The NEW Fanfiction Quote Topic

[bissek]

From Jedi Knight Uzumaki Naruto:

Naruto was about to say something else when Tenten spoke again. "Besides there's no better feeling than the one you get when a kunai knife just, slices its way into an enemy ninja's flesh."

Naruto raised a single eyebrow in puzzlement to what he heard. "Huh?"

Tenten's smile turned to him, one that was strangely innocent, but extremely...creepy... "Yeah." She sighed as she took out a kunai. "These babies are the best, light, easy to throw, they can cut through tendons, muscle, cartilage and even bones. I remember I once saw the marrow leaking out through one of the injuries. Ahh" Her smile took on a dreamy like state as she sighed apparently remembering something...interesting from her past.

Naruto could only think two things. The first is that her and the pieces of cutlery should get a room, and the second was that Gai's team was entirely consistent of freaks...it didn't matter if they wore green spandex or not. They were all crazy.

[Atlan]

This one is from an X-men: Evolution fic, Protective Pearant
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/1926329/10/ ... ive_Parent

A little back story so this makes more sense. Pitor, aka Colosus, can turn his skin into 'organic iron'. In Evolution, most of his scenes involve him carrying boxes around Magento's base.

“Ah, welcome Piotr. I trust you are well?”
“Yes.”

“Good. Sit, sit. The other boys will be joining us in a moment.” Piotr and Wanda sat down, each casting a wary glance at Magneto.

They made pleasant conversation for a short time which was interrupted by the appearance of the rest of the house, all carrying boxes.

“Where’d you want these?” Lance asked.

“Just set them down in here and join us. Dinner is getting cold.”

The boxes were piled in the corner of the room, directly in Piotr’s line of sight. The Russian went completely rigid. His eyes burned.

Wanda did not notice his reaction.

Magneto did.

Dinner proceeded smoothly enough with Piotr contributing very little to the conversation. His lack of comments had become noticeable, which was something considering he rarely talked. It was about half way through the dinner that his anguish became noticeable.

“NO! I will not do it!” Piotr shouted at the top of his lungs. Everyone looked at the Russian. Half of his face was normal, the other half had transformed into his metallic Colossus state.

The metal half of his face responded. “You know you want to.”

“I will not.”

“But they ask for it. Listen to them. They call for us.”

“I must resist.”

“But the boxes need to be moved. Without us, they sit there, in pain.”

“They are not real. And neither are you!”

“Not real? I’ll show you not real!” Piotr’s left hand, which was now metal, slapped his face.

“How dare you?” The right hand slapped the metallic side of his face.

“You strike me? Submit or face the consequences, Piotr! Move the boxes!”

“I will not submit to you, Colossus! I am my own person.”

“You belong to me!” The metal fist struck Piotr in the face, knocking him backwards out of his chair.

“Tonight we end this!”

“Agreed!” Both hands ripped off his suit and shirt to reveal that the entire left half of his body had gone metal. Fists reigned down upon himself, landing blow after blow.

“Father, stop him!”

“I’ve always wanted dinner and a show.”

Meanwhile, Piotr’s right hand had caught his left. “Let go of me Piotr!”

“Never Colossus! I shall defeat you!”

“You weak fool. You belong to me!”

“No, you belong to me!” The hands unclasped and crossed to deliver backhanded punches to his face. The blows landed simultaneously. Piotr’s face crunched up and a few teeth were sent flying. His eyes rolled up into his head and he collapsed on the floor, unconscious.

[Comartemis]

It's the battle of the century! It's SAOTOME RANMA vs SON GOKU in Lathis' Dark Titans Chapter 16!

Ranma watched nervously as Goku slowly floated to the ground, a strangely non-threatening smile on the Saiyan's lips. As soon as the planet smashing alien touched down, he dropped back into a loose fighting stance, raising his fists up before him.

“Well, I guess we better get this over with. Can't have you running around doing whatever it was you were planning on doing,” stated the alien in a most amiable manner.

Hmm, he sure didn't sound like a blood thirsty monster. It was strangely reminiscent of when he had faced down Ryouga back in the States, when the boy's memories had been altered. It was like he was actually talking to Goku, and Goku thought he was the bad guy. Unfortunately, considering how Brushogun had just made the guy out of street sweepings, the odds of actually snapping the guy out of it seemed pretty slim.

So, an alternative plan began to form in his mind.

Goku shifted his stance, pulling his right fist back and preparing to lash out. Just as the impossibly powerful Saiyan was about to lash out-

“Wait!” Ranma shouted at the top of his lungs, “I have to ask you a question!”

Just as he'd hoped, the alien fighter actually stopped, in mid-step. Goku looked at him, confused for a moment, before straightening up and casually running a hand through his spiky locks.

