Wild Magic Chapter 22 (Finished look on page 4)

[Atlan]

A much better version of the chapter.

You've covered the friends-in-japan well enough that you could litterly start the next chapter with Ranma in the ship, heading off to Mau.

Excelent as always.

[Dumbledork]

I love the additions. Brilliant.

[bissek]

With the comment about Tenchi characters drinking, you should also mention the importance of keeping Washu sober.

In the manga, before Ryoko was born, Washu ended up in a combination debate/drinking contest with a scientist named Yume, one of the few people in the academy with a mind at her level. They ended up making a stupid bet about conquering Jurai (Which Washu forgot about after she passed out). Yume went on working her half of the bet, hijacked a tree-ship, managed to seize control of its light-hawk wing function, and made a serious effort at conquering Jurai. Unfortunately, the tree ship went out of control and nearly destroyed three solar systems before Tsunami intervened.

If you have Washu encounter minds at her level, make sure that there's no alcohol around.

Hermione at Jinbocho would be nearly as disastrous to their inventory levels as a visit from a Paper Master (Which she is psychologically suited to become).

[jasonjkay]

I finally understand what my problem was earlier with Noike. I just finished re-reading all of wild magic and Noike was only very breifly mentioned in 2-3 chapters, I think it was a one sentence mention in each chapter she's in. She didn't stick in my head as a charachter in this fic so when she showed up in this chapter in the earlier draft, it didn't seem to fit as it was just a quick sentence again. Im glad to see that she's in this a bit more, as it makes a bit more sense her being there. Good chapter, cant wait for the next one.

[Anime_Freak317]

Nice additions. I also liked how you had another 'brainiac' into the mix. Washu, Ami, and Hermione...the horrors they could come up with. Scarrrrryyyyy

So the Trio from Hogwarts is going to be dropped off in the next chapter. Alright.

Ukyo got fed up with not being 'told' that Ranma was reborn, I guess that leaves what's going on with Kasumi and Nabiki. The old ones, Cologne, Genma, and Soun, don't matter to me. Nor do the Kuno's. Let the men rot, the rose wither...but let the gould have her moment at some point.

[KonokoHasano]

Nice addition of more interaction with her friends.

When did Gosaria learn about her own past life, I don't remember reading about that?

I guess I should rephrase the paragraph to say that she started to gain memories. She's been coming about random flashes and things for a while, such as in chapter 11. In fact, it was a chapter where Nashigi also began to gain flashes of her past life.

“What in the hellOW!” The tall boy had begun to be pelted by his younger sister who happened to be swinging a large tree branch like a sword. “What the hell are you doing Gosaria? Ouch!” He had suddenly found his face being scratched by the claws of Laira. “GAH!”

Ranma stared blankly as the slightly crazy boy began to run around with one arm encased in ice, a cabbit clawing his face, and his sister chasing after him while swinging a tree branch as if it were a sword. “Ooohohohohohooo!” The redhead cringed at the laugh of her somewhat friend and rival. “You thought you could sneak out of here and get your revenge on Lina with such a terrible curse. You didn’t expect that I, Nashigi the Serpent, would spot you. You were a fool. Ooohohohohohooo!”

Nothing like waving a tree branch around like a sword. XD

When I saw that you made Sakura an aspiring manga artist, I started wondering if you should have named her Haruna instead.

Why the name Haruna?

A much better version of the chapter.

You've covered the friends-in-japan well enough that you could litterly start the next chapter with Ranma in the ship, heading off to Mau.

Thanks, and I've actually thought about a scene that could be done before Ranma fully leaves on her trip. She still has to take her friends home before heading off into space. I've also been thinking for quite a while that -- as she and the girls are about to board Laira -- Washu actually makes that whole threat/promise on stealing Ranma's first kiss a reality... and in front of the entire Masaki household AND Hermione, Gosaria, and Nashigi.

Dumbledork: Thanks

Bissek: Just the very thought of Washu getting drunk is... scary as hell. In the very same vein of things, Ranma getting drunk would be even scarier. Being hopped up on cat-nip was disturbing enough, could you imagine her DRUNK?

Hermione as a Paper Master... jeez, now I have that idea flowing through my mind.

jasonjkay: Yeah, I blame the problem because -- during the time I did the Christmas holiday chapters -- I couldn't figure out how to include Noike very well since I wasn't too familiar with OVA 3 and didn't include her in chapter 14 when I should have.

