Chapter 1: Ranma3/4

[Tuisto]

Oh great googly-moogly... Oh gsteemso bless you! Oh you have no idea how much that helps! I've incorporated every suggestion you said, I'll sweep through it again to double check using all your wonderful suggestions, but you have no idea how much that will help! Seriously, now that friend, is good C&C!

I usually use Dragon speaking software because I'm a fairly lousy typist, then I work mostly in WordPerfect v.10, so I only really know errors when something gets an underline from the autofix, or it it just sounds odd as I read what I write aloud. So I really appreciate the time you put into correcting my feeble little writing, and don't worry, I'm writing as much as I can, with a goal to get a new chapter out each week... hopefully.

Again, thank you, oh so much!

Oh Suikie, (without giving too much away yet) the bad cook list will be Kasumi (never really needed to be good), Akane (way too enthusiastic to ever cook without life-threatening mistakes), and Ranma (just because Makoto was a bad cook and it's different.)
Good cooks will be a boy-crazy Nabiki (THAT's certainly different), the catishly curious Shampoo, and a perpetually dazed/confused Ukyo... And as far as whose interested in who... why spoil the surprise? Heck, even I don't know yet, and I want to be surprised too! Muwahahahaha!
Of course, I'm right now hung-up on this simply insane idea of how Ranma and Makoto will meet, oh it's golden too... but wrong on many levels...

And there's still many more changes from both Canon and Fanon of BOTH series yet to come!

Thanks!
Merci!
Grazi!
Viele Dank!
AND GOODNIGHT!

[gsteemso]

The copyediting I prefer to do is to just make the changes and leave change bars behind in Word. Not perfect, but who is? If you have several copies of the full blown acrobat, you can make comments and suggestions and leave it up to the originator to do the real corrections. I kind of question the ergonomics, but, if security is important.

I’ve been trying for ages to find a less labour-intensive way to annotate a random text document, but very few approaches give satisfactory results. There is an inherent tradeoff between making it easy for the author (e.g. sending a completely proofed document suitable for immediate formatting and posting), and giving control to the author by providing individual annotations, leaving it up to them which ones they act on.

The best approach I have devised to date involves an extension to the simple, if idiosyncratic, plain-text markup language I do most of my work in. Ideally, I would work in my comfortable text editor, banging out corrections and annotations without regard to author readability, then let the computer turn it into nicely formatted output via the same Perl filters I use for publishing my own story. (There are three of them: one each for producing BBCode markup for various forums like this one, ff.net’s crippled subset of HTML for posting to that site, and proper standards-compliant HTML for posting everywhere else.)

Unfortunately, one of the reasons I have not been producing much fanfiction of my own lately is that I’ve been bogged down trying to revise my markup system, which inherently entails revising the output filters that read it. In regrettably typical fashion (I am a recovering obsessive-compulsive), I got a bit carried away and started designing what amounts almost to a new programming language. Real progress has been effectively zero; but I did teach myself how to write cascading style sheets, so I guess it wasn’t totally a waste… just really ineffectual. :-/

However, someone like gsteemso is a rare gem that must be appreciated and flattered in the hope that they might turn their eye to your work, to your benefit.

Gosh. Thanks! I was tickled pink that anyone would say that about me — borgrabbit, you’ve made my week. :-)

I hope this story continues in the same vein. Speaking of veins, I can't wait for Kuno's cerebral hemorrhage. Should be good for some projectile nasal discharges on the part of the idiot. Right before he says, "Huh???"

Yeah, I’m looking forward to that too! :¬) It’ll be _hard_ to do it in an original way, though — as one of the first characters introduced in the manga, Kuno’s reaction has already been modified in a LOT of ways in other fics. Most of them are either the canonical kill-him-and-date-her or an outright kill-the-freak, with the odd “please teach me Ranma-sensei!” for variety. If Tuisto can come up with something different here, I will be very impressed.

The only things I could come up with was Kuno somehow thinking that cursed-form-Ranma’s top and bottom halves belonged to different people, or perhaps that she was some sort of monstrous ‘land mermaid’ — remember that the original mermaid concept had them as fish-monsters which lured sailors by their top halves being sexy, rather like those ugly big-mouthed things with the glowing lure on their foreheads that swim around in the deep sea — either of which could be really funny, but would be rather awkward to write. (Actually, can Ranma even change back to a guy at this point? From the title, I’m guessing “yes.”)

