REN Side Story - Kill the Cullens

[LawOhki]

Here's the beginning to another one of the side stories that I want to do for REN. Quite obviously this one deals with Twilight and their future demise. Of course actually doing a little research for this I became more and more disgusted by the whole Twilight series and the author in general. BUT, I will not fall into needless bashing. There's no need, any kind of sane or reasonable outside person would realize how retarded these people are.

Since the stupid gets worse as the series goes on I decided to pick up right at the start because there's a convenient excuse of humans being killed.

Originally it was just going to be random slaughter without much story, but I'm trying to exercise my abilities and write a oneshot with twilight that isn't just fanwank, and I will try to keep the Twilight characters in character. As horrible of characters as they are.

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Ranma took a deep breath through her nose, taking in the scent of the forest around her before finally exhaling slowly. The night was late, a crescent moon just starting to fall behind a mountain across from her position on the side of another. Sitting on the root of a large tree, she watched the forest below for signs of movement.

Dressed in blue jeans, two modified Sig P229 pistols were contained within a tactical holster strapped to each thigh. A long black leather duster covered her orange tshirt, and of course helped to make her look more intimidating. Even though she was far shorter than most people in America. But since that helped her get the drop on her targets, it was best not to change it just for vanity. At least not at the moment.

“This was such a nice night.” She said to herself, gazing at the moon. “And these stupid vampires kept me from enjoying it.”

Several murders had drawn Hellsing’s attention to this region of the world, murders that were caused by a blood sucking variety of creature. So because she had set off Integral by doing a few harmless pranks, it had become her job to go track down some lesser vampires and kill them. Integral wasn’t real specific on whether or not she should kill just the one responsible, or just any she could find. Which meant she was going to play it by ear.

With a great deal of difficulty she had tracked a small group of them here. They were different from what she usually encountered, barely vampires really. Other than that they survived off blood there wasn’t much similarity. The only reason they even stayed out of the sun was because their skin reflected the light in an obviously inhuman way. Ranma really wished that in the briefing she had gotten more information on their full abilities.

Then again, that’s what made this job fun. Slipping from her position, she took off down jumping down the steep hill. Bouncing between footholds, she paused briefly to find the next, before she was off again. The forest blurred into a wall of trees as she weaved her way through them. She could hear the struggling of an animal now and didn’t need her extra perception to find her targets.

Pausing behind a tree, Ranma slowly leaned out to see two vampires feeding off a large grizzly bear. One was a dark haired female who was actually shorter than her with a thin build. The other was a blond male who was nearly two meters in height. Both were dressed like fashion models, so they were likely very wealthy or simply took what they wanted.

Having seen enough, she shoved her hands into the pockets of her jacket, and casually stepped out from behind the tree. It was strange watching a vampire feed from something other than a human and she was actually repulsed by the act. Blood maybe blood, but a vampire took it from a human source.

“Sorry if I’m interrupting.” She spoke up, drawing the pair’s attention. They disengaged from the now dead bear, and looked at her warily. “I’m looking for some information, maybe you could help me.” She bowed her head and walked closer. “You two wouldn’t happen to be sampling the local humans would you?”

“We don’t feed from humans.” The girl answered. “We’re vegetarians.”

“Uh sure you are.” Ranma smiled to cover up her disgust at what the two had fed from show.

“You have fangs.” The tall male noticed.

“I’m not the same as you.” She answered. “I’m here to investigate the human killings, and remove whoever is doing it.” Ranma removed her hands from her pockets and brushed the jacket back to place her hands on her hips. “So if it’s not you, I imagine that you know other vampires in the area.”

“None of our family feeds from humans.” The girl answered Ranma’s challenge.

“Sorry but I’ll have to intrude on your family. Just to be sure.” Ranma crossed her arms to allow her jacket to hide the weapons once again.

“You’re not with the Volturi are you?” The man asked.

“Wait a minute, don’t tell me.” Ranma searched her brain for the answer, having heard it in the briefing. “That’s it, they’re some kind of group of you that keeps you below the radar of humans. But no, I’m not with them. So if you’re done with your-- meal. Would you mind bringing me to see your family?”

