Anime, Scifi, Fantasy Fan and Original Fiction
by Questara » Mon Feb 26, 2007 7:44 pm
“WAH!” cried Soun. “MY DAUGHTER’S A BLOOD-HUNGRY MONSTER! DON’T WORRY, BABY! DADDY’LL GET YOU SOME MORE BLOOD!” he proclaimed, pulling out a small tanto. He held it to his arm for a moment, before pointing it at Genma. “SAOTOME, SPARE SOME BLOOD FOR MY DAUGHTER!”
SPLASH! [Panda blood is yucky to vampires,] said the sign.
by Questara » Tue Feb 27, 2007 9:49 pm
Kankuro frowned in annoyance, showing a rare display of courage he walked up to his brother.
“Listen bro, just because you got a cranky demon inside you and the fact that there’s someone who you couldn’t beat here that you wannna kill in this forest doesn’t mean you decide what we do. If you think we’re gonna follow you inside this forest any longer so you can kill him, you-”
Gaara turned around and gave his brother one of his infamous glares destroying whatever courage Kankuro had.
“You are absolutely right! I just love this forest! Full of wild animals and ninjas that would kill us without a second thought. You’re the boss we can spend the entire rest of our lives here if you wanted us too! Let’s go Temari, Gaara wants to go kill someone!” Said Kankuro quickly changing his attitude.
by Questara » Tue Mar 13, 2007 3:43 pm
Buffy Summers sat on a couch watching Angel and Xander spar. Xander was all decked out in white clothes that almost glowed in the light and and Angel was dressed in his usual black. The two were almost playful as they threw punches and kicks, gliding around the mats.
She couldn't help but be a little distracted by Willow's neon pink tutu, but it didn't matter since she couldn't speak Latin anyways.
She was a little shocked that Drusilla was sharing her popcorn with everyone but she figured that anyone wearing such a great blouse with the ash gray slacks she had on couldn't be all bad.
by Siden » Tue Mar 27, 2007 10:45 pm
No Pants no Jutsu was created as a joke by a young kunoichi for the sole purpose of humiliating her lecherous sensei. Every time they were in public and he made a perverse comment, she’d use No Pants no Jutsu to embarrass him. Basically, the jutsu is a watered-down shunshin no jutsu so you move very fast over a short distance and remove your target’s pants (or yank them around his ankles). The same kunoichi, when she got older, found a much better use for it (wink, wink, nudge, nudge, heheh). Naruto just wanted to see the look on people’s faces as they were rendered indecent
by Questara » Thu Mar 29, 2007 4:46 pm
Xander slid over a large glass of the red fluid and then watched the being - recognizing him for who he really was.
Then he got an idea.
"Hey, Alucard." The vampire shifted his orange sunglass stare from his drink to Xander. "You wanna know what the Dracula of this world did?"
The main door to Nights exploded outward into the cold Cleveland street as the furious no-life king stomped outwards, turned into a flock of bats, and headed straight for Transylvania - to the demon-fortified castle where the soulless vampire Dracula sulked ever since encountering Buffy. The door pieces twitched then suddenly reassembled themselves back into a unbroken door as Willow's self-repair spell kicked in. Even though the anti-violence wards kept breakage to a minimum, that spell did save tons of money on glassware and plates.
Xander just leaned back and relaxed, a broad smile on his face.
"No one makes me a bug-eating butt-monkey and gets away with it." He mumbled to himself, imagining all the things that would soon happen during the rest of Dracula's now vastly shortened un-life. "I guess that's one problem solved."
by camk4evr » Sat Mar 31, 2007 2:55 am
“It says here Jun is the princess’ attendant.” Sasuke scowled.
“Yes.” the scowl deepened.
“Which means that Jun is a girl.”
“Yes.” the nerve above Sasuke’s left eye started twitching.
“Why am I playing a girl?”
“Because you’re the only one the costume fits.” The twitching got worse.
“Are you saying I’m built like a girl?”
“No.” Miharu said. “I’m saying you look like a girl.”
Three…two…one…
“I’LL KILL YOU!”
by Atlan » Mon Apr 02, 2007 4:42 am
"Statement: I am deeply surprised to see Female Shan alive, today…”
“Why so, HK?” Bastila asked, waiting for the worst she knew would come.