G.

[Tuisto]

I remembered that there was some disagreement in the other thread about heights... well I found this web-site that has a metric/USstandard height breakdown for the Ranma crew.

Now going off Ranma's "Makoto" form being at least 177cm, she'll still be taller than most everybody else, including her "full-boy" form, in the first chart.

Even going by the first height-chart, Ranma-chankun(?) would still be eye-level with both Soun and Kuno. And going by the more realistic chart she'll just tower over everyone.

So now I'm thinking as to which height to use for the Nerima crew around Ranma's Futa form... but I'm leaning to the first-chart as I can warp that into more amusing things, than having Ranma being such a giant...

So, any one have ideas on wie I should have the heights break-down?

Thanks.

[Tuisto]

Here's a smattering of what I've plunked out for chapter two. In progress...
Don't worry, Akane will still bash Ranma... and frankly I gotta admit that even Kuno doesn't deserve what I've done to him in the rough-out I've planned...

And hey, didn't any of you ever wonder where Akane got her violent streak? Well this scene answers THAT mystery!

- - - - - - -
Chapter 2
- - - - - - -

With bright red faces Ranma and Kasumi sat at one side of the dining table of the Tendo home, on the other side sat Nabiki who was smirking like the cat that had just committed cannibalism and next to her was Akane staring intently into her tea trying to make sense of the meaning of life.

For the last several minutes since everybody had rebooted their brains, there had been the sounds of violent arguing wafting into the dining room from the kitchen.

“Are You Two Insane?! I will not have my daughter’s committed to a contractual marriage thought up by you two in a BAR! Before, they were even born!” Kimiko’s voice resounded angrily through the walls of the house.

“But Kimi-chan! It’s to unite the schools of martial arts! To carry on the legacy of Anything Goes Martial Arts!” Soun’s groveling carried through.

“Don’t ‘Kimi-chan’ ME you… you…” there was a pause as the sound of a plate breaking over a skull shot-out from the kitchen. “… how could you?! Didn’t it EVER occur to you my babies might want more than to carry on legacies, to live lives of their own?!”

“They’re really going at it this time…” Nabiki said as she glanced at her watch, then back to the door to the kitchen.

There was the sound of hot-air about to rip as Genma spoke, “But Kimiko, Soun is correct! With the union of our two schools the continuation of the Art is assured! And didn’t you see what I saw? Your girl and my… well… my Child are already hitting it off splendidly! And… and…” his voice paused and then he sounded curious “… and weren’t you dying last I saw you?”

Kimiko’s voice came though flat and sarcastic “I got better, thank you oh, so very much for asking…” she paused and anger ruled her voice again, “… And for you’re information Genma I really couldn’t give a rats-behind to the ‘continuation of the schools’ if it meant that my babies were unhappy!”

“But Kimiko, you don’t seem to realize…” Genma had started to say before there was the sound of more plates being broken over a cranium rang out from the kitchen.

In the dining room, the three and ¾ women winced.

“No… I think I understand perfectly, that when you two are together you both get lazy, and were probably planning on heaping all the responsibilities off on my babies so you two could sit around all day playing board games and drinking!”

“But Kimi-chan…” Soun started to say before his voice was drown-out by the sounds of more plates… and maybe some bowls and flatware crashing onto a head were heard.

More sympathetic wincing came from the occupants of the dining room at the sounds of violence.

“No BUTs Dear! I mean, of all the stupid, stupid things you’ve done, you honestly thought THIS harebrained scheme was going to get past me? There’s a reason I don’t let you have a checkbook after all, dear!”

Kimiko’s voice then tore back into Genma, “And YOU! Do you have any idea how much therapy poor Nodoka has had to go through since you two left her alone for TEN FREAKING YEARS!”

“Who’s Nodoka?” Ranma asked curiously.

Nabiki shrugged her shoulders cluelessly, then Kasumi put her finger to her chin and said thoughtfully, “I think I’ve heard mother speaking on the phone to a Nodoka… but I really don’t know.”

