The Return ch16

[Sunshine Temple]

This is a counter-reply to you reply to my reply, shortened for brevity and laziness - this isn't my favorite computer at the moment (comments made in chronological order).
[Ah that's fine.
{Re: Ranma meeting Happosai at first: Ranma first went to the dojo, and then called up her shadows. She should have called up her shadows before entering the dojo in the presence of an unknown stealthy force. The force that stealthy that visited was BlackSky.
[well, Ranma doesn't use her shadows as weapons yet.
{The second Ami/Rei knee to the chin: means if Ami just pulls Rei closer, how the heck the Ami get her knee up to the height of Rei's chin?
[Good point. Can have her Ami pull her down too
{MANPADS (MAN Portable Air Defense System, I think) - you had missiles targetting the chopper exploding on chaff. They should have been decoyed by flares, not chaff, if they were man-launched missiles, or even any of the lighter vehicle-launched SAM's. Only major units use radar guided SAM's. I was also discounting laser-guided, which are either rare or primarily anti-tank systems, like the russian Vikhr.
[Well some were.
[Though it is a bit moot as it was a staff blast that took it out.
{Succubus flight escape with crew - either she should have assigned when entering the chopper (buddy system), or, better, X takes pilot, Y takes co-pilot, Z takes port gunner, etc., all the time - a list of crew positions and succubae, highest priorities get taken as personnel allow.
[Yes, they should have done that beforehand.
[They weren't perfect and didn't.
{"Akane other gunner" should be "Akane, the other gunner" comma optional
{Mk 19 min range - the only 40mm "shotgun" type round I could trivially find, unconfirmed, was the M1029 40-Millimeter Crowd Dispersal Round (Area), which is both non-lethal and can't be fired from the Mk 19. Unreliably, there is an M576 buckshot round, 30m cone, also not fireable from the Mk 19.
[hmm... irritating. As it's too early for custom ammunition for that weapon.
{AFAIK - As Far As I Know, regarding succubae closing distance, I've seen them fly (presumably more or less quickly), and teleport... not walk, saunter, or otherwise spend a lot of time in target areas where there's no food. I only really have Alexia's as a reference.
[Teleport is something minions don't do.
[they can run too, and flight can be limited.
{Why would succubae be less inclined to go to the air in a forest? If they can sense the enemy, and can fly, and the enemy can't fly... they should get above the tree canopy (out of sight), fly close, and drop down on top to be in melee with the minimum vulnerability... or sneak up, as the Brood Senshi did.
[true, though in this situation fight has limitation.
{Retreat area or not, the mortars should have been in range of the main front lines from there if it was within 2 miles or so, for standard military issue 60mm's - I'll happily go with AoM are idiots or had homemade mortars here, but I wanted to point it out.
[They bought the stuff, and didn't really use it.
{Re: Ukyo and the Father's cover fire: Hah! Did I get Ukyo hit?
[Huh?
{extra comma removed, from memory: "left wrist breaking, it"
[ok
{"tossed the blades she held and tried to stab them into" - tossing implies throwing the blade out of the appendage, and stabbing implies hanging on to the blade with the appendage - I can't tell which it is here.
[change it to
[[She then trusted the blades she held and tried to stab them into Oslo's body.
{You showed Oslo taking damage well. I was commenting on the fact that earlier, Oslo's shield did something useful, and after, Oslo's shield was at most a minor nuisance to Ranma - either Ranma was playing with Oslo (supported by her having lots of energy at the end), Ranma pulled a Dragonball, or Oslo's shield got weaker, but I didn't see it get weaker.
