Silent Dawn: A New Take on Sailor Moon Classic

For submitting and talking about story ideas. Idea submissions must be at least five paragraphs long, and include plot points, summaries of which characters are involved, and, for fanfiction, how it differs from canon. Both original and fanfiction ideas welcome. Though original works should have more development. Replying posts must give actual commentary, no "GREAT IDEA" or "THIS SUCKS".

Postby Pale Wolf » Fri May 25, 2007 6:50 pm

1) In the final battle, Hotaru's Senshi transformation is sealed off by Mistress Serenity, forcing her to resort to using the Tioron Crystal. After an intense match causing lots and lots of property damage, the battle ends with a classic beam-of-war, Serenity's power vs Hotaru's healing magic backed up by her entire stock of cartridges.

2) A defeated Serenity is approached and drained by Hotaru using the "Reverse Healing" idea that I mentioned several posts back, with Hotaru drawing Nine's lifeforce into her own body with the intention of committing suicide and destroying them both, leaving Serenity posessed by an empty daimon egg.

How plausable does this sound? Should I try to think of something else?


Okay.

Honestly?

My first thought is 'WTF?! Main character suicide?! Weren't you trying to avoid a dark ending?'

Now that I've got that off my chest.

Hotaru's healing magic backed up by her entire stock of cartridges.


Um, healing magic? When you're fighting, I'm pretty sure you cast Ice 4 on your enemy, not Cure 1.

2) A defeated Serenity is approached and drained by Hotaru using the "Reverse Healing" idea that I mentioned several posts back


Good idea. It lets her save Usagi while at the same time not using Usagi's poorly-thought-out methods.

This bit, I like.

with Hotaru drawing Nine's lifeforce into her own body with the intention of committing suicide and destroying them both


Despite my initial reaction, I trust you mean to have this plan averted.

Couple ways to do it.

One way is Usagi pulling the Silver Plot Device. Now, on some level this is decent - giving her credit and whatnot. And canon Usagi, I'd have no complaints about this - I have my problems with the character, but she deserves credit where it's due, and this would be a good solution. But this Usagi is still completely the whiney crybaby.

(By the way: when does it - to the characters here - get 'out' that Usagi is Moon Princess?)

Other options include having Hotaru suck M9 out into the Device (I could see the Device deciding to protect its wielder that way). Possibly give it a more stable AI (that is somehow totally under control), or just turn her into the mother of all Cartridges :P
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Postby Comartemis » Fri May 25, 2007 7:14 pm

Um, healing magic? When you're fighting, I'm pretty sure you cast Ice 4 on your enemy, not Cure 1.

Unless they've got the Zombie status. :P
I'm looking at M9 more like one mother of a status ailment; Hotaru's healing powers, when backed up by 20-30 cartridges, are like an Esuna that overpowers Nine's attack.

*EDIT*
If Hotaru has been angsting about being little miss Death Star (which she probably will, if I can pull it off without making the angst nauseating), this is also her chance to prove to the world and to herself that she is not just a weapon.

Despite my initial reaction, I trust you mean to have this plan averted.

No, Hotaru actually killing herself is not on the agenda. Besides, even if it was, why would I tell the Saturn fanboys about it? I rather like my head where it is, thank you. :P

By the way: when does it - to the characters here - get 'out' that Usagi is Moon Princess?

Not sure at the moment. I'm thinking maybe Usagi shows off bursts of power at odd moments (even more rarely than Hotaru did in S, but also more impressive) as the story progresses, and the Senshi find out she's the MP just as she's being kidnapped by Eudial or whoever.

But this Usagi is still completely the whiney crybaby.

Not completely; if Serenity's memories have awakened at this point, then canon Serenity will do just fine. Even if they haven't, I doubt Usagi - even crybaby Usagi - would just stand by and let someone kill themselves if she thought she could do something about it.
Last edited by Comartemis on Fri May 25, 2007 7:22 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Postby bissek » Fri May 25, 2007 7:20 pm

Depending on how "Reverse Healing" operates, you might need a very strong stomach to use it.

