Fanfiction Quotes you had to share.

[Té Rowan]

It's either this...

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/8824903/1/Broken-Shadows

...or end up quoting the whole damn fic.It's a HP/Naruto cross by sakurademonalchemist that had me chuckling a lot.

[Spokavriel]

In the same dark corner, they resumed their disguises. Ranma held his hand out to Akane. "Well, wife, what do we do now?"

"Not that, I'm afraid. We have a Shinto wedding tomorrow. You're supposed to be abstinent the day before a Shinto ceremony." Akane made a small face.

"There's abstinence – and then, there's abstinence. I don't think Shinto says anything about ice cream." Ranma was willing to look at the silver lining for one more day.

"Ice cream is a kami, with a powerful influence on human affairs."

"Let's go to the temple of the ice-cream kami, then, and worship." Ranma Saotome took Akane Saotome by the hand, and the two began heading for Sakura, in Shinjuku. That place was strong in the ways of the Cream.

[Neko-]

I was expecting a Skuld reference to pop in there

[PCHeintz72]

I was expecting a Skuld reference to pop in there

Heh... cue evil laugh #64. Then how about the following snippets:

OK, not easy enough. “I need milk and sugar to stay awake.”

“Ohhh, why didn’t you say so?” Ranma replied as comprehension finally began to dawn on him. “Well if that’s the case then you’ve got to try some of this.” He said as he plopped a bowl of ….. feces in front of Skuld.

Or at least that’s what it looked like to her. “Oh, what an interesting …. food? This is. But you know I really should be getting back.” Trying to stand up Skuld was stopped by Ranma’s hurt voice.

“What, but I just thought that you’d like some ice cream since it’s made from milk an sugar. It’s really good and its chocolate too, see.” and so saying Ranma dug his spoon into the brown mass and ate a messy spoon full, leaving chocolate smudges all around his mouth.

“Um, yeah, I’m sure it is.” Skuld replied looking at the …. substance before her. It was brown like feces and it was swirled into pile that looked like feces, it’s only saving grace as far as Skuld was concerned was that it didn’t smell anything like feces. “Um, maybe a later?”

“Pleeeeeaase?”

Looking into Ranma’s pleading eyes Skuld again found her self unable to escape. ‘Darn it, how does a BOY manage to look so cute?’ she wondered, only girls were supposed to be able to use the dreaded puppy dog eyes attack!

Seeing no other way out Skuld relented, “Alright, alright, just one taste, but then I really have to go, OK?”

Steeling herself she took a tiny dip into the dripping mess with her spoon and slowly brought it up to her lips. ‘Please don’t taste bad, please don’t taste bad, please don’t taste bad’ she silently prayed in her head as she hesitantly opened her mouth.

*Gulp*

“… Uh Skuld, you OK there?” Ranma was beginning to get worried. It had actually been a few seconds since the young Vanir had taken her first bite of ice cream and she hadn’t said a thing since. She just sort sat there with the spoon in her mouth. But he really began to worry when Skuld began to shake, a little at first but with greater intensity as time went on. When her teeth began to imbed them selves into the metal of the spoon like she was trying to eat the spoon its self he knew something had to be wrong.

“Hey, um you want me ta get a doc”

“Its so soo so so soooooooOOOOOOOoooooooooOOOOOooooooOOOOOOO GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD!!!!!!”

Falling back Ranma watched in staggered horror as the delicate looking little girl suddenly attacked the bowl of chocolate ice cream with a primal cry of savagery. Tools and evolution were forgotten as she devoured her sweet sustenance, hands clawing at the bowl and teeth digging into the soft mass. Sucking on her fingers before turning back to the bowl to lick any stray molecules that may have escaped the great consumption, Skulds’ wild and frantic eyes swung around drunkenly before coming to rest upon Ranma’s chocolate smeared mouth.

“MORE!!”

***
Hotaru couldn’t wait to reach the cafeteria. According to her father a new girl around her age was supposed to be there, not only that but several others had seen her Ranma headed there as well. Blushing at the thought that Ranma was hers Hotaru giggled. That was silly of course, she certainly didn’t mind when Ranma was near her, his very presence seemed to fill her with a warmth that infused her very being, but it wasn’t like they LIKED liked each other like so many of the Jaffa here on Refuge seemed to think. After all it would still be years before she had to think about such things, and until then she was more than happy with the way things were. She and Ranma had all the time in the world to explore their feelings with nothing else (other than the G’ould) to get in the way. For the time being she could just concentrate on being a girl and making more friends.