“Explanation: I am ordered to guard Master Revan at all times. Last night, as I was standing at the door to the storage room of our base, I heard you scream aloud several times.”
Bastila was already bright red, but HK carried on.
“Continuing: I presumed Master was killing you, rather painfully I might add, so I chose to allow it to happen.”
“HK…” Bastila started, only to be interrupted by the droid.
“That was, of course, until I heard Master scream as well. I quickly entered the room to see that he was on top of you, and you had your fingernails were deeply scratching his back. I presumed, of course, that Master was chocking the life out of your diminished body. Disappointed Statement: I was wrong…”
“HK, did you mention this to anyone?” Revan asked, as red as Bastila.
“Unbelieving Reply: And ruin your alibi? Master, I am insulted…”
“If you ever mention this anyone, and I do mean anyone, you’ll become a really temperamental Espresso machine, do you understand me?”
“Query: Is it an evil Espresso machine?”
by Neko- » Mon Apr 02, 2007 9:50 am
+Target: Yakata, Ken.
Codename: Snake.
Rank: Lieutenant.
Species: human.
Class: commando grade S.
Weapons specialization: all modern ballistic, missile, and explosive weapons.
Special abilities: none, if one doesn't consider his uncanny ability to place explosives without anyone ever noticing superhuman. Snake's finely honed skills, extensive experience, and expert marksmanship doesn't seem to surpass anything considered strictly "human," yet the man continues to emerge from engagements unscathed where entire squads of other men would have swiftly perished.
Weakness: hippies, peace.+
Still smirking, he planted the Pancor Jackhammer firmly into the nosferatu's mouth, and his hand tightened around the trigger.
"Not that I want to ruin this dramatic moment," Ranma interrupted, "but a shotgun blast in the mouth might not do him in, and we're all gonna look really lame if he gets up again and we have to find a wooden spike to put through his heart or something."
Snake considered this silently for a moment. Then his hand slipped upward off the stock of the weapon, and he switched it to "full auto."
"Yeah, I think that'll do it."
BA-BA-BA-BA-BA-BLAM!!
Ranma sighed. "Okay, okay, I'll... wait... blows in four minutes?"
"Yeah. 'Cause, you know, that's when the bombs explode," Snake deadpanned.
"You mean, more garlic bombs?"
"No, I thought I'd try a light oregano explosive this time," the American said sarcastically. "Maybe with some parmesan mines to kick it up a notch?"
"You didn't tell us you set more bombs!"
"You really should have figured that out on your own."
"Dammit, Snake!"
"Better get moving."
by Cyber_Skaarj » Tue Apr 03, 2007 12:37 pm
The longhaired girl fluidly acquired eight more knives, somewhat thinner than the others, and placed them between each of her fingers.
She held her hands up, poised to strike.
Soun walked in and leaned against the wall, smiling at his daughter proudly. "Ah, there you are!"
The teenage girl instinctively whipped around toward the noise and threw her weapons.
*Th-Thud!*
"Ah… Rei?" Soun asked, glancing nervously to the throwing knives stuck in the wall behind him, which perfectly outlined his head.
Rei held a hand to her mouth in embarrassment. "Oh! I'm sorry, Father. You surprised me."
"I'll never do it again," Soun promised emphatically, unmoving against the wall.
by lwf58 » Tue Apr 03, 2007 12:55 pm
Cyber_Skaarj wrote:From "Going At It Like Rabbits!!!" by Benjamin A. Oliver
by Heaven's Deamon » Tue Apr 03, 2007 3:59 pm
Peter set his luggage down, and sat down on one of the beds. “Oh, brother...one night on this thing is probably about all I can take.” he muttered. With that, he flopped back down onto the bed...
...and a distinct sproing! sound cut the silence.
“AAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!” Peter yelped, as the bed promptly flipped itself back into the closet, taking Peter with it.
“Pete! Pete, are you okay?!” Clark exclaimed, rushing to the closet.
“The really sad part,” Peter groaned, “is that this is actually more comfortable than lying on that bed.”
Clark suppressed a chuckle, as he grabbed the underside of the bed, pulling it back down to the floor. “You okay?”
Clark put his book aside, before removing all but his white t-shirt and boxers, making sure to keep his inducer on. “‘Night, Pete.” he replied, getting into his own bed, and switching off his light.
