cut and a pasta!
"Try to stay away from Tokyo Tower. It appears to mark an inter-universal nexus."
[quote]
Who watch the watchmen?
--
"There is little left for us now, little time."
--The Ancients, Freespace
--
"He who fights monsters might take care
lest he thereby becomes a monster.
And if you gaze into an abyss,
the abyss gazes also into you."
-Nietzche
--
The most thoroughly and relentlessly Damned, banned, exluded,
condemned, forbidden, ostracised, ignored, suppressed, repressed,
robbed, brutalized and defamed of all Damned things is the
individual human being. The social engineers, statisticians,
psychologists, sociologists, market researchers, landlords,
bureaucrats, captains of industry, bankers, governors, commisars,
kings and presidents are perpetually forcing this Damned Thing into
carefully prepared blueprints and perpetually irritated that the
Damned Thing will not fit into the slot assigned to it.
The theologians call it a sinner and try to reform it. The
governor calls it a criminal and tries to punish it. The
psychotherapist calls it a neurotic and tries to cure it. Still,
the Damned Thing will not fit into their slots.
- Robert Anton Wilson
--
"I can not accept your canon that we are to judge pope and king
unlike other men, with a favorable presumption that they do no
wrong. If there is any presumption, it is the other way against
holders of power ... power tends to corrupt, and absolute power
corrupts absolutely"
- Lord John Emerich Edward Dalbert-Acton
--
The statement made by Representative Dick Armey. When asked if he
were in the President's place would he resign, responded: "If I
were in the President's place I would not get a chance to resign.
I would be lying in a pool of my own blood hearing Mrs. Armey
standing over me saying, "How do I reload this damn thing?"
--
There is nothing wrong with the planet. The planet is fine
. . . been here 4 1/2 billion years. We've been here, what, a
100,000 years, maybe 200,000. And we've only been engaged in
heavy industry a little over 200 years. 200 years versus 4 1/2
billion. And we have the conceit to think that somehow we're a
threat? The planet isn't going away. We are.
-- George Carlin
--
Truth is a three edged sword, your truth, my truth and the real
truth.
- John Sheridan
--
Albert Einstein was once asked, "What's the most important
question you can ask in life?"
And his answer was, "Is the universe a friendly place or not?"
--
Still, if you will not fight for the right when you can easily
win without bloodshed, if you will not fight when your victory
will be sure and not so costly, you may come to the moment when
you will have to fight with all the odds against you and only a
precarious chance for survival. There may be a worse case. You
may have to fight when there is NO CHANCE of victory, because it
is better to perish than to live as slaves.
-- Winston Churchill
--
No ruler should put troops into the field merely to gratify his
own spleen; no general should fight a battle simply out of pique.
Anger may in time turn to gladness; vexation may be succeeded by
content. But a kingdom that has once been destroyed can never
again come into being; nor can the dead ever be brought back to
life.
-- Sun Tzu
--
The general who advances without coveting fame and retreats
without fearing disgrace, whose only thought is to protect his
country and do good service for his sovereign, is the jewel of
the kingdom
-- Sun Tzu
--
There are paths that should not be taken.
There-are armies that should not be confronted.
There are fortresses that should not be attacked.
There are battles which should not be joined.
- Sun Tzu
--
The Road goes ever on and on
Out from the door where it began.
Now far ahead the Road has gone,
Let others follow it who can!
Let them a journey new begin,
But I at last with weary feet
Will turn towards the lighted inn,
My evening-rest and sleep to meet.
--Frodo Baggins
--
All software sucks. Everybody is considered a jerk by somebody.
The sun rises, the sun sets, the Sun crashes, lusers are LARTed,
BOFHs get drunk. It is the way of things.
--Steve Conley
--
ThisemailhasbeenbroughttoyoubyJOLTCola,favoredbyssysadmins,
netadminsandprogrammerseverywhere.
JOLTCola--forallthesugarandtwicethecaffine(R).
--Mark P. Beckman
--
On the 012th day of September my luser sent to me:
Eighty lines of WINMAIL.DAT
Forty lines of PGP\PUBKEY.ASC
Twenty lines of C:\NETSCAPE\SIGFILE.TXT
Ten lines of Content-type: application/msword;name=LIGHTBULB.DOC
Six lines of VCARD.DXF
Five lines of quoted-printable HTML
Four lines of embedded URLs.
Three lines of MIME headers
Two lines of Re:RE:(fwd)Re:
And a one line email help request!
Peter da Silva
--
The System Manager strolls in smiling.
"Well, I'll really miss you Simon.." he says, full of himself.
"Oh?" I say, all sweetness and charm, "Where are you going?"
"No Simon" he says, with glee "YOU'RE going!"
"A PROMOTION!" I say "You've finally written that letter to the
head of staffing telling him he's a bum-sucking arse bandit and
that you quit?"
"No..."
"Are you sure? It's much better than the one about me being fired.."
"Y.." His eyes widen slightly
It's like clubbing a seal to death with a foam cushion.
He runs to stop the fax.
Only, having just resigned, >clicky clicky<
his card key no longer works...
--The BOFH
--
"What was your username?"
Everything inside him is screaming at him not to say it
- People beside him are screaming at him not to say it.
He says it.
You just can't tell some people.
--The BOFH
--
Herb, young Prince of the Musk Dynasty, responded by having his
men fill in the big gaping hole since it was entirely too big to
become a cursed spring and somehow "Cursed Roughly Olympic Sized
Really Damn Deep Swimming Pool" just didn't roll trippingly off
the tongue. Even in Mandarin Chinese.
--The bet-Fourth option. Gregg Sharp
--
"Still searching, still hoping, still alone."
-N.Brazil
--
Anyone attempting to correct my mis-usage of Japanese endings
(like -san, just as an example) will have French mispronounced at
them.
--Skysaber <jaredxxxnetuser.com>
--
Ranma decided that he was sick of this person. Sick!
Not once in what seemed like an eternity had she been a creature
he'd like to spend time with. Okay, she could be cute.
THAT'S IT! He'd known evil people who were drop dead gorgeous,
and most of them could even be civil half the time. Heck, *Beryl*
was considerate and even-tempered compared to this BITCH!
--Mirrors Multiplied, Skysaber <jaredxxxnetuser.com>
--
One of the unwritten rules aboard the Myoo no Maru was
"Don't Ask Nathan How He Knows Something".
The consequences could be horrible.
He could tell you.
--The Bet-Featherbrite's Tale, Gregg Sharp
--
"Oh dear," said Tolkein, remembering again *why* it was a bad idea
to ask Nathan these questions.
--Featherbrite's Tale, Gregg Sharp
--
SNAFU principle /sna'foo prin'si-pl/ /n./
[from a WWII Army acronym for `Situation Normal, All Fucked Up']
"True communication is possible only between equals, because
inferiors are more consistently rewarded for telling their
superiors pleasant lies than for telling the truth."
