Your Destiny is Annulled, Ch. 28

[Cheb]

I was hoping I'll manage to finish translating this chapter to the end of the next week.

Then, suddenly, I was bitten by a radioactive muse and translated it in one day. Not only translated, but rewrote a couple scenes made of very old low-quality material. Yes, in two languages too.

The Chapter 28

I suspect the bugs are aplenty, but... well, who am I to look a gift horse in the mouth? I'm sure radioactive muses don't happen that often

P.S. Lookit at my new article on Pascal too! With blood-curdling examples of why that programming language is a certified Grammar Nazi!

P.P.S. My two pets are at it again. (avi, 7Mb) Not so funny when this happens at three in the morning. It's a pain since the cat had leveled her jumping skill up enough to reach tops of the doors. I have to watch constantly where I put that springboard... er, mobile aircon. I move it further away, then after a week I find that the cat got better at jumping The door is all torn up with claws, too.
The pigeon is always willing to fight, though. Because he thinks He! Is! Krogan!

[LawOhki]

Akane's death is a little too matter of fact when it happened. It's fine since that's what it is, but just feels like it's missing some kind of description to make that small portion far more important.

Edit
Sewing her back together prior to ressing shouldn't be a concern cause they aren't sewing up all the organs that have been sliced, none of the nerves are going to fit perfectly together. Should just have to be touched and the magic or whatever fixes the rest.

[OSMQEP]

The chapter worked for me.

I found that there was enough foreshadowing for her getting herself killed with a stupid error.

First time I read it, I found that Ranma's ball of angst was confusing for me to read, and I think I skipped some. That may have been me reading while in poor condition, because when I read it carefully, this time, I was able to follow it.

Edit: Kipling's Secret of the Machines is one of my favorite poems. Make a slip in handling and die indeed. I also have some love for literal genies. Anyway, so be aware that this was very much the sort of thing I tend to enjoy. Especially as there are legitimate reasons Akane and Ranma aren't thinking well now, and the story doesn't look like it will be derailed by it.

LawOhki,

He might want structural strength early on to keep things near for the later processes which fix the other stuff.

[LawOhki]

LawOhki,

He might want structural strength early on to keep things near for the later processes which fix the other stuff.

Sewing up skin wouldn't really put bones and muscles back together. There's just so much going on internally that is more important for operation that some skin touching is really minor/simplistic. Maybe if they needed some kind of mud or paste that they put on both ends then shoved together.

[OSMQEP]

If being a zombie or resurrection involves enough wiggling, then minimizing the gap for a few areas might make things a bit easier and less messy. Some strength, not all of it. Certainly not enough for running and jumping and stuff, just enough to lie flat on the ground without the two halves going different directions.

[Sunshine Temple]

Queen Serenity and necromancy. Hah.

Okay, I didn't see that coming.

Also I do like the vivid metaphors you're using like "flattened like there was a hippo prancing around the hollow"

And this bit was very adorable. "Usagi is smiling in her sleep, holding the giant, half-eaten gammon tight like a pet."

I wonder if that's an effect of translation.

That said the language flowed much better compared to the starting chapters, so that's real good.

[Cheb]

And this bit was very adorable. "Usagi is smiling in her sleep, holding the giant, half-eaten gammon tight like a pet."
I wonder if that's an effect of translation.

No, that part is very, very old, from the time when I was much better at humor. I ripped it straight from the ancient 2004 version of this fic, without changes. I simply managed to translate it properly this time around

Okay, I didn't see that coming.

That's the primary purpose of this fic. To create a story that a reader couldn't predict, but at the same time minimize ass-pulls as possible.

That said the language flowed much better compared to the starting chapters,

It's an endless process. I translate something. Then, a year -- just one year -- later I look at my translation and I feel sick. "And I was caling that English?" I correct it. It looks fine. If I re-read it a year later...

for her getting herself killed with a stupid error.

It's somewhat worse, in fact. What done her in was her subconscious trust in the machine. During normal operation it should have waited switching until she pulled out of the portal plane. Maybe cutting off some of her clothing or footwear. While Ranma was distrustful of everything. He remembers that portals can cut and is wary of them since Ami's shoe back in Chapter 11 (yes, that was foreshadowing for this chapter). Still, Akane should have seen it coming, with all the weird glitches.

It's fine since that's what it is, but just feels like it's missing some kind of description to make that small portion far more important.

I'll think on it. maybe I will find some way to improve that bit before the scheduled release date (next Sunday). It has to be something small and elegant.