“Umm, sure, I guess. What do you want to know?”

Ranma nearly let out an explosive sigh of relief that that had actually worked, but swallowed it at the last second. Thankfully, Goku was just as trusting as he was in the manga . . . now to see if he was just as naive. Of course, there was just one question he had to ask first . . . just for the set up . . . really. He vainly tried to hide his smile.

“Is my power level . . . over nine thousand?” He nearly choked on his own laughter as he shouted his question to the heavens.

Goku just looked at him for a moment, the expression on the Saiyan's face just screaming 'Is this guy completely nuts?'. A second later, Goku shook his head in confusion.

“What? No! Not even close, why would you even ask that?”

The pigtailed warrior snapped a pair of imaginary fingers in his mind. That would have been pretty awesome.

“Oh . . . well, ya know, I was just curi - Oh my God! Chi sucking Androids” Ranma suddenly shouted out the warning, pointing dramatically behind his opponent. 'Man, that wouldn't even work on Ryouga,' he thought to himself, even as he shouted out the desperate gambit.

“What? Where?” barked his latest companion, spinning around quickly to check for himself.

He didn't even take the time to smirk, as he ran forward and leapt into the air. The pigtailed warrior spun around three times in mid-air, before lashing out with the most powerful spinning jump kick he could muster. His limb crashed into the back of Goku's head with enough force to cave in a reinforced concrete military bunker . . .

A second later, he was back on the ground, hopping on one foot and clutching his throbbing shin nearly to his chest. Damn! He was pretty sure he hadn't shattered it, but . . . but just damn! As far as hurting like heck to hit, Goku was as far beyond Mecha-Boi, as Mecha-Boi was beyond Ryouga . . . was beyond a normal human!

Slowly, Goku turned back to face him, absently rubbing a hand to the back of his head, more than likely fixing his hair than tending a wound. There was actually a slightly hurt look on the alien's face as he stared back at him.

“Heeey,” Goku nearly whined, “You fight dirty.”

Yeah, well not everyone had world shattering ki blasts to toss around, oh so sorry about that . . . Jackass. Ranma gingerly lowered his stinging leg back to the ground and shrugged his shoulders.

“Can't blame a guy for tryin . . . can ya?”

[Atlan]

Mysterious Background Music:

:Go Go Bible Rangers, Mighty Praying Bible Rangers!:

"Form Mecha Jesus!" shouted the Turquoise Bible Ranger."That creature
is a work of Satan and must be destroyed!"

"Praise Mecha Jesus! Divine Left Leg of Smiting is go!" proclaimed
the Marroon Bible Ranger.

"May Mecha Jesus guide us in the cleansing light of his death rays!
Right Leg of Holy Wrath ready!" The Purple Bible Ranger turned on her
stereo and started listening to Christian rock. The external speakers
broadcast the horrible sound to the evil robot and made it scream in
pain.

"Lick the balls of Mecha Jesus, um, oh shit, forget I said that! God
is good, yeah, God is good, that's what I meant to say! Left Arm of
Supreme Ass Kicking powered up." Reformed Crackhead Bob, also known as
the Magenta Bible Ranger said.

"The Word of Mecha Jesus is law! Right Arm of Gay Bashing fully
Operational!" said the Rust Bible Ranger.

"And I'll form the head!" Shouted the Beige Bible Ranger.

Then they said in use,"Mecha Jesus is go!!!"

From Can it Get Any Worse? By DarkPhoenix
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/375518/5/Ca ... _Any_Worse

[EdenB]

"I am become death... destroyer of worlds... oh... look... delicious pie..."

Ranma blinked, and then, he blinked again. She's dreaming about pie and the apocalypse. Right, okay then... moving on...

From Chapter 8 of Awkward Consequences

[Atlan]

We're home!" Makoto shouted as she ushered Shinji into the house.

Hearing the door open, a small animal made its way to the entryway.

"That's Pen-Pen," Makoto said as her pet came into view. "He's a special moon penguin."

"He's a bit furry."

"It helps to keep him warm."

"He has four legs."

"It's not like penguins can fly. His wings were useless anyway."

"And the tuxedo?"

"A problem with his coloring. He wouldn't be a penguin if he wasn't black and white."

"What about the pointed ears on the top of his head?"

"The better to hear you with, my dear."

"Of course. And the yellow bill?"

"What about it?"

"Not much. It's just plastic and is attached to his face by a rubber band."

"A horrible accident with a razor and a runaway zit."

"I see. You do realize THAT'S A CAT DRESSED UP LIKE A PENGUIN!!!" Shinji finally snapped.

Makoto was unaffected. "His grandfather was a cat, you know. Strong family resemblance is all that it is. He really is a penguin."