[I can emphasize that it was getting weaker.
[[
Oslo chuckled as the succubus coughed up blood, and curled up. He smirked, his aim was still good. "You got me worried for a bit there, but there's now two blessed blades where your heart should be. Not to mention the others piercing the rest of your body," he said as he pulled out another set of longer blades. After using most of his aura power in that move, he was relieved to see that the chemicals coating the surface of the blades was retarding her regeneration.
]]
{"made for his" (knives, and my comment about them being buried)- I traditionally interpret "made for" as full body movement over ground - "made for his car", or "made for the pass". "went to draw his" would imply hand/arm movement to me, i.e. "went to draw his daggers" or even the short form, like "went for his gun". This could be a regional/specialist/odd interpretation, though.
[Odd, looks that way.
{I could have sworn that one of... Randy's? AoM goons said 'there's a whole company of WIC out there' and appeared to refer to Misako and her little group, which I found both amusing and very appropriate.
[Line from the chapter
"There's a whole Company platoon there," one of the acolytes at the front shouted as he tried to drag back a wounded man. There was a large hole in his chest.
[though the phrase there's a whole Company company is funny
{Oslo's knives had special homing. One of the other AoM's knives (vs. a daughter) didn't, that I recall - that's a comment on what appears to be injuring the Brood Senshi that they should train for.
[It was a special move of Oslo's
{Per Adyen's comment... why wasn't AoM using the super special nasty rounds they hit Ukyo with... or were they, and no round stayed in long enough to do much to the more powerful, Silver-D targets? I can see them being too rare for full scale use... though I'd expect 1 in X many round would be special.
[Ukyou got hit with a bad one again.
[I can emphasize that was why she removed it so fast
[[
"Foul monster!" the man shouted wondering what had happened to the father's covering fire. The other one used the opportunity to take a shot. He hit Ukyou just under her left shoulder and then got shot in the neck and stomach. Screaming in pain, the blonde dug into her shoulder to pull out the bullet. While not as caustic as the special rounds Assembly snipers used, the bullet was not something she wanted to leave in even for an extra second. She growled as the wound painfully and slowly closed. After that she lunged onto him and began to feed.
]]
[[
Karol turned and fired a shot from his staff. It hit the center of her body, sending the succubus tumbling. "Looks like my men actually slowed you down," he commented noticing the handful bullet holes and slices in her uniform. It was amazing that she was still standing. There was a lot of blood too, but he had no idea how much of it was hers.
]]
You're quite welcome for the detailed review - I tend to focus very highly on combat scenes for criticism, particularly in a world where I understand the physics. I also very much enjoy The Return, especially as it appears to be one of the few really good Ranma epics that's continuing.
[Excellent. That's what I want to hear.
[And the attention to detail is great.
[Glad you enjoy it, and think it's epic.
Hmm... it also appears Mercury hasn't figured out that Ranma didn't stumble into such a network of alliances... but it was her allies (and Murdock) who had the machinations and wanted her (or any Pattern Silver).
[Indeed. Even Merc is missing out on the plotting of WIC and their own plans.
[Shame that.
[Thanks for commenting.

