To Live And Love Again.

[ChasTaro]

OK here goes. This story was origanly posted on Lady Cosmos Site.
I am currently fighting chapter 8. (I think the chapter is winning.)
While fighting writters block, I am going over the early chapters.
I know that there are mistakes in grammer and spelling. Please fill free to
point out errors, and make input. Thanks! ChasTaro
I Don't own Ranma 1/2,Tenchi Muyo, or Sailor Moon. I just borrowed them for personnel enjoyment. No money here! Nope! I'm Poor, you hear me. So please don't sue me.
To Live And Love Again
Crossover: Ranma 1/2, Tenchi Miyo, Sailor Moon
By ChasTaro

Takes place after Tenchi OAV's, and after the battle with Herb in Ranma time line, Sailor Moon guest appearances
" "-Speach
( )-Thoughts
{ }-Notes
Chapter 1
Katsuhito Masaki was steadily sweeping the steps leading to the Masaki Shrine, thinking of the many changes his family had gone through since Tenchi had opened the cave of Ryoko. First had come Ayaka, and Sasami, followed Myhoshi, and finely Washu. Pausing, he looked out over the valley until his eyes rested on the now empty house. He recalled how during what on Juri was now called the Goddess War, Tenchi had declared that he loved all of them, and could never live without them. Once the Lady's Fonaho and Masaki heard this Tenchi's life, as a bachelor was doomed.
It had been a year now sense the wedding and they had left to live on Juri. Leaving Tenchi's father and himself here alone. Shortly there after, Tenchi's father had gotten a small apartment near his work, and only visited on the weekends.
"Lonely" he whispered." "I'm lonely."
Shaking his head, and resuming his sweeping he thought to himself.
(I can't dwell on this, it will only lead to depression.)
As Kastuhito continued to sweep he entered a meditative state,
reaching out to the local Chi lines of the valley, drawing strength into himself, until he felt a nearby disturbance. As he concentrated he realized there were two masters of the art fighting near by, but this was no friendly spar. No. This was a battle.

As he continued to monitor the battle from afar, feeling the ebb and flow of power as each fighter struggled for dominance. He felt the sudden buildup of power as both fighters readied their final attacks, and gasped as he realized even he would be hard pressed to withstand what was about to be unleashed.
There was a bright flash of light from behind the ridge across from the Temple, shortly followed by the sound of rolling thunder as even the very earth quaked from the forces released, and then a column of smoke, dust, and debris could be seen rising high into the air. Katsuhito stood in shock. Never had he seen such power released by fighters of earthly origins.
"This needs looking into."
Quickly returning to the temple to retrieve the Master key {1}, then to the house for Tenchi's pack and camping gear, first aid supply's and food. Later as he reached the ridge he was again shocked by the devastation before him. Mt. Horb was destroyed. The whole top third was gone, and the near side had collapsed in a massive landslide, forming a damn across the stream at its base.
Already a small lake was forming behind the damn. Making his way to the damn, and carefully crossing he began to search for any survivors. After several hours of searching, he sat to rest by the newly forming lake when a small patch of bright red cloth by the waters edge caught his attention. Making his way through the rubble he found an arm in a red shirtsleeve sticking up barely a foot above the rising water level. Grabbing the wrist he felt a week pulse. Knowing he hadn't much time he quickly cleared the rocks and dirt from the face and chest of the person. Katsuhito was totally shocked once more when he realized that the survivor was a young girl no more than 16 or 17 years of age.
{1} After the Goddess war Tenchi found he could summon the Lighthawk sword at will, so he returned the Tenchi-ken to Katsuhito. As a wedding gift Katsuhito had returned to Ryoko her gems. After Tsunami had appeared, and told him she had created a special link to Fonaho his space tree, so the gems weren't needed to keep them alive.

[J. St.C. Patrick]

A good begining.

While fighting writters block, I am going over the early chapters.

writer's

I know that there are mistakes in grammer and spelling.

grammar

Please fill free to point out errors, and make input.

feel
(forgive me)
Here's what I noticed in the story proper:

I Don't own Ranma 1/2,Tenchi Muyo, or Sailor Moon. I just borrowed them for personnel enjoyment.

personal

Crossover: Ranma 1/2, Tenchi Miyo, Sailor Moon

Muyo

First had come Ayaka, and Sasami, followed Myhoshi, and finely Washu.

Ayeka
Mihoshi
finally

He recalled how during what on Juri was now called the Goddess War, Tenchi had declared that he loved all of them, and could never live without them.

Jurai

Once the Lady's Fonaho and Masaki heard this Tenchi's life, as a bachelor was doomed.

