The NEW Fanfiction Quote Topic

[Metroidvania]

From an Uber J/7 Voyager fic by Anik LaChev, Campus

"Is that what you’re wearing?" Brett raised an eyebrow as she pointed at Joanna’s attire.

"Yes, why?" Joanna asked in aggravation around a mouthful of hairpins as she put up her hair with a few, well-practiced movements. It had taken her the better part of an hour to settle on a pair of not too formal gray slacks and a light-blue blouse, which she hoped would discreetly bring out her eyes.

"Because this looks like you’re going to work, not like you’re going on a date," Brett stated dryly.

"I don’t even know if it is a date." Joanna secured her usual hairdo with the final pin.

"It’s not going to be one if you’re dressed like that," Brett observed. "Jo, please – do you want to demonstrate unquestionable disinterest?"

"What do you suggest? A shirt saying ‘be my Valentine’?"

[bissek]

The best Author's Note I have ever seen, from Harry Potter and the Invincible Technomage:

Everyone in the hall was now staring at the hat, expectantly. For a few seconds, there was complete silence. Then the hat twitched. A rip near the brim opened wide like a mouth — and the hat began to sing:

…---ooo000ooo---…

A/N:

In every fic with a sorting scene,

The Author includes a song.

With prose abused cruel and mean,

And they go on much too long.

The smart ones just include

The hat’s libretto from the canon.

The others, well they’re just rude,

And quite abusive to the fanon.

For this fic, let’s just assume

The hat was verbose and quite witty.

Because my poetry will clear a room,

It really is that shitty.

For you purists who need the fic to have a sorting song,

And lacking the same would drive you to try to pick a bone.

I would suggest you should please yourself and surely do no wrong,

If you were to reread the verse from the book about the stone.

…---ooo000ooo---…

The whole hall applauded as the hat finished its song. It bowed to each of the four tables and then became quite still again.

[Tovath]

Cologne smiled an evil smile. "Heh. You won't even have to use torture to make the witches talk – just leave them in a room with Happosai."

Sailor Moon gulped. "What is he, some kind of tentacle monster?"

"Nah, the tentacle monster is named Taro. He wouldn't be any use, except maybe to chase Happy away."

From Different Colors by Ellen Kuhfeld

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2773547/16/Different_Colors

[EdenB]

The pink haired girl turns to see Naruto, “It’s Sasuke-kun…he’s gone…”

Naruto cocked an eyebrow, “What?”

“He left to go to the sound village…he’s going to receive training from Orochimaru…”

Naruto’s eyes widened, “What?”

“He left…saying he could get more power at Otogakure…”

Naruto growled inwardly, ‘Figures…I work the hard way to leave the village fairly…and Sasuke gets to just walk out…’

This time Kyuubi actually sweatdropped at the statement, “Kid…I think your missing the point here…”

Sakura cried into her hands, “What’ll happen if the Hunter-nin find him…”

Naruto raised an eyebrow at he prospect…He could almost see Sasuke in front of the council…

Sasuke stood in front of the entire council of Konaha, minus the Hokage. Koharu was the first to speak, “Uchiha Sasuke…you’ve been charged as a traitor of Konaha…what do you have to say for yourself?”

Sasuke shrugged, “I’m…Uchiha Sasuke…”

Koharu, along with the council gasped, “Oh My god…he IS Uchiha Sasuke!”

Homura went up to the boy to give him a closer look, “Yep…this IS Uchiha Sasuke…”

Koharu rested her hand on her chin, “We’ll have to cover this little incident up…”

Homura suddenly snapped his fingers, “I got it…don’t we usually blame some kid for a bunch of things he never does…what was his name again?”

Koharu suddenly snapped her fingers as well, “Uzumaki Naruto…so far we have him branded as the Kyuubi, the one who made Orochimaru defect, the cause of the Uchiha massacre, and finally the cause Great Shinobi wars…”

Homura laughed, “Alright…as of now…he’s responsible for the defection of Uchiha Sasuke…”

Koharu nodded, “All right then it's settled!”

From Naruto: Mokuzaimusha by JackOfBladesX

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3066620/13/ ... kuzaimusha

[camk4evr]

From Chapter 30 of One half of a Wing and a Prayer

“I give you this opportunity to leave my house in peace,” Soun Tendo said calmly as the demon brandished a long, curved knife. “I doubt your fellows are getting the same consideration.”