Sproing!
“AAAAAAHHHHHH!!!” both Clark and Peter yelled, as their beds both spontaneously flipped into the wall-closets, trapping them both there.
“Hey, Pete?” Clark called, his voice muffled through the closet.
“Yeah?”
“You were right. This is more comfortable than just lying on that bed.”
by Darth Thanatos » Tue Apr 03, 2007 8:08 pm
This also happens to be the basic setup of the story. The general tone, though, is more in the line of Kachiko's first err... clash with Akane's fiancee.DB Sommer wrote:The staccato tapping of Kachiko Tendou’s fingertips playing across the wood of the dining room table filled the air. She sat lackadaisically, slouching slightly, projecting an air of lassitude that was only contradicted by the half-lidded, and highly suspicious, stare that was directed towards the two girls seated on the opposite side of the table.
Then all four fingers struck the table at once and remained there, signaling an end to the waiting. A soft whoosh of air was exhaled, and Kachiko’s posture straightened slightly. “So let me get this straight. You somehow got this wish granting ability?” She pointed to Akane. “You wished your mother hadn’t been in a car accident which killed her. A noble sentiment, I suppose. However, the result of this wish was that I get plucked out of time and thrown over twenty years into the future, where I get to meet the two of you, who it just so happens, are my children, one of whom is older than I am now.”
Akane shifted uncomfortably. “Well, it’s a bit simplified, but yes, that’s pretty much what happened.”
Kasumi nodded her head in agreement.
Kachiko leaned over the table and close to the girls. “Tell me something, don’t you think I would be a bit insulted at being told such a stupid lie? I mean, come on, you’ve not only got magic, but time travel paradoxes thrown in there as well. What sort of sucker is going to believe that?”
“But it’s true!” Kasumi insisted.
“Ha!” Kachiko slammed her hand down on the table, not hard enough to crack it, but with enough force to make it shake. “Oh please, changing some of the furniture around in my house is not going to make me fall for this pathetic lie. Especially since all of the new stuff you used is incredibly tacky. Don’t you people believe in bright colors? You’re as drab as my parents.”
“We can prove this is the future, and you’re our mother,” Akane said.
“Sure you can. Why, this place is teeming with signs that it’s the future,” Kachiko said dramatically, rising to her feet and entering the kitchen. She gazed in awe at her surroundings. “Look at all this futuristic equipment. Ohh, a microwave. And what’s that? Why it’s a stove. Obviously the design must be good, since it looks exactly like the same one that’s been here since before World War II. And is that… could it be… oh my god! It’s an object that produces cold so that food will last longer. It must be what sci-fi writers call a refrigerator! I am in the future! Oh my!” Her eyes rolled into the back of her head, and she gave a soft cry before sagging to the floor.
DB Sommer wrote:“What’s all this racket about?” A different voice asked from the doorway where Soun had entered only minutes before.
Kachiko was about to bellow out a general condemnation about clobbering the next pervert that dared to enter the room when her eyes alighted on the speaker and the words floated out of her mind and into the void beyond.
Upon hearing the shouting, Ranma had entered the room fully expecting the typical scene of carnage and confusion. Instead he found himself looking at Akane, who had mysteriously gained narrower hips. It took him a second to look more closely at the face and realize, “Hey, you aren’t Akane.”
Kachiko sauntered forward. “Damn straight I’m not. My name is Kachiko, but I insist you call me Kachi.” She stood next to Ranma and looked deeply into his eyes. “And what’s your name?”
Confronted with someone who looked so much Akane, but was looking at him in a way Akane definitely did not, confused him enough that he stumbled over his words as he spoke. “I’m, ah, Ranma Saotome.”
“And what brings you here?” Kachiko asked. “Besides your feet,” she added.
“I, ah, live here.” It was almost said as a question.
Kachiko all but purred, “Well, well, well. It looks like there’s hope for the future yet.”
Collecting some of his senses, Ranma got out, “What’s that supposed to me-umph!” The rest of his words were smothered as Kachiko’s lips pressed against his.
Ranma’s eyes widened in shock at the move. Kasumi covered her mouth in surprise while Nabiki merely shook her head.
Akane had the most profound response as she shouted, “Ranma! How dare you kiss my mother like that!”