Funaho
Misaki

It had been a year now sense the wedding and they had left to live on Juri.

since
Jurai

As Kastuhito continued to sweep he entered a meditative state, reaching out to the local Chi lines of the valley, drawing strength into himself, until he felt a nearby disturbance.

Katsuhito

He felt the sudden buildup of power as both fighters readied their final attacks, and gasped as he realized even he would be hard pressed to withstand what was about to be unleashed.

build up

There was a bright flash of light from behind the ridge across from the Temple, shortly followed by the sound of rolling thunder as even the very earth quaked from the forces released, and then a column of smoke, dust, and debris could be seen rising high into the air.

temple

Quickly returning to the temple to retrieve the Master key {1}, then to the house for Tenchi's pack and camping gear, first aid supply's and food.

supplies

Mt. Horb was destroyed.

Horai

The whole top third was gone, and the near side had collapsed in a massive landslide, forming a damn across the stream at its base.
Already a small lake was forming behind the damn. Making his way to the damn, and carefully crossing he began to search for any survivors.

dam

Grabbing the wrist he felt a week pulse.

weak

After Tsunami had appeared, and told him she had created a special link to Fonaho his space tree, so the gems weren't needed to keep them alive.

Funaho

[ChasTaro]

Ha! ha! You got me on the intro. Thats what I get for putting this up after drinking 3 rum and cokes. Anyway! I will start to correct my master copy, and backup copies. Thank you for your input.

[DCG]

Hey i remember this.
Good fic, only problem i had with is was that ranma and yosho got toghter way way to fast.

[ChasTaro]

DCG wrote

Good fic, only problem i had with is was that ranma and yosho got toghter way way to fast

Yes, I agree with you. Well this is my 1st fic. Anyway at the end of Chapt. 7, she is starting to question how she feels. And if she's ready for a relationship. I did that because I intend to slow it down between them for a while.

[ranger5]

Glad to see you working on this again. Gotta say I enjoyed it when I read it before and it will only get better with a little polishing.
Looks like most of the mispellings in Ch. 1 were caught so nothing to add there.
Like I said nice storyline and looking forward to seeing more of it soon.

[ChasTaro]

Back again. I'd like to thank the "King of Stuff" for the spelling corrections. I've already made changes to Chapter 2 based off of his input. If you see anything I've missed please let me know.
ChasTaro
I Don't own Ranma 1/2,Tenchi Muyo, or Sailor Moon. I just borrowed them for personal enjoyment. No money here! Nope! I'm Poor you hear me. So please don't sue me.
To Live And Love Again
Crossover: Ranma 1/2, Tenchi Muyo, Sailor Moon
By ChasTaro

