The NEW Fanfiction Quote Topic

[KonokoHasano]

From chapter 15 of Naruto Fuujinroku
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3576691/15/ ... Fuujinroku

Uchiha Sasuke was in a bad mood. Being “comforted after a heart-breaking separation” wasn’t his idea of a calm, peaceful afternoon after the successful completion of his Academy education.

After getting rid of the creepy fangirls (the Yamanaka girl had nibbled at the back of his neck when he was distracted!), Sasuke deliberately took his time to return home. He needed the time to plan possible ways to assassinate Houraisan Uzumaki Naruto. He was pondering the fun factor of arsenic when he arrived. His musings didn’t distract him from the unusual music erupting from within the walls of his home.

Music.

Music was being played in his house. That wasn’t normal. It was traditional music, the sort of thing you hear in festivals. Sasuke frowned. Had Naruto already turned his last haven of peace upside down?

Gritting his teeth, Sasuke prepared himself for whatever was to come. He walked in.

“I’m home.” He announced himself as he took off his shoes. The sound of his voice was drowned by the particularly loud music; he was sure his words had remained unheard. Common sense told him the music would guide him to Naruto and/or his mother, so he followed his ears.

The dining table and chairs had been moved to a corner to open a relatively wide expanse of space.

Sasuke stared. And stared. And kept staring.

“Mother.”

No response. Playful strings reverberated from a rather old (but very loud) radio Sasuke was sure he had never seen before.

“Mom.”

He remained ignored. He was still staring, not even aware of the twitch developing above his right eye.

“Mom.”

His presence was finally acknowledged. “Welcome home, Sasuke. Naruto-kun here has already given me the good news.”

“Naruto is a good boy.” The blond declared. He said nothing more. His entire mindset was a-hundred-percent focused on the task at hand…or, more precisely, at feet.

Sasuke shot a deadly glare at the blond. “Mom.”

“Yes?” Mikoto hadn’t interrupted what she was doing.

“You are dancing.”

“Yes, that accurately describes what I’m doing right now.”

“With Naruto.”

“Well, dancing alone is nowhere near as entertaining.”

“You are dancing with Naruto.”

“Yes, you already said that.” Mikoto’s perennial smile disappeared for a moment. “Do you feel unwell, Sasuke dear?”

Sasuke closed his eyes and tried to find his center. He failed.

Maybe, if I concentrate reaaaaaaally hard, the world will explode. Or my head. Whatever.

“You are dancing with Naruto.”

“Yes, dear. You are awfully repetitive today, Sasuke-kun. Something happened?”

Sasuke growled. “Why don’t you ask ‘Naruto-kun’?”

Feeling Mikoto’s eyes on him, Naruto responded. “Everything I did, I did on Sasuke’s best interests.”

“I see.” Mikoto smiled gently at her dancing partner. “Sasuke, dear, you would be grateful for having a friend like Naruto-kun.”

“A friend like no other.” Naruto added with a sagely voice. Mikoto caressed his hair affectionately.

Sasuke felt like burying his face in his hands. Ah, I see…… His mind roamed. So this is why you let us live, right, nii-san? So that my mother and your ramen-and-Pocky-addicted friend could drive me insane. Everything is so clear now.

“For the love of all Gods, please tell me there’s a good reason for this scene unfolding in front of me.”

“You mean the dancing?” Mikoto tilted her head.

“Yes, mother.” Sasuke replied flatly. “The dancing.”

“Well……” Her pupils drifted upwards as she picked her words. The dancing stopped. “……Naruto-kun and I were talking about this and that and it eventually lead to me asking him whether he knew how to dance or not. Apparently his mother’s demanding education did not include music and arts.”

“I can play the piano.” Naruto declared proudly.

“Really? How wonderful!”

Naruto beamed. Sasuke groaned.

“Anyway.” Mikoto continued. “I decided to fill the gap in Naruto-kun’s education.” She looked back at Naruto. “Let’s start again. Right foot, okay?”

“Okay!”

“Okay, at one, two, three.” And the dancing resumed.

Sasuke, meanwhile, digested his mother’s words.

Well, that does make sense, but……

“You’ve never taught me how to dance……” Sasuke mumbled. Regrettably, it wasn’t quietly enough not to be noticed by the dancing couple.

