The Prospective Senshi (Chapter 10 - Epilogue)

[Crescent Pulsar R]

I can't say that I was able to grasp what you were saying in the first paragraph... It confused me.

As for Kuno's survival, the result you gave is more or less what I'm going to do, save that Shampoo will be included.

Well, there's a reason for why the guardian cats decided to do it that way, which was implied when they were talking. In the end, all that they really need to do is have Ranma come into contact with the senshi, and hope that it sets the stage for something that they suspect will happen.

[Wyrd]

While I don't dislike the part with the gender change for Konatsu it does ruin the whole past life, parents wanted her to be a boy thing because it would be absurd to think that only past-Ranma was able to do such a thing. On top of her being not only able to figure out how to do it but the reversal. So if the past life's parents were in the way I get from your writing, they would have switched her at or shortly after birth and had the child they wanted.

We don't know how easy that magic was--in fact, someone who was described as the best healer in the world had to exhaust herself to the point of unconsciousness to cast it. Yes, Ranma's magic reserves might not be as high as Hestia's were, if magic and ki are different, but that still suggests that it might have been prohibitively difficult. There is also the fact that they had a son as well as a daughter. Both were useful to them for different political reasons. There may have been some stigma attached to using transformation magic to change a baby's gender, or it might be unsafe to change someone that young, so they could have been planning on changing Hestia when she was old enough if they didn't manage to have a son.

Hestia wanted to be a boy because she would have more freedom, though how little her brother had suggests that it would not have been a lot more. Still, getting dirty like she did would have been much more acceptable.

Kuno not dying should make it very obvious to Kodachi that either Ukyo or Akane fixed him unless she made it so it would wear off. (easy way around that) However you could use that with her accusing one of them of holding out or something and that leads into all 3 getting paranoid that someone new is around or getting suspicions about Ranma.

Tofu is a skilled enough physician with knowledge of so many esoteric techniques that the girls would probably buy that he was able to do something about it, expecially if ki and magic are different and they weren't all that familiar with ki in their prior lives. Without that knowledge, they wouldn't know how ki healing techniques would interact with their spells. Akane could suspect Tofu of treating Nabiki after this, which could start an interesting subplot.

Also, none of them would know that Hestia knew a way to fix it. Desdemona only used the potion against her once, and it took Hestia years to figure out how to cure someone without killing them. None of the other girls would have bothered with that much effort just so they could help someone else, so they wouldn't think of someone else doing so. They were just too self-centered, too much a bunch of spoiled brats.

[LawOhki]

Unrelated to prior stuff but use of mallets by Akane is so absurdly overdone that it should die in a fire. Especially if she just randomly pulls one out of her ass to smack Ranma with.

I can't say that I was able to grasp what you were saying in the first paragraph... It confused me.

I was saying that you made it a psychological component for Hestia that her parents wanted a son. But you've given a way for them to have "fixed" that quite easily and could have been done before anyone knew that they had a girl. Because unless she was really really super special with magic, that kind of thing should have been available. So why wouldn't they have used it?

It's been a little bit since I read that part but wasn't Earth male centric and her parents were just finding a use for her?

Well, there's a reason for why the guardian cats decided to do it that way, which was implied when they were talking. In the end, all that they really need to do is have Ranma come into contact with the senshi, and hope that it sets the stage for something that they suspect will happen.

Well yes it does put the blame on them but would not being open and honest about their intentions be better? They don't have to outright say "we want you!!!!" but misleading Ranma isn't going to end well. Doubly so because it's a cat that's doing it and Phoebe should know Ranma has an issue with cats.

Tofu is a skilled enough physician with knowledge of so many esoteric techniques that the girls would probably buy that he was able to do something about it, expecially if ki and magic are different and they weren't all that familiar with ki in their prior lives. Without that knowledge, they wouldn't know how ki healing techniques would interact with their spells. Akane could suspect Tofu of treating Nabiki after this, which could start an interesting subplot.

Tofu knew some pressure points and that was about it for anything past chiropractic/basic medical knowledge. There's a reason he was replaced with Cologne for the wise elder figure.

Also, none of them would know that Hestia knew a way to fix it. Desdemona only used the potion against her once, and it took Hestia years to figure out how to cure someone without killing them. None of the other girls would have bothered with that much effort just so they could help someone else, so they wouldn't think of someone else doing so. They were just too self-centered, too much a bunch of spoiled brats.