'Pen-Pen' sighed. "Hey, Mako, we'd better tell him the truth. He's not buying the disguise."

Shinji nodded his head in understanding. "Oh, he's a talking cat. Now it makes sense." Of course it didn't really make the least bit of sense, but his mind was ready to go bye-bye now, and it didn't particularly feel like dealing with talking cat/penguins.

"All right," Makoto finally relented. "His name is Artemis, and he is really a moon cat, not a moon penguin. He's hiding out here to avoid his former owner, Minako 'I carry more sperm in me than a boatload of horny sailors' Aino."

"How come?" Shinji asked Artemis, afraid of the answer while knowing deep down inside that he would never know sleep again unless he found out, no matter how twisted and sick the answer was probably going to be.

"I was tired of being used as a sex toy."

Oh, it was way worse than Shinji could have possibly imagined.

"All the time it was 'lick me here, Artemis. Lick me there, Artemis.' I swear I lost over half the feeling in my tongue from all of that licking," the moon cat snarled.

"Okay, I think you've done your work well. I'm now permanently traumatized," Shinji said, really wanting to run away.

It was too late. Artemis was in full rant mode. " Orgies, orgies, orgies. And there was 'Hamsters are your friends, Artemis. Let them do that to you.' And then of course there was 'go ahead and let that nice man play with you. It'll be fun.' Artemis cringed. "The things that guy, Osca-"

Ami turned her attention to Shinji. "Besides, if you think that's bad, you should have seen where they originally put the entry plug on the Evas. It ended up right there." Ami gave a hard smack to Usagi's buttcheeks.

Shinji stared at Ami through half-lidded eyes. "You mean it was-"

"-called the 'Butt Plug' system," Makoto confirmed. "But the idea was quickly scrapped after there was an emergency ejection and no one would go near the plug."

"That the entry plugs were painted brown didn't help things either," Ami murmured.

From Sailor Eva
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/211582/2/SailorEva
By DB Sommer

EDIT:
Here's another one I found. This is from Out Of Your Mind
http://www.ranmafics.com/OoM/index.html

Ranma brought her legs out before her close to the outstretched hands. "No
trouble at all."

Now Lydia was suspicious. "Thanks, I gue-' Lydia's thought was derailed as
Ranma stretched both her arms and legs back, while arching her back. "You
bitch..."

Ranma stopped mid-stretch and blinked at Lydia. "What?"

"You lazy fucking Bitch," Lydia shouted at Ranma.

Quickly, Ranma sat up and stared at Lydia with confusion and a bit of
nervousness. "What did I do?"

Lydia jabbed a accusing finger at Ranma. "That's the same fucking move you
pulled on me last night! You turned stretching into a fucking kata!"

[Atlan]

Holy double post, Batman!

These are from Na, Na, Na, Na, Batwoman!
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3636283/1/N ... a_Batwoman

“You filthy criminals,” Batman called over, “What are you going to do to us?”

“I’m glad you asked, Bat-dope!” the Joker laughed. “When the sun reaches just the right spot in the sky, it will shoot a beam of light through that magnifying glass, burning that rope there,” he said as he pointed to a thin rope keeping the catapult’s triggering mechanism from going off, “Which will then cause this catapult to launch you three ninnies head first into that brick wall in front of you. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!”

“Oh no!” Batgirl cried out.

“Oh, but it’s not just any brick wall,” the Joker continued. “Oh no; it’s an exploding brick wall! Wah, ha, ha, ha! That’s right, the minute your bodies collide face first into the wall, it’ll unnecessarily detonate and bow your already dead carcasses up to Hades! Ah, ha, ha, ha!”

Stop right there!” a woman’s voice yelled out angrily. Everyone turned to see a woman swinging from a rope land on the roof. She wore a skin-tight black costume with a red bat insignia on her chest. Her gloves and high-heeled boots were red, as was the inside lining of her black cape. Red hair flowed down from behind her black mask.

“Holy plot contrivance, Batman!” Robin blurted out.

“Who are you?” the Joker demanded.

“I’m Batwoman,” the newcomer announced, “And you’re finished, Joker!”

“We’ll see about that, missy. Get her!” the Joker ordered. All four henchmen rushed the attractive hero as the 60s Batman fight music began to play in the background. Crook number two was the first to reach her, missing with a fist as she ducked and landed a heavy blow to his jaw.

“POW!”

As crooks number one and four ran at her, she pulled a small rod from her utility belt. Pushing a button, it extended to a staff she used to clothesline both criminals.

“BIFFO!”

Crook number three managed to grab her from behind. Batwoman immediately brought the heel of her boot down on his foot.

“CRUNCH!”