“Oh……” Mikoto smiled. There was something just wrong about that smile. Sasuke shuddered. “Does the cool and quiet rookie-of-the-year Uchiha Sasuke-kun wants to dance with his mommy?”

“Shut up.” Sasuke spat at his mother.

The dancing stopped again. Mikoto looked at her child, blinked twice, and wrapped her arms tightly around Naruto.

“My own child, Naruto-kun!” Her sobbing was disgusting in its fakeness. “My own son tells me to shut up!!!”

She fell on her knees and buried her face on Naruto’s left chest. The music was drowned by her fake wailing.

“I have failed as a mother!!! Naruto-kun, where did I go wrong!?”

Naruto chuckled and patted Mikoto’s head clumsily. “Umm, it’s not your fault; Mikoto-nee-chan. Sasuke’s just a bastard.”

Now Sasuke just wanted to disappear. Ah, I see! I’m still in a hospital bed after the massacre! I’m still seven years old! This is a crazy coma-induced nightmare!

Another fake and overly loud sob. “You are the only one who understands me, Naruto-kun. Everyone thinks it’s easy for me! Everyone thinks I’m the luckiest mother in the world because my child is the wondrous, suave, fantastic Uchiha Sasuke!!! But it’s not!!!!!”

“Oh, now that’s just ridiculous.” Sasuke rolled his eyes.

Mikoto’s hands grabbed Naruto by the sides of his head. “I cannot go on like this anymore!!! I cannot do this alone!!! I need someone who can comfort me!!! Someone who can take care of me and Sasuke!!!”

“I don’t like where this is going.” Naruto’s face straightened.

“You have no right to say that!” Sasuke spat.

Mikoto suddenly lifted her arms to encircle Naruto over his shoulders and embrace him more closely, her right cheek against his.

“Marry me, Naruto-kun!!!”

“THE HELL!?”

“Why does it always end with a frickin’ marriage proposal!? Who’s next, Hinata!?”

Mikoto mock-gasped and moved away from the blind boy. “So you reject me, too, Naruto-kun!!!”

“WHAT!? No! I didn’t say that!!!”

“Naruto-kun!!!” Before he could react, his face was buried in Mikoto’s plain yukata. He turned his head towards Sasuke.

“Ne, Sasuke. If I marry Mikoto-nee-chan, does that mean you have to call me ‘daddy’?”

Mikoto giggled. Sasuke seethed. “I hope you die a horrible, horrible death, Naruto.”

Naruto pretended to look angry. “Oh, you are so getting grounded for that, young mister.”

Mikoto’s giggling became a bit louder. Sasuke seethed some more.

“And I hope the Shinigami ravages your soul for eternity.”

[Neko-]

From Black Dragons 'Nexus'

Seems he's removed the original and only has 'Nexus II' up tho... which I haven't read yet, so can't comment if it's the same story or not.

Happousai hopped over to look Ranma up and down, scratching his chin in thought. "Not bad, not bad." Then the ancient martial artist blinked. "He's your son, Genma?"
Genma nodded proudly.
"Not much resemblance, is there?" Happousai speculated.
"Thank Kami," Ranma muttered, not under his breath this time.
Genma growled and hit his son over the head. "Show some respect, you foolish boy!"
Kaze took a sip of tea as Ranma planted a foot in Genma's stomach. "We've been considering the possibility that Master Ranma is adopted. Or at least were. Now we're just considering whether or not Saotome is actually the father. There's even a betting pool, if you're interested."
Genma blinked, then pulled himself off the floor. "What? Nonsense!"
Rayden looked at him dubiously. "I don't know man. Nodoka bet against you. That's a bad sign."

[Mitchell]

He scrapped Nexus a couple years ago. Really I like Nexus II a lot better. True Ranma is very loosely based on the character and is the only Ranma person we regularly see but it was much better than the original.

[Scooter]

From One Half Wing and a Prayer Chapter 31, Falling into Place

Shampoo considered her move carefully.

She had already established a perimeter, and even though her opponent held a confident smile, she knew that Kodachi Kuno was not the tactical warrior that she was. Granted, her idea of tactics was frontal assault all the way, but Nabiki was slowly showing her that subtlety was just as devastating.

Confidently, she made her next move.

“E-7.”

Scowling, Kodachi picked up a red peg, “You sank my carrier! Is Nabiki helping you?”

“Don’t drag me into this,” Nabiki said from across the room. “You’re the one who said playing Monopoly against me was a waste of time.”