The text indicates that she learned how to do it only after it was too late for the original guy (so not years) and that Desdemona knew that Hestia could do it. Although why Ranma concludes that Kodachi could only conclude that Hestia was the one to cure it I'm not sure. I really don't remember Crescent indicating that Hestia was just a beyond super special snowflake magically only that she was very skilled. With how the magical arrays seem to function as simpler spells combining to do complex actions, that seems unlikely unless she was a prodigy at seeing the results that others wouldn't be able to.

[Wyrd]

The text indicates that she learned how to do it only after it was too late for the original guy (so not years) and that Desdemona knew that Hestia could do it.

There is a later line that talked about it taking years to develop the cure that she never needed to use again. The wording is a little funny, so that may not have been what the author intended.

I really don't remember Crescent indicating that Hestia was just a beyond super special snowflake magically only that she was very skilled. With how the magical arrays seem to function as simpler spells combining to do complex actions, that seems unlikely unless she was a prodigy at seeing the results that others wouldn't be able to.

There was a line earlier in the story that Hestia was probably the single most skilled healer in the world. She apparently studied it as assiduously and effectively as Ranma studies martial arts, in large part(this is my inference of the subtext) because she feared the damage the others could/would do to those around her in their attempts to remove her as competition. There were probably more skilled healers on other planets, but that doesn't make her accomplishments any less impressive

[LawOhki]

There is a later line that talked about it taking years to develop the cure that she never needed to use again. The wording is a little funny, so that may not have been what the author intended.

This part?

"As Ranma drew two pairs of wings, which were symbols that represented freedom, she considered herself lucky. Her memories as Hestia were only a day old, and they felt just as fresh when she recalled them, rather than how old they would have been for Hestia herself. That allowed her to remember what she needed to do with confidence, since Hestia may not have remembered all of the details after a few years of learning something that she had (thankfully) never had the need to call up again.

Unless I am way off base that's talking about how because Hestia learned it years ago (not taken years to learn) and she would have not been as familiar with it but because Ranma had a sudden memory dump it was fresh in his head.

There was a line earlier in the story that Hestia was probably the single most skilled healer in the world. She apparently studied it as assiduously and effectively as Ranma studies martial arts, in large part(this is my inference of the subtext) because she feared the damage the others could/would do to those around her in their attempts to remove her as competition. There were probably more skilled healers on other planets, but that doesn't make her accomplishments any less impressive

I don't remember seeing anything to that effect and going back to look I didn't find anything on a quick glance.

I'm also reminded that I wanted to say that amnesia episode did not happen in the manga so please be sure to indicate that you're using the anime "canon".

[Crescent Pulsar R]

Hestia wanted to be a boy because she would have more freedom, though how little her brother had suggests that it would not have been a lot more. Still, getting dirty like she did would have been much more acceptable.

Just wanted to point out that she wanted the same freedom as men, such as the women of Hippolyta's tribe had. Though, depending on the circumstances, becoming male wouldn't have been off of the table.

Unrelated to prior stuff but use of mallets by Akane is so absurdly overdone that it should die in a fire. Especially if she just randomly pulls one out of her ass to smack Ranma with.

Well, she does use a mallet often enough. Though I don't plan for her to pull it out that often.

I was saying that you made it a psychological component for Hestia that her parents wanted a son. But you've given a way for them to have "fixed" that quite easily and could have been done before anyone knew that they had a girl. Because unless she was really really super special with magic, that kind of thing should have been available. So why wouldn't they have used it?

Ah, I see what you mean, now.

I haven't put too much thought into it before now, so the original idea was that one daughter would be fine, because the Golden kingdom had sired a prince a few years before and the less age difference for marriage, the better. This is in part due to already having relations with a branch of the Golden kingdom's royal family, through Hestia's mother, whose sister bore Beryl. The Golden kingdom is the most powerful and all that, so Hestia's kingdom (haven't thought of a name for it, yet ;/ ) was the target of a lot of negative feelings from the other kingdoms, which reached Hestia through others of her age. It was particularly bad because it had been done during the time when the kingdoms could not openly fight each other.

Since magic has come up as an issue, I guess I can water the small seed that I put into the story, just in case.

It's been a little bit since I read that part but wasn't Earth male centric and her parents were just finding a use for her?