X x x x x x

The two vampires brought Ranma to a very large home far from the town. It was four stories with a garage built into the bottom floor. Tall glass windows lined the walls and the entire place screamed big money. Which eliminated the pair stealing their clothing, unless they had taken this home from someone rich.

This mission was turning out to be surprisingly easy. If these vampires were living completely off the local wildlife, and staying away from humans, than they would be unhappy with someone who did. Then again, making the hunt easier would take away the enjoyment of finally finding her target.

“So before we allow you to forcibly make us take you inside, could you at least tell us your name?” The female vampire asked, clearly thinking that Ranma’s weapons were not dangerous. Of course they didn’t know that the special incendiary rounds she had brought that would light them up like a match from the inside. (1)

“My name’s Ranma.” She introduced herself.

“Well I’m Alice Cullen and this is Jasper Hale.” The tiny vampire introduced the pair.

“Nice to meet you I guess.” Ranma really wasn’t interested in knowing the names, but Integral would want a full report once this was over. So she would have to remember the names of these vampires if she didn’t end up killing them.

The inside of the home was as opulent as the outside. Pausing at a painting that stretched from the floor to the ceiling, she debating on asking where this wealth came from, which would also answer whether or not these vampires had been preying on the local populace.

“This way.” The girl called to Ranma while heading up a flight of stairs.

Following, she came upon a spacious living room with a group of four split into two groups. One contained a tall muscular man and an attractive blonde woman, both looked to be in their late teens. The other had another tall man with blond hair, and a brunette woman of average height. This second group looked to be in their early twenties. Ranma noticed that the group all had eyes with a gold tint to them and she wondered if they had all been made by the same vampire.

“I see we have a guest.” The blond man smiled pleasantly.

“She says she’s looking for the vampires who murdered the humans recently.” The girl Alice once again spoke up.

“And I also need to make a decision about all of you.” Ranma added. “So if you could tell me how you got this place.”

“We’ve amassed a fortune over the years and bought it.” The blond man answered.

Ranma slowly scanned the group of six and found that the man wasn’t lying. “And your eating habits? She said that you did not feed from humans.”

“That’s right, we’re vegetarians.” The brunette woman spoke up. “We feed on animals not humans.”

“Right, I’ll just need you to give me some information.” Digging into a pocket she pulled out a notepad and pen and handed it to the blond man. “Your name, when you were turned, by who, and who you associate with.”

“You’re being awfully demanding.” The large muscular vampire laughed at her request.

“As I already told her.” Ranma jerked a thumb at the small vampire. “I’m not part of your little Volturi group, but who I am with makes it a mission to wipe out all vampires. But if you-- register yourself, and refrain from feeding off humans, then you won’t be targeted.”

“What group is this?” The blond man asked, clearly understanding that she wasn’t just playing a game.

“Hellsing.” She answered.

“Based out of England?” He added, likely knowing who she was talking about in some way.

“Yes I have an accent, ha ha.” She rolled her eyes wondering why everyone she met in America thought her accent was either cute or thought it was a good idea to ask if she was from England. “And yes we are based in England.”

“I’m sorry but we can’t give you the information that you want. Secrecy is what protects my family.” The blond man gave her back the notepad and pen.

“And you all agree with that?” Ranma briefly held out the notepad and at the lack of response put it back in her pocket. Digging in the inside of her jacket, she summoned up a blood pack she had stored away. “Sorry I didn’t eat tonight.” She casually removed the top and started to slurp up the red liquid. “Now, I’ll let you off the hook this time, but I better not have to come back.”

Out of the corner of her eye she caught movement from one of the male vampires, Jasper, as he attempted to get at the blood pack. Without pausing, she sidestepped him and spun on her heel to lightly tab him on the back of the neck with her free hand. He dropped to the floor and skidded to a stop. The vampire didn’t remain down, and was quickly back on his feet for another rabid attempt to get at the blood. Casually she planted a foot in his chest and briefly held him in place, flailing his arms uselessly before he shoved her leg to the side.

Sliding backwards, she drew up one of her pistols, and aimed it directly at his forehead. She didn’t fire because the rest of the vampires had grabbed their out of control member an instant before she would have set him ablaze. Finishing off her meal, she put the pistol back in its holster.

