Hitsugaya Taicho chapter 1 (still in progress)

[Crim Zephi]

Here is something I've started that i was hoping to get some feed back on.

ENJOY!

Hitsugaya Taicho chapter 1 (unfinished)

AN: Hello all! This is a little something that I was inspired to write so I hope you enjoy!

Disclaimer: The actual idea for this belongs to a writer named The Itch who, as far as I can tell, has stopped writing all together. however his story was more of a three shot summery then what I will be shooting for. I give all credit to The Itch for this idea, and any elements I take from his story, and if HE requests it I will have it removed A.S.A.P. Also I do not own either Harry Potter or Bleach, and as stated above I do not own Hollow (Itch’s story).

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Hitsugaya Toshiro was known as a child genus. He was killed when he was four years old, just two days after being left in the slums by his relatives, by a serial killer who loved to scalp his victims and keep them as trophies, and ever since his hair had been white instead of black. He was then given a soul burial by the resident Shinigami of London and awoke in the first district of Rukongai where he lived for a year with an old women and an older girl named Hinamori Momo.

Shortly after Hinamori, who he had grown a close friendship with, entered the Shinigami academy he followed, and was forever after seen as a prodigy, he was five when he entered. He spent the required four years in the academy and graduated at the age of nine at the top of his class, by this time Hitsugaya had gone from a sarcastic loving brat to a calm and collected genus who only let emotions show to those he was closest to or in extreme situations. He was assigned to the Tenth division of the Gotei Thirteen, and when he had reached his eleventh birthday he requested a promotion from Lieutenant Captain to Captain of the Tenth division, having shown proof that he could unlock his Bankai. However before this would happen there was one thing that Hitsugaya Toshiro would have to do. One task was all that stood in his way and the captaincy and that task would rock both the living world and Soul Society for ages to come.

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“Commander General, Lieutenant Hitsugaya is here as you requested.” Lieutenant Sasakibe Chojiro of the first division of the Gotei Thirteen spoke quietly into the ear of Commander General Yamamoto Genryusai. Just as Hitsugaya entered into the room and bowed before one of the most powerful beings in existence.

Yamamoto looked up from the documents that littered his desk and stared at his Lieutenant before nodding to him. “Very well please leave us Chojiro. What I must discuss with the young boy is not for your ears.” He said before dismissing Sasakibe from the room and turning his attention to Hitsugaya, who had risen from his bow and was now standing at attention. The ancient Shinigami took a moment to inspect the young Hitsugaya, by his standards the boy was no more then a baby, and yet here he was the youngest ever to request the position of captain. *Truly*, Yamamoto thought to himself, *he has come quiet far for one so young.* Shaking himself from his thoughts the General finally broke the silence that had rained since Hitsugaya’s entrance. “So you wish to become a captain do you” he stated rather then asked. Hitsugaya did not answer instead choosing to remain silent until the Commander General asked him an actual question. Shaking his head in silent amusement at the young man’s seriousness he spoke again “It is quiet an achievement for one so young to attain such a position. However….” Here Yamamoto trailed off to study the young lieutenant briefly before continuing “before you can take your place as a Captain of the Gotei Thirteen there is a task that only you can complete.”

Here Hitsugaya’s eyes widened a fraction of an inch, the only proof of his surprise as before there had never been a task other then obtaining Bankai to be eligible for captaincy. “Another Task” Lieutenant Hitsugaya asked in the calm monotone that he was famous for; just looking at him you wouldn’t know he was confused.

The Commander General nodded his head before replying “did you ever familiarize yourself with your life when you were alive?” He asked

Toshiro lowered his head in thought, understanding that the task in question would somehow involve his time spent as a mortal. “From what the archives state, I was known as Harry Potter son of James and Lilly Potter and am, or was, the sole survivor of an attack by a dark wizard named Tom Riddle who had stretched his soul out and anchored them to six objects in a bid for immortality. In doing so he had stretched his soul to the breaking point and it was no surprise that when he had gone to kill me his body shattered and what was left of him was forced to retreat or be erased from existence all together.”

“Correct.” The Commander General said before continuing the tail. “However what it does not state was that in order to prevent himself from being detected by the Shinigami and to avoid becoming a hollow he anchored what was left of his soul to your living body and then fled.”

“So if I died then…”

“Yes Tom Riddle became a hollow and since then we have lost all traces of him and that worries me.”

The only sign of shock that Toshiro allowed himself was to raise his right eyebrow before replying. “So what are your orders Commander General?”

“You are to go to the city of London in the living world and hunt down and eradicate the hollow known as Tome Riddle. Only after he has been sent to his fate will I allow you to become a captain.”

“At once Sir” Hitsugaya responded before bowing in respect and then turning to leave the room.

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“Hitsugaya kun” shouted Hinamori Momo from across the court yard as she spotted her young friend exiting the Commander General’s office and making his way to the nearest portal to the living world.

