

SAILOR MOON (VOICE OVER): Besides being just plain disgusting, raw turkey parts can be ~very~ dangerous. Just ask Sailor Neptune!

MEDIUM SHOT of NEPTUNE, who smiles wanly and waves at the camera. Her face is unpleasantly pale.

MERCURY pulls down a roller-blind diagram of some single celled creatures.

MERCURY: Despite its tiny size, salmonella bacteria can be a formidable enemy. Just look at the havoc it can wreak in the human digestive tract.

A series of CLOSE-UPS of the HUMAN DIGESTIVE TRACT flash across the screen.

MERCURY (VOICE OVER): Fever, nausea, diarrhea, projectile vomiting, aches, pains, more vomiting, cold sweats, hot sweats, and a general feeling of wanting to curl up and die are all typical symptoms of acute salmonella poisoning.

REVERSE SHOT of NEPTUNE, whose face now coordinates rather nicely with her hair.

MERCURY: The most common means of exposure to this tiny yet powerful adversary is through unsafe food handling practices. Handling raw meat or eggs-- even in cases of hand-to-hand combat!--can be especially risky.

SAILOR MOON: So, remember! Sailor Moon says... *Always* wash your hands after battling raw poultry!

In the background, NEPTUNE dashes for the exit, knocking over her chair in the process.

FADE OUT over a series of unpleasant noises.



SAILOR MOON (VOICE OVER): Um, could someone get a bucket? And a mop?

[Tovath]

from smBL by sjiriki

“Foul magus of darkness you shall release the pig-tailed goddess to me and free the beauteous Akane from your control,” ordered Kuno.

“Uh you seem to have the wrong guy. I’m the dark mage and he’s the martial artist,” interrupted Sapphire.

[Neko-]

Tovath - Link is missing (i.e. where can the story be found)

[Lord Aries Greymon]

http://www.anifics.com/hosted/ladycosmo ... s/smbl.txt

Here's a guaranteed working one.

[Tovath]

Thanks Aries I actually have the story on my hard drive, so I couldn't give a link

[bissek]

From Again

“Booket? Is that even a word? You’re drunk.” The fox sighed. “I drunk not am!” Naruto shouted. “Idiot.”

“Who ya calling an idiot?” Naruto said, staggering. “You for getting drunk! And on a mission no less!”

“A mission/hic/?” Naruto said.

“Naruto, who are you talking to?” Sakura asked

“The fuzz ball fox that /hic/ lives in my head.” Naruto blinked a bit.

“Umm, right...” Sakura said. Not noticing Kakashi's eye widen in horror.

“Now he said that he was going to take control of my body inca /hic/ In-ca-/hic/-spick-u-us-ly... before I hurt myself! And others...” Naruto said, then staggered back a bit. Kakashi was silently freaking out. “He just called me a dumbass/hic/ but.../hic/ I am above him/hic/ I have opposable thumbs!” Naruto yelled at the top of his lungs giving thumbs up. The genin of team seven sweat dropped, while Kakashi face faulted.

‘Note to self... teach Naruto not to mock the big fox demon who wants to kill us all,’ Kakashi thought as he stood up.

Naruto’s eyes closed and when he reopened them his pupil had a small ring of red around it, though it went unnoticed to all but Kakashi. “W-well I'm g-going to have a l-little talk with Naruto about... the importance of underage drinking!” With that he took Naruto off into the nearby woods that were across the bridge.

“He does mean the importance of not drinking underage... right?” Sakura asked Sasuke, but saw he was already walking back to Tazuna.

[Neko-]

From 'I Do' by Innortal

“Langley and Aida.”

“That’s it, I’m jumping!” screamed Kensuke, leaping for the open window, only to be tackled by Shinji and Touji.

Touji held him by his shirt collar. “How dare you try and make your new wife a widow!”

“Let him jump,” mumbled Asuka. “See if I care.”

“Ms. Langley, death of your spouse will result in a failed grade.”

“WHY MUST I BE PUNISHED BECAUSE THE STOOGE CAN’T ACCEPT HE’S A FAILURE?”

Misato was standing there, arms crossed and with a scowl on her face. It was even more obvious how much trouble he was in when Penpen stood beside her, holding a lit cigarette and a blindfold.