Ranma also looked up from his hand, grimacing at the fact that Akane and Nabiki were still walking all over him at UNO, “Look, I know it’s a little dull, but Alexis said that she’d be right back after she met with Dizzy. We just need to kill another hour or so.” He winced again as Akane tossed down a wild draw four and sighed aloud, “At least it isn’t Old Maid.”

Akane growled lightly, “You trying to say something?”

“No, no,” Ranma answered, waving his hands defensively, and allowing Nabiki a good look at his cards, “I just have bad memories of that game.”

Nabiki smiled, “We could always get Twister out. That could be…entertaining.”

“Not with two gymnasts, a cat girl, and a pack of perverts it won’t,” snapped Akane as Nabiki skipped her.

Kasumi smiled as she set a tray of drinks down in the middle of the table, “At least none of you challenged Father again.”

“Your old man spent way too much time around mine,” grumbled Ranma as he surveyed his hand, “He is way too good at cheating for any of us to beat.”

“B-4,” Kodachi said, getting back to her own game.

“Miss.”

“Damn!”

[Not-Going-to-Tell]

FromMagical Babysitter Lyrical Zafira

That sounded vaguely familiar to Zafira, but his mind was too hazy to remember, “Hmm, that’s not as bad as some of the rumors out there,” he paused to take a sip, “If all the rumors were true all the women in our unit would be lesbians.”

“They’re not?” Vice tilted his head to the side, sipping his drink.

“Not what?”

“Lesbians,” Vice blinked, “I thought all of them were.”

“I don’t think so…” Zafira thought about it, “Caro’s not.”

“She’s the exception. Think about it,” he tapped the side of his head, “Fate and Nanoha sleep in the same bed.”

“Well it’s a very big bed,” Zafira countered after he finished off his latest drink, “four people could sleep on it and never touch.”

“Well then why not just have two beds,” Vice glugged down the last of his and a new round greeted the two of them. “I mean it’s not like we couldn’t afford it.”

“You have a point there but two lesbians does not an army make.”

“Ah well what about Signum and Shamal?” he smirked over his drink.

“Hmm… Signum does visit Shamal quite often,” Zafira was too wasted to be disturbed. “And they always lock the door when they’re together…”

“Not to mention Tia and Subaru, I offered Tia the side car but she rejected it. She’d rather have Subaru hold on,” he winked. “I’d bet money that Tia really likes all those things Subaru does.”

“Sounds logical… but there might have been other reasons why she didn’t want the side car,” Zafira snickered.

Vice either didn’t notice or didn’t care, “Oh and what about Vita, is it just me or is she just a little too dedicated to Hayate. And what about Rein I can totally see a little three way fun how ‘bout you.” He nudged Zafira. “Huh huh.”

Even in his hammered state Zafira could not imagine a situation in which Hayate, Vita and Rein had a threesome, he was very thankful to have a small imagination. “So your options are pretty limited?”

Vice sighed, “Yeah pretty much.” His grin instantly bounced back, “But who cares when I get to be around Hayate’s lesbian army!”

“Hayate’s WHAT ARMY!” Both drunkards froze. They slowly and fearfully turned around.

“Submarine Commander Vita! I mean Sub Commando Vita!” Vice jumped and tried to salute only succeeding in whacking himself in the face with his hand and knocking himself out.

“Vita nice to see you,” the alcohol had stopped Zafira from noticing the deadly aura radiating from his fellow Wolkenritter. “Want to have a drink they’re very nice.”

She eyed the rather large piles of empty glasses by the two, “Za-fi-ra!” Vita grabbed him by his mane, “You are drunk aren’t you?”

He waved a paw in the air, “it would appear so.”

[bissek]

From Fist of Orion

Ranma looked up, aura flaring up around him. He didn't care if drawing this much power incinerated him at the moment. "DIE, YOU F*CKING B'STRD!"

------Mimir's Well------------

Skuld blinked. "That's an attack?"

Atropos let out a sigh. "That's NOT the name of the attack, Skuld-chan." Privately, she thought it SHOULD be.

[Atlan]

Ever have one of those dreams you wish you could wake up from but can’t?

It’s not like those dreams where you are with some super hot movie stars that are probably going to send you a bill for just appearing in your dream, but one that is too good to be true and therefore you reject it and make it into a nightmare.