-- a central tenet of Discordianism, often invoked by hackers to
explain why authoritarian hierarchies screw up so reliably and
systematically.
The effect of the SNAFU principle is a progressive disconnection
of decision-makers from reality. This lightly adapted version of
a fable dating back to the early 1960s illustrates the phenomenon
perfectly:
In the beginning was the plan,
and then the specification;
And the plan was without form,
and the specification was void.
And darkness was on the faces of the implementors thereof;
And they spake unto their leader, saying:
"It is a crock of shit, and smells as of a sewer."
And the leader took pity on them,
and spoke to the project leader:
"It is a crock of excrement,
and none may abide the odor thereof."
And the project leader
spake unto his section head, saying:
"It is a container of excrement,
and it is very strong, such that none may
abide it."
The section head then hurried to his department
manager,and informed him thus:
"It is a vessel of fertilizer,
and none may abide its strength."
The department manager carried these words
to his general manager,
and spoke unto him saying:
"It containeth that which aideth the growth of
plants, and it is very strong."
And so it was that the general manager rejoiced
and delivered the good news unto the Vice President.
"It promoteth growth, and it is very powerful."
The Vice President rushed to the President's side,
and joyously exclaimed:
"This powerful new software product
will promote the growth of the company!"
And the President looked upon the product,
and saw that it was very good.
After the subsequent and inevitable disaster, the suits protect
themselves by saying "I was misinformed!", and the implementors
are demoted or fired.
--
FUBAR /foo'bar/ n./
[WWII Army acronym for `Fucked Up Beyond All Recognition'. The
step beyond snafu]
--
"If quitters never win, and winners never quit,
what fool came up with, 'Quit while you're ahead?'"
--
"Who knows what evil lurks in the hearts of men?
The Shadow knows!"
--
"Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most."
--
"I am a pacifist. They fuck up, I pass a fist."
--someone in ASR
--
Sturgeon's Law /prov./
"Ninety percent of everything is crap". Derived from a quote by
science fiction author Theodore Sturgeon, who once said, "Sure,
90% of science fiction is crud. That's because 90% of everything
is crud." Oddly, when Sturgeon's Law is cited, the final word
is almost invariably changed to `crap'. Compare Hanlon's Razor,
Ninety-Ninety Rule. Though this maxim originated in SF fandom,
most hackers recognize it and are all too aware of its truth.
--
"Only in America can a pizza get to your house faster than an
Ambulance"
--
Things fall apart; the centre cannot hold;
Mere anarchy is loosed upon the world
--The Second Coming, William Yeats
--
In the beginning was the word ...
and the word was; 'OOPS!'
... followed closely by; 'BUGGER.'
... followed a short while later by the
term; 'OH, SOD IT.'
This, I think, explains a lot about God,
and even more about Earth than anything I've
ever read or heard.
--
Oh, the bells, bells, bells!
What a tale their terror tells
--the bells, edgar allen poe
--
When they took the 2nd amendment, I was silent,
because I didn't own guns.
When they took the 4th amendment, I was silent,
because I didn't deal drugs.
When they took the 5th amendment, I was silent,
because I was innocent.
Now they've taken the 1st amendment,
and I can only be silent.
--
"A human being should be able to change a diaper, plan an
invasion, butcher a hog, conn a ship, design a building, write
a sonnet, balance accounts, build a wall, set a bone, comfort
the dying, take orders, give orders, cooperate, act alone,
solve equations, analyze a new problem, pitch manure, program
a computer, cook a tasty meal, fight efficiently, and lastly
die gallantly. Specialization is for insects."
--Robert A. Heinlein
--
"Gravity works," --ReRob, UF
--
"It's not the one bullet with your name on it that you have to
worry about; it's the twenty thousand-odd rounds labeled
`occupant.'"
--Murphy's Laws of Combat
--
Walking through the basement of Fuller Labs wearing futuristic
body-armor and pushing a variable-geometry motorcycle raises
eyebrows. Telling students that this is the true power of UNIX
didn't help.
--UF
--
"But," ReRob thought, "Let's get real. A motorcycle on an
interstate with a top speed of over two hundred miles per hour
versus Ford mega-sedans. Null perspiration." And with that,
he experienced the joy and dangers involved with removing the
front wheel from the tar. He eased off on the throttle,
reminded himself that he was wielding a fusion powered road
machine, and figured that while high rates of velocity were
necessary, large values for higher derivatives of position
were right out.
--UF
--
"Bravo! Now sit down and stop making a spectacle. I can't take
you anywhere,"
"True, since your car is in the shop!"
--Ben and MegaZone, UF
--
MegaZone hung in the air in much the same way that a B-52 bomber
with no functional engines, a full bomb load, half of one wing
blown off, the other wing completely severed, a fire near the fuel
tanks, and a dead crew would, given the opportunity, and landed on
his back in a dirt pile.
--UF
--
F-I-N-E: Fucked-up, Insecure, Neurotic, and Emotional
--
People educated in Cave-in Hall designed the Tacoma-Narrows
Bridge--you remember, the one in that made itself into a sine
wave and then exploded? The one used worldwide as a perfect
example of how NOT to build a suspension bridge?
--UF, notes
--
"You," he said, "are very depressed. There's only one way
we deal with the very depressed."
"How do we deal with the very depressed?" Yuri asked, in a
very depressed tone.
"Well...we...TICKLE THEIR NECKS!!!!!" he shrieked, and dove.
"YAAH! Hey come on stop that hey that tickles you know I
can't stand that knock it off oh come on I'll rip your fingers
off I swear I will Kei help me help stop him he's gone mad help
help knock it off I'm gonna die help!!!"
"Not until you laugh! Hahahahahahahahaha!"
"Hey come on please I can't breathe cut it out help I hate
being tickled stop it Mughi get him off me!"
Mughi looked up with a querying "mrow?", took in the random
chaos on the couch for a second, and then, with a "hrm," put his
head back on his paws and went to sleep. Not his problem, right?
"Oh thanks Mughi some great help you are aw come on don't do
that I've had enough please no cut it out I mean it I can't
breathe!"
"Breathing is for wimps," Gryphon replied. "Laugh, I tell
you, laugh! It'll do you good!"
"Stop it already I asked you nicely now I'm telling you oh
come on please please don't enough I--Kei! Thank god! Help!"
Kei stood in the doorway for a moment, taking in the chaos;
then she smiled an evil smile and jumped in, viciously tickling
her partner's ribs.
"HEY that's not fair you're supposed to be my partner you're
supposed to save me from crazies like this this is NOT fair I'll
get you both for this I swear I will come onnnn..."
"Morning," Vaughn said from the doorway. "I--oh no..."
"Vaughn!!" they all cried, jumping up and closing in on him
with a triad of maniacal grins.
"No--oh no--help," Vaughn said in a small voice as they
attacked.
--UF
--
"I have three brothers. One is doing life for murder, one is doing
ten years for armed robbery. The other one works in Tech Support,
but we don't talk about HIM..."
--
"The more complicated they make the plumbing, the easier it is to
stop up the drain."