Seeing that they weren’t focused on her, she looked over at her hot spring penguin, and quickly grabbed the cigarette from his flipper. “I didn’t tell you to light it!"

[CRBWildcat]

A few little segments from Griffinkhan's Epilogue:

"I must still be here," a sinister-sounding voice said from one of the darkened corners of the room. When the surprised group turned their heads, the figure leapt from the shadows and onto one of the few remaining lab desks, looking down upon them menacingly. His armor was purple, a gigantic cannon pointed over his right shoulder. A full helmet with a T-shaped slit for his eyes hid his expression. Obviously, this was one of the Mavericks.

"Vile!" X said, immediately arming his X-Buster.

"So good to see you, X. And you, Zero," the man now identified as Vile stated, sarcasm lining his voice like poison on a knife.

Without thinking, Bass quickly made a retort. "Hey, who’s the Boba Fett cosplayer?"

Vile’s head swiveled to the black robot. "A real jokester, this one," he snorted disdainfully. "I am Vile, one of Sigma’s top commanders. And I’m not here to talk. Get out of my way, or I’ll force you out of it!"

"What the hell do you think you’re doing, breaking into our headquarters?" Zero demanded, reaching to his back where a small cyndrilical object protruded from a box attached to his armor. He held it like a sword hilt and thumbed a small button. A blue-green shaft of light sprung from the handle. Rock's eyes widened as Zero twirled the energy sword experimentally, then sunk into a guard position.

The purple Maverick folded his arms contemptuously. "I'm merely following my orders. Sigma needs certain data to aid in his resurrection... which your pathetic Hunters have stored away. The security on this place was laughably easy to crack, and if that idiot there hadn't managed to sound the alarm before he tripped over his own feet and went offline, I'd be long gone by now."

Bass made a dismissive noise. "Hey, look who thinks he’s all that and a bag of chips."

"Damn right I am, fish-boy." Vile returned, pointing at him. His voice reflected a strange playful anger, as though he were eager to prove it.

The Wily-bot snorted. "At least I’m not dolled up like a science fiction character. Don’t you have a convention to be attending?"

And...

Roll opened her mouth to give him a piece of her mind, but their conversation was interrupted when a tall man shuffled into the room. His immensely long, blonde hair was pulled back in a messy ponytail, and he looked very haggard and irritated.

"Hey, Zero," X greeted him. Roll stared. "You don't look too happy this morning..."

"Your brother's damn dog kept me up all night," Zero said through gritted teeth, plopping wearily into a chair and running a hand through his tangled hair. "The stupid thing came into my room at like two in the morning and started growling at me, so I went to kick it out of the room, and of course it tried to bite me. And then, once I'd gotten it outside and shut the door, it figured out how to turn the doorknob!"

"Why didn't you just lock the door, then?" X asked.

"I did that next, and do you know what it did?" Zero seized a lock of his hair in frustration. "It picked the lock!"

X couldn't help but laugh at his friend's predicament. Zero buried his head in his hands. "S'not funny, X."

"On the contrary, I find it to be very amusing."

"Brother's dog? What are you talking about?" Roll asked, looking from one man to the other.

"You know, the stupid red thing," Zero said, waving his hand in the air. "Rush, or whatever its name is. I swear, it's like it thought I was gonna kill you all in your sleep or something, though at this rate, the only thing that's dying around here is it—hey, is that coffee?" He perked up, noticing the coffee maker buzzing on the countertop.

"You do know caffeine doesn't do anything for us, right?" said X, as the blonde man jumped to his feet and began searching the cupboards for a mug.

"It's the placebo effect, dammit," Zero replied cheerily, finding a mug with a bright floral pattern and beginning to fill it.

Roll stood there, gawking at the two. "What are you?" she said finally.

"We're incredibly advanced robots from about a century in the future," Zero said casually, now rooting through the refrigerator. "Got any milk...?"

[KonokoHasano]

From the Naruto fanfic Kazama and All chapter two.

Itachi released the Tsukiyomi after his three days in one second spar with Kisame. He began to feel the pain in his shoulder where Kisame took a chunk out of him. He placed his hand over the wound and did a minor healing jutsu.

“Don't bother troubling with it,” stated Kisame.