Takes place after Tenchi OAV's, and After the battle with Herb in Ranma time line, Sailor Moon guest appearences
" "-Speach
( )-Thoughts
{ }-Notes
Chapter 2.
Ranma awoke suddenly, gasping for air, and trying to sit up. As she did so her whole body spassimed in pain as dizziness washed over her, forcing her to lie still. Getting her breathing under control, She shoved the throbbing pain in her head aside, and analyzed her situation. Left leg in splint (broken leg). Left arm in splint (broken arm). Ribs and chest bound (three, no, four cracked ribs). Cuts and bruises everywhere else, lying in a sleeping bag in a small tent (What the hell happened to me!) And then the memories came back, being locked as a girl by Herb, being told if he came home still a girl she'd be made to marry Soun Tendo, a shiver ran through her whole body at that thought, and finally the fight with Herb on Mt Horai. The whole battle played back in her mind, the kettle being thrown into a crevasse, Ryoga diving in after it, and the crevasse closing, burying him alive. Herb's and Ranma's final attacks, and how they had combined with each other destroying the mountain top, and causing the land slide she had gotten buried in, and then darkness.
"I, I lost."
Escaped her lips as tears she couldn't hold back rolled from her eyes.
Just then the tent flap was pushed aside, and an older man in the robes of a Shinto priest entered, carrying a bowl with steam rising from it. Setting the bowl down beside her the old priest said
"Well young lady, I'm glad to see you're finally awake."
"I've prepared some broth for you."
"W-Who?"
Ranma stuttered.
"I am Katsuhito Misaki, Priest of the Misaki Shrine located in the next valley over." "Now lets feed you this broth."
He gently lifted her head and began spooning the broth into her mouth. The warmth of the broth seemed to bring her mind back in to focus as between sips she asked.
"The others, M-My friends?"
There was a long pause, then the old man said.
"I searched for two hours before I found you." "Then spent the next while splinting your arm, and leg, dressing your wounds, and stuffing you into a sleeping bag to keep you warm." "After that, I searched until dark, checking back on you from time to time, I found no one else."
After a long pause Ranma managed a soft choked.
"Thank you."
Just barely holding back further tears. After she finished the broth, sleep claimed her again.
Ranma awoke slowly to the sound of the old man in the next room talking to some one on the phone. Looking around she found herself still in the sleeping bag lying on a futon in a room with tatim mats on the floor. She had hazy memories of the old man carrying her in the early morning twilight. She thought to herself.
(Well I guess this is it, the authorities will come to take me to the hospital, and when I won't give them a family name they'll send me to some orphanage). (Eventualy my family will find me.)
With that thought a steely resolve could be seen in her eyes.
"I'll commit seppuku before I'll marry that crying bastard Soun Tendo!"
Unknown to Ranma, Katsuhito had finished his call and was just on the other side of the rice paper door behind her. He had heard. A glare of light crossed his glasses as he thought about what he had just heard. He was very glad he had called his son-in-law to take them to the hospital and not the local authorities.
About 45 minuets later he came in and picked Ranma up explaining that they where going to the hospital. She said nothing not making eye contact just nodding her head. About half way down the shrine stairs, she looked up at the old man and said.
"You never asked for my name?"
He looked her in the eye.
" I'm sure you'll tell me when your ready."
She looked down again not able to look him in the eyes.
(I can't tell him my names Ranma, Nabiki'd find me for sure then.)
(Anyway Ranma's a boys name, and I'm just a weak girl now.)
As they neared the bottom she spoke softly.
"Ranko, my name is Ranko." {1}
A small smile came to his face as he said.
"Ranko, yes I think the name fits you, Wild Child, how appropriate, it's nice to finally be introduced, don't you think?"
Ranko looked up making eye contact.
"How?" "I mean nobody ever."
"Shh."
He shushed her.
"I can feel it in your Ki, your spirit, you are untamed and wild like the wind." "Not some delicate flower."
Her eyes grew large at that , she just starred at him until she realized she was blushing and quickly looked away to hide it. Thinking to herself.
(Damn now I'm startin to act like a girl.) (Blushing, and bein embarrassed an stuff like that.)
Ranko was saved from further embarrassment by the sound of a car nearing, looking up she saw a passenger van come out of the tree line and down a gravel lane leading to the foot of the shrine stairs. When the van stopped a man in a business suit got out, ran around and opened the side door. Katsuhito set Ranko gently into the back seat closed the door then climbed into the front passenger seat. When the other man got back into the drivers seat and started driving out of the valley, Katsuhito turned to Ranko and spoke.
"Ranko I'd like you to meet Nobuyuki, my son-in-law." "Nobuyuki, this is Ranko."
"Hello, sorry bout this."
Spoke Ranko.
"Nonsense, I'm only glad I could help a pretty young lady like you!"
Before Ranko could get mad, Katsuhito spoke in a very gruff voice.
"Nobuyuki!" "This girl is not some secretary in the office pool you can flirt with." "She is a proud warrior, and has been injured badly." "She is in no mood for your games."
Nyobuyuki's shoulders slumped.
"Please forgive me, father is right, I do sometimes go to far." "I meant no harm."
Ranko sat there stunned. No one had ever taken her side, they always said it was her fault. Finally after what seemed an eternity to Nyobuki, Ranko said.
"Its O K, no harm done."
This had the effect of Nobuyuki sitting up straight and a smile coming back to his face.
"It won't be long now."
He stated.
"We'll be at the hospital in a few minuets."
Ranko had to cover her mouth with her good hand to hide her smile, and keep from laughing as Katsuhito looked at her raised an eyebrow and then winked.
It didn't last long though, as the hospital came in view Ranko again thought of what was to come.
(When I won't give a last name they'll assume I'm a runaway and put my picture out.) (Eventually pop's or the Tendo's will find me.) (I just hope I heal up before they do so I can really run away.) Its ether that or, or seppuku.)
Nobuyuki pulled the van up to the emergency entrance, got out and ran inside. Soon he came out with an orderly pushing a gurney. In the mean time Katsuhito had opened the side door and carefully picked Ranko up, laying her gently on the gurney.
