Got musewhacked again... [Ranma/Touhou] Miko Ranma-chan

[Akuma-sama]

The Hakurei Shrine was one of the more noticeable places in Gensokyo. For as far as anyone could remember, which, in a world populated mostly by youkais and spirits, was a very long time indeed, it had served as a sealed door between the completely oblivious human realm and the dangerous realm it was built on. In every record that mentioned it, its protectors were always noted for their nigh-unbeatable ability in combat, their inclination for peace, and their dutifulness.

Hakurei Reimu, current shrine maiden of the Hakurei Shrine, sighed in irritation as the wind blew more fallen leaves into the shrine grounds, from where she sat on one of the building’s open walkways. At her side was a plate with a single glass of steaming green tea. At her feet, a broom lay, discarded when its owner had decided that the small breeze was entirely too cold and left to brew the aforementioned tea.

None could possibly deny Reimu’s love of peacefulness. Peacefulness, after all, meant that nothing unusual like a stolen moon or missing spring was happening. As for her ability in combat, many inhabitants of this realm could attest in their efficiency, from insignificant ice fairies to death gods.

However, no one would ever, ever in a million years, use the word “dutiful” to qualify Hakurei Reimu, unless it was preceded by the negative “not”. She was, to put it simple, lazy. Very lazy. Lazy to the point where she let events become impossibly out of control before she acted—and in fact, never acted unless it directly bothered her. Lazy to the point that she seriously considered coercing some of her neighbors to do the cleaning for her, only to reconsider when she realized trying to get Alice away from her dolls for the time would be entirely too much trouble, and asking Yukari, Suika or, god forbid, Marisa, would be like begging for a monstrous headache.

It looked like she would have to do it herself after all. As soon as her tea was finished, that is—
…it was. Damn. Looks like she was out of excuses. In the back of her head, she heard a voice, like her old teacher chastising her for neglecting her duties, trying to show her the value of doing everything as soon as she could…

Wait.

That’s it! That was the solution she was looking for! A large grin appeared on the shrine maiden’s face as she stood up suddenly. If coercing someone to do it was too much trouble, then she’d just have to grab herself an apprentice who’d do every little job for her! Those are, after all, important duties that a future shrine maiden should know, aren’t they? Of course, so it wouldn’t be unreasonable to get her to clean the yard, and wash the floors, and repair that banister that got damaged last time Suika had stumbled into it, and redo the roof, and trim the trees…
...and clean the dishes, brew the tea, do the laundry, cook, do her bed…
It was perfect! The only problem was finding someone who’d be able to do it, and applicable; lazy as she was, she understood the importance of her duties, and knew why it was extremely important a pure human held on to her position when she would retire. She made a mental list of the humans she knew.

Marisa Kirisame jumped into her mind, then the words “BAD IDEA” did with a vengeance. She was powerful, there was no denying that; perhaps her danmaku relied more on brute strength than Reimu preferred, but it was certainly efficient. However, she could already see the ruins her shrine would invariably become if she ever made the thieving little witch her apprentice.

Sakuya Izayoi. BAD IDEA also; while she was confident in the elegant maid’s ability to do every task assigned to her, and then some more for good measure, it would simply not do to give the gates to the human world to the servant of Vampire Lady Remilia Scarlet. No doubt she would refuse anyway, out of loyalty for her mistress. As for Hong Meilin, who also lived in the Scarlet mansion, it was a double negative; same reason as above, plus her stupidity made Reimu doubt she could figure out how to use a broom, never mind repair the banister.

Maybe a random person from one of the nearby villages? She juggled with the idea for a few seconds before dismissing it; those inside Gensokyo were powerful, but none were nearly as good as she was, and they would need to be as determined and talented as Marisa to reach her level. As for outside, even worse! The humans outside Gensokyo were completely blind to spiritual powers. If she picked one of them, they’d get eaten within two hours of taking the job!

She made an irritated noise as she walked into her room. There had to be someone who could do it, who could be her perfect serv—mai—er, apprentice! And she knew just how to find her…
Well, knew what contained the way to find her, at least. She spent the next hour fishing around in her room, then in the storage cabin for the scroll she knew she had, but hadn’t even glanced at since way back in the day. Finally she found it, and her face grew into a large grin as she settled on the floor to read it.

“There we go… let’s see… hm… Fairy repellant, no… alarm spell… wonder what Patchouli would pay to get that one, or Marisa to keep it secret… hm… let’s see. Ah! Here it is. Spirit Scout. Let’s see… blah blah blah… incantation. There we go.”
She read it carefully, then stood and walked out the door, focusing her spirit. Once outside, she took a deep breath a began.

“Spirits and Souls of the shrine, heed my call and obey,
Ancestors and demons, gods of the night and of day,
Bring before me the person who would be the perfect apprentice!”

Sadly, she hadn’t realized how accurate the spell was. And so, it found her the person who would make the perfect apprentice, and not “her” perfect apprentice, or rather the personal maid she had wanted. Of course, she didn’t know that.

-------------
<Ranma-chan fighting Herb, gets pulled away in the middle of the fight before the big guns come out.>
-------------
“Who the hell are you?!”

Reimu blinked. Her new apprentice was more spirited than she’d expected, but the spell couldn’t have made a mistake. She looked primed, like she’d just been ready to get into a major fight, and the way she held her body told the lazy shrine maiden she was a fighter, and a hand-to-hand one. How strange.

“I am Hakurei Reimu, shrine maiden of the Hakurei Shrine.”
The red-head’s blue eyes darted around even as she relaxed slightly. “…where… what the… Where’s Herb? And—The Kasuifuu!”