“Vegetarian huh?” Ranma teased.

“Jasper is new to it, you just surprised him.” Alice defended the vampire. “If it wasn’t for that blood there wouldn’t have been a problem.”

“I’m going to have to ask you to leave.” The blond man insisted and Ranma finally decided that he was the leader here, if not the maker of several of them.

“I was already going to leave.” Ranma replied casually, spinning to walk towards the steps she had come up.

When Ranma was sure she wasn’t visible to any onlookers, she transformed into a bat, and circled the home looking for a place to remain for the day. Finding a window cracked open just enough, she flew inside, keeping as far from the residents as possible, she found a room that looked to be some kind of daytime reading or music listening room, and landed on the bookshelf.

Crawling on all fours, she shifted a book to the side, and hid behind them in the darkest corner she could find. It wouldn’t afford her a good sleep, but while here she could listen in to the occupants. Too bad being a bat designed to hang off the ground meant there weren’t really any comfortable ways to lay behind the books. So she focused on the conversation echoing through the home. Most of it was vacant nonsense about her and what her presence may mean. There also seemed to be another vampire who was out watching some human girl sleep, and that wasn’t creepy at all.

‘I hope this room isn’t on the side that gets direct sunlight.’ She thought while yawning.

[Spokavriel]

Here's the beginning to another one of the side stories that I want to do for REN. Quite obviously this one deals with Twilight and their future demise. Of course actually doing a little research for this I became more and more disgusted by the whole Twilight series and the author in general. BUT, I will not fall into needless bashing. There's no need, any kind of sane or reasonable outside person would realize how retarded these people are.

Since the stupid gets worse as the series goes on I decided to pick up right at the start because there's a convenient excuse of humans being killed.

Originally it was just going to be random slaughter without much story, but I'm trying to exercise my abilities and write a oneshot with twilight that isn't just fanwank, and I will try to keep the Twilight characters in character. As horrible of characters as they are.

Sadly I was only able to get this far. I wish I could send you some White Wolf RPG guides so that the whole thing could be fleshed out a lot less pathetically but keeping those characters in character is a crime. I wish I never paid attention when I asked people what they were talking about when they mentioned the crap.

[LawOhki]

Sadly I was only able to get this far. I wish I could send you some White Wolf RPG guides so that the whole thing could be fleshed out a lot less pathetically but keeping those characters in character is a crime. I wish I never paid attention when I asked people what they were talking about when they mentioned the crap.

The whole thing is for Ranma to kill them for in universe reasons, not just mindless bashing. Even though twilight deserves all hate it gets and more. There's also going to be a great deal of Ranma intentionally and unintentionally making fun of them.

[frice2000]

My first question here is that the USA doesn't have a paranormal warfare division of some kind? I would think from a historical perspective you would have a relatively un-continental approach to these exterminations. I mean sure the Protestants would likely have a foothold but that would change later. I'd expect some sort of sectarian organization in the US really considering the massive amounts of religious blending and the US government supporting an organization based on religion is slightly odd. Anyway, I'm just sort of rambling let me actually read more of this .

It was strange watching a vampire feed from something other than a human and she was actually repulsed by the act. Blood maybe blood, but a vampire took it from a human source.

My favorite source material for what a vampire can feed on is really the TV show Forever Knight (which I hope you've seen good show). Speaking of Forever Knight would be cute to see a side story using that cannon for this story if it strikes your fancy and there are so few good Forever Knight fics to begin with. It may be slightly more compatible then Twilight but then this should be really good for some laughs.

“I’m not the same as you.” She answered.

Give some emotion to the description of how she answered. I could read that line as her saying it incredibly sarcastically, haughtily, snobbishly, angrily, irritated...All of them could fit.

she debating on asking

debated

“And yes we are based in England.”

Hmm...I've known a few people from England and some of them get quite offended if you don't call the country Great Britain or the United Kingdom so you may want to change that.

All in all interesting. I have no idea why you've actually subjected you to reading those novels. I downloaded the first one and threw it on my e-reader and got 20 pages in before desperately attaching it to my computer to remove the abomination.