“… I mean, you weren’t there for her when she finally cracked-up and made a doll, called it Ranma and ran around the town naked for a better part of the day screaming ‘Manly-man!’ as she cradled it and waved that katana!” Kimiko’s voice screeched through the walls of the kitchen so loudly neighbor dogs began to howl.

The three sister’s Tendo, just stared at Ranma as a truly massive sweat drop rolled off of her head.
“What? It could always be some other ‘Ranma’ you know…” Ranma said more to convince herself.

“Now Kimi-chan… is that really so fair… I mean Genma had to train the… the… um… Ranma in the martial arts and…*glurk!*…” Soun began but his voice was cut-off by the sound of wood meeting cranium. A rolling pin most likely…

“No…” (clang) “More…” (bang) “…Excuses!” (pow) Kimiko shouted at her loving husband with extreme prejudice… and a rolling pin…

“And you…” (crack) “horrible…” (swish) “for a $%^#^@%#$ and ^()@!#...” (thud) Kimiko shouted working her magic on Genma…

Moments of silence pass for the 3 and ¾ women in the dining room as they exchange nervous looks.

With a gulp Ranma glanced at the door and said, “Should one of us… you know, check on them?”

Just as the Tendo Three were about to shake their heads, the door slowly creaked open drawing their attention to it… And then Kimiko stepped through, demurely patting down her slightly mussed hair with one hand as the other carried a rolling pin.

She smiled sweetly as she sat herself at the head of the table, leaving the rolling pin to thunk onto the top, then looked at Ranma with a look that froze him/her and said, “Now Ranma… care to explain what it is you were doing to my little Kasumi-chan in the bath?”

Ranma just stared at the seemingly nice brown-haired housewife, and gasped like a fish as she “Erked!” and fumbled with “Wells…” and “Um’s…” and even a few nervous “Ah’s!...”

[Dumbledork]

Hehehe! Akane senior. Excellent. But Kimiko has a good reason at least.

[Suikie]

With bright red faces Ranma and Kasumi sat at one side of the dining table of the Tendo home, on the other side sat Nabiki who was smirking like the cat that had just committed cannibalism and next to her was Akane staring intently into her tea trying to make sense of the meaning of life.

"With bright red faces," need a comma. "of the Tendo home" isn't necessary. Would be better to describe Nabiki as being across from either Ranma or Kasumi with Akane beside her. "next to her was Akane, staring intently into her tea," need commas! Trying to make sense of the meaning of life? Sounds like she already knows what the meaning of life is but it doesn't make sense... Is that what you wish to convey?

For the last several minutes since everybody had rebooted their brains, there had been the sounds of violent arguing wafting into the dining room from the kitchen.

“Are You Two Insane?! I will not have my daughter’s committed to a contractual marriage thought up by you two in a BAR! Before, they were even born!” Kimiko’s voice resounded angrily through the walls of the house.

"Before they were even born!" no comma needed, possibly add something more to that sentence.

“But Kimi-chan! It’s to unite the schools of martial arts! To carry on the legacy of Anything Goes Martial Arts!” Soun’s groveling carried through.

“Don’t ‘Kimi-chan’ ME you… you…” there was a pause as the sound of a plate breaking over a skull shot-out from the kitchen. “… how could you?! Didn’t it EVER occur to you my babies might want more than to carry on legacies, to live lives of their own?!”

"It's to unite the schools." the next sentence makes this first "martial arts" unnecessary due to redundancy. "Soun's groveling carried through." hmm... reword that, doesn't sound right. Perhaps "Soun continued to grovel." or something to that extent. "to carry on your legacies," need 'your' in their because it's their legacies.

“They’re really going at it this time…” Nabiki said as she glanced at her watch, then back to the door to the kitchen.

There was the sound of hot-air about to rip as Genma spoke, “But Kimiko, Soun is correct! With the union of our two schools the continuation of the Art is assured! And didn’t you see what I saw? Your girl and my… well… my Child are already hitting it off splendidly! And… and…” his voice paused and then he sounded curious “… and weren’t you dying last I saw you?”

"then back to the door to the kitchen." can shorten to "then back to the kitchen door." "There was the sound of hot-air about to rip" "hot air" no hyphen needed... perhaps find a better descriptor as that one doesn't make sense. Hot air makes no sound if it is only ABOUT to rip. "Soun is correct!" Genma would say "Soun's right!" but however you want.