“What do you mean,” asked Itachi. The wound stayed the same. “Why isn't it healing! What have you done to me!”

“Quiet Itachi. My sword is famous for its chakra absorbing ability, but a less known feature is that it that if it tears anything, the wound can't heal with normal medjutsu.” Kisame informed Itachi as he tried to hold back his laughter of Itachi's panicking .

“What do you mean it can heal! I'm going to bleed to death bastard!” Itachi was constantly trying to heal his wound.

“No. Either you wait for it to heal normally, or you use cell reproduction in the area.” Kisame pointed out. 'Damn, without the tea, you feel less intelligent.'

“But I don't know anything like that! I'm going to bleed to death!” Itachi was doing everything he could to prevent himself from dying, except to place something over the wound.

----

At the very moment Itachi was franticizing My own word witch involves the word frantic over his wounded shoulder Sasuke was admiring his newly healed shoulder. “Now that my shoulder is healed I can move easier.” He frowned, “Damn I'm weak, Itachi wouldn't franticize over any wound.”

----

“I'm going to die! I don't want to die! What do I do!” Itachi flailed around oddly.

“Get some cloth and tie it over the tear maybe?” suggest Kisame.

Itachi blinked, “Oh.” Itachi ripped of a piece of his shirt and tied it over the wound. “Thanks.”

“Sigh, you do know that is why you wear that white bandage around you thigh right?” asked Kisame.

Itachi looked down at the white wrap around his thigh, “Oh, I thought that was for fashion.”

“Sigh, No.”

----

“Man, I'll never catch up to Itachi this way.” Sasuke wished he had a mirror so he could glare at himself. “Damn it, I don't have time to get depressed, I need to train!” Sasuke ran towards where the Uchiha clan was located.

Once he got to the estate he went straight to the Uchiha clan library to get scrolls to train. “If I work hard enough I could kill Itachi by the first Thursday of April, in another ten years!” He opened the Uchiha library doors to reveal massive amounts of scrolls. “Fire jutsu, fire jutsu. Ah! Fire jutsu for beginners.”

Sasuke unrolled the scroll and read, 'Hello Sasuke-chan, this is your brother writing. You will now be informed that I have taken all the Uchiha clan jutsu with me. If you could do Konoha a favor Sasuke-chan, and tell the Hokage to get the clans of Konoha so he can tell them to check their libraries and vaults. They might get a surprise.

P.S. Ask the Hokage to get you 'How Uchiha Itachi Became Who He Is' volume fourteen in order to find out more about the location of Sixty-six percent of all the scroll locations. Coming to you in the near future at bookstores near you!' Sasuke growled and went to inform the Hokage of what the scroll said.

----

Nara Shikaku stared at his son. “Shikamaru, it is time I give you the Nara clan's Pass-it-down-to-your-children scroll since you are my son. This scroll holds all of our most prized jutsu that your grandparents made for us.” Shikaku gestured to the big scroll on the coffee table. Shikamaru walked over and opened the scroll. “See how well written it is?”

“...Is the first jutsu supposed to be the 'Beautiful Rainbow technique',” asked Shikamaru.

In an instant Shikaku was next to his son reading the scroll. “Is that even a technique!?” Shikaku did the hand seals for the Beautiful Rainbow technique. “Beautiful Rainbow!” Nothing happened. “Ha I knew there was no such technique!”

“Come out here Shikaku, Shikamaru!” came the voice of the woman of the house from the garden.

The two males walked out into the garden. The woman continued, “Isn't that the most beautiful rainbow you've ever seen!”

Shikaku stared dumbly.

----

Sarutobi had finally finished his paperwork and had gotten the 'How Uchiha Itachi Became Who He Is' from his secretary who was on the second novel. The door opened revealing one of the only Uchiha left in the world. “Hello Sasuke, what is it?”

“I want you to read this letter I got from Itachi.” Sasuke handed the Hokage the scroll which the Hokage read quickly.

The Hokage's eyes widened as he press a button on a communicator. “Yayume, important news!”

“Yes Hokage-sama,” a voice crackled in the communicator.

“I have been informed that Itachi is going to publish his manga 'How Uchiha Itachi Became Who He Is'! Also he'll be publishing this year's issue soon!”