Yeah. They weren't going to gain anything with the Golden kingdom through a son, so what they wanted from him was different yet still more important, since he's the heir to the kingdom. Having a daughter probably wouldn't have been desired at all if Endymion hadn't first been born, and the bit about possibly becoming a senshi had simply been a very nice bonus.

Well yes it does put the blame on them but would not being open and honest about their intentions be better? They don't have to outright say "we want you!!!!" but misleading Ranma isn't going to end well. Doubly so because it's a cat that's doing it and Phoebe should know Ranma has an issue with cats.

If they were up front with Ranma, he would refuse to see them, because he will suspect that they will try to subtly work on him in order to get him to join the rite of succession, no matter what they say their intentions are. There are a few other, not-so-obvious things, but I don't want to give them away. X3

The text indicates that she learned how to do it only after it was too late for the original guy (so not years) and that Desdemona knew that Hestia could do it. Although why Ranma concludes that Kodachi could only conclude that Hestia was the one to cure it I'm not sure. I really don't remember Crescent indicating that Hestia was just a beyond super special snowflake magically only that she was very skilled. With how the magical arrays seem to function as simpler spells combining to do complex actions, that seems unlikely unless she was a prodigy at seeing the results that others wouldn't be able to.

Like Ami, Hestia was a bit of a book worm. When she pursued the healing arts, she chose a style that better suited the amount of magical power that she had at her command. Otherwise she could have been like that other healer, using a special blend of stuff-muck to apply to the body, because she didn't have all that much in the way of reserves. So she was somewhat special, but mostly skilled.

I don't really like the whole blood-deciding factor when it comes to being able to use magic, and how much it can be used, but I have enough on my plate with this story and it would make things easier for me. So the use of magic, particularly powerful magic, isn't so widespread, and many who were apt at it were bred into the noble and elite families.

As for why Ranma would be concerned about Kodachi... It is because he is aware that he's likely the only (known) healer of his caliber (save Hotaru, Usagi and Mamoru) left on Earth, in the modern day, and Kodachi knows that the redheaded Ranma is Hestia's reincarnation. Kodachi likely doesn't know anyone else who might have the potential to heal Kuno, unlike Akane and Shampoo (and possibly Ukyo), who definitely know of doctor Tofu.

There was a line earlier in the story that Hestia was probably the single most skilled healer in the world.

She was reputed to be the best healer on Earth. I put it that way since it suggests popular opinion, meaning that she may not have been the best on Earth at the time. But she was definitely pretty good, in order to be recognized.

I'm also reminded that I wanted to say that amnesia episode did not happen in the manga so please be sure to indicate that you're using the anime "canon".

Well, I'm not using the anime canon; not as a base, anyway. I'm using that episode out of convenience, mostly. Kind of like how multitudes of authors choose to give Ranma red hair in his cursed form even if they strictly follow the manga in all else.

[LawOhki]

Well, she does use a mallet often enough. Though I don't plan for her to pull it out that often.

Very rarely does she use a mallet and like being kidnapped, Ranma is just as likely if not more so to use one.

If they were up front with Ranma, he would refuse to see them, because he will suspect that they will try to subtly work on him in order to get him to join the rite of succession, no matter what they say their intentions are. There are a few other, not-so-obvious things, but I don't want to give them away. X3

And getting Ranma to suspiciously come into contact with them through Phoebe wouldn't look like they are trying to get Ranma to join in? That should almost be an instant backlash when Ranma figures out who he's visiting.

I just really think that an open notice about where Ranma could find them would work better than a direct setup. Have it be seen as more of a possible support network for displaced memories from dead people.

Well, I'm not using the anime canon; not as a base, anyway. I'm using that episode out of convenience, mostly. Kind of like how multitudes of authors choose to give Ranma red hair in his cursed form even if they strictly follow the manga in all else.

Well actually Ranma's hair is only known not to change, not what color it is.

[Crescent Pulsar R]

Very rarely does she use a mallet and like being kidnapped, Ranma is just as likely if not more so to use one.

I know that Akane is more likely to use the nearest blunt instrument than a mallet, or to simply punch or punt Ranma away, but I can't say that I can recall Ranma using a mallet... Not that he never did, but certainly not often enough to stick out.

EDIT: I think I recall him using a mallet twice: one time against Happosai, but couldn't lift it; and the other against Ryoga, to get rid of the mark of the battling god.