--Lt Cmdr M.Scott
--
"When you need to knock on wood is when you realize the world's
composed of aluminum and vinyl."
-- Flugg's Law
--
Begin at the beginning, continue through the end, then stop.
Everyone knows _that_.
That's because the beginning is where things ... begin, and the
end is where things, er, end. So to speak. The beginning happens
first and the end follows in due time. The past becomes the future,
through the medium of the present.
Right?
I mean, it's obvious. The Arrow of Time, cause and effect ...
things like that. Causality, is what I mean here. The idea that
the past _causes_ the present, and the present _causes_ the future.
And if you tell the part of the story where things happen before
you tell the part where you explain _why_ they happen that way,
people get ...confused.
Everybody agrees that's the way it goes.
Sometimes, it even works out that way.
Sometimes, it doesn't.
Because that's only one way to look at it. And so often, in this
world, what _is_ depends on ... well ... what you're looking at.
For instance, if you look at things in the right manner, it's
obvious that the future _must_ have existed first. That is, before
there was _anything_ , there had to have been the potential for
things.
The future, in other words.
Then, the first moment happened, and that was the first time that
there ever was a _present_.
And then the first moment was over. In, so to speak, the past.
And the second moment was in the present ... and so on.
So the future _causes_ the present, and drags the past along
behind.
Right?
Don't think about it too hard, it's Zen, and you'll get a headache.
--Eric Hallstrom <hallconxxxmindspring.com>,
Ranma and Akane: A Love Story, Prologue
--
Did you know it's possible to hack an AT power supply into a Dell
Green Machine? Betcha didn't.
I did the job so good I had wires left over. K00L!!!
What's Power Saving? Whatever it wasn't, it ain't there now.
--Hans Chloride <chloridexxxprodigy.net>
--
After examining the browser cache, I have a new and deep respect
for the cumstainer. I meant customer, of course.
--Hans Chloride <chloridexxxprodigy.net>
--
>Executions have been quite effective against recedivism.
>No executed felon has EVER re-offended. --Paul Ciszek
Well, there is the alleged case of a Jewish heretic and general
rabble-rouser who managed a brief return to his life of crime
shortly after his execution...
--John Schilling
--
"You can't wait for inspiration. You have to go after it with a
club."
--Jack London
--
"They're right that travel broadens one and exposes you to all
sorts of new experiences. So make sure you get your shots before
you go."
-- Mambo Jack
--
"The Universe is stranger than we thought." -S.Hawking
"Relatively speaking." -A.Einstein
"Which universe?" -Professor Emilio Mnoren
--
To say that Oberon and Titania did not get along would be
rather like saying that Belldandy tends to be polite or that
planets tend to be fairly heavy.
--Otaku Reflected, Jared Ornstead aka Skysaber
--
"The state exists for man, not man for the state. The same may be
said of science. These are old phrases, coined by people who saw
in human individuality the highest human value. I would hesitate
to repeat them, were it not for the ever recurring danger that
they may be forgotten, especially in these days of organization
and stereotypes. "
- Albert Einstein
--
Starkle, starkle, little twink,
Who the hell are you I think.
I'm not under what you call
The alcofluence of incohol.
I'm just a little slort of sheep,
I'm not drunk like thinkle peep.
I don't know who is me yet,
But the drunker I stand here the longer I get.
So just give me one more fink to drill my cup,
'Cause I got all day sober to Sunday up.
--
Reality is stranger than fiction, and so we write stranger
things to compensate... A vicious cycle.
--
He who will not reason is a bigot; he who cannot is a fool;
and he who dares not is a slave.
-Sir William Drummond
--
"If it's not nailed down, it's mine. If it can be pried loose,
it's not nailed down."
--Tandel The Lynx, high level thief
--
"Our own heart, and not others' opinions of us, forms our true
honor."
-Friedrich von Schiller
--
"Magic is simply being able to do something the other guy
doesn't know how to do."
- Ambrosius Merlin, Court Wizard
--
An attentive Ranma was, after all, something along the nature of
three of the four Horsemen of the Apocalypse riding in with a
note from Famine saying "Sorry, I'll be late, had to stop for a
beef bowl".
--Ranma: Paragon
--
"Anybody who has read of Quantum Physics, and not been confused
by it, has clearly not understood the material in question."
--Steven Hawking
--
"I am convinced people who worry about spelling and punctuation
on the net fold their underwear before they have sex. It's just
got to be."
- Bunboy
--
You can lead an idiot to knowledge but you cannot make him think.
You can, however, rectally insert the information, printed on
stone tablets, using a sharpened poker.
--Nicolai, ASR
--
To me it sounds like a flock of ducks trying to out-honk a Mac
Truck, but getting cut short tragically as they all fly into the
grill work of the truck. But that's just me.
--Paul Tomblin, about the system beep on the Alpha UDB.
--
I live in fear of the day that the Hoopsnakes hybridize with the
common Ethernet Patchsnake. Imagine the sheer hell of it: colonies
of them becoming established in the warm, dark recesses of
wiring-closets, and concealing themselves in boxes with routers,
switches and the like.
-- Tanuki
Hm, that might explain why the PFYs keep on disappearing after I
send them off to work in the comms riser on the 49th floor.
-- Lionel Lauer
--
Unfortunately, our Bright Young PFY will no longer be assisting
with expeditions downtown, as he has been dubbed the Telecom
Destruction Bunny and banned from taking his aura anywhere near
anything major.
--Anthony DeBoer
--
I try to explain, but he goes into the back room and gets this
wizened old guy with a pocket protector and a nametag that read
"Senior Engineer."
-- Jack Twilley
His mom really must have hated him.
-- Charles Cazabon
--
If USENET is anarchy, IRC is a paranoid schizophrenic after 6
days on speed. --Chris "Saundo" Saunderson
--
As one notices, Ben has been around the block far too many times.
He has the BOFH nature. Luke, OTOH, goes for this crap hook, line,
and sinker. He has the PFY nature. -- Anthony DeBoer
By RotJ, of course, Luke also has BOFH nature. Note how he
calmly goes to the HR department^W^W^WJabba's lair. Note how he
calmly asks for his friends back. Note how he calmly annihilates
all about him when he doesn't get what he wants.
Still, Jedi mind tricks would be great for BOFHen facing internal
audits: ``These E10000s aren't the budget overruns you're looking
for.''
-- Rodger Donaldson
--
We aim to please.
Ourselves, mostly, but we do aim to please.
--Anthony DeBoer
--
Then I dream of a world where idiots are hunted like wild pigs,
and people like me have a vast array of weaponry at their disposal.
--Stephen S. Edwards in alt.sys-admin.recovery
--
Asked whether Microsoft could threaten Linux, Torvalds said:
"What can they do? What is the Microsoft threat? They certainly
can't program around us. The only other thing they can do is
marketing, and sure, let them try."