Stepping into the cafeteria she was immediately aware though that there was something amiss. Several people were near the door looking towards one of the tables near the back. Curious and wary of any new dangers Hotaru quickly made her way inside to see what was the matter. There standing on one of the tables was a wild looking being swinging her head back and forth as if looking for something before coming to rest on something just out of Hotaru’s line of sight. With a savage cry the figure lunged forward to some helpless victim just as Hotaru was rushing forward, already transforming into her Senshi form.

***
“Gyah!” Ranma had suddenly found Skuld looming over him, his confusion giving the young girl all the time she needed to strike. Grabbing both sides of Ranma’s head she brutally began to lick the mess from around Ranma’s mouth. Not satisfied with these meager helpings she peered into Ranma’s dazed and stunned face looking for more of her precious meal. Seeing nothing forthcoming Skuld lunged forward to the only place left that might contain some more ice cream to feed her burning need. Thrusting her tongue deep within Ranma’s mouth Skuld began to probe and vacuum clean any and every corner of the Saotome heir’s mouth seeking her prize.

*Clang*

Dropping her silence glaive Hotaru could only stare in horror at the scene before her. No, it couldn’t be true. It was more horrible then she could have ever imagined. Some, some, some space beast was assaulting Ranma! And worse yet it was claiming Ranma’s sweet lips! She was supposed to be the one to, with Ranma, to get to let him , to be… Unable to fully come to grips with what she was witnessing Hotaru instead grabbed the silence glaive and leveled it at the monster before her.

“Halt!!! Dear Ranma’s lips are only for his fiancée and are not to be claimed by some vile soul sucking beast like your self! Release him at once or in the name of Saturn I will beat you to a bloody pulp!” It wasn’t her normal speech but this thing was asking for it!

Looking up Skuld grabbed Ranma in a head lock, pressing his head tightly against her chest. Let him go, wonderful Ranma bringer of ICE CREAM? This little girl wanted her to release him before he could even tell her where to get more her needed frozen ambrosia? “Never! You’ll have to pry him from my cold dead fingers first!” Skuld screeched. Pushing Ranma behind her she reached into her coat and drew one of her patented Skuld bombs with her left hand while her right easily swung her mallet up to bear.

and later:

Skuld could only look in morbid fascination at the screen in front of her. A security camera in the cafeteria had been close by Ranma and her position and had recorded the whole event.

“Oh Skuld, Ranma already has a fiancée, if you really liked him like that you really should have spoken to Hotaru first or let him know your feelings in a bit more subtle manner.”

“Urk!”

“Bwahahahahahahaha!!! Dang little sister, I didn’t know you had it in you! Wow, look at that! Take my advice kiddo; if you’re going to be holding boys against your chest like that it helps if you’ve got a bit more to hold them up against. But don’t worry, big sis Urd can whip up some potions to help you out in that area!”

“AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!”

Turning to her older sister Belldandy gently admonished her. “Really Urd, you shouldn’t say such things, she’s still too young! And maybe we’re looking at this the wrong way; maybe it’s all just a misunderstanding. After all you acted rather oddly when you first came in contact with midgar drinks. I’m sure Skuld just wasn’t thinking straight and overreacted. Isn’t that right Skuld dear?”

Latching on to her sister like a drowning man to a life preserver Skuld yelled out “YES! That’s it! Just wasn’t thinking straight and overreacted! Thank you Bell, I knew I could count on you to understand!”

“I don’t know Bell,” Urd replied pulling out a book, “ever since the guys here forbade me from helping out their love lives I’ve been doing a bit of reading and have come across some really interesting things about the mind.”

“Oh?” Belldandy asked looking over to Urds’ copy of Freudian Psychology.

“Yeah, and for the most part it only confirms what I’ve always believed about people. Everyone is basically controlled by their desires and everything else is just the higher parts of the brain rationalizing their actions. It’s amazing really how these humans have been able to advance this far in the field of the mind.”

and later:

“Um, hello everyone, I’m sorry to bother you all, I just wanted to make sure that Ranma was alright. We came as soon as we heard.”

A bit surprised and confused by Hotaru’s actions Ranma weakly grinned at the Vanir, “Uh hey Skuld, um, how are you?”

Looking down and trying to hide her blush Skuld began to rethink her plan. It had all seemed too simple at first, but upon seeing Ranma her treacherous memories decided then partially re-appear. One glance at him and Skuld suddenly knew exactly how his lips felt and could accurately describe exactly the flavor of his tongue. Thrusting those memories into the pit from which they crawled, Skuld steeled her self for what she had originally planned to do. “Ranma Saotome, son of Genma Saotome, I Skuld of the Vanir have done onto you a great dishonor, I have shamed both you and myself and would like to pay unto you retribution.”