And getting Ranma to suspiciously come into contact with them through Phoebe wouldn't look like they are trying to get Ranma to join in? That should almost be an instant backlash when Ranma figures out who he's visiting.

I just really think that an open notice about where Ranma could find them would work better than a direct setup. Have it be seen as more of a possible support network for displaced memories from dead people.

Well, the problem is that they're trying to accomplish more than one thing. On the surface what they are doing won't make much sense, but they already know that Ranma would avoid them, and thus giving an open notice wouldn't have the affect that they're after, on either side. Just wait and see what happens, then tell me if it works for you.

Well actually Ranma's hair is only known not to change, not what color it is.

Most would assert that his hair is black; and most colored illustrations use that color for his hair, if I remember correctly. Outside of colored illustrations: considering how Mikado, Azusa, Tsubasa, Picolet, and one of Ranma's friends (I guess they're friends) are examples of blonds/brunettes/redheads, Soun, Genma, Nodoka, Akane, Nabiki, Kasumi, Ranma, Ryoga, Mousse, Shampoo, Kuno, Kodachi, et cetera, whose hair are all inked in the same color, must have black hair because it would be the most likely and believable.

[Wyrd]

And getting Ranma to suspiciously come into contact with them through Phoebe wouldn't look like they are trying to get Ranma to join in? That should almost be an instant backlash when Ranma figures out who he's visiting.

I doubt that Hestia ever met the Senshi in civilian garb, and it looks like the Senshi might not have ever been introduced to Hestia, so the point of the exercise might be to get Ranma familiar with the people who bear the mantle of Senshi, as opposed to meeting them in an official capacity.

Well actually Ranma's hair is only known not to change, not what color it is.

As I recall, Ranma-chan's hair was drawn a different colour on each volume of the manga, where the cover was the only colour image, while Ranma-kun's was always drawn as black. I've seen one fic where this was used to mean that his hair was a random colour every time he changed into a girl.

[Crescent Pulsar R]

Three more chapters for the chopping block.

Okay, there's one thing that I definitely have to get out of the way right now, so there isn't a needless argument about it later: there are no "disguise fields" in this story. Whether you believe that there should be, or would normally contest that an author should observe nothing more than a theory as if it were canon, my decision -- on this particular matter, and for this particular story -- is absolute.

I just don't want anyone wasting their time on it. I'm thinking about you in advance, so rejoice!

Now... I stayed up an extra day and a half trying to finish this up, after all of the delays and distractions I've had. I'm going to catch some Zs and hope my fatigue, in addition to my hunger, didn't affect my writing too badly. Eh. Sounds like the same condition I was in last time... ;/

[Dumbledork]

Great update. I really enjoyed the new chapters. I really like how you have the characters act, especially the thing with Ranma having no firends at school is really interesting. That idea hasn't been used much before.

[frice2000]

but someone as advanced as she could also read a person's personality by looking at their aura,

This is a bit overly convenient. It makes sense I suppose but you say that with lack of disguise field and lack of any other magical protection against loss of identity...It's kind of amazing and beyond belief now that the Senshi's enemies then never discovered who they were. At least make it so that Cologne had to use a magical artifact to do this, or did it purely psychologically/with eavesdropping. Either of those would be a lot more plausible.

Ukyo and Shampoo offered their food at the same time,

No dialogue yet? Making this section feel a little rushed and overly summarized.

the end of her ribbon made a sweep toward the child-teacher's face, who squealed in wide-eyed fright when she saw it coming, seemingly too late.

Considering Hinako has gone one on one with some of the better fighters in the area and that she usually drains first and accuses later...This just sounds like you're under-powering her a bit. If Kodachi isn't using any of her new found magical ability I'm pretty sure Hinako could take her one on one canon wise.

There was no telling if she would be allowed another shot at becoming the Earth's sailor senshi, and she didn't exactly know what could be held against her to dissuade her from trying, if it ever came to that. The fact that her fiancé could become her made the scenario very complicated.

Rephrase that sounds pretty awkward.

by being a more alluring waitress, because he had found out about her status as a princess.

Huh? I don't understand where that thought process is coming from. Considering in the earlier chapters they were much more concerned with secrecy her musings here seem strange.

At one time she had thought that she had found the courage to live her own life, but the events that had led up to her current employment said otherwise.