That’s what this was like.

Everyone called me Sherry Lu? Or was it Mary Sue? Terry Wuu?

I was this drop dead gorgeous well proportioned BABE (for lack of any scientific term) that every guy I met fell in love with me on the spot. I was super smart, super sweet and was able to solve all the X-men problems. I also had powers that whooped every X-persons butt without breaking a sweat (or a nail). I was SO ---perfect.

TOO perfect.

That’s probably why my brain rejected me being perfect and made it into a nightmare.

Suddenly I had all these normal people chasing me around screaming at me with torches. Their torches were words though, that is weird!

From Rui's Lucky Me
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/262978/1/Lucky_Me

[CRBWildcat]

From AstroKender's Final Betrayal. A moment of humor in an otherwise serious fic.

“Monkey D. Luffy, you have been tried as the Pirate King for crimes, and conspiracy to commit crimes, against the government. Such crimes include but are not limited to piracy, racketeering, theft, assault, trespassing and treason. Tell me, how do you plead?”

The entire plaza went silent. Every ear strained to catch what very well might be the Pirate King’s last words. The last time a Pirate King spoke, the entire world changed, transforming into an era of pirates. Now, every person wondered what new world Monkey D. Luffy’s death will usher in.

Luffy’s gaze roamed the crowd, his eyes dark under the shadows of his bangs. The sun shined down on everything with an almost blinding radiance. Luffy took a deep breath, relishing in the air filling his lungs.

“I…”

He would miss breathing, the sharp bite of being alive. He’d miss the thrill of the fight and the satisfaction of overcoming his own limitations. He would miss his friends, the endless adventures. He would miss all the laughter. A deeper part of him (a part kept closer to the chest) would miss things like the sharp tang of steel and sweat, and the warm, damp feeling of laughter against his ear.

“I’m…”

But most of all, more that anything, he’d miss…

“I’m hungry.”

Food.

Oh glorious meat! How would he ever live without it?

That’s right, he wouldn’t. He kept forgetting. That made things a bit more bearable then.

The deathly silence lasted three more long seconds before being broken unanimously

“Ehhhhh?” The ground shook with the force of thousands of people suddenly falling on their faces. Luffy blinked owlishly, wondering what was everyone’s problem. As one, his crew slapped their palms across their foreheads, emitting a chorus of groans.

[CRBWildcat]

From Mieren's Mysterious Rurouni:

He was surprised to see Amiboshi a little ways from him, trembling from a full body chill, his fingers curling and eyes twitching as though he was having a seizure. Kenshin gave him an odd look. Though willing to overlook the boy’s knowledge of his true gender, since Chichiri had managed to figure out the same thing, he couldn’t ignore the fact that the stink factory quite obviously knew who Saito was. A quick glance at Chichiri showed that the monk was thinking along the same lines.

“Is the Seiryu priestess a hot chick too?” Tasuki asked eagerly. Amiboshi made a gagging noise and went pale. Chichiri and Kenshin exchanged evil looks.

“Da?” Chichiri asked, arching one eyebrow at Kenshin. (The translation of bubblehead to normal speech came roughly to, ‘Spy?’)

“De gozaru.” (‘Of course.’)

“Da. Na no da?” (‘I see. Are we going to torture this poor guy?’)

“Oro.” (‘Until he rips his hair out and screams for his mommy.’)

“Oro, no da?” (‘Would you like to go first, or should I?’)

“De gozaru, oro. Na no da.” (‘We’ll make this a competition of who can get him to snap first. I’ll even be nice and give you the first move.’)

“Da!” (‘Thanks!’)

The two psychos looked up from their quickly muttered conversation to find that all of the other seishi were staring at them. The emotions emitted towards them ranged from confused to ‘you can expect a butt-kicking if you don’t stop immediately’ irritated. Amiboshi looked somewhat amazed, seemingly understanding that they were talking in their own little code while everyone sane was unable to follow their conversation.

“Are you two quite finished?” Hotohori asked, frustrated.

“Oro?” (‘Were we doing something?’)

“Da.” (‘Aw, but we’re perfectly innocent and ever so cute.’)

“Stand back. I’m going to kill them both,” Nuriko growled.

“Do they do that a lot?” Amiboshi asked Tamahome, who was the only one with his sense of smell damaged enough to let him even remotely close.

“Constantly,” Tamahome sighed.