--From the .sig file of Gus Hartmann
--
Rules to live by in Pallidium RPGs:
38.Dragons make good allies
39.Dragons make worse enemies
76.Stealing magic and rune weapons from a God is bad.
77.Stealing magic and rune weapons from Atlantis is just plain
stupid.
--From Mad Dog's Humor Files
--
Murphy's Military/RPG laws:
64. Exceptions prove the rule, and destroy the battle plan.
94. Every command which can be misunderstood, will be.
102. The more stupid the leader is, the more important missions
he is ordered to carry out.
104. There is always a way, and it usually doesn't work.
50. There is no such thing as too much firepower.
89. If a cosmo-knight shows up at any point run, do not walk, to
the nearest dimensional portal.
83. It's grab your rifle, THEN look outside.
79. Never fire a missile with a 20 foot blast radius into a
hallway only 10 feet wide.
--
"Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an
idiot, and anyone going faster is a maniac?"
--
32 years has passed since the Great War. The Shivan's vanished
half a lifetime ago. We live in the mausoleum of history. We
inherit the legacy of ghosts who haunt these ruins.
The elders call us 'The Lost Generation'.
I remember stories of a glorious civilization. Of cities with
spires that reach the sky. Of a blue planet with vast seas.
Of people with myths and dreams of humanity everlasting. Of
children who saw, in the embers of dying stars, the destiny of
their race.
And they hurled themselves into the void of space with no fear.
They say our people have no present. Only a past filled with
horror. And a future they can only dream of.
--Freespace 2
--
"Pot. Kettle. Apparent reflectivity index."
--Hephaestus, The bet - Cat scratch fever by Gregg Sharp
--
"If we see you smoking, we will assume you are on fire and take
appropriate action."
--no smoking sign
--
"If people bring so much courage to this world, the world had
to kill them to break them, so of course it kills them. The
world breaks everyone, and afterward many are strong in the
broken places. But those that will not break, it kills. It
kills the very good and the very gentle and the very brave
impartially."
--Ernest Hemmingway, A Farewell to Arms
--
The three laws of thermodynamics:
The First Law: You can't get anything without working for it.
The Second Law: The most you can accomplish by working is to
break even.
The Third Law: You can only break even at absolute zero.
Pharaprased:
(1) You can't win.
(2) You can't break even.
(3) You can't even quit the game.
--
You know you've been in the Martial Arts too long when....
1. When you hit your head on a low doorway or ceiling and kick
it in anger and _damage_ it.
2. you go to the shoe store to try on shoes and...
...Instead of walking or jogging around the store, you
practice pivoting, sweeps, stances and kicks.
...You check to see if the shoe has a sufficiently hard
striking surface and whether it protects the toes well
...and lastly, you don't even care if (and they probably are)
the other patrons are looking at you funny. (That's the big
clue)
3. "What was I doing in my office when I was spinning around and
flailing my arms and legs? Ahhhhhmmmmmmm....."
4. haven't gotten over the phase of seeing everybody walking
around with a blanket of little red cross-hairs on all their
vital spots
5. find yourself practicing bo staff techniques in miniature
with your pencil during dull meetings
6. When you don't use any tools while splitting firewood
7. when you in parties don't understand why everybody is looking
weird at you and your Aikido-friend who's having a conversation
where at least half the words are in japanese
8. when you, after training, are discussing techniques with your
friends at the bus stop, starts demonstrating on him and don't
understand why everybody else who was waiting for the bus is
going in such large circles around you when the bus arrives
9. when you start wondering what technique would fit best if that
passing stranger over there would attack me.
10.You say to the salesman in the men's store, "Nice pants, but I
don't think I can kick in them."
--
You have never lived, until you have almost died.
And for those who fight for it, life has a flavor the protected
will never know.
--posted on the outhouse wall of Khe Sanh, Republic of Vietnam 1968
--
There were three friends that buried the fourth.
The mould on his face the dust in his eyes.
And they went east and west and south and north.
The strong man fights but the sick man dies.
There were three friends that spoke of the dead.
The strong man fights but the sick man dies.
Would that he was with us, they said.
The sun on our face the wind in our eyes.
--old ballad
--
The roman matrons used to say to their sons;
"Come back _with_ your shield or on it."
Later that tradition fell into decline.
So did the roman empire.
--
A woman once said: "I'd never date a man who say he knows
everything about women. He is either a liar or he really knows
everything and where's the fun then?"
--
Anyone can lie with a straight face.
A good liar tells just enough of the truth to be believed.
An excelent liar tell the whole truth, but in such a way that
no-one believes it.
--
Myrphys laws of combat:
Incoming artillery always has the right of way.
--
"If JavaScript is walking alone late at night through a bad part
of town with a pocket full of $20 bills, ActiveX is dropping your
trousers in the middle of the yard of a maximum-security prison,
bending over, and yelling 'Come and get it, boys!' "
--adamxxxprinceton.edu (Adam J. Thornton)
--
Many people are concerned about the security of ActiveX controls.
Once on your machine, an ActiveX control has full access to your
system. if you are not careful, it could delete your hard drive,
corrupt your politician, or order an unauthorized pizza.
Fortunately there are some solutions to the security problem.
First, the designer of the control marks the control as safe
only if the control is actually safe to use. It is almost
unthinkable that someone with hostile intentions would lie about
something like this. Next, most pizza shops call back to confirm
your phone number before delivery.
-- Mr. Bunny's Guide to ActiveX
--
ADVENTURE (n): Someone else, a long way off, in one Hell of a fix.
--
"Sodomy non sapiens," said Albert under his breath.
"What does that mean?"
"Means I'm buggered if I know."
--Mort, Terry Pratchett
--
Clear vision is often mistaken for cynicism by those who have
not got it.
--George Bernard Shaw
--
Asking someone to repeat a phrase you'd not only heard very
clearly but were also exceedingly angry about was around Defcon
II in the lexicon of squabble.
-- Terry Pratchett, Witches Abroad
--
"Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, For you are crunchy,
and good with ketchup."
--
Email is not a right. Email is a right, a left, a jabb, and a
sharp uppercut. The postman hits! You have new mail!
--
"Not only does the English Language borrow words from other
languages, it sometimes chases them down dark alleys, hits them
over the head, and goes through their pockets."
-- Eddy Peters
--
"If I want your opinion, I'll read your entrails."
--Doug Shewfelt
--
Of course, it is very important to be sober when you take an exam.
Many worthwhile careers in the street-cleansing, fruit-picking and
subway-guitar-playing industries have been founded on a lack of
understanding of this simple fact.
-- (Terry Pratchett, Moving Pictures)
--
"Persons compelled to habitate in structures of patent
frangibility should, under no circumstances, employ fragmentations
of the lithosphere as projectiles."
--
"Let's just say that if complete and utter chaos was lightning,
he'd be the sort to stand on a hilltop in a thunderstorm wearing
wet copper armour and shouting 'All gods are bastards'."
--Terry Pratchett, The Colour of Magic
--
The Alchemist's Guild is opposite the Gambler's Guild. Usually.