Once again rubbing the back of his head Ranma tried to figure what the other girl was talking about. From her position Hotaru also tried to see any deceit within the girls’ words.

Continuing Skuld announced, “I cannot join you or your team, but I would like to give onto you full access to my self. Should any of you have need of me, should it be Ms.Uzuki with a new piece of technology, Hotaru with alien culture, or should you need my guidance, I wish to aid you in every way possible. In short Ranma Saotome, I wish to sell you my body.”

“Oh my god! Hotaru you can’t faint now, she’s making her move!”

“Urk!!”

“Get me 250cc’s of adrenaline! He’s having another seizure!”

“Woohoo! Let’s hear it for Freudian Slips!”

Taking in the scene before her, from Minako trying desperately to awaken a comatose Hotaru to Urd dancing in the back Belldandy turned to her confused sister. “Skuld dear, on this planet they usually say ‘I’ll work for you’.”

“Oh, is that how it goes? So ummm, what I said, it basically means the same thing here as back home right, RIGHT SIS?”

Sighing once more Belldandy calmly leaned forward towards Skuld and gathered her in a hug. “Well, not exactly, you see what you just said was ....”

One hundred and seventeen floors up, past and equal number of granite and steel reinforced concrete barriers, the guards outside of Cheyenne Mountain were startled when a single horrified shriek pierced the cool night air.

“EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE KKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

The above are all from a side track of an AA thread called 'No Tendo' with Ranma meeting Skuld and offering to her a first taste of ice scream. Episodes: 162979, 163061, 164057, 164062.
R-AA 'No Tendo' by Multiple - [Dld Date=12/08/2012] - [Dld Size=2904kb] - [Dld Files=361] - [Status=Not Complete]

• [Direct] http://addventure.bast-enterprises.de/f ... g=No+Tendo

[ckosacranoid]

that last post from no tendo wasx very funny to say the least......skuld offering herself to ranma......when she meant to say something else......hahahhahahahah

[Spica75]

Hotaru took a seat, blushing slightly at the attention. She kept running into problems in the school system elsewhere, but then her guardians had heard of Furinkan. Weird stuff was always happening at Furinkan so little Hotaru's tendency to go healing someone or producing her Silence Glaive during class when she was really nervous or mosquitos trying to draw her blood suddenly going poof in a little burst of energy would probably be par for the course. "The nail that sticks out gets pounded down." From the stories of Furinkan Senior High School, Hotaru wouldn't stand out at all.

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/557133/21/A ... l-Of-Omake

[Noy Telinú]

"Augh! Jesus!" Tsukune shouted, pushing himself up against the furious protests of his body. His breath was weakening even as his lungs demanded air, and his head spun from the impact mixing with the psychic poison of the alien horror.

"Moka! No!" His eyes managed to focus enough to see the illuminated hole in the wall... which wasn't so much a hole anymore, since it was more than five meters wide and seemed to have carved out the entire wall of the room on the other side. A huge, dark shape obscured much of the light coming from the room's overhead lights, casting a terrifying shadow that slowly advanced through the room, despite the fact that it now had enough space to move almost unimpeded.

Tsukune could feel it... Moka's vampiric blood, rushing to his head, raging in response to the desperate fear of the Tyranid's psychic aura. It demanded action, demanded blood, and as it beckoned to him, Tsukune embraced it, for in his desperation the power offered by insanity and ghoulhood would have to do.

'Even if she's not the Moka I know, even if I might die here as an insane monster, I can't just let her die! I WON'T!' he screamed in his head, feeling the rush of heat as darkness and hate overwhelmed him.

And then, suddenly, he felt a hand touch his shoulder, and the pain, the rage, and the howling bloodlust all instantly drained away.

Confused, frightened, and just a bit disappointed, Tsukune glanced backward to see what had happened, and who had intruded upon his desperate gambit.

The smiling, curly-bearded face of Jesus Christ stared down at him, smiling warmly. "You called?"

http://fanfiction.net/s/8084013/4/ Big Human On Campus after school chapter 4

[Té Rowan]

That quote from "No Tendo" reminded me of ChasChas's fic, "Stallion", where the Senshi, the three Norns, Tenchi, Sasami and Ranma wind up in one small ice cream shop. "Never in the history of Man has so much power been crammed into so little space."

"Waiii!" cheered Nodoka. "And here I was fearing that you'd turned impotent like your father!"

"Kinda explains why she's so focused on her son being manly," speculated Nabiki out loud.