[LawOhki]

My first question here is that the USA doesn't have a paranormal warfare division of some kind? I would think from a historical perspective you would have a relatively un-continental approach to these exterminations. I mean sure the Protestants would likely have a foothold but that would change later. I'd expect some sort of sectarian organization in the US really considering the massive amounts of religious blending and the US government supporting an organization based on religion is slightly odd. Anyway, I'm just sort of rambling let me actually read more of this .

Such questions are being ignored since I'm playing more fast and loose with these as a whole. Basically the premise for the side stories is that Ranma gets whored out to multiple countries to deal with issues.

Hmm...I've known some people from England and some of them get quite offended if you don't call the country Great Britain or the United Kingdom so you may want to change that.

All in all interesting. I have no idea why you've actually subjected you to reading those novels. I downloaded the first one and threw it on my e-reader and got 20 pages in before desperately attaching it to my computer to remove the abomination.

Ranma's not originally from England and it's just a place to stay really. So there isn't any pride in it.

I didn't read them, I'm using a combination of this site and the rifftrax (mst3k) version of the first movie as a base for characterization.

[Spokavriel]

Something occurred to me. Sorry I still haven't actually read this. But isn't this side story incompatible? After all didn't it get stated when they found Chippie Were Ryouga that Were wolves were considered extinct?

[frice2000]

But isn't this side story incompatible?

/smack. She's doing a spoof don't be overly critical...oh wait I was too. Sowwy .

Ranma's not originally from England and it's just a place to stay really. So there isn't any pride in it.

I didn't read them, I'm using a combination of this site and the rifftrax (mst3k) version of the first movie as a base for characterization.

Heh she can just be using the country as a place to stay I just can see the characters around her whacking her if she called it England and training her to call it the right and honorable name.

It's encouraging that you're not actually reading them however watching the first movie even with Mike Nelson taints you. Sparing yourself the books though that can only be healthy for you!

And nothing about the Forever Knight bait? Rats...was hoping I could get you to give that series some love.

Anyway nice work looking forward to more. I honestly was expecting a little bit more humor but the ease at which she dealt with any challenge can only lead to this being very satisfying. I was honestly expecting a more sophisticated but similar spoof as this story: A Strange Visitor, so not seeing that is a nice surprise.

[LawOhki]

Something occurred to me. Sorry I still haven't actually read this. But isn't this side story incompatible? After all didn't it get stated when they found Chippie Were Ryouga that Were wolves were considered extinct?

The side stories are loosely tied to the main story but are side stories because they wouldn't or couldn't fit into the main story. Kind of like the various Tenchi series. 30 Days of Night is also one I wanted to do, and possibly something with James Bond.

And like I said frice, it's more of an exercise is killing them off for in universe reasons rather than just random bashing, no matter how much they all deserve it.

[Konsaki]

This pretty much sums up my thoughts on Twilight...

[LawOhki]

Waking from her fitful sleep, Ranma felt the sun hit her directly as a book was moved. ‘Wait, book was moved?’ Removing her wings from where they had been held around her head in an attempt to hold off the glare of the sun. With her eyes trying to adjust to the light, she found a plain looking human girl looking down at the book she had just pulled away. Ranma didn’t have time to back up behind another book before the girl spotted her.

‘Damn!’ Ranma cursed though it came out as a small squeak. Simultaneously the human dropped the book with a gasp. With a powerful flap of her wings, Ranma shot out from her hiding spot and past the girl’s head towards the window that was still open. She never reached it before a hand snatched her out of the air.

‘Lemme go!’ She protested this treatment and added a few not so nice insults that came out as a series of squeaks while flapping her wings wildly.

“So do you keep bats around the house?” The human asked.

Ranma quit struggling, realizing that with this form she didn’t have the raw strength to break free. The vampire that had caught her was not one that she recognized from before, so he must have been the one off watching a human sleep, which would be the girl that had exposed her hiding spot. ‘If this vegetarian tries to make a snack out of me he’s dead.’

“No, this little guy must have flown in through the window while I was at your house.” The vampire released her with a throw towards the window and Ranma quickly flapped away to land up on the roof.