Sometimes it's above it, or below it, or falling in bits around it.
-- Terry Pratchett, Men At Arms
--
"We are born naked, wet, and hungry. Then things get worse."
-- Anon.
--
One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the
belief that one's work is terribly important.
-- Bertrand Russell
--
"Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue..."
--
"As your life flashes before your eyes, in the unit of time known
as an ohnosecond...." --Dave Aronson
--
"Ranko, such language!"
"Daddy taught me. He also teach me <censored> and <very censored>
and <oh boy is this censored>. He also said <you wouldn't believe
how censored> once when he was trying to teach me to drink."
--Ranko Saotome age 8 to her mother, The Bet: Fist of Orion,
by Gregg Sharp
--
The Seventh Commandment for Technicians:
Work thou not on energized equipment, for if thou dost, thy
fellow workers will surely buy beers for thy widow and console
her in other ways.
--
There was a polite beeping from the Thing. "You may be interested
to know," it said, "that we've broken the sound barrier."
Masklin turned wearily to the others. "All right, own up. Who
broke it?"
-- (Terry Pratchett, Wings)
--
"All right," said Masklin. "But you're not to fly down low again
and try to read the signposts. Every time you do that, humans rush
into the streets and we get lots of shouting on the radio."
"That's right." said the Thing. "People are bound to get excited
when they see a ten-million-ton starship trying to fly down the
street."
-- (Terry Pratchett, Wings)
--
Sweater, n.: A garment worn by a child when its mother feels
chilly.
--
"Learn a few foreign words or phrases: "Where is the toilet?"
"Give me your money." Foreigners will be flattered and it will
speed up your visit." (From the "Viking Handbook" by Dik Browne)
--
"We are either doing something, or we are not.
'Talking about' is a subset of 'not'."
--
"Well believe me Mike, I calculated the odds of this succeding
vs. the odds I was doing something incredibly stupid...
And I went ahead anyway."
--
You know you have been playing to many first person
shooters when...
...you dream of running through corridors with a gun,
dodging monsters
...you always scan your surroundings for cover.
...you catch yourself thinking of which weapon would be best in
your current enviroment.
...you keep checking doorways and alleys you pass for ambush.
--
A child-programmers approach to parents:
While Parent_patience > 0
Do Annoying_action
A programmers approach to techsupport-job:
While Sanity > 0
Do Work
A programmers approach to postal-job:
If Sanity > 0
Then Work
Else Go_postal
A programmers approach to sex:
While Orgasm = 0
Do F***
A programmers relation to coffeine:
If Coffeine_level < 1
Then Run_in_circles_scream_and_shout
Else Work
--
There are more things in heaven and earth,
Horatio, Than are dreamt of in your philosopy.
--Hamlet, Act 1 Scene 5, William Shakespare
--
I once absend-mindedly ordered Three Mile Island dressing in a
restaurant and, with great presence of mind, they brought
Thousand Island Dressing and a bottle of chili sauce.
-- (Terry Pratchett, alt.fan.pratchett)
--
Over the centuries, mankind has tried many ways of combating the
forces of evil...prayer, fasting, good works and so on. Up until
Doom, no one seemed to have thought about the double-barrel
shotgun. Eat leaden death, demon...
-- (Terry Pratchett, alt.fan.pratchett)
--
You can't make people happy by law. If you said to a bunch of
average people two hundred years ago "Would you be happy in a
world where medical care is widely available, houses are clean,
the world's music and sights and foods can be brought into your
home at small cost, travelling even 100 miles is easy, childbirth
is generally not fatal to mother or child, you don't have to die
of dental abcesses and you don't have to do what the squire tells
you" they'd think you were talking about the New Jerusalem and
say 'yes'.
-- (Terry Pratchett, alt.fan.pratchett)
--
I save about twenty drafts -- that's ten meg of disc space --
and the last one contains all the final alterations. Once it has
been printed out and received by the publishers, there's a cry
here of 'Tough shit, literary researchers of the future, try
getting a proper job!' and the rest are wiped.
-- (Terry Pratchett, alt.fan.pratchett)
--
A day ago the future had looked aching and desolate, and now it
looked full of surprises and terror and bad things happening to
people... If she had anything to do with it anyway.
-- Granny Weatherwax commits optimism
(Terry Pratchett, Maskerade)
--
I try to make computers say things like "You have 60 seconds to
achieve safe distance"
-- Terry Pratchett, Warwick Uni (10.11.94)
--
"And wow! Hey! What's this thing coming towards me very fast?
Very very fast. So big and flat and round, it needs a big wide
sounding word like... ow... ound... round... ground! That's it!
That's a good name - ground! I wonder if it will be friends
with me?"
--HGTG, Douglas Adams
--
Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere may be
happy.
--
Q: "Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?"
A: "All my autopsies are performed on dead people."
--
"The world is a cookie jar and people are just crumbles."
"What about you?"
"I'm sitting on the lid laughing."
--Garfield
--
"I used to dance. Then I learned HTML and my dancing gene
vanished."
--User Friendly
--
"What is it that a man may call the greatest things in life?"
"Hot water, good dentishtry and shoft lavatory paper."
-- Cohen the Barbarian in conversation with Discworld nomads
(Terry Pratchett, The Light Fantastic)
--
The druid stiffened. "*Nice?*" he said. "A triumph of the silicon
chunk, a miracle of modern masonic technology -- *nice*?"
"Oh, yes," said Twoflower, to whom sarcasm was merely a seven
letter word beginning with S.
-- (Terry Pratchett, The Light Fantastic)
--
The point that must be made is that although Herrena the
Henna-Haired Harridan would look quite stunning after a good bath,
a heavy-duty manicure, and the pick of the leather racks in Woo
Hung Ling's Oriental Exotica and Martial Aids on Heroes Street,
she was currently quite sensibly dressed in light chain mail,
soft boots, and a short sword. All right, maybe the boots were
leather. But not black.
-- (Terry Pratchett, The Light Fantastic)
--
"If you're going to suggest I try dropping twenty feet down a
pitch dark tower in the hope of hitting a couple of greasy
little steps which might not even still be there, you can
forget it," said Rincewind sharply.
"There is an alternative, then."
"Out with it, man."
"You could drop five hundred feet down a pitch black tower
and hit stones which certainly are there," said Twoflower.
Dead silence from below him. Then Rincewind said, accusingly,
"That was sarcasm."
-- (Terry Pratchett, The Light Fantastic)
--
"You're dead," he said. Keli waited. She couldn't think of any
suitable reply. "I'm not" lacked a certain style, while "Is it
serious?" seemed somehow too frivolous.
-- Princess Keli in trouble (Terry Pratchett, Mort)
--
Ankh-Morpork had dallied with many forms of government and had
ended up with that form of democracy known as One Man, One Vote.
The Patrician was the Man; he had the Vote.
-- Discworld politics (Terry Pratchett, Mort)
--
"Pardon me for living, I'm sure."