“Waaahhooo!” the voice crackled in the headset and was also heard from down stairs.

“Inform the Konoha Times immediately! Oh, and if you find the time, can you arrange a meeting with all the clan members with family jutsu please.”

“Yes sir!” the headset crackled and died.

Sasuke blinked, he was not expecting this outcome.

----

Down at the Publication Office Flying Foot ninja were as busy as they could be as numerous copies of 'How Uchiha Itachi Became Who He Is' were being shipped across the country as fast as they could. Villages between zero to two hundred kilometers away had already got it in stock, places like Konoha would get them in one day. Sand and Stone would get them in two days.

----

The soon-to-be-famous-author sighed in relief as less blood was spilling out of his shoulder. Itachi spotted a green blur coming his way. He stuck out his foot making the blur trip and fall. Itachi looked down and responded, “And what might make a Flying Foot ninja move so quickly, besides the normal?”

“I am sorry sir, but I need to get the new hit manga, 'How Uchiha Itachi Became Who He Is' to Konoha as quick as possible!” The Flying Foot ninja got to his feet.

“Oh, say hi to the Hokage for me,” Itachi yelled at the running blur. “Aren't those Flying Foot ninja so much fun.”

“I still think you got problems.”

“Yeah, well, let's go to the Publication Office.” Kisame sighed and followed the happy Itachi.

There the Hokage sat in a room full of clan heads ranging from the Hyuuga, to the Inuzuka. Interesting indeed. “What is it that you've called us here for Hokage-sama?” asked the Hyuuga clan head.

“You've all heard of Itachi's betrayal correct?” asked Sarutobi, ignoring Hiashi's question.

“Yes, but what does that have to do with us?” asked Tsume, the Inuzuka head.

“Well, it has come to my attention that Itachi may have, should I say, tampered with some of your clan jutsu.”

“Impossible,” Hiashi said calmly, “My guards were at full alert that night, he could not have possible tampered with them.

“Really?” Shikaku stood up. “It seems as he has tampered with my family scroll, and it was in the same room as me.”

“In what way did he tamper with it,” asked his Yamanaka friend.

“The jutsu are no longer the same. The first jutsu on the scroll is called the Beautiful Rainbow.”

“Beautiful Rainbow, I don't believe it!” barked Tsume.

“Watch.” Shikaku did the hand seals, “Beautiful Rainbow!” Everyone watched as a rainbow appeared in the Hokage Office's window. “See!”

“Damn right I see.”

Itachi scrambled around around looking for the beeping object. “There it is, so someone stopped the film.”

“What film?” asked Gaara.

“The film that played when the Hyuuga opened their scroll room door,” answered Itachi.

“And what might that film be showing,” Kisame questioned Itachi.

“A film with the Hyuuga's head taking a shower humming and dancing. Why?”

“Why did I choose to come with you,” Gaara mumbled.

Naruto was getting tired from the long run with the forced chakra controlling exercises. One of the worst things though was that Zabuza was making him carry around the over-sized sword. “Zabuza-sensei,” he whined, “I'm getting tired, can we take a break?”

“Once we get to the closest town,” answered Zabuza annoyed.

Naruto perked up, “And when's that?”

“Fifty Kilometers,” Zabuza smiled sadistically.

“NO-O!” cried Naruto, then he slipped on a branch with ice.

[KonokoHasano]

From Phantasmagoria of Dichromatic eyes. http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3576691/5/P ... matic_Eyes

Naruto made a pained expression. “I…spilled……ramen.”

“Augh, not again.” Tenten muttered before nudging the back of Naruto’s head. “Get over it.”

“You……seem to be fond of ramen.” Itachi, too, was very good at stating the obvious. Unfortunately, Naruto was no longer able to summon up his “ramen eyes,” for obvious reasons.

“YEAH! Ramen’s the BEST!!!”

Tenten slammed her head against the counter. “I want to go home……”

Itachi didn’t seem to mind Naruto’s rerun of his lengthy explanation on why ramen is the food of the gods. If anything, he’s a good listener, that Itachi. It also allowed Saya to quietly take Teuchi and his daughter aside to introduce herself and explain Naruto’s situation to them. She was surprised (and very pleased) by their reaction. Teuchi’s shock was such that you could actually see his eyes. Ayame was on the verge of tears. That’s when Saya figured out there are people in Konoha who actually like Naruto and care about his wellbeing. She decided she would look for more of these very special persons of Naruto’s early years.