The demon hesitated a moment, unused to such a calm reception from his targets. The moment passed, however, and he lunged gracefully at the armed girl, the bigger threat in his mind.

Instantly, Soun was in front of him, using one wrist to turn the attack while a lightning fast strike pushed two fingers into the soft tendon on the inside of the elbow. This attack was followed by a hard knee to the solar plexus and a double punch to the shoulders. The attacker was slammed hard into the wall, and once he shook his head clear he saw an imposing image. Soun seemed to loom over the demon, his hair floating around a grotesquely enlarged and deformed visage.

The Tendo patriarch’s voice chilled the assassin and caused further discomfort in his stomach, “DID YOU JUST TRY AND ATTACK MY LITTLE GIRL?!”

To be sure, the demon had seen far more powerful, and frightening things in his life, but the looming menace and righteous parental anger that washed over him almost made him wet his pants.

“Daddy,” came an exasperated groan from behind the apocalyptic face of Soun Tendo. Instantly the enlarged head popped out of existence, leaving an embarrassed looking human in its wake, lightly rubbing the back of his head.

“Sorry about that, Akane,” Tendo chuckled. “You can’t blame your father for being a little protective of his baby girl.

Akane took a claming breath and answered, “I’m sixteen, and not a baby any more. I was ready for his attack you know, one good whack on the head and he wouldn’t be a problem anymore.”

The demon continued to slump against the wall, confused. Normally mortals would be screaming, or trying to run away. These two threw him by having a family argument and ignoring him.

He decided to regain their attention, and hopefully their fear, “I’m going to peel your skin off!”

“Oh, shut up!” The snap kick he received to his already abused stomach was complemented nicely by the mallet to the face as the twin shouts from father and daughter echoed in his ears.

The last thing he heard before he passed out was the girl sighing, “What a moron.”

and

She shook her head in disbelief, and then looked up at the final touch. Scrawled across the wall of the main room in bad English characters was a warning for her, the whimsical smiley face at the end notwithstanding.

“Da Wrecking Crew Was Here!”

Below it in smaller, neater letters was an addendum, “Have a nice day.”

From Tail Kinker's Fear Chapter 12

"I am called Tiger Akagi."

"...Akagi?" Asuka blinked.

"Yes. You might tell Ritsuko, when you return to the waking world, that I miss her."

"Doctor Akagi is your owner?"

"Please." The cat's voice dripped disdain. "Dogs have owners. Cats have staff."

and

The torch landed on the stone floor, but did not go out. Shinji followed it, releasing the rusty metal ladder once his feet hit the ground. He wiped his hands on his pants, and picked up the torch.

"Okay, we got a stone passage." He touched a wall. "It's kind of damp, and definitely dirty, but it goes straight towards the mountains. I think that this is the way we have to go."

He shivered; the air down here was quite chill. The stone walls were well-fitted, but quite close together. He wasn't overly claustrophobic, but he wished there was more room.

"Look out below."

He glanced up, then stepped out of the way as Asuka dropped down beside him. She held an unlit torch, which she lit from his. "Rei's coming, let's get out of the way." They both moved some distance from the well. A third torch, also lit, dropped to the stone floor, and then Rei climbed down. She picked it up, then joined the other two.

"Might interest you to know, Rei, that Shinji here got a pretty good look up my skirt while I was climbing down." Asuka smacked Shinji across the back of the head. "The pervert."

"I doubt that he saw anything worth noting."

Asuka scowled, but decided against any further argument on this course. "I've got point." She turned and marched down the passage.

Shinji shrugged, then turned to Rei. "I didn't see a thing."

"Did I not say that?"

[Atlan]

From Anime Adventure: Stop & Find
by dogbertcarroll

Darkness beyond blackest fudge, Deeper than the deepest nougat; King of Chocolate who shines Like night upon a sea of caramel; I call upon thee and swear myself to thee! Let the fools who stand before me be engulfed By the powers you and I possess! GIGA …

[Shadell]

From chapter 8 of Case13's "Operator."

'...that is my lieutenant?' Ino blinked he looks... what? Fourteen?' She frowned thoughtfully. '...and... kinda familiar.'

"...Don't I know you from somewhere...?"