"NO-ONE GETS PARDONED FOR LIVING."
-- (Terry Pratchett, Mort)
--
"You like it?" he said to Mort, in pretty much the same tone of
voice people used when they said to St George, "You killed a
*what*?"
-- Mort tastes scrumble for the first time (Terry Pratchett, Mort)
--
The vermine is a small black and white relative of the lemming,
found in the cold Hublandish regions. Its skin is rare and highly
valued, especially by the vermine itself; the selfish little
bastard will do anything rather than let go of it.
-- Discworld wildlife (Terry Pratchett, Sourcery)
--
"I'm not going to ride on a magic carpet!" he hissed.
"I'm afraid of grounds."
"You mean heights," said Conina. "And stop being silly."
"I know what I mean! It's the grounds that kill you!"
-- (Terry Pratchett, Sourcery)
--
The calender of the Theocracy of Muntab counts down, not up.
No-one knows why, but it might not be a good idea to hang around
and find out.
-- (Terry Pratchett, Wyrd Sisters)
--
Nature abhors dimensional abnormalities, and seals them neatly
away so that they don't upset people. Nature, in fact, abhors a
lot of things, including vacuums, ships called the "Marie Celeste",
and the chuck keys for electric drills.
-- (Terry Pratchett, Pyramids)
--
People who are rather more than six feet tall and nearly as broad
across the shoulders often have uneventful journeys. People jump
out at them from behind rocks then say things like, "Oh. Sorry.
I thought you were someone else."
-- (Terry Pratchett, Guards! Guards!)
--
It was true about the time measurement as well. The Tezumen had
realized long ago that everything was steadily getting worse and,
having a terrible little-mindedness, had developed a complex system
to keep track of how much worse each succeeding day was.
-- (Terry Pratchett, Eric)
--
"Chap with a whip got as far as the big sharp spikes last week,"
said the low priest.
-- Life in the Temple of Offler (Terry Pratchett, Reaper Man)
--
"Have you any last words?"
"YES. I DON'T WANT TO GO."
"Well. Succinct, anyway."
-- Death at the other end of the scythe, for once
(Terry Pratchett, Reaper Man)
--
Racism was not a problem on the Discworld, because -- what with
trolls and dwarfs and so on -- speciesism was more interesting.
Black and white lived in perfect harmony and ganged up on green.
-- (Terry Pratchett, Witches Abroad)
--
Greebo's technique was unscientific and wouldn't have stood a
chance against any decent swordmanship, but on his side was the
fact that it is almost impossible to develop decent swordmanship
when you seem to have run into a food mixer that is biting your
ear off.
-- (Terry Pratchett, Witches Abroad)
--
"That's why it's always worth having a few philosophers around the
place. One minute it's all Is Truth Beauty and Is Beauty Truth,
and Does A Falling Tree in the Forest Make A Sound if There's
No one There to Hear It, and then just when you think they're
going to start dribbling one of 'em says, Incidentally, putting a
thirty-foot parabolic reflector on a high place to shoot the rays
of the sun at an enemy's ships would be a very interesting
demonstration of optical principles."
-- The many and varied advantages of philosophy
(Terry Pratchett, Small Gods)
--
The Monks of Cool, whose tiny and exclusive monastery is hidden in
a really cool and laid-back valley in the lower Ramtops, have a
passing-out test for a novice. He is taken into a room full of all
types of clothing and asked: Yo, my son, which of these is the most
stylish thing to wear? And the correct answer is: Hey, whatever I
select.
-- (Terry Pratchett, Lords and Ladies)
--
After the stampede the artist Three Solid Frogs got to his feet,
retrieved his brush from his nostril, pulled his easel out of a
tree, and tried to think placid thoughts.
-- (Terry Pratchett, Interesting Times)
--
"Remember -- that which does not kill us can only make us
stronger."
"And that which *does* kill us leaves us *dead*!"
-- (Terry Pratchett, Carpe Jugulum)
--
"You don't understand. _I'm_ not locked up in here with _you_.
_You_ are locked up in here with _me_"
--Rorschach to his fellow prisoners, The Watchmen
--
"I heard if you play the NT-4.0-CD backwards, you get a
satanic message."
"That's nothing, if you play it forward, it installs NT-4.0"
--
Humanity faced a tremendous setback ca. 1100 A.D., when the
first law school was established in Bologna. Ironically, the free
exchange of ideas at the law school spurred the law students to
invent new ways (patents, trademarks, copyrights) to stifle the
free exchange of ideas in other industries.
--Brief history of linux by James Baughn
--
Most people don't realize that many of the technological
innovations taken for granted in the 20th Century date back
centuries ago. The concept of a network "firewall", for instance,
is a product of the Great Wall of China, a crude attempt to keep
raging forest fires out of Chinese territory. It was soon
discovered that the Wall also kept Asian intruders ("steppe
kiddies") out, just as modern-day firewalls keep network
intruders ("script kiddies") out.
--Brief history of linux by James Baughn
--
Meanwhile, reports indicate that genetically engineered pigs
are flying over singing fat ladies in a snow-covered Hell
(third planet of Satan IV system).
--Welcome to 19100! by James Baughn CCXXIX, Minister Of Truth,
United Planets Of Humorixia, on January 1, 19100
--
We pundits like to make predictions about the future. If we're
wrong, we quietly hide our old predictions and nobody is the wiser.
But if we're right, we jump up and down, point to our
prognostications, and yell, "I told you so!"
--Jon Splatz, Humorix
--
"It's better to die on your feet than to live on your knees."
"No, my son, you have it backwards. It is better to live on
your feet than to die on your knees."
--?
--
"There is no idea so good it can't be ruined by a few
well-placed idiots."
--Scott Adams
--
"Consultants have credibility because they are not dumb enough to
work at your company." --Scott Adams
--
"The most exciting phrase to hear in science, the one that heralds
the most discoveries, is not 'Eureka!', but 'That's funny...'"
--Isaac Asimov
--
"The thing about Tom Clancy is that you can start reading a Tom
Clancy book when the plane takes off in London and you're still
reading it when the plane lands in Sidney. And then you can use
it to beat snakes to death."
--Terry Pratchet
--
"I'm not allowed to get a new computer until I get rid of the old
one. The janitor won't allow it in the trash. Union rules won't
let me carry it to storage. So I built this catapult. Like I
always say, every problem has an engineering solution."
--Wally, Dilbert comic
--
"I'm happy to report that I have embraced the new company slogan
'Act like you own the company.' This morning I fired the
marketing department and had security escort them out."
--Wally, Dilbert comic
--
Bad news: "We're not giving any raises."
Making it worse: "But we think work is its own reward."
Much worse: "Expect to be rewarded about twice as much next year."
--PHB, Dilbert comic
--
In 1979 all productive use of ARPANET ceased when USENET and the
first MUD were created. In 1983, when the network surpassed
1,000 hosts, a study showed that 90.4% of all traffic was
devoted to email and USENET flame wars.