“Ne, ne, Itachi, do you like ramen?” Naruto asked eagerly.

“……it is……acceptable.”

“Good! You like ramen! You know, for an Uchiha bastard, you’re kinda cool.”

“Thank you.”

Saya couldn’t help but notice Itachi didn’t mind Naruto calling his family a bunch of bastards.

“……but I still like Pocky better.”

Naruto frowned. “Pocky? What’s that?”

The three tomoe in Itachi’s crimson eyes swirled out of control, promptly freaking the shit out of Tenten. She had actually been impressed by the Uchiha’s looks so far, but, with those eyes, like, no way! While Tenten made an odd grimace, Itachi was almost hyperventilating.

“You……you don’t……you don’t know Pocky?” His voice was raspy, his hands were shaking and his tomoe were spinning so fast they looked like a single dark ring. Saya was amused to say the least.

At this rate he’ll awaken Mangekyo……ramen-induced Mangekyo Sharingan………what would Madara-kun think of that, I wonder?

When Naruto shook his head in response to Itachi’s question, the genius Uchiha moved. Saya reacting even faster than Itachi, moving in front of Naruto to protect him while Itachi reached into his leg holster, only to facefault when the young ANBU revealed his “weapon”: two sticks of the famous biscuit stick.

Giant Double Choco.

“Eat. Now.”

Itachi tapped Naruto’s left shoulder with the Pocky sticks, so that Naruto understood his offer and accepted it.

“Oi, Naruto! What will it be today?” Teuchi interrupted with his best friendly voice. He agreed with Saya: it was better if he acted normally in front of Naruto, even if he felt like beating the shit out of someone. Unfortunately, the old ramen cook had chosen the worst moment to make that question. The glare he got from Itachi almost made him wet his pants.

Itachi’s logic told him he had every reason to glare at the man. How could that old fool dare to interrupt him such an important moment!? He was introducing a poor, ignorant soul to the wonderful world of Pocky!

“Eat. NOW.” Itachi repeated, pronouncing each word very slowly. By this point, Tenten was wondering if all Uchihas were so……weird.

The damage was done, though. Naruto’s focus returned to his one true love. “Hmm……I had pork last time………so give me some beef this time!”

Ayame took the order; her father was still incapable of speech. Saya wondered if Itachi had added a Genjutsu to his glare. “Beef for Naruto! Everyone else?”

“Same……” Itachi growled.

“Miso ramen for me!” Saya made her order.

“Umm……would shrimp be okay to ask, Saya-sama-oww……Saya-san……?”

“One shrimp for the cute girl here!” That was Saya’s answer after yet another smack to Tenten’s head.

With the orders taken, Itachi could return to what was truly important. “Naruto-kun.”

“Uh? Ah! These!” Naruto quickly remembered the sticks still in his right hand.

“Eat.”

And eat Naruto did. “Um…hmm……hey……chocolate……hey……hey, this is pretty good!”

Itachi……smiled.

Saa clutched Tenten’s right shoulder with her left hand, while her right hand clutched her chest. “Oh my God, he smiles!!!” She hissed.

“Uh……Saya-san……it hurts……”

“Tenten-chan, don’t even blink. This is one of those once-in-a-lifetime experiences. The greatest prodigy of his generation, Uchiha Itachi, is talking about Pocky with Uzumaki Naruto. And he’s smiling!”

Sasuke frowned. Somehow that sentence didn’t sound right. Wasn’t his brother going to help him? Then again, Sasuke didn’t really want to be helped, but……

He turned to look at Itachi, only to feel two fingers poking his forehead. Itachi had something remotely resembling a gentle smile on his face.

“There. Now you will focus.”

Sasuke frowned and raised an eyebrow. “……..how?” His voice was barely above a whisper.

“You just will.” Itachi declared. At Sasuke’s obvious expression of disbelief, Itachi frowned a little. “You lack faith.”

“No, I’m just annoyed. You can be really annoying at times, nii-san.”