Years of working and helping in the flower shop honed her ability to remember faces. She usually didn't forget and the guy was pretty distinctive. Konoha had only a handful of blonds, after all. Most in her clan, at that.

"Yeah... Yeah I do..." She muttered. '...blond... blond... who do I...?'

"Don't strain yourself." Naruto smirked. "We went to academy together, Yamanaka. Uzumaki Naruto, 21A."

She blinked owlishly.

"You know, the guy that that fucker Iruka always yelled at?" Naruto prodded and Ino's eyes widened.

"...no way..." She muttered with disbelief. "You dropped out!"

"No, I just graduated early." Naruto shrugged.

"...But... but..." Ino scowled. "Hey, I remember you now! You were the dead last two years running! How the HELL could you graduate early?!"

"I did it in true ninja fashion." Naruto said solemnly.

Ino blinked.

"I cheated."

[Drawde]

From Black Dragons "Millennium", Chapter 8

"Pfeh. Dumb girls, freaking out over nothing. Can't even recognize a tranquilizer gun when they see one," Snake mumbled as he climbed out of the ceiling duct, landing on the floor of the maintenance closet and dusting himself off briefly. "Or a flashbang for that matter. What are they teaching kids nowadays in these worthless schools?"

Taking a moment to close the entrance to the air ducts, he slipped the rifle over his shoulder and walked out into the hall. It was certainly unusual for the American to carry anything non-lethal on his person, but he DID have special armaments for the occasions in which he couldn't kill the people that were annoying him.

"You! What are YOU doing here?"

Blinking, the American turned around to look down the hall. He was quite surprised to see Mamoru Chiba stalking down the hall toward him, looking understandably displeased. Well, he wasn't actually "stalking" so much as "limping," as the man seemed to have taken another bullet to the leg at some point.

"Can I help you?" Snake asked, looking honestly confused as to why the man seemed so upset.

Mamoru scowled as he approached. "I asked what you were doing here."

"I just drove Usagi-chan and Ranma down here. What's the problem?"

"What's the problem? WHAT'S THE PROBLEM?!" Mamoru screamed, causing Snake to wince from the noise. "Look at my leg! I was shot AGAIN! Every time I go near you or your headquarters, I get shot! I've had so much surgery recently that the nurses put a nameplate on my hospital room as a joke!"

The American nodded, rubbing his chin. "I see... well, I don't remember shooting you since the last time I was here, but I don't really deserve the benefit of the doubt. I DO shoot a lot of people." He raised an eyebrow. "So, EVERY time you come near me, you get shot in the leg?"

"When I'm lucky," Mamoru growled. "The first time you shot me in BOTH legs! And the second time you got my arms, too!"

"I see," Snake mumbled. "For a man with such intelligent pattern recognition, you sure aren't very bright, then."

Mamoru raised an eyebrow. "Huh? What's that supposed to mean?"

Blam! Blam!

Snake's final response was so obvious

[Scooter]

From A boy in the Hand, chapter 10

a popular curse among the kami is ‘may you receive over seventy virgins’ as it guarantees an eternity of teeth scraping and awkwardly positioned bodyparts when you are trying to enjoy yourself.

[CRBWildcat]

From Ai Tennshi's Deeper Than the Sea:

Zoro would have gaped at Luffy’s response if he hadn’t gone on without a single pause. “I’m hungry. I need food.”

Zoro rolled his eyes.

“Then go to the cafeteria.”

“Which way is the cafeteria?” asked Luffy, looking left and right. Zoro looked around as well.

“Well, I don’t think it’s here…I think it had a roof…”

“It did,” Luffy nodded. “At least, I think it did. And…” He peered over the edge of the sudden cliff that seemed to go all the way around the ground that he was standing on. “I think I’ve solved the mystery!”

“What mystery?” asked Zoro curiously.

“The mystery of where we are!”

“What mystery? I know perfectly well where we are!”

“Didn’t you just say you didn’t?”

“No, I said that you were supposed to know.”

“Okay, where are we?”

“In the school.”

“Wrong!” Luffy informed him cheerfully.

“What do you mean, wrong?” snapped Zoro. “Where else would we be? We’re in the school!”

“No, we’re on the school.”

“No we’re- What do you mean ‘we’re on the school’?” Zoro demanded incredulously.

Luffy pointed over the cliff beside him.