Considering that Takashi only created him to be used as a prop shell of a character to be a plausible love interest for Ukyo when the inevitable pairing of Ranma/Akane occurred and without further development to differentiate him from the canon portrayal this feels off. He loves the girl that kind of needs to be addressed when you're talking about him.

By the time Hestia had set her up with the prince of the Golden Kingdom, the time that she should have spent with her had been relegated to secret rendezvous with him.

Which should also swing her thoughts around to Beryl and the rather brutal death of her mother and her kingdom and the death of billions . Hey...wait that means Hestia is actually responsible for the death of billions and billions? Guilt later?

she had wondered why she had put up with so much to be with Akane. And now, as she thought about it, it was apparent to her how irrational her attraction to her really was.

Really? I don't like Akane either and I don't like the shoe horning that went on to get them together...But come on he loved the bitch. Don't write now that he only liked her because of past memories of Ami. At least make it a bit more believable. Maybe the initial attraction could plausibly come from subconscious desires from her past life but the attraction he later developed for Akane was his own.

"Are you really Hestia?" Minako suddenly blurted out.
Ranma shrugged her shoulders. "More or less. It's... complicated."

Considering they are all in the same boat wouldn't the question be, 'Were you Hestia?'

is that the Earth is sentient; it can think for itself."

Disappointing. I liked the dynamic you were working with where Ranma was female in her past life, a princess, and a candidate for a senshi but rejected all of those. Was a nice departure from the standard fukufic storyline. Now you're going the more stereotypical route. While obviously I'm not adverse to fukufics I liked the uniqueness that the story had before.

(I don't think I have to tell you where that is.)

Delete.

The Earth Mother said that the queen's beloved daughter would one day walk upon the land once more, except that it would not be on their land.

Prophecy/story here is nice but could use a bit more polishing and detail.

'

"You know, there are many problems in this world, both real and imagined. Which one of the two are yours, I wonder?"

Considering that she will then have four girls trying to outright kill her...I'd say...real?

so she can dash their hopes and dreams.

So Earth is a bitch. Makes perfect sense really .

when you are ready to become queen and make Crystal Tokyo a reality."

Err...so Gaea doesn't glory in the life she supports or anything like that and is willing for the very...bland and lifeless world to come to fruition? I have a hard time reconciling that.

Nabiki gazed at him impassively.

I suppose this is in character for Nabiki...But where has all the fear gone? I mean she should at least be sweating over this decision a little more. I have no problem believing her greed overwhelmed her self-preservation instinct but she should be able to temper this a tad.

"It's okay, Kasumi," Ranma spoke up, who sounded tired

You said something like 'Gaea wanted someone with flaws, etc.' so why then are you making Ranma into such a nice person to not get angry or jump down Nabiki's throat a little here? Would feel...right. Also Hestia herself really doesn't fit with the Gaea you just portrayed now that I think on it. A little too much 'modern Disney princess' for the spirit you just described. A little more spice from Ranma/Hestia would be nice.

Crossdressing.

Meh...could've done without this section but it's alright.

"I'm so confused..."

Again disappointing since I liked the non-traditional more masculine element you were going with at first. Not adverse to this but it's less unique.

All in all a interesting addition to your story. I quite liked the earlier chapters....these not as much as they made the story more stereotypical. Stereotypical is fine but I liked the more unique take of your earlier bits. That out of the way it'll be interesting to see how Ranma develops into the senshi role and what 'villain' you inevitably have appear.

[Crescent Pulsar R]

This is a bit overly convenient. It makes sense I suppose but you say that with lack of disguise field and lack of any other magical protection against loss of identity...It's kind of amazing and beyond belief now that the Senshi's enemies then never discovered who they were. At least make it so that Cologne had to use a magical artifact to do this, or did it purely psychologically/with eavesdropping. Either of those would be a lot more plausible.

Why their enemies didn't find out with magic isn't important. That's a mystery reserved for where it's relevant. But I made it possible for Cologne to identify people because Happosai had been able to identify Genma as a panda when he first arrived, and Genma himself has shown the ability to sense Nodoka nearby. So, I reasoned that someone of Cologne's skill would be able to do this.

No dialogue yet? Making this section feel a little rushed and overly summarized.

I might add some. But, in general, I don't have much reason to focus on them much.