Toshiro sighed in annoyance of having been delayed anymore then was really necessary. Really he loved Hinamori like the sister he had never had, but there were many times when he just wished to be left alone with his thoughts. Its not everyday you’re ordered to face a past that you had thought you had left behind for good is it? Deciding to see what she wanted so as to get things moving along faster he made the detour over to where she was standing right outside of the Fifth Division barracks stopping two feet away from her to observe the changes since he had last seen her, which had been about a month ago. Over all nothing had changed about her since they used to eat water melons on the front porch of their house in Rukongai. There had been a brief time in the academy where she had worn her black hair in two pony tails rather then pin it up as she did now, but besides the Shinigami robes and her Zanpakuto their was really little change in her. Besides the Lieutenant Captain patch on her right sleeve of course. Raising his eyebrow in slight surprise he asked “When were you promoted Hinamori?”

Blushing at the patch being noticed by her honorary little, if genus, brother she responded “Lieutenant Ichimaru was promoted to Captain of Third Division so Captain Aizen chose me as his replacement!”

Hitsugaya allowed a small smile to find its way onto his face for replying “congratulations Momo chan I know you must have worked hard for it.”

“Thank you Shiro kun, that really means a lot coming from you” Hinamori shouted before impulsively giving him a hug not even realizing that she had called him Shiro kun.

Giving a sigh of annoyed resignation he preceded to extract himself from Hinamori’s grasp before biding her goodbye and continuing on his way to the gate.


So? what do you think? Does it need to be longer? Shorter? or does anything need correcting?

[Seraphim]

Just so you know it's 'Shiro-chan', not 'Shiro-kun'. Other than that it's great.

EDIT: I would make later chapters a bit longer though.

[Crim Zephi]

Thx! But its not actually finished yet, and I'm pretty sure that there are some grammar problems as well.

[bissek]

I think there are some problems in the concept of this story:

First, Toushiro had been a ghost for decades at the time he entered the academy, then was a Shinigami for more decades before becoming Captain. He was around as a ghost when Momo entered the academy, roughly 100 years before the start of Bleach. This means that most of the HP cast would be significantly older, if not dead, at the time he returns to England to hunt Riddle.

Second, Captain promotions don't work like that. The promotion is made by examination (Three captains, including Yamamoto, giving some test, which is unknown save for the fact that demonstration of Bankai is part of it), acclamation (a 3/4 majority of the current standing captains must either nominate one or approve the nomination), or challenge (the standing captain to a formal duel with at least 200 witneses).

The concept of your story just doesn't seem to make sense in context to Bleach canon at all.

[Spokavriel]

I really like the characters of Shiro-chan and Hinamori. But if Harry Potter were going to be anyone in Soul Society I get the feeling he would still be in Rukongai or 4th squad. He doesn't really fit in that well with Seretei squads.

[Heaven's Deamon]

Spok, one thing you're forgetting is that this version of Harry died while very young, thus it is much easier for his character to have changed. Also, his current personality is based on the canon Hitsugaya rather than on the canon Harry.

[Spokavriel]

What I should have said is I don't see how any of Potter's story existance could fit in this. You know beyond what is already there. Voldemort is already a hollow there's no reason or even reasonable way to bring in other aspects of the potter novels beyond possibly locations.

[Heaven's Deamon]

somewhat True, I read the original fic that he said inspired him to do this and it stoped after dealing with voldie. However, in that fic the wizards were messing with spiritual matters and making a mess of things, so making a mission to check on the wizarding world and finding out just how messed up they've made their spiritual conditions may be a possibility for a later plot.

[Crim Zephi]

somewhat True, I read the original fic that he said inspired him to do this and it stoped after dealing with voldie. However, in that fic the wizards were messing with spiritual matters and making a mess of things, so making a mission to check on the wizarding world and finding out just how messed up they've made their spiritual conditions may be a possibility for a later plot.

A good Idea, and one I hope to implement just as soon as I get Harry/Toshiro into the real world. My story is going to be a bit different in the fact that while soul society does regulate and take care of souls world wide it does not mean that they know everything about whats going on in the world. From what I can understand the real reason that Quiency's are even known to SS is because of the way they chose to use their power, so this is going to be in that same way except up till now SS has never really bothered to check in on wizards other then the fact that they exist because wizards have not been doing anything like permanently killing off hollows and not just purifying them. Its the difference in a crack in a glass slowly getting to the point where the glass breaks and taking a hammer and smashing it to pieces if that makes any sense. So it would be much less noticeable.

As for hollow Voldemort I'm going to expand on that and its not going to be as easy as the Itch made it thats for sure. After all Voldie does not strike me as the type to not experiment with his new hollow powers.

I think there are some problems in the concept of this story:

First, Toushiro had been a ghost for decades at the time he entered the academy, then was a Shinigami for more decades before becoming Captain. He was around as a ghost when Momo entered the academy, roughly 100 years before the start of Bleach. This means that most of the HP cast would be significantly older, if not dead, at the time he returns to England to hunt Riddle.