The emergency room was much like any other Ranko had been in, a central desk surrounded by open exam rooms with privacy curtains. The orderly wheeled her into one of the exam rooms and was joined by a nurse. They opened the sleeping bag, and slid her onto the exam table. Both were supprized by the amount of injures they saw. But quickly began taking vital signs and cataloging the injures for the doctor. As Ranko lay on the exam table trying to ignore the poking and prodding, she could hear the old man talking to the clerk at the central desk. Thinking.
(Here it comes, they'll be in here any second trying to get my name.)
"First name?"
"Ranko, as in Wild Child"
Pause.
"Last name?"
"Misaki".
The rest was lost to Ranko as she just stared at the ceiling trying to understand why the old man had done that.
(He gave them his family name.) (He said I was part of his family.) (Why?)
Shortly they covered Ranko in a light blanket and wheeled her out for X-rays. As she passed the desk Katsuhito was still standing there. She gave him a questioning look that all but demanded to know what he was doing. He just smiled at her and winked again.
To Ranko the time at the hospital seemed to drag on forever. Wheeled down to X-ray, wait, take X-rays, wait, wheeled back to exam room, wait, doctor check X-rays, wait, wheel to cast room, wait, get casts on arm and leg, and so on for most of the day. It was about 5p.m. when the finally wheeled Ranko out of the hospital. She had arrived there at close to 6a.m. a very long day indeed. The old man had sat with her the many times she was waiting, saying words to comfort her that all would be alright. The one time she tried to ask him why he had said she was Misaki, he had shushed her lying his finger across her lips, and saying they would talk later in private.
It was again Katsuhito who picked her up and sat her in the backseat of the van. As he did so she noticed a wheel chair and several boxes and bags in the back. Ranko wanted to ask why they where taking care of her when they didn't have to, but was just to exhausted and fell asleep within a few minutes of being sat in the van.
Nobuyuki glanced at the girl in the back seat. His mind full of questions, but knew Katsuhito would tell him what was going on when he was ready, and not before. As he drove back to the shrine he spoke.
"Well father, as you asked I opened the house up to air out, put out fresh bedding, and picked up the supplies you suggested."
Katsuhito replied with a grunt of acknowledgement. Glancing over, Nobuyuki saw the old man half turned around in his seat just staring at the girl in the back seat. This confused Nobuyuki, as he'd never seen the old man show so much interest in any of the many girls that had passed through the Misaki home.
"Well father, here we are." "Why don't you take Ranko in, I'll take care of all this stuff."
Ranko awoke realizing she was being carried. Opening her eyes she saw it was Katsuhito and relaxed. Looking around to see where they were. She saw it was early evening with the first stars starting to show in the sky, and they were crossing a footbridge over a lake. At the end of the bridge was a large ellaborate home that she vaguely remembered seeing that morning from the temple steps. As they neared it she realized the house was quite large by Japanese standards. Her eyes only got bigger as they entered,
(So much space!) (Every thing is so, so, I've never seen a house like this, its, its perfect!)
Katsuhito couldn't help the small smile that came to his lips as he watched Ranko twist her head left and right her blue eyes large with supprize trying to see everything at once. As she was being set on the couch her stomach chose that moment to growl loudly, letting all in the room know of her hunger. Katsuhito covered his mouth and pretended to cough to hide his laughter. Clearing his throat and speaking in a gruff voice.
"Well young lady, it seems you're quite hungry." "You just relax here while I prepare a meal for us."
With that he left through a door she guessed led to the kitchen. Looking around she saw a large panel on the wall in front of her.
(That can't be what I think it is can it?)
Looking further she spotted what looked like a remote control on the end table. Picking it up with her good hand she looked it over.
(This doesn't look too complicated.) (ON/OFF, CHANNEL UP, CHANNEL DOWN.)
Pushing a button the screen in front of her sprang to life. Scrolling through the channels she stopped shortly seeing footage taken from the air of Mt. Horai, the announcer talking about a volcanic eruption. As the program moved on to other news Ranko sighed and started channel surfing again. Finding nothing she wanted to watch she looked back at the control.
(Hyper Channels, I wonder what those are.)
Pushing the button the screen flickered again. The image before her was like nothing she'd ever seen before.
(What the hell!) (They're not human, but they look so real, so life like.) (You can usually tell its some guy in a rubber suit, but this.) (It looks real!) (What are they saying, and that music, it sounds just like one of those soap operas that Kasumi likes to watch.)
Nobuyuki choose that moment to enter the room, quickly sitting next to Ranko, Exclaiming.
"Oh good Ranko this in one of my favorite shows, but I never get to see it anymore as I live in the city now." "I wonder if Fukowa ever married Katora?" "Maybe I'll find out tonight." "Next time Tenchi visits with his wives I should ask Washu to set up a hyper receiver at my apartment." "They're suppose to visit this summer you know." "I wish they'd visit more often, but Jurai is 350 light years from here, and Tenchi can't be away long, being the Crown Prince and all, even with the space trees it's a long trip,,,,,."
Katsuhito clearing his throat interrupted Nobuyuki's rambling. Nobuyuki looked at Katsuhito seeing his stern look of disapproval, and realizing what he had done. He gulped and slowly looked over.
Ranko just sat there in shock, her eyes as large as saucers, and her skin pale.
"W-W-Wives!" "350 L-Light Years!" "Crown Prince?" S-Space Trees!"
All kinds of wild thoughts running through her head as she looked back and forth between them.
"Who, who are you guys?"
Katsuhito put his head in his hand, and let out a sigh.
(This is going to be a long night.)
{1} Ranma having told Katsuhito her name was Ranko will be called Ranko from this point on. Ranko in Japan is spelled with two symbols Ran and ko. The common one for Ran for a girl would translate as the name of a flower. While the one that Ranma uses for both his male and female names translates as wild or untamed.