Itachi actually tilted his head a bit to his right.

“……Naruto-kun says I’m cool.”

Sasuke grimaced. “And your point is…?”

“He says I’m badass.”

The younger Uchiha slapped his forehead. “Nii-san, Naruto thinks orange is the best color. ORANGE!!!”

“……he likes Pocky.”

Sasuke rolled his eyes. “So that’s how it is……”

For a while, Sasuke envied Naruto’s……awkward friendship with his older brother. The feeling didn’t last long. He didn’t want his relationship with Itaci to be like that. It was just weird.

“He says I’m cool. And badass. I’m made of win and awesome.” Itachi added with that quiet, nigh-emotionless tone of his. He might as well be reciting the weather forecast.

“Nii-san, you’ve been around Naruto way too long.”

He decided to ignore the fact that he had spent a lot more time around Naruto than his older brother.

“I think Naruto-kun speaks the truth.”

“I think you’re both a bunch of lunatics.” Sasuke mused jokingly. If this was his brother’s awkward way to fool around, Sasuke would indulge him.

“We should invite Naruto-kun to come over for a visit.”

“I……don’t think Father would approve of that.”

Itachi nodded. “True……a shame, though. I believe Mother would approve of him.”

“Mother would cuddle him until those whisker marks of his came off.” Sasuke growled. Her mother was just so damn……motherly.

“We could have lots of food, like ramen……”

Sasuke groaned.

“……and Pocky. Yes, Pocky and ramen.”

“I think I’ll pass.”

“That is unacceptable……on the other side, more Pocky for me……”

Sasuke shot an odd look at his brother. It was impossible to tell whether Itachi was being serious or just being plain crazy.

“It’s official: Naruto has infected you.”

For some reason, Sasuke had a mental image of Itachi and Naruto wearing pots on their heads and banging them with large spoons with lunatic looks on their faces.

“I do not feel unwell, though.”

Sasuke sighed. “Could you please leave me alone?” He had never imagined himself refusing his brother’s company. There’s certainly a first time for everything.

“We could celebrate Hina-nagashi together.”

“Hina-nagashi is a girls’ festival!!!”

Which means Naruto will spend it with Hinata and Hanabi, of course.

“We could use Henge…….”

“NII-SAN!!!”

“You look angry. That is not healthy for a child your age-”

“OUT. NOW.”

Itachi pouted (Oh, for Kami’s sake, did he just pout) and walked a few steps backwards, opening the door that led outside of Sasuke’s room.

“………Itachi is a good boy.”

“OKAY, THAT’S IT, GET OUT OF HERE!!!!”

Sasuke fumed for a moment while Itachi disappeared behind the closed door. After that, his expression relaxed.

Nii-san…………everything is okay……right?

[Neko-]

More quotes from 'I Do'... still by Innortal

Shinji ran like the devil himself...um, herself, was after him.

Finally, his lungs gave out, and he collapsed to the floor of the vent, breathing in as fast as he could, desperate to get his muscles working. He had to run, had to keep away, had to find out why Asuka was so determined to have her way with him.

Then he stopped, he recognized what was going on: he was in a horror movie!

So, he went over the rules to survive a horror movie.

The first rule was a virgin always survives.

SHIT!

Unfortunately, Shinji was not even close to being a virgin anymore.

Now, he knew that was a bad thing. The teachers at school were right: sex kills.

As he heard a noise behind him, he made certain to stare forward. In the movies, if they looked behind them, they would see nothing, and then turn forward to be hit by the killer.

Gulping loudly, he threw the toilet paper roll behind him and slowly moved forward. As long as I don’t look behind me, I’ll live.

Unfortunately, he forgot the other rules. One of these states that the killer also likes to attack from behind a corner. “GOTCHA!”

“AHH!”

and...

Shinji saw his life flash before his eyes, cursing the actor they had portraying him in it—the guy just wasn’t believable; when he felt a hand on his shoulder. He turned to see Kensuke standing beside him.

“Go towards the light, young man. Go towards the light.”

As Rei stood up, Shinji was more willing to go towards the exit, the window, or whatever would kill him quickly. Never a fucking Angel around when you really need them!

and...