Could you tell me where you found that info exactly? Because from what I could gather from the web it said that Toshiro is small because he is still quiet young and from the way him and Hinamori act in difference to say Soi Fong, Zaraki, and Ukitaki they strike me as not even being 100. Maybe its just me but has anybody noticed that all the Captains that we know for sure are at least over 200 seem to have a better grasp on situations even when they don't know what the hell is going on? Even when Ukitake and his friend (I think his name is Shunsue but I could be wrong) fought the commander general and you could tell they were scared beyond belief they still had this calm to them that I just don't see in Toshiro. I mean sure he does stay calm in situations such as that but its not quiet the same type of calm if that makes any sense at all. What I'm trying to say is if they are indeed that old then they surly don't quiet act their age they are. In which case I'll be taking a creative license.

Second, Captain promotions don't work like that. The promotion is made by examination (Three captains, including Yamamoto, giving some test, which is unknown save for the fact that demonstration of Bankai is part of it), acclamation (a 3/4 majority of the current standing captains must either nominate one or approve the nomination), or challenge (the standing captain to a formal duel with at least 200 witneses).

And kill him quickly if I'm not mistaken. But thats just it. From a conversation between Maderame and Renji its implied that one must first profess an interest in becoming a captain before all that begins. What this is, is Yama telling Toshiro that before all that process can begin he must take care of his past.

[bissek]

Rukia flat out states in the very first episode/chapter that she was at least ten times Ichigo's age. That makes her 150 at the time Bleach canon started, minimum. Toushiro was around in Soul Society at the time she first entered the academy. This can be proven by the flashback which showed that Renji (who entered at the same time as Rukia) was in Momo's class, and Momo visited Toushiro during that flashback. Though the data of Rukia and Renji entering the academy is never given, they've probably been Shinigami for decades (you don't just arbitrarily jump up to Lieutenant in the Court Guard Companies without years of work, especially as Renji, who wasn't fast-tracked for reasons of conspiracy). Snowy-chan has got to be at least fifty, with 100 being more likely. People don't age at the same rate in SS as the do on earth.

Shunsui Kyourako and Jushiro Ukitake are the two oldest of the standing Captains under Yamamoto. They are the first two people to graduate the academy (Which Yamamoto founded) and make it to Captain.

My point is that the crossover is a bit one-sided if most of the people on the other side of the crossover are too old to contribute to the story.

Killing the title holder in a battle for rank isn't required, just victory. Kenpachi Zaraki is the only one of the current 13 Captains to achieve rank by that method, and he chose to win by killing his opponent.

Professing an interest in Captain rank is only needed in two paths out of three. Promotion by acclamation only requires that other people think you have what it takes, whether you want the job or not.

[Spokavriel]

Actualy people in Soul Society don't age at all unless they can and do use their spiritual energy. The kid on the bridge who is the adoptive older brother to the parokeet boy made that really clear. He died shortly before the founding of Edo Japan and explained how people don't age And also how families are rarely ever united in Soul Society.

Just looking at this another way. Soifon disappeared from Seretei for 100 years and aged maybe 4. Rukia who has a decent ammount of Spirit energy took at least 40 years from the time Captain Kuchiki found her till the end of that story arc on top of the cliffs. And that's from the big brothers own mouth he said it was 41 years. She didn't age more than a single year in all that. I even double checked that scene a few times because I didn't quite believe it the first few times. Havn't watched the dub for it but it's there in OL.

If you want time to pass for Toshiro to age it's going to be ALLOT of time.

[bissek]

Since Toushiro was a ghost at the time Rukia entered the academy, that means that he's been dead a minimum of forty years. Which likely means that any of his friends from when he was alive could be grandparents by now (though the grandkids would probably be pre-verbal).

[Spokavriel]

Not entirely. I mean yes when the Lieutenants get together Matsumoto Rangiku's captain is reffered to as new but they also give a definate sence that they don't get together that often except in emergencies which are suposed to be rare in Seretei.

I could theoreticaly see 10 years lee way but still there's a minimum of 30 years here even if you ignore how much Toshiro ages from the time you see him in Rukon to seeing him as a captain.

[Heaven's Deamon]

There is also some indication that time in Soul society may not flow at the same rate as in the living world (I'm reffering to some thoughts of Yoroichi that seem too indicate that the group had arrived earlier that originally planned giving them some sort of advantage) So that could potentially be exagerated to "pardon" the decades required. As for why I'm defending the fic, I think it has potential to explore both worlds and ways in which they could be mixed, as well as conflicts that could be used to drive a plot involving them, and I would like to see the potential realized.

[Crim Zephi]

Bissek has a good point though. I did not take into account that youth as considered by people of 100+ years would not exactly be young to us, But I don't want to abandon this now that I have already started it since I've spent hours brainstorming on it. Therefore I think I'll need to rethink how I was planing on writing this thing. Seeing as age seems to be the major factor I may drop that and switch the focus to the Wizarding World in general instead of just Voldemort, and with a little rewording I think I can clear up the captain problem as well. Which seem to be the two big problems. What about grammar? did that turn out ok?