Considering Hinako has gone one on one with some of the better fighters in the area and that she usually drains first and accuses later...This just sounds like you're under-powering her a bit. If Kodachi isn't using any of her new found magical ability I'm pretty sure Hinako could take her one on one canon wise.

I really don't understand your reasoning, so there's not much that I can say about it. All I know is that her ability to drain ki is very convenient, and that usually works well for her (as it did this time). Otherwise, she has no other real skills to call upon, which is evidenced by two things: the amount of times she has been disarmed, and the fact that she would have been a smear on the gymnasium floor if Ranma hadn't accidentally gotten in the way of Ukyo's, Shampoo's and Kodachi's attacks. She's very unremarkable outside of draining ki and returning it.

Rephrase that sounds pretty awkward.

I'll see what I can do.

Huh? I don't understand where that thought process is coming from. Considering in the earlier chapters they were much more concerned with secrecy her musings here seem strange.

It falls into the "what no one knows won't hurt them" way of thinking. And she's certain of Konatsu's loyalty, so she doesn't see it as being any different as when Cologne found out, if it ever needs to be brought up. It's not good reasoning on her part, technically, but I don't see her coming to the conclusion that she needs to make Konatsu "disappear." And it's conjecture, besides. She has no evidence of it being true, and isn't about to look into it to perhaps unearth something that would best be left alone.

Considering that Takashi only created him to be used as a prop shell of a character to be a plausible love interest for Ukyo when the inevitable pairing of Ranma/Akane occurred and without further development to differentiate him from the canon portrayal this feels off. He loves the girl that kind of needs to be addressed when you're talking about him.

Already addressed. He was blinded by her kindness, not necessarily in love in actuality, as far as he knew. He's wising up and realizing that he wasn't living his own life, as he had first thought, and as he had first desired. He's getting back on track with his original plan. It was just easy for him to go astray for the same reason that he went back to serving his step-family when he had first gone to confront them.

Which should also swing her thoughts around to Beryl and the rather brutal death of her mother and her kingdom and the death of billions . Hey...wait that means Hestia is actually responsible for the death of billions and billions? Guilt later?

Hopefully. I do intend to bring it up, and I think I know when.

Really? I don't like Akane either and I don't like the shoe horning that went on to get them together...But come on he loved the bitch. Don't write now that he only liked her because of past memories of Ami. At least make it a bit more believable. Maybe the initial attraction could plausibly come from subconscious desires from her past life but the attraction he later developed for Akane was his own.

I didn't write that he only loved her because of past memories of Ami. It's a lot more subtle than that, and you have to remember that he thought differently before he recovered his memories of being Hestia. Between obligation, lack of experience and an idea of what he really wants out of a relationship with someone (much less someone he's expected to do intimate things with at some point), he's really got his work cut out for him. Subconsciously, he's getting this positive "something is there" feeling between them, and add to that how much he seems to tolerate in general, he's able to convince himself that he loves/cares for Akane despite the many real complaints that he has about her, that he has voiced in canon. Things that normally wouldn't endear someone to anyone. (Unless they're submissive or masochistic... Wait.)

Considering they are all in the same boat wouldn't the question be, 'Were you Hestia?'

Quite right.

Disappointing. I liked the dynamic you were working with where Ranma was female in her past life, a princess, and a candidate for a senshi but rejected all of those. Was a nice departure from the standard fukufic storyline. Now you're going the more stereotypical route. While obviously I'm not adverse to fukufics I liked the uniqueness that the story had before.

You can't have a fukufic storyline without Ranma ending up as a sailor senshi. Duh. ;p

As for stereotypical, I don't see how it could be. Strictly speaking of Ranma's role in the story, I can't think of any plots that devote the entire story to the drama of Ranma becoming a sailor senshi, in addition to using it as a means of exploring character growth with his character. And I'm also pretty sure that, even with Ranma ultimately becoming a senshi against his will, the circumstance surrounding it are wholly unique.

Delete.

Eh. I may.

Prophecy/story here is nice but could use a bit more polishing and detail.

Perhaps. Thing is, it's dialogue coming from someone who isn't about to set up a campfire and hunker down to tell it all. She just needs to bring up the relevant information so she can build a bridge toward what she really wants to talk about.

Considering that she will then have four girls trying to outright kill her...I'd say...real?

Oh, Ranma has some real problems, but the four girls are a very specific problem and much smaller than the problems that are really weighing on his mind. This comes to light completely by the story's end.