“Look. The ground’s way, way down under us, there’re no walls around us, and there’s no roof on top of us, so either we’re on a cliff or we’re on top of the school.” He paused for a moment. “Do you think we’re on a cliff?”

“No…” said Zoro slowly, looking at his feet. “See? I think this ground is too smooth to be natural.”

“No, look!” said Luffy, picking up a rock. “There wouldn’t be rocks on a roof, right?”

“I’ve seen people chucking rocks onto the roof fairly often.”

“From five floors down?”

“No, out the windows.”

“…Was that more of that ‘sarcasm’ thing that you were talking about earlier?”

“No, I was serious.”

“You throw rocks up onto the roof out of windows?”

“When classes are particularly boring, yeah.”

“No wonder you didn’t graduate.”

“Hey!”

[Scooter]

From Dark Lord Ranma Addventure series.

Pochi looked around; wanting to make certain he was alone in his lab, before he started his ritual to ensure successful work. But seeing that only he and subject 52-A were alone—and she was barely alive at this point, nowhere near alert—he started his ritual.

Seeing he was set, he activated the special crystal.

A la tuhuelpa legria macarena Que tuhuelce paralla legria cosabuena A la tuhuelpa legria macarena Eeeh, Macarena

“A-Hai!” cried the doctor, as he began to rebuild her. He had the technology … and the rhythm.

[Comartemis]

The basic concept behind a fic called This Means War! by Jeconais

From: Severus Snape

To: All Staff @ Hogwarts

Subject: The upcoming war

No, not the one with Voldemort, the interesting one.

After a discussion between Minnie, Pommy, Fillie, and me, it's become obvious that last night's distraction could be the start of something a lot bigger.

The six Weasley boys are against their sister dating anyone till she is 24. I happened to stumble across the Twins having a quiet word with Dean Thomas – I had hoped they'd never set foot back in Hogwarts again, but that's not the point – they explained their position, and threatened the boy with some rather dire punishments involving parts of his anatomy and a permanent shrinking charm.

With Ms Weasley's rather public declaration of interest in Potter, I feel that, as teachers, we need to step into this immediately.

So, I'm offering:

4-1 odds on the Weasley's winning

2-1 on Potter winning

The rules are simple – The Weasley's win if Potter and Ms Weasley break up. Potter wins if they are still together at the end of the school year.

All bets are void in the case of Voldemort killing the boy – I don't think we'd care either way if that happens.

Severus

--

Advocating the end of silly wand waving for fifteen years

I must say, I rather like Jeconais' take on good old Severus.

From: Deputy Headmistress McGonagall

To: All staff

Subject: Re: The upcoming war

I'm truly disgusted that the upstanding denizens of Hogwarts faculty would denigrate themselves to such a level that they would bet on a student's love life.

That said...20 on Harry

Minnie

--

Puurrrr

[Not-Going-to-Tell]

A silly little author's note from Wax Wane Repeat

A/N: Huzzah, my first Symphonia fic. My reading of fics in this section leads me to warn you that there will be spoilers if you haven't played the game, but then again if you haven't played the game then what are you doing reading fanfics in this section - nothing will make sense! This fanfic features my favourite couples of Sheela x Lloyd (Sheloyd) and Zelos' Head x Raine's Staff (Zelaff).

And this little gem from Tales from Hayate's House, now with 200% more Yuri.

Vita watched the two start down the hall, still in shock from Zafira’s display of motherly affection, Zafira’s tail in a full out wag. It was then that it hit Vita, the truth about Vivio’s parentage, Vivio didn’t have two moms… she had three.

[bissek]

When your colleagues think this little of you, you're in trouble.

From A_Mothers_Love:

“Well my name is Namikaze Kushina and since I am your sensei I think I should explain a few things to you right now so that we understand each other. As your sensei it is my responsibility to give you my protection and to teach you all that I can. In return as my student it is your responsibility to follow my instructions and provide me your best effort at all times. Now when I tell you to stop cursing that’s a command, not a request, I expect you to obey me. As of right now I do not want to ever hear any more of that foul language coming out of your mouth.”

The girl planted her fists on her hips and stared back defiantly. “F#&k you! I don’t give a s#&t if you’re my f#&kin’ sensei! I’m not changing how I f#&king talk!”

“I see.” Kushina said calmly and smiled at the young woman. “How would you like me to introduce you to an old Uzumaki clan tradition?”