As Crook number one let her go and began hoping around on one foot clutching onto the other in agony, Batwoman knocked him out with a roundhouse kick to the face.

“A WHOMP BOP-A-LOO-BOP!”

Seeing that he was losing, the Joker himself tried to attack. Batwoman blocked the punch easily as she quickly delivered a well-placed kick to an extremely sensitive area of the male anatomy.

“AAAAARGH!”

“Holy high notes, Batman,” Robin cringed.

Now that the danger’s past,” Batman said as he smiled warmly at the new hero, “Allow me to thank you personally,” he said as he offered his hand. Batwoman took his hand and shook it firmly. She then shook Robin’s hand, smiling as he blushed cutely under her gaze.

When she got to Batgirl, however, instead of shaking it she held it firmly in her own as she leaned forward. “You’re Batgirl, aren’t you?” she asked, trying to make small talk.

“Um…” Batgirl raised her eyebrow, trying to figure out why the taller woman was still holding her hand.

“Batgirl,” Batwoman said in a low, sultry voice, “Has anyone ever told you that you have beautiful eyes? You do, you know…”

“Psst. Hey, Batman,” Robin whispered out of the corner of his mouth. “What the heck’s going on? Why’s Batwoman acting weird all of a sudden around Batgirl?”

“Isn’t it obvious?” Batman whispered back. Robin looked inquisitively back at the two women, and at the way Batwoman was leering at the younger Batgirl.

Finally, it dawned on him; “Holy Sappho, Batman!”

“Precisely, old chum! It seems this new caped crusader against crime is into girls! Hmmm… I’m getting a funny feeling right around my utility belt, Robin…”

“Holy too much information, Batman,”

With that she turned to leave. As she brushed past Batgirl to leap from the rooftop, the younger girl gave a yelp and clutched her rear in shock.

“She… She pinched my bottom,” Batgirl cried out incredulously, “I’ve just been goosed by Batwoman!”

“Holy sexual harassment, Batman!”

“I don’t know,” Gordon said, “And to be perfectly honest, I also don’t know that I’m comfortable having your help in this matter, Batwoman.”

“What do you mean?” Batwoman asked, raising an eyebrow as she crossed her arms, “Why don’t you feel comfortable?”

“Well,” Commissioner Gordon said as he avoided eye contact with the young woman, “It’s not that I don’t appreciate the offer young lady, but… Well dash it all, this is the sixties! And I’ve heard some rather risqué rumors about you Batwoman, and…”

“Commissioner Gordon,” Batwoman said in a low tone as she tried to keep her temper in check, “Before you go any further, I’d reconsider bringing up my sexuality if I were you. Because if you do decide to make my lesbianism an issue, soon you’ll be forced to deal with other hot-button issues such as civil rights, the women’s movement and Viet Nam War protestors. And quite frankly I don’t think sixties America, let alone Gotham, is ready for that yet.”

“Yes. God, this is so hard to say… Look, I don’t think this is going to work out between us.”

“You don’t?” the Question asked. “Why Kate?”

“Well,” Batwoman began, “For starters, ever since you’ve become the new Question, you’ve developed this incredibly annoying habit of answering every question I ask with a question of your own. Then there’s the way that every time I try to have a conversation with you, whether it’s about this case we’re working on now or it’s about my wants and needs, I end up coming away more confused than I was when I started! And…” she looked around to make sure there were no eavesdroppers before coming still closer and lowering her voice. “And our love life has been suffering too. Do you have any idea how difficult it is to be intimate with someone who has no mouth?”

“Holy grand larceny!” Robin growled out angrily, “Those fiends not only kidnapped Miss Gordon, but then they yanked out the family jewels!”

“Aye, that they did, Caped Crusader,” Chief O’Hara put in. “And nabbing Rod Johnson’s Family Jewels must’ve been a hard job to pull off.”

“Quite,” Batwoman agreed, “Far too hard for a normal crook to pull off.”

“Gosh,” Robin said as he got into the Batmobile on the passenger side, “Both Batgirl and Barbara Gordon disappearing at the same time. What are the chances?”

“Yes, old chum,” Batman said as he sat behind the wheel, “Strange indeed… Much like how Bat-Granny disappeared right around that time Aunt Harriet broke her hip. But there’s no time to dwell on such bizarre coincidences, Robin. Commissioner Gordon’s daughter is in the clutches of that Felonious Feline and that egg obsessed madman! Let’s go, we haven’t a moment to lose!”

If I can… just… reach… my Batwoman utility belt…” Batwoman groaned as she continued to tug against the restraints, “Nnngh! No good; the ropes are too tight. Miss Gordon,” she said anxiously at she looked down at her fellow captive, “Is there any way you can possibly try to pull against the ropes enough to get yourself up closer to me?”

