Rinne

[Dumbledork]

I hope Ranma will make her pay somehow.

Since Ranma was supposed to be a sacrifice right from the start why DID kaede ask the question? Was she considering letting Ranma live if he answered the question in a satisfactory way?

[LawOhki]

I hope Ranma will make her pay somehow.

Since Ranma was supposed to be a sacrifice right from the start why DID kaede ask the question? Was she considering letting Ranma live if he answered the question in a satisfactory way?

Kaede had been watching Ranma for some time. The reason she asked any question was because she felt bad for what was planned to do to him and wanted to find some justification for it to happen. She has no actual choice on what to do.

My aim with her intro was to make her appear cruel or even evil when she's actually the complete opposite.

[ijp92]

Actually she really doesn't want anything to do with the plan. And she is a very big technophile. Has every console, a kick ass computer, lots handhelds with a ton of games, and a fancy smart phone. Her traditional parents are utterly ashamed of her modern ways.

I give you young Kaede!
http://paranatural.net/

[Konsaki]

False advertizing! Kaede hasn't rapped yet!

[ijp92]

I give you young Kaede!
http://paranatural.net/

Here's a more permanent link (the old one will just take you to the most recent page)
http://paranatural.net/chapter-4-page-5/

[LawOhki]

False advertizing! Kaede hasn't rapped yet!

While her tastes have changed over the years, she's more into older music, being that she is in her 70s.

Actually she's probably explored every fad that came along and looked fun.

[LawOhki]

New ending, cut off everything from the point where Ranma starts running from the ANBU.

---------

Fifteen minutes later

Ranma carelessly dispatched one of the masked guys as he attempted to stab her with one of the small throwing knives they all seemed to carry. His mask shattered and blood splattered over her outstretched fist that deftly caught the knife by the handle. Hearing someone yell out an attack, she caught a man on top of a nearby building wearing a green flack jacket and no mask finish up with a hand sign. Large stone spikes were formed from the building beneath him to shoot out at her position.

“Shit!” She jumped up to plant both feet on the masked guys shoulders before he could fall and pushed. Ranma rocketed one way while he was pushed another a moment before the stone spikes smashed through the building they had been on. Twisting in mid air, she landed on stone shingles before running between two buildings.

At first she had tried to avoid causing severe injuries or death but these guys were not interested in showing her the same courtesy. She had already taken hits from small chakra created techniques like Kaede could do, and even with her speed occasionally some blade would cut her. There was no time to question any of the animal masked soldiers before more appeared. The ones who wore green flack jackets without masks kept their distance so she was forced to just avoid their attacks.

Bouncing between the buildings, she overshot the rooftop, and tried to use the extra height to see a way out of this crazy city. She saw one side was framed by a tall mountain with four faces carved into the rock. But the rest was just surrounded by a tall outer wall and a vast forest of trees.

Before she could even land, Ranma had to deflect or avoid a dozen more thrown weapons. Hissing in pain as several caught her exposed flesh to create long gashes across her legs and arms she landed on the roof next to them. Losing herself for a moment, and only after the four men were laying in heaps on the ground did she come back to rationality.

“These guys just don’t know when to quit.” She wheezed, partially out of breath. Snagging a couple more of the throwing knives just for her own defense, she really wished she knew what was going on. She vaguely remembered something with Kaede at the shrine, could the blonde be behind this?

Having caught her breath, she decided to ignore everything to try and get out of the city as fast as possible. That simple plan ended as three people appeared in puffs of smoke in the direction she needed to travel. All men wearing the green flack jackets, blue pants and sandals, and lacking masks with silver forehead protectors were tied in place around their heads. One of the men, who had a feral look to his face, had a very large wolf-like dog growling at her from his side.

“Uh-- you guys mind telling me why you’re trying to kill me?” She chuckled nervously and scratched at the back of her head, not liking the look of that dog.

“Stuck inside Naruto for twelve years must have made the Kyuubi an idiot.” One of the men joked with the others.

“Kyuubi?” She asked in confusion.

“Too much talking!” The feral one clasped his hands together. “Let’s go Kiromaru!”

‘Fast!’ Ranma barely avoided the lunging jaws of the giant dog and a follow up snap as she side stepped. The feral man joined in the attack with equal speed, but she deflected his punch then redirected his momentum to throw him into the dog who was coming around for another attack. Glancing at the other two, she saw them putting their hands together in different series of signs. Assuming that they weren’t going to endanger their partner, she was running towards the man and dog duo before they had even collided.

“That bitch!” The human half of the dog duo cursed her as he bowled over his companion.

“Leave your mutt out of this.” She taunted as she bounced off the top of his head, knocking him back down on top of the canine who protested the treatment with a loud whine.