The what now? “You’re at the Hakurei Shrine,” Reimu replied. “I brough—er… I mean, I’m afraid there was an accident, and you were brought here.” She looked like she had a temper, and lying was less trouble than arguing, so… yes, that would work. “The youkai responsible for this has run off, though, and knowing her, it’ll be a long time before I see her again.” Nice and evasive, that way I’ll never get caught with a guest whom I can’t say isn’t the one.

“Wh…You mean… Oh come on, Herb’s going to run off with it!”
“And this Herb is…?”
<Basic explanation time, blahblahblah>
“I see,” Reimu replied, mind churning rapidly. Finally, she smiled. “You mentioned she was strong, how strong exactly?”
“Very.”
“And you don’t think you’d be able to beat her?”
A cocky grin appeared on the red-head’s face. “Of course I can,” she replied arrogantly. Reimu suddenly felt an urge to deck her, to wipe away the excessive confidence she was putting out. “I’m the best.”
“Uh huh. I’m sure.” Her spirit force didn’t seem all that strong, and it was so unfocused! Was she even able to danmaku?
“I am!” she replied hotly, spirit flaring. “Not like you’d be able to tell.”
“Oh, why is that?” The urge to deck the red-head returned.
“Well, you’re obviously not a fighter.”

Being told that by someone who was clearly unable to fight anything but a physical brawl quite literally pissed Reimu off. Deliberately slow, she gathered up her energy.
“Is that so?” She replied darkly. The red-head didn’t even seem to realize a fight was coming, and nodded.
“Yeah, I mean, your posture’s all wrong, your arms are all skinny, and you’re obviously out of shape.”
Out of—
Ok. That did it.
“Spirit Sign: Fantasy Seal –Spread–.”
“Eh? What the—GAH!”
<to put it bluntly, Ranma gets owned. She gets hit once in the hand, and it hurts so badly she faints. She does impress Reimu with her agility, though, and when she uses a ki-blast to destroy a bullet.>
--------------
<She wakes up in Reimu’s room.>
“Apprentice?” Ranma repeated.
Reimu nodded. “Yes. I’m afraid the gates seem to believe you should be sealed in this shrine, and won’t let you through unless you are one of its guardians,” hm, she was quite good at this lying thing… “and thus, if you wish to return home, you’ll have to become a miko. Seeing as I’m the only one here, teaching you the trade is falls on to me.”
“…b…but I have to get back—besides, I can’t be a miko, I’m a guy!”
A black eyebrow rose over a dark eye. A guy? Was her new apprentice not a human after all? Seeing her disbelief, the red-head sighed.
“It’s a curse. Hot water usually changes me back, but I’m locked right now.”
“…right.” Cute story, Reimu decided, but obviously false; she knew most of the powerful Youkais in Gensokyo, and had never heard of anyone with that kind of power. Still, arguing was too troublesome to bother with. “Well you can be a priest then, the gate would let you through then.”
“Great! So just do whatever you have to—”
“Now hold on,” the miko interrupted, knowing what the red-head wanted. “I can’t just go and make you a mik—priest like that, the shrine would never approve.” As if it was sentient. Still, her new apprentice was just gobbling up everything she said without even a tiny bit of skepticism; it took all of Reimu’s control not to let her mirth show on her face. “No, you have to go through some training at least.”
“Great!” she grinned. “Does that include learning the Fantastic Seal or whatchamacallit you hit me with?”
Whatchamacallit—now wait a second… could it be that… “R…Ranma… do… do you know what Gensokyo is?”
“Uh? Is that some kind of food?”
…it was.

Her apprentice was from the human world.
Suddenly, getting an apprentice didn’t seem like such a good idea anymore.

--------------------
Notes: Writing danmaku seems like it will be a very painful and difficult thing; it’s one thing to see the pattern of bullets filling a 2d screen, it’s something else entirely to write it in 3d. Although ZUN never said anything about what it was, simply assuming it was magic bullets the characters were avoiding, my interpretation of it is a bit fancier;
The bullets target the soul, or in Ranma terms, Ki, directly. Someone trained in danmaku focuses his or her soul into as small an area within herself as possible, to make themselves harder to hit. The act of allowing a bullet to pass through one’s body without touching the soul is called grazing.
Ranma’s training was entirely the opposite; using Ki is like infusing something with your soul, or in a Ki blast’s case, to use an aspect of your soul (emotions) to infuse your opponent’s face with a punch in the nose. Hence, her soul appears incredibly unfocused for someone used to danmaku, and she cannot graze. What she can do that others can’t, however, is destroying bullets in flight.

And that’s it. Reimu was a blast to write, but I mostly wrote this thing to get the idea out of my head. So if someone wants to pick it up, go right ahead. In fact, please do!

[Kadunta]

Bwhahahaa! Finally Touhou/Ranma!

First off, though, unless I'm mistaken, China is a youkai, not human (and unless I'm mistaken, they're mutually exclusive...)

Writing this requires a hand far more delicate than what I have---as evidenced by the fact that I have yet to finish IN---so I won't be picking this up.

I wonder if the danmaku scenes would work better not attempting to emulate EoSD/PCB/IN but IaMP instead? (Note: I've never really played IaMP so I don't know if that's what you already did)

[Akuma-sama]

It probably would be easier, I guess. And I just checked, and you're right; China is a Youkai. Whoops. I could have sworn she was human...

So few humans in that series, it's crazy.

[Dumbledork]

I like the idea.

[Spokavriel]

It's definately fun. I hope whoever picks up the story has those lies come back to bite her in the butt.