In the original Slayers novels, Lina uses a Reverse Healing spell on some trolls, then scratches them. The wounds automatically widen at a rapid pace to the point where they literally explode all over the tavern floor. It wouldn't have been quite so spectacular on something that didn't heal as rapidly as a troll did, but it would still be disgusting.

Another interpretation of the concept would be for the wounds to get a massive and dangerous infection, which would be deadly, but take several days to actually kill anyone.

On turning 9 into a Cartridge - no. Does anybody remember the Spirit rounds from Chrono Crusade? The moment they were fired, the demon sealed in the bullet came out of the bullet and started wreaking havoc (In the anime version, the power of the demon in the bullet was absorbed by the demon being shot, making it stronger). It was ultimately worse than useless in both cases.
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Postby Comartemis » Fri May 25, 2007 7:31 pm

Depending on how "Reverse Healing" operates, you might need a very strong stomach to use it.

Neither of those two uses even comes close to what I had in mind.

The Judge (Sailor Moon Millennials) developed Hotaru's powers better than anyone I've ever seen in SM fanfiction by explaining them as Hotaru "moving things". Tearing apart objects at the subatomic level is the essence of her destruction powers, and the same goes with her healing powers; she basically pumps her target full of her own life energy, which explains why she passed out every time she used it in the anime. Reverse Healing is just that; draining the target of life energy, one of Hotaru's best weapons to use against youma because she can then transfer the stolen energy back into the youma's victims.
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Postby bissek » Fri May 25, 2007 7:42 pm

In other words, you're turning Hotaru into something halfway between a human and a Victor (of Buso Renkin). If you go this path, I suggest that there be a few incidents where Hotaru ends up using that power on normal people by accident. Saturn's very existence is a double-edged sword, trying to avoid that basic fact is a bad idea.
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Postby Comartemis » Fri May 25, 2007 9:05 pm

In other words, you're turning Hotaru into something halfway between a human and a Victor (of Buso Renkin).

I'm afraid I haven't seen enough of that series to understand the reference. I'm assuming Victors are similar to some sort of youma?

If you go this path, I suggest that there be a few incidents where Hotaru ends up using that power on normal people by accident.

That might be a problem. Hotaru seems to have no problems controling her healing power in the anime; I'm not sure I could force her to have problems with it without 'fudging' (if I'm using that word right) her character.

Saturn's very existence is a double-edged sword, trying to avoid that basic fact is a bad idea.

Agreed.

Alright, I've just had the oppourtunity to watch a few episodes of Nanoha StrikerS and I thought I'd put this question up in the air; what do you guys think of giving Hotaru a Revolver Knuckle (or two) for her device?

Now before I get booed off the board for trying to make Hotaru into a martial artist, let me explain where I'm trying to take this. Besides being powerful melee weapons, like all devices the RK has an arsenal of spell templates for Hotaru to draw from (at least I think it does; I've only seen the first three episodes of StrikerS). For her first few battles, Hotaru relies completely on those spells despite her greatly enhanced strength and speed because frankly Hotaru can't throw a punch to save her life. This changes on the night she passes out; rather than simply being found and taken in, Hotaru comes to Makoto's rescue and fights one last battle on her own before her body gives out. When she comes to, Makoto is taking care of her and the two of them hit it off quite nicely with Hotaru telling Makoto her story and Makoto allowing (more like ordering) Hotaru to stay with her. Mako can tell that Hotaru is much stronger when she's transformed and offers to teach her what she knows of the martial arts. Even after this, however, Hotaru is still going to prefer the use of her ranged attacks, she's just not going to be much fun to deal with up close either.