Ranma’s somewhat jovial moment was ended by a sharp stabbing pain in her right shoulder blade. Hissing in pain, she continued over the edge of the roof, and looked back long enough to see one of the throwing knives digging deeply into her flesh. Reaching back to pull it out, a small note attached to it suddenly started to burn.

Her next moment of conscious thought were laying sprawled on the ground, ears ringing, and body numb. Struggling to raise herself up to a sitting position, the knives she had pilfered having been lost, she slowly looked back to see the devastated area where she had been standing. An explosion having destroyed most of the three story wall. Four more of the knives with small notes attached landed around her and Ranma’s eyes widened in alarm. She had barely made it out of the semicircle before the notes started to burn.

This time she felt the explosions, her body tumbling uncontrollably through the air before going through several wooden walls. “Not fair.” She groaned, blood trickling down between her eyes. Her vision was clear enough to see another of the green vest wearing men land in a crouch through the holes she had made.

Weakly rising to her feet and running out of his line of sight, she stumbled over household items, and broke through a doorway to get back outside. Her right arm refused to move properly as she tried to avoid being spotted by moving through the empty alleyways. Barely hiding behind some trash cans as one of the animal masked men inspected the area, she wiped some blood out of her eyes.

As soon as he left, she was on the move again while constantly searching the rooftops for anyone who would alert the city to her position once again. It seemed like hours before she finally got to the edge of the city. Flattening herself against a wall, she carefully scanned the open area she would have to cross in order to reach the tree line on the far side.

Ranma conceded that these guys were good at evacuation because she had only encountered fighters. Carefully leaning out of her hiding spot to check the rooftops as best she could, Ranma decided there wouldn’t be a better time to make the crossing. Hampered by her injuries, she was sure that she had been spotted by the time she reached cover again. Glancing back, there were no shouts to raise the alarm, and no masked men watching from the rooftops.

Releasing the breath she had been holding and thanking every god for her good luck, she continued on her way through the trees towards the large wall surrounding the city. Her body began to protest more and more at the treatment it was currently enduring. Her feet hurt because she didn’t have any shoes, everyone of the cuts decorating her body stung, her right shoulder felt like it was dislocated, and blood would not stop dripping into her eyes from the cut on her forehead.

But things were looking up, that big wall was looking closer, and if she could get out of this crazy city then she could start trying to find her way back home. After cleaning herself up and taking care of her injuries of course. Maybe even finding that asshole who threw those explosives and knock him around with them.

“Oh come on!” She exclaimed in frustration, the trees stopping abruptly to plunge into a vertical cliff down to a quarry far below. Time was a factor and this was going to eat up a lot of it just to walk around to the other side.

“Doton Dosekiryuu!” Someone shouted from behind her and the ground under Ranma’s feet gave way. (2)

Letting out a brief shriek in surprise, she had no way to jump away as the entire cliff collapsed. Mud, rocks, and other debri pelted her as thousands of kilos of struck the bottom of the quarry fifty meters below. Tossed and turned, the liquified Earth finally came to a stop leaving her half buried with a few tree branches brushing against her face.

Ranma stared at the offending branch with a bored look before with a scream of frustration she grabbed it and broke it into as many pieces as she could. Pulling her lower half free, she flopped tiredly on to her back. Above she could see several dozen men and a few women waiting around the remaining edge of the quarry.

Trying to push herself back up to her feet, her right arm gave out making her fall back on her face. Groaning, she tried again, and stumbled with loose footing before finally gaining a vertical base. ‘Nowhere to go.’ She thought sadly, her body ready to give out just from standing. “Hey! I give up! You caught me! I’m sorry for whatever I did!” She called up to them.

At some unspoken signal, her attackers above each threw some kind of throwing weapon down towards her. Ranma was going to try and avoid them up until the air was filled with tiny pops and puffs of smoke filled up the sky as the weapons multiplied into hundreds to blanket the entire area in steel. Her face fell, realizing that she would never be able to dodge fast enough.

Her one good arm flashed out to catch the first throwing knife that entered her reach. With all the remaining speed she had, Ranma deflected every blade she could. As the wave of throwing knives, shuriken, and other oddly shaped metal finally ended, her left arm dropped lifelessly to her side. Around her, the deflected weapons finally hit the ground to embed in the loose soil.

Ranma’s breath came in and out in deep gasps, the single throwing knife in her hand slipped from her limp fingers. Her head drooped and she fell to her knees. “Guess that’s it.” She remarked in a mumble before falling over on her side.

[Dumbledork]

Good showing. Hope Ranma has somehow inherited the Kyuubi's healing factor.