‘How didn’t he realize what I am?’ She wondered, sliding over the edge to hand down, and watch the pair. The two were talking awkwardly about music and this lead to them doing an even more awkward dance. As payback for waking her up, she caused the girl to slip, and fall into a stack of cds over a meter high. ‘No matter, I better go see if I can get a hold of the local police so they don’t go blundering into a hungry vampire.’ Yawning, she set off for the town.

The day was thankfully overcast and she found the town quickly. It took even less time to locate the police building. Without caring that humans might see, she reformed as a human directly in front of the building wearing the clothing from last night, minus the two pistols but adding a set of sunglasses.

“Forks Police Department.” She read the blue and gold plaque to the left of the doors before entering. Inside it was a generic small town police station, several deputies were working.

“Can I help you?” A pudgy man in uniform asked from behind a nearby desk.

“Yes, I need to speak to the Chief of Police.”

“Any particular reason?” The man raised himself up out of his swivel chair to leave over the desk and look down at her. In no mood to deal with some pushy human who had eaten far too many donuts, she commanded him to get the man.

“No reason I want to tell you.” Her polite smile left her face as soon as he had lumbered off to find the Chief. Turning around to lean against the desk, she watched some shoppers go by outside the door.

‘Why in the world am I up? I should go back to my hotel room and spend the day sleeping in my coffin.’ Resolving to do just that once she announced her presence and laid down the law on what was going to happen with the local police.

“You wanted to see me?”

Ranma pushed off with her hips from the desk and addressed a man in forties. “I am Ranma, you should have been told that I was coming.”

“Oh-- right. I’m Charlie Swan.” He held out a hand to be shaken.

“I’m dealing with some jet lag at the moment so I just wanted to stop by and make sure I told you some things before getting some sleep. Do you have an office that we could talk in?”

“Uh-- sure.” The man nodded twice and led her back into the station to an office in the back. He allowed her to enter first before closing the door behind him, and taking a seat at the desk. “I didn’t really think you would be so-- young.”

“Age can be deceiving Mr. Swan.” Ranma answered with a shrug while noticing a picture on the desk of the Police Chief and a girl Ranma had just had the pleasure of meeting. ‘I wonder if this guy knows his daughter his hanging out with those vampires.’ She wondered briefly before returning to the task at hand. “So what have you been doing to try and stop the killings?”

“Nothing that’s helped. Some hunting parties to find the animal, but.”

“Call them off, immediately if you have someone out.” Ranma butted in. “You’ve probably been lucky that you haven’t seen anything, if you had, then you would be dead.”

“Now wait a minute.”

“I’m not very good with bureaucratic stuff, but I have the authority to tell you what to do, and I would rather not have to explain the gory details about what you’re dealing with.” Ranma didn’t need to mentally command the human to do as she wanted; raising her voice was all that was needed.

“Alright, but if we’re not hunting this animal, how will we stop it?”

“I’ll deal with it.” She answered simply.

“How is it that you think that you’ll be able to do what a group of men with hunting rifles couldn’t do?”

She didn’t miss the emphasis that he put on men. “Heh.” Ranma closed her eyes and smirked. “Mr. Swan, I’m telling you to quit searching for your own safety.” Of course Ranma really didn’t care if a bunch of these humans wanted to go out and get slaughtered by actually finding the vampire responsible, it would just look bad for her. “But if you send out another search party, you won’t have your job for long.”

“At least let me and a couple deputies assist you.”

“If you want to assist I just need a ride back to the Olympic Suites Inn. Other than that, you’d just get in the way.”

“Fine.” The man agreed. “Give me a minute to make sure no one needs me and I’ll take you there myself.”

“Thanks.”

[frice2000]

Nothing really to comment on here. Would've been cute to see him reform into a male right in front of the Sheriff and see what exactly the reaction to that would've been. Anyway this is developing nowhere along the lines I expected so nice job!

[LawOhki]

Nothing really to comment on here. Would've been cute to see him reform into a male right in front of the Sheriff and see what exactly the reaction to that would've been. Anyway this is developing nowhere along the lines I expected so nice job!

And what did you expect?

[Spokavriel]

Consider Twilight. Is any answer really needed?