Some things never change.
--Brief History Of Linux (Part 2), Written by James Baughn
--
"Quick" and "Dirty" were truly an accurate description of this
system, because IBM's quality assurance department discovered
300 bugs in QDOS's 8,000 lines of assember code (that's about
1 bug per 27 lines -- which, at the time, was appalling, but
compared with Windows 98 today, it really wasn't that shabby).
--Brief History Of Linux (Part 2), Written by James Baughn
--
The Future: Some assembly required; batteries not included.
--Chops-Frozen-Water (axeice at columbus.rr.com)
--
"Bill Gates is just a monocle and a Persian Cat away from being
one of the bad guys in a James Bond movie."
-- Dennis Miller
--
They don't have cops in Australia;
it's a continent peopled entirely by criminals
--Captain Infinity
--
It is pretty much safe to say that we are not Christians and we
do not want to be Saved.
-
Charles Darwin, Chlorinator of the Pool, Slayer of the
Inattentive, Scourge of the Stupid, and Exterminator of the
Congenitally Thick.
-
There is no appeal, no refund and no mercy. Game over. Thanks
for playing.
-
Not reading the welcome message and then jumping into the
list with what you imagine to be a relevant and entertaining
post is roughly equivalent to running into a Harlem bar naked
save for a pointy white hat and hood, and handing out pamphlets
for the Fresh White Virgin Sphincter Chapter of the KKK.
-
Quite frankly if you do post and ad or spam the list with one
of those "make money real quick" messages, you are shit, lower
than a snake's penis and you really do _deserve_ to be taken
out and shot, buried, dug up again, and then fucked by a herd
of rampant wildebeest until your corpse is rent in a thousand
places; you deserve to have your bowels invaded by a swarming
army of rapacious ants and your kidneys, liver, pancreas and
lungs eaten by dingoes. You are scum.
--From the official Cult of Father Darwin FAQ
--
The Middle Ages were an era of mysticism, ruled by blind faith
and blind obedience to the dogma that faith is superior to
reason. The Renaissance was specifically the rebirth of reason,
the liberation of man's mind, the triumph of rationality over
mysticism - a faltering, incomplete, but impassioned triumph
that led to the birth of science, of individualism, of freedom.
--Ayn Rand, "The Left: Old And New,"
--
Since time immemorial and pre-industrial, 'greed' has been the
accusation hurled at the rich by the concrete-bound illiterates
who were unable to conceive of the source of wealth or of the
motivation of those who produce it.
-- Ayn Rand, "Philosophical Detection", Philosophy: Who Needs It
--
Looking deeply into the crystal, the Amazon matriarch began the
arcane chant that would open it's scrying powers. The crystal
began to glow, faintly, revealing characters, words that would
tell the elder what she needed to know.
YOU'RE SCREWED.
She had hoped for something more detailed...
-
"Stupid oracle." Cologne glared at the crystal in aggravation.
"Could you possibly be more specific?"
YOU'RE REALLY SCREWED.
"That's not telling me anything helpful..."
SEVERELY SCREWED? MAJOR SCREWED? SCREWED BEYOND BELIEF?
It is a little known fact that in the Amazon dialect of Chinese
there are no less that sixty-two ways to call someone or
something a moron. Cologne ran through them all twice in three
and a half minutes.
--Girl Days, A Ranma 1/2 fanfic by Robert Haynie
--
The policeman stood and faced his God, which must always come
to pass.
He hoped his shoes were shining just as brightly as his brass.
"Step forward now, policeman. How shall I deal with you?
Have you always turned the other cheek? To my church have you
been true?"
The policeman squared his shoulders and said, "No Lord I guess
I ain't,
Because those of us who carry badges can't always be a Saint.
I've had to work most Sundays, and at times my work was rough.
Sometimes I have been violent, because the streets are awfully
tough.
But I never took a penny that wasn't mine to keep.
I worked a lot of overtime when the bills just got too steep.
And I never passed a cry for help, though at times I shook with
fear.
And sometimes, God forgive me, I've wept unmanly tears.
I know I don't deserve a place among the people here.
They never wanted me around except to calm their fear.
If you've a place for me here, Lord It needn't be so grand.
I never expected or had too much, but if you don't I'll
understand."
There was a silence all around the throne where the Saints
had often trod.
As the policeman waited quietly for the judgment of his God.
"Step forward now, policeman, You've borne your burdens well.
Come walk a beat on Heaven's streets you've done your time in
Hell."
--"Policeman's Heaven", Author: Unknown
--
The idea started during the cold war and is a perfect example of
what happens when unlimited communist political power mixes with
enough vodka to stun a mule.
--"Dark, Shayne" <Shayne.Darkxxxnrc.ca>
--
The basic principle of altruism is that man has no right to exist
for his own sake, that service to others is the only justification
of his existence, and that self-sacrifice is his highest moral
duty, virtue and value.
Do not confuse altruism with kindness, good will or respect for
the rights of others. These are not primaries, but consequences,
which, in fact, altruism makes impossible. The irreducible
primary of altruism, the basic absolute, is self-sacrifice -
which means: self-immolation, self-abnegation, self-denial,
self-destruction - which means: the self as a standard of evil,
the selfless as a standard of the good.
-- Ayn Rand, "Faith and Force: The Destroyers of the Modern World,"
Philosophy: Who Needs It
--
Poverty is not a mortgage on the labor of others - misfortune is
not a mortgage on achievement - failure is not a mortgage on
success - suffering is not a claim check, and its relief is not
the goal of existence - man is not a sacrificial animal on
anyone's altar nor for anyone's cause - life is not one huge
hospital.
-- Ayn Rand, "Apollo 11," The Objectivist
--
"The first thing that Kira learned about life and the first
thing that her elders learned, dismayed, about Kira, was the joy
of being alone."
-- Ayn Rand. We, the Living
--
The first duty is to the living. The dead can be mourned later.
--
"You have been designated the 4th child," Commander Ikari said
in his usual 'oh so joyful' tone. One would not be surprised if
he had once worked helpdesk. Actually, it would explain a number
of things.
-
...replied in a voice that was so thick with sarcasm that people
mistook him for a helpdesk operator.
-
"Hi, I'm Ammadeau. I'm from some place that's probably
underwater now."
"Is it because it was flooded by the Second Impact?"
"No, I just left the water running when I left."
"When did you leave?"
"Oh, about sixteen years ago."
--The Reluctant SI 1:Toji Has a Little 'Accident' . . . He He He
(A NGE SI Parody)By Ammadeau
--
Inflation is not caused by the actions of private citizens, but
by the government: by an artificial expansion of the money supply
required to support deficit spending. No private embezzlers or
bank robbers in history have ever plundered people's savings on a
scale comparable to the plunder perpetrated by the fiscal policies
of statist governments.
-- Ayn Rand, "Who Will Protect Us From Our Protectors"?