I've got a few scene ideas that tie into this. The first is Hotaru punching through a brick wall and getting her arm stuck during training. The second is Hotaru using an Amaguriken knock-off called Buster Drive (I'll probably toss this one). The third is a not-so-subtle reference to Ranma 1/2 and a clue as to who Mako-chan's infamous "sempai" is, which has Makoto and Hotaru facing a daimon and knowing they're outmatched, so Makoto makes a big production out of using the Saotome Final Attack. Yes, this demands that Makoto know a bit about Anything Goes; it's a concept I've seen before and I like it, and I don't know enough about the arts to identify Makoto's official style anyways.
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Postby bissek » Fri May 25, 2007 10:20 pm

Victor was a Renkin no Senshi (Alchemic Warrior). After being mortally wounded in battle, his colleagues implanted an experimental alchemical artifact called a Black Kakugane into his chest in an attempt to save his life. The Black Kakugane was supposed to be the next step in alchemy towards developing the Philosopher's Stone. Unfortunately, they didn't quite realize HOW the Black Kakugane grants near eternal life.

The Black Kakugane functions by draining the life energy of everything around it continuously and feeding it to the carrier. Victor could drain the life energy from everyone in a school by standing on the roof. Birds would be drained to the point of death by flying over him. Victor had changed from being a protector of life to something whose very presence was inimical to it. The term Victor came to be used by the Alchemic Regiment to refer to anyone with his abilities (Which wasn't very many people - they only made three Black Kakuganes before they discovered the side effects).

A Victor is the ultimate expression of what a Youma could be. They can be easily identified by their reddish brown skin and glowing green hair. Thanks to all the life energy they absorb, that skin is extremely hard to penetrate.

Would Hotaru have that control the time she learns that she can drain energy? It would be easy for her to accidentally harm somebody when she makes that discovery. Most of the times she'll use it after she learns how to call on it at will (Since I doubt you'll have Hotaru have the issue Victors do of draining everybody 24/7) she'll be using it on Youma however, and I doubt anyone will care if she accidentally drains one of them until it dies.
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Postby Pale Wolf » Fri May 25, 2007 10:36 pm

Comartemis wrote:Unless they've got the Zombie status.
I'm looking at M9 more like one mother of a status ailment; Hotaru's healing powers, when backed up by 20-30 cartridges, are like an Esuna that overpowers Nine's attack.

*EDIT*
If Hotaru has been angsting about being little miss Death Star (which she probably will, if I can pull it off without making the angst nauseating), this is also her chance to prove to the world and to herself that she is not just a weapon.


Well, my opinion? She already proves that she's not just a weapon by saving Usagi instead of killing her.

Think about it. She actually puts effort in to prove herself 'not a weapon'.

If she uses 'Generic Healing Beam of Purity and WUV!', it's easy. Simple. And therefore without meaning.

But if, on the other hand, she attacks with pure destruction... She smashes the opponent down with that very same 'power of destruction' that people fear. And yet, even against the toughest opponent possible, she controls it, well enough that she doesn't even kill. Just beats the opponent, renders them helpless, and then saves them.

(Side note: 20 to 30 Cartridges? I don't think that's even possible. I've never seen a clip bigger than six, and I don't think the power burst would last long enough to reload and make it bigger - even assuming the Device didn't erupt in a nuclear firestorm. Even 'Let's shoot it' Raging Heart never dared to go with all six, I believe the most done was five.)

No, Hotaru actually killing herself is not on the agenda. Besides, even if it was, why would I tell the Saturn fanboys about it? I rather like my head where it is, thank you.


Hm, odd, I thought you were one of the Saturn fanboys... 8)

Not completely; if Serenity's memories have awakened at this point, then canon Serenity will do just fine.


I considered this, but I also consider it a cheap plot device.

Even if they haven't, I doubt Usagi - even crybaby Usagi - would just stand by and let someone kill themselves if she thought she could do something about it.


Possibly, but giving her the strength of character to actually do something about it... Well, it gets close to the Usagi worship that makes me hate the character.