[J. St.C. Patrick]

I'd like to thank the "King of Stuff" for the spelling corrections.

You're welcome. Glad to be of service.
Here is part one of what I found in this chapter:

As she did so her whole body spassimed in pain as dizziness washed over her, forcing her to lie still.

spasmed

Getting her breathing under control, She shoved the throbbing pain in her head aside, and analyzed her situation. Left leg in splint (broken leg). Left arm in splint (broken arm). Ribs and chest bound (three, no, four cracked ribs). Cuts and bruises everywhere else, lying in a sleeping bag in a small tent (What the hell happened to me!)

she
aside and ( no need for a comma here)
situation: left
arm); ribs
ribs); cuts
else; lying
?!).

And then the memories came back, being locked as a girl by Herb, being told if he came home still a girl she'd be made to marry Soun Tendo, a shiver ran through her whole body at that thought, and finally the fight with Herb on Mt Horai.

back. Being
Herb; being
Tendo - a shiver
thought - and

The whole battle played back in her mind, the kettle being thrown into a crevasse, Ryoga diving in after it, and the crevasse closing, burying him alive. Herb's and Ranma's final attacks, and how they had combined with each other destroying the mountain top, and causing the land slide she had gotten buried in, and then darkness.

mind: the
crevasse and Ryoga
it. The
Herb's and his ( I'm tempted to say His and Herb's )
landslide
been (suggestion)

"I, I lost."
Escaped her lips as tears she couldn't hold back rolled from her eyes.

Better for it to be all on one line:
"I, I lost." Escaped her lips as tears she couldn't hold back rolled from her eyes.

Setting the bowl down beside her the old priest said
"Well young lady, I'm glad to see you're finally awake."
"I've prepared some broth for you."

Better as:
Setting the bowl down beside her, the old priest spoke to her saying, "Well young lady, I'm glad to see you're finally awake. I've prepared some broth for you."

"W-Who?"
Ranma stuttered.

"W-Who?" Ranma stuttered.

"I am Katsuhito Misaki, Priest of the Misaki Shrine located in the next valley over." "Now lets feed you this broth."

Masaki ( Sorry, I confused you in my prior post - Misaki is the wife of Azuza and Masaki is the family name) Here:http://www.tmffa.com/ref-encyclopedia.html is a good source for the Tenchi Muyo names for people places and things)
over. Now let's (no need for quotation marks between sentences by the same speaker)

The warmth of the broth seemed to bring her mind back in to focus as between sips she asked.
"The others, M-My friends?"

into
asked, "The (as with the other speeches, put them on the same line as the sentence that identifies the speaker)

There was a long pause, then the old man said.
"I searched for two hours before I found you." "Then spent the next while splinting your arm, and leg, dressing your wounds, and stuffing you into a sleeping bag to keep you warm." "After that, I searched until dark, checking back on you from time to time, I found no one else."

said, "I
you. Then I spent
warm. After
time. I

After a long pause Ranma managed a soft choked.
"Thank you."
Just barely holding back further tears.

The 'Just barely' sentence cannot stand on its own. perhaps:
After a long pause Ranma, while just barely holding back further tears, managed a soft, choked, "Thank you."

Looking around she found herself still in the sleeping bag lying on a futon in a room with tatim mats on the floor.

tatami

She thought to herself.
(Well I guess this is it, the authorities will come to take me to the hospital, and when I won't give them a family name they'll send me to some orphanage). (Eventualy my family will find me.)
With that thought a steely resolve could be seen in her eyes.

you only need one thought here. (suggestion use single ' marks for thoughts)
She thought to herself, 'Well, I ...
orphanage. Eventually
me.' With that a steely...