“It’s not so bad,” Tasuki said, shrugging. “As long as Chichiri isn’t competition.”

“Da…” (‘He has the IQ of a cabbage…’)

Snort. “De gozaru ka? Oro?” (‘It took you this long to realize that? Why do you think I like teasing him?’)

“I’m warning you two,” Tamahome growled.

“Da, no da.” (‘We should probably knock it off for now. I think Tamahome is about to blow the vein in his forehead.’)

“De gozaru. Oro, no da.” (‘You’re probably right. But if that thing goes off, you get to clean up the mess.’)

“Da!” (‘Says who?!?’)

Cracking knuckles finally broke them up. Both Tamahome and Nuriko were approaching them, fists clenched. Kenshin raised his hands in defeat.

And next up is a little something from FictionReader98's Quest to be the Greatest:

Luffy was walking through, whistling to himself at all the good luck: a new ship coming, three new crewmates, and lots of meat!

“Hold it.”

Luffy stopped and looked back. It was Sasuke. “Need something?”

“Fight me.”

“No thanks.”

“I won’t take no for an answer,” Sasuke answered, walking towards Luffy and getting into his face, despite being smaller than the teenager. “Fight me.”

“Nah,” Luffy said happily. “No need to. Kuro bastard is long gone. Kuro… long gone. That’s funny!” He started cracking up again, making Sasuke all that much more pissed off. He attempted to jump Luffy right there, but the Straw Hat Captain calmly step aside and tripped him. Sasuke fell face first on the ground, and Luffy put his right foot on Sasuke’s back. “Chill!” Luffy said in between laughs.

“I hate you.”

“OK,” Luffy replied indifferently. “You look like you have a great singing voice! First thing we should all do when we set out on our new ship is sing and party!”

“I hate singing.”

Luffy gasped loudly. “You hate singing!?” He grabbed his head in pure horror. “How can you hate singing!?”

“Easy.”

“Pirates sing!”

“Not me.”

“How can you be a pirate and hate singing!?”

“Who cares?”

“That’s just wrong!!”

“Don’t give a damn.”

“You’re gonna sing!”

“Bite me... OUCH!!! NOT LITERALLY, YOU MORON!!!”

[Comartemis]

A classic moment from Slayers Chaos, by Stefan Gagne.

Here lies a rolling lake of golden energy. Liquid light, fluid chaos, a thing that should not exist under the laws of the universe in a place that does not exist under the laws of the universe. It has no dimensions as humans know them. It simply exists, an entity, a place, a unit, a sphere, an existence. This is what lies outside what is and what will be. Beyond that, it defies the words that dare to describe it.

Overlooking that lake, in a little bubble of authentic reality, is a dinner table and two very surprised diners.

There are few sights that can really knock the sobriety into someone, and this one gave Lina a hammer blow to the face. Sheet white and panicked, realization sunk in. "Oh, god... I didn't.. GOURRY!!! You made me chant the spell!!"

Gourry raised his knife to block Lina's fork attack. "I didn't mean to! I thought you were just demonstrating!"

"Think I demonstrated enough for you to GET A CLUE?! Now who knows where we are?!" Lina asked, gesturing to the wholly unreal landscape. "This is exactly the sort of thing I was trying to avoid, getting caught up in some strange-powers-from-beyond-space-and-time sort of affair--"

'Lina Inverse,' a voice toned, ringing through Lina's head with an earth shatteringly quiet volume, a crystal sound that made itself clear to her.

Lina turned away from Gourry to look at the lake below them, where for some reason she was positive the voice came from. An aspect of the water, set up to address them... "I think there's been some kind of misunderstanding," she said. "You see, I didn't mean to--"

'Again, The Gate Has Been Used For Its Creator's True Purpose,' the voice said, sounding relieved, or at least Lina thought the worlds seemed relieved, even though they didn't sound relieved. 'You Are One Who Has Cast The Light And The Dark And The Door, As Merlin Giga Had Bargained With Me. I Greet You, Lina Inverse, As You Have Grown To Know Me, For I Am The Lord Of Nightmares.'

Lina couldn't think of anything to say whatsoever in reply.

'I Have A Task For The One Who Cast The Powers And Gained The Gift,' the Lord of Nightmares continued. 'You May Choose Not To Undertake It, And If You Are Human, You Will Remain Aimless, Restless, Forever Adrift, As You Are Now.'