[frice2000]

Oops found a mistake.

‘Wait, book was moved?’

'Wait, the book was moved?'. Missing the.

And what did you expect?

Like I said before I expected a more sophisticated version of a story like this A Strange Visitor. Not seeing that is unexpected in a good way and I'm excited to see what you have planned. I thought you were just going to do the whole 1. Ranma enters town. 2. Ranma finds vampires. 3. Ranma is disgusted by vampires. 4. Ranma kills them all in an orgy of blood and death and leaves bored and unfulfilled while Bella curses her name. So seeing an actual plot is a surprise in a very good way.

[LawOhki]

“Hey Charlie, why are we sitting here?”

“Because Rob, I don’t trust her.” Charlie Swan answered his deputy Robert Paulson as they sat in an unmarked car across from the room he had dropped the government representative off at. “I mean how is she expecting to catch the animal killing people by herself?” Fuming, he simply didn’t understand how some kid was going to do what his office couldn’t.

It was dark before any lights came on in the room and another hour before the short redhead exited the room wearing the same clothing from earlier except with a gray shirt on underneath. He also made out the outlines of pistol holsters from an overhead light as she walked across the parking lot towards them.

“That her?” Robert asked.

“That would be her.”

“Seems like she’s coming towards us.” There weren’t any lights on in the car, and with no lights nearby, she shouldn’t be able to see anything but a dark vehicle.

The red haired teenager casually strolled up to them and knocked on the window. Unsure of how she actually spotted them, he rolled the manual window down. “Yes?” He asked. “You going hunting?” He added with a look down at her thighs briefly before going back up to red eyes. ‘I don’t think I’ve ever seen red eyes before’

“Don’t make me hunt you.” She answered cryptically. “Go home and get some sleep.” Slapping the top of the car twice, she strutted off laughing to herself.

“This is all your fault.” He turned to Robert who threw up his arms in mock defeat.

“What now?”

Starting up the car he rubbed at his forehead. “Sleep.” He repeated the red heads commands, unsure why that suddenly seemed so appealing.

X x x x x x

Ranma arrived at the scene of the most recent murder. The vampires who had done it had no doubt moved on, but that was why she had come here. The scene would be contaminated by so much humans having gone through the area, and the passage of time no matter how short would help erase what she was looking for, but that would be more of a problem to a mortal being.

Changing into a wolf form, she began to sniff around for the vampires scent. Normally she didn’t use this form, but for her purposes she needed to be able to keep her nose to the ground, and it was far easier to do it as a wolf than a human. She found it soon enough, the lesser vampires were so shockingly different than the mix of humans, almost sickeningly sweet, more like sugar than anything else.

Trotting off through the woods, the group didn’t seem to be trying to hide their trail at all. A dog could have been able to follow these vampires, so why hadn’t the human group found them yet? Speeding up, the trail abruptly stopped, and she had to return to the end to sniff around. Sitting on her haunches, she looked around the area, trying to figure out if they had backtracked or something else. Searching around the immediate area to see if they had jumped found nothing.

There was another reason to do this as a wolf besides being closer to the ground; scent became a better source of information, so much so that she could almost see the trail. Similar to how when in bat form, sound was useful for creating a mental map of the surrounding. Heading back to the crime scene, she headed off following another trail. It was older than the other one, and she quickly gave up on it when it became apparent that it was the way they had entered and not the way they had left.

‘I’m going to take my time when I finally find them.’ She thought darkly after going back to where she had first lost the trail. ‘Can they teleport?’ It was certainly a possibility, though she had been told these were purely physical vampires without such powers. This did explain why dogs wouldn’t have found anything, they would have happily followed the incoming path without considering what the age of the trail meant.

Reforming into a human, Ranma expressed her anger by punching her fist through a tree. Ripping her arm from the hole, needles rained down on her head, and shoulders. There was no way they could have jumped to another spot due to the large trees that surrounded the area being in the way, and she had checked the few directions possible. Shaking her head to clear some of the needles, she paused, and looked up into the giant trees that dominated the landscape.

“That’s how.” Her smile was sinister as she searched for signs to show where they had jumped up into the trees.