Kimiko’s voice came though flat and sarcastic “I got better, thank you oh, so very much for asking…” she paused and anger ruled her voice again, “… And for you’re information Genma I really couldn’t give a rats-behind to the ‘continuation of the schools’ if it meant that my babies were unhappy!”

“But Kimiko, you don’t seem to realize…” Genma had started to say before there was the sound of more plates being broken over a cranium rang out from the kitchen.

In the dining room, the three and ¾ women winced.

"though" should be "through". Comma after "sarcastic". "I got better." no need for comma. "Thank you oh so very much for asking..." would follow, I don't believe commas are necessary there. "And, for your information Genma," commas ARE needed there tho ^^. "rat's behind about the" no hyphen needed and rat's is possessive, and to doesn't sound right so use about. "Genma had started" has isn't necessary there. "there was the sound of more plates being broken over a cranium rang out from the kitchen." i'd rewrite that as "the sounds of more plates being broken over a cranium rang out from the kitchen." there were many sounds and the phrasing was a bit off.

“No… I think I understand perfectly, that when you two are together you both get lazy, and were probably planning on heaping all the responsibilities off on my babies so you two could sit around all day playing board games and drinking!”

I'd rewrite that as: "No, I think I understand perfectly. When you two are together, you both get lazy and were probably planning to heap all responsibilities on my babies so you two could sit around all day playing board games and drinking!"

“But Kimi-chan…” Soun started to say before his voice was drown-out by the sounds of more plates… and maybe some bowls and flatware crashing onto a head were heard.

More sympathetic wincing came from the occupants of the dining room at the sounds of violence.

“No BUTs Dear! I mean, of all the stupid, stupid things you’ve done, you honestly thought THIS harebrained scheme was going to get past me? There’s a reason I don’t let you have a checkbook after all, dear!”

"drown-out" should be "drowned out". "sounds of further violence" sounds better . "stupid, stupid" remove comma. "checkbook, after all," need another comma in there.

Kimiko’s voice then tore back into Genma, “And YOU! Do you have any idea how much therapy poor Nodoka has had to go through since you two left her alone for TEN FREAKING YEARS!”

You know, in the manga it shows an infant Ranma stamping the contract. Not a five - six year old. But fanon likes to change that and it never really stated when he last saw Nodoka. IMO, if he were taken at five or six, he would have remembered her. Being taken as an infant makes more sense with him not remembering her. But no need to debate that here!

“Who’s Nodoka?” Ranma asked curiously.

Nabiki shrugged her shoulders cluelessly, then Kasumi put her finger to her chin and said thoughtfully, “I think I’ve heard mother speaking on the phone to a Nodoka… but I really don’t know.”

“… I mean, you weren’t there for her when she finally cracked-up and made a doll, called it Ranma and ran around the town naked for a better part of the day screaming ‘Manly-man!’ as she cradled it and waved that katana!” Kimiko’s voice screeched through the walls of the kitchen so loudly neighbor dogs began to howl.

The three sister’s Tendo, just stared at Ranma as a truly massive sweat drop rolled off of her head.
“What? It could always be some other ‘Ranma’ you know…” Ranma said more to convince herself.

"Nabiki shrugged her shoulders cluelessly, then Kasumi put her finger to her chin and said thoughtfully," make into two sentences or use semi-colon. "and waved that katana!" perhaps instead "while waving that katana!" it's somewhat of a run-on sentence either way but this way sounds better and I can't think up a good way to divide that sentence. "so loudly, neighbor dogs" comma there . "sisters Tendo" no apostrophy.

“Now Kimi-chan… is that really so fair… I mean Genma had to train the… the… um… Ranma in the martial arts and…*glurk!*…” Soun began but his voice was cut-off by the sound of wood meeting cranium. A rolling pin most likely…

“No…” (clang) “More…” (bang) “…Excuses!” (pow) Kimiko shouted at her loving husband with extreme prejudice… and a rolling pin…

“And you…” (crack) “horrible…” (swish) “for a $%^#^@%#$ and ^()@!#...” (thud) Kimiko shouted working her magic on Genma…

Moments of silence pass for the 3 and ¾ women in the dining room as they exchange nervous looks.

With a gulp Ranma glanced at the door and said, “Should one of us… you know, check on them?”