Ritsuko shook her head. “That was devious, dangerous, and truly evil, Rei.” She raised her cup towards the girl. “I am so proud of you; I wish you were my daughter.”

“Thank you, Dr. Akagi.”

[Neko-]

Went back and re-read some stuff randomly from my archives... Ran across this little gem... Too bad it's only 3 chapters and was last updated in 2004 or something. Doubt it'll ever get finished:

Bob Lobsters 'Hell Hath No Fury'. SailorMoon meets Ranma... How fitting for this Forum

Find it at http://www.fanfiction.net/s/1036032/1/ or at http://www.geocities.com/ranikkoku/myfics.html

Turning back towards her friend, she wasn't surprised to see Venus running quickly towards the boy on the fence while yelling out a line that the people of Nerima were very used to hearing.

"Ranma Saotome, Prepare to Die!!"

And a threat-level assessment of Ranma:

"Wh...what have you seen him do?" Ami asked, shaken despite her best efforts at the thought of a boy who could very well end up their enemy being strong enough for his friends to think that defeating a god wasn't a stretch. The thought of fighting someone that strong sent her stomach into knots and she really hoped that Minako could sort out her differences with him without involving the rest of them. Not that she truly believed the god story, but after watching him fight and easily defeat the most experienced of them as if she were a rank amateur, it didn't seem like such a big stretch of the imagination.

"Oh, just little things mostly." Hiroshi began, allowing them to relax slightly, internally smirking at how much fun it was to play with outsiders, before continuing in as innocent a tone as he could manage. "You know, like jumping two or three stories."

"Or throwing around boulders the size of small cars." Daisuke threw in.

"Or creating tornado's out of nowhere."

"Or when he fought that giant eight-headed dragon."

"And that giant minotaur thing that shows up from time to time. You remember, Dai, the one with the wings."

"And tentacles, he picked up tentacles."

"Oh, yeah, he did, didn't he. Then there's those energy blasts he and Ryoga throw around all the time. Those are pretty cool."

"Yeah, I like those. Especially when Ryoga made a thirty-foot crater with one. That was awesome."

By now Ami's head was absolutely spinning. She glanced over at her friends to see what they thought and felt a bit sorry for Usagi. She obviously believed everything the two were telling them since she'd gone pale, probably thinking about what he could do to Minako. Makoto had a look of interest on her face, mixed liberally with a bit of awe and a good deal of disbelief, while Rei looked like she was ready to laugh out loud at the ridiculousness of the boys' claims. That thought was immediately confirmed when she did laugh out loud, disrupting the two's thoughts as they argued over something to do with chestnuts, before addressing them.

[Scooter]

From Mirani's blending of Ranma 1/2, Harry Potter, and various other anime and TV shows and movies Hikari no Daija: The Serpent of Light, Chapter 4

Chapter 3 – Week of Weirdness

-----

Most of the students in the classroom looked bored or irritated, as if being there was a waste of time. A scant handful, including most of the Americans and Japanese students, were intently watching the tousel-haired man fiddling with a small device on his desk, every so often taking a look at a small pocket watch. Ranko watched the manipulation of the device with a bit of confusion, but assumed there was a point to it, so waited with some small amount of patience.

Finally after looking at his watch, the man stood, nodding. “About time, then,” he said with an American accent. “Alright everyone. I'm Angus MacGyver, and this is beginner's Technomancy. Now, Technomancy is as much a science as an art. And surprisingly, one of the ways that 'Danes actually have the edge over us.”

“'Danes?” someone asked with a hint of scepticism from the back.

“Yes, Mundanes. The American term for those who do not access magic directly. You call them Muggles. Rather odd term, if you ask me, but hey.” The man shrugged, and a few students actually looked offended at the concept of Muggles having an edge over wizards. “Now, can any of you tell me what Technomancy is?”

Sakura raised a hand, and as Angus pointed to her, she stated, “Technomancy is the melding of technology and magic.”

“Simple answer, but correct, for what you have. Now why would you want to meld magic and tech?” the professor asked.

Mitzi raised her hand, and said, “Well, there's two good reason I can think of. Efficiency and concealment. Technomancy can save you your own personal energies or amplify them. You can also use them pass magical effects off as technological effects to those less aware Mundanes.”