The Objectivist Newsletter, May 1952
--
Religious Truths:
1. The Jews don't recognize the Messiah.
2. Protestants don't recognize the Pope.
3. Two Baptists in a liquor store don't recognize each other.
--
The Ten + Rules teenagers will never learn in school:
1. Life is not fair - get used to it. The average Teenager uses
the phrase "It's not fair' 86 times a day.
2. The real world won't care as much about your self-esteem as
your school does. This may be a shock.
3. Sorry, you won't make $40,000 a year right out of high school.
And you won't be a vice president or have a car phone,either.
You may have to wear a uniform that doesn't have a designer
label.
4. If you think your teacher is tough, wait until you get a boss.
5. Flipping burgers is not beneath your dignity, your
grandparents had a different word for burger flipping - They
called it opportunity.
6. It's not your parents' fault if you mess up. You're responsible.
This is the flip side of "It's my life", and "You're not my
boss", and "You don't want me to have fun" or "Your just old
fashioned".
7. Before you were born, your parents weren't boring. They got
that way paying your bills and listening to you.
8. Life is not divided into semesters, and you don't get summers
off - not even spring break. You are expected to show up every
day for eight hours, and you don't get a new life every 10
weeks.
9. Smoking does not make you look cool. Watch an 11-year-old with
a butt in his mouth. That's what you look like to anyone over
20.
10.Your school may be "Outcome-based" - but life isn't. In some
schools you're given as many times as you want to get the answer
right - standards are set low enough so everyone can meet them!
This of course, bears not the slightest resemblance to anything
in real life--As you will find out.
11.Kid you better learn something from me because you will not
live long enough to make all the mistakes yourself.
12.School will seem like a long time but employment is a lifetime.
Good Luck. You are going to need it - and the harder you work,
the luckier you will get.
13.The road to hell is paved with good intentions - you booz, you
cruise, you lose.
14.If you lie, cheat and steal, you may get what you want right
away, without much effort. But eventually you WILL get caught
and then you will lose your good name. Then you will find it
takes ten times the effort to win back that good name.
--
"It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education."
--Albert Einstein
--
Quidquid latine dictum sit, altum viditur.
(Whatever is said in Latin sounds profound.)
--
The majority of the stupid is invincible and guaranteed for all
time.
- Albert Einstein
--
There are lies, damned lies, and Microsoft brochures
--Brief History of Linux (Part 3) Written by James Baughn
--
Visit new and exciting countries, steal their national treasures.
--Hudson Hawk
--
"The connection is so abstract, that we have people whose job
it is to make sure the paperwork doesn't get totally disconnected
from the world. Theoretically, I handle millions of dollars a day,
but it is less real than this e-mail. I have never seen our
product. I have never seen the sales people. I have never seen a
customer."
--Robert Lane describes his work as an accountant.
--
Some people are born to raise hell. Others are born to be bad.
Some are even born to be wild. Today I would like to talk about
some people who, as far as I can tell, were born to be utter prats
with no chance of finding their own asses.
--"Dark, Shayne" <Shayne.Darkxxxnrc.ca> on the CofD mailinglist
--
The other day I tried having some pudding without eating my meat.
It went off without a hitch. What was Pink Floyd smoking, anyhow?
-- Brooks Parfitt
--
"Great Spirits have always encounterd violent opposition from
mediocre minds." -Albert Einstein
--
"So, I'll put down my LART, and you'll put down your StUd1yK@pz,
and we'll access UseNet like civilized people?"
-The Dread SysAdmin Roberts
--
He fell down! Down was the direction of the falling and the
direction of the falling was down. I don't care how high he was.
Up just isn't an option.
--"Dark, Shayne" <Shayne.Darkxxxnrc.ca> on the CofD mailinglist
--
A long time ago, during my days at the old science academy, a
philosophy teacher asked me a question I couldn't answer right
away. The question simply was "What is religion?"
It was a question I pondered for some time. When I finally came to
my conclusion and told him, he was intrigued by my answer.
What I said to him was this:
Imagine being inside a dark room, with only a single window with
which to see the outside. Through that window you can see many
things about the universe beyond. No matter what size, shape, or
material the window is made of, your view of reality will be
distorted by the window you choose. Some windows allow for wider
view. Some are prettier to look at.
None are completely transparent.
Reality is the outside. This window is religion.
Religion, as I came to realize, is not necessarily a belief in a
higher power or even a set of strict rules to follow. Rather,
Religion is the window a person chooses though which reality is
refracted.
Unfortunately, some, when confronted with a harsh viewing spot
prefer to close their blinds, preferring to peer out through a
single slit they've created. Whether out of fear, or another
emotion, the result is the same. To these people, their window
remains forever closed, and what experience has taught them
becomes the only thing reality can teach them.
--Hakubi, Washuu (-chan) "Memoires of a Super Genius",
in Tenchi: Sasami's Wish by Nall-ohki <nallxxxgoldengate.net>
--
Moderation is good, in theory. Theory is good, in moderation.
--Dave Turner
--
Every movement that seeks to enslave a country, every dictatorship
or potential dictatorship, needs some minority group as a scapegoat
which it can blame for the nation's troubles and use as a
justification of its own demand for dictatorial powers. In Soviet
Russia, the scapegoat was the bourgeoisie; in Nazi Germany, it was
the Jewish people; in America, it is the businessmen.
-- Ayn Rand, "America's Persecuted Minority:" Big Business
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One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor!
--
"People like you will always stay honest, people like you will
always struggle to rise, people like you will always work, so
we're safe and you have no choice."
-- Ayn Rand Atlas Shrugged
--
"And who - in this damned universe - who can tell me why I should
live for anything but for that which I want?"
-- Ayn Rand We, the Living
--
It's amazing how much "mature wisdom" resembles being too tired.
-- Robert Heinlein
--
"How many limbs did he have before he got in the water?"
"I don't notice these things."
--Shermans lagoon
--
"I'm only holding back the rain. So many raindrops, so many pains.
I want to find my train someday. As seasons go past the station."
- Tokyo Babylon OVA 1
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Perhaps these Oklahoma cretins don't like the idea that they 'came
from the apes.' Not too surprising there, if you told a mountain
gorilla that he evolved from an Oklahoman republican, he'd be
bloody mortified.
--"Dark, Shayne" <Shayne.Darkxxxnrc.ca> on the CofD mailinglist
--
"Gods -- or their equals -- don't get to opt for therapy or
medication, though one can see how such things might do wonders
for the Judeo-Christian God." -- Mikal Gilmore
--
"You live and learn or you don't live long." -- Robert A Heinlein
--
"This was a man who firmly believed that the word fine, as in
"I'm feeling fine," was really an acronym spelling out 'Fucked-up,
Insecure, Neurotic and Emotional.'" -- Will Self, Cock & Bull
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"As was noted at the base of the Plexus, it had been developed
by the AM Advanced Graphics Workshop. Rather than presenting maps
of each floor of the Plex, they had used an Integrated Projection
to show the entire Plex as a network of brightly colored paths and
intersections. The resulting tangle was so convolut