[Konsaki]

Hope Ranma has somehow inherited the Kyuubi's healing factor.

Or you know, kept the same healing factor he had in his main continuity.

All in all, I like the disparity of force shown in this section. It shows Ranma as being pretty powerful in physical tactics in a one on one situation but completely overwhelmed by the overall tactics and manpower that are being thrown at him.
Of course, I dislike the fact that even though Ranma complied with the ANBU's orders, they still attacked him with deadly force. I do understand them being paranoid ninja, but they're also the police of the place ever since the Uchiha got schwacked. You'd think they'd at least try to question Ranma before persuing/attacking him as Ranmatried to run from the situation.

[LawOhki]

Or you know, kept the same healing factor he had in his main continuity.

Ranma is going to bounce back real quick from these injuries as per canon of him being near impossible to keep down for any length of time without severely injuring him.

All in all, I like the disparity of force shown in this section. It shows Ranma as being pretty powerful in physical tactics in a one on one situation but completely overwhelmed by the overall tactics and manpower that are being thrown at him.
Of course, I dislike the fact that even though Ranma complied with the ANBU's orders, they still attacked him with deadly force. I do understand them being paranoid ninja, but they're also the police of the place ever since the Uchiha got schwacked. You'd think they'd at least try to question Ranma before persuing/attacking him as Ranmatried to run from the situation.

Since Ranma pegs as the kyuubi they weren't going to stop for a calm chat. As for Ranmas ranking, he'll be jounin level or above for everything save chakra usage which will catch up quickly.

[Konsaki]

I just reread from the beginning of your chapter and noticed how you never really drew attention to the fact that Ranma's eyes are red instead of their standard blue when in female form. Of course, you did mention it during the first change but in a very muted way.
Question is, are his eyes blue when male still? If they are, which I'm assuming based off of word choice at the gender change, why did they change to red with the curse activation? If it's due to something enherant to his being connected to Kitsune/Kyuubi, why does it only change when he goes female instead of also having his eyes red while male?

Also, if he were to change back to male after the world transfer, would he still have the 'Kitsune aura'? Speaking of the aura, is it just because he was in contact with the Kyuubi just before waking or because he legitimately has a bond with it?

As well, it brings to mind the questions of how the ANBU could positively identify her aura as being the Kyuubi's due to multiple factors:
- It's been 10~13 years since the Kyuubi was last loose which means that the two ANBU would have to have been in their twenties or older to positively recognize the presence.
- Any time the Kyuubi is 'sensed' in the series, it's due to a great exertion of chakra or someone specifically being a sensor type. Is/Was Ranma pumping out loads of chakra at the time for them to sense this or were there physical indicators (ears/eyes) which you weren't discribing?

[LawOhki]

I just reread from the beginning of your chapter and noticed how you never really drew attention to the fact that Ranma's eyes are red instead of their standard blue when in female form. Of course, you did mention it during the first change but in a very muted way.
Question is, are his eyes blue when male still? If they are, which I'm assuming based off of word choice at the gender change, why did they change to red with the curse activation? If it's due to something enherant to his being connected to Kitsune/Kyuubi, why does it only change when he goes female instead of also having his eyes red while male?

On my copy i made it more apparent right at the start with Ryoga that Ranma had red eyes. It's for both forms although since the female one was created it got red hair as well.

Also, if he were to change back to male after the world transfer, would he still have the 'Kitsune aura'? Speaking of the aura, is it just because he was in contact with the Kyuubi just before waking or because he legitimately has a bond with it?

Ranma had the same aura because they are the same being, just with different concentrations of the same aura.

As well, it brings to mind the questions of how the ANBU could positively identify her aura as being the Kyuubi's due to multiple factors:
- It's been 10~13 years since the Kyuubi was last loose which means that the two ANBU would have to have been in their twenties or older to positively recognize the presence.
- Any time the Kyuubi is 'sensed' in the series, it's due to a great exertion of chakra or someone specifically being a sensor type. Is/Was Ranma pumping out loads of chakra at the time for them to sense this or were there physical indicators (ears/eyes) which you weren't discribing?

Ranma was first noticed due to the attempted rejoining that pumped out a lot of kyuubi chakra. Once they double checked on Naruto they found the kyuubi light, aka Ranma.

Google doc link with the most up to date version. Comments are turned on but edits are not.

Warning, there are some spoilers in the comments
https://docs.google.com/document/d/12DO ... sp=sharing

[Cheb]

‘Floor for me.’ He lamented,

About sleeping on the floor. I strongly suspect he'd find it more comfortable than sleeping on a soft bed.
Try to get used to sleeping on [hardwood floor + carpet] like me. You'll soon find there's no principial difference between it and a bed. Each way has some little advantages over the other, but that's all. I'd say, a hard surface is even more comfortable in some ways.