Alright, I've just had the oppourtunity to watch a few episodes of Nanoha StrikerS and I thought I'd put this question up in the air; what do you guys think of giving Hotaru a Revolver Knuckle (or two) for her device?


Okay, the idea has potential, but I'll note that it might be 'interesting' to mesh a polearm style and a punch-based one... I mean, when you think of Hotaru fighting, usually you imagine her prime weapon being the glaive.

(Side note: apparently Subaru's Revolver Knuckle is half of the total Device, and her sister has the other half)

Now before I get booed off the board for trying to make Hotaru into a martial artist, let me explain where I'm trying to take this. Besides being powerful melee weapons, like all devices the RK has an arsenal of spell templates for Hotaru to draw from (at least I think it does; I've only seen the first three episodes of StrikerS). For her first few battles, Hotaru relies completely on those spells despite her greatly enhanced strength and speed because frankly Hotaru can't throw a punch to save her life. This changes on the night she passes out; rather than simply being found and taken in, Hotaru comes to Makoto's rescue and fights one last battle on her own before her body gives out. When she comes to, Makoto is taking care of her and the two of them hit it off quite nicely with Hotaru telling Makoto her story and Makoto allowing (more like ordering) Hotaru to stay with her. Mako can tell that Hotaru is much stronger when she's transformed and offers to teach her what she knows of the martial arts. Even after this, however, Hotaru is still going to prefer the use of her ranged attacks, she's just not going to be much fun to deal with up close either.

I've got a few scene ideas that tie into this. The first is Hotaru punching through a brick wall and getting her arm stuck during training. The second is Hotaru using an Amaguriken knock-off called Buster Drive (I'll probably toss this one). The third is a not-so-subtle reference to Ranma 1/2 and a clue as to who Mako-chan's infamous "sempai" is, which has Makoto and Hotaru facing a daimon and knowing they're outmatched, so Makoto makes a big production out of using the Saotome Final Attack. Yes, this demands that Makoto know a bit about Anything Goes; it's a concept I've seen before and I like it, and I don't know enough about the arts to identify Makoto's official style anyways.


Okay, I actually rather like how you meld it with one of your planned routes.

Couple notes:

One thing to remember is that a freaky-powerful mage like Hotaru is going to be better off with an Intelligent Device that can make up spells on the fly. This would cause problems with the Cartridge System, but unless either A: you made the Armed Device's last user another freaky-powerful mage, and thus it's tuned for high power or B: you later give Hotaru the chance (and knowledge) to program in her own spells and revise the systems... there's a very real chance Hotaru will be limited to using her immense reserves but casting spells rated to be possible for a weak generic mage. There're ways around it if you wish to use the Armed Device (and honestly, I prefer option B).

Next fits in with that: The spells that'll be preprogrammed. Other than the muscle (which is likely the focus of the Device, given what we know of Velkan philosophy), there might not be much, even if you go with a different list than Subaru has.

Remember, Revolver Knuckle in StrikerS is a Modern Velkan System Device. In other words, it's likely melded with the Midchildan style in things like its shooting attacks. But you're looking for an original Velkan Device.

The original style is almost totally on enhancing physical attacks. Look at Signum - she's almost all melee and muscle, there's literally not one of Signum's techniques Hotaru could do without getting physical. Even Vita, who's like the closest thing the Velkan System has to a shooter, is highly physical.

Though, you could have the last user be either a 'heretic', or not actually Velkan, and just added in various spells in a semblance of the Modern Velkan System.

Armour's a given. At least one shooting spell of some kind is another given. But the problem is that unless it's a very high-rank mage, a lot of the other standbys you aren't going to be seeing.

Auto-guards and general force fields? You'll note that Subaru, who is an above-average mage herself, doesn't have one - she totally relies on her armour and evasion.

Flight? Generally need to be A-rank-potential to even think about it.