[Té Rowan]

Setsuna supressed the chill down her back as best she could, and frowned mightily. "This may be a problem...."

"What?" Rei asked, scowling as her concern rose. "What is it?"

"Something registered in the time stream."

"Something threatening?"

"Something stupid. Very stupid," the Senshi of Time sighed, wondering if a sensation was enough reason to buy a case of Tylenol.

I'm not sure Tylenol is strong enough to deal with this headache.

[Neko-]

The tylenol comment reminded me of 'Stop F$@king With The Future, by The Eternal Lost Lurker. Can't find the link (Google doesn't turn up the story anywhere ), but have the story locally on HDD (all 16 kBytes of it).

*SHOOM*

A telephone booth slammed into the mists, crackling with electricity. Two grungy-looking teenage boys stepped out. "Whoa, this place is like, acid-trip city," the dark-haired of the two said.

His companion nodded. "Way weird." He then noticed Pluto. "Dude! Check the BABE!"

"Excellent!"

The Guardian of Time's left eye twitched.

"Hey, baaaabe, is this, like, England? We wanna find some place called Stonehang or something..."

Pluto felt her headache returning. "Please explain how two imbeciles like you managed to travel to the Gates of Time. Before I throw you back wherever you came from."

The two boys looked at one another for a long moment.

"Gates of Time?" the blonde asked.

"Dude, did you EVER dial the wrong number," the other replied.

And Pluto longed for a bottle of Tylenol...

And as to the premisse of the story (for those that haven't seen it):

The best way to avoid a massive clusterfuck would be to say that, to at least one part of the world, it was 1:20am on October 27, 1985, when one of the biggest headaches Sailor Pluto had ever experienced began. As was typical of a being whose existence reaches all points in time simultaneously, her headache reached in both directions along the timeline, and only grew worse the further into the past it went.

And it all started with a shaggy mutt and a heavily modified sports car.

I'll leave it to your imagination to work out what the heck the writer was thinking when he started this little one-shot gem

[Té Rowan]

Ranma never knew where that chi attack came from. Somehow, she thought she never would. But she would never forget it.

“DIVINE RETRIBUTION!!!”

ZAKK.

As Kuno twitched from the chi-forged lightning, Ranma settled down to the ground, and muttered, “Funny, I feel a lot better. Hey, Mom, Akane, why are you in the trees?”

“Um… we were looking for birds nests dear. For decoration. Right, Akane-chan?”

“Oh, right, hai, that’s the ticket. Um… can we go home now?”

Kenko's "Girl Days" -- as if there are many other places it could have come from...

[Crimson Vixen]

this lil bit...

"Lets see, today's missions will be; pulling weeds from Mrs. Honoka's garden, re-painting the ninja academy, babysitting-'

"No!" All eyes swung towards the blonde genin who had the gall to defy the Hokage.

"And why not?" The Hokage asked, a bemused expression on his face, while his guards seriously considered throwing the blonde nuisance out the window.

"We're ninja, not boy scouts! What's the point in us training if we never put it to use? Come on, give a good one" The blonde genin demanded.

'Geez, that Naruto, how annoying'

'But I'm soo bored with these crappy d-ranks anyway'

'For once, I agree with the dobe'

'I figured it was time for something like this' Kakashi sighed.

"Look, Naruto-kun, you and you're team are still just genin, the most we ever give genin are c-rank, and even then only the more advanced. You only recently became genin so d-rank are best suited for you" The aged Hokage explained.

"Ojii-san-bayo, if I have to do anymore d-rank missions, I think I'm going to have to get Naruko to improve team morale during missions-ttebayo" Naruto whined, causing the Sandaime's eyes to widen. Previously, when he had Naruto fill out the info sheet for his infamous 'Oiroke no Jutsu', he'd learned Naruto's name for his air-clad creation.

'He wouldn't dare use her in public would he? No, this is Naruto we're talking about, of course he would. It would be disastrous if word got out that I was forcing young girls to do manual labour naked for minimum pay, and that's just one way of looking at it, I'm sure that kid could think of something much, much worse. Bah, whatever happened to 'don't negotiate with terrorists'?' The Sandaime sighed before tenting his hands together.

"Well, if the situation is truly that drastic…I'll give you a c-rank mission then." The Sandaime smiled at the surprise of the blonde's team and sensei.

'He…he actually got the Hokage to give in?'

Followed later on by...

"So, Naruto…who's this 'Naruko' person you mentioned? Is she a friend of yours?" Sakura asked, finally having conceded that perhaps Sasuke didn't want to talk to her at this exact moment.

