Trouble Becomes Him (Chapter 1)

[Crescent Pulsar]

Linkage!

This is a To-Love-Ru fan-fic. I don't expect many people to be familiar with the series, so... Anyway, it's nothing special, but I wanted to get it off of my mind so I can focus on writing other things. It's likely to be changed in the future, since the series is still on-going: because I'd rather not leave any conflicting information lying around, if that turns out to be the case. But, eh. I figured it wouldn't hurt to throw it up here, as it is.

[Dumbledork]

So far I've only read the first three volumes of To Love Ru and I don't know someofthe charas in the story, but it looks all right to me. Very funny so far.

[Comartemis]

Interesting. Most interesting. And some very good writing, to boot.

[Ahye]

I have to say that I very much enjoy To-Love-Ru and it's VERY hard to find any fanfics for that series. Be fun to see a Ranma cross with it, but thats another topic. Regarding your fic, I'll make comments as I read it.

people were now being jet skied out of porta potties and pulled across a lake, on a toilet, with their pants down

Strangely enough, I've seen that show. It was quite funny as presented.

Momo, snuggling up against his shoulder

I see you've been reading the most current issues.

Well, after finishing reading, I'm thinking I want to read more. Its nicely written, current with the latest releases, and has a semi-well used, but always fun plot device. The only real fault I can find with it is that it's a bit short. It seems to cut off a little, although it could segway into them going to school and discussing the new suitor along the way or something fairly easily for the next chapter. Hope to see more of this sometime soon.

[Crescent Pulsar]

Oh, wow. I wrote something within a week?

Well, since it was short, I figured I could lay down some more of the foundation. Still some characters yet to appear, but they'll be appearing in the next chapter. Well, whenever I get around to it.

My plate's so full... X_X

Also, I snipped a little bit from the prologue, and changed it at the beginning of chapter one. But it's negligible, so... I tried to improve how the prologue ends and the first chapter begins. Woooo~

[Kilich]

I saw only a couple of anime episodes, so I don't know much about characters, but it's a very fun read.

[Dumbledork]

Just finished reading the chapter. Great job once again. The only thing that bothers me a bit is that Rito's realizes too fast that he might stay a girl for a very long time, and that it doesn't really faze him all that much. It would be more interesting to leave hm in denial for a bit until he has a breakdown. That reaction would be much more logical.

[Crescent Pulsar]

Rito's sort of passive-aggressive about it, in the manga. He doesn't like being a girl, and it shows during certain situations in particular, but he also reluctantly deals with it.

In this case, there's no guarantee that he will be a girl for a long time. In fact, when he had no guarantee the first time around, in the manga, it didn't concern him at all. At least now he actually knows that it's possible to be changed back.

The usual situations that he gets into aside, the only real change is that Yami is exacerbating the problem that he has with being a girl: doing things that girls do; especially in regard to being around naked girls. Other than that, there's no need for denial, and neither was there in the manga; thus, there wasn't. So it's not really logical to do so.

So not being fazed is understandable, too. At this point he's already been a girl several times, and he knows he can change back. Although it depends on what kind of fazing we're talking about. I do make it evident that he's griping about it, and in a poor mood in general, regarding how long he may or may not be a girl. But that's normal for him.