Smasher spells? You're joking, right? (Though ironically, a collection-type like Starlight Breaker isn't as out of the question)

But one plus side of this is that you'll get to work with the lower power levels. The oddball spells that you don't tend to see much of. Things like Subaru's 'I-propel-my-roller-blades', Tia's anchor, Yuuno's binds and kekkai... (For that matter, Shamal's Scry-and-Linker-Core-Grab, the cheapest move in all of Nanoha)

(In fact, I'd say that if you figure out how to have a Velkan Device with shooter spells, I'd like this route. A low-power old user with a lot of inventive stuff programmed on, and then the chance for Hotaru to later program in higher-level spells that she can handle. This works well for power progression, too. She's basically constrained to the power level of the last mage who had the Device - she's got a huge well of power, but the funnel that brings it out is too thin. In many ways, she'll need to be working on pure skill. And then, when she gets it tuned to her own capability...)

Third, Subaru's strength, ie what the device can do: 'Enhanced' may not quite cover it. Did you realize she can throw a Gadget single-handed without much effort? As in, a chunk of heavy metal more than twice her size.

bissek wrote:On turning 9 into a Cartridge - no. Does anybody remember the Spirit rounds from Chrono Crusade? The moment they were fired, the demon sealed in the bullet came out of the bullet and started wreaking havoc (In the anime version, the power of the demon in the bullet was absorbed by the demon being shot, making it stronger). It was ultimately worse than useless in both cases.


While the idea was mostly facetious, that's not quite an applicable comparison. Cartridge system detonates the cartridge, it doesn't fire it. In other words, M9 would basically get turned into lamp oil.
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Postby Seraphim » Sat May 26, 2007 5:56 am

Comartemis wrote:Neither of those two uses even comes close to what I had in mind.

The Judge (Sailor Moon Millennials) developed Hotaru's powers better than anyone I've ever seen in SM fanfiction by explaining them as Hotaru "moving things". Tearing apart objects at the subatomic level is the essence of her destruction powers, and the same goes with her healing powers; she basically pumps her target full of her own life energy, which explains why she passed out every time she used it in the anime. Reverse Healing is just that; draining the target of life energy, one of Hotaru's best weapons to use against youma because she can then transfer the stolen energy back into the youma's victims.


Hn. Usagi's done similar to that in the manga, the 'taking the energy from the enemy and returning back to the people it was stolen from' thing anyway.
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Postby Comartemis » Mon May 28, 2007 6:59 pm

I did a bit more thinking about the plot over the weekend and I had a thought about the Rainbow Crystal arc.

Suppose for a minute that Hotaru's Reverse Healing ability has negative consequences. In addition to stealing life energy back from a youma, Hotaru inadvertently absorbs a bit of whatever energy animates a youma. With normal youma this isn't a problem because the energy absorbed is so small as to be inconsequential. But when the Seven Youma make their appearances during the Rainbow Crystal arc and Hotaru first learns to use Reverse Healing as a means of healing possessed/tranformed humans, she is essentially forced to take on all of the youma's life energy (or whatever passes for life energy in a youma).

Humans obviously aren't meant to contain this energy and as the RC arc continues and Hotaru absorbs more and more dark energy, it begins to affect her in many negative ways; she becomes more aggressive, quicker to anger, she starts wanting to make her enemies suffer during battle, etc. It eventually gets to the point where Hotaru is in danger of becoming the Messiah of Silence even without Nine's assistance. The arc is resolved when Nine's daimon egg is expelled from Hotaru's body along with the crystalized dark energy of the Seven Youma, but not before Hotaru deals with an intense inner struggle for control of her body against Nine and the Youma, culminating in the use of Hotaru's infamous "purifying self-destruct" technique that Uranus called "Omega Sailor Recovery." Besides giving the middle of the story a stronger plot, it also sets a precedent for Hotaru's attempted suicide at the story's climax; the readers know just as well as Hotaru what will happen if she takes on Nine's essence again.
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