Ranma darted his lips away from Kachiko’s and gestured wildly with his hands while shouting, “I did not kiss her! She kissed m… did you say she’s your mother?”
“Actually, I didn’t kiss anyone. I jus’ lost my balance since the room’s spinning so much,” Kachiko explained as she slid down Ranma and all but pooled onto the floor at his feet. “I feel dizzy and nauseous. I think I’m suffering from the side effects of time travel.”
“You’re suffering from the side effects of pounding down a whole bottle of sake,” Nabiki stated coolly.
Kachiko snorted, “Ha! I’ll have you know I’ve drank entire bottles of sake before and been perfectly fine. Observe.” The young girl rose effortlessly to her feet and stood as rigidly as a tree.
Nabiki walked over and tapped a single finger against her mother’s chest. Kachiko proceeded to fall over and land with a thud, just like a tree that had been chopped down. “Didn’t drink any of them all at once, did you?” she said to the girl on the floor.
“A minor detail that escaped my notish,” Kachiko slurred. “Ranma, help me to my bed, would you?”
Seeing what terrible shape the girl was in, Ranma did as he was requested by picking her up in his arms. “Um, which bed are you sleeping in?”
“Yours will do,” she said groggily.
“And where do I sleep?”
“Don’t be shilly. It’s your bed. You’ll be sleeping in it too,”
“She’ll be sleeping in my room,” Akane said in no uncertain terms. “I’m responsible for her being here, so it’s the least I can do until we get things sorted out.”
In a completely bewildered voice, Ranma asked, “Um, exactly what is going on here?” as the girl in his arms began singing, “I’m not very dead; I’m just very happy,” extremely off key.
Akane shook her head at the scene. “First, we put her to bed, then we’ll get to the explanations. It’s going to be a long and confusing one this time, even for around here.”
Ranma groaned in surrender.
by bissek » Wed Apr 04, 2007 6:46 pm
"It's Soun's - "
"and Genma's -"
"Operation Switch Hitch!"
Nabiki got up. "I'm going to my room to finish my homework and go to bed. If sanity shows up at some point, you can page me."
"You have a pager, Nabiki?" Kasumi asked.
Nabiki rolled her eyes, hung her head, and trudged towards the stairs. "Adopted. I must have been adopted. It's the only explanation..."
"So, Ranma, you're really into the martial arts? What style do you practice?" asked Asuka.
"Anything Goes Style of Indiscriminate Grappling," replied Ranma.
"Sounds kinda kinky,"
When the motorcycle finally came to a stop in front of the dojo, Ranma knew something was wrong.
New hole in the roof. Fathers lugging a chunk of ice off somewhere. Tatewaki Kuno laughing maniacally about an impending triumph. Kasumi wandering around in a little daze. Last time he checked it wasn't Saturday, so for this to happen during the week...
"Hmmmm," hmmmed Ranma.
"She's being uncooperative," said Number Six.
"That will change," said Gaia. "Is it ready yet?"
"Epithemus reports that the site is as advertised and has sent a container of the substance to experiment with. It will arrive in four hours," stated Rhea.
"We shall begin using alternative methods to soften her up then," said Gaia. "Begin with fluctuations in the temperature of her cell, use subliminal tape #4."
"Isn't that the repeating loop with 'It's a Small World After All' music being the audible portion?" asked Number Six.
Gaia nodded.
Number Six shuddered, glad it wasn't her.
The winged monkey ("Spring Of Drowned Ape Dancing With A Duck While Wearing A Fez And Glittery Vest, very strange if tragic story about accordion player's trained monkey happen 90 year ago") saluted and began sniffing around for the trail of the ferret.
"You know, Rhea, this has possibilities," said Gaia, seeing a vision of hundreds of winged fez-wearing monkey-boys flying off to avenge the planet.
"I can think of a few more converts to make," said Rhea with a gleam in her eye. "May I be excused to go make minions?"
Azusa sat down and clicked on a radio. "Little Azusa will have to leave but Frances here will keep you company!"
Nabiki hissed and started scrabbling at the bars. It was THAT kind of music!
"Don't tell my heart, my achy breaky heart."
Old time Country Western.
The next song deepened the horror. There was only one station in all of Japan that would put Enka after American Country-Western. KOKE - the Karaoke Station.