Ukyo got fed up with not being 'told' that Ranma was reborn, I guess that leaves what's going on with Kasumi and Nabiki. The old ones, Cologne, Genma, and Soun, don't matter to me. Nor do the Kuno's. Let the men rot, the rose wither...but let the gould have her moment at some point.

Well, Kasumi knows about Ranma, but she's too busy with her family life. Also -- I mentioned it too briefly during the Christmas holiday chapters, -- Kasumi is married to Tatewaki Kuno. Kuno ended up gradually coming out of his delusions, but he's still eccentric. The pairing is odd, but eh.

Nabiki... I haven't really considered what she'd be up to these days.

Genma actually -- reluctantly -- has a day job and is very protective of Sakura after finally coming to terms that the girl doesn't want to become a martial artist.

Also, I originally planned on having a scene in this chapter of Ranma and the girls visiting the NekoHanten. Yeah, Shampoo is still in Nerima, but that's because she's going through training to become a future matriarch, and that involves spending a few years learning culture and various things in a different country, so she decided on the place she was more familiar with. I haven't thought about what to do with Mousse...

Also within that NekoHanten trip I decided to scrap, Ranma would also see Cologne. The woman is truly beginning to show her old age, and I'm thinking -- within this story -- that she'll only have a couple more years left.

[Atlan]

Why the name Haruna?

I know the awnser to that one.

Negima! has a class of 32 girls as the cast. One of the characters, Haruna Saotome, is a manga publisher, under the alias Paru. Despite being, like, 14, she has an ongoing series.

As part of her Pactio with Negi, she has the ability to create solid holograms by drawing them in mid air.

[KonokoHasano]

Ah, she's from Negima.

I actually have two volumes of the Negima manga... I just haven't read the series enough to know all of the characters except for Negi.

I really do need to read more of that series...

Honestly, I wonder how many more people will ask if Sakura is going to become a card captor. I've already had people ask that. XD

Honestly, it would be weird...

[Spokavriel]

Big post for a big chapter but I've had longer by far in comments. Great work!

The idea was odd, but considering everything they’ve learned and witnessed, it wasn’t that unbelievable and weird.

I'm not sure why but I keep feeling "or" would fit better between "unbelievable" and "weird" than and after you already used and earlier in the sentence.

Ranma was actually glad that she hadn’t use any magic spells during the fight, because she could now use her mana to heal herself.

Wrong tense used instead of use.

“Ha, so you still have SOME feeling of non-comfort!”

Discomfort is the word I know non-comfort may show up in a google search but it doesn't show up in results with a definition.

Ranma was brought out of her musings when Nashigi, along with Hermione and Gosaria, made their way into the water next to her.

Nothing really wrong with this but you announce all 3 entering just a couple paragraphs before. You could get away with something more concise like 'her Hogwarts friends' since all 3 are taking the same action.

“The Sailor Senshi uniform of the Solar System didn’t exactly start out as the way it does now.

Of this or of our. I can see descriptions going a long way being general about the local system but you might want to come up with a system name that isn't Sol or Terra considering the whole area except for earth was part of the Silver Millennium when the information was last updated. Possibly even call it Serenities system. Also you might want to say "didn't start out looking as it does now" right now it's a bit muddled.

Thought of a reason for it to still be the Sol system Serenities Omnipresent Legacy. And people could forget that and just think it was short for solar.

Second post.

Yeah having the Hogwarts Trio of friends listed every time is getting a bit grating after getting to where Ranma/Lina is doing her punishment chores.

She guessed that she really would have to make that trip to Okayama sometime in the figure.

Future.

Third post. If this isn't your longest chapter I have to wonder what content in the others I missed before

Still, they both found it themselves amazed by the fact that their friend could do something like she was doing.

That it doesn't fit.

xxA.Nxx
Holy crud in a barrel, this chapter turned out hellishly long, and the summer vacation has turned out longer than I had originally expected it would.

Yeah no kidding.

Anyway, onto an interesting thought that I’ve been wondering. What would happen if Washu, Ranma, Hermione, Skuld, Ami Mizuno, and -- just for the hell of it -- Kaolla Su ever got together in one room and combine their intellects and knowledge of various things

The mental image of it is rather… disturbing. The world -- no, universe -- would be doomed beyond repair.

If you can pull it off I would love to see it. Although my question is what wouldn't they make? Heck they'll have access to all of Washu's resources and all that Silver Millennium knowledge to play with. Maybe they could even recreate all the devices just for fun.

Comments on comments I guess.

When did Gosaria learn about her own past life, I don't remember reading about that?

Great question. There is nothing I can remember that would have let her know of the past life.