"is that really so fair…" I'd just use a question mark after fair instead of "..." follow by "I mean,". "in the art" would suffice. "cut-off" no hyphen!
"“And you…” (crack) “horrible…” (swish) “for a $%^#^@%#$ and ^()@!#...” (thud) Kimiko shouted working her magic on Genma…"
you mean "horrible... (swish) excuse... (bang) for a" or something like that
"silence passed" past tense remember. "exchanged" more tenses.

Just as the Tendo Three were about to shake their heads, the door slowly creaked open drawing their attention to it… And then Kimiko stepped through, demurely patting down her slightly mussed hair with one hand as the other carried a rolling pin.

She smiled sweetly as she sat herself at the head of the table, leaving the rolling pin to thunk onto the top, then looked at Ranma with a look that froze him/her and said, “Now Ranma… care to explain what it is you were doing to my little Kasumi-chan in the bath?”

Ranma just stared at the seemingly nice brown-haired housewife, and gasped like a fish as she “Erked!” and fumbled with “Wells…” and “Um’s…” and even a few nervous “Ah’s!...”

Using "..." too much, try to avoid using it so often. "the table, leaving the" no comma needed. "onto the top, then" change comma to period followed by "Then she looked. "with a look that made him/her freeze" sounds better. "Now Ranma," too many "..."! "brown-haired housewife, and" no comma needed. No need quotations around Erked, Wells..., Ums or Ahs... no apostrophy on those either.

Interesting start for the chapter. Why break dishes tho? Why not bang with pots and pans? Ceramics aren't cheap!!! I decided to give you the full treatment on this chapter as there were a lot of grammar errors. I am no PHD in english but I think my corrections are good enough! Keep writing and I'll keep reading... until something happens that makes me either lose interest or become disgusted anyways :p.

[Goldarmy]

The argument scene isn't believable. It doesn't make sense for Kimiko not knowing the arrangement in all those years, especially when she is in contact with Nodoka. It is one thing to hiding arranged marriage's knowledge from your kids, hiding it from your wife is a thing whole another. The Idiotic Duo should have persuaded Mrs. Tendo until now. The reason for argument should be the hair pulling "hot water turns you back. It isn't a problem at all" attitude and Soun immediately showing marriage down the kids throats.

[_Xellos_]

The argument scene isn't believable. It doesn't make sense for Kimiko not knowing the arrangement in all those years, especially when she is in contact with Nodoka. It is one thing to hiding arranged marriage's knowledge from your kids, hiding it from your wife is a thing whole another. The Idiotic Duo should have persuaded Mrs. Tendo until now. The reason for argument should be the hair pulling "hot water turns you back. It isn't a problem at all" attitude and Soun immediately showing marriage down the kids throats.

I don't think that Nodoka knew about the engagement until she showed up at the Tendo in manga. After all Genma and Soun seemed to be keeping it a secret to spring on their children until last moment. That way there'd be less chance their children could figure a way out of it and would then have to accept it.

[Tuisto]

It doesn't make sense for Kimiko not knowing the arrangement in all those years,

I think I'm going with Soun and Genma keeping the engagement a mostly forgotten secret all those years, and so neither Nodoka nor Kimiko or the respective children knew anything of the sort until is was sprung on them.


Also, I'm working on Kuno's character, and to everyone, I must ask: Is it going too far having Kuno being shamed after Kimiko shut-down the morning fights, to go slightly... odd... become a raging leather wearing gay man, and become infatuated with Ranma's all-boy form that will rarely be seen? Furthermore, Kuno will endevour to prove that Ranma-futa is in fact a boy so he can date him... I'm trying to turn a bit of My Two Wings into here, if you follow what I'm getting at...
If you all think this idea is too complex or horrific, I'll just skip it.

[_Xellos_]

It doesn't make sense for Kimiko not knowing the arrangement in all those years,

I think I'm going with Soun and Genma keeping the engagement a mostly forgotten secret all those years, and so neither Nodoka nor Kimiko or the respective children knew anything of the sort until is was sprung on them.