Nabiki wondered if maybe it would have been better if the monkeys had caught her.
"SO WHO'S FAULT is..." Ukyo's voice trailed off. "His father?"
Rei looked up and nodded once.
"Grrrrrrrrrrrr."
"You know," said Sayuri to Yuka. "I've never seen Ukyo growling and grinding her teeth like that."
"Nice blue glow around her though," commented Yuka to Sayuri. "Maybe she's been taking lessons from Akane?"
"No, I think it must be something about martial artists locally," said Sayuri. "Must save them a lot on lightbulbs. You could read in bed like that."
Ranma stumbled back into the classroom and took a seat, flopping down almost nervelessly as he stared off into space.
"The school nurse?" asked Rei calmly.
Ranma nodded.
"Fiancee?" asked Asuka, a bit more emotionally.
Ranma nodded a second time.
By now everyone had given up all pretense of not listening.
"Your father?" asked Ukyo in a tone of voice that indicated she was about ready to take a bite out of her spatula.
Ranma nodded a third time.
"That's it. He's dead." Ukyo stood. "Pardon me, teacher, may I be excused to go commit an act of absolutely gratuitious violence upon a panda?"
"No, Kuonji-san. Vengeance quests have to wait until after school," answered the teacher. "If everyone who'd been wronged by Genma Saotome was allowed to leave school early - hardly anyone would be left in class."
It had been meant as a jest. The odd thing was that everyone present seemed to take it seriously.
Of course the message was being spread even further by people who had been under Nabiki, but as she was missing they were currently running on their own initiative.
Which is why some of the rumors were so far out there that they weren't even in the same ballpark.
These two new fiancees were from Germany and Iceland.
The pale new fiancee was a robot.
The redheaded new fiancee was a German Amazon from a German Amazon Tribe located in the Black Forest region. She was engaged to him because she touched his schnitzel.
The pale new fiancee was a sorceress from Russia.
The pale new fiancee was a vampire.
The redheaded fiancee was an oni.
The redheaded fiancee was actually Ranma's cousin, and Ranma's tree is a little short on some of the branches.
Ranma's father had engaged Ranma to half of Japan and was working on the other half. That was why he'd gotten Ranma cursed.
When you factored in this newest revelation on the school nurse, the rumor mill began getting even weirder.
Ranma's father had engaged Ranma to half the civilized world.
Ranma's mother had some weird ideas on Ranma being 'manly' and how he had to be engaged to 1001 girls or she'd pull a 'Red Queen' and off with his head.
Ranma had that nekoken split identity thing going. His father had one too, except it was even more stupid and annoying and responsible for all this.
The school nurse was planning on giving Ranma a FULL (wink wink nudge nudge) physical.
Ranma was actually the prince of some foreign secret land and he had all these engagements because it was the custom of that land, and the virility of the sovereign was tied directly to the fertility of the land.
The school nurse and the two new girls were actually magical girls in disguise, here to fight off some intergalactic evil.
It got worse, the more removed the speaker was from the event.
The critter leapt out and began moving. She was sore and tired and hadn't thought this through that carefully, but she was sure this would work.
"Whoa," said Ranma. "Someone taught a weasel to break dance?"
"Now it's the hokey-pokey," said Asuka. "How cute!"
The "weasel" stopped and glared at them briefly before going off into another set of moves.
Rei looked off thoughtfully into the distance. "What if the hokey-pokey really is what it's all about?"
"Hey, it beats red goo," said Asuka softly to the albino.
by Materia-Blade » Fri Apr 13, 2007 6:57 pm
Ranma rubbed the still-bruised side of his face, still awaiting another frozen steak, as he glared at the offending Tendou trio. "I hate you all, I crave death for your fates," the pigtailed boy seethed, before blinking at the plate Kasumi set before him, "ALRIGHT! Grilled pike for breakfast, my fave!" He blinked again, and glared at Kasumi, "I wish a pox upon you and your family."
by Questara » Sat Apr 14, 2007 11:13 am
The girl was dressed in black. Black was the girl dressed. Dressed was the girl and the colour was black. Yes dear reader Nabiki was clad all in black and was prepared to do some funky poaching.
Her conscience twinged a bit at the thought of stealing from her elder sister. That thought was promptly drug out in the hailstorm of yen signs and impaled.
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