About 45 minuets later he came in and picked Ranma up explaining that they where going to the hospital.

minutes
up, explaining
were

She said nothing not making eye contact just nodding her head.

nothing, not

About half way down the shrine stairs, she looked up at the old man and said.
"You never asked for my name?"

About half way down the shrine stairs, she looked up at the old man and said, "You never asked for my name?"
He looked her in the eye.
" I'm sure you'll tell me when your ready."
He looked her in the eye, "I'm sure you'll tell me when your ready."
you're

(I can't tell him my names Ranma, Nabiki'd find me for sure then.)
(Anyway Ranma's a boys name, and I'm just a weak girl now.)

name's
then. Anyway

As they neared the bottom she spoke softly.
"Ranko, my name is Ranko." {1}

As they neared the bottom she spoke softly, "Ranko, my name is Ranko." {1}
Ranko. My

A small smile came to his face as he said.
"Ranko, yes I think the name fits you, Wild Child, how appropriate, it's nice to finally be introduced, don't you think?"

A small smile came to his face as he said, "Ranko, yes I think the name fits you, Wild Child, how appropriate, it's nice to finally be introduced, don't you think?"
you. Wild
appropriate. It's

Ranko looked up making eye contact.
"How?" "I mean nobody ever."

Ranko looked up making eye contact, "How? I mean nobody ever..."

"Shh."
He shushed her.

"Shh." He hushed her.

"I can feel it in your Ki, your spirit, you are untamed and wild like the wind." "Not some delicate flower."

wind. Not

Thinking to herself.
(Damn now I'm startin to act like a girl.) (Blushing, and bein embarrassed an stuff like that.)

Thinking to herself,(Damn now I'm startin to act like a girl.) (Blushing, and bein embarrassed an stuff like that.)
girl. Blushing
being
or
bein'

Ranko was saved from further embarrassment by the sound of a car nearing, looking up she saw a passenger van come out of the tree line and down a gravel lane leading to the foot of the shrine stairs.

nearing. Looking
shrine's

Katsuhito set Ranko gently into the back seat closed the door then climbed into the front passenger seat.

seat, closed
door, then

When the other man got back into the drivers seat and started driving out of the valley, Katsuhito turned to Ranko and spoke.
"Ranko I'd like you to meet Nobuyuki, my son-in-law." "Nobuyuki, this is Ranko."

When the other man got back into the drivers seat and started driving out of the valley, Katsuhito turned to Ranko and spoke, "Ranko I'd like you to meet Nobuyuki, my son-in-law." "Nobuyuki, this is Ranko."
driver's

"Hello, sorry bout this."
Spoke Ranko.

"Hello, sorry 'bout this." said Ranko. (said rather than spoke, because you have Katsuhito 'spoking' in the previous sentence)

Before Ranko could get mad, Katsuhito spoke in a very gruff voice.
"Nobuyuki!" "This girl is not some secretary in the office pool you can flirt with." "She is a proud warrior, and has been injured badly." "She is in no mood for your games."

Before Ranko could get mad, Katsuhito spoke in a very gruff voice, "Nobuyuki!" "This girl is not some secretary in the office pool you can flirt with." "She is a proud warrior, and has been injured badly." "She is in no mood for your games."
How about "growled" instead of "spoke in a very gruff voice"?

Nyobuyuki's shoulders slumped.
"Please forgive me, father is right, I do sometimes go to far." "I meant no harm."

Nobuyuki's shoulders slumped. "Please forgive me, father is right, I do sometimes go to far. I meant no harm."
Will do some more later.

[WG_Writer]

Looks as god as it did originally, I just have 2 suggestions.
1. Integrate the note in chapter 1 into it somehow. Having to read the note to undersand what is going on would cause confusion to people reading the story and are familiar with Tenchi Muyo Ryo-ohki
2. You broke some thoughts and sentences into seperate quote blocks, and seperate thought balloons. Nothing is wrong with this persay, but in my experiance it is better to not do that unless the person is changing the person they are talking to. If that is the case it is best to spell it out who you are talking to.

"Nobuyuki!" "This girl is not some secretary in the office pool you can flirt with." "She is a proud warrior, and has been injured badly." "She is in no mood for your games."

This is an example where Yosho is clearly talking to only Nobuyuki. I would recommend either removing the needless quotes so it looks like:
"Nobuyuki! This girl is not some secretary in the office pool you can flirt with. She is a proud warrior, and has been injured badly. She is in no mood for your games."
or add gestures that Katsuhito is making
"Nobuyuki!" After snaping Katsuhito gestured towards Ranko, "This girl is not some secretary in the office pool you can flirt with." He gazed for a moment towards the mountain's ramains, "She is a proud warrior, and has been injured badly." He then stared into Nobuyuki's eyes, "She is in no mood for your games."
Either way will improve the flow of the story, the way you have it tends to pull the reader back a little.