[Adyen]

I'm going to wait till I go through the new version before posting more C&C, cause you might have been told those that I find already... ^^;;;

[Sunshine Temple]

I'm going to wait till I go through the new version before posting more C&C, cause you might have been told those that I find already... ^^;;;

Cool I just updated it. Version 6 is the most advanced one up.

[Nadrek]

{MANPADS (MAN Portable Air Defense System, I think) - you had missiles targetting the chopper exploding on chaff. They should have been decoyed by flares, not chaff, if they were man-launched missiles, or even any of the lighter vehicle-launched SAM's. Only major units use radar guided SAM's. I was also discounting laser-guided, which are either rare or primarily anti-This is a counter-reply to you reply to my reply, shortened for brevity and latank systems, like the russian Vikhr.
[Well some were.
[Though it is a bit moot as it was a staff blast that took it out.
-I was referring to "The two missiles hit chaff and exploded, but a bit too close to the helicopter." - I'd expect the two missiles would hit (or 'hit' with a proximity fuze, whatever) flares, not chaff. While my knowledge in this area isn't first-hand, I'd figure the odds were better for either simple misses, or one miss and one detonation. If some were laser guided, those wouldn't care about either flares or chaff.
[They weren't perfect and didn't.
-Good answer.
{Re: Ukyo and the Father's cover fire: Hah! Did I get Ukyo hit?
[Huh?
-I was wondering if the correction to the cover fire from the Father vanishing included Ukyo being hit by it.
[change it to
[[She then trusted the blades she held and tried to stab them into Oslo's body.
-Better consistency, yes. It does seem a little awkward/simplistic, but I can't come up with better at this time.
[[
Oslo chuckled as the succubus coughed up blood, and curled up. He smirked, his aim was still good. "You got me worried for a bit there, but there's now two blessed blades where your heart should be. Not to mention the others piercing the rest of your body," he said as he pulled out another set of longer blades. After using most of his aura power in that move, he was relieved to see that the chemicals coating the surface of the blades was retarding her regeneration.
]]
-Better. Perhaps replace "using most of his aura power in that move" with "depleting most of his aura performing that move" or "expending a great deal of his power on that move", or some variant thereof? "aura power" seems redundant.
[[
"Foul monster!" the man shouted wondering what had happened to the father's covering fire. The other one used the opportunity to take a shot. He hit Ukyou just under her left shoulder and then got shot in the neck and stomach. Screaming in pain, the blonde dug into her shoulder to pull out the bullet. While not as caustic as the special rounds Assembly snipers used, the bullet was not something she wanted to leave in even for an extra second. She growled as the wound painfully and slowly closed. After that she lunged onto him and began to feed.
]]
-Timing - did the wound close ("slowly closed" appears past tense, as in it's done closing) while she was growling? That seems relatively quick for a minion demon, given how long it's taking Ranma to heal before she eats... though Ukyo had eaten already, or had the chance to.
Hmm... it also appears Mercury hasn't figured out that Ranma didn't stumble into such a network of alliances... but it was her allies (and Murdock) who had the machinations and wanted her (or any Pattern Silver).

[Sunshine Temple]

>>[Well some were.
>>[Though it is a bit moot as it was a staff blast that took it out.
-I was referring to "The two missiles hit chaff and exploded, but a bit too close to the helicopter." - I'd expect the two missiles would hit (or 'hit' with a proximity fuze, whatever) flares, not chaff. While my knowledge in this area isn't first-hand, I'd figure the odds were better for either simple misses, or one miss and one detonation. If some were laser guided, those wouldn't care about either flares or chaff.
[Hmm... so far seems a minor issue right now.
>>[They weren't perfect and didn't.
-Good answer.
[Cool.
>>[Huh?
-I was wondering if the correction to the cover fire from the Father vanishing included Ukyo being hit by it.
[Ahh. The correction should have fixed that. Check version 6
>>[change it to
>>[>>[She then trusted the blades she held and tried to stab them into Oslo's body.
-Better consistency, yes. It does seem a little awkward/simplistic, but I can't come up with better at this time.
[Well, when you do drop me a line ^_-
>>[>>[
Oslo chuckled as the succubus coughed up blood, and curled up. He smirked, his aim was still good. "You got me worried for a bit there, but there's now two blessed blades where your heart should be. Not to mention the others piercing the rest of your body," he said as he pulled out another set of longer blades. After using most of his aura power in that move, he was relieved to see that the chemicals coating the surface of the blades was retarding her regeneration.
]]
-Better. Perhaps replace "using most of his aura power in that move" with "depleting most of his aura performing that move" or "expending a great deal of his power on that move", or some variant thereof? "aura power" seems redundant.
[Yes, that works. Will make the revision when I get home from work.
>>[>>[
"Foul monster!" the man shouted wondering what had happened to the father's covering fire. The other one used the opportunity to take a shot. He hit Ukyou just under her left shoulder and then got shot in the neck and stomach. Screaming in pain, the blonde dug into her shoulder to pull out the bullet. While not as caustic as the special rounds Assembly snipers used, the bullet was not something she wanted to leave in even for an extra second. She growled as the wound painfully and slowly closed. After that she lunged onto him and began to feed.
]]
-Timing - did the wound close ("slowly closed" appears past tense, as in it's done closing) while she was growling? That seems relatively quick for a minion demon, given how long it's taking Ranma to heal before she eats... though Ukyo had eaten already, or had the chance to.
[Well Ukyou is above a minion.
[And as you said she has eaten. I'll work at the timing and tighten that sequence up.
Hmm... it also appears Mercury hasn't figured out that Ranma didn't stumble into such a network of alliances... but it was her allies (and Murdock) who had the machinations and wanted her (or any Pattern Silver).
[Yah, Mercury's not perfect and some of her conclusions are wrong. She's still quite green.