Also, I'm working on Kuno's character, and to everyone, I must ask: Is it going too far having Kuno being shamed after Kimiko shut-down the morning fights, to go slightly... odd... become a raging leather wearing gay man, and become infatuated with Ranma's all-boy form that will rarely be seen? Furthermore, Kuno will endevour to prove that Ranma-futa is in fact a boy so he can date him... I'm trying to turn a bit of My Two Wings into here, if you follow what I'm getting at...
If you all think this idea is too complex or horrific, I'll just skip it.

Kuno gay?

I say go for it!

[wildeman]

Why not just have Mrs. Kuno live as well.

[Goldarmy]

I think I'm going with Soun and Genma keeping the engagement a mostly forgotten secret all those years, and so neither Nodoka nor Kimiko or the respective children knew anything of the sort until is was sprung on them.

Why? What is your reason to have it beside having a Kimiko beating Genma and Soun in kitchen scene?

It makes absolutely no sense for not telling wives, even for Idiotic Duo. They would need them on their side to face the kids when the time comes. And it isn’t like a traditional Japanese woman like Nodoka would oppose arranged marriage either. Also Kimiko can be fooled with the "Don’t worry honey, if the kids don’t want to marry in the end I won’t push it". But with your way the only logical move would be Kimiko ending engagement and kicking Saotome males out into street.

Also, I'm working on Kuno's character, and to everyone, I must ask: Is it going too far having Kuno being shamed after Kimiko shut-down the morning fights, to go slightly... odd... become a raging leather wearing gay man, and become infatuated with Ranma's all-boy form that will rarely be seen? Furthermore, Kuno will endevour to prove that Ranma-futa is in fact a boy so he can date him...

Yes, it will be too much, firstly because it will need an Act of God to bypass his delusions to shame him. And frankly making him gay is a bit cop out. Instead after learning true extent of the girl form, make him try and succeed to overcome his prejudices and come to accept Ranma as the person he/she is.

Why not just have Mrs. Kuno live as well.

Who is saying that she is dead? She might have runaway with another person or simply divorced Principal.

[Tuisto]

Why? What is your reason to have it beside having a Kimiko beating Genma and Soun in kitchen scene?

Because it's funny, duh! I'm not going for a serious fic here. Believable within the Ranma and MtW universes, yes, but not serious. Parody and Comedy is the key here freind.
It seems from your comments, you're not quite grasping that I'm more or less mutilating the usual Ranma story line and characters, with mild-OOCness and an even more insane plot than normal...

Instead after learning true extent of the girl form, make him try and succeed to overcome his prejudices and come to accept Ranma as the person he/she is.

That's so corny, I think I threw-up a little in my mouth...
If you knew My Two Wings, you'd know about the lesbian girl (whose name escapes me) who plays a big role in the manga for pursuing Makoto (and her sapphistic lover trying to prove Makoto is a boy). I was thinking of turning that around somewhat for Kuno.

Why not just have Mrs. Kuno live as well.

Who is saying that she is dead? She might have runaway with another person or simply divorced Principal.[/quote]
You know, it never even entered my mind to consider have Mrs.Kuno in the scene, I might be able to use that... yes... that might just work... Mrs. Tendo and Mrs. Kuno together publicly ganging up on Tatewaki and his delusional amour... then much school yard laughs and taunts of his peers and classmates at being yelled at by his mommy... I'll have to consider this in depth... hmm...

[Goldarmy]

Because it's funny, duh! I'm not going for a serious fic here. Believable within the Ranma and MtW universes, yes, but not serious. Parody and Comedy is the key here friend.
It seems from your comments, you're not quite grasping that I'm more or less mutilating the usual Ranma story line and characters, with mild-OOCness and an even more insane plot than normal...

And it doesn’t hurt for a comedy have a strong plot. The problem isn’t that you aren’t doing a serious fic. The problem is that you are making plot holes.

You want a scene where Kimiko beats two fools, fine after the “no problem at all, choose one” scene she can drag them to kitchen and shove some sense into their heads.

If you knew My Two Wings, you'd know about the lesbian girl (whose name escapes me) who plays a big role in the manga for pursuing Makoto (and her sapphistic lover trying to prove Makoto is a boy). I was thinking of turning that around somewhat for Kuno.

Her name is Kanna and she decided to be with Makoto after learning the truth , even though her lesbianism didn’t change one bit. Which is a more appropriate path for Kuno, since that way he is the turned around version of Kanna.