Angus nodded with a smile. “Exactly. Very good. Now can any of you name a famous Technomancer? From any era.”

Danny grinned and called out, “Samuel Colt.”

“Interesting choice. Anyone else?” the professor asked.

Hermione hesitantly raised her hand and said, “If I recall right, Thomas Edison?”

“Very good choice, Ms. Granger. Anyone?”

Ranko paused, then raised a hand. “I think I heard somewhere that a guy named Fumori Taisei had done some work with...” she paused as she tried to translate the technical term she had picked up somewhere.

“Magic Polarization Cells, a way to isolate a small room of outside magic in order to simplify magic research,” Professor MacGyver said, a bit startled. “Very good, Ms. Shidou. That was rather recent. Been reading TechnoWeekly?”

Ranko blushed in embarassment. “I uh... read it on the train.”

“I see. Well, on that note, can anyone tell me what you've noticed?”

Nobody spoke for a moment, before Neville raised a hand. “They're American and Japanese?” he said, almost immediately looking as if he was going to regret saying it.

Several people laughed, but MacGyver nodded. “Exactly. The American magical heritage is rather recent, and except for some regions, rather open to new ideas. The spirit that led toward the 'Danes' 'Industrial Revolution' also helped inspire a Magical Revolution as well, in which people were willing to experiment with concepts nobody else was either willing or able to think of. And the Japanese were very hidebound up until after World War II, when both the technological and magical research took off with the rebuilding effort.”

“Now our first practical lesson will be an interesting one, and one of the things that inspired the Technomantic boom, actually. Improvisational repair, also known in various places and fields as the Jury Rig, or sometimes pejoritively called kludge, is just what it seems. It's the act of putting something together with whatever you have available at the time.”

Most of the students weren't able to do much. Ranko managed to repair an old metal detector which blew up after being tested on a coin, only to receive the professor's approval, with the comment, “You must have just flipped a capacitor by mistake. Not bad though.”

Hermione's project, a radio, picked up a lot of static, but seemed to work. The biggest surprise, however, was Neville's project.

Angus grinned. “Nice job... it looks like you have the knack, Mr. Longbottom. You could go to any nuclear power plant and get this control rod mechanism working as a backup in any of them. Very good.” Most of the class looked confused, though the Americans and one or two of the mundane-born were shocked at the presence of nuclear control rods in the professor's stash.

[KonokoHasano]

From The Dichotomy of Namikaze Naruto

Naruto walked up to the chair as he always did, sitting himself down for another lesson in anatomy…or chemistry…or biology…or whatever Kyuubi deemed prudent to teach him. Kyuubi was simply sitting there reading her own book before she gave Naruto a grin and shut the book with an audible clap.

“So, how did it go?” Naruto gave her a slightly exasperated grin and made himself comfortable before he sighed.

“Well…I’m in an ‘arranged friendship’ with Hinata now…Hiashi wants me to marry her when I get older…apparently I’ll have a seat on the council if I do.” Naruto watched as Kyuubi’s expression went from stark blank to almost angry.

“Who is this ‘Hinata’? Why would marrying her get you a seat on the council?” Naruto just sighed. He supposed he would have to relay the whole story.

So he did.

By the end, Kyuubi was giving him an expression that Naruto couldn’t quite read. He wasn’t exactly sure what that expression meant, but it was obvious that Kyuubi was perturbed about something. “Is there something wrong with any of that?”

Kyuubi seemed to start for a moment before an obviously fake grin marred her features. “No, nothing at all! I’m glad…just concerned is all.” Kyuubi’s expression changed to one of pensive concern and Naruto waited for her to elaborate.

After a few moments, Kyuubi looked at him with one of the most serious gazes she had ever fixed him with. “If I get this straight…if you’re married to someone before you become an adult, you gain a seat on the council, correct?” Naruto simply nodded. He still had to have a sponsor, but that was taken care of through Hiashi.

Kyuubi just looked away for a moment with a positively sad look, which Naruto wanted to comment on before Kyuubi perked up and waved him off. “Maa…we can worry about that later. For now, I have something new I want to teach you…” She walked to the ‘bookcase’ and took a new book off the shelf before tossing it to Naruto. The title was, “The Chemistry of Explosives”.

Naruto just grinned.