“I’ll try,” Barbara said as she tugged with all her might against her bonds. Meanwhile the grinding gears of the catnip shredder continued to grow louder as the two inched closer and closer to their demise. Finally, after a few seconds, she looked back up at the hero, “This is as far as I can get,” she said after managing to get herself almost half a foot up the ramp, “Is this any good?”

“It’s perfect!” Batwoman said triumphantly, “Now listen carefully; to the right of my buckle is a compartment where I keep my Batarangs. You’re going to have to try to open it and pull one out with your teeth.”

Barbara raised her eyebrow at that one. “What?” she asked incredulously.

“No time to argue Miss Gordon,” Batwoman said in an almost pleading tone, “Hurry, we only have a few seconds left.”

Barbara turned to see the utility belt next to her head. Unfortunately the action of the head turn, combined with the motion of the conveyer belt, caused several locks of her hair to fall over her eyes. “Darn it, I can barely see…” she grumbled under her breath just before going towards Batwoman teeth first.

“Niyaaa!”

“Batwoman!” Barbara cried out as she looked up to see the crime fighter’s eyes nearly bulging out of her mask and her jaw hanging slack, “Batwoman, what happened? Did I get the wrong spot?”

“N… No,” Batwoman managed to gasp out in a higher than normal voice, “Actually, you hit the perfect spot! But unfortunately you totally missed my utility belt.”

[bissek]

Quotes from two totally unrelated fics that are even funnier when taken together:

From A Fistful of Omake

As soon as the boy had turned his back, the panda uprooted a sign and clobbered the youth from behind.

The crowd was just beginning to mutter when a new element was introduced to the scene.

"Pandas may be an endangered species but that doesn't excuse attacking innocent boys!" A girl with a really ridiculous hairstyle and a cheerleader costume declared.

"Attacking hunks is something best left to teenage girls," declared a similarly clad girl with a red bow in her hair. On seeing her team-mates stare at her she blinked. "What?"

Followed by this unique interpretation of Oroike no Jutsu in Tales of the FoxCat

Ranma simply blinked while Naruto smiled, nudging his friend. “Okay! Last time was wrong! More slender! More beautiful!”

Ranma Saotome winced as the boy powered up again and popped, revealing another hideously malformed female. He looked over to his new friend, who had a perturbed expression on his face now. “What was it you were trying to teach him again?”

Naruto considered Ranma with an apologetic look, then snapped back to the boy. “Wrong! Again!” the blond stepped forward and adopted his own stance. “Like this!”

Ranma smiled as Naruto powered up. If the other kid’s transformation was any indication, this was going to be amus—

“TRANSFORM!”

The smoke cleared and Ranma’s eyes widened in horror. “ACK! Stay back Minako! BACK!”

[KonokoHasano]

From chapter 10 of Phantasmagoria of Dichromatic Eyes. http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3576691/10/ ... matic_Eyes

Sarutobi dismissed Shiki’s sentence by waving his hand in annoyance. He had absolutely no interest in Shiki’s knowledge (or lack of) of other doujutsu in that moment.

“And Naruto, four months ago……”

“Yes.” Shiki growled, and a spike of killing intent from behind told them Saya was thinking some very nasty thoughts aimed at Uchiha Itachi in that moment.

“I see………a few things do make sense now, I guess.”

While Shiki and Saya had sworn to protect the secret of Konoha’s doujutsu, he couldn’t deny the Hokage the chance to read the scroll. A terrible crime had taken place in his village. Keeping the scroll to themselves would have made the Houraisan Itachi’s accomplices. And the last thing they wanted was to help the intellectual author of the attack that resulted in Naruto’s near-death and the permanent loss of his eyes.

Sarutobi buried his head in his hands and shook it. Was it just him but all the royally fucked up people lived in his village? He knew he was being unfair; he was sure a good deal of crazy shit happened in the other Hidden Villages (especially Kiri and Kumo), but……damn!

“Let me get this straight.” Saya suddenly interrupted the two. “The Uchiha Clan intended to use Naruto for some sort of selective breeding shit that would create Super Uchiha Babies of Doom?”

“Despite the……flavorful choice of words……yes, that’s basically it.” Shiki responded. “At least that’s what Itachi says here. They would have purposely weakened the seal to allow more of the Nine-Tails chakra to infuse Naruto, hoping some of that would be imprinted in his offspring to study its potential effect on the Sharingan. An amazingly stupid plan if you ask me. Stupid, but understandable.” Shiki nodded. Saya rolled her eyes.

“Sounds like something Danzou would do.”

Sarutobi could swear he heard a very faint voice from below screaming “SUPER BABIES OF DOOM!!!!!” He shook his head dismissing the thought.