Gabrella had a sudden flashback. “Uhm, you might want to listen to her.”

Tayuya glared at the girl and then Kushina. “F#&k both of you!”

“I will take that as a yes.” Kushina said in a pleasant voice. And with surprising speed she reached out and grabbed a handful of Tayuya’s hair. She yanked the girl’s head down to waist level and began to painfully drag her out of the reception area and down the hall.

“Ow! What the f#&k are you doing you crazy f#&king bitch?! Let go of me bitch! I said let me f#&king go!” Tayuya howled and fought like hell to get out of Kushina’s grip. Her arms flailing about and her shouts were ignored as Kushina dragged her along. Shizune, the secretaries, the Chunin guards, the others waiting to meet the Hokage, all joined Gabrella and Haku as they watched Kushina drag a still fighting and cursing girl into the Women’s room.

“What is going on out here?” Tsunade came out of her office.

“Sensei is introducing the potty mouth to an Uzumaki clan tradition.” Gabrella answered with a straight face.

“I see.” Tsunade shook her head and went back to her office.

From the women’s room they could hear Tayuya screaming and then heard her voice being garbled.

“What do you think Kushina-sama is doing?” Haku asked.

“Sounds to me like she’s drowning the bitch.” Gabrella answered conversationally.

Haku looked worried. “Should we help?”

Gabrella shook her head. “No, I’m sure Kushina can drown her without our help.”

Haku gawked at her. “I mean should we prevent Tayuya’s drowning?”

Gabrella smiled. “Hell no!”

[Comartemis]

The Battle of Hogwarts, Jeconais style. This one had me laughing so hard I actually fell out of my chair. From chapter 10 part c of This Means War!

“Albus, did you invite a bunch of mask-wearing cowards to lunch?”

“I’m afraid not, Harry,” Albus replied solemnly.

“Then I believe we have some trespassers. Would someone be as kind as to raise the first ward so that Tom and I can have a little chat?”

“Are you going to taunt him?” George asked.

“I am,” Harry confirmed.

“Damn it, I’m on my way up, try and keep him talking for a second or two.”

“Okay, everyone keep this channel clear for important messages now. I’ll leave it open so you can hear what is going on.”

Harry hopped up onto the parapet and cast a couple of spells. The first magnified the area that Tom was leading his troops into, the second allowed those downstairs and hidden to see what was happening.

“Tom, what a pleasant surprise,” Harry called. He could see Voldemort stop, and then look up, before he cast a Sonorus spell.

“Harry, so sorry I’m early, but I do like to see old friends. Are you ready to die?”

“I’m afraid not. Why don’t you run away like the coward you are, give up the Dark Tosser malarkey, and we can all get on with our lives?”

“Don’t call me that,” Voldemort roared. “This is the day that you die, just like your parents.”

Harry looked down as an Mmail appeared from Fred. He read it quickly and shrugged. “Yeah?” he taunted, “Well, your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries! Now go away, or I shall taunt you a second time.”

Voldemort looked both taken aback and quite puzzled at what Harry had shouted at him.

“Pull!” George shouted. Harry turned to see Arthur pull the lever releasing the arm of the trebuchet. An object flew high into the sky, mooing loudly. As everyone watched it with a sense of surreal disbelief, it landed in the middle of the Death Eaters, crushing one completely.

“George,” Harry said slowly, “did you just hurl a large, live cow at the Death Eaters?”

George nodded and looked very pleased with himself. “It’s a Muggle tradition,” he explained solemnly. “All battles begin with taunting and a cow hurled by trebuchet.”

Harry stared at him for a long moment. “And just who, pray tell, told you that?”

“Hermione, of course! We figured we’d insult the Dark Tosser by doing things the Muggle way, so we asked her for details. She was great! She made us visual guides and everything.”

“Was it a real cow?”

George assumed an injured look. “Of course not! That wouldn’t be fair to the cow! We Transfigured one of Neville’s Giant Devil’s Snares, just in case somebody cast a Finite Incantatem on it.”

“Get back downstairs, you lunatic,” Harry said, trying to hide his laughter.

“Yes, my general,” George saluted before vanishing.

Harry shook his head and grinned, wondering how long it would be before the Weasley twins found out they’d been pranked by the least likely person in Hogwarts.

Where's the Black Knight when Voldy needs him, eh?