"I'm confused," Gourry said helplessly.

"I.. think I'm not," Lina said, her sinking feeling starting to send up warning flares and get first class passengers to the lifeboats. "What's this task you want? ...o most powerful Lord of Nightmares? I mean."

The Lord of Nightmares paused. Maybe it was collecting its thoughts, trying to find the best phrasing in a language it wasn't used to using. Maybe it was trying to spook Lina into a certain reaction. Maybe Lina would never know why.

'First, You Will Draw The Wingless,' the Lord spoke. 'You Will Be Aided. At The Next Step, I Will Return To Guide You. That Is All. Now, You Will Return Home.'

"..the what? Whoa, whoa, time out," Lina said, making a T with her hands, addressing the lake. "I have absolutely no idea what you're talking about. How am I supposed to go on whatever quest you've got for me if--"

'You Will Be Aided,' the lake replied.

"You're not going to explain yourself beyond that, are you?"

'No.'

"As long as we're on the same level," Lina said. "Is there any way to back out of this?"

'I Have Described The Way.'

"It's not a very attractive option."

'I Have Described The Way.'

"Okay, okay..." Lina said. All concerns about not being pious before her Lord, a being of pure power that exists outside human understand had gone out the window a few moments ago. "I'd like to at least lodge a protest vote, even if you don't care. It's very rude to trap someone like this, you know, blackmail them into doing your bidding. And I bet this counts as kidnapping, too."

'I Have Not Trapped You. The Winds Of Chaos Simply Sweep In Unusual Ways.'

"Yeah, yeah, fine. Gourry, let's book."

"Hang on a second," Gourry said. Then he turned to address the ultimate creator of his world. "Excuse me, miss, umm..."

'Lord Of Nightmares.'

"Right, Lord of Nightmares. You're, like, the person who created everything and stuff, right?" Gourry asked.

'I Am The Maker Of All. I Am The Seer Of All. Over Shaburanigdo And Ceipheed I Rule. Over Mankind's Existence I Rule, Looking On High, Silent As Time. Over All Things Seeking Destruction And Preservation I Am Lord.'

"Right. Maybe you can answer something for me... for the longest time, I was wondering--"

'No, There Wasn't A Monster In Your Closet When You Were Eight. It Was Just Your Brother Trying To Scare You.'

"Okay, thanks," Gourry said. "Let's go, Lina."

"..." Lina commented, as the dinner table phased back into normal space.

[Scooter]

A classic moment from Slayers Chaos, by Stefan Gagne.

"I.. think I'm not," Lina said, her sinking feeling starting to send up warning flares and get first class passengers to the lifeboats. "What's this task you want? ...o most powerful Lord of Nightmares? I mean."

Heh, love the shameless reference to the Titanic

[bissek]

From a variety of Evangelion Crossovers:

Oh My Evangelion

Mahato read the address. "EVA-02, the Angel is at this address," Ritsuko said, then repeated Mahato’s words. "Prepare to open fire; let’s not take chances—"

"Like HELL you’ll open fire!" Misato shouted, her face pale.

Ritsuko whirled to face her. "What are you talking about, Major, this is an emergency—"

Misato grabbed Ritsuko’s lab coat. "That’s MY frigging address, Ritsuko! The damn Angel is in my apartment!"

Upstairs, Gendo had been quickly jotting down notes on a scratchpad for further study later. He paused, then wrote quickly, Yebisu beer—secret weapon for luring Angels?

"He called me here and the first thing he did was to stick me in a big purple killing machine!" Belldandy’s eyebrows beetled together at the mental image that brought. No, she thought, the demon Barney was destroyed by Shannon Masters years ago. Seeing her confused, Shinji showed her a picture of EVA-01. "It’s…hideous," she said.

Had Misato’s higher brain functions been dealing with more than pain at the moment, she might have stopped as Asuka had. Instead, she gave the immaculate room little more than a second glance. She did pull up short at the sight of Shinji, Asuka, Pen-Pen, and Belldandy eating breakfast at the table, especially as Asuka wore a look of complete bliss as she bit into a cinnamon roll. But then Misato’s brain managed to string together something coherent, and it propelled her feet forward.

Belldandy rose and bowed to Misato. "Ohayo, Katsuragi Misato-sama. Would you like some breakfast?"