“Things didn’t change much. People still hated me for no reason. But the old man took me out to walk around the village with him and showed me all these many different things. I met old man Teuchi and Ayame-neechan, and I found ramen! I wasn’t locked in that boring……gray, yeah, that gray orphanage anymore! I was miserable, but I was free!”

Naruto’s face contorted into an unsettling mask of anger and repressed frustration.

“And then some crazy bastard comes and carves my eyes out with a fucking kunai! And he leaves me to die!”

He slammed a foot on the low bed and leaned closer, as if daring Sasuke to look anywhere but at Naruto’s face. Sasuke wouldn’t have looked away even if someone showed up and said last night was just a very bad practical joke.

“So don’t you dare……don’t you fucking DARE say I don’t know how it feels to lose everything, because that night, that god-damned night, I thought your bastard of a brother had taken from me everything I think a person can lose.”

Sasuke blinked. Hinata gasped. They got the idea. “Y-You mean……”

“Yes, idiot. He manipulated the guy into doing this shit to me. He should just have done it himself: kill me and just put an end to my misery, but looking at you I guess that’s just not his style.”

Hinata blinked. Who would have thought she’d actually put someone else on top of “the entire Council of Elders” in her little black book of “People I Want to Kill”?

“Want me to let you in on a secret, bastard? Being blind sucks. BADLY. Try blindfolding yourself one of these days and see how long before you just rip the fold off your face. I give you three minutes.”

“Seeing nothing but black……not fun. Not fun at all. Isn’t it ridiculous that I have no idea how the person I hate the most right now looks like? I’ll never forget Itachi-nii-san’s face because I never saw it on the first place! Shiki-sensei has to wrack his brains out to figure out ways to teach me things without using books and blackboards like normal teachers. I cannot even look at his face and see if he knows how much it means to me that he actually makes the effort to teach me. I cannot see the face of the woman who hugs me and makes me feel like I have a mother! Damn it, Sasuke, I don’t even know how you look like! I’m sure I probably saw you in some place or another before I got blind, but………fuck, I want to know!!!”

Naruto’s voice was cracking at this point. If he could, he would have cried. Like Sasuke, he wouldn’t have given a damn about been seen.

“I want to know how you look like! And Hina-chan!!! And Saya-neechan, and Shiki-sensei, and Hiashi!!! I want to see Hana-chan’s face when she laughs!!! I want to know how my own room looks like!!! My house!!! Saya-neechan’s flowers!!! Hina-chan’s place!!! Heck, I want to know Itachi-nii-san’s face, too!!!”

Naruto took several deep breaths, dropping and raising his eyelids every second of so. He needed to calm himself down.

“………but I can’t. And it hurts. Don’t talk like you’re the only one who has suffered, you damn moron. Our lives suck, Sasuke………our lives suck………so fucking what?”

“Guess what, I’ll let you in on another secret: life fucking goes on. I’m not dead. Neither are you. And a third secret: things can actually get better. Believe it. Four months later and I have a place to call home, two awesome teachers, cool jutsu, a cute and nice friend…”

Hinata went beet red, of course.

“……a cute and fun little friend and a duck-butt bastard who wants to get all emo. Oh, and these super-badass clothes. Which are NOT girly!”

Hinata almost giggled. She could tell that Naruto’s initial anger had subsided. Now he was just lecturing someone who desperately needed a lecture.

“You’re supposed to be a genius, so think, damn it! I can just see it: you, looking out the window like a stupid old geezer thinking that your life is over or something……something worse, something even MORE stupid, like going after Itachi-nii-san for revenge or something stupid like that.”

Sasuke stiffened, and the other two noticed. Naruto had just read his mind. And……

“……Itachi-nii-san?”

“Yep, Itachi-nii-san. Oh, I am so going after him, don’t think I’m not, and you’re free to come if you want, but no revenge involved, no way. And we’re not going any time soon: I don’t want my ass kicked thank you very much. But I’m going after him, one day, I swear! I told you, he has a lot of questions to answer, and then I’ll see if I forgive him.”

Sasuke and Hinata gaped. Forgive? He could still think of forgiving Itachi?

“Oh, I’ll make him apologize, even if I have to kick his ass. And he’ll have to give me one hell of a good excuse for all this crazy shit he’s pulled off……and a LOT of ramen. Yeah, ramen. No! Pocky AND ramen. Yep, that’s good. Damn, I’m so smart.”

Sasuke shuddered. He was having a flashback.

“Anyway, I’ll deal with your brother. One day. When I become more awesome than him. Same goes to you. If you want to know why he killed all your folks, then train! Become strong, so that you can make him answer! You have time and, damn it, you have talent! You’re the genius Uchiha with the neat swirly eyes! You’re probably kicking ass at the Academy already! I can’t go to the Academy yet because I don’t have eyes!!! Seriously, it’s so not funny it’s funny.”