Kipling's Secret of the Machines

I'll look it up

Page URL: http://ranmafics.ru/fanfics/your_destin ... a28e.shtml
User comment:
would make kids stutter for fear of their lifes (this still
sounds strange, but I am not completly sure what you wanted
to write)
Context:
black lighting with empty eyes and a smile of sorts that
<!!!>make kids stuttering for life<!!!>.“Nng...?” the
deathly pale lips moaned inquiringly.“Gah!”
Browser: Firefox/25.0

Replaced it with
of the sort that leaves kids mentally scarred for life
I meant, a kid sees such a smile and he'll have a permanent spech impediment, stuttering for the rest of his life until he dies of old age.

I thank the Orphus users for the 23 corrections (26, in fact, but 3 got reported twice) and now I am posting the next chapter...

[Sunshine Temple]

And this bit was very adorable. "Usagi is smiling in her sleep, holding the giant, half-eaten gammon tight like a pet."
I wonder if that's an effect of translation.

No, that part is very, very old, from the time when I was much better at humor. I ripped it straight from the ancient 2004 version of this fic, without changes. I simply managed to translate it properly this time around

[Ahh, it still worked.
[It is weird to look back on one's older works.

Okay, I didn't see that coming.

That's the primary purpose of this fic. To create a story that a reader couldn't predict, but at the same time minimize ass-pulls as possible.

[Heh, well that worked.

That said the language flowed much better compared to the starting chapters,

It's an endless process. I translate something. Then, a year -- just one year -- later I look at my translation and I feel sick. "And I was caling that English?" I correct it. It looks fine. If I re-read it a year later...

[Sometimes space and time does the best parts for editing. As one forgets what you "meant" to say in a given scene and can only go by what's actually written.

[OSMQEP]

It's somewhat worse, in fact. What done her in was her subconscious trust in the machine. During normal operation it should have waited switching until she pulled out of the portal plane. Maybe cutting off some of her clothing or footwear. While Ranma was distrustful of everything. He remembers that portals can cut and is wary of them since Ami's shoe back in Chapter 11 (yes, that was foreshadowing for this chapter). Still, Akane should have seen it coming, with all the weird glitches.

I consider it a stupid error, because I know a little about machinery, and can be unforgiving. I consider it an understandable error, because her background wouldn't necessarily give her a suspicion of magical thinking, and due caution about machines.

I'll look it up

Assuming you haven't seen it, the other three may be new to you. Since your alma mater's name has engineer in it, I think it might be appropriate to suggest them also.

http://www.telelib.com/authors/K/Kiplin ... hines.html

http://www.telelib.com/authors/K/Kiplin ... train.html

http://www.telelib.com/authors/K/Kiplin ... artha.html

http://www.telelib.com/authors/K/Kiplin ... ppers.html

But remember, please, the Law by which we live,
We are not built to comprehend a lie,
We can neither love nor pity nor forgive,
If you make a slip in handling us you die!

[Cheb]

. It's fine since that's what it is, but just feels like it's missing some kind of description to make that small portion far more important.

Your point is valid, I feel it myself. I'll try to come with something to expand it just a tiny bit. I still have time till Sunday.

Assuming you haven't seen it,

I knew his Jungle Book since childhood (sine Kipling was one of those rare Western authors lauded for his anti-imperialistic works).
But my knowledge of his poetry was limited to the fact it exists.
He said it so well it's true even now. And will probably be true until robots become smarter than us. But then, I think, the robots will have to read it too.
Thank you.

Since your alma mater's name has engineer in it,

My specialty should have been railroad safety systems and automation, but due various reasons I never followed that path after graduation, ending up as a php programmer.
The theoretical knowledge is still there, though, if outdated.
The sheer ingenuity of it, circuits and codecs based on only super-reliable relay switches with silver and graphite contact pairs, made in such a way that any failure of any element ends with safe state of "no signal". Red light condition transmitted as no signal so that any, any malfunction causes the locomotive to react to it as a red light even if the driver is sleeping and engage brakes. Brakes held from engaging by presence of a green of yellow light signal. Brakes themselves using loss of pressure as a control mechanism so that any failure in pneumatics results in emergency braking. Hell, even such abundant fixtures as traffic lights having red light light bulbs with two filaments, with a controller sounding an alarm if one burns out.
And then two yahoos drive a track service machine not equipped with this safety mechanism, while not even looking forward. They cut a switch, hit a side of train, the machine is knocked to an adjacent track where a suburban passenger train hits it head-on, derails and crashes into swamp. Luckily, casualties were few as it was a very early hour.

Heck, I even have a nice personal experience involving a too-short gate arm, an idiot truck driver and a freight train. How did he manage get away in a nick of time, I have no idea. I was too busy running away. Barely avoided headbutting a train moving in other direction too.