So Earth is a bitch. Makes perfect sense really .

Indeed.

Err...so Gaea doesn't glory in the life she supports or anything like that and is willing for the very...bland and lifeless world to come to fruition? I have a hard time reconciling that.

That's a very fanon way of looking at the future. Even in the case where there aren't any wars, for instance, that doesn't mean that people aren't industrious and doing exciting things. Plus, it's not following the anime, where the world becomes a snowball and Usagi takes her time to do something about it and assume rulership (of the world?). Besides, it's called Crystal Tokyo, not Crystal World (if you get what I mean), which leaves some room for how things develop.

I suppose this is in character for Nabiki...But where has all the fear gone? I mean she should at least be sweating over this decision a little more. I have no problem believing her greed overwhelmed her self-preservation instinct but she should be able to temper this a tad.

Nabiki doesn't have any fear in regard to Ranma. Remember her "date" with Ranma, where he ended up chasing her in a hedge maze? She walked away from that disappointed, not relieved that she was still in one piece. Earlier in the same story, she wasn't all that concerned when Ukyo, Kodachi and Shampoo were trying to kill her, though that may have been more due to Ranma's presence. Basically, she doesn't see Ranma as a threat, which goes without saying considering that his idea of revenge was going to consist of a poor method of copying how she had treated him. The other girls, now that they have magic and something important to protect, on the other hand...

You said something like 'Gaea wanted someone with flaws, etc.' so why then are you making Ranma into such a nice person to not get angry or jump down Nabiki's throat a little here? Would feel...right. Also Hestia herself really doesn't fit with the Gaea you just portrayed now that I think on it. A little too much 'modern Disney princess' for the spirit you just described. A little more spice from Ranma/Hestia would be nice.

Wouldn't feel right. Not in regard to this, anyway. Ranma is aware of the fact that he has been an idiot all too often in the past, and he has no reason to defend it. At the moment, in part because he's trying to hide exactly how he feels about everything, he's channeling more of Hestia's way of handling things, which is being calm and quiet in general. We already know that Ranma is a generally nice person already, but that's not really an issue in regard to Gaea, as far as flaws and assets are concerned as a whole.

Meh...could've done without this section but it's alright.

I just felt like adding another complication into the mix.

Oh, and it's not crossdressing if the clothes are being worn by the type of body they were intended for. ;p

Again disappointing since I liked the non-traditional more masculine element you were going with at first. Not adverse to this but it's less unique.

I wasn't going for a black and white approach. Despite what Ranma says in canon, his actions make me think that he's too mercurial in regard to his personality, which is aided by the fact that what are considered to be masculine and feminine traits are subjective and opinionated at best. If there's any real masculine standpoint that I was trying to achieve, it's due to the obligations that he has as a man.

Besides, I've seen plenty fukufics where Ranma is considerably masculine.

All in all a interesting addition to your story. I quite liked the earlier chapters....these not as much as they made the story more stereotypical. Stereotypical is fine but I liked the more unique take of your earlier bits. That out of the way it'll be interesting to see how Ranma develops into the senshi role and what 'villain' you inevitably have appear.

I still don't understand what you see as being stereotypical, but, eh, it's not one of my concerns.

Sorry, no real villain in this story. Which is probably more strange than it is unique. Oh, I have an idea for one, but I think it'd undercut the purpose of this story, even if I or someone else were to write about it in a separate story.

[LawOhki]

I'm going to reread it but these were my first impressions.

I still really dislike the whole thing with forcing Ranma to meet the Senshi and Ranma's inability to connect the dots to that.

You should be more overt about how Gaea doesn't give a damn what Ranma or anyone else that she likes to play with. Serenity being discrete about it is fine but I would think Usagi could summarize it as Gaea being a bitch.

The thing with Ranma "crossdressing" is... fine. Nabiki knowing about it is a fairly wretched cliche. Her motivation is also too long term. Or whatever her motivation is. Being someone's friend under conditions doesn't exactly seem like the great thing that Ranma agrees to be for some reason. I think it would be better for Nabiki to not be trying to blackmail Ranma into being a friend. But to interject some humor, have her try to be friendly and fail.

As for the girl clothing, I'm going to think some more on how I feel on why I find Ranma's reasoning behind it bad. Him having two sets of clothes isn't an issue, since he clearly does in canon.