“You know? Whatever. I said way more than I had to. Just……man, you’re bad enough as it is, you don’t want to get worse. Seriously. Now that I know what the whole ‘emo’ thing is all about, I’ve got to thank Saya-neechan for stopping me right on time. Really, you are so pathetic right now. I don’t like pathetic people. Hina-chan knows.”

Hinata caught the indirect. “Don’t you ever dare act like that too again, Hina-chan!”

I have no intention to, Naruto-kun.

After claiming back his mediums, storing them in a pocket and covering his hollowed-out eye sockets with the bandana, he retraced back his steps to the door for the second time. “The old Sasuke was cool. A ramen-hating prick, but a cool prick. If the old Sasuke ever wants to play……or train……he knows where I live.”

With that said, he abruptly opened the door the left room, not even bothering to close it behind him (probably expecting Hinata to follow him). The other two looked at the empty doorframe in silence for a few seconds until Hinata figured out it was time for her to depart as well. However, she wouldn’t leave without a few words.

“U-Uchiha-kun.”

His expression as he turned to look at her seemed more tired than anything else. Well, at least he’s not scowling.

“Your………your mother is alive.”

Sasuke’s pupils contracted and his body felt surprisingly heavy on the bed. “Mom……?”

“She is alive, but she is badly hurt. So, if you cannot be strong for yourself, or for Naruto-kun, please be strong for her. She needs you. Family……family should support each other.”

Hinata bit her lip. Her own family had so much to learn…….

“Sorry to bother you this afternoon. Please be well.”

She, too, disappeared behind the door, but at least she bothered to close it, leaving Sasuke alone with a maelstrom of thoughts and feelings.

[Neko-]

That's not a quote... Thats half a chapter I suppose

'I Do' by Innortal

Gendo was slowly going insane thanks to the latest DVD the Technician Doe had placed in the player.

Thanks to Hamtaro, soon, all hamsters would feel his wrath.

Shinji slowly turned around, seeing Asuka standing in the doorway, blocking his only route of escape, and wearing a large housecoat. A locking chain sound was all he needed to hear to tell him that PenPen had abandoned him to his fate. FUCKING PENGUIN!

'Ace Ventura - Suddenly Seeking Panda' by Burgerbecky

Ace was impatient, hungry, tired and worried about the expiration date of his luggage. Besides, he was in dire need of deodorant. "Out with it my good man! I haven't got all day!

"Well, I regret to inform you that your luggage attacked the baggage handlers and the Sailor Senshi were called in to put down the things that emerged. So, sorry." He bowed down in apology.

"Sailor Sentries? You mean to tell me that you called in the Navy to process my luggage? Why, I'm honored that you'd have your military specially care for my things. Now, please take me, a large French dinner, two tickets to a football game, a large bag of cat litter, and my luggage to my hotel." Ace began to march down the hall with a sense of direction would make Ryoga proud.

[Atlan]

This is from Top Of The Line, a Star Trek Voyger fic
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3372699/1/Top_of_the_Line

Alright, to begin with, can you make her a him? I’m not gay, you know.”

“What?” The Borg Queen asked before saying, “Oh, come now, surely you have thought about it.”

“Thought about it?” B’Elanna asked. “Sure, who hasn’t? I mean, every time I’m having sex I’m imagining it’s a woman. That’s normal, isn’t it? So what if I can’t get off unless I think that tongue belongs to a woman, that doesn’t mean anything, right?”

“Of course not,” The Queen said in complete understanding which was driven by the fact that she was the perfect sales person. “So what if you only sleep with women, or the fact that just thinking about touching a man’s... you know... makes you want to puke. Doesn’t mean a thing. Everyone in the universe knows; as long as you don’t say it yourself, you aren’t gay. You only turn gay when you say ‘I’m gay...’ um, that was only an example, I didn’t say that and meant it of course.”

EDIT:
Here's another one, from the Battletech section of ff.net
A little background: The battle of Tukayyid was the last stand of the Inner Sphere against the clan invasion. If the clans won, they would have the planet Earth. If they lost, they would declare a 10 year truce. The battle was a hard one, but it was won by the Inner Sphere, as the clans overextended themselves...

S/Col Brandon Howell: By Kerensky, the ComStar demons fight with no honour! We have received orders to withdraw from Dinju Pass; we shall have to fight a rearguard action. This is what we shall do. I shall lead Command Star in to bolster Star Captain Kotare’s Elementals; my PPC-armed Mechs will scatter them. As the attack is going in, Star Captain Osis will pull back his troops in an orderly withdrawal, covered by Star Captain Wimmer.