{1} Ranma having told Katsuhito her name was Ranko will be called Ranko from this point on. Ranko in Japan is spelled with two symbols Ran and ko. The common one for Ran for a girl would translate as the name of a flower. While the one that Ranma uses for both his male and female names translates as wild or untamed.

You might want to doublecheck this, I think you got Ran and ko backwards. I am not sure, but I thought that Ko meant flower since Ranma (to my limited knowledge) used the same kanji for Ran in both Ranma and Ranko. Can anyone with the japanese text confirm?

[lwf58]

This story has potential, and could be good. However, I have a major complaint about it. You call the character "Ranma", but the character isn't acting like Ranma at all.
First, in the series, Ranma never got weepy over losing a fight; he just became determined to win in a rematch. IIRC, the most depressed he ever got was in the Weakness Moxibustion story arc, and that didn't amount to much.
Second, Ranma never blushed because someone said his girl side was pretty, yet here he's acting like a schoolgirl who's been complimented by a guy she likes. In the series, the only times he acted "girly" were when he was knocked in the head and thought he really was a girl for awhile, when he wanted to get something or trick someone, or when he was scamming for extra food at a restaurant.
Third, IIRC, Ranma was always mortified when he had to rely on someone else to carry him around. He hated being helpless, yet he goes with Yosho without a peep.
Last, he's showing no signs of being upset about being stuck in girl form, and should have soon after waking up.
And all this without a reasonable explanation in the story as to why he might be acting that way. It all adds up to the fact that this story's "Ranma" just plain isn't Ranma.

[ranger5]

Posted: Mon May 22, 2006 9:23 am Post subject:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

This story has potential, and could be good. However, I have a major complaint about it. You call the character "Ranma", but the character isn't acting like Ranma at all.
First, in the series, Ranma never got weepy over losing a fight; he just became determined to win in a rematch. IIRC, the most depressed he ever got was in the Weakness Moxibustion story arc, and that didn't amount to much.
Second, Ranma never blushed because someone said his girl side was pretty, yet here he's acting like a schoolgirl who's been complimented by a guy she likes. In the series, the only times he acted "girly" were when he was knocked in the head and thought he really was a girl for awhile, when he wanted to get something or trick someone, or when he was scamming for extra food at a restaurant.
Third, IIRC, Ranma was always mortified when he had to rely on someone else to carry him around. He hated being helpless, yet he goes with Yosho without a peep.
Last, he's showing no signs of being upset about being stuck in girl form, and should have soon after waking up.
And all this without a reasonable explanation in the story as to why he might be acting that way. It all adds up to the fact that this story's "Ranma" just plain isn't Ranma.

Actually give it a chapter or so. ChasTaro is reworking a longer fic written some time back. You may not agree with the premise... but it is there, and IMHO it works given the background Chas is going to reveal. So hand with it a bit and you may like it.

[lwf58]

I'll keep an eye on it, right enough. But I'm pointing out that this story has one of its main characters acting completely OOC, with no reason shown why he should be. If I have to read four chapters before an explanation is revealed in the plot, that's not very good writing. ChasTaro should have begun foreshadowing the reasons for Ranma behaving that way from the moment of his very first appearance. It certainly isn't because Ranma was affected mentally by being caught in the destruction of the mountain; his thoughts in the second chapter show that he's completely rational and remembers everything.

[ranger5]

That is a good point. Perhaps we oughta reccomend (oopps you already did) a bit of foreshowing. I know what the reason is and it'd be real easy for Chastaro to add a couple of comments to that effect... even if nothing more than Ranma questioning the changes a bit more directly herself.
I was intrigued enough by the x-over and storyline that it didn't really hit me that way, but you do have a good point.
Course that may be why I get e-mails/reviews from time to time on my fic saying that while it was hard to get past the first 2 chapters when they finally did the rest was worth it. Materia-Blade on FFnet stated exactly that & advised a bit of a re-write on Ch. 1 of Tomboy. I may need to do so. The problem is I've been stuck on how to do so without messing up my "twist" so that may be part of the problem here.

[J. St.C. Patrick]

For Wargiver: ko as a suffix means child. Ran can mean wild, or orchid
Here's the second part of the sp check for Chapter 2. with some grammar suggestions too.

Finally after what seemed an eternity to Nyobuki, Ranko said.
"Its O K, no harm done."