[frice2000]

All I know is that her ability to drain ki is very convenient, and that usually works well for her (as it did this time). Otherwise, she has no other real skills to call upon, which is evidenced by two things: the amount of times she has been disarmed

My reasoning is the main character of the series has on occasion been taken out by her. True this is usually when he's not actively defending against her attacks but on the few occasions Ranma has fought her she at least holds her own for a few minutes.

but I don't see her coming to the conclusion that she needs to make Konatsu "disappear."

Yet that may well be the thought process of the 'new' Shampoo, Kodachi, or possibly even Akane in this situation. A little more background on Hestia's competition would help clear that up a little. I mean was Ukyou in the past a little kinder or less likely to maim and harm innocents as the others have proven that is a very small concern. It's also a matter of how much their past lives are affecting their current ones. That is one of the things that I'm reffering to as stereotypical. You a little bit more then half the time have a pretty rapid personality change when a character remembers their past life. You're kind of falling into that trap while previously you were doing a more interesting pick and choose mentality where the better aspects of Ranma were merging with Hestia to create a new unique whole. But the previous interaction from the previously introduced princesses shows a bit more of an overwriting that is starting to make it's way into Ranma. If you want to make that differentiation clearer one way or another further showcasing the effects of others affected is a good way of doing so.

(Unless they're submissive or masochistic... Wait.)

Which considering how Ranma was raised...And how Akane was shown to show confusion about affection isn't a huge leap really...And considering that Takashi almost always writes her characters with that same kind of brush plausible. I'll cede you the rest of that though I do think something more in general is needed to cause a Akane/Ranma break then you usually see and what you've introduced but as I've said don't like her so screw her anyway.

I can't think of any plots that devote the entire story to the drama of Ranma becoming a sailor senshi,

Entire story no. But a signfigant chunk I'd say there are a ton that follow along that vector. Stories where Ranma can become a sailor senshi but rejects it for an actual good reason other then 'don't want to be a girl' are to my knowledge non-existent, and that is what I thought we were heading towards. That's why I was so excited by this story thought it was quite original in that. I honestly thought you'd tease a fukufic and not deliver which would really be kind of brilliant. I've seen that done maybe twice and all of those were far shorter and less developed so I thought this could've been really interesting with an exploration of that. Yes, you have done a lot to explore the psychology and you're doing some interesting stuff with the gender issues but the end result feels a little to fixed now while before I was left to wonder. If you had had Ranma get into the fuku I would've loved the story to develop so that the whole time you're thinking Ranma is out of it and the senshi lamenting the other candidates but Ranma is on the sidelines and still possible for whatever reason. Leaving people guessing would've been a bit more rewarding really. Now, it's almost just gravy because we are entirely certain that Ranma's going to end up in the outfit unless something unexpectedly dark happens, but that seems radically unlikely so hence again my invocation of the word 'stereotypical.' Don't take that to mean I'm not interested in reading what you're putting out I am, but I would've graded the story A++ rather then a solid B+ which is what it seems to be reaching for now.

She just needs to bring up the relevant information so she can build a bridge toward what she really wants to talk about.

Yes, but considering that it seems to be an origin story of her peoples I'd think she'd have a bit more polished and embellished version that would come out when she told it. Sure it was a quick summary but I'd think she'd hold it to a bit more reverence.

Nabiki doesn't have any fear in regard to Ranma. Remember her "date" with Ranma, where he ended up chasing (and attacking?) her in a hedge maze?

This is a valid argument coming from a canon Ranma but this no longer works for your story. You've just had Nabiki cursed by Akane and that surprised the hell out of her. She knows that Ranma has also changed and obviously knows enough magic to remove a curse and Akane has threatened her as well as Ranma insinuating that she could be at risk. Both of those should lead her to reconsider her knowledge of the players around Nerima and make her take a more conciliatory approach not this risky a one. Again if the curse had never happened to her I'd have no problems with this but it did and Nabiki knows that Ranma is 'different'.

Sorry, no real villain in this story. Which is probably more strange than it is unique. Oh, I have an idea for one, but I think it'd undercut the purpose of this story

Hmm...Well technically speaking the other princesses are the antagonists already anyway so I guess this works. More of a character study then? Interesting don't see it very often with these two stories source material especially not with anything in regards to how long this is going. I do wonder then though how much longer you plan on this going because I can see it starting to drag if you go more then 7 or 8 more chapters.