[Raneko]

Stupid ideas that won't leave me alone
Outtakes
Kasumi mustered all courage turned to face Ranma. "I'm sorry Ranma, but I need more sex then you can give me."
Ranma (in sucubus form) facefaults. "What!? How?"
"Becoming a sucubus may have increased your sex drive to nigh ridculous levels. But your still a prude."

[Sunshine Temple]

Stupid ideas that won't leave me alone
Outtakes
Kasumi mustered all courage turned to face Ranma. "I'm sorry Ranma, but I need more sex then you can give me."
Ranma (in sucubus form) facefaults. "What!? How?"
"Becoming a sucubus may have increased your sex drive to nigh ridculous levels. But your still a prude."

That actually fits. Not why the broke up, but earlier kasumi did find her too prudish.
Nice.

[Raneko]

That actually fits. Not why the broke up, but earlier kasumi did find her too prudish.
Nice.

Heh.
So the whole rasing her sex drive to nigh ridculous levels for didn't actually bring her anywhere near Kasumi's.
That's scary.
before I read about the Break up I had a little scene it's 3am Ranma was exhuasted but Kasumi still wasn't satisfied.
I wonder how that bit of news will go over in (whatever we're calling the Sucubi dimension.)

[Sunshine Temple]

Heh.
So the whole rasing her sex drive to nigh ridculous levels for didn't actually bring her anywhere near Kasumi's.
That's scary.

Kasumi is also more casual about sex than Ranma. That factors in too.

before I read about the Break up I had a little scene it's 3am Ranma was exhuasted but Kasumi still wasn't satisfied.
I wonder how that bit of news will go over in (whatever we're calling the Sucubi dimension.)

Hmm... depends on if Ranma feeds at all from Kasumi. ;p

[Cheb]

Oh, I just recalled that we forgot (or not?) to clarify one issue [glances at the pigeons outside, who try to impersonate fluffy balls] How good is succubi's resistance to frost? With all the skimpy outfits and leathery wings.
Also, a related piece of Russial mythology: interestingly, the winter is considered a "clean" time when all the... let's say "yokai", go dormant, and you can safely walk even through the most haunted marshes and forest depths (barring the purely mundane things like hungry wolf packs).

[Sunshine Temple]

Oh, I just recalled that we forgot (or not?) to clarify one issue [glances at the pigeons outside, who try to impersonate fluffy balls] How good is succubi's resistance to frost? With all the skimpy outfits and leathery wings.

Excellent question. Succubae do have lots of exposed parts, but they can generate fire. So it's quite conceivable that they can stay warm in cold weather.
A question becomes how warm, and how pleasant this all is to them.
Another is what happens for a younger one that is not able to make enough warmth to stave off the cold.

Also, a related piece of Russial mythology: interestingly, the winter is considered a "clean" time when all the... let's say "yokai", go dormant, and you can safely walk even through the most haunted marshes and forest depths (barring the purely mundane things like hungry wolf packs).

Heh, that seems quite appropriate.
Though, remember that there are similarities between a hungry wolf pack and a hungry brood.

[khim]

Heh, that seems quite appropriate.
Though, remember that there are similarities between a hungry wolf pack and a hungry brood.

Yup - but even hungry wolf packs tend to avoid activity when it's really cold. So now we know why there was "great ice" in Sailor Moon... but was it side effect of "great purification" or was is it it's precursor ?

[Sunshine Temple]

Yup - but even hungry wolf packs tend to avoid activity when it's really cold. So now we know why there was "great ice" in Sailor Moon... but was it side effect of "great purification" or was is it it's precursor ?

Questions about the great ice and the purification are not pertinant to this thread. If you want to know which came first I suggest reading the source, finding a guide site, or asking in the correct part of this forum.