I guess I should rephrase the paragraph to say that she started to gain memories. She's been coming about random flashes and things for a while, such as in chapter 11. In fact, it was a chapter where Nashigi also began to gain flashes of her past life.

Maybe you could change it to say it seemed more like things from that guy she sometimes dreamed about being instead of making it a clear statement of remembering the past life. Really only Lina so far has had proof of the former existences. Others may suspect but it helps to show the dreams before the suspicions.

Hermione at Jinbocho would be nearly as disastrous to their inventory levels as a visit from a Paper Master (Which she is psychologically suited to become).

Paper Master Granger. It sounds interesting but I don't think she manages to obsess that much.

Let the men rot, the rose wither...but let the gould have her moment at some point.

I agree with this whole heartedly. Cologne is one of my favorite characters. She needs to come into this at some point. Heck imagine if Washu could do something to help with her apparent age.

Also within that NekoHanten trip I decided to scrap, Ranma would also see Cologne. The woman is truly beginning to show her old age, and I'm thinking -- within this story -- that she'll only have a couple more years left.

There are allot of stories where Cologne passes away where it is done beautifully. And although I don't want it to happen I feel you could do the same. Still I would rather it happen allot later than just a couple years into the future of this fic. Think about it who better to trust to help with Sakura's magic while Lina's at Hogwarts? The Amazons clearly no Magics even without being designated parts of the wizarding world. Heck the entire Jusendo/Jusenkyo area of the Byankala mountains fit outside of what would be common muggle knowledge.

Edit: Hello typing with blinders. Laira consumed the stone. What if somehow just coming in contact with someone so far beyond their natural age limitation causes some reaction between her and Cologne? There are lots of possibilities. Even a chance of an accidental spray of that "Acid" turning out to really be the elixir and the burning happens because some things have no need for the power it contains.

[bissek]

Bissek: Just the very thought of Washu getting drunk is... scary as hell. In the very same vein of things, Ranma getting drunk would be even scarier. Being hopped up on cat-nip was disturbing enough, could you imagine her DRUNK?

Fortunately, Washu has a very large capacity. In the incident I mentioned, Washu and Yume ended going though virtually every bottle of liquor in the bar before they reached the point of making stupid, universe-threatening bets. But since Washu passed out and Yume was able to leave the bar under her own power, there are still people out there who can drink her under the table.

[KonokoHasano]

Still I would rather it happen allot later than just a couple years into the future of this fic. Think about it who better to trust to help with Sakura's magic while Lina's at Hogwarts? The Amazons clearly no Magics even without being designated parts of the wizarding world. Heck the entire Jusendo/Jusenkyo area of the Byankala mountains fit outside of what would be common muggle knowledge.

Something I had a thought of was actually thinking up a Japanese-based magical school that Sakura could end up going to. That in itself would be an incredibly massive undertaking, and require thinking up a completely different system, atmosphere, location, classes, etc.

It's a dizzying thought. x_x

Laira consumed the stone. What if somehow just coming in contact with someone so far beyond their natural age limitation causes some reaction between her and Cologne? There are lots of possibilities. Even a chance of an accidental spray of that "Acid" turning out to really be the elixir and the burning happens because some things have no need for the power it contains.

It's possible, although something I've been thinking is that Laira has access to the liquid while in ship form, and she can shoot it out of a special cannon.

A basic thought is that it could be acidic in nature and painfully burns anything and everything; melting inorganic material, plant life, etc, but is only searingly painful to people and animals. If it is used straight out as it is, it will be what it seems like.

However, if it is mixed properly and is allowed to dilute a little, it could very well have the ability to extend one's life. However, the normal process of doing that would take a couple months or more.

Of course, when/if Ranma and Laira ever find out about it, I doubt they'd go blabbing about the effects of the diluted and mixed liquid. The very idea of something that actually extends one's life would cause massive havoc.

....

Just like how the Ginzuisho/Silver Crystal allows people to live long lives.

huh...

[jasonjkay]

Just a couple of possible corrections that I noticed while reading this again.

She didn’t know whether to be embarrassed or freaked out by that entire paragraph.

The word 'paragraph' is more for written words than spoken according to my dictionary. It looks wrong to me to leave it in, i'm not sure what would be a suitable replacement.

“We’ve known each other for nine years… even thought I can’t remember the first three years.”

'thought' is wrong, I think it's 'though'

Laira, thought, was able to provide the redhead a sound challenge in the games.

Same problem 'thought' instead of 'though'

Um thats it for mistakes, now just a few questions I was wondering about.