"Don’t use such nasty words around me," Misato said, holding onto a rapidly violent stomach. Her nose told her that it did smell very good, and her brain got together another thought, that her apartment had not been this clean since…she could not remember since. Obviously, Belldandy had done that and cooked breakfast. Misato’s opinion of Belldandy went up a notch. An Angel, even one attempting to ingratiate itself, probably would not do that. If it had, it would have been a cover for something heinous, like covering a pit trap with a rug or poisoning Pen Pen. The penguin looked as happy as everyone else. Either she has them brainwashed, Misato thought painfully, or maybe I’ve been wrong.

"G’morn’ng," Misato mumbled. "Jus’ let me through…need a piece of what bit me." She flung open the refrigerator. It took a moment to register, and it was only after her hand had closed on a bottle of herbal tea that she noticed. Misato gasped. It was the worst thing she had ever seen since Second Impact.

The beer was gone.

Skuld decided that her hammer would get the point across, and it would be quieter than a Skuld Bomb. She jumped to her feet, turned, and looked down the barrel of the largest gun she had ever seen. Of course, guns did tend to look bigger when they were pointed at one’s head, but this one looked like Skuld could crawl into the bore. Mainly because she could, and bring Keiichi along for company.

Misato reached Gendo’s office and was about to knock when she heard something. Leaning closer to the door, her eyes widened, and she nearly passed out for the second time today.

Gendo was laughing. Not only that, he was nearly hysterical.

Misato quickly keyed in her command override on the door lock. Theoretically, she wasn’t supposed to know how to do this, but there was a lot about NERV that Misato wasn’t supposed to know about. The door slid open, and Misato could not take another step in utter and complete shock.

Gendo Ikari was beneath a beautiful, well-endowed woman dressed in black leather which looked dangerously close to bursting open. He was pounding the floor and screaming in mirth as the woman intently tickled his feet with a feather.

"Give up?" the woman said, grinning. "Don’t make me bring out the oven mitts!"

"Aaagh!" Gendo was having trouble gaining breath. "All right! Bell—Belldandy is in—" Both of them stopped, frozen, looking at an equally frozen Misato.

"What in the hell is going on?" Misato said slowly.

Urd looked up, presented with the problem of keeping Gendo under control and getting rid of the other woman. Gendo, noticing his opponent to be temporarily distracted, threw all his weight into rolling to the right. Urd, taken by surprise, let out an oath and crashed to the floor.

"Torment me, dare you!" Gendo grabbed Urd by the front of her dress, which was a mistake on his part. The only string holding it together snapped, and the tunic came open, exposing Urd from neck to navel for all the world to see, which at this point included Gendo and Misato—and Futsuyuki and Belldandy, who happened to be passing by on their way to the control room.

Futsuyuki’s eyebrows rose. "Commander, what are you—who is—" He stopped himself. "No, don’t tell me. I don’t want to know."

Belldandy’s grin became so big Misato wondered if her face would split. "Urd!"

Urd looked over Gendo’s shoulder and waved. "Hey, Bell." She then slapped Gendo across the face, hitched up her blouse, and retied it. "Hmpf. I’m not that kind of girl." She turned her back imperiously on Gendo, who was now intently looking for his glasses, and tried to walk over to Belldandy. Misato stopped her with an outstretched hand.

"You are meddling with powers you cannot understand," Urd warned darkly.

Misato’s eyes twitched. "I think I understand your powers perfectly. This is a new low, even for the Angels."

And I think Misato would be happier if some of these signs were in the GeoFront:

Washu noticed a sign reading WELCOME TO TOKYO-3, HOME OF NERV. GOD’S IN HIS HEAVEN, AND YOU ARE HERE. An arrow pointed to a map underneath the sign.

From Neon Genesis Goddess: Doublet

Asuka and Hikari whirled around to see a funny little orange man with green hair in coveralls. Asuka let out a groan.

“Oh please……don’t tell me. You’re…..”

“I am an Oompa Loompa.” The little man replied.

“Mien Gott…I swear if you start singing…….”

“Asuka?” asked Hikari confused.

“There was this old American movie based off of a book.” Asuka said, “All about a guy and his chocolate factory. Kaji got me the movie when I was 7. It was really childish, but it helped me with English.” Asuka pointed at the Oompa Loompa. “They ran the factory for the guy.” Asuka placed her hands on her hips and glared at the Oompa Loompa. “Alright then, how do we find our friends?”