Finally after what seemed an eternity to Nyobuki, Ranko said, "Its okay, no harm done."
It's

This had the effect of Nobuyuki sitting up straight and a smile coming back to his face.

This sentence feels awkward. Perhaps:
This had an immediate effect on Nobuyuki, who sat up straight as a smile came back to his face.

"It won't be long now."
He stated.
"We'll be at the hospital in a few minuets."

minutes
"It won't be long now," He stated, "We'll be at the hospital in a few minutes."

(When I won't give a last name they'll assume I'm a runaway and put my picture out.) (Eventually pop's or the Tendo's will find me.) (I just hope I heal up before they do so I can really run away.) Its ether that or, or seppuku.)

As this is all one thought sequence get rid of the brackets in the middle. See my suggestion in my above post for marking thoughts.

Its ether that or, or seppuku.)

It's either
or... or (if you are trying to show hesitation)

Thinking.
(Here it comes, they'll be in here any second trying to get my name.)

Change thinking to thought and put it in the middle of the sentence:
'Here it comes,' she thought, 'they'll be in here any second trying to get my name.'

"Misaki".

"Masaki."

(He gave them his family name.) (He said I was part of his family.) (Why?)

As above drop the brakets from the middle of the sequence.

Wheeled down to X-ray, wait, take X-rays, wait, wheeled back to exam room, wait, doctor check X-rays, wait, wheel to cast room, wait, get casts on arm and leg, and so on for most of the day.

Perhaps
wait. Take
wait. Wheeled
wait. While the Doctor checked the
wait. Wheeled
wait. Get

It was about 5p.m. when the finally wheeled Ranko out of the hospital.

5pm
they

She had arrived there at close to 6a.m. a very long day indeed.

6am. It had been a
or
6am - a

The old man had sat with her the many times she was waiting, saying words to comfort her that all would be alright.

times while she
all right.

The one time she tried to ask him why he had said she was Misaki, he had shushed her lying his finger across her lips, and saying they would talk later in private.

Masaki
laying

Ranko wanted to ask why they where taking care of her when they didn't have to, but was just to exhausted and fell asleep within a few minutes of being sat in the van.

were
too
placed

As he drove back to the shrine he spoke.
"Well father, as you asked I opened the house up to air out, put out fresh bedding, and picked up the supplies you suggested."

As he drove back to the shrine he spoke, "Well, father, as you asked I opened the house up to air out, put out fresh bedding, and picked up the supplies you suggested."

This confused Nobuyuki, as he'd never seen the old man show so much interest in any of the many girls that had passed through the Misaki home.

who
Masaki

"Well father, here we are." "Why don't you take Ranko in, I'll take care of all this stuff."

are. Why
in and I'll

Looking around to see where they were. She saw it was early evening with the first stars starting to show in the sky, and they were crossing a footbridge over a lake.

were, she

At the end of the bridge was a large ellaborate home that she vaguely remembered seeing that morning from the temple steps.

elaborate

Her eyes only got bigger as they entered,
(So much space!) (Every thing is so, so, I've never seen a house like this, its, its perfect!)

Her eyes only got bigger as they entered, 'So much space! Everything is so, so, I've never seen a house like this, its, its perfect!'

Katsuhito couldn't help the small smile that came to his lips as he watched Ranko twist her head left and right her blue eyes large with supprize trying to see everything at once.

surprise

(What the hell!) (They're not human, but they look so real, so life like.) (You can usually tell its some guy in a rubber suit, but this.) (It looks real!) (What are they saying, and that music, it sounds just like one of those soap operas that Kasumi likes to watch.)

remove the brackets from the middle of the thought sequence.

Nobuyuki choose that moment to enter the room, quickly sitting next to Ranko, Exclaiming.
"Oh good Ranko this in one of my favorite shows, but I never get to see it anymore as I live in the city now."

Nobuyuki choose that moment to enter the room, quickly sitting next to Ranko, exclaiming, "Oh good Ranko this in one of my favorite shows, but I never get to see it anymore as I live in the city now.

"Oh good Ranko this in one of my favorite shows, but I never get to see it anymore as I live in the city now." "I wonder if Fukowa ever married Katora?" "Maybe I'll find out tonight." "Next time Tenchi visits with his wives I should ask Washu to set up a hyper receiver at my apartment." "They're suppose to visit this summer you know." "I wish they'd visit more often, but Jurai is 350 light years from here, and Tenchi can't be away long, being the Crown Prince and all, even with the space trees it's a long trip,,,,,."

as with thoughts, one speech sequence one set of quotation marks.
trip...."
there you go.

[WG_Writer]

thanks for clearing that up, My mistake.