In Ch18 you had Xellos meeting with the reincarnations of Filia and Zelgadis. Now with quite a few characters getting more powerfull due to past life memories, and Ranma getting more powerfull all the time, have you got some sort of really powerfull demon thingy thats way more powerfull than voldemort? Possibly an enemy from the Slayers anime? Or is everybody getting together to defeat voldemort? In which case unless he gets more dark creatures and allies than in the books, Killing voldemort would be more like overkill.

[KonokoHasano]

In Ch18 you had Xellos meeting with the reincarnations of Filia and Zelgadis. Now with quite a few characters getting more powerfull due to past life memories, and Ranma getting more powerfull all the time, have you got some sort of really powerfull demon thingy thats way more powerfull than voldemort? Possibly an enemy from the Slayers anime? Or is everybody getting together to defeat voldemort? In which case unless he gets more dark creatures and allies than in the books, Killing voldemort would be more like overkill.

I've actually had Dynast Grausherra -- a subordinate of Ruby-Eye Shabranigdo -- in mind. He's basically the one who sent Razzlof.

But it would make sense to create some other powerful demons that would require help to defeat. That's something I'll have to think about.


Something else I've been trying to think about is what the culture of Mau and the other planets in that star system would be like. I've considered a few things.

The planets Mau and Chu could contain highly advanced cities, but -- at the same time -- remain close to nature with several forests and lakes.

The Planet Mermaid could -- possibly -- consist of a great deal more ocean than land, and domed underwater cities could be a possibility. There'd also be several land-based cities and towns, but most of the populace would be in the underwater domes.

The Planet Coronis... I'm honestly unsure. I'm also unsure about Planet Cocoon as well. I'd imagine the latter would be home to an incredible amount of flowers.

The main one I need to think about, though, is Mau. Along with being advanced and still close to nature, it -- along with the other planets -- could also be somewhat magic oriented.

[jasonjkay]

I've actually had Dynast Grausherra -- a subordinate of Ruby-Eye Shabranigdo -- in mind. He's basically the one who sent Razzlof.

Oh yea, I forgot about that guy. Still im glad it's not just voldemort or as I said, that would be overkill.

The planets Mau and Chu could contain highly advanced cities, but -- at the same time -- remain close to nature with several forests and lakes.

The Planet Mermaid could -- possibly -- consist of a great deal more ocean than land, and domed underwater cities could be a possibility. There'd also be several land-based cities and towns, but most of the populace would be in the underwater domes.

Do these planets already exist in an anime or manga? or are you making them up? Also the planet mermaid, is that named that because eveybody lives underwater? or are ther actually mermaids ther? Still at least Ranma wont have any trouble on a water world, not needing oxygen.

Anyway, you should definately focus more on Mau, than any other planets. Ranma has more in common with Mau, whilst travelling to other planets whilst might be fun, I feel it would sidetrack from the main story too much. Unless of coarse you can come up with a good reason to visit other planets other than just curiouse.

[KonokoHasano]

Do these planets already exist in an anime or manga? or are you making them up? Also the planet mermaid, is that named that because eveybody lives underwater? or are ther actually mermaids ther? Still at least Ranma wont have any trouble on a water world, not needing oxygen.

I'm unsure about the anime -- since the Sailor Stars arc completely butchered the series and deviated so much from the manga that it's not funny, -- but they are real planets in the manga.

The Sailor Animamates who worked for Galaxia destroyed their home planets and stole the Sailor Crystal of the Senshi of their home planet for Galaxia, since Galaxia promised them that she'd help them become true Sailor Senshi.

However, Sailors Lethe & Mnemosyne and Chi & Phi were true Senshi of their own planets that joined Galaxia.

Sailor Iron Mouse helped bring ruin to Planet Chu AND stole Sailor Chu's Sailor Crystal.

Sailor Aluminum Siren helped bring ruin to Planet Mermaid AND stole Sailor Mermaid's Sailor Crystal

Sailor Lead Crow helped do the same thing to Planet and Sailor Coronis. She also killed Phobos and Deimos -- Rei's guardian crows who were really from Coronis as well.

Sailor Tin Nyanko helped do it to Planet and Sailor Mau as well. Luna and Artemis are from the Planet Mau, and Nyanko attacked them -- along with Diana -- during the last manga arc just like Lead Crow did to Phobos and Deimos.

Sailor Heavy Metal Papillon was responsible for the death of Sailor Cocoon.

The manga never went into detail about anything of the planets, what the people actually looked like or could do, how the culture was, etc. Meaning I'd have to figure that all out for the story.