"Well…you could say that. Kakashi-sensei seemed to-"

"Naruto, what have I told you about revealing too much information?" The Hatake cut in, eager to preserve his reputation.

"Yeah, yeah, well anyhow-!-" He paused suddenly as he got an idea.

'It has been a while since I last pranked him…'

'And as far as males go he isn't that bad…'

"Hey Sasuke-teme, you wanna meet Naruko?"

"Why would I want to meet one of you're stupid friends?" The dark haired youth retorted. He turned to continue walking when he suddenly felt the hairs on the back of his neck standing on end.

'Something…terrible is about to happen!'

'poof'

The boy stiffened as a pair of long, dainty, feminine arms slinked around his neck.

"But Sasuke-sama, you need to try new things…like…me" The voice was quiet, sweet, and above all enticing, if anything the last Uchiha was having difficulty remembering to breathe, let alone think, but eventually, a thought got through.

'That's…still…Naruto!!!!'

"Gah! Dobe, get the hell off me!!!" In a fit of rage, he grabbed the lithe girl and hurled her to the ground. Panting at the sudden exertion he glared at the boy…girl…person.

"Ohh…Sasuke-sama like it rough? Sasuke-sama's panting just looking at my body…I'm so embarrassed" Naruko sat, knees pressed against her chest in a feeble attempt to hide her ample 'assets'.

"Dobe…I. Will. Kill You!!" The Uchiha roared, beginning the handseals for his Housenka no Jutsu.

'poof'

"Mou, Mou, Sasuke-kun's so tetchy" Naruko grumbled, standing up and brushing herself off, now donning the infamous orange jump-suit of her male counterpart.

"Naruto-baka!!" The girl narrowly avoided a fury filled punch from her pink-haired teammate.

"It's Naruko! Naruko!" The blonde demanded. "It feels weird to refer to myself as a guy like this" She explained, patting her chest for emphasis.

"Have you no shame?" The kunoichi demanded, grabbing the girl by the collar and lifting her up.

"Uwaah, just because you're afraid of a little experimentation" She pouted; only to have it change into a look of terror as she realised her teammate was serious.

"Ah, come on Salkura-chan, it was just a joke, come on…don't hurt me-eeeeeh" Her protests went unheard as the pink-haired Nin hurled him into a nearby tree, dispelling the technique upon impact.

"Itai-itai-itai" He groaned, staggering to get up. He fell back down when he caught sight of his two teammates bearing down on him, murder in their eyes.

"Any last words, dobe?"

"Just…one…it was…worth it" He grinned, only to vanish in a puff of smoke.

"Kage Bunshin? When did he-?"
'He must have switched with one he had nearby when he hit the tree'

"Ne, Kakashi-sensei, do you think I'd look cuter in a miniskirt, or in hotpants?" The real blonde asked the silver-haired jounin.

"Naruto, I honestly can not believe you just asked me that question"

"Well?"

"Miniskirt, definitely" The Jounin said, his face deadpanned. Sasuke and Sakura, who had caught up behind them, involuntarily shuddered.

'Oh, he did not just say that'

'Gah, our sensei really is some kind of a freak, first the ass-poke now this!!'

This. In All that I am XXfox demon human meXX By Avatarofrage

[Té Rowan]

“Ami is what!?” yelled several girls, two moon cats and one man upon hearing of Ami’s condition and the real reason for why she left. Only two people did not blurt out. One had long black hair and was the one telling the story. The other was a pre-teen girl with pink hair visiting from the future. Three, if you count a green-haired senshi who happened to be missing from the senshi meeting at the Hikawa Shrine. She was gleefully grinning back at her Time Gates.

Usagi couldn’t believe Ami was pregnant. All this time she had thought she would be the first among the senshi to bear a child, even if it was that annoying little sprout.

Mamoru had similar feelings to that of Usagi…of being a father, mind you, not being pregnant.

From "Aftermath" by Lord Strife.

[ckosacranoid]

'Stop F$@king With The Future, by The Eternal Lost Lurker
someone just had to post this story in this tread and please let me get a copy of it. it sounds werid enough to really get fuuny to read......

[ijp92]

Feeling bored so I'm going to throw out some quotes from Nemesis II.

Ranma sighed. "Look, a part of me would like nothing more than to go and... well, you know... but the rest of me knows that I really don't need that kind of a distraction right now."
K shrugged. "The rest of the guys don't seem to let it bother them."
"And THAT'S why they're throwing knives at big chunks of wood, whereas I'm setting things on fire with my mind." Ranma explained condescendingly.
The metadragon winced. "Touche..."