“You follow the Yellow Brick road.”

Asuka blinked. “Tell me you’re kidding.”

“Nope.” The Oompa Loompa replied. He turned and pointed. Sure enough, the road in front of them became yellow brick.

“Great…thanks.” Asuka grabbed Hikari and started walking.

“What’s wrong now?” Hikari asked.

“Now it’s become an entirely different story.” Asuka said, “It’s about a girl in the US who gets sent by a tornado to another land. She had to follow this yellow brick road to see a wizard.” Asuka stopped and thought a second. “Come to think of it……” Asuka closed her eyes and clicked her heels together three times, mumbling something Hikari couldn’t hear. After a moment, Asuka opened her eyes and looked around. “Didn’t think so.” She then continued walking.

“What did you just do?”

“Don’t ask. It was a really dumb idea in the first place.”

And finally, from A Soul Possessed:

Misato and Kaji walked into Ritsuko’s office, not knowing what the doctor wanted of them. When they entered her office they saw a woman with a tired expression. Ritsuko was going on 72 hours no sleep; the only thing keeping her awake was coffee and cigarettes. Ritsuko motioned for them to sit as she finished up her report. She turned to them as she finished up, “Well, I’ve got weird news, and downright bizarre news. Which do you want first?”



“There’s a difference around here?” Kaji answered smugly.

[Dumbledork]

Here's one from CandyAngel17's HP fic 'Their Hero'

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3524030/6/Their_Hero

As the giant stranger led Harry down the dark alley, the teen began to think maybe following along wasn't the best idea. But, when he pulled out a rotting banana from his coat pocket and told Harry to hold it, Harry got ready to bolt.
“Come on now, Harry! It's jus' a portkey!”

Harry backed up. “I don't care what sick freaks like you like to call it, I am not touching your banana!”

“Harry! It's a portkey! It will transport us to tha Leaky Cauldron!

Here's another fine one

Harry shrugged uneasily as he grasped the gnarled hand, “Brown, technically, but yeah I guess.”

“Ah, of course. Brown, Brown, Brown...”

“Um, yeah. Brown.” He pulled his hand away.

“You wouldn't happen to know a Ms. Brown would you?”

“Well, yes. I know lots of Ms. Brown's. My sister, cousins, aunts; it's kinda my name. I run into a bunch of them around holidays, unfortunately.”

“Right, of course. Pardon me. I'm Ollivander. Now, you didn't come in here to chat did you? Let's find you a wand.”

[Heaven's Deamon]

Here's one from the fic Prince of the Planets A Ranma/SM crossover

Minako saw this and screamed to the heavens, “THAT’S TWO HUNKS NOW THAT HAVE PASSED ME UP!” Minako then pulled out a fancy Texas Instrument Calculator and started pressing buttons on it while talking to herself, “Let’s see, take the total number of men in the world, factor in the percentage that are single, divide that by the number of men who are gay to the 4th power of the number of hot men…” Matoko turned to Rei and said, “She can do all of that to figure out her chances of getting a date, but she can’t figure out how to work with binomials?” Rei just sighed and said, “I’m a fortune teller, not a psychic.”

[Neko-]

A few older stories, but still good ones...

Lines of Destiny by Louis-Philippe Giroux. Sorry to report it's not finished, nor do I ever expect it to be.

Ami and Makoto stared at Happosai in shock. The Perverted Thing From Another Dimension had returned.

And Hell Hath No Fury by Bob Lobster. Also something that most likely will never get finished

Turning back towards her friend, she wasn't surprised to see Venus running quickly towards the boy on the fence while yelling out a line that the people of Nerima were very used to hearing.

"Ranma Saotome, Prepare to Die!!"

Another gem that _might_ still get finished (had an e-mail from the author stating that fact): A Humble Home For A Strong Heart by LaShawn M. Wanak:

**PUNCH** "HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU..." Ryoga's rapid recovery reversed itself as he caught sight of Lita. "Hey, why are you wearing my shirt?"

Yet, even as I speak, this 'Akane Tendo' standing before me is at the moment showing quite an interest in my waiter, to the likes of which she has never done before. Am I correct in this, 'Akane Tendo'?"

Lita broke off her ogling of Mousse to snap, "No, I wasn't! I was looking out the window!"

"Of which Mousse just happens to be standing in front of," the elder pointed out.