Since I'll be getting into Naruto

Wai So little good Ranma/Naruto crosses out there!

Okay just calm down, there is an incredibly hot red head in your bed

Ooh, the weirdest arrival into Narutoverse so far.

New ending, cut off everything from the point where Ranma starts running from the ANBU.

This one is better.

Her feet hurt because she didn’t have any shoes,

Oh, really? Is this truly Ranma? Disappointing! >:(

Is/Was Ranma pumping out loads of chakra at the time for them to sense this or were there physical indicators (ears/eyes) which you weren't discribing?

Ranma was first noticed due to the attempted rejoining that pumped out a lot of kyuubi chakra.

Also, people tend to overlook that Konoha is enclosed in a "sensor sphere". Even the wall is a perfect circle (I suspect it's there to prevent wildlife and weak intruders from creating too much false alarms). Anything that crosses the wall, and anu chakra source inside Konoha could be traced by the ninja who man the thing. No going under, no flying through the air wold let you get in unnoticed.
The sphere encompasses a part of the mountain with the Hokage monument.

[LawOhki]

About sleeping on the floor. I strongly suspect he'd find it more comfortable than sleeping on a soft bed.
Try to get used to sleeping on [hardwood floor + carpet] like me. You'll soon find there's no principial difference between it and a bed. Each way has some little advantages over the other, but that's all. I'd say, a hard surface is even more comfortable in some ways.

Hard to say what Ranma is on more. Always on a futon when at the Tendos and nothing really shown for when camping.

Wai So little good Ranma/Naruto crosses out there!

Thanks for the vote of confidence.

Oh, really? Is this truly Ranma? Disappointing! >:(

Running through a city and forest barefoot? When does Ranma actually go long periods of time running around without some kind of slipper on? Sides I like to think of Ranma as the kind of person who could spend a long time enduring something or is used to some hardship but would prefer not to or would whine endlessly if forced to.

But I will change it so it's more that Ranma's disgruntled that she's got all these rocks sticking her.

Also, people tend to overlook that Konoha is enclosed in a "sensor sphere". Even the wall is a perfect circle (I suspect it's there to prevent wildlife and weak intruders from creating too much false alarms). Anything that crosses the wall, and anu chakra source inside Konoha could be traced by the ninja who man the thing. No going under, no flying through the air wold let you get in unnoticed.
The sphere encompasses a part of the mountain with the Hokage monument.

There is that as well, but Ranma was summoned in like what Pain did. So it was up to the older generation to realize that something was up and track it down.

Oh and the inspiration for Ranma's outfit.
http://i1089.photobucket.com/albums/i34 ... 7bd113.jpg

And this is the inspiration for a little fable I'm going to try and throw in at the end of each chapter relevent to the events there with the final bit running into an epilogue.
http://i1089.photobucket.com/albums/i34 ... 8e7ca2.jpg

[ijp92]

decided to read your google doc. Here are my non-constructive comments.

First off good job making Ranma's eye color much more obvious.

A local temple to Inari was holding a martial arts tournament and festival.

The whole thing was a set-up from the beginning wasn't it?

“That was foolish.” Kaede said sadly. “You would have won.”

Kaede was pulling her punches now.

You've been vocal about how Kaede doesn't really want to be completely the plan with Ranma. While I imagine that her water dragon attack started out as a fit of anger can I assume the parts where she was trying to throw the fight were her attempting to give Ranma an out?

Happy that her joke had the intended effect, Kasumi excused herself to go check on lunch, deciding to put an unpleasantly spicy pepper on Ranma’s portion.

I forgot to comment on your characterization of Kasumi. This is much closer to canon I feel. It's not that she is never "mean" its just that Kasumi being mean is mostly pranks or teasing.

Ranma-dono lost because of a technicality.

While I can't see any of the characters mentioning it Kaede tried to make Ranma win on a technicallity too.

“A trip to another Inari shrine?” His face fell completely. Ranma had been to that place a long time ago but he had mostly forgot about it because he was seven.

How did miss this foreshadowing?!? Especially after you mentioned something Genma did.

Never noticed Kaede always padding her ears. Now I know why too.

“You’re not different-- you’re just dumb.”

After reading the whole thing through so far I've realized that Kaede's constant comments of Ranma being "different" are comparing him to the Kyuubi. Its interesting how she apparently interpreted Ranma's actions (when she mentioned Ranma lording his strength over others) when she was looking at him through her pov of Ranma is just like the Kyuubi.