S/Cpt Nicholas Wimmer: Aff.

S/Cpt Donald Osis: Aff.

S/Col Brandon Howell: Star Captain Osis, you can give me a number crunch quick, quiaff?

S/Cpt Donald Osis: Aff, Star Colonel…my battle-computer is coming up with, uh, 32.33, uh, repeating, of course…32.33 percentage of survival.

S/Col Brandon Howell: Aff. Great Kerensky…well, it is better than we usually handle, quiaff, Star Captain Kotare?

(garbled)

S/Col Brandon Howell: Star Captain Kotare?

Star Captain Franklin Kotare: Alright, surf’s up. Let’s charge ‘em…LEEEEEEEEEEROY…KEEEEERENSKY!

from Leeroy Kerensky: How Tukayyid was Lost http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3482494/1/L ... d_Was_Lost

[Comartemis]

From chapter 11 of Key Through the Heart by Andrew Joshua Talon

“Well, I’ll leave it up to you,” Kakashi shrugged, tossing them the papers, which they each caught effortlessly. “No other missions for today, I’ll see you next week if you decide to sign up!”

And with that, the silver-haired jounin vanished. Naruto grinned.

“Allright, day off! Sakura-chan, want to go do something?”

“Heck no! Um, Sasuke-kun?”

“No,” Sasuke replied shortly, walking off. Naruto sighed and shrugged.

“Oh well, can’t win ‘em all…”

Naruto heard something behind him, and stiffened. He swung around, Keyblade pointed at his foe…

Which happened to be a box, painted to look like a rock. He sighed.

“Konohamaru, rocks aren’t square…”

BOOM! The box erupted into smoke, leaving three coughing eight-year olds before him.

“As expected of my rival!” Konohamaru grinned, revealing the gap in his teeth, as he shot up dramatically. “Prepare for trouble!”

“And make it, er… Triple!” A little girl added in.

“To protect the world from devastation!” A glasses-wearing boy sniffled.

“And unite all peoples within our nation!” Konohamaru declared.

“To fight for the virtues of truth and love!” The girl sang.

“To extend our reach to the stars above!” The other boy wheezed again.

“Moegi!” The girl struck a pose.

“Udon!” The glasses-wearing boy mirrored her.

“Konohamaru!” The leader declared.

“Konohamaru Corps, blast off at the speed of light!” They all shouted. “Surrender now or prepare to fight!”

“…” Was Sakura and Naruto’s reaction, blinking. Konohamaru grinned.

“What do you think of it?”

“I’m still trying to figure out what it is,” Sakura muttered, as Naruto laughed sheepishly.

“Er, Konohamaru… Guys… How did you come up with that… Whatever it was?”

“Television!” They chorused. Naruto and Sakura sweatdropped.

“Knew that thing only caused trouble,” Naruto muttered.

[Tovath]

From the Kingdom Comes By Shadoe Fox
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/740943/13/The_Kingdom_Comes_Again

“Okay everyone, if you’ll take a seat?” When everyone had found a spot, he nodded. “Now, who does the Tuxedo wearing gentlemen outside belongs to? Is he with the martial artists, or the Senshi?”

Usagi raised her hand, while Rei cursed the luck. “How’d you spot him?” The fiery Senshi of Mars demanded.

“He wears a tuxedo and sits on a roof, and you want to know how I spotted him? This is Nerima! I’m shocked he hasn’t gotten a flyer for a movie yet!”

[Tuisto]

I just find this very funny.

Taking another look at the display with Elvis, Ranma muttered, "Great. I'm dealing with a brain damaged Elvis worshiper."

from Ranmachan; Genie of the Ring! chap 23. [/quote]

[CRBWildcat]

From Nehszriah's Slayers fic, "Guts, Glory and Glove Oil":

“What in the world is that man doing?” Naga whispered, leaning forward so that she could look down and see the field easier. Ramon, curious, joined her. AirJay, Kiko and Nehszriah even paused their fight to investigate.

“Jeezum crowe,” Nehszriah gasped, her face turning red. “I knew he was mental, but this is ridiculous.”

“For all you folks out there listening to the unorthodoxy of this broadcast, it seems as if the Slayers manager, Xellos Metallium, is doing the Chicken Dance on top of the dugout. Lord only knows why, but he is,” Naga said in a nonchalant manner.

“This guy is crazier than you told me he was,” Ramon said with surprise. He looked over at AirJay, who clearly seemed unimpressed.

“He’s a dork,” AirJay said, rubbing his temples. “Ignore him.”

“Auf, uf, au.” What a creep.

“You said it Kiko,